Help & Advice Thread

Pendraflare said:

Alright, there are two things I would like comments on:

1. Lately, i've been feeling a lot of bends in my stomach area. That's kind of hard to describe, but they're getting frequent. Oftentimes it hurts to even stretch. Does it mean anything? Because I don't know if I should be scared or not. /:

2. My parents have told us to get flu shots, and since the beginning of the month. My school is offering them, but where I work is also offering them, for free no less. But the thing is, i'm suggested not to get the flu shot if I have an actual cold, instead of allergies. What if i'm just feeling a few sniffles and some coughs? Would that be considered a cold that would keep me away from it? The college nurse suggested there isn't much pollen, meaning that it may be a cold, but I haven't been seriously ill.

Would like some insight here... Thanks!

Click to expand...

Nobody here can give you medical advice. When it's your health on the line you should think about seeing a medical professional. I know this doesn't sound hugely helpful but it's much better to play these things safe. I will say though that your school nurse is probably a sound source of advice with regards to the flu shot.

MurkMire said:

Hey, everyone... I'm going through a very difficult time right now. In just one week, I've lost a handful of friends. All of which are very close to me. Or were, in this case.

I said things I shouldn't have, one of which out of frustration for things in my life. The other in which I need to share, but wanted them to keep secret. Obviously, she couldn't. So, now I feel like a fool, and I learned what I fear most of all.

Being alone. To be honest, I feel even more depressed than ever.

And yes, I've already tried to patch things up with both my only local friend and two of the three friends I had that I played games with every night. Neither of which will talk to me, and I feel lower than low.

The sad thing is I try to convince myself I'm this awful, horrible person. I'm just socially awkward, and say the wrong thing without actually realizing it most of the time.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need someone (or some people) to talk to.

That would be nice.

Click to expand...

I've been in your shoes now and then. Time heals all wounds. In my case though, maybe it stems more from just anger/general volatility than social awkwardness. Regardless, don't consider it a lost cause. I've had fallouts that have lasted months in the past, but with time and persistence, things have always mended.

Of course, talking to new people is nice too. It's down to you to persist with those friends, and it's down to you to make the effort of finding new people. It's very easy to find ways to distance yourself from the responsibility at times, and when I'm not thinking straight, that's the first thing I'd do. "Well, if they're not going to bother with me, I'm not going to bother with them." And I'd usually complain. A lot. But underneath those complaints, deep down, I guess I cared, even when I did feel bitter or whatever.

Anyway, I'm not really on a clear train of thought tonight. All I can say is that the ball is in your court, and it's your serve. What you do about your friendships and potential future friendships is not down to me or anybody else here, though a nice vent about how ****** things are at times is nice.

best of luck m8.

Hello, I need help. Does anyone know a company that will build me a writing studio/office building on my land for a cheap amount? I'm looking for less than 200 dollars. I don't need any huge office, just a place to store all my books, have a computer desk and chair in there and a small half bath so when I'm out there I won't have to run back out here to use the toilet. Basically I'm just looking for a nice building I can relax in and have extra storage for all my books and a bit of office space.

I really hate to post this here, but...I don't really have anywhere else to turn to.

So, I don't feel comfortable living with my mother and her boyfriend anymore. A few days back, I started an argument with my mother because she was telling my four-year-old niece and four-year-old sister that my older sister (who is almost twenty-one years old) is a prostitute and goes around selling herself. Obviously, there's really no justification for telling two small children things like that, so I stepped in and told her she really shouldn't be filling their heads with it. As usual, everything I say is turned into a smart-remark with her, and it quickly got heated. My mom really cannot have ANY conversation with me without yelling or calling me names and attempting to belittle me with insults to my sexual orientation.

Anyway, we went on for a few minutes (this is not the first time, either; we argue almost every week now) and her boyfriend (the father of my aforementioned little sister) stepped in and began pushing and shoving me while also screaming in my face and calling me names. This has never happened before, but lately I can sense that they are more hostile towards me for whatever reason (honestly, I really just think that both of them simply dislike me). It's been getting worse and worse since we moved, with my mom getting drunk every night and such. I'm really afraid of what could happen if we have another argument. I just really don't feel safe anymore.

