The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

Railgun · Dec 16, 2011

So your saying the bigger the butt,the "butter"? Ok that was bad pun. *Hides in the corner of shame*

But all kidding aside. I had to redo most of my hair for a more feminine look since my old hair was horrible!

Ctrl.Alt.Geak · Dec 16, 2011

When online people think I'm male all the time, and I love it, however in real life my...uhh "chest" is a bit of a dead giveaway unfortunately, I really hate it.

Esper · Dec 16, 2011

I get about an equal number of "miss"s and "sir"s from people, although more of the former in person and more of the later over the phone because I have a kind of growly (though not deep) quality to my voice.

Honestly though, most of the times people interact with me they don't use either, probably because they're unsure and don't want to offend me, so I don't really think many people assume I'm female. I've got long-ish hair and painted nails, but I don't use much makeup and my day-to-day clothes are pretty gender-neutral so I can see how I wouldn't "pass" around a lot of people. Not that I'm really interested in passing. I don't mind it if I do (and it's nice not to have that unspoken confrontation), but if I don't I just ~~dwell on it all day long and let it eat at me from inside~~ go on with my life.

Ineffable~ said:
@Nakuzami: No problem, I'll always be here to protect you from mean old Scarf. n3n

Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:

Alice · Dec 17, 2011

Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.

Kano Shuuya · Dec 17, 2011

^ I think part of that might be that she doesn't want to remember. My mom tends to do that with my whole ordeal as well. When I first mentioned it, or told her, she'd just never bring it up unless I said something. Or when I would bring it up, she'd act like she didn't know what I was talking about at first. Even now days she'd rather avoid it altogether, even though she doesn't really hate against it. She even says "Sorry, I forget sometimes", even though I figure she doesn't really.

I'd almost bet that you mom didn't totally forget.. it's there somewhere, even if it isn't all consuming for her. Because I imagine that when your child says something like that, it doesn't just completely leave your mind. Or I know if I were a parent, and it were my child, it wouldn't just poof out of my mind. D;

Alakazam17 · Dec 17, 2011

I'm going to go ahead and quote a bunch of people now.

Nakuzami said:
Thanks, lol. I just get confused sometimes, as I don't believe I've ever talked to a trans person (or . . . perhaps a trans person that I knew was trans, but I still don't think I have) before coming to this thread, so I have like little to no knowledge on the subject, lol.

No worries, I understand as well.

Nakuzami said:
@Alakazam17 - You . . . um . . . hmph -3- All I have to say is: Down with My Little Pony!!

Them's fighting words! IT! IS! ON! xD

Ineffable~ said:
I'm like the only trans person I know that's never been (offline) seen as the right gender! So, that's kind of weird, right? xD

I dunno if it's weird, and you may in fact have similar experience as me when you were little, with the only exception being that your parents didn't tell you about it. xD

AshleyKetchum said:
So your saying the bigger the butt,the "butter"? Ok that was bad pun. *Hides in the corner of shame*

Haha, puns are awesome! *high fives*

Scarf said:
Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:

Scarf, you are made of win. That is all. =P

QuilavaKing said:
Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.

I've gotten a similar reaction from my own mother, unfortunately, about my being transgender. She literally has not brought it up since I told her, though I have implied it a few times since(like the time she said "Well I'm not a man" and I replied with "Well niether am I," XD).

My money's on the fact that she still knows, especially given the fact that she's against it. She's probably in denial, and prefers not to talk about it. But, as with my mother, it's something she has to deal with eventually.

Kayges · Dec 17, 2011

Even though it's a defense mechanism for the brain to forget traumatizing experiences, I highly doubt that qualifies as such, ahah.

In my experience, my mom was rather direct about me being gay. To be honest I forget how the conversation came up, I think I just told her, but I'll never forget her reaction. The first thing she said was "You know how they do it, right?" xD
A couple of weeks later she was on about getting me a therapist to help with my "problem" and yadda yadda.

I'm not sure which is worse, having it be so bad for your parent that they pretend to forget about it or having them be direct about it. On one hand you have that lingering tension, but no big fight about it. On the other hand you have the big confrontation, but then it's over and done with eventually.

