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  #101    
Old August 8th, 2007, 02:21 PM
Loki's Avatar
Loki
せめて一度くらい .
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Tokyo, Japan
Nature: Calm
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Well. Quite frankly, the issue is that some grammatical errors are repeated over and over again. Shadow_Yue for example.

And, if you would like to point out a few of the things you were looking for me say about your posts, that would be great. Because you know. I'm not psychic, and I can't read minds, and I'm certainly not very capable, so taking a wild stab is out of the question.

And I can handle grammar too thanks. Sarcasm, however, sort of irritates me. I see no Gary-stuism in your character. Thus, no need for me to say anything. I'm not about to go out of my way to say, "GREAT CHARACTER ACC, I REALLY LOVE IT." And bad habits? Wouldn't that include grammatical errors?

And Shadow_Yue, alright, well, Microsoft Word should've corrected those comma's. And it's fine. Sanza flipped out, I didn't, and if you just wanted 'Ms.' then you should probably have spelt it out all the way, like 'Miss'. That way nobody could make the same mistake I did.
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  #102    
Old August 8th, 2007, 06:04 PM
JBCBlank's Avatar
JBCBlank
Satanist to the core.
 
Join Date: May 2005
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  #103    
Old August 9th, 2007, 07:48 AM
Alter Ego's Avatar
Alter Ego
that evil mod from hell
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Age: 26
Nature: Quirky
Ehh...sorry for the inactivity, everyone. My uncle's having a big move thing and I was pretty much force-recruited to help carry his stuff; that's cut into my computer time a lot. T_T Anyways, he promised that today was the last time I was needed so I plan on picking up my slack here tomorrow. Sorry, but I just don't have the energy for it today. -.- However, I'll say this: JBC, you've got the present tense thing all over again in your second and third posts. All those present tenses should be abolished so hop to it. >O If a verb ends with 's' then you're doing the present tense again. Also, we've got a repeat of the old 'fallow' instead of 'follow' issue, so same old, same old. EDITNESS: Comments are up, lookie. :3

Oh, and Jyukai/Mizuki (Dang, you change your name way too much): that works just fine for paperwork, but don't forget that the ones who were promoted senior should get their thaumaturgy licenses (B-Class, meaning they're allowed to do their thing without supervision but only on official assignments). I'm also thinking that juniors would get some kind of temporary permit to identify them as thaumaturges in training and allow them spellcasting under proper supervision. ^-^

Aaand as much as I hate to meddle with other people's students: Chigiri, remember that your character is supposed be new to spellcasting since he's in the junior class. Unless he's got a thing for exaggeration then his skills are far closer to senior student than beginner at the academy. x.O Remember, before receiving tutelage most students can control little to no magical power and what little stuff they do tends to be spontaneous.

Anyways, back to the promised comments:

@Phanima: Just a couple of small corrections:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phanima View Post
The question perked his ears, causing the eighteen-year old to pause and digest what he had just heard. It was a bad habit that he had grown into that whenever something was said or referred to, he would assume it was in relevance to him. This was an uncharacteristic self-involved habit that Soel was willing to break, but had difficulty in doing so.
First off, hiphon needed for 'eighteen-year old'. But more importantly, the underlined bit seems redundant, seeing as how you're essentially repeating the same thing at the end of the sentence. :3 Other than that there's nothing in need of correction, really. Now if Soel would only move his lazy rear-end into the office as instructed...

