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The Plot Bunny Thread

Is Fire Emblem: Conjoinst Souls something that you'd be interested in reading?

  • Yes

    Votes: 4 50.0%
  • No

    Votes: 4 50.0%

  • Total voters
    8

Xyrin

WOW REMEMBER THIS??
1,065
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I'm not too good at plots myself but what if the teams were going to resurrect the legendaries again and the lugia was the only one that was powerful enough to stop them. You could have the lugia be stubborn because it misses the old man and it needs to gain the trust of the boy first so he can't just use it to ultimately win every battle, and when he did you the lugia it would be a challenge because he would have to get it to listen.

And the goal would be to train the lugia and gain it's trust to have a battle at the end.
 

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
19
Years
I'm not too good at plots myself but what if the teams were going to resurrect the legendaries again and the lugia was the only one that was powerful enough to stop them. You could have the lugia be stubborn because it misses the old man and it needs to gain the trust of the boy first so he can't just use it to ultimately win every battle, and when he did you the lugia it would be a challenge because he would have to get it to listen.

And the goal would be to train the lugia and gain it's trust to have a battle at the end.

Point to note: You'd still have to answer the two main plot holes (why the evil teams aren't just going at each other whenever they try to resurrect their respective legendaries and why Lugia didn't simply help the old man to escape). In fact, going at this angle makes the second plot hole even more pressing to answer, considering it's emphasizing that the Lugia is powerful and cares about the old man.

But other than that, this could be a possibility for how to work the story too.

So... yeah. Basically, the main issue with topgun's plot isn't so much the little things that are on the outlying edge of it (like risking making the main character a Sue) but instead the two biggest plot holes around which the story is unfortunately centered. In other words, if those two plot holes don't get patched up, you can offer plots all you want, but there will still be things that are off about it.
 
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Now here what im trying to point out is that there is a temporary truce in the sense that team apple , no-apple and all-apple will get apples in equal quantities for the time being and they have their own territories in which they have autonomy this has been done to fight off any opposition. i know that they cant work together but this truce would not last forever will it?. The protagonists job becomes more difficult.now untill all opposition has been eliminated they will work togther and after that their war will begin.they first want to make sure their are no good guys.backstabbing and all that stuff is the inside story i just wanted to sketch out a plot first and see if it sounds interesting.


as for the lugia..... as you lugia is supposed to be a "good" pokemon and immensely powerful now what im saying is that the old man is not able to fight any battles because of his age and now he trusts his young boy and belives that he can do something.The old man got this lugia because he had the parent lugia whose whereabouts are unknown.plus this baby lugia needs to be trained the old man stopped training his pokemon years ago and he did not train this baby lugia he just kept it like a pet. he lost interest in pokemon battles when he realised he was too old for that stuff.

superjesus's and xyrins's ideas are good and it could be like you both pointed. lugia could be a little stubborn at first and xyrin ur idea is interesting i should give a little thought to it...
 
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JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
19
Years
Now here what im trying to point out is that there is a temporary truce in the sense that team apple , no-apple and all-apple will get apples in equal quantities for the time being and they have their own territories in which they have autonomy this has been done to fight off any opposition. i know that they cant work together but this truce would not last forever will it?. The protagonists job becomes more difficult.now untill all opposition has been eliminated they will work togther and after that their war will begin.they first want to make sure their are no good guys.backstabbing and all that stuff is the inside story i just wanted to sketch out a plot first and see if it sounds interesting.

Point is it could work if you make it clear that this is what's going on. A lot of people tend to think of Team Aqua and Team Magma as being the same as Team Rocket, so they have the three teams (or two out of three) team up without addressing the fundamental differences that make Aqua and Magma what they are (that is, their goals and how much they differ). As a result, the plot ends up feeling like it has a massive plot hole because this fact is never addressed in those other fics.

Also keep in mind that Aqua and Magma don't actually think of themselves as bad guys. (At least, not outside of Special canon.) After all, their goals are ultimately to benefit all life on the planet, especially other land-dwellers. They have no desire to take over anything, actually. They just want to change the face of the planet so that land-dwellers have more land to expand their civilization (in Magma's case) or so that land-dwellers have more water to function (in Aqua's case). You'd therefore have to address why they'd be putting aside their differences to take over a region or why they're teaming up with a team that's blatantly an evil organization.