I have a grandmother in Kentucky who I could live with, but I don't think she is financially able to support the both of us. I also would want to burden her, plus I've already made really good friends here that I don't with to leave behind after having to do that so much in life already. That being said, I also have a really good friend whose mom is like the one I never really had who I'm sure would gladly let me stay with her. The problem is that legally, I'm not sure if that is even allowed.

Any advice?

I know I'm not in the wost situation, but I'm no longer being supplied with clothes, real food, or any other necessities, some before and some after our argument. She basically disowned me without kicking me out.

Konekodemon said:

Hello, I need help. Does anyone know a company that will build me a writing studio/office building on my land for a cheap amount? I'm looking for less than 200 dollars. I don't need any huge office, just a place to store all my books, have a computer desk and chair in there and a small half bath so when I'm out there I won't have to run back out here to use the toilet. Basically I'm just looking for a nice building I can relax in and have extra storage for all my books and a bit of office space.

Click to expand...

I'm pretty sure that no one's gonna build you an office, even a tiny one, for less than $200. I'm not sure if that'd even cover the cost of the materials needed to build it.

LetItBeKnown said:

I really hate to post this here, but...I don't really have anywhere else to turn to.

So, I don't feel comfortable living with my mother and her boyfriend anymore. A few days back, I started an argument with my mother because she was telling my four-year-old niece and four-year-old sister that my older sister (who is almost twenty-one years old) is a prostitute and goes around selling herself. Obviously, there's really no justification for telling two small children things like that, so I stepped in and told her she really shouldn't be filling their heads with it. As usual, everything I say is turned into a smart-remark with her, and it quickly got heated. My mom really cannot have ANY conversation with me without yelling or calling me names and attempting to belittle me with insults to my sexual orientation.

Anyway, we went on for a few minutes (this is not the first time, either; we argue almost every week now) and her boyfriend (the father of my aforementioned little sister) stepped in and began pushing and shoving me while also screaming in my face and calling me names. This has never happened before, but lately I can sense that they are more hostile towards me for whatever reason (honestly, I really just think that both of them simply dislike me). It's been getting worse and worse since we moved, with my mom getting drunk every night and such. I'm really afraid of what could happen if we have another argument. I just really don't feel safe anymore.

I have a grandmother in Kentucky who I could live with, but I don't think she is financially able to support the both of us. I also would want to burden her, plus I've already made really good friends here that I don't with to leave behind after having to do that so much in life already. That being said, I also have a really good friend whose mom is like the one I never really had who I'm sure would gladly let me stay with her. The problem is that legally, I'm not sure if that is even allowed.

Any advice?

I know I'm not in the worst situation, but I'm no longer being supplied with clothes, real food, or any other necessities, some before and some after our argument. She basically disowned me without kicking me out.

Click to expand...

If your mother and her boyfriend are getting drunk all the time, getting verbally and even physically abusive, not providing you, your sister, and your niece with basic necessities like food and clothing, and you don't feel safe in your own home, I think the best thing to do is to get the three of you out of there before someone gets hurt. You could call Child Protective Services and/or jump to your friend's house, but I'm not sure about the legal **** surrounding that. So try looking into the details on that kind of stuff, and hopefully someone who knows more about this stuff will post here too.

Edit: One other thing. Don't be hasty, and take what I say with a grain of salt. All I can really do for you is talk to you over an internet forum, and I'm no expert on these kinds of things, nor do I completely and utterly understand what your situation is. I'd hate for me to say something that makes you do something that makes things worse.

LetItBeKnown said:

I really hate to post this here, but...I don't really have anywhere else to turn to.

So, I don't feel comfortable living with my mother and her boyfriend anymore. A few days back, I started an argument with my mother because she was telling my four-year-old niece and four-year-old sister that my older sister (who is almost twenty-one years old) is a prostitute and goes around selling herself. Obviously, there's really no justification for telling two small children things like that, so I stepped in and told her she really shouldn't be filling their heads with it. As usual, everything I say is turned into a smart-remark with her, and it quickly got heated. My mom really cannot have ANY conversation with me without yelling or calling me names and attempting to belittle me with insults to my sexual orientation.

