• Our software update is now concluded. You will need to reset your password to log in. In order to do this, you will have to click "Log in" in the top right corner and then "Forgot your password?".
  • Forum moderator applications are now open! Click here for details.
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.

Riven OOC

Status
Not open for further replies.

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
Oh goodness... I'll poke crits at your post later ACC, I can't read someone retching when I'm eating. *feels kind of sick already*
 

Shadow_Yue

SO I HERD U LIEK NARUTO?
135
Posts
16
Years
Gah! You people have these crazy huge posts up that my sign up look like a tiny flyer for a car wash. Onto the profile! Let's see if I can still sign up! -shot-

Full Given Name: Tamilia Gandrealas (Optional)

Nickname: Tami ( Tah-mee )

Gender: Female

Age: 15

Appearance: Has shoulder length, dark blue hair along with white tips. Her bangs are somewhat longer than her actual hair length. She has a slim waist but not slim enough for it to be all that noticeable. She's not very tall only about 5'4. Has a very pale face which tends to give off a sickly appearance. Has light blue eyes that brighten her face so she doesn't look too gloomy. Has double pierced ears so the top pierce is a small black stub and the bottom pierce is a golden half an inch hoop, on both ears. Tami's ears are somewhat pointed, making her look like an elf. Her legs look very well built because Tami has trained herself for speed rather than strength.

Onto her clothes!
Tami feels she should be comfortable rather than look good so she wears gigantic t-shirts that have been known to have some sort of star assortment or flower on them. Along with some light brown khakis that reach her knees with a charm that has a small blacks wings on it. She normally walks outside barefoot all the while getting yelled at about how no shoes equals no service. To solve this problem Tami normally wears flip flops or sandals at the risk of being called a bum , her sandals already adding to her bummy attire. Fashion is not really something for Tami to care about and normally just puts on the first thing she comes across.

Personality: Tamilia has a very quiet personality. She isn't one to be seen or heard mostly hanging out in the backround watching everything unfold. You can sometimes catch her making smart remarks under her breath. Tami is smart , not bookworm smart but slick smart being able to talk herself out of a lot of situations. She prefers to draw or watch the clouds since everything loud and outgoing seems to be a problem for her. She doesn't like the sun all that much and prefers to go outside during cloudy days leaving her strength training to rare since she would rather work on her speed cloudy or not. Though she prefers dimly lit rooms to brightly lit rooms she has a fear of being completely surrounded in darkness and would prefer to be in a place that's not very crowded but still has people there in fear of being alone. She hopes to improve her enchantment skills so that she can create an illusion of her own world in which she has complete control over for attacks or just to look at. She's not really looking to become very famous among people and most people just know her a " That lazy girl in the back of the room. Also she is known to be somewhat of a mess maker. Her room back home what always a mess and she only cleaned it occasionally to the point where it was an organized mess in her opinion.

History: Tamila was born in a small town near the ocean. This contributed to her lazy demeanor being able to just go out and look at it all the time. She lived with her mother and brother. Her father was victim of a terrible illness that had spread through out the village though most who had it were cured , her father wasn't as lucky and died before a cure was found. She had only been one years old at the time and didn't see as much of a terrible loss. Though her mother always said he was a kind and caring man and her older brother who was 4 years older than her scolded Tamilia for saying such things. Their mother died from old age leaving the two behind and the house left to them. Tamilia became much quieter after that and didn't speak much to anyone except her brother. Her brother having been a strong man often teased her about how girls were too weak to fight and should just stay home, this angered her. After witnessing the power of enchantment herself from a man who often decided to show off for kids she became determined to train herself to do the same and become a stronger person than her brother to prove girls aren't weak and can do more than just sit at home.

Other (Optional): (Just in case there's something about your character that you didn't get to express above.)

RP Sample:
He looked at their capture and smiled proudly. This was going to get the media's attention for sure!

The woman beside him stared at the previously captured specimen. "She looks like a normal girl."