Sydian · Dec 17, 2011

The first thing she said was "You know how they do it, right?" xD

HAHA! If I ever have kids and one turns out gay and comes out, this is going to be my reaction...followed by "well okay now what...um...let's go throw a party or something. hop in the car, we're going to pick out your cake" "but..." "DO YOU WANT CAKE OR NOT CHILD"

lol...me as a parent...lolol

Ineffable~ · Dec 17, 2011

Scarf said:
Did I just get called old?

Spoiler:

Bring it.

QuilavaKing said:
Okay, so... somewhat odd situation...

About 4 or 5 months ago, my mom asked if I was gay, and I just said yes, because at the time I really wasn't interested in girls at all. She sort of made a big deal about it, (she's against it, being a Christian, but she was never mean about it, or anything) but now I think she's forgotten. Like, she doesn't seem to remember, at all.

Honestly, if that's the case I'd be kind of glad... but it's annoying not knowing if she knows. lol
But really, how am I supposed to know if she knows? It's really not a huge deal, it's just... odd to me.

Yeah, that's something we call denial. And the idiotic version of it, at that. Mention it so much that she can't even ignore it. /loladvice

Kayges said:
I'm not sure which is worse, having it be so bad for your parent that they pretend to forget about it or having them be direct about it. On one hand you have that lingering tension, but no big fight about it. On the other hand you have the big confrontation, but then it's over and done with eventually.

In principle, I would prefer that they at least take me seriously enough to mention it, but in reality I prefer when my parents are silent about it because the only times they mention it these days is basically as a comeback.

Sydian said:
HAHA! If I ever have kids and one turns out gay and comes out, this is going to be my reaction...followed by "well okay now what...um...let's go throw a party or something. hop in the car, we're going to pick out your cake" "but..." "DO YOU WANT CAKE OR NOT CHILD"

lol...me as a parent...lolol

I would love you forever if you gave me cake just for being gay. <3

Shining Raichu · Dec 17, 2011

Kayges said:
A couple of weeks later she was on about getting me a therapist to help with my "problem" and yadda yadda.

Personally, I think this is the worst reaction of all. Your parent being so horrified about the fact that you're gay that you need help to change it. Though I could be misunderstanding. Was the therapy she wanted you to take to help you deal with being gay, or to change it?

Kayges · Dec 17, 2011

Shining Raichu said:
Personally, I think this is the worst reaction of all. Your parent being so horrified about the fact that you're gay that you need help to change it. Though I could be misunderstanding. Was the therapy she wanted you to take to help you deal with being gay, or to change it?

I have to apologize for writing it off as if it were nothing, it really is a terrible reaction. To answer your question, though, my mom basically thought I was going through a 'phase' and wanted to get me a therapist to 'fix' me. She went on about how homosexuals have a high rate of suicide attempts and that I would get depressed for being a homosexual.

It's a bit of a long story, I'm sure all of us have long stories, but I don't want to go on and on about myself here, heh. I think that answers your question, but if you want to talk about it more you can always message me.

Esper · Dec 17, 2011

I suppose it goes over the heads of many that worrying about higher suicide rates among gay people can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not that I'm saying they cause it, but when you tell someone "Oh, I wish you weren't gay. They have such a hard time." and stuff like that you're actually contributing to some of that hard time.

Kayges · Dec 17, 2011

Scarf said:
I suppose it goes over the heads of many that worrying about higher suicide rates among gay people can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not that I'm saying they cause it, but when you tell someone "Oh, I wish you weren't gay. They have such a hard time." and stuff like that you're actually contributing to some of that hard time.

^
This is what I attempted to convey to her, but by the time that happened there had been too much fighting to come to an understanding. When their child is not what they always wanted them to be, no matter how much control they tried to have over them, it may leave them very bitter. At least, that is what I have experienced.

Shining Raichu · Dec 17, 2011

There's no need to apologise, Kayges, it's your story, you can tell it however you want to tell it lol. I guess at the very least your mother, misguided as she was, was coming from a place of love rather than a place of 'it's an abomination we need to fix you!' Though yeah, as Scarf said, that can contribute to the problem more than solve it.

