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  #1    
Old June 24th, 2013, 08:27 PM
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I just want to know what people think about some dating sites. There are popular ones i.e. eHarmony and Plenty of Fish, and there are many media-driven reports of it working for many people, but what I want to know is:

ღ Have you tried using a dating site to find friends, potential partners, a spouse or a significant other?
★ If you have tried a dating site, which one did you join and were you successful in your "goal"?
★ Similarly, what motivated you to try a dating site in the first place?

★ If you haven't tried a dating site, what factors have affected your decision not to try it out?

ღ Do you hold any prejudice against people who use dating sites? i.e. "Uncool," "Nerdy," "Losers," "Perverts"

ღ Did the perception of people in your social group positively or negatively affect your decision to try or not to try a dating site?

ღ Do you think dating sites are designed to attract "suckers" and simply prey on their desire for love or to be loved to earn money? Simply: Are these sites money-driven more than people-driven?



Something that bothers me about eHarmony in particular are their ethics. It is very patriarch in that women should show how they can impress men, while men are encouraged to write anything they want about themselves; who cares? The women will just "flow" in. I can't remember where I read it - probably a magazine last year - but apparently that's what eHarmony discretely says in their biography section of the profile.

I'm currently on Plenty of Fish looking for friends / if that develops into a long-term relationship, that's good, too. So far, the majority of men who have seen my profile and have commented that they'd "want to meet me" (or whatever the equivalent is in English) have been perverted. Really drives prejudice against the online dating scene lol and makes me want to just try face-to-face and hope something happens because then there's no underlying "I'm here for it to happen." It just does. Plus, I probably won't have to shift through perverts like Eric Cartman on Chat Roulette.

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If you don't get the reference, click here.

Then again, I've also met some nice people so far. One is way too addicted to videogames (Hey, I like Pokemon, too, but that's all he wants to talk about... Bummer). One is genuinely a nice individual who shares my anime interests. Another is an educated social marketer from Toronto with similar gaming interests among other things. That's three out of the many people who I've tried to talk to / who have contacted me.

Yet, I still feel somewhat foolish / stupid / embarassed to even be on a site like that because of the typical perception of "Haha! You can't find someone in real life; you have to date online. Haha!" so I feel ridiculed even though no one's actually pointing and laughing at me.

Spoiler:


So I just want to know: What do you think of dating sites?
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Old June 25th, 2013, 01:26 AM
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they benefit women more than they benefit men by a long shot

it's a microcosm of how real life works: men have to do all the work initiating contact. i figured it was pointless since i was meeting women in real life anyway so i deleted mine. i was on okcupid
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Old June 25th, 2013, 03:42 AM
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Someone I work with met his wife on PoF after divorcing his other wife and after dating some other crazy lady.. he decided to try online dating, and contacter her and spoke online for a while before they met. Now they are happily married for uh.. I think it'll be 7 years this year. Not to shabby.

I've not tried it myself but I've helped a couple guy friends (they are young.. in their mid 20s) set theirs up. Though I'm sure its difficult for women because many will prob just get contacted with "want a fun time?" even if their profile states that they're not looking for one. Oh well! Even if you just take it as experience dealing with people and getting your feet wet in the dating world, then it's good, but just be safe about it!
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Old June 25th, 2013, 02:57 PM
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Met my current boyfriend through a semi-dating site. So much better, I think, than finding someone at, say, a bar.
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Old June 25th, 2013, 03:39 PM
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I feel that I'd be on a dating site if I had no other choice. Which is looking to be like soon.

I totally get the prejudice against people who use dating sites. Myself being one-of-them in the future, I can kinda agree with that haha.

I guess they're a good idea in theory, but I really need face-to-face interaction to feel a connection. Even with people I'm close to, I feel really disconnected online. And also how they're exploited by pervs making them inefficient in practice.
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Old June 25th, 2013, 07:46 PM
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I personally am not a fan of searching for people. I've found that meeting someone I love just kind of happens, but that's just me. I totally understand if you're the kind that likes to get out there and search and try things out with different people. I have no problem with people meeting online and having long distance relationships. In fact, I find it easier to get to know someone when I'm speaking with them online. Most of my closest friends I met online. Face to face things are more difficult for me.

