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  #1    
Old March 17th, 2007, 08:33 PM
Matt Silver's Avatar
Matt Silver
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Join Date: Oct 2005
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Btw, I'm pretty sure it's cool to post it here since it's only a preview:
Hey ya'll, I'm writing a new fic that is kinda a journey with some (hopefully) original ideas incorporated. I thought I'd post up a preview a.k.a. the Prologue and I'd like you guys to give the preview a read- hopefully to make you want to read it when I'm done!

Enjoy:
_______________________________________
Prologue: Destiny of the Children

Central City’s St. Twelves Hospital would be the talk of all of Kinra for the next few days. For the fifth time in November, 2005, a baby was kidnapped in Paediatrics’ Marshall Hendrix Wing.

An agent of the infamous Shade Syndicate, an underground movement of activists (Though some would call them terrorists) wearing all black who have been waging political warfare against the government for unknown reasons in recent years, had snuck into the Marshall Hendrix Wing and into the Nursery, home of about twenty babies born in the past three days.

His name was Mike Twain, the son of a “peace-pushing fascist”, as stated by the press, who easily got access to the Nursery, having charmed the nurse in charge with his handsome features, including dark green eyes and jet-black hair, and a certain accent that was hard to trace, maybe a little British.

Escaping with a crying baby in his arms was the hard part of this endeavour, but Mike Twain had delivered Zachary James Ramsey, born November 24th 2005, to his employers deep underground base in Ester City, just east of Central City.

Unfortunately for Mike Twain, the Central City Police Department caught him two weeks later as he came back for another baby. After five days of interrogation, he was offered a deal by the stocky and dark skinned Lt. Cal Cullen, who had been promised a medal by Mayor Jennings.

The idea to plant a wire and a GPS locater on Mike was executed and the raid of a secret lab was successful, as all the babies from this lab and others like it had been returned to their parents. No questions asked about what Shade Syndicate were doing to their children were asked, or at least, none were answered.

This story centres around three of these children:

Zach Ramsey lives in Swift City with his mother 14 years later, his 15th birthday coming up soon, and is eager to begin his Pokémon Journey through Kinra (Taking the Gym Badge Challenge path 1 of 3) in two months…

Ally Hendrix was another child taken from Central City by Mike Twain a few months before Zach was and is now living in Sevenate City with her father, having recovered from a terrible boating accident and about to start her Contest Quest in two months…

Nat Sellings lives in Lanna Islands, just south of Kinra, and is one of the youngest archaeologists of his time, having graduated a year ago. While other kids his age can’t wait to begin journeys, he plans to stay home and continue studying the Yarra Tombs when two men dressed in black come to kill him…

But, on the same year the children would be going on their Pokémon Journeys, Shade Syndicate would make their move to retrieve their experiments and take what is theirs- special “changes” mixed in with the children’s DNA…
______________________________________
Hope you like. Be sure to give a little review or suggestions on making it dunno, better?
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  #2    
Old March 19th, 2007, 09:06 AM
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Light_Azumarill
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My brain kept reading 'Mike Twain' as 'Mark Twain'. XD

I think it sounds good so far. I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of babies being taken from hospitals in a fic before. Though, DNA changes have been used to death, so just try and be careful with that area or you'll be heading into the land of cliche! Just keep it interesting, make sure the characters feel real and not cookie-cutter, and don't make the pokemon mindless. Then it should be okay. ^-^ Good luck!
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Old March 19th, 2007, 09:06 PM
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Matt Silver
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Light_Azumarill View Post
My brain kept reading 'Mike Twain' as 'Mark Twain'. XD

I think it sounds good so far. I mean, I don't think I've ever heard of babies being taken from hospitals in a fic before. Though, DNA changes have been used to death, so just try and be careful with that area or you'll be heading into the land of cliche! Just keep it interesting, make sure the characters feel real and not cookie-cutter, and don't make the pokemon mindless. Then it should be okay. ^-^ Good luck!
Thanks. Could you please elaborate on other fics with DNA changes so I can see how my plan is different?
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  #4    
Old March 20th, 2007, 08:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Silver View Post
Thanks. Could you please elaborate on other fics with DNA changes so I can see how my plan is different?
Believe everything written by Mack Foxx so far in the forum (sp on his username though >>; sorry) got something related to crazy scientist or DNA alternation...