The man walked over to a chair and sat down laughing. " That's how they disguise themselves! You've been in law enforcement for two years, you should know what they can do." He said as he began typing information into his computer.

The woman squinted her eyes and gave the glass separating the girl or "thing" as he called it then giving him a disapproving glare. " It isn't right to put her in chains like that. Or knock her out the way you did."

The man looked up briefly from his work at the woman then went back to typing. " If I didn't she would've attacked me. It was necessary to complete the mission." The man stopped typing and looked back at the alien they had captured recently. "We at least gave her breathing equipment so she won't die on us."

The woman seemed enraged at that statement and slammed her hand down on the desk. " That's only to perform your sick experiments!" she screamed getting in his face. Her face then changed completely to one of a worried mothers face.

"She doesn't like it in there."

"Hm?, the man turned to look at his partner who now had her face pressed up against the glass. " How would you know?"

"She can hear us.." the woman said her eyes now having a wistful look in them, " and she doesn't like what she hears.."

The man stood up , now fed up with his partners comments. " This glass is so thick she couldn't possibly hear us. The man making a knock on the glass to prove his point, " and it's not like she can bust through hear to stop us from talking because it's shatter proof too."

"She can hear us. She IS awake." The woman said looking directly at her partner.

" Fine then, prove it tell her to open her eyes," the man said leaning on the wall.

"Ok then. Hey , girl. Open your eyes for us. Please?" The woman said trying to coax her into opening her eyes by tapping on the glass.

A moment or two passed and nothing happened.

" See ? Nothing happened. She can't hear us, now-"

The man was cut off by an explosion from inside the glass shattering it to pieces before disintegrating to the ground.

The woman stared at the remains of their laboratory and then at her partner who was killed instantly from impact , eyes wide in horror.

She stared at the alien as she slowly stepped out of the remains of her containment. The chains around her disintegrated and were blown away with the air caused by a now large gaping hole in the ceiling.

The girl stepped closer and closer then grabbed the woman by the neck and pushing her against a one of the remaining walls that was still standing. She slowly opened her eyes.

They were a terrifying red pair to look at. The woman could see death in those eyes and her soon to be fate. She knew what was to come and watched as her body disintegrated into dust.

It was the start of an invasion , and the world knew it.
 
Last edited:

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
Well, your appearance needs lot'sa work. :<

You need not say "Onto the clothes" just start. And you should state your character's name at the beginning of the paragraph if you're describing her. It serves as the subject, so it's not just "Has something something" but is, "Tamilia has something something". It flows a lot better.

Accepted Year 7

Alright, I realized I messed up and had Miki-chan and Iruru sharing Fallen Angel Messiah_of Black Roses. I shortened his name to Fallen and mistook him for someone else. *serves me right, eh?* So Iruru, you'll take on SilverTail instead. You seem kind of busy though...

Alter Ego:
Manaphy
Phanima
JBCBlank

Iruka:
Shaydeh
dreemxweever
SilverTail

Miku-chan:
Zaiku
OmniReaper (Once he's finished his sign-up.)
Fallen Angel Messiah of Black Roses

Jyu-tan:
Chigiri
ACC
Chibi-chan
Shadow_Yue
 

SilverTail

Noble Warrior of Woodsclan
1,215
Posts
18
Years
^ Haaa, no worries ACC. That's the one thing I double checked after I got corrected too. xDD *we're in the idiots boat luz*

Hope you don't mind, Tere-chan, but I couldn't help but point this out.



I added an apostraphe to 'that's'. I also got rid of the comma after physical, though I'm not 100% positive about that one. I changed realised to realized, though I'm pretty sure that that's like color and colour? I'm not sure about that either. I also changed the comma after style to a period, to make it have a little more 'effect'. Corrected the spelling of 'opposite'. Corrected the spelling of 'the'.

I still see not why 'with a K' though, since I haven't any understanding what that has to do with anything.

I know that I overkill with comma's, but really DM, did you pick up the habit? :< Zazz no good!