Anyway, we went on for a few minutes (this is not the first time, either; we argue almost every week now) and her boyfriend (the father of my aforementioned little sister) stepped in and began pushing and shoving me while also screaming in my face and calling me names. This has never happened before, but lately I can sense that they are more hostile towards me for whatever reason (honestly, I really just think that both of them simply dislike me). It's been getting worse and worse since we moved, with my mom getting drunk every night and such. I'm really afraid of what could happen if we have another argument. I just really don't feel safe anymore.

I have a grandmother in Kentucky who I could live with, but I don't think she is financially able to support the both of us. I also would want to burden her, plus I've already made really good friends here that I don't with to leave behind after having to do that so much in life already. That being said, I also have a really good friend whose mom is like the one I never really had who I'm sure would gladly let me stay with her. The problem is that legally, I'm not sure if that is even allowed.

Any advice?

I know I'm not in the wost situation, but I'm no longer being supplied with clothes, real food, or any other necessities, some before and some after our argument. She basically disowned me without kicking me out.

Click to expand...

If it is honestly as bad as you say it is, health and safety comes before comforts.

Anyway, as far as I'm aware if your parents sign some paperwork you can pretty much get adopted by another family. I'm not totally sure of the logistics or anything, not about discrepancies between countries, but I have seen that happen. In a lot of places you can move out with parental consent once you turn sixteen.

As was mentioned, your version of DCP (Department of Child Protection) is also an option if you feel truly unsafe.

Zekrom said:

Snip

Click to expand...

gimmepie said:

Snip

Click to expand...

Thank you both for the helpful information. I suppose I should wait a while to see if maybe it'll blow over, and if not, consider my options. Thanks again.

LetItBeKnown said:

I really hate to post this here, but...I don't really have anywhere else to turn to.

So, I don't feel comfortable living with my mother and her boyfriend anymore. A few days back, I started an argument with my mother because she was telling my four-year-old niece and four-year-old sister that my older sister (who is almost twenty-one years old) is a prostitute and goes around selling herself. Obviously, there's really no justification for telling two small children things like that, so I stepped in and told her she really shouldn't be filling their heads with it. As usual, everything I say is turned into a smart-remark with her, and it quickly got heated. My mom really cannot have ANY conversation with me without yelling or calling me names and attempting to belittle me with insults to my sexual orientation.

Anyway, we went on for a few minutes (this is not the first time, either; we argue almost every week now) and her boyfriend (the father of my aforementioned little sister) stepped in and began pushing and shoving me while also screaming in my face and calling me names. This has never happened before, but lately I can sense that they are more hostile towards me for whatever reason (honestly, I really just think that both of them simply dislike me). It's been getting worse and worse since we moved, with my mom getting drunk every night and such. I'm really afraid of what could happen if we have another argument. I just really don't feel safe anymore.

I have a grandmother in Kentucky who I could live with, but I don't think she is financially able to support the both of us. I also would want to burden her, plus I've already made really good friends here that I don't with to leave behind after having to do that so much in life already. That being said, I also have a really good friend whose mom is like the one I never really had who I'm sure would gladly let me stay with her. The problem is that legally, I'm not sure if that is even allowed.

Any advice?

I know I'm not in the wost situation, but I'm no longer being supplied with clothes, real food, or any other necessities, some before and some after our argument. She basically disowned me without kicking me out.

Click to expand...

That's awful. There are options to get away and such, but in full time education/at 15 it's hard to have much control of how that'll go.

I think it's obligatory to go to school until 18 in America? I'd guess that you're there until June 2017? I have a friend in America who wasn't in a good family situation either (again, sexuality related to it), and after he turned 16, he learned to drive, got a job and barely spent any of his time at home other than to sleep there when things got tough for him at home. I'm not sure how feasible that is for you, and your situation sounds worse. But said friend is in a happier place now. It depends just how much you can handle, really.

It's good that you're willing to be open about issues like this, as you won't simply be letting it get pent up to the point where you can't handle it and let it explode. More mature than I was when when I was your age, that's for certain! Do your best to keep a level head and assess your situation/wellbeing well. When you're inevitably dealing with ****, do everything you can to make it as bearable as you can. If there's no way you're going to hold together in your current situation, then do your research very carefully about what you're legally entitled to.

All I can say is gl, other than that.

@Sneasel

Oh God I have been there.