In other words, there are ways it could work, and yes, they could team up to get rid of opposition first. However, you'd still have to address the fact that their goals are not to take over particular regions, that they have no desire to set up dystopias, and that they don't think of themselves as evil. In other words, now that you have the issue of how they're working together out of the way, you'd have to consider with a lot of thought what they're trying to do.

what im saying is that the old man is not able to fight any battles because of his age

First off, age doesn't matter. There have been instances of people who are older and still fighting. (At least, in game canon.) Besides, it's Pokémon who do most of the work.

Moreover, this is still a Lugia, so if the boy uses it to break out of wherever they're being held, then why wouldn't Lugia act on its own to help its own trainer?

Not to mention what really doesn't make sense is why the old man just sort of gives up. I mean, he's up for execution. Wouldn't he want to use any advantage he could to survive? It really doesn't matter whether or not he trusts the boy to defeat the teams because if he's up for being executed, that could very well happen before the boy even has a chance to go up against the team leader. He really doesn't know. Moreover, if he just met the boy, he really doesn't have much to go on when it comes to judging his character, right? So, he has no way to tell whether or not he would even succeed or whether or not the kid would be strong enough to handle Lugia.

This is actually one of the issues you'd want to address if you use the "Lugia refuses to listen to the trainer" plot. If the man gives the kid his Lugia without even bothering to think about whether or not he'd be able to tame the legendary, he's basically sticking a monster capable of blasting someone into the ground with someone who may or may not have the skill to keep it from doing that. That and he's resting the fate of the world on someone who can't handle using the key to save it, if that makes sense. I mean, this is going to be the kid's starter, right? If Lugia refuses to listen, that means the kid will have a rough time getting other Pokémon, and considering the fact that he's trying to fight against an evil government, that means he should be learning quickly because they'll probably know that he's, you know, blasted his way out of prison. I mean, he is a prisoner too, right? So, it's very likely that the evil teams, who are keeping tabs on any potential opposition, would know that there's a kid with a Lugia running around, so that kid had better know how to use the Lugia if he's not going to have anything else to defend himself with. Not to mention he'd probably be preoccupied with running instead of attempting to get Lugia to obey him.

Beyond that, wouldn't Lugia draw unnecessary attention towards him? I mean, it's a legendary, and given the fact that very few other people have legendaries, the teams would know to look for a kid with a Lugia. And if they took down a grown man with a Lugia and other powerful Pokémon, they'd probably know how to take down a rookie trainer with no Pokémon except a Lugia that won't listen to him. Not to mention that as soon as people saw the Lugia, they'd probably make a rather big fuss about it. And considering this is a dystopia, it's possible that you might have people reporting him to the authorities/grunts/what-have-you for perks like "please leave my family alone."

But anyway.

The old man got this lugia because he had the parent lugia whose whereabouts are unknown.

So, he lost a legendary Pokémon.

One of the things you should probably keep in mind is the same process that you're considering putting your main character through. Gaining the trust of a legendary would be hard, especially because they're powerful and potentially ancient Pokémon. In anime canon, they don't just listen to anyone, and goodness help whoever thinks they're one of the rare ones who can tame them. So, if this old man had a Lugia for a long time, then it's rather strange that he lost a Pokémon that not only came to trust him deeply but also one that's been faithful to him for a long while. Not only that, but it's also unusual that it left behind its child. Anime canon (i.e., the only one that has shown legendaries to have children) has shown us that anyone who attempts to separate a parent from a baby legendary will likely get their face Aeroblasted off.

he lost interest in pokemon battles when he realised he was too old for that stuff.

But the Pokémon are a different story because battling is part of their instincts. Put it this way. Say you have a pet dog. You don't do dog battling or anything like that. Now, someone comes along and beats the crap out of you in front of that dog. Most likely, said dog will do something -- bark, bite you, jump on you, whatever. Pokémon are like that as well, only they wield mystical powers that make biting you even worse. So, yeah, it's unusual that several powerful Pokémon (the baby Lugia included) would just stand by and let themselves be killed while their owner gets captured, imprisoned, and sentenced to execution.

Not to mention, again, he's being sentenced to execution. If you know how to shoot a gun but have no desire to do it, you're still going to shoot a gun if you have one and if someone else is trying to kill you.