Accepted, Year 7. I know you've improved already (from when I used to talk to you more. < <) but I think you've still got length's to go. Spelling, my friend, is a very important issue.
We used to talk? o.o its been a while since I've been called DM, makes me feel remembered |3

anyways, the deal with the "K" is that magick, REAL magick, is spelt with a "K"(rituals and ceremonies and such. my father is a wiccan and explained some of this to me) which is not to be confused with Magic(smoke and mirrors, turning tigers into beautiful women wearing skimpy bathing suits)

thanks for the help editing my profile, and I'm still waiting on an idea for my sample. I've come a ways from when I used to roam my old haunts here(mainly the RP forum....ok, ONLY the RP forum...), but as you said, I've still got a ways to go.

and the little spelling mistake with "teh" and "the" is just that, a mistake. my fingers are really fast and my mind can barely keep up *sweatdrops*

:nervous:+:embarrass

Oh, and thanks for accepting me. Although I'm surprised none of my old friends have congratulating me on making it to 15.....*sighs*
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
.........Please tell me that "We used to talk" was sarcastic.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO I AM ALREADY?!!? >OOOO I'M SO INSULTED!!! YOU ARE SUCH A MEANIE BUTT FACE. >OOO Right. That wasn't insulting. But whatever. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DM WHO ELSE CALLS YOU DM OTHER THEN ME?!?!

MINIMINUN WTF. <-- Lulz. I remember that name. That was dreadful.

Shadow_Yue: I also noticed that you have a tendency to break up your sentences. Like, in your history, you have a LOT of simple sentences, and those can easily be made into complex or compound sentences to make it sound smoother.
 

Scarlet Weather

The Game is Afoot!
1,823
Posts
17
Years
WHAT? YOU REFUSE TO CRITIQUE ME BECAUSE MY CHARACTER WAS RETCHING? HOW DARE YOU!!

By the way, I'd like to comment that the reason Eran isn't behaving as evilly as I initially led everyone to believe in the first post is mostly because I was trying to play him as an actual person, not just forcing him to conform to the personality section on the sign-up sheet. He thinks he's tough but really isn't, he's got a nasty streak but there's some good in him... that's what I was really aiming for. Just to give y'all a heads up.

Hm.... this entire post should probably just be deleted as spam, since it's kind of pointless in the overall scheme of things.
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
*blergh. bleck. blargh.* Yuck. Anyway...

The patrons were all gone home, waiting for night to come once again in order to begin their merriment.

The patrons were all gone home? :O The patrons had all gone home? The patrons were all gone?

So it had rained last night, then.

Just read that sentence. You don't need that comma, the pause sounds weird. xD

He rolled his eyes. If his memory of the route to the Academy served him right, he would be passing straight through a long stretch of merchants and vendors advertising their wares. He groaned.

It would be fine to have both those effect sentences, if they didn't both start with 'he'. It sounds kind of repetitive.

And Yazz, it seems that we've made a habit of spamming up this thread. D: Let us put a stop to it now, lest I turn into more of a hypocrite then I already am.
 

SilverTail

Noble Warrior of Woodsclan
1,215
Posts
18
Years
.........Please tell me that "We used to talk" was sarcastic.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO I AM ALREADY?!!? >OOOO I'M SO INSULTED!!! YOU ARE SUCH A MEANIE BUTT FACE. >OOO Right. That wasn't insulting. But whatever. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DM WHO ELSE CALLS YOU DM OTHER THEN ME?!?!

MINIMINUN WTF. <-- Lulz. I remember that name. That was dreadful.

Shadow_Yue: I also noticed that you have a tendency to break up your sentences. Like, in your history, you have a LOT of simple sentences, and those can easily be made into complex or compound sentences to make it sound smoother.
miniminun? o.o I didnt recognise your username! I'm sorry T.T
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
Yazz, tis all fine and well, but 'zat was spam shir. D: If you would kindly delete it, or edit in something relevant to the RP itself, 'zat would be wonderful.
 

Jack O'Neill

Banned
8,343
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 34
  • Seen Jul 15, 2015
...Great. The party's already started. So, I place my signup here in the OOC thread, right?