Chibi's "The Legendarian Chronicles" (you can find this fanfic in our very own fanfiction archive!) got DNA alternation involved, but that does not happen until well into the novel. It's one of, if not, the best fanfics that use DNA alternation, yet doesn't kill itself through this overused plot device.

Quest of a Legend by Dragonfree got a brief mention of DNA alternation and cloning practices by one of the early gym leaders. However, it's (up to my point of reading) a rather minor plot devices. But, it's there.

Light Azumarill is very true on how it's overused to death... every "scentific approach" to Pokemon world is screwing with the DNA, usually by the Rockets/"bad guys." Add "DNA gives Pokemon talking ablity"/"uber darn strong Pokemon" to the DNA idea, and you got yourself the stereotypical yet craptastical Pokemon Science Fiction.

The fact that Mewtwo and Deoxys are "Genetic/DNA Pokemon" got everyone on some science high that involves these theories... not to mention, supposedly it gives the author some aura of superiority when they throw in those college terms in a fanfic for 15 year olds. ; Frankly, if I see a laboratory with the word "DNA" somewhere in the first chapter of the fanfic, it better be darn good right off the bat, or I'll just avoid it like plague.

(Next to the Original Trainer idea, Scientific Catastrophe is the runner up for the most cheesy and difficult to manage plot devices ever, on par with the Alternate Universe High School Romance)


EDIT: Indeed, Mark Twain and Mike Twain are so similar in name that it's not even funny... I was all expecting Mike to just smash the audience with pure cynical comments and dooms the world or something, while happily burns the nearby church down and captures a Farfetch'd only to roast it alive for a good meal.
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  #5    
Old March 20th, 2007, 09:17 AM
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Everything that Frostweaver said = truth!

I just want to add that if you end up making Pokemon/human hybrids in some manner, I would be careful with how strong you make their powers. A lot of fics with Pokemorphs end up making their powers far too God-like and perfectly controllable. If I suddenly had a power that allowed me to expel electricity, I'd probably end up accidentally frying something/someone. XD
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Old March 20th, 2007, 08:43 PM
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Matt Silver
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No I'm actually planning the kids have
Spoiler:
Special Abilities triggered by traumatic events (You know, self healing, telekinisis to name a few- but no god-like figures)


nothing like pokemon/human hybrids or Pokemorphs, which i disgust.

And i'll think of a new name instead of Mike Twain (Who's Mark Twain though?)

Last edited by Matt Silver; March 20th, 2007 at 09:11 PM.
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  #7    
Old March 21st, 2007, 04:10 AM
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Mark Twain is a Writer/Poet, he was the authour of Huckleberry Fin and many more
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Old March 21st, 2007, 11:54 AM
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Many more indeed. Tom Sawyer, Life on the Missisippi, Roughing It... They're all by Mark Twain. He's practically my favorite author of short stories. He was known for being quite cynical, and had a very dim view, unfortunately, of churches, mostly because of the hypocrisy of certain church-goers. (I might kick myself for saying this, but..) You're probably not from America or you'd know about him. He's a pretty well-known author over here.
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Old March 21st, 2007, 08:04 PM
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Mark Twain is more like cynical of everything including life itself... Somehow I fell asleep every time trying to read Huckleberry Fin XD; (Maybe it's the darn accent >>)... Eh, didn't really like his writing. I do believe that along with the churches, Twain also picks on optimistic writers *very intensively.* You'll always find Twain's quotes in those "quotation webpages" but at least half of his quotes is a satire of an, motivational/inspiring/optimistic existing one, usually turning its meaning to be completely opposite.
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