So I guess this leads me to ask, "But why doesn't the old man escape with the kid and then possibly go into hiding?" I mean, if you iron out the oddities of having a Lugia in the first place, having the old man give his Lugia to the boy because he's too old to be saving the world could work, but the main problem is he's still leaving himself to be executed.

That all said, yes, I get that you want to see whether or not this idea could be interesting. As I've tried to say, basically, the key to whether or not a story is interesting is all in the execution. The point of this thread is basically to help authors iron out kinks in their ideas and create from that a workable story. In your case, there's a lot for you to think about and sort through. It could work, yes, but there's a lot of questions that need to be answered. Moreover, once you answer those questions, there's others that pop up... and so on and so forth down the line. So, I guess this means you'll want to think a bit more about your plot and all of the things you want to do with it.
 

Xyrin

WOW REMEMBER THIS??
1,065
Posts
15
Years
Now here what im trying to point out is that there is a temporary truce in the sense that team apple , no-apple and all-apple will get apples in equal quantities for the time being and they have their own territories in which they have autonomy this has been done to fight off any opposition. i know that they cant work together but this truce would not last forever will it?.

But team No-apple wants NO apples at all. that means they're all failing and none but Team apple in a box is winning.
 
10
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  • Seen May 9, 2012
these two plot holes can easily be patched up with a bit of outside the box thinking.

Hows this: first, the parent lugia could only be befriended by the old man, but was captured alongside him and put into cryogenic freeze (thank you, futurama). its not some sort of god, it can be captured by by the bad guys. the evil teams are not trying to kill the old man, but find out from him how to control said lugia. he managed to hide the baby lugia and pass it off to the main character, who must raise it to save the geezer and parent lugia. Team rocket, who promised extra resources to magma and aqua if they stopped fighting each other and helped create the new world, is now sitting back and watching the two fight it out. both teams need an advantage, and hunt down the main character for his lugia. its still a baby, so all it knows is basic moves, no aeroblast.

the evil teams always planned to backstab each other, but were waiting until the perfect chance, and are still trying to resurrect groudon/kyogre. they made the deal with team rocket because they are eco-terrorists with good ideals, but basically sold their souls to the devil for extra cash that they hope they can use better than their opponents. now that team rocket has what it wants, they let the other teams try to capture the baby. as the story starts, the truce breaks.

there could be a branching storyline where the main character joins either aqua or magma and captures the legendary, only to battle the opposing main villain who has the other legendary. either way, the last boss would be giovanni who finally managed to control the parent lugia.

there. I just got the entire story started. you're welcome.

but seriously, can anyone give me feedback on my story? please?
 
34
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again im repeating what i said earlier....the three teams have come together but its a temporary truce....

btw every evil organisation denies that they are not "bad guys".....terrorists,for example believe that they are working for mankind.

yes they are teaming up for now but they dont really trust each other they belive that they will get rid of the good guys and then fight amongst themselves so that at no point of time they are surrounded on 2 sides and yeah team rocket can sit back and watch the action but before that the protangonist will obviously crush the three teams.

what superjesus explained in the 1st para is what i was thinking about a little different but yeah the general idea is the same.
 

JX Valentine

Your aquatic overlord
3,277
Posts
19
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Except, topgun, for the fact that Team Rocket openly admits to being evil, and Teams Aqua and Magma think their opposite is evil. Your logic, then, doesn't entirely work for the same reason why they never teamed up in canon: because Teams Aqua and Magma, who operate solely for their idea of good, wouldn't team up with something they believed is evil and against their cause. Basically speaking, it'd be a lot like terrorists working side-by-side with the exact people who embody everything they hate. Alliances just don't work that way. (High five, by the way, Xyrin.)

But if you're really that passionate about keeping the alliance, then by all means, go ahead and write it. There's not much else you'll probably get out of this thread if multiple people just keep on circling back to "I really don't think it will work" versus "but it's totally a good idea." :/

Also, superjesus, you wrote the story for someone instead of let them think about it and demanded our attention, so if you don't mind me being blunt, I'm honestly less inclined to give you feedback. I will say, though that you seem to be disregarding canon for rather superficial reasons (e.g. "Silver looks too evil to be a protagonist" and what amounts to "my moral > its execution"). I just want to say you can still write a good fic with a good. Point without violating canon. Special actually has a Giovanni like you described, for example. So, you just have to be creative with it.

