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  #1    
Old August 3rd, 2013, 06:47 AM
mhuimhui's Avatar
mhuimhui
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Gender: Female
Ever wondered if May becomes a writer and met her ‘special someone’ because of FanFiction? Well, I have here a little something for those who are curious… I swear to do my best in making the essence, meaning of this story fluttered. Let’s see what will happen if love became an author.

"Can Love be present in a hobby that we love to do?"

Let's find out…

Chapter One: Beside You
Story: Love Is the Author
Author: rain'23

"And then... he kissed her without hesitation... she felt like nothing else matters as long as he's there by her side." May's fingers began pressing the keys letter per letter in her keyboard.

"..." she stared at the monitor for few seconds and made some few blinks.

"Crappy! I can't put that line!" May sighed as she aggressively pressed the backspace on the keyboard of her laptop. May was lying on her bed while typing on her pink laptop. She covered her face with her soft pink pillow in depression. She can't seem to think of a good line to continue her story. It's almost midnight but she is still troubled on what she will write next. Hundreds of words began rushing through her mind but every time a word bashes her mind, she rejects it for it is inappropriate for that part. She is really excited to post her next chapter because she received a lot of nice reviews in her last fiction story. Almost all of the reviews requested for the next chapter as soon as possible. May was really stressed to find out that she can’t seem to make the last part ‘extravagant’.

"I'm starting to lose patience here… how am I suppose to continue my story if I can't think of a good line in the kiss part?!" she said to herself with down shoulders with a sadden face. She rolled her eyes. May is one of the members in a very popular website for anime-lovers and authors. She has been a member for almost a month and had written almost 2 one-shots and her "under construction" latest sequel love story which previously has only one chapter. She is currently writing the second chapter and is almost done. But as we all know, May is having a very difficult time to go on with her story.

Moments later not even half an hour have passed, May fell asleep while thinking of what she will write on the last part of her story chapter. May is a dedicated author, she is a free-spirited young girl and will always do her best when it comes to the things that she wants to do. She is a person with strong determination. Considering that as a fact, she won’t lose hope that easily and will not give up.

She woke up the next morning with a long face.

"Let me guess… I fell asleep…again" May thought as she stretched her arms and checked her laptop.

Silence filled the air. Her eyes were submerged by amazement. She scrubbed her eyes not minding her eyes getting blurred up a little. She took her face closely to the screen.

"Oh my God! I've received a message… from HIM!" May scrubbed her eyes once again thinking that what she saw was unreal… but it wasn't. She was really surprised that this person sent her a message. She’s aching to know the content so she opened it.

"It's Armed'n'Loaded!" The one who sent her the message is the most popular author in the Fanfiction website. He is well known for his skillful writing and astonishing ideas to create different unanticipated events in his stories. He is a genius writer. May opened the message excitedly wondering what the famous author wrote.

"Hi, Sophisticated_Damsel,

I read your latest story, is it really your first sequel? I got to admit, it made me ask for more. It's really a good, well-made story, very original. I'm expecting a much better second chapter from you, I'll be sure to read your next chapter. Keep up the great work!"

“Did he just praised my story?... Oh, dear! He did!" She screeched joyfully and began to write a reply. Her fingers are somehow shaking.

"Sir Armed'n'Loaded,

Thank you very much for your kind compliment in my latest story. It boosted me up. I'm in the process of writing the second chapter and I hope that you'll like it. I was kind of having a bit trouble about ending but I'll make sure that it'll be finished by tomorrow. Thank you so much! "

"There! That should do it! I really need to finish this by tomorrow! I don't want him to be disappointed!" May was energized by the author's message. She feels really lucky to be given a nice compliment by the author. Not all may receive a compliment from the famous author like she did.

Few minutes later, she decided to go to the LittleRoot Park to continue her story. She thought that she’ll be able to clear up her mind there and get inspired by the fresh air. After taking a bath, she brushed her long and smooth cascade hair and wore her red fitted shirt and her fitted jeans feeling that it's going to be an amazing day for her. She put her laptop in her bag and cheerfully left her room. He got passed the gate and got on her new bicycle.

"Hey, sis! Don't forget to pick up Munchlax at the Day-care couple. They said he's eating too much that there's no food for the rest of the Pokemon." Max said as he saw his sister leaving. He was playing with his Treeko.

"What am I? Your maid? Tell mom I'll be late for dinner! Ciao,Max!" she rode her bike leaving their street.

"But… Munchlax is your pokemon." Max said in a confused manner as he watched her sister leave.

On her way to the park, she couldn't stop thinking about the last part of her story. She doesn't want it to be serious nor cheesy. She just wants it to be romantic and sweet. She wrote stories before but she can't seem to find the perfect words to fit the scenario. When she's about to reach the park, she heard a quite familiar male voice.

"Well, if it isn't May." It was Drew, May's rival coordinator, famous for being graceful on stage. Many girls are dedicated fans of his. He's one of the respected among his age. He is also admired for his beauty.

"Drew!" May was surprised to see her rival at the same place as she is.

"Why are you here?" She added while getting off her bike.

"I really think that it's not of your concern, May." Drew replies teasingly.

"Jerk…" May got on her bike again and attempted to go on her way leaving Drew behind.

"Hey, what's wrong if I'm here? Can't I take a break like a normal person?" Drew said.

"I have an answer for you." May said smiling, turning her head to Drew.

"You're different." May followed.

"I have a different style? Well, of course. I'm not like you, May." said Drew with a grin.

"What I mean is, you're not human. See ya, Drew!" she hummed as she rode her bike to the park.