I'm not going to say "be more confident", because you can;t just randomly change your personality. Honestly there's only two ways to go about this, suck it up and talk to her and be really proud of yourself and also a nervous wreck... Or don't talk her, quite possibly miss an opportunity to be very happy, be full of "what-ifs" and still a nervous wreck in her presence.

If I were you I'd go with option one, much more potential for happiness. Speaking from experience, even if you discover she doesn't like you, you'll still have a huge weight lifted from your shoulders and be able to re-kindle your friendship.

hahahaha man I'm in this situation like at least once every six months with a different girl. if you don't want to date her then I think that some of the pressure's already off -- just go up and talk to her as if you're talking to any other friend. that's obviously easier said than done, but give it a shot. it can be something as small as saying hi to her in the halls in passing that can give her the signal that you want to start talking to her again.

this one kinda hits home because I asked a girl out that I had a really big crush on in the beginning of this year and she said no in part because she thought she didn't know me well enough and ever since then it's been really awkward between us and I really regret not continuing to talk to her like I always had because if I did so then we could be dating right now. or at least still friends, she's really cool, and not to mention like incredibly good-looking. so, yeah. basically what gimmepie said. if you don't talk to her, you're gonna be filled with 'what-ifs' and you're gonna feel regret about it.

that probably didn't make you feel any better (or at least it wouldn't make me feel any better) because this means you have to make an effort to change things, but trust me, it'll be worth it.

I think what you need Sneasel is a decent opening for a conversation. It's super awkward just going up and saying something like "Hey, we haven't spoken for a while. What's up?". Having a reason for talking to her is the easiest way to get into a conversation, unfortunately you are the one that needs to work out what that reason is because no one else can tell you without physically being there. But honestly if any reason at all comes up you need to go for it (I mean any reason at all, she trips go see if she's okay, sitting by herself let her know you noticed and ask how she's doing etc..), the longer you put it of the harder it will be to make that first contact. Also the what ifs thing others were saying.

Okay so that being said, while you wait for that opening here are some suggestions for "warming her up" so to speak. This will get subconsciously aware of you before you make that first move, because otherwise it might seem like it's just out of the blue and has the potential to accentuate how nervous you really are around her. In sequential order:
1. Smile at her briefly when you see each other. Whenever you make eye contact you need to smile (but don't just stare her down with a creeper smile) make it a habit that whenever you make eye contact hold it for a bit and smile, she will smile back eventually if not the first time.
2. Slowly start hanging out closer to where she is. Don't just jump into her group of friends immediately. You need to just be around, though not necessarily involved. The closer proximity you are with her the more chance there is of you finding that opening. It's pretty important to not make anyone else aware of this though because obviously you don't want to come off as creepy.
3. Say "hey" as you pass her when you're a bit more comfortable with the smile thing. This doesn't have to start a conversation it's just you acknowledging her.

Most of this is confidence building. You can also try buying new clothes to make you appear more fashionable or even getting a creative hobby and sharing your creations with people. Right now you just have to build back the confidence you once had. Good luck, hope it goes well.

Hopefully I won't kill all too many threads with this, but anyway let's try this again.



I'm having a lot of interpersonal issues in my life. Virtually everything around me is revealing it's reality and I'm discovering that I've been living a lie. My parents are not who I thought they were, friends are something else than what I thought, and either I or my SO has lost their mind and I don't know which of us it is. It's very emotionally taxing as I have no way out of it until I legally become an adult, so for the most part I am stuck with a parent that has lifestyle choices I clash with on a daily basis, and I have to go to school and try and work with the staff there, and at my school the sad part about that is all but few of the workers there lift a finger for anything more than they have to (hey, I'm not paying for it, what did I expect). I have a rough idea of what I want to do as an adult, and that idea has really settled a lot for me - I want to become an investor, move to Virginia Beach (everyone would worry if I wasn't near a friend/family), and live in a nice apartment with a possible supplementary disability pension or maybe a waiting job in VB to make ends meet. My career choice is IT, in which I'll be attaining an A.S. through loans or whatever, and then using my own income to pay my way to a Ph.D. for it later on. All in all, I have a plan in place, but I can't execute it. Right now I need some reason besides the usual that can put a little more optimism in place where it isn't. :/

So what do I do if my mother consistently forces Catholicism on me? I'm an Atheist who believes in logic rather than blind faith and my mother called me a rebel of god. She said that I'm always stressed out and unsure of myself because I don't believe in some imaginary higher-up living above the clouds. As a child, she forced me to catholic school to get my 1st communion. She's always telling me to read various psalms of the bible and to pray more and stuff like that. I mean how would she feel if my grandmother called her and was like "hey daughter, be Jewish now. I don't care if you don't believe in it, do it."