However, when you start violating canon for "artistic reasons," you might as well write whatever you merry well please because it really doesn't matter anymore how you're delivering your point. You could say all those characters are ducks, and we'd have to buy it because something else has become more important than delivering the point by using recognizable characters and backgrounds (i.e. half the point of fanfiction).

Edit: I've decided to expand my response to you, superjesus.

Basically speaking, there's a number of issues I have with your plot idea, all of them would trigger my rant mode. First and foremost, of course, is the way you treat canon. You completely pitch any and all backstory that these characters have in favor of what's basically a bunch of trite love triangles all over the place, including apparently a "homage" to Star Wars. (Side note: Evil dad is a trope older than dirt. Oh, Greek mythology, for one example. But anyway.) Seriously, if you replaced all of those characters with original ones, you'd get pretty much the same story, and it'd make a lot more sense to a reader.

See, the tricky thing about fanfiction is that there's a reason why you need to color inside some of the lines. All of the characters (with the exception of Elm) are immensely popular, so a lot of readers, when they go into your fic, will do so with the expectation that they're about to read about the Giovanni they know, for example. When that Giovanni isn't delivered, you have a higher chance of disappointing them, confusing them (by making them think your story is riddled with plot holes), or by having them call you out on your characterization. (This goes especially for Special fans, given that the fact that he's Silver's father is actually a pretty big part of his characterization in that universe.) Asking us to swallow it because you're the author is rather unreasonable because, well, you're writing fanfiction. Why should we expect anything else but the characters we're familiar with? Not to mention it'd be rather insulting for someone to see you openly dump their favorite characters' backstories.

Beyond that, there's another problem with dumping backstory. By saying you're going to disregard something as basic as who's related to which character, you're also saying we can expect that we won't be looking at the same characters in terms of personality. This tends to show up most in the way you're describing Silver so far. You have him be sociable (until his mother died) and eager to please his father. ...Except this is pretty much the complete opposite of who Silver is in canon. The Silver most people know is (initially anyway) a cold jerkass who only wants power and has actually outright rejected his father for what he did. Of course, one could argue that in an AU, Silver might see his family in a different light if he wasn't the heir of Team Rocket, but the problem here lies in the fact that he's made someone else's son for no apparent reason. Literally, the only reason you give us for why you didn't just make Silver Giovanni's son is "he looks too evil." Unfortunately, this is a rather superficial reason for recasting Silver, and it actually ends up being contradictory to your message. After all, you're saying that Silver, because he merely looks like a bad guy, has to be a bad guy. There's no option for him to decide against his appearance and be a good guy instead.

Of course, then he's sort of cast aside as what feels like a minor plot point in comparison with the Giovanni-Gold plot. (Side note: If you have to reference pop culture when describing your plot idea, chances are, you'll probably want to think things through a little more. If the reference is meant to be taken seriously, then that could say to a reader that the idea itself isn't particularly creative, and in fact, besides the fact that Giovanni isn't actually being controlled by a higher power -- which was actually most of the point of Vader's character -- the Giovanni-Gold plot is essentially Star Wars with Pokémon. But that's neither here nor there.)

Beyond that, it feels like there's a lot going on in this plot that seems like it has no particular relevance to the overall idea. For example:

1. Blackthorn City. While there's the Dragon Den there... that's just it. It's a town full of dragons. Sure, Viridian City isn't exactly a place where one would immediately expect a brilliant crime lord to put his headquarters, but that's part of the beauty of Giovanni's canon headquarters in Viridian City. It's smack in the middle of a place that's not that difficult to get to, and no one knows it's there. Viridian also means Giovanni has easier access to everything he needs. The League headquarters, other parts of Kanto (including being a hop and a skip from the port of Vermilion City), and so forth. Blackthorn is isolated, yes, but... it's isolated. You can't easily get to other places in Johto from Blackthorn, which means it's more difficult to move troops and supplies from headquarters.

