[Pokémon] Lurking Shadows [T]

Note: This story is more anime-like so all that stuff like more than 4 moves will happen. Also, since the main character is named Lance, please do not confuse him with the Lance from the anime/manga/games. Also, I may or may not base my move descriptions on the anime move descriptions on Bulbapedia. Also, please note that Cipher is an actual villainous team from Colosseum and XD: Gale of Darkness. And note, an old version of this fanfic is on a website called Slateport/Slateport City. This fanfic itself is on FanFiction.net as well.


Chapter 1: Lance Raider.

It's a busy day in the city of San Morano. In downtown, people are going about their business, walking on the sidewalk. Vehicles are stuck in heavy traffic on a busy avenue.

On the same avenue lies a tall, office building. The building has two, large, silver statues of a Mew on the left and right of the front door. On the top floor, a black-haired man in a silver suit talks to a boy with slightly spiky black hair. The boy wears a black jacket, a black-long sleeved shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Next to the boy is a girl with long. black hair. She is wearing a brown jacket, a dark blue sleeveless shirt, blue jeans, and black boots. The girl looks on as the man speaks to the boy. The man sits at a desk, his hands on the desk. On the desk are a brown folder with papers inside and a picture frame with a picture of a man, woman, and 2 boys in it. The man looks at the boy with slightly spiky black hair, smiling.

"You're teaching your younger brother well, Lance. I'm proud." says the man.

The boy smiles. "Thanks, dad."

The boy is Lance Raider. He is the eldest son of the man, Ryan Raider. Ryan Raider is the current CEO of the Raider Financial Group. A kind but stern man, Ryan Raider took over the group when his father stepped down. The Raider Group owns various buildings and does various things such as fund construction projects, fund Pokémon Research, and more.

The girl with Lance looks at him. "Well, he certainly takes after his older brother, huh?"

"I guess so, Melanie. I guess so." Lance replies.

The girl, Melanie Mercerd, is a longtime friend of Lance. Melanie's parents work for Lance's father as Pokémon Researchers.

Ryan Raider looks at his eldest son, then he looks at Melanie. "Let's get down to business." Ryan says, while opening up the brown folder with papers in it. Among the files, Ryan takes the first paper out of the folder and closes the folder. He then looks at Lance. "You and Melanie. Have a look at this."

Lance and Melanie step forward a little, their eyes fixated on the paper as they read through it. Both become surprised at what they read.

"A Deoxys sighting? In San Morano?" Lance asks.

"Hmmm...that's not something you hear everyday." Melanie remarks.

Both Lance and Melanie are familiar with the Pokemon Deoxys. Deoxys, a Pokémon from outer space, is a mysterious Pokémon. One that many researchers hope to learn more about as with all Legendary Pokémon.

Ryan Raider looks back at his eldest son and Melanie. "I was as surprised as you when I learned about this. One of the researchers was present when the reported sighting took place. Pictures were taken but we do not have them." Ryan Raider says. "However, this might be trouble. Especially with Cipher and Team Rocket around."

Lance and Melanie continue to stare at the paper. Both of them know what Lance's father is talking about. In San Morano, the two most powerful criminal groups are Cipher and Team Rocket. Both groups tend to go after powerful Pokémon. Word might reach them about the sighting which would definitely mean trouble.

"Stay safe. Both of you." Ryan says to Lance and Melanie.

"We will, dad." Lance replies

"Don't worry about us." Melanie replies.

...

Lance and Melanie are now at a local park in the downtown area. The park is relatively large with an open field of grass with benches, tables, and chairs. People are walking in the park and some are playing with their Pokémon. Lance and Melanie sit on a bench, watching a Pokemon battle take place as other nearby people watch as well. The battle is between a Metagross and a Blaziken. Both Pokémon glare at each other, with their trainers glaring at each other as well. Metagross's trainer is a brown-haired boy wearing a black, short sleeves shirt, gray pants, and gray shoes. Blaziken's trainer is a boy with red, spiky hair. He wears a red, short sleeved shirt, red pants, and red shoes. A smirk comes over the red-haired trainer's face. He thinks he has this battle won. But, he's in for a surprise...

"Alright, Blaziken! Fire Blast!"