@Jack O'Neil: Looks like solid RPing this far (I take it the repeat of his rank is a conscious stylistic choice? If it's not then I'm already over-analyzing. xD). The only thing that struck me was with your first post here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'Neill View Post
With that on his mind, Edward exited his room and made his way to the auditorium to (re)attend orientation, as was required of all students at the academy. He evoked the specter of the real-life Schutzstaffel with his current choice of attire: black combination cap, khaki shirt, black tie, black jacket, red armband, black pants (complete with the distinct bulges around the thighs), and black jackboots. However, it was the small things that distinguished this proud officer of the Riven Armed Forces from an actual Nazi; his armband bore a pair of kanji instead of a swastika, his rank insignia was distinctly American in terms of appearance (a single gold bar perched atop each shoulder, as opposed to the embroidered collars common to German uniforms), he wore an Colt M1911A1 instead of a Luger or Walther P38 in his belt holster, and his combination cap was completely unadorned.
This is very descriptive, certainly, but the style is something that would be better suited for a profile. When you list things like this, the tempo of your post slows down because there are no dynamic verbs in between the description. The number of remarks in parenthesis is also a bit detracting. This passage is not outright wrong, but it would sound better if you sort of introduced the pieces of his attire as they become relevant and had something happening in between to give the reader an illusion of progress. Ehh...hope that was somewhat comprehensible. Other than that I don't really have much to comment on yet, although Heidrich could also do with moving inside instead of leaving his 'commanding officer' waiting. :3


Aaanyways, getting to Mika's profile another day because I feel like it and because she's preoccupied with band business anyway and won't know the difference. xD
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Last edited by Alter Ego; August 10th, 2007 at 10:35 AM.
  #104    
Old August 11th, 2007, 10:51 AM
Scarlet Weather's Avatar
Scarlet Weather
The Game is Afoot!
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In a House
Nature: Lax
Okay, hold it. If what Mizuki-sensei informs me of is true, then I basically joined this roleplay for no reason other then to find out that my style is A-OK? Jeez, I need to get more self-confidence before I join another learning RP. XD (Okay Mizu-sensei, point taken, I won't grouse about you needing to find something wrong with my character anymore.)

Moving on...

Alright, I admit it! I'm confused. What happens after we get paperwork and junk done? Whatever we want?
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  #105    
Old August 11th, 2007, 10:55 AM
Alter Ego's Avatar
Alter Ego
that evil mod from hell
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Touhou land, grazing danmaku all the way
Age: 26
Nature: Quirky
That would be the time when someone here ought to take charge. o.o Umm...yeah, after that I reckon' it would probably be a first day without formal classes since the new students need to get acquainted with the people, the place and whatnot. So...character interaction time, exploring the place, that kind of stuff. Oh, and juniors pestering seniors of course. ;3 Unless...someone else among the teachers feels like taking charge for a change and has a more organized idea?
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Featured Theme: Patchouli Knowledge (Touhou Project)
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Scandalous Maido Love Affair and Pair: Phani
Estranged Ex: The RP Section Rules
Sworn Rival For All Eternity and about five minutes beyond: Chibi
Illegitimate Lovechild: Mika
Card-gaming Beta on a Leash: Scarlet


Last edited by Alter Ego; August 11th, 2007 at 11:17 AM.
  #106    
Old August 11th, 2007, 05:25 PM
dreemxweever's Avatar
dreemxweever
Full fledged auto mechanic
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: U.S.
Age: 21
Nature: Relaxed
ugh, im sorry everyone, i basically wasted a post when i signed up
i never have any time to post, so i dunno if people have been wondering why im not, but whatever.. Either way, i wont be able to pull my end so Im requesting to be pulled off the RP.. thanks in advanced
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  #107    
Old August 11th, 2007, 07:36 PM
JBCBlank's Avatar
JBCBlank
Satanist to the core.
 
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Hey AE, just so you know, for the past many many posts, I've been driven off the computer before I've gotten a chance to reread them, so until i get that kind of time, looks like I'll have the same old same old.... ".

~JBCBlank
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  #108    
Old August 21st, 2007, 10:19 AM
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SilverTail
Noble Warrior of Woodsclan
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The Void
Age: 21
Gender:
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er....I'm kind of lost...who is my teacher again? because "Iruka" hasn't posted at all. Did they change their name or something? o.o
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  #109    
Old August 22nd, 2007, 02:21 PM
Scarlet Weather's Avatar
Scarlet Weather
The Game is Afoot!
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In a House
Nature: Lax
Yes, Iruka is now "Shadowfaith", but she seems to have no time for roleplaying at the moment, effectively putting you and the rest of her students in a bind.

She could have at least unclaimed Nanaki before she went on hiatus....

Oh well, he's a guy anyway.
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