I think it's a bit ridiculous and excessive as to how many dating sites there are though, and how many for specific people and groups. blackpeoplemeet, farmersonline, cougarlife, christianmingle...soooo so so sooo many. Guess it narrows it down for you though? idk.
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Old June 25th, 2013, 10:53 PM
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I personally am not a fan of searching for people. I've found that meeting someone I love just kind of happens, but that's just me.
I'm like this, too, which is why I have a weird prejudice against dating sites in general. I still even hold this perspective in a way; I feel silly even for registering lol :\

Yet, I'd love to have made some acquaintances / friends in the Ottawa area for when I go to school there next year. I think that would be neat and advantageous, esp. for room mates.

Although my main idea is to meet people and make some friends (don't have many of those... I'd like to go on some outings with some buds. Never really experienced that), I'd love to actually find someone eventually :\ but I still doubt these kinds of sites lol Esp. with all the pervs that keep messaging me.
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Old June 25th, 2013, 11:55 PM
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^Exactly what those 2 posts above said.

I can't help but feeling it will come naturally.

Also looking makes you look desperate and that's mostly a turn off anyways.
And honestly I wouldn't like the idea of knowing that my future bf/crush would've been someone like that spend his time flirting with any person alive out there. o-o
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Old June 26th, 2013, 03:00 AM
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It is said that good things will come to those who wait, yes, but it is also true that those who sit on their duff will rarely find love. I too once believed that all I had to do was wait and love would come to me. I did that for years. It wasn't until I got off my duff and went out there to actually meet people that I finally did find someone who filled that empty place in my heart. We found each other by accident, but that only was possible because both of us were searching. The person you may end up falling in love with could be across the room from you in a food court. But if you don't get up to say hello, you may ruin your chance with that person.
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Old June 26th, 2013, 04:37 AM
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Well said Jay! Ok, now here's my thoughts on dating sites:

-I have never used a dating site, nor even looked at one to be honest. This is because I no longer feel the need to chase after love if you think of it like that. Heck, even if by some miracle a woman was interested in me in real life or a dating site I would probably have to politely decline anything romantic, I can barely manage myself and friends let alone being paired with another person so closely emotionally. No thanks, not now. I'm also 17, and my opinion of dating sites is that they're generally used by adults in their 30's who are really getting desperate. It might not be true of everyone but it seems like the stereotype. So yeah my social group would definitely not use dating sites.

As I mentioned in the paragraph above I mentioned the people who use dating sites are pretty desperate, they're not uncool or freaks for using one but it's definitely a turn off if someone is so needy to specifically search online for romance. I use a lot of online services, Facebook, forums, multiplayer games etc and there are some awesome people to meet but I just can't imagine getting romantic to someone you haven't met physically, if anyone has done that please feel free to tell us how it works for you

Unless a dating site is 100% free or only relies on advertisement revenue then yes, it is definitely profit driven, and I'd say the success rates are quite low and not worth the cost.

Overall opinion on dating sites: Full of horny perverts as Belldandy said, and I think it'd be a lot harder to have success on one than other methods. There are some cool people to meet sure, but how about just sitting down and starting a conversation with that cute chick at the bus stop rather than searching for a "perfect" someone, who is probably lying about themselves. If you're too shy to talk to someone in real life than you should probably work on your articulation and confidence more, it will make you a lot more appealing!

Not that I date anyone in real life, that's just my opinion though...
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Old June 26th, 2013, 05:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Black Ice View Post
they benefit women more than they benefit men by a long shot

it's a microcosm of how real life works: men have to do all the work initiating contact. i figured it was pointless since i was meeting women in real life anyway so i deleted mine. i was on okcupid
I to have a profile on Okcupid, i forgot all about it.. haha

I gotta disagree, i met alot of people on dating sites and it didn't turn out to be a relationship i had intimate encounters and some with people to this day i still talk to, so i earned friends..They also contacted me first for the most part, but i think its mainly cause of my pics which brings me to why i hate them..

Dating sites are a waste because they are full of shallow people, they're on a dating site and yet their standards are still ridiculously high.. They most of the time judge by looks not by what you write on them. If you do meet someone they are more interested in getting laid than an actual relationship.. I wanna remind everyone I'm a guy saying this too..
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Old July 1st, 2013, 11:16 AM
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Ooh, I am glad someone brought up this topic cause I have a lot to say on this one :p

First off, the dating site you select should be for the primary purpose of the users of that website. If you are on a predominantly "hookup-up" site, then don't expect to find the love of your life, and if you are looking for the love of your life, then don't go to a casual dating site or a hookup site.