And I know this feels like I'm nitpicking, but really, it comes down to the fact that it feels like there's not much of a reason why canon's getting pitched in favor of your ideas. I mean, there's really no benefit to putting Giovanni in Blackthorn as opposed to Viridian, and changing canon at this point doesn't seem to add anything to the story. While some instances of bending canon can be swallowed by a reader (although it's still a case of Your Mileage May Vary), bending canon for reason that seems significant to a reader just feels unnecessary, and the more you do that, the less your readers will expect you to tell a story about Giovanni and the others instead of handpuppets with their names. Basically, even minor details like these circle back to what I said earlier about canon.

2. Karen. While I get the feeling her presence in the fic is meant to highlight the tense relationship between Silver, Gold, and Lyra, from what I'm getting of your plot sketch, she just ups and leaves, and no one bats an eyelash. Considering you're implying that Silver stopped talking to Lyra and Gold because of his mother's death, including this part about Karen seems rather trivial. I mean, if I'm reading this correctly, he's pretty much blaming Gold and Lyra's families on the death of his mother. (And if he isn't, then it's rather odd that he would suspect foul play but not follow up about it. Who did he suspect? Gold's father?) That seems like a deeper set anger than just some jealousy over who scored his childhood crush's attention.
2a. Actually, if anything, I really do think that the relationship between Gold, Silver, and Lyra should be built up more because it feels like this part isn't quite strong enough yet. We have two reasons why Silver has decided to break off contact with them. Only two. One would think that if he was really close friends with them, he would have a whole list of reasons that pushed him over the edge, rather than just less than a handful.
2b. I'm actually not particularly fond of how Karen got demoted from the highest-ranked Elite Four member to only a gym leader for most of the story and how even as an Elite Four member, she's outshined by someone who should be in the Battle Frontier but is inexplicably on the Elite Four instead. Moreover, she adores Dark-types in ways that define her personality. (i.e. She likes her Pokémon wild and tough, which implies that she herself isn't exactly Whitney's brand of "PINK AND FLORAL EVERYWHERE.")

3. No, seriously, how does Silver connect Gold and Lyra to his mother's death. Gold I can sort of buy because he's Giovanni's son, but it's still rather trite and overly closed-minded to have a character go, "YOU'RE THE SON OF A BAD GUY. THEREFORE, YOU'RE BAD TOO." After all, Gold used to be his close friend. Would Silver really decide to just believe that Gold is evil despite all the years of knowing the guy?
3a. Not to mention where does this plot even go? After that point, the plot sketch never mentions Silver again and passes that subplot off as "one of two problems Gold has to solve." 'Kay? I mean, one would think that a struggle against your former best friend would be sort of important to the point where there would be character growth all over the place. Not to mention it sort of implies that Silver gives up somewhere along the way, which doesn't entirely coincide with the whole "vowing for revenge on his mother's death" part.

4. ...And then Giovanni is suddenly an actual political official instead of just a crime lord, Gold sits down with his family, and no one speaks about the massive amounts of illegal activity again? Oh, I do hope there's actually a decent explanation for all of this within the story because that has the potential for being a massive bout of anticlimax. I mean, with Star Wars, you actually did have battles and explosions to fix everything. This sketch seems to imply that it's going to end abruptly with all of the loose ends solved via deus ex machina.

5. Gritty =/= having your characters be teenagers. I'm sorry, but yeah, a lot of people think dark fics need to age up and break the basics of canon, including making characters start off on journeys at much later ages. Let me tell you, though, that I know a lot of dumbass sixteen-year-olds whose main goal in life besides becoming a star on a reality TV show would probably be winning a Darwin Award, and I know quite a few sane and sensible thirteen-year-olds. Age has nothing to do with intelligence. In fact, if anything, one of the points of the Pokémon canon is that kids are capable of doing amazing things if they push themselves to their full potential. The problem with a lot of people who look down on ten-year-olds and think they can't handle taking care of themselves is that they seem to think that kids are too lazy to think. While it's true that there's a lot of kids who are too lazy to think, you'll find people like that in every age bracket, just as you'll find people who are ready to shoulder responsibility and think things through logically.

Moreover, if you really wanted gritty realism, you probably wouldn't be starring kids who graduated high school early anyway. I mean, if you're writing a story that hinges on political intrigue and friends-turned-enraged-sociopaths, you'd probably be better off looking at the twenty-to-thirty-year-old bracket -- you know, the folks who are actually more likely to get the inner workings of politics while still being liable for snapping on everyone around them, if that even makes sense.