====================​

Full Given Name: Edward James Heiderich

Nicknames (Optional): Adler ("Eagle")

Gender: Male

Age: 22

Appearance: At first glance, Edward appears somewhat boyish and unimposing for a supposedly hard-bitten war veteran, standing at only 5'7" and weighing in at a relatively measly 147 pounds. While not exactly muscular nor scrawny, he manages to have a reasonably toned figure, appearing to maintain only the bare minimum of strength needed to crush an enemy soldier's chest with a flying knee or break a few skulls with a well-placed elbow. His hair is dark brown, naturally spiky, and somewhat unkempt; his bangs droop down to conceal most of his forehead. He always seems to have a mischievous, lecherous glint in his bright, heterochromatic eyes (the left is navy blue, while the right is cobalt blue). His skin is moderately tanned and flawless, save for the cross-shaped scar on the right side of his forehead (which is largely concealed by his bangs), a small yet noticeable cut on his chin, and numerous other scars on the rest of his body.

Concerning clothing, Edward's personal sense of style clearly favours military fashions. His normal attire consists of a khaki shirt, a black tie with gold clip, a dark brown leather flight jacket with a distinct red silk lining (replaced in cold weather with a thicker jacket with fleece lining), khaki pants, a black leather belt with gold buckle, black dress shoes, and a plain khaki garrison cap. On formal occasions, he replaces his normal jacket, pants, shoes, and hat with a black Eisenhower jacket with accompanying ribbon bar, black pants, black jackboots, and an unadorned black combination cap; he also wears a blood-red armband with the kanji "団長" (rough translation: "Brigade Chief") emblazoned on it in black on his left arm. He openly wears his service pistol and knife, a Colt M1911A1 and a KA-BAR, in a holster and sheath on his belt at all times. He wears the rank insignia of a 2nd Lieutenant.

[See also: Kira Yamato (Mobile Suit Gundam SEED), John Hartigan (Sin City) (all images courtesy of Wikipedia)]

Personality: A military man at heart, Edward takes a great deal of pride in his various honors and commendations; nobody dares mess with the ribbon bar on his chest, unless the unlucky one desires a foot up his rear end or a fist in his face. He is a staunch believer in the philosophy that actions speak louder than words; needless to say, he values quickness and efficiency above all else. If there's a task to be done, he would rather get it done as swiftly as humanly possible, regardless of the possible consequences; likewise, if a situation presents itself, he would rather act quickly and resolve it than wait around for orders. Oddly enough for a career soldier, Edward does not place a high value on obedience towards military or civilian authorities; he is perfectly willing to break rules or disobey direct orders if he believes that such insubordination is for the greater good.

Edward has no qualms about maiming, crippling, or outright killing anyone who has wronged him, though even he has his limits regarding gratuitous violence; he is deeply afraid of winding up as a mass-murdering psychopath and will thus make it a point not to kill those who haven't truly earned it in his view. He abides by a clear and well-defined code of ethics, which dictates chivalry towards women, the repayment of debts and kindness, and the redress of any wrongs he himself may have committed (among other things); he is also quite selfless, caring little about his own well-being as long as he can protect friends, family, and even complete strangers from harm, often using lethal means to ensure the safety of his charges.

On the interpersonal level, Edward may appear to be a bit rough-mannered at first, but to anyone who actually bothers to get to know him, he's actually quite mellow and laid back for someone who's borne witness to the horrors of armed conflict on an extended basis. He is a highly enthusiastic storyteller and will tell (longwinded, slightly embellished) tales of his war experiences to anyone willing to listen. Despite his adherence to chivalry, he's somewhat of a womanizer. His lecherous tendencies tend to be expressed in the form of shameless flattery, punctuated by the occasional subtle grope; he has, however, never propositioned a woman to bear his child (he says he'll do that when he's well and ready for it). His sense of humor tends to revolve around puns, double entendres, and other forms of ribald wordplay; he will try to insert innuendo into his sentences whenever given the chance. When annoyed, he tends to talk of shoving his foot up the rear end of the offending party, a la Red Forman from That '70s Show.