Blaziken opens its mouth, and flames start forming inside of it. Blaziken then fires the flames, which take the shape of the kanji for fire, and the flames head towards Metagross. However, the brown-haired trainer is ready.

"Metagross, Hyper Beam!" The brown-haired trainer shouts.

Metagross opens its mouth, and orange-colored energy begins to form inside it. Metagross then fires the orange beam of energy. The orange beam of energy dispels the flames, Then, the orange beam hits Blaziken much to the shock of the red-haired trainer. Blaziken falls to the ground, defeated. Lance stares at the Metagross, impressed by its power.

"Not bad." Lance says with a smirk.

A red light engulfs the Blaziken as the red-haired trainer recalls it back into its Poke Ball. The trainer then looks at the brown-haired trainer with a smile before leaving.

The brown-haired trainer then looks around at the crowd. "Alright, who is next?" The trainer confidently asks.

Lance stands up. "How about you battle me?" Lance says with a smirk still on his face.

"Typical." Melanie says while smiling.

The brown-haired trainer turns his attention towards Lance. "Sure thing, what's your name?" The trainer says to Lance.

"Lance Raider."

The brown-haired trainer raises an eyebrow at this. "Raider huh? I get to battle the son of the group's CEO?" The trainer smirks. "Fine by me. But, why not make it a little different. How about a double battle?"

"That's fine." Lance replies.

"Awesome!" The trainer shouts excitedly. "By the way, the name's Timothy."

Lance smiles. "Alright Timothy, let's do this."

"I was about to say the same thing." Timothy replies.

...

As Melanie sits and watches, and as the crowd stands and watches, Timothy and Lance stand on opposite sides of the arena. Timothy has his Metagross and Chesnaught out. Lance takes two Poke Balls from his belt and holds one in each hand. He simultaneously presses the buttons on the front to the make the Poke Balls larger. "Go." Lance calmly replies while simultaneously pressing the buttons again, letting his Pokémon out. The Pokémon Lance sends out are Salamence and Gardevoir. Gardevoir calmly glares at her opponents while Salamence lets out a large roar, signaling he's ready to fight. Salamence then flaps his wings, causing the grass underneath to sway, and it takes flight up in the sky.

"Alright." Timothy says. "Let's get this started. Metagross, use Sludge Bomb! Chesnaught! Stone Edge!"

From its mouth, Metagross fires a barrage of sphere-like plies of sludge towards Gardevoir while glowing gray rocks began to appear around Chesnaught. Chesnaught fires the rocks at Salamence.

"Salamence! Use Protect!" "Gardevoir, Shadow Ball!"

While a green orb forms and surrounds Salamence, shielding Salamence from the attack, Gardevoir opens her mouth and a black and purple sphere of energy begins to form in front of her mouth. Gardevoir fires the black and purple sphere of energy towards the sphere-like piles of sludge headed towards her. The black and purple sphere of energy dispels the sphere-like piles of sludges and then, the black and purple sphere hits Metagross. Metagross is sent backwards a little bit as it reels from the damage.

"Now Salamence, use Flamethrower!"

Salamence opens his mouth and fires a powerful stream of fire towards Metagross. Metagross, still reeling from the damage from Shadow Ball, is hit by the stream of fire, much to the shock of Timothy.

"This guy...he's good." Timothy mumbles to himself. "Better be careful." Timothy then looks at Lance. "Not bad, but let's see you deal with this; Metagross, use your Shadow Ball!"

Metagross regains its composure and opens its mouth. A black and purple sphere of energy forms in front of the mouth of Metagross and Metagross fires it. Gardevoir is struck by the Shadow Ball and she closes her eyes as she reels from the damage.

"Good. Now Chesnaught, use Stone Edge on Salamence again!"

Once again, glowing gray rocks began to appear around Chesnaught. Chesnaught fires the rocks at Salamence.

"Dodge!" Lance shouts.'

Salamence tries to dodge the attack while flying. However, several of the glowing gray rocks hit Salamence, sending to crashing down. Salamence lies on the ground, reeling from the attack, much to the shock of both Lance and Melanie.

"Strong..." Melanie says to herself.

"Salamence! Get up!" Lance shouts.

Salamence struggles to get up but eventually, Salamence stands back up. Salamence glares at both Metagross and Chesnaught and roars towards both of them. Lance smiles at this.