I don't know what to do. Whenever I tell her I don't believe in that stuff, she gets furious and shouts that this isn't a joke and that I need to believe in god. How can I put faith in something that I never believe. I wish there was a way that I could have her back off but it seems the only option I have is to get a job and move out. x.x

Alfieri said:

So what do I do if my mother consistently forces Catholicism on me? I'm an Atheist who believes in logic rather than blind faith and my mother called me a rebel of god. She said that I'm always stressed out and unsure of myself because I don't believe in some imaginary higher-up living above the clouds. As a child, she forced me to catholic school to get my 1st communion. She's always telling me to read various psalms of the bible and to pray more and stuff like that. I mean how would she feel if my grandmother called her and was like "hey daughter, be Jewish now. I don't care if you don't believe in it, do it."

I don't know what to do. Whenever I tell her I don't believe in that stuff, she gets furious and shouts that this isn't a joke and that I need to believe in god. How can I put faith in something that I never believe. I wish there was a way that I could have her back off but it seems the only option I have is to get a job and move out. x.x

Click to expand...

I can relate to this a lot. Sadly, at least for me, what I have to do is shut up and deal with it. My suggestion would be don't bring it up, and if she does, just don't pay attention to it.

Alfieri said:

So what do I do if my mother consistently forces Catholicism on me? I'm an Atheist who believes in logic rather than blind faith and my mother called me a rebel of god. She said that I'm always stressed out and unsure of myself because I don't believe in some imaginary higher-up living above the clouds. As a child, she forced me to catholic school to get my 1st communion. She's always telling me to read various psalms of the bible and to pray more and stuff like that. I mean how would she feel if my grandmother called her and was like "hey daughter, be Jewish now. I don't care if you don't believe in it, do it."

I don't know what to do. Whenever I tell her I don't believe in that stuff, she gets furious and shouts that this isn't a joke and that I need to believe in god. How can I put faith in something that I never believe. I wish there was a way that I could have her back off but it seems the only option I have is to get a job and move out. x.x

Click to expand...

Tell her this.

"Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence." (1 Timothy 2:11-12)

Edit: OK... To be serious, though, it might be better to just avoid it as best as you can, but if you can't avoid it, and if it's something that you have to face, use the bible against her. There are quotes all over the bible that contradict each other and/or are outright bigoted and messed up, like the one I just posted.

Alex said:

I'm having a lot of interpersonal issues in my life. Virtually everything around me is revealing it's reality and I'm discovering that I've been living a lie. My parents are not who I thought they were, friends are something else than what I thought, and either I or my SO has lost their mind and I don't know which of us it is. It's very emotionally taxing as I have no way out of it until I legally become an adult, so for the most part I am stuck with a parent that has lifestyle choices I clash with on a daily basis, and I have to go to school and try and work with the staff there, and at my school the sad part about that is all but few of the workers there lift a finger for anything more than they have to (hey, I'm not paying for it, what did I expect). I have a rough idea of what I want to do as an adult, and that idea has really settled a lot for me - I want to become an investor, move to Virginia Beach (everyone would worry if I wasn't near a friend/family), and live in a nice apartment with a possible supplementary disability pension or maybe a waiting job in VB to make ends meet. My career choice is IT, in which I'll be attaining an A.S. through loans or whatever, and then using my own income to pay my way to a Ph.D. for it later on. All in all, I have a plan in place, but I can't execute it. Right now I need some reason besides the usual that can put a little more optimism in place where it isn't. :/

Click to expand...

Alright so you're in quite a tough jam. First off I want to say kudos to having a life goal to look forward to. So many people finish school still having no idea what they want out of life, the best way to achieve happiness is to know what that means to you and actively taking steps.

