Help & Advice Thread

Um...I have a pretty non-serious dilemma, but I'm afraid it can work itself up to be serious.

I'm having trouble getting up in the morning (said every high school student ever). I have three phone alarms set (I don't have an actual alarm clock) placed around the room so that I have to walk around to turn them off, but I've worked my way into doing it while 3/4 asleep - almost automatically. I do it and just doze right back off. I've been late about 20 times this year. I wake up at 4:30 and manage to work around my alarms until 7:00 (by then I'm automatically late because I've missed the school route and now have to ride the public bus, plus I still have to get ready).

Just seeking some advice on what to do. I go to bed at 11 every night.

PhantomX0990 said:

So, right. I've been debating on where to put this, and note, longpost ahead.

...

I'm wearing thin here. You don't do this to someone you love. You have to understand the things that are going through my head. Am I being played? Is she cheating on me? Does she want to break up and just doesn't have the heart to or know how? Did I do or say something wrong? Is she avoiding me? Is she lying? The last text I said was saying that if she didn't want to talk to me, say so at least.

...

Also, if I'm not being played, what do I do? (note I do not know where her mom lives, or, ♥♥♥♥, if she's even really there).

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I've been here with a couple of my ex-boyfriends. Honestly, what I make of it is that she's spacing herself away from everyone while she sets her thoughts in order. When someone you know dies, it's like using a scoop to take out a piece of your heart. That person is gone now.

Reality is probably just sinking in for her. Time for this to happen varies between people, depending on how fragile they are to these kinds of things. I would let her be for, oh, maybe another week or so. If you still don't hear from her, maybe ask her friend to pass on the message that you're worried about her? Do you have her mother's number, or a way to contact her at all?

Worse comes to worse, ask Evil Ex if she knows anything. Only as a last resort, however.

Gym Leader Mark said:

Um...I have a pretty non-serious dilemma, but I'm afraid it can work itself up to be serious.

I'm having trouble getting up in the morning (said every high school student ever). I have three phone alarms set (I don't have an actual alarm clock) placed around the room so that I have to walk around to turn them off, but I've worked my way into doing it while 3/4 asleep - almost automatically. I do it and just doze right back off. I've been late about 20 times this year. I wake up at 4:30 and manage to work around my alarms until 7:00 (by then I'm automatically late because I've missed the school route and now have to ride the public bus, plus I still have to get ready).

Just seeking some advice on what to do. I go to bed at 11 every night.

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Ideas:

• Set the alarms for different times, all progressing toward the time you need to get up. Three alarms? Need to get up at say, five, you'd set alarms all through four.
• Have someone call you. Being forced to communicate in full sentences might wake you up.
• Water. Keep a spray bottle or bowl of water in your room. When an alarm goes off, spray yourself with the water, like in your face. It's what I use to stay awake on third shift all the time. Back of the neck and eyes.
• Get a louder alarm. Most obnoxious sound ever.

Most importantly, give yourself something to wake up to, something to be excited about. Whether it be a big event, seeing a good friend, or even wearing your favorite outfit. Lay your clothes out the night before, so everything is that much easier when you do wake up.

Gym Leader Mark said:

I've been here with a couple of my ex-boyfriends. Honestly, what I make of it is that she's spacing herself away from everyone while she sets her thoughts in order. When someone you know dies, it's like using a scoop to take out a piece of your heart. That person is gone now.

Reality is probably just sinking in for her. Time for this to happen varies between people, depending on how fragile they are to these kinds of things. I would let her be for, oh, maybe another week or so. If you still don't hear from her, maybe ask her friend to pass on the message that you're worried about her? Do you have her mother's number, or a way to contact her at all?

Worse comes to worse, ask Evil Ex if she knows anything. Only as a last resort, however.

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I've already contacted her friend, who was rather alarmed that she hadn't been talking to me. Apparently my girlfriend got a bit in trouble with her best friend for not talking to me. Anyways, she's talking now... but something feels wrong, and my best friend put it better than I think I could.

I was already getting over her.

He thinks maybe that I've learned to live without her in the seven weeks now that I haven't seen her, or in that two and a half weeks that she didn't talk to me. Now that she is talking to me, it feels... fake-y. She still manages to find some excuse or reason not to see me, and I can't seem to prove any of them as lies.

Sorry, Phantom. You must be feeling pretty crappy about your situation.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about her lying. I wouldn't rule it out either (I know that's not what you want to hear). However, from your previous post, I wouldn't say she would lie to you if she admitted she felt the same way as you do about the relationship.