"Alright, you two. Show them what you can really do!"

Upon hearing her trainer's words, Gardevoir's calm demeanor changes into a determined one as she looks at her opponents again.

Lance looks at Timothy and his Pokémon. Lance knows that his opponent is strong. Thus, he must try even harder.
Timothy looks at Lance as well. knowing that Lance is tough.

"Not bad, Lance." Timothy says. "I'm glad we get to battle."

"Same here." Lance says.

"But, this one's mine." Timothy says with a smirk. "Chesnaught, Shadow Claw on Gardevoir."

Chesnaught sticks out its right arm and its right hand becomes surrounded in black and purple energy. Chesnaught then charges towards Gardevoir. Gardevoir, with a fierce look in her eyes, waits for a command.

"Use Psychic!" Lance shouts.

Gardevoir's eyes glows blue and a massive wave of blue energy begins to form around her, causing the grass underneath to sway even more crazily then before. Gardevoir launches the massive and powerful wave of blue energy at Chesnaught before Chesnaught can strike with Shadow Claw.

"Dodge!" Timothy yells. However. Chesnaught is unable to dodge the attack and takes a direct hit from the massive wave of blue energy.

"Now Salamence! Flamethrower!"

Once again, Salamence opens his mouth and fires a powerful stream of fire towards Chesnaught. Chesnaught, still reeling from the Psychic, is hit by the stream of fire. Chesnaught falls to the ground, defeated. Much to the shock of Timothy.

"What?!" Timothy shouts.

Lance smiles. "Good work, Gardevoir!"

Gardevoir turns to look back at her trainer with a smile on her face. Salamence stares at Gardevoir with a smirk on his face as well. Gardevoir notices this and smiles back at Salamence.

A red light engulfs Chesnaught as Timothy recalls it back into its Poke Ball.

He then looks at Lance. "This battle is yours. Good job." Timothy says with a smile on his face.

Lance is shocked by this. He knows Gardevoir knocked out Chesnaught but Timothy still has Metagross out.

"But..."Lance begins to speak.

"Look." Timothy says, cutting Lance off. "There's a slim chance Metagross here can take on both of them. So, I concede the battle to you."

Lance is hesitant but accepts this. Melanie remains silent and sitting but then, she stands up and claps. Soon, another person in the crowd claps and another person and then, the entire crowd is clapping and cheering. Timothy and Lance, along with their Pokémon, look around at the crowd. "Well, this is nice." Timothy says with a smile.

Lance walks past his Pokémon and approaches Timothy. He sticks out his right hand as a gesture and Timothy accepts. As the two shake hands, they speak to each other.

"I'm gonna win next time." Timothy says confidently.

Lance smirks. "You can try. But, the stronger I become, the harder that will be."

Melane smiles. "Looks like Lance may have found a rival..." She mumbles to herself.

After they're done shaking hands. Timothy and his Metagross turn around and proceed to walk away. Then, Lance turns to his Pokémon with a smile on his face. Lance is very proud of his Salamence and Gardevoir.

"Good job." Lance says.

Salamence and Gardevoir smile at their trainer.

...

Meanwhile, in another office building, on the top floor of that building, a man in a gray suit is speaking to a man in a red suit. The man in the red suit is speaking to the man in the gray suit about the Deoxys sighting. As he speaks, the man in the gray suit smirks.

"Heh. If we can get that Deoxys, we'll be even stronger than Team Rocket." The man in the gray suit confidently says in a serious tone. "Find it. Now."

"Yes, sir." The man in the red suit says. The man in the red suit proceeds to turn around and exit the room. When he's gone, the man in the gray suit sits down in a chair with a smirk on his face.

"Cipher...will rule." The man in the gray suit says.

...

End of Chapter 1.

A/N: I am debating on whether to include actual Pokémon characters in this. And remember, this Lance is not Lance from the anime/manga/games. This Lance is an OC.

Chapter 2: Mewtwo.

Standing on the roof of a medium size, blue-colored building in downtown San Morano is a gray-colored Pokémon with a purple tail. The Pokémon looks down at the people walking on the sidewalk and the cars driving on the busy road. It glances around, as if it is searching for something. However, this Pokémon is different from other Pokémon; This Pokémon can talk like a person.