I guess the short of it is I really do find myself turned off by two things. The first thing is it feels like a lot of these canon changes are done for no apparent reason. You were going for some kind of artistic vision, but really, you're better off just saying this is a completely new region with completely new characters. There's absolutely no reason why Palmer can't be a Frontier Brain in Sinnoh, why Giovanni should relocate to Blackthorn instead of Viridian, and why Karen should only be second-fiddle to Palmer. (Oh, the inner feminist in me is going :|.) Yet, here were are, which might not make a lot of people who actually like these characters a lot particularly happy.

The second thing is the fact that it feels like you have a major idea, but all of the subplots you have to make it potentially interesting fizzle out before they become something significant. While I don't expect you to give me full-blown spoilers or a blow-by-blow recount in a plot sketch, considering you summarize the entire story, it seems rather odd that there's no mention of any significant conflict towards the end that actually gives this fic a feeling of completion, rather than the cut-to-sudden-black kind of ending a la The Sopranos. Besides that, it feels like a lot of the subplots that should really be part of the main plot (like the Silver-Gold conflict) are downplayed in favor of a plot that itself doesn't seem to have resolution.

In short, light-vs-dark is a concept that's not unknown to media, as you've pointed out thanks to waving us towards Star Wars. However, I do have to say that this fic could work (because the fact that you want to work with multiple plot lines is a plus, not to mention the fact that who doesn't love the message of "choose your own destiny"), but the problem is that you'll be encountering a lot of issues in execution. It just feels like more thought was put into the message than there was in how you're proposing to convey it.
 
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14
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  • Seen May 9, 2012
Valentine, thanks for the input. Seriously. Sorry for demanding attention. It just kinda felt like my hard work was just passed over. I may have been selfish, but I was still giving ideas for topgun's story, which is exactly what I would like for my own. I am new to this community, so I may have missed the taboo on providing another writer with my own ideas. I sincerely apologize for that.

I had absolutely no idea that the cannon meant that much to readers, that's why I simply used known names for the characters I wrote. Like I said, the idea was to get a story going that could eventually become a hack, and I decided to basically start from scratch. I guess I missed the entire point of fanfiction there. My original idea was a hack of heartgold, so I wanted to use existing character models, just spice them up a bit. I am a huge fan of pokemon special, and loved the portrayal of Giovanni. Truly ruthless. I like the idea of using different names, as the current ones were just templates. Thanks for that.

Your rant mode is exactly what I wanted, and has given me much to think about. The love triangles were really added as a last minute pitch to give the characters more depth, but simply stating their existence was practically useless. I plan to expand on that in the dialogue, along with more stuff from star wars and godfather. Giovanni is basically a super crime lord who wants to pass on his empire, but is not satisfied with working behind the scenes, and wants to rule all. ("Join me, and we can rule the galaxy/country/mob-empire as father and son...")

1. Giovanni is unlike good old Darth Vader because he is no one's lackey. He is the top dog regardless of canon. This fundamental difference makes him in fact more evil than Darth Vader, who is only following orders. I chose blackthorn city because of the name and because it is so isolated. He can easily fly to any location on the map, and does most of his business at his real headquarters in the sylph building. Rather than hiding in plain sight like the original Giovanni, my Giovanni almost owns all of kanto, and is really famous. Blackthorn is his training area and part time job as mayor of a small city. As part of the story, Giovanni would be beaten by his son, then eventually capture darkrai and become the league champion (president). It seems fitting that he appear as a boss at the middle and end of the story.

2. As for Karen, she's basically a daddy's girl with lots of power and devotion. I tried to stay away from depicting her like Whitney, who I honestly hate so much that I didn't even include her in the story. Unlike Whitney, Karen would be tough and commanding, but still have a soft spot for her family. Since Giovanni would be the dark type leader, Karen would take the type closest to dark: ghost. Giovanni is unsatisfied with her taking over for him because they are not blood related, and settles on Gold. She's outshined because other people are better, especially palmer, who represents light and is the electric type elite four member. During the hack, I was planning to have Karen be a part of the goldenrod radio tower takeover, since she is the corrupted gym leader of that city. She also serves as hesitation for silver, who just can't see her as evil, but readily turns on Gold and Lyra. This part definitely needs to be expanded upon.