Like you said, there's very little you can do about your parents until you can afford to leave home. You need to be honest with your parents, if something they are doing makes you uncomfortable let them know, they're your parents and they should understand. However you can't expect them to up and change at the snap of your fingers. Same with your friends, except here you have the option to cease contact if you want to.
As for this losing mind business, you may very well be imagining it. I'm not saying you are, but it should be clear who it is. If their behavioural pattern has changed suddenly it's probably them, but if you suddenly are confused or frustrated by the way they act, you're not insane, you just discovered that the two of you are incompatible. It's up to you what happens next, though I highly recommend at least a discussion so that you're both on the same page.

The best way to cope with stress when you can't figure it out is to surround yourself with things that make you happy. If you enjoy IT and want to make a career out of it start doing some research, build a computer. Embrace the introverted lifestyle, read books, binge watch tv series' get hooked on Tumblr, it will occupy your mind and you won't stress quite as much.
What I like to do when I don't feel like my degree is worth the effort anymore, is to write down all things I want my life to be. I want a nice apartment in the city, I'll describe how I'll have it arranged, list all the contents of my DVD cabinet, what car I want to drive and what I think it says about me from other peoples' perspective. It takes a few hours out of my day and when I spend enough time describing the way my future girlfriend looks in a cocktail dress suddenly it seems worth the effort.

Alfieri said:

So what do I do if my mother consistently forces Catholicism on me? I'm an Atheist who believes in logic rather than blind faith and my mother called me a rebel of god. She said that I'm always stressed out and unsure of myself because I don't believe in some imaginary higher-up living above the clouds. As a child, she forced me to catholic school to get my 1st communion. She's always telling me to read various psalms of the bible and to pray more and stuff like that. I mean how would she feel if my grandmother called her and was like "hey daughter, be Jewish now. I don't care if you don't believe in it, do it."

I don't know what to do. Whenever I tell her I don't believe in that stuff, she gets furious and shouts that this isn't a joke and that I need to believe in god. How can I put faith in something that I never believe. I wish there was a way that I could have her back off but it seems the only option I have is to get a job and move out. x.x

Click to expand...

...if you think your mother is being too much, you could seek legal help. I mean, if she really chokes it down your throat against your will, she'd be violating the First Amendment (I'm assuming you're American from your location in the postbit).

Archer99 said:

I just losted all trust on people since two years ago, I decided to don't make any friends until I find people that understands me. I could write a lot about of this, But I just want to make a question (If you guys need I can detail my situation more). Should I lie to everybody to look more "normal" or I just need to be myself?

Click to expand...

I'm in a similar situation of distrust towards other people. And, honestly, I'm fine with it. The core question is:
Do you WANT to meet new people? Do you WANT new friends?
If the answer is yes, then you don't need to open up. You don't have to tell anyone everything about yourself. They don't need to understand you, all they need to understand is that you need some time to form bonds.

The thing is that trust is subjective in its content. What do you consider an act of trust? What changes in your behaviour when you trust someone?

For me, it gives me calmth when I'm around them. I get stressed out and tired when I"m outside. All my friends know this and they respect the fact that I won't be around them every day. Once every few weeks at most.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you and that I've helped a little.
Take care

Archer99 said:

Thanks, Actually I would like to meet more people. But why I need to hide myself?, If somebody is my friend I don't want to do that.

Click to expand...

You don't need to hide yourself, but you don't have to open up completely either. Just keep a circle of your closest friends close to you and open up to them - the people you do trust - and remain a bit more distant towards people you are not that close to.
Bonds can form over time as well. Just start out on a basic form of relationship - get acquainted before you become friends. It's not hiding yourself, it's more of 'Hey, you're not that bad, but before I really accept you, I'd like to know more about you first.'
It's working out for me, I've got quite a few acquaintances, but very few friends for a teenager's standards, but I'm fine with it. The people I learned to trust have shown me that they are worthy of my trust.

Archer99 said:

I see, I'm a really open person. I prefer to have two or three good friends, I don't want to have 100 fake friends on my life.

Click to expand...

Well, now consider those "fake friends" mere acquaintances. And consider your "good friends" actual friends. Now you have two circles of friends, "ranks" so to speak. Put whatever trust feels comfortable in your friends, and just talk to the acquaintances to pass time and stuff.