Sit tight. Life is hard and yadda yadda yadda. Maybe she needs time to return to her normal self? It's actually a pretty hard situation to decipher since I don't know her (obviously) and have no idea what kind of person she is or how she acts. I'll admit, it is quite strange. Have you asked to see her recently? Tried to Skype perhaps?

Gym Leader Mark said:

Have you asked to see her recently? Tried to Skype perhaps?

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Yesterday, actually. She is apparently puppy sitting and would have to take the dog with her if we did anything. Apparently it hates the kennel, but can't be left out and she doesn't want to force it to be in there when it doesn't have to be.

And my dog might eat the little thing, so no.

Gym Leader Mark said:

I'm having trouble getting up in the morning (said every high school student ever).
...
Just seeking some advice on what to do. I go to bed at 11 every night.

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I have this issue also but I have found ways to sort of get around it.
You can download an app that is a really obnoxious alarm which requires you to solve a puzzle to turn it off. That's how I started.
You can set multiple of these if one doesn't do it.
After a while it got easier to stay up, so now I have five or six alarms depending on what day it is all spread out randomly throughout the hour before I have to actually get up.

Also if you feel like crap when you get up, take five minutes of quiet time to have a coffee or eat breakfast outside with no distractions, it works wonders for your morale.

PhantomX0990 said:

Now that she is talking to me, it feels... fake-y. She still manages to find some excuse or reason not to see me, and I can't seem to prove any of them as lies.

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I've been in this situation. It's important for you to realise that it isn't anything that you did. circumstances in her life changed and now she's obviously feeling crappy about it.
This is exactly what one of my ex's did leading up to our breakup. You need to threaten her into seeing you and actually talking to you in person, if it scares her and she comes running you know she still loves you, although if she rolls with it you've given her an easy escape route where she doesn't have to break up with you, because you're practically doing it for her.
In the latter case you need to fight for her without apologising. You feel helpless because she holds all the cards right now, a little bit of authority to restore balance and the relationship can continue again.

I don't want to say that she's done something she regrets and seriously hopes you don't find out, but the signs are there and you'd be foolish to ignore them. Hope it turns out well for you :\

As of today, I've dumped her.

She pulled some stupid thing. She didn't talk to me for a day and a half. Text convo basically went like this.

Me: Hello? It's been like two days since I've heard from you.
Her: What? I know I didn't talk yesterday. Now I know why, all my numbers are gone. I recognize yours and my aunt's that's why I'm responding.
Me:...
Her: What?
Me: And you didn't recognize my number yesterday?
Her: No, I did.
Me: ... wow.
Her: ?
Me: I'm done.

I then blocked her number using an app, then set the password for the app to a bunch of random letters using a fake email. I'm done. Seriously.

Hey all,I need some advice...how can I get over a girl that I have a thing for? And yeah,its the same girl I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is I've tried to convince my self to let her go,because she's been dating a guy for 6 months,and I've tried to be friends again but she's been rather two-faced with me and it just doesn't feel right. I've also tried concentrating on my future,because in my opinion my future is great! So what can I do to get over her?

No sense in having two-faced friends. You'd probably be best served just looking for another girl to have a crush on and shift your attention there. That usually works, at least as far as the moving forward goes.

I agree, two-faced people only mean trouble and are not worth it, really!!
Getting over someone is always difficult, and i guess the only thing one can really do is concentrate on something else and gather your best friends around you and have fun! This way, yoou will be distracted and have fun without needing that person

Yesterday, my employment counselor really made me feel like ♥♥♥♥, and I'm not sure if I should tell her because I notice a lot of older adults here are just so condescending and she'll probably say something like "Oh that's just you" but it doesn't change the fact that the damage has been done?

Shiraoi said:

Yesterday, my employment counselor really made me feel like ♥♥♥♥, and I'm not sure if I should tell her because I notice a lot of older adults here are just so condescending and she'll probably say something like "Oh that's just you" but it doesn't change the fact that the damage has been done?

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You should bring it up. If someone's upsetting you they need to know so they at least have a chance to change. Don't worry about what she says, likely she'll brush it off at first but will take it on board for next time.


I have a problem PC!
It's finally time for a change to my hairstyle. Currently it's quite long at the front but shortens out by the time it gets to the back. I usually wear my fringe covering my forehead in public but I've recently started pulling it back so I have sort of not quite-middle middle part.
Pictures incoming: Beware, it's like 2:30am so I'm not the prettiest girl on the block.