If you want to go into more detail about your story, this would be the place to do it! We all go on and on about ourselves here, so there's no need to be shy about it :P - but also no pressure, if you don't want to then that's fine lol

Esper · Dec 17, 2011

Kayges said:
^
This is what I attempted to convey to her, but by the time that happened there had been too much fighting to come to an understanding. When their child is not what they always wanted them to be, no matter how much control they tried to have over them, it may leave them very bitter. At least, that is what I have experienced.

Oh, definitely. It's bitter for everyone involved. Of course I have a lot less sympathy for the parents in these cases for obvious reasons.

I mean, I already think it's pretty bad when parents have weird expectations for their kids ("I want a boy and a girl." "I want them to like the things I like." etc. etc.) and don't just hope they grow up healthy and happy, but when your expectation is that they won't be gay from the start... I just don't even.

Kayges · Dec 17, 2011

Ahahah, there is no doubt that I have always been on the shy side.
I understand my mom had her heart in the right place at the time. The "long story" part has to do with some irrelevant things that was cause to a lot of fighting.
Thanks for the encouragement Rai. ^^

I completely agree with you, Scarf. It feels like a lot of people I talk to about children have this very same view of what they would want their child to be like. Heck, I even get annoyed when one parent automatically refers to the unborn baby as 'him' when they don't even know the gender...well that's a sexism thing, sort of different, but it's still about expectation.

Shining Raichu · Dec 17, 2011

Parents having expectations for their kids is always something that has bugged me, especially since even outside of being gay, I have fallen so short of what my parents wanted me to be haha. They tried to get me into playing soccer just like my Dad did when he was younger, but I had no interest. They wanted me to be into cars like my Dad is now, but I failed again haha. I'm not bitter about it, because in the end I live my life to please myself and not my parents, but i have to wonder sometimes if they'd prefer a son who could give them what they wanted.

But really, what right do they have to have any expectations of us? The fact that they gave us life does not give them the right to control what we do with it or how we experience it.

Kayges · Dec 17, 2011

I guess I can understand where they are coming from, but I agree that it gives them no right to control their child. My mom had an iron grip on me and I didn't even know it until I was 15 and realized I had free will.

On a lighter note, my dad is an expert mechanic, heavy machines operator, and speaks car lingo that I will never understand. xD He never forced me into things, he just let me try them. I'm terrible with everything he does, but it makes home life kind of funny at least, hah.

johnny18 · Dec 17, 2011

Shining Raichu said:
Parents having expectations for their kids is always something that has bugged me, especially since even outside of being gay, I have fallen so short of what my parents wanted me to be haha. They tried to get me into playing soccer just like my Dad did when he was younger, but I had no interest. They wanted me to be into cars like my Dad is now, but I failed again haha. I'm not bitter about it, because in the end I live my life to please myself and not my parents, but i have to wonder sometimes if they'd prefer a son who could give them what they wanted.

But really, what right do they have to have any expectations of us? The fact that they gave us life does not give them the right to control what we do with it or how we experience it.

I fail in everything my mom expects me to do: driving, finding a job, going to good university,.......and more :(

QT · Dec 18, 2011

Joining. I'm 100% gay. Known for about 3 years. I'm only out to close friends and half the family. I see no need to make the information public in the near future, honestly it sounds like more of a hassle.

As for the current discussion on expectations. I'd definitely agree that it's hard for parents to accept that their child is something different than what they expected. You have to remember that as soon as parents discover the gender of their child it's only natural to start thinking about how they'll grow up, and all those milestone events that are associated with genders. I don't think any parent would ever imagine their child growing up to be gay.

I'm not trying to defend parents who think like this, if they behave homophobic as a result then obviously they'd lose all my sympathy.

The Rainbow Connection [LGBTS Club]

More options

Railgun

Ever Day Another New Adventure

Ctrl.Alt.Geak

Swords Master

Esper

Alice

(>^.(>0.0)>

Kano Shuuya

→ you're here, aren't you?

Alakazam17

[b]Long time no see![/b]

Kayges

Ebb & Flow

Sydian

fake your death.

Ineffable~

DAT SNARKITUDE

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Kayges

Ebb & Flow

Esper

Kayges

Ebb & Flow

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Esper

Kayges

Ebb & Flow

Shining Raichu

Expect me like you expect Jesus.

Kayges

Ebb & Flow

johnny18

Kiss Me Like It's Do or Die

QT

可愛い