"Looks like nothing going on here." The Pokémon says to itself. As it turns around and is about to leave, it hears a scream to its left which catches its attention.

"Hey man! Let my Growlithe go!" A voice says.

The Pokémon looks down again to see what appears to be a confrontation in an alleyway located left of the building. The Pokémon sees a rough-looking man with a Golem. The man is holding a medium-sized silver cage with a Growlithe inside. He's being confronted by a teenage boy in a blue, long sleeved shirt. The rough-looking man smirks at the other man, confident that he's not going to try anything.

"Sorry, but I'm a Pokémon Hunter." The rough-looking man says. "And kid, this Growlithe of yours is special. So, I'm taking it."

From the roof, the Pokémon glares angrily at the rough-looking man. "No. Not if I have something to say about it." The Pokémon's eyes begin to glow blue, and at the same time, the cage holding the Growlithe is surrounded by a blue energy, catching the attention of everyone. The Pokémon, using its psychic powers, moves the cage out of the rough-looking man's hands and onto the ground. Then, using its psychic powers again, it opens the cage, freeing the Growlithe. The Growlithe runs back to the teenage boy but it's no time to embrace each other.

"What the..." The rough-looking man says, seething with anger. The man turns to his Golem. "Golem, get that Growlithe!"

Golem steps forward, causing the teen and his Growlithe to step back in fear. The Pokémon on the roof decides it's time to reveal itself. It jumps from the roof, landing in front of the rough-looking man. Everyone is surprised at the appearance of this Pokemon. The man fixates his gaze on the Pokémon.

"So, you must be the Pokémon that made me lose the Growlithe!" The man says, still seething with anger. "Golem, forget the Growlithe, get this Pokémon!"

Before Golem can attack, the gray-colored Pokémon forms a black and purple sphere with its right hand and fires the black and purple sphere at the Golem. The Golem is hit by the attack and falls to the ground, defeated. Much to the shock of the rough-looking man.

"Wha..." Before the rough-looking man can finish, police sirens can be heard. The man begins to panic. He recalls his Golem back into its Poke Ball, turns around, and starts running. He doesn't get far, as shortly after he exits the alleyway; two officers from the San Morano Police Department confront him. The officers have a Haxours and a Chandelure. Fustrated, the rough-looking man has no choice but to surrender to the police.

Back in the alleyway, the teenage boy turns to the gray-colored Pokémon. "Thank you for saving my Growlithe. But, what kind of Pokémon are you?"

The gray-colored Pokémon turns to look at the boy and his Growlithe. "I...am Mewtwo." The gray-colored Pokémon says. "And, you're welcome."

The teenage boy becomes surprised when hears Mewtwo talk. Mewtwo then uses his psychic powers to get on top of the building he was on earlier.

...

A white-colored mansion in an upscale neighborhood inside of San Morano. The mansion has a long driveway and a large front yard with a fountain in it. Inside the mansion, Lance Raider is sitting down in a large room with a large sofa watching television. The large room has white-colored walls with paintings of Pokémon decorating the walls along with plants sitting on a medium-sized wooden table. near the top right corner of the room. Nearby is another large room with a large, silver dining table with many silver-colored chairs surrounding it.

Melanie is with Lance. As a longtime friend of his, she knows he has a tendency to do this often. Lance is an avid battler and watches them on television a lot. In this particular battle on the television, a Manectric is fighting a Zoroark. Both Pokémon glare at each other as electricity randomly sparks all around the Manectric's body.

"It's an intense battle here at this tournament finale at the Blue Crown Stadium!" The announcer on the television excitedly says. "At the center of all this is David Harrison! A trainer who is world-renowned! But the opponent has proven to be quite the tough opponent! With both trainers having one Pokémon left, this could go either way!"

Upon hearing this, Lance smiles. He knows that David Harrison won't go down so easily. Having lost to him before, Lance is aware of how strong of a trainer David is. In fact, both Lance and Melanie have battled David Harrison and have lost. David Harrison is truly a tough trainer.