So my dilemma is, I have no idea what to do. I was considering cutting one side short and growing out the other, but too short and it'll come off like I'm copying my little brother (who just shaved the sides of his head). But it's all I could come up with without having to cut too much off.
And I don't think I want to be this colour anymore, I mean it's been 5 years.
Someone suggest pls :(

So I've put myself in a huge hole...I want to dig myself out of it but it's too hard for me to. I can't bring myself to.

I realize that I think that telling the truth is the only way I can get myself out of this mess but I really don't want to. I know it won't end well and I just hope that there are other ways to fix these issues.

First issue



Second issue



I'm really freaking out and I'm in a big mess... I shouldn't have lied...lying is a mess guys. Don't do it..

These two things have been stressing me out lately and I really can hardly function now. Any advice?... Be as nice or harsh as you want. I'm already aware of how ♥♥♥♥ed up this all is but I have no one to talk to about this since the people involved are the ones who I usually go to for help.

Plumpyfoof said:

I have a problem PC!
It's finally time for a change to my hairstyle. Currently it's quite long at the front but shortens out by the time it gets to the back. I usually wear my fringe covering my forehead in public but I've recently started pulling it back so I have sort of not quite-middle middle part.
Pictures incoming: Beware, it's like 2:30am so I'm not the prettiest girl on the block.

Spoiler:

So my dilemma is, I have no idea what to do. I was considering cutting one side short and growing out the other, but too short and it'll come off like I'm copying my little brother (who just shaved the sides of his head). But it's all I could come up with without having to cut too much off.
And I don't think I want to be this colour anymore, I mean it's been 5 years.
Someone suggest pls :(

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I'm not at all qualified to give advice on hairstyles, but this is literally the first thing that came to mind, and you look like you can pull something like this off (got the short/shaved sides, not sure if this is exactly what your brother did or not haha):

Eevee said:

So I've put myself in a huge hole...I want to dig myself out of it but it's too hard for me to. I can't bring myself to.

I realize that I think that telling the truth is the only way I can get myself out of this mess but I really don't want to. I know it won't end well and I just hope that there are other ways to fix these issues.

First issue

Spoiler:

So first issue is that I got fired from work. I got fired from work about 2 months ago because they no longer needed me. I wanted to tell my mom but I didn't have the courage to. It's embarrassing so I've been lying about still going to work. I'd leave the house at 10 and hang out for 5 hours at the library until I can go home, the time when I said work ended. The problem is is that I've been searching for a new job so I can say that I quit my old one and took this one instead but as you can tell, I've had no luck, even after applying for jobs.
I have two big charges coming up. $2,000 for my teeth and another $2,000 for my college. My mom says she's going to be paying for half of each of those bills which means I have to somehow come up with $2,000 before the end of this upcoming May...I have $400 in my bank right now...I don't know what to do. I know that time is ticking and I'll have to tell her I don't have the money because I haven't worked for two months but I'd rather tell her early then humiliate her and myself and get ourselves in financial trouble but everytime I try to bring it up, I chicken out and stop...

Second issue

Spoiler:

The second thing is that because I no longer have a job, I can no longer afford things. Things haven't been well between my mom and I and it's been causing me to have social issues and confidence issues. My boyfriend has been noticing and finally told me that he thinks it's time I should move out. I would love to but I don't have enough money, nor a steady income at the moment. But instead of telling him I got fired to save myself from embarrassment, I haven't told him I got fired and therefore have lied to him about still working too. I lied about getting an apartment and seeing the apartment and now he wants to come visit me... (he lives in another country). Now I don't know what to do. Whether to lie and say I'm just not ready to move out or to tell him the truth... But the problem is is that I really don't want to tell him I lied to him...I'd rather just say that I'm not ready to move out...even if that does mean that I can finally see him. But that's hurtful...I don't want him to break up with me for cancelling... but I don't want him to buy the bus ticket for nothing...

I'm really freaking out and I'm in a big mess... I shouldn't have lied...lying is a mess guys. Don't do it..

These two things have been stressing me out lately and I really can hardly function now. Any advice?... Be as nice or harsh as you want. I'm already aware of how ♥♥♥♥ed up this all is but I have no one to talk to about this since the people involved are the ones who I usually go to for help.

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Whether you want to hear it or not, I think you should just tell the truth if the job search isn't going well. The last thing you want is for more lies to accumulate, especially when crunch time approaches. It doesn't sound like you were fired on bad terms, I don't think it's necessarily something to be embarrassed about, and surely your mom and boyfriend would understand. I can't really give any other advice to recover from a lie than telling the truth. Of course, keep searching for jobs. I don't want to flat out say avoid telling the truth if you can, but if you can get the cash and avoid any confrontation, that wouldn't be so bad. But $1600 is quite a considerable sum, so I'd advise you to tell your mom the truth at least. I'm not sure about the urgency of the boyfriend situation. Of course I advise you to approach it the same way as you would your mother's situation, but if you happen to be more flexible time-wise, try and see if you can make things work financially.