Perhaps Edward's greatest flaw is that he's just a bit too honest for his own good. In conversation, he tends to be extremely candid and forthright in his choice of words, even at the expense of insulting or otherwise hurting the feelings of other people; the placid tone with which he dispenses his oftentimes tactless observations serves to worsen the impact of his words. However, he's just as quick to recognize his own lack of discretion and even quicker to apologize to the offended party (especially if it's a woman), in keeping with his code of honor.

History: Born in Riven's capital to middle-class parents, Edward J. Heiderich was blessed with strong legs and a keen intellect and cursed with a crooked spine; this disability warranted the use of leg braces, which severely hampered his movement and gave him an idiosyncratic gait that made him the butt of many jokes during his early school years. Ed's only defender during his formative years was an attractive auburn-haired girl named Kelly Eckart, who taught him to stand up to his many tormentors. Her advice paid off in a big way when Ed shattered his leg braces to deliver a devastating kick to a bully who was throwing rocks at him; he then found out afterwards that he was an extremely quick runner during his escape from the bully's comrades. Nobody ever dared to pick on him from that point onwards.

Due to his high intelligence, Edward was a star student all throughout primary and secondary school; he wasn't too bad of an athlete either, though he clearly favored his studies over sports. However, he was most (in)famous in secondary school not for his physical or mental prowess, but for his constant womanizing. While chivalrous to a fault, Ed was a world-class lecher, and a particularly crafty one at that; he was smart enough to realize when he had overextended himself in his pursuits of the female gender, and his above-average running ability would allow him to make quick getaways from the many girls he angered with his seeming infidelity. Of course, this mattered little to Kelly Eckart, who had always remained by Ed's side even in the face of his lechery.

Edward's father, Scott Spencer "Spike" Heiderich, would often regale his son with tales of his own experiences in the Riven Armed Forces, painting a rather glamorous image of the military in the boy's mind. This was perhaps the greatest influence on Ed's own decision to enlist in the army upon graduating from high school, though the lure of free college via Riven's equivalent of the G.I. Bill was also a major incentive. He managed to do quite well during basic training, though he found the experience to be quite tedious; he hungered for real action, and before he knew it he was on a train headed for the war in Tegnor. Once on the battlefront, he unexpectedly found himself reunited with Kelly, who had signed up for federal service of her own volition and requested a transfer to Ed's unit. The two fought alongside each other on various missions, and they collectively earned a reputation for their gallantry on the front. Ed himself became particularly notorious for his exploits as a sharpshooter, which incidentally mirrored the actual exploits of the real-life sniper Carlos Hathcock to a certain degree (namely, taking out an enemy sniper by shooting directly through his scope and adapting a Browning M2 for use as an impromptu long-range anti-materiel rifle); he also became renowned for helping rescue his entire platoon from an ambush by Tegnor irregulars and participating in various raids behind enemy lines to destroy targets of opportunity and steal gold.

Ed was so taken in by the glory of his actions that he nearly became blind to the atrocities being committed by his own comrades. Then-First Sergeant Heiderich's personal breaking point came at the village of Midwich, where he bore witness to members of his own platoon massacring unarmed civilians, ostensibly under orders to "pacify" the village by killing guerillas and their sympathizers. After watching a fellow sergeant herd a group of women, children, and senior citizens into a ditch to have them shot, Ed sniped him with his Karabiner 98k before the NCO could actually execute the civvies; he then commandeered the use of a Browning wz.1928 from a loyal support gunner and proceeded to kill the members of the platoon who had chosen to follow the order and evacuate the surviving civilians to friendly lines, with the assistance of Kelly and a few other riflemen and support gunners who had refused to follow the order. Immediately after the incident at Midwich, Ed shot and killed his own commanding officer, 2nd Lieutenant Ernest Calley, who had given the order to massacre the village; during the subsequent investigation of the Midwich massacre and the death of Lieutenant Calley, Ed testified that his platoon was ambushed by a unit of Tegnor special forces at Midwich (thus explaining the deaths of half the entire platoon) and that Lieutenant Calley was killed by spies, stories that Kelly and the other surviving platoon members dared not contradict. Ed was then given a field promotion to 2nd Lieutenant and assigned to lead the platoon, which saw action all the way up until the war ended in victory for the Riven Armed Forces; he finished his tour of duty doing humanitarian and law enforcement work in Tegnor's ruined capital, assisting in rebuilding efforts and providing food and security for refugees.