As for the battle on television, Manectric fires a powerful bolt of electricity at Zoroark but Zoroark jumps out the way. Zoroark then places its hands in front of it and fires a black wave of energy towards Manectric. Manectric dodges the attack and fires another powerful bolt of electricity, this time bigger and stronger, and this one hits Zoroark. Manectric then opens its mouth and orange-colored energy begins to gather inside of the mouth. Manectric then fires a massive orange beam of energy towards Zoroark. Zoroark, still reeling from the stronger bolt of electricity, is hit by the orange beam of energy. Zoroark falls to the ground, defeated.

"There you have it, folks!" The announcer shouts. "The winner is David Harrison!"

The crowd's claps and cheers can be heard as well.

Melanie turns to Lance. "Well, David won. What do you think, Lance?"

Lance leans back on the sofa. 'Eh, the outcome was obvious if you ask me. No way David was gonna lose."

Melanie raises an eyebrow at this. "Are you sure? That battle could have gone either way?"

"I guess so." Lance replies. "By the way..." Lance sits up straight on the sofa and turns to Melanie. "Did you hear the news last night? About Mewtwo."

"Yep." Melanie replies. "They say he saved someone's Growlithe and the cops busted the person who was trying to take the Growlithe. They say the guy who was trying to take the Growlithe was a notorious Pokemon Hunter."

"Yeah, they also say he's a member of Team Rocket." Lance says. "Not surprising."

...

Within San Morano National Park, Mewtwo is meeting with a black-haired man wearing a black suit and blue tie. The part of the park they are in is unusually empty as it's a walking path. Trees and other plants surround the path and a flock of Starly and Staravia fly overhead. Mewtwo turns to look at the man.

"Police Commissioner Ross." Mewtwo says.

"Mewtwo, let me explain why I called you here." Commissioner Ross says. "See, I wanted to thank you. You've been helping people and Pokémon throughout the city."

"You're welcome." Mewtwo replies with a slight smile on his face. "But, there must be another reason as well, correct?"

The commissioner stares at the ground. He then looks back up at Mewtwo. "Yes, there is. Have you heard about the Deoxys sighting?"

"I have"

"Good. Because we might need you if Cipher or Team Rocket decides to go after the Deoxys." Commissioner Ross explains.

"That's fine with me." Mewtwo says. "I'm willing to help in any way I can, Commissioner. Especially since you're the one that lead me to this path. I should be thanking you for that."

Mewtwo first met Commissioner Ross when Ross was the person in charge of SMPD's Pokémon Crime Unit. Currently, the head of the PCU is Lieutenant John Stanson. A man who Commissioner Ross trusts considerably.

Suddenly, Commissioner Ross notices an unusual Pokémon flying in the sky. " Mewtwo! Look!"

Mewtwo looks up. Both Commissioner Ross and Mewtwo stare are the mysterious Pokémon.

"That must be Deoxys.' Commissioner Ross says. "A Pokémon from outer space..."

"It looks like it means no harm to us." Mewtwo says. "What I'm worried about, is harm being done to it..."

...

Later that day, Commissioner Ross pays a visit to Ryan Raider at the latter's office. As Commissioner Ross speaks, Ryan Raider becomes surprised and raises an eyebrow.

"So, you saw the Deoxys too? Did it look like this?" Ryan asks, showing the commissioner two pictures he received earlier in the morning. Commissioner Ross looks at the pictures. "Yes, it did."

"So, it really is a Deoxys." Commissioner Ross says. "The first picture was from yesterday morning. It was taken by our research team in northern Canada up near the Arctic. I told them to analyze the photo before sending it to me. The second one was from the sighting in San Morano."

Commissioner Ross becomes surprised. "So, in one day, A Deoxys traveled from northern Canada to this city?"

"Or it could be two different Deoxys. We don't know." Ryan Raider says. "But, be on alert. We do not know what Cipher or Team Rocket will do."

"You don't need to tell me to do my job, Ryan." Commissioner Ross says.

Ryan Raider smiles. "Still the same as ever, Calvin."

"Anyway, I should get going." Commissioner Ross says. He then turns around and proceeds to walk out the door. After he's gone, Ryan looks at the pictures. "But the question remains...What is Deoxys doing here?" Ryan says to himself.

...

Back in downtown San Morano, inside a warehouse, the man in the brown suit meets with several other men. The warehouse has boxes scattered all over it.

"Did you hear?" Mewtwo got a high-ranking member of Team Rocket busted by the cops!" One of the men say.