Tell the truth. Money doesn't come out of thin air. Everybody has to be on the same page, so there won't be any surprises. Even if you can't agree (not saying that this is the case at all, just if if if if if) everybody should at least have the facts straight.

Eevee said:

So I've put myself in a huge hole...I want to dig myself out of it but it's too hard for me to. I can't bring myself to.

I realize that I think that telling the truth is the only way I can get myself out of this mess but I really don't want to. I know it won't end well and I just hope that there are other ways to fix these issues.

First issue

Spoiler:

So first issue is that I got fired from work. I got fired from work about 2 months ago because they no longer needed me. I wanted to tell my mom but I didn't have the courage to. It's embarrassing so I've been lying about still going to work. I'd leave the house at 10 and hang out for 5 hours at the library until I can go home, the time when I said work ended. The problem is is that I've been searching for a new job so I can say that I quit my old one and took this one instead but as you can tell, I've had no luck, even after applying for jobs.
I have two big charges coming up. $2,000 for my teeth and another $2,000 for my college. My mom says she's going to be paying for half of each of those bills which means I have to somehow come up with $2,000 before the end of this upcoming May...I have $400 in my bank right now...I don't know what to do. I know that time is ticking and I'll have to tell her I don't have the money because I haven't worked for two months but I'd rather tell her early then humiliate her and myself and get ourselves in financial trouble but everytime I try to bring it up, I chicken out and stop...

Second issue

Spoiler:

The second thing is that because I no longer have a job, I can no longer afford things. Things haven't been well between my mom and I and it's been causing me to have social issues and confidence issues. My boyfriend has been noticing and finally told me that he thinks it's time I should move out. I would love to but I don't have enough money, nor a steady income at the moment. But instead of telling him I got fired to save myself from embarrassment, I haven't told him I got fired and therefore have lied to him about still working too. I lied about getting an apartment and seeing the apartment and now he wants to come visit me... (he lives in another country). Now I don't know what to do. Whether to lie and say I'm just not ready to move out or to tell him the truth... But the problem is is that I really don't want to tell him I lied to him...I'd rather just say that I'm not ready to move out...even if that does mean that I can finally see him. But that's hurtful...I don't want him to break up with me for cancelling... but I don't want him to buy the bus ticket for nothing...

I'm really freaking out and I'm in a big mess... I shouldn't have lied...lying is a mess guys. Don't do it..

These two things have been stressing me out lately and I really can hardly function now. Any advice?... Be as nice or harsh as you want. I'm already aware of how ♥♥♥♥ed up this all is but I have no one to talk to about this since the people involved are the ones who I usually go to for help.

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I can somewhat relate to this sort of situation, but not to the exact points you described. In university, I always lied about the marks that I was receiving, telling my family that I'm doing well when in reality I was doing horribly, which as a result caused me to become depressed, and borderline suicidal. But it eventually came time when all the lies started piling up, and became way too stressful to handle. Life lesson: Never lie about important matters such as what you're going through. If your parents are anything like proper parents should be, they should be there for you regardless of your relationship; parents are there to support you no matter what happens. So, I think it would be wise to just come clean about everything \: Not to be too harsh or anything, but you should have probably told them once you realizing that these problems are becoming hard to handle by yourself instead of digging yourself into a larger hole...

AdmiralMcmuffin said:

Hey all,I need some advice...how can I get over a girl that I have a thing for? And yeah,its the same girl I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is I've tried to convince my self to let her go,because she's been dating a guy for 6 months,and I've tried to be friends again but she's been rather two-faced with me and it just doesn't feel right. I've also tried concentrating on my future,because in my opinion my future is great! So what can I do to get over her?

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To do this you have to convince yourself the relationship is over. Not just in your mind, which you acknowledge, but in your heart also. Your heart is refusing to let go even when your mind knows there's no chance between you and your ex. Sometimes the heart can be even more stubborn than the mind.

How do I live on without friends irl?

The Void said:

How do I live on without friends irl?

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How old are you? Recommendations for how to find new friends are really dependent on what stage of your life you're currently in.

Unless your question is that you want to live with no friends but don't know how. Which one do you mean?

Oryx said:

How old are you? Recommendations for how to find new friends are really dependent on what stage of your life you're currently in.

Unless your question is that you want to live with no friends but don't know how. Which one do you mean?

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Old enough -- I meant I'm temporarily facing life without support from friends.