When his tour of duty was up, 2nd Lieutenant Heiderich was deactivated and placed in the reserves, which allowed him to leave to get the higher education he wanted. His first (and only) choice was the Riven Academy of Thaumaturgical Science, which he picked simply because he wanted to expand his own personal knowledge of thaumaturgy; while he had received some rudimentary education in the science as part of his military training, it was abundantly clear that he had chosen to emphasize marksmanship and leadership over enchantment.

Other (Optional): Edward is highly proficient in the use of numerous firearms, namely his standard-issue M1911A1, various bolt-action and semi-automatic rifles (namely the Karabiner 98k, Gewehr 43, Springfield M1903, and M1 Garand, mostly due to his stint as a sharpshooter), the Browning Automatic Rifle (both the regular M1918 and the wz.1928 variant), the Thompson submachine gun, and the Browning M2 machine gun. However, he greatly favors the use of close-quarters and hand-to-hand combat; his personal fighting style can be best considered as a hybrid of savate, Muay Thai, taekwondo, and eskrima, focusing on the usage of kicks, elbow and knee strikes, and knives.

RP Sample: [For every RP sample other people give, I'll give you three.]

"What the ****? This isn't City 17," Shinn said to himself, trying to get a sense of his surroundings. The architecture all around him was in that familiar Eastern European style, blended with the Combine's own peculiar technological embellishments; to him, it resembled City 17, right down to the Cyrillic graffiti adorning random walls and the Citadel standing in all its austere glory off in the distance. However, Shinn knew it was not really City 17; from what he could see, there wasn't even a single Combine Civil Protection officer stirring, nor were there Combine hunter-choppers or gunships soaring off in the great blue yonder. The omnipresent video screens were showing nothing but snow and static; normally, the visage of the much-detested Dr. Wallace Breen would be broadcasted on the screens. The loudspeaker system, which usually played the voice of Breen in a seemingly unending loop, now played nothing but My Chemical Romance; the song "The Ghost of You" was currently playing. "At the end of the world, or the last thing I see, you are never coming home, never coming home..." the voice of Gerard Way echoed all throughout the empty streets.

Shinn felt somewhat unnerved upon hearing those lyrics. For some unknown reason, he had been separated from his home, his friends, and his adopted family; sure, Shinn hated his "home" and he wasn't really on best terms with the rest of the City 17 resistance (save for Jennifer Tomoe, his adopted mother), but City 17 was still his home, and he missed it dearly. At least in City 17 he could kick Combine butt, which was a task he relished; now, there wasn't even a single Metro Cop in sight to give the smackdown on. "The hell with this. I might as well make the best of my situation and scout out the surroundings," Shinn said to himself as he took out his ever-trusty FN P90 SMG.

"Who knows? I might actually find a way back to the real City 17."

Shinn began walking, P90 in hand. He had no idea where he was going, nor did he have any idea what he was going to encounter.
"You're out of the house," Zoey Kurosaki's mom, Renée Kurosaki, said bluntly to her daughter.

"WHAT?!" Zoey shrieked in anguish. "How could you just cut me off like that all of a sudden, Mom?!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but it's the law. You know what the government will do to us if we don't kick you out, right?"

"Actually, no, I don't."

"They'll kill all of us and burn this grand mansion right down to the ground with our bodies still inside! Now, you don't want that fate to befall us, do you?"

"No, I don't, Mom."