3. As in the games, Silver is a constant menace who eventually turns over a new leaf by the end and forgives Gold for ever suspecting him. He even shows up some days at the pokemon league to offer more training for Gold. The reason he became vengeful was because of an extreme trauma, so accusing everyone he knows is quite normal. The bulk of his hate is centered on Giovanni, but since he is unreachable, is redirected instead at the next best thing: Gold. Maybe I'll rewrite it so Silver's mom dies in a car bombing while waving bye to her son. I agree that suspecting Lyra makes no sense. She should be a neutral player.

4. I wanted to make the gym leader position more important, so I decided that gym leaders would also be politicians involved in the running of the region (mayors/senators). This gives Giovanni and his lieutenants a means to gain power. the climax of the story would be the championship battle the second time around, in which Gold stops his father from doing anything extreme, but is unable to kick him out of the oval office. The illegal activity is never spoken of because no one is strong enough to argue with the president, but the characters still sit down together for dinner because they are a family and blood is thicker than water.

5. Good point. I guess the characters could be any age, and it wouldn't really matter. However, I never intended age to factor into grittiness. The crime infested world is gritty, not the characters. The teenage years seemed appropriate because some people never truly grow out of this stage in their lives. But I refuse to make the characters younger. A ten year old traveling alone fighting ferocious monsters works fine in the anime and manga, but my story requires a less naïve mindset. If anything, they should probably be older. Early twenties will do fine. Thanks for the suggestion.

The reason I posted this story is because I know it is incomplete, and at times, ridiculous. If you would like, I could expand more on any topic at your request. If you would like to help me in creating a hack, that would be awesome.
If you have any stories that need a fresh perspective, I'm your man.

once again, thank you for your advice.
 
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Needs help or advice on this one.

Basically, I'm writing a POV story based a little on Dialga and Palkia's fight and their worlds colliding with one another. However, the difference is that at the end, they become a couple. The thing is that I was going to have them fight fiercely. The way canon did it maybe even in some violent detail. But how can I bring in that moment where one of them says... 'hey, we shouldn't do this'

Like in the canon, I was going to have Palkia transfer a town to another dimension to hide herself from Dialga. When they fight, I was going to also have someone convince them to stop fighting. a Pokemon most likely.

Or I was going to do a backstory on that Dialga and Palkia have met long ago when they had two separate trainers caring for them. Yeah I'm stuck on this plot thing :p
 

Xyrin

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Uhh. So they try to kill each other in a fight to the death... And then somebody tells them to stop and they fall in love? Sorry but this isn't making much sense to me. Have you ever had two people trying to kill each other and then they get together at the end? I don't see that happening and it seems like it'd be extremely hard to get to work. : /
 

Impo

Playhouse Pokemon
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I'm afraid the theory of people fighting to the death then becoming a couple sounds a little unrealistic in my eyes. Not unless something really drastic happens, but one of them just telling the other "This isn't good," wouldn't do much. For some reason I have a vivid image of a Diagla telling Palkia to stop and then Palkia biting its head off.

But this trainer thing and backstory could be used creatively. I'm afraid I can't give much help, but the idea has me intrigued
 
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Yeah I was thinking about doing a backstory on which the trainers were friends. And one had Dialga the other had Palkia and they meet blah blah blah. Dialga feels something for her blah blah.

Something like that. It makes more sense that way.
 

Xyrin

WOW REMEMBER THIS??
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Yeah I was thinking about doing a backstory on which the trainers were friends. And one had Dialga the other had Palkia and they meet blah blah blah. Dialga feels something for her blah blah.

Something like that. It makes more sense that way.

So how did they get into a huge fight..?
 

Tomandgreen

The Original Copy-Cat
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Gothitelle, here's what you can do:

Trainer Male and Trainer Female own Dialga and Palkia respectively.
Trainer Male likes Trainer Female, and vice-versa.
They are about to kiss, when a rift in Time sucks Male Trainer in.
A rift in space sucks Female Trainer in too at the same time.
The pokemon blame each other and get into a big fight.
Dialga and Palkia learn it was Gigrantina/Arceus's fault, and make up.
After combining their powers to beat Gigrantina/Arceus, the make-out.