The man in the brown suit smirks.

"Well, one less Team Rocket member to worry about. But, Mewtwo could come after us as well. So be ready."

"Yes, sir!" The other men say simultaneously.

"Good." The man in the brown suit says." "But remember, find that Deoxys. And capture it. BEFORE Team Rocket does.

"What about Ronald Dale and Victor Malani?"Won't they be after it too?" One of the other men say.

"Probably not." The man in the brown suit says. "But if they are, we'll be ready. Now then, you are all dismissed. Go back to your assignment."

...

End of Chapter 2.

Hi! My name Scarlet Knight and I'll be reviewing your story for this month's Reviewing Challenge. I'm gonna read it bit by bit and make comments as I go along, attempting my best to offer constructive criticism and highlight the good parts, with a few reactions here and there. Let's begin!

On the same avenue lies a tall, office building. The building has two, large, silver statues of a Mew on the left and right of the front door. On the top floor, a black-haired man in a silver suit talks to a boy with slightly spiky black hair. The boy wears a black jacket, a black-long sleeved shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Next to the boy is a girl with long. black hair. She is wearing a brown jacket, a dark blue sleeveless shirt, blue jeans, and black boots. The girl looks on as the man speaks to the boy. The man sits at a desk, his hands on the desk. On the desk are a brown folder with papers inside and a picture frame with a picture of a man, woman, and 2 boys in it. The man looks at the boy with slightly spiky black hair, smiling.

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This is a decent start. I appreciate that you introduced the characters already, but this is very description heavy, which makes it a taxing opening. There are also some descriptive redundancies, such as mentioning the man sitting at a desk, and his hands on the desk; you can say his hands are resting on "it". Same thing with the picture frame that holds a picture; what else is it going to hold?

The boy is Lance Raider. He is the eldest son of the man, Ryan Raider. Ryan Raider is the current CEO of the Raider Financial Group. A kind but stern man, Ryan Raider took over the group when his father stepped down. The Raider Group owns various buildings and does various things such as fund construction projects, fund Pokémon Research, and more.

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Again, I notice some redundancies. You don't have to keep saying Ryan Raider; you can switch to pronouns just as easily. And you use the word "fund" twice in one sentence.

Ryan Raider looks at his eldest son, then he looks at Melanie. "Let's get down to business." Ryan says, while opening up the brown folder with papers in it. Among the files, Ryan takes the first paper out of the folder and closes the folder. He then looks at Lance. "You and Melanie. Have a look at this."

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Okay, I hate to sound like a broken record. But when Ryan takes the first paper out of the folder, you don't have to specify that he's closing the folder. We know what he's closing. Personally, I think this trait is seen in writers who aren't confident with what they're writing. That's why they feel the need to be overly specific. So my advice would be to relax, reread, make sure you can point these things out. So far the premise is interesting, so if you feel nervous, don't be. :)

Ryan Raider looks back at his eldest son and Melanie. "I was as surprised as you when I learned about this. One of the researchers was present when the reported sighting took place. Pictures were taken but we do not have them." Ryan Raider says. "However, this might be trouble. Especially with Cipher and Team Rocket around."

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Wow, that's a whole lotta villainy for one story. Hopefully you, as the writer, can make enough room for them to co-exist.

"Stay safe. Both of you." Ryan says to Lance and Melanie.

"We will, dad." Lance replies

"Don't worry about us." Melanie replies.

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And end scene. So far, there's not much development for any of the characters. Sure, it was nice of you to provide backstory for them, but I haven't been given a reason to care. And maybe Lance and Melanie know what a Deoxys sighting means for San Morano, but the readers certainly don't. Hopefully some or all of these concerns will be answered.

Metagross's TRAINER is a brown-haired boy wearing a black, short sleeves shirt, gray pants, and gray shoes. Blaziken's trainer is a boy with red, spiky hair. He wears a red, short sleeved shirt, red pants, and red shoes. A smirk comes over the red-haired trainer's face. He thinks he has this battle won.

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This seems like an unnecessary amount of description for characters that doesn't seem to matter much, but I could be wrong. Also, what's the deal with each character being only one color? Personally I find that unrealistic and hindering to their characterization. It's one thing to prefer a certain color, but it's a bit ridiculous to become that color.