"Now you kinda know why we have to kick you out. Take these," Renée said to Zoey as she handed her daughter a pair of pistols. They were Fabrique Nationale Five-seveNs. "You should find them handy during the two years you're out."

"Two years?" Zoey asked incredulously as she took the guns from her mom's hands.

"Yes, two years. I know it must suck for you, but you heard what I said earlier if you don't go."

"I...understand," Zoey said before heaving a sigh of defeat. And with that, the ritual, if it could be called that, had ended. Unlike the other families, the Kurosakis did not bother with long-winded chants, peculiar positions, and other such nonsense; all they did was exchange a few sharp words, hand over a gun or two, and send the kids off on their way...after clubbing them in their heads and dumping them in some random alley.

Renée called in Zoey's two younger sisters, Corina and Bridget. Corina and Bridget were remarkably similar to their older sister in many ways, the only major differences being their ages and hair colours (Corina had blue hair, while Bridget was green-haired). "Corina, Bridget, you know what to do," she said calmly.

"Yes, Mom," Corina and Bridget droned, holding up blackjacks in their smooth-skinned, well-manicured hands. In one swift motion, they coldly clubbed their older sister in the back of the head. After that, everything was black for little Miss Zoey Kurosaki.

The next thing she knew, Zoey awoke on the cold, hard, snow-covered ground of a back alley somewhere in the inner city. She slowly, painfully got up to her wobbly feet; her pistols were still in their holsters, and she had a throbbing pain in the back of her head. "Geez, did Corina and Bridget really have to whack me that hard?" she muttered to herself. Taking out a fully-loaded Five-seveN, she gingerly took her first steps out into the wide, grimy, dangerous world of the city. God only knew what she'd encounter out there.
"'Soon-to-be-captain,' eh?" Sarah deadpanned. "A few pieces of advice. First, don't announce that you're gonna be a captain; that actually decreases your chance of landing that much-coveted position. Second, you actually keep a scorecard? Don't bother; most shinigami start losing track of their kills after the first fifty or so. Oh, and one more thing..." she trailed off as she produced a SIG-Sauer P226 from her belt. "Swords are passé. Don't you know that firearms are more effective?"

Sarah stared at the pistol in her hand before holstering it. "I specifically told Urahara to procure me a matched pair of Colt M1911s, but I digress," she said. "I can't really give you a satisfactory demonstration while I'm in this gigai and armed with only this popgun, so give me a few moments to make the necessary preparations." She produced a gikongan from her pocket and held it up for a few moments before finally ingesting it; after convulsing slightly, she finally took a step forward. Her schoolgirl uniform had been replaced with a JGSDF battle dress uniform, adorned with multiple badges and tabs; her zanpakuto, which outwardly resembed an Ishapore 2A1 bolt-action rifle with a bayonet and scope, was openly slung over her shoulders.

Sarah brought up the rifle and peered into the scope. "Let's say I wanna eliminate a target at greater than arm's length," she said. After performing a brief sweep of the area, Sarah finally set her sights on an airborne Hollow approximately 1 kilometer away from her current position. "See that Hollow? Just floating around without a care in the world, not sensing us here, only concerned with looking for stray souls to devour. Just pull the trigger, pull the bolt, and repeat those two steps until it's terminated. It won't know what hit it until it's too late."

Sarah fired off a single shot at her target, reflexively pulling the bolt before putting her weapon down. A bolt of spirit energy, manifesting itself as a bright red tracer bearing an uncanny resemblance to a Quincy arrow, streaked forth towards the Hollow's head, obliterating it directly upon contact and putting the Hollow out of commission for good; from her position, Sarah could observe a small, inaudible explosion, not unlike a signal flare going off.

Sarah then turned to her shinigami companions and said to them, "While you folks have to close in to melee range in order to use your swords and kido, I can just stand back with my rifle and pick off the Hollows before they can pose any real threat to me. Some of you may call this cowardice, but I call it prudence; I gotta get them before they can get me, right? Besides, if they're foolish enough to close in..." She gestured towards the bayonet on her rifle for emphasis. "I need not say any more than that."
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
O O

Oh good goodness.