THE END

Here's my idea for a fan-fic:

A group of short stories describing the origins of several things in the pokemon world such as professor Oak, Castform, and Team Rocket. They are all interconnected in some way, but you could only tell if you read all the stories at once. It's based in Video-Game Cannon. The only story I have made progress in is the castforme origin, and it explains why and how the artificial pokemon was created, and why the **** they'd give it away to a trainer.
 

Skiatra

Noobin', LIKE A BOSS
14
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Up-coming fan-fic

I know i haven't been here long,but I can't resist my first major pokémon fic. So, I'm show you an outline of the plot

James Cole was a pokémon trainer that had sailed all around the world in search of the the most powerful pokémon. After building his team he decided to work for professor Krantie. The professor was researching pokémon diseases and new gear for trainers. James, in his spare time, fought in arena battles, becoming stronger. He eventually was partnered with a girl named Ashley, a trainer who had once been a part of Unova's elite four.James grew a liking to Ashley,so did she to him. Soon Prof. Krantie had no need for James or Ashley,as he collected all the data he needed. Krantie asked then Ashley and James to,for their last mission, to investigate an island, far off the Hoenn region. The island was supposed to be the resting place of an ancient pokémon that wasn't even marked in any pokédex. Legend says that this is the darker twin of Arceus, the dark pokémon tried to destroy the universe Arceus created. Arceus sealed him in a tomb. James and Ashley go on a ship on a stormy night at sea to investigate...though...things are not as they seem...

Please tell me what you think
 

bobandbill

one more time
16,891
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16
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If you want feedback for your plot it goes in the Plot Bunny thread sticky. I'll just merge this there for you then.

As I've only a short time I'll say it's interesting but I am a bit sceptical of the 'darker Arceus' thing, and I also wonder where this is set - I'm currently presume a region you made up yourself (what with the different Professor there) in which case I wonder about the use of Arceus which is rather tied to Sinnoh - you could make it work but it'd need some consideration of that fact, I feel.
 

Tomandgreen

The Original Copy-Cat
140
Posts
12
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Gothitelle, here's what you can do:
Here's my idea for a fan-fic:

A group of short stories describing the origins of several things in the pokemon world such as professor Oak, Castform, and Team Rocket. They are all interconnected in some way, but you could only tell if you read all the stories at once. It's based in Video-Game Cannon. The only story I have made progress in is the castforme origin, and it explains why and how the artificial pokemon was created, and why the **** they'd give it away to a trainer.

Well? Anybody? PS: I made it anyways, check sig.
 
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I know i haven't been here long,but I can't resist my first major pokémon fic. So, I'm show you an outline of the plot

James Cole was a pokémon trainer that had sailed all around the world in search of the the most powerful pokémon. After building his team he decided to work for professor Krantie. The professor was researching pokémon diseases and new gear for trainers. James, in his spare time, fought in arena battles, becoming stronger. He eventually was partnered with a girl named Ashley, a trainer who had once been a part of Unova's elite four.James grew a liking to Ashley,so did she to him. Soon Prof. Krantie had no need for James or Ashley,as he collected all the data he needed. Krantie asked then Ashley and James to,for their last mission, to investigate an island, far off the Hoenn region. The island was supposed to be the resting place of an ancient pokémon that wasn't even marked in any pokédex. Legend says that this is the darker twin of Arceus, the dark pokémon tried to destroy the universe Arceus created. Arceus sealed him in a tomb. James and Ashley go on a ship on a stormy night at sea to investigate...though...things are not as they seem...

Please tell me what you think
Agreeing with bobandbill that this does sound interesting. I'm also wondering about "dark" Arceus. I'm guessing it's like the devil to Arceus's god, and you're going for an opposite theme with that. Interesting, but it does need some work added to it to make it work. And if you are going for a separate region far off from Hoenn, I'm wondering why you're using Arceus, seeing as how Arceus is attached to Sinnoh's myths and Hoenn has a completely different idea of how the world was made.

Well? Anybody? PS: I made it anyways, check sig.
You didn't give us much of a plot to comment on. If you wanted responses, you should have included more details in your post about what each story is about and how they're interconnected. Otherwise, we have nothing to comment on.

Besides, you went ahead with the stories anyhow, so...
 
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