Metagross opens its mouth, and orange-colored energy begins to form inside it. Metagross then fires the orange beam of energy. The orange beam of energy dispels the flames, Then, the orange beam hits Blaziken much to the shock of the red-haired trainer. Blaziken falls to the ground, defeated. Lance stares at the Metagross, impressed by its power.

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I'm sorry, but I don't find this very believable. For a trainer to have a Blaziken, he should definitely have enough experience to get his Pokemon to dodge something that requires as much charge as a Hyper Beam. If you wanted to make Metagross' trainer appear powerful, that's fine and dandy but it's gotta be believable.

Lance stands up. "How about you battle me?" Lance says with a smirk still on his face.

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Wait, I was under the impression that Lance and Melanie were searching for Deoxys. Even if they weren't, is having a battle the most appropriate thing to do right now when trouble can strike at any moment?

The Pokémon Lance sends out are Salamence and Gardevoir.

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So it looks like the characters in this story are starting off with powerful Pokemon. Well, the stronger the Pokemon, the stronger the character has to be.

Salamence opens his mouth and fires a powerful stream of fire towards Metagross. Metagross, still reeling from the damage from Shadow Ball, is hit by the stream of fire, much to the shock of Timothy.

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But you just described Timothy as being this super powerful trainer. Why didn't he have Chestnaught deflect the attack?

"Good. Now Chesnaught, use Stone Edge on Salamence again!"

...

"Dodge!" Lance shouts.

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Surprisingly, this is the first time anyone shouts this. Again, these are powerful Pokemon being controlled by supposedly powerful trainers, but I remain unconvinced.

"What?!" Timothy shouts.

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Why is Timothy surprised? His Chestnaught lunged forward at a fully evolved psychic-type, so naturally that psychic-type is going to counter a fighting-type with...Psychic, haha. And again, Chestnaught could have been protected by Metagross. I feel like you're overselling this match just a bit.

Lance is hesitant but accepts this. Melanie remains silent and sitting but then, she stands up and claps. Soon, another person in the crowd claps and another person and then, the entire crowd is clapping and cheering.

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Okay wow, this is incredibly cliche. For a slow clap to actually work without being cheesy, there had to have been a very dramatic moment that ended in confusion. Sure, it ended in confusion, but it wasn't very dramatic. The way I read this battle, it was short and not very professional on the part of the trainers.

Melane smiles. "Looks like Lance may have found a rival..." She mumbles to herself.

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But to have a rival, there needs to be an emotional connection between the two trainers. Sure, they both got frustrated in the middle of the battle, but it didn't take much to invoke those feelings. And if they both live in San Morano (I'm assuming they do because Timothy immediately recognized Lance's last name) then wouldn't they have known each other to begin with?

a man in a gray suit is speaking to a man in a red suit. The man in the red suit is speaking to the man in the gray suit about the Deoxys sighting. As he speaks, the man in the gray suit smirks.

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This whole conversation could be shortened to "two men, one dressed in red and the other in gray, converse. As the man in red speaks, the other smirks." That's how you get rid of redundancies. You see, I said the same thing as you without repeating the same thing over and over.

End of Chapter 1.

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Well, that's that. I'd continue to review Chapter 2 but I don't have the time for it today. Overall, the best parts were the mentioning and inclusion of the evil teams. I've never seen Rocket and Cipher in one story and I'm interested in seeing what you have planned for them. Your descriptions of the Pokemon reacting and battling were also well done. Otherwise, redundancy is your biggest poison and, again, the best way to fix that is to reread your chapters and make sure you're not constantly repeating yourself. In future chapters, I also recommend you develop your characters, give them traits that make them who they are. I didn't get much from Lance, Timothy, Ryan, or Melanie. There's nothing special about any of them. Lastly, work on plot. Not a lot seemed to be going on in this chapter, and you were trying really hard to push the climax of Chestnaught fainting but there was no emotional payoff. Good luck with the rest of your story.

Thanks for the review. I'll try to keep your advice in mind.

Also, I didn't know the clapping part was cliche/cheesy. It's helpful when people point things like that out. Thank you for that as the others as well. And admittedly, I struggle with giving my OCs character. I'm not a super-experienced writer but I do try.