Accepted, Year 8


Then-First Sergeant Heiderich's personal breaking point

Then-First? "Then First Sergeant Heiderich" you mean?


To everyone who doesn't usually eek out a mile-long sign-up: I see not why this RP can squeeze out such lengthy and long-winded RP's just because 'Learning RP' and 'Year 7' and 'Year 8' are involved. Come people's! >O Let us not be vain and exert some effort just to get ourselves a nicer spot on the throne.

Iruka:
Shaydeh
dreemxweever
SilverTail
Jack O'Neill
 

Jack O'Neill

Banned
8,343
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 34
  • Seen Jul 15, 2015
Then-First? "Then First Sergeant Heiderich" you mean?
"Then-[insert rank here]" is grammatically proper and is a heck of a lot more compact than "Mr. Heiderich, who was at the time a [insert rank here]." It's just a matter of style, is all.

...

Well, it's not the group I was expecting, but I'll make the best of it. -_-;
 
Last edited:

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
Excuse me? Did you just address everyone in Iruka's group as 'the freaks'?

If you do not edit that out of your post by the next time I sign on, I suggest you leave this RP now, or I will personally see to it that you never post here, or in the IC thread again.

Perma-edit-this-time: But I won't pretend I haven't been a total... rock-headed-git to you Jack, now for good reason, and in the past for not so good reason. What group would you prefer?
 
Last edited:

Jack O'Neill

Banned
8,343
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 34
  • Seen Jul 15, 2015
I'd like to request a transfer to Alter Ego's squad, if that can be arranged.
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
If he agree's to it the next time he's online, then I'll keep the change. If Tere-chan says his platter's full, then I'll have to keep you where you are. The main reason I didn't put you in AE's group in the first place is because he's already done a lot, [plot, first post, sign-up crits] but if he doesn't mind, then it should be quite fine by me.

Alter Ego:
Manaphy
Phanima
JBCBlank
Jack O'Neill

Iruka:
Shaydeh
dreemxweever
SilverTail
Jack O'Neill
 

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
Alright, so this is the list now.

Alter Ego:
Manaphy
Phanima
JBCBlank
Jack O'Neill

Iruka:
Shaydeh
dreemxweever
SilverTail

Miku-chan:
Zaiku
OmniReaper (Once he's finished his sign-up.)
Fallen Angel Messiah of Black Roses

Jyu-tan:
Chigiri
ACC
Chibi-chan
Shadow_Yue

edit-ching:

He planned on fallowing the woman to her office but that is not an option any more.

That's all I caught for now, because I'm going through the annoying process of re-installing everything onto my computer and transferring everything back, but 'fallowing' should be 'following' and 'that is not an option any more' should be 'that was not an option anymore'. You switched from past tense to present tense. Bad bad. :< Otherwise, from what I managed to skim without paying attention to details, it looks good, but I'll take a second glance later.
 
Last edited:

Loki

x
6,829
Posts
18
Years
  • Seen Mar 23, 2022
I would normally tell you, but it's a useful skill to take the time and patience out of your schedule to read the posts yourself. It's something that goes hand-in-hand with learning. Learning to read each post is just as important as being able to RP well.

[/end effort to be smart and lazy at the same time]

xDD Anyway, you should read the posts yourself though. It'll help.

Edit-ching: Alright, since Iruka hasn't posted any crits for Shaydeh, his post is open to all teacher crits.

Iruru: You look really busy. D: If you don't want to be a teacher, just say so, cause you know, you seem like you're loaded down with tons of stuff.

"Sanztelane, hey I pronounced it on the first try," Tamilia said now laughing and walking away only to follow the students unaware of where to go

No, Tamilia didn't pronounce it right. xDD "Sanzatelane". Sorry it's so hard to spell. xD
 
Last edited:
2,529
Posts
19
Years
No I'm fine, seriously. I just had a day off yesterday really thats all. Concentrated more on my new RPG plot than anything. Though I'm not best pleased with past remarks to my group...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top