"I really didn't ask, May!" May left Drew and entered the park. She began searching for a spot that will help her meditate on her work. She sat down on a soft patch of mint green grass and began to open her laptop.

"I really wanna finish this now… I'll do my best!" May said to herself enthusiastically raising a fist to show her strong will and determination.

"Are you really that desperate, May? I mean, talking to yourself won't solve a bit about you being a birdbrain." Once again, May heard a voice coming from behind her. It was Drew.

"Look who's following me, it's Mr. Know-It-All Jerk" May tried to ignore him as she began opening her file.

"Following you? What makes you think I'll do that?"

"Whatever, Drew." May concentrated on what she is doing.

"Hey, what's that you're doing?" asked Drew trying to lure May to show him what she is doing.

"HEY! Back off! What makes you think you can snoop in other people's business?" May snappily went a distance away from Drew carrying her laptop with her arms.

"Chill, May. It's not like I'm forcing you to show me." It became a little quiet in the scenario. The wind blew calmly. Drew sat down beside May in a little distance. Not a word escaped from their lips. May broke the silence.

"Honestly, Drew. What brings you here? I don't think it's normal for you to just go here without a reason." May asked without looking at Drew. Drew just stared at the sky filled with clouds.

"But… but it’s okay if you don't want to tell me. I mean… I'm not forcing you to-"

"It relaxes me…"

"wh… what?"

"You heard me right. It relaxes me. I feel comfortable when I'm in a place like this."

"…" May just heard the most honest words that came from Drew's lips ever since she met him. She fixed her eyes on Drew. She unconsciously gave a warm smile.

"What about you?" Drew asked.

"Well, there's this website in the net. FanFiction… and…"

"You're a member. An author. Right?" May was surprised to hear that Drew knew all about it.

"How did you know? Are you…"

"No, hey, don't get the wrong idea. I just heard it from some friends." Drew cut down the sentence before she could say another word.

"I see."

"Are you always here?" asked the curious Drew.

"No, not always. Seldom, I guess. It depends on my mood. If I'm inspired, I'll go here to think of my story."

"So, that means you're inspired, right?"

"umm.. No, it's not…well, yeah, I guess so."

"It's funny to know that you can still feel that, I thought all birdbrains are numb. Hah, I must be going. Well, good luck on that. I really don't think you could make a nice story, though." Drew said leaving a wink.

"Jerk…"

Drew got on his feet and began walking away from May. She just watched him walk away when suddenly…

"Drew!"

"…" Drew stopped and looked back.

"Thank you." May said with a cheerful smile.

"I didn't do anything, that's not necessary." He continued walking. The smile is still painted on her face. She decided to continue to write when she notices something next to her. She noticed the patch of grass where Drew sat on.

"A rose…"

Author is Rain23 on Fanfiction and that person is me.

This story was first (and only) posted on the FanFiction website. by myself as Rain23
I would like to share it with you guys.
I've made this years back and still has no sequel.
If ever I get the enough response about the story, I think I'll
try and decide if I will write the sequel or just abandon it. (depending on your replies)

And that's it for another new sequel story! Hope you liked it, and also, I'll be really happy to hear your comments and reviews.

Last edited by mhuimhui; August 3rd, 2013 at 07:09 AM.
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  #2    
Old August 25th, 2013, 11:18 PM
Maced's Avatar
Maced
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: U.S.A
Gender: Male
This was a nice touching little story. I'll admit that the scenes transpired far too quickly for my liking. I'll try to help you with some sentence structure that I think could have used some improvement.

Quote:
"..." she stared at the monitor for few seconds and made some few blinks.
You simply needed to imply that she stared at the monitor. No need for dialogue if she isn't going to speak. Don't let small things like this distract from your story. Anything that distracts from the flow is a usually a bad thing.


Quote:
Let me guess… I fell asleep…again"
"Oh my God! I've received a message… from HIM!"
“Did he just praised my story?... Oh, dear! He did!"
"But… Munchlax is your pokemon."
"Jerk…"
"I really wanna finish this now… I'll do my best!"
"But… but it’s okay if you don't want to tell me. I mean… I'm not forcing you to
You relied too heavily on ellipsis. Ellipsis are a good thing, here and there. It's natural for dialogue since people use ellipsis for emotion or suspense. Here it's used far too often. Tone it down a bit next time. I might add, you should have considered more lines for your characters to speak rather than having them drift off. Some sentences should have been redone all together.

Quote:
"Hey, sis! Don't forget to pick up Munchlax at the Day-care couple. They said he's eating too much that there's no food for the rest of the Pokemon." Max said as he saw his sister leaving. He was playing with his Treeko.

"What am I? Your maid? Tell mom I'll be late for dinner! Ciao,Max!" she rode her bike leaving their street.

"But… Munchlax is your pokemon." Max said in a confused manner as he watched her sister leave.
This one kinda got to me. I feel Max had too loose of a role. I mean, he's there, but he's easily dismissed. A little more background would go a long way on improving the story. Minor characters aren't really as minor as you think. They play a huge role in fleshing out the main character's characteristics. That is, how they interact with the minor characters. That's one way the reader gets to know the main character. The only real impact I got from that scene was that she was self-centered and rude for ignoring her brother. She also didn't care about her Pokémon. This could have all been avoided, too. Why include Max if he's not going to play much, or if any role? (I'm assuming this is a one-shot.)


And what about Munchlax eating all the food? :O That was a missed opportunity to elaborate further. This could have made your fic much better. Again, a little more background. Otherwise, it was an enjoyable read.

That's all I have for now. See you around.

Last edited by Maced; August 25th, 2013 at 11:25 PM. Reason: Added the word, "more", to make a sentence clearer.
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