Here is a list of the general intentions of the users of various popular sites:

Adam4Adam - Hookup Site
Grindr/Craiglist - Hookup Site with Casual Dating Tendencies
Pof - A Casual Dating Site with Hookup Tendencies
Okcupid - A Casual Dating Site with some Serious Relationship Tendencies
Match/eHarmony - A Serious Relationship Site
Jdate, OurTime, Christian Mingle, ect. - A Serious Dating Site Within a Niche (religion, age, race, ect.)

Belldandy - If you don't want to or can't afford Match.com/eHarmony, I would suggest using OkCupid over Pof as a free dating service. There are generally fewer, Craiglisty-creepy skirt-chasers on there! Though, I would contend the general users on okCupid are in search of casual dating. Therefore, if you are seeking marriage material, you very well may be wasting your time, but as I said, there are handful of people who use okCupid for serious dating intentions.

Dating website, for the intended use for those seeking a long-term relationship, should use these sites as a means of setting-up dates. It is afterall a dating site. Though, a few correspondences should be sent to show interest and ask some preliminary questions to see if their is a mutual connection, beyond that, messages should be sparing. The relationship, regardless of what form it takes, starts once the two people meet in-person. At which time, if there is a mutual attraction, contact information beyond the dating website can be exchanged. At which point, the two do not need to communicate via the website and their is a transition from the virtual dating life into the real-world dating life.

Long distance internet relationships VERY RARELY develop into anything substantive, even with the invention of Skype, online relationships belies the connection in a manner that each person idealizes the other. Once meeting in person, neither can meet the other's idealistic expectations. The internet allows for a person to effectively filter their personality to conceal fatal flaws that may make the match incompatible. If you are seriously committed to finding a lasting relationship, shop for potential mates within a certain proximity; let's say 50 to 200 miles, depending on the population density where you live. From there, use the site sparingly, only as a device for planning dates to begin a relationship through meeting rather than as a tool to engage in a relationship. That means, don't give out personal data like last name, phone number, address, ect. until once you meet and you determine if you would like to continue seeing the other person.

Another thing, as some of you have addressed, is the objectification of people. People are not two-dimensional pictures distinguished how they perceive themselves subjectively. First, people tend to appear different in person, whether physical appearance or affectations, so if you are attracted to someone's online profile, you may be disappointed in-person, or conversely, if you are underwhelmed by a persons attractiveness online, you may very well be attracted to the physical presence. Looks can be deceiving. Also, who in their right mind will objectively complete their biographies? Is it me, or are there more people online who are caring, honest, and funny than their are in real life? Again, this is another reason why to not set expectations. The relationship starts when you meet.

Though, I would argue that meeting offline is the most effective method of dating, it is difficult for some.

Alternatives - Matchmaking services and local singles events.

Matchmaking services equivelent to Patti Stanger's hit show on Bravo, the Millionaire Matchmaker in which a group of gold-diggers fawn over a millionaire who feels the need to broadcast his wealth and persuasion over the women via the television broadcast. Rather, matchmaking services are one of the most traditional forms of dating. They limit choice, and thus allow for someone to date only those that they have set-up dates for given their more perceptive and objective perception of each of their clients. The downside, it is fairly expensive!!!

Another alternative to online dating are local single events. Theses may be in the form of white elephant parties or speed dating extravaganzas. Either way, they remove the pressure of making contact online or the apprehension with meeting with a stranger whom you may not have any interest in or vice versa. Additionally, matches are usually anonymous, so you are informed of all of the mutual matches without the worry of having to let someone down or vice versa. Some of these events can be accessed through dating sites like Match.com. These are usually in larger cities. OH, I might mention, blind date applications are not the same thing. I would never suggest you go use OkCupid's blind date service that only divulges first name and age, which are hardly enough to qualify a match. Though, blind dates set-up by friends might be a consideration, but I would advise you at least see a picture or two before the date, given that you may absolutely not be attracted to the other person, and thus, the date should be obviated.

Why utilize online dating sites?

For LGBT people, given that anywhere from 2-5 percent of the population identifies under the category. Internet search tools can help the search. Many gay men for instance, you would never know are gay, even if you are acquainted. Establishments like gay bars, where the likelihood that a person is gay is quite high is of no help either, given the few people who seriously intend to find a potential mate. More drastic measures, such as subscription to match.com or an investment in a matchmaking service might be highly beneficial.
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