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FFotM (March 06) The Ties that Bind (One-Shot)

Saffire Persian

Feline of Light and Shadow
140
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 36
  • Utah
  • Seen Nov 7, 2011
Makes me think of the name of some kind of breakfast cereal or something. "Start your day with Sun Particles Cereal! Straight from the star that knows mornings best!"

They seriously need to make a cereal with that tag line. XD....

Meh, I guess I really didn't go in depth on the biology of stuff, but that was interesting to know, anyway. It's been a couple years since I took biology. o.o I remember doing the Photosynthesis cycle, yet I don't remember anything specific about it.
 

Bay

6,382
Posts
17
Years
Hey Saffire Persian! I read this before in SPPF and now I just read it again. I say after reading this the second time, I am still amazed of this great work. I really love your style in this story. Now, since you had been so supportive on my story, I shall do the favor in reviewing your fic here. (I decided to review "The Ties that Bind" here because I felt like reviewing a few stories here in PC).

The Champion, out of courtesy, is going first, though it doesn't really matter who goes first now. The red and white ball flies through the air, erupting in a flash of white light. Out of the light, a giant verdant creature appears, a giant flower spread across her back, while a long, steady grin emerges on her long face as she stamps the ground in challenge. You smile and fancy you can feel it tremble.

I think the sentence structure in this one should be "…a giant verdant creature appears, with its giant spread across her back…" Yeah, learned that the hard way from Timid Kyogre in SPPF!



Who does she think she is?

She says she understands, but you know she doesn't. She knows medical terminology and stuff, but she doesn't know your Pokémon like you do.

How would she know that your Charizard hates to be alone with people he doesn't know?

(She doesn't.)

How would she know that he hates needles?

(She wouldn't.)

If he wakes up, will she know how to handle him? Can she comfort him like you do when he's frightened or sad?

(She can't.)

I actually liked the way you put parentheses in some of the words in this part. Gives an emphasis on how *I* felt about Charizard in the hands of Nurse Joy. This reminds me of "Da Vinci Code" as the writer italized some of the words to show an effect of how a character thinks

Why must they ask such questions? Don't they see you are in no mood to talk? Don't they see that you are gently shaking? Your pale, tear-stained face?

How do you feel about being the next Champion? they ask. How do you feel the battle with the former Champion went? Are you pleased? Surprised? Disappointed? What did you have to do to get this far?

Not: Are you all right? What happened to your Charizard? Is there anything we can do?

How would you be feeling if you didn't know whether your Pokémon was okay or not? you want to shout out in retaliation, but you don't. You still do not trust yourself to speak, afraid that if you do, your voice will break, and maybe if you don't speak, these people will go away.

Yep, those paparazzi people don't know how *I* felt. Wish they could have been more nicer. It seems they did not even know that *my* Charizard's recent injury even existed.


"Listen –" you finally say, your voice wavering, but you are cut off as the endless tirade of questions bombards you.

(Can't they just go away?)

The Blissey is now walking purposely forward, waving her arms back and forth. You stand up just as the Blissey enters the crowd, pushing through the people with her oval-shaped body, her gaze that of righteous fury…[/QUOTE]

Hehehe, a Blissey will make a great paparazzi destroyer!

You also don't know that eight trainers now sport black eyes because they asked one too many questions.)

Think it's supposed to be "…have sport black eyes…"

When you wake up again, it is far into the evening.

Exactly forty-five minutes later you find out your Charizard is dead.

It takes you three days to accept it.

(Sniffs) I can't believed that *my* Charizard is gone.

Only when you have no more tears to shed and a no longer have a voice to scream do they tell you how he died.

Supposed to be "…no more tears to shed and no longer have a voice to scream…".

Fuchsia City: If you remember correctly, it was he who ticked off the Scyther in the Safari Zone. Not you.

Hehehe…beware of the Scythers!

(Time will freeze, Eternity will wait, and Death will stop its inevitable course for these few precious moments. For they are yours, and forever will be. )

You slowly lift up the ash filled bag, and you hesitate for only a moment more –

(It's hard letting go. You never really got to say good-bye)

— before you scatter the remaining contents to the wind.

****
~They say that Time will eventually heal all wounds; but people tend to forget the deep, everlasting scars it leaves~

****
What an ending. I believed that is a great resting place for *my* Charizard. May he rest in peace.

Well, hope for you the best on Metamorphosis! I will try to review more stories here in PC. Sorry this review took a long time. (I told you back in SPPF how I read this and loved it).
 

Scarlet Weather

The Game is Afoot!
1,823
Posts
17
Years
You... you evil, evil person.

Dang you.

You just made me friggin' relive the day my dog died. (Do I even need to tell you I was nearly in tears?)

Seriously though, the story was good. It made me feel depressed, and happy, and confused all at the same time. (Is there an emotion for this?) What interested me most was the ending to be precise the visit the places with special meaning for you and your Charizard. Your story makes me feel so depressed that I walk around with a cloud over my head for a few days... and I keep coming back to read it anyway, because the prose is so good.

So yeah, curse you for being such a danged excellent author.
 

FullmetalxFangirl

...ily...
266
Posts
17
Years
That was stunning, I have to say! Absolutely heartwrenching for me (as I have recently experienced death within my family), but I loved it. The description of emotions and thoughts running through the trainers head are incredibly accurate; if it's not too much of a personal question, has somone close to you died before? I can totally relate to this story, in any case; I actually did cry. xDD;;

I am also not much of a fan of second-person fics, but this was an excellent read. Congrats on fic of the month~ ^^
 

Saffire Persian

Feline of Light and Shadow
140
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 36
  • Utah
  • Seen Nov 7, 2011
Art Critic Cubone:
You... you evil, evil person.

You just made me friggin' relive the day my dog died. (Do I even need to tell you I was nearly in tears?)

I'm sorry. XD.. I know how you feel, since I had a cat that passed away not too long ago.

Seriously though, the story was good. It made me feel depressed, and happy, and confused all at the same time. (Is there an emotion for this?) What interested me most was the ending to be precise the visit the places with special meaning for you and your Charizard. Your story makes me feel so depressed that I walk around with a cloud over my head for a few days... and I keep coming back to read it anyway, because the prose is so good.

Wasn't my intention to make everyone depressed... XD.. but I'm glad it mad such an... impact. Thanks for your review!

FullmetalxFangirl:

if it's not too much of a personal question, has somone close to you died before?

Naa, not too much of a personal question. But yes, someone close to me has died before. Not something you can help at all.
 
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26
Posts
16
Years
  • Seen Jun 7, 2014
There are a few things in the world that i am prepared to call a true work of art, writting is something i have a passion for and there is only one writter in the world who has ever made me cry (JK Rowling), but i must say that this fan fiction has brought me closer to tears than hundreds of other professionally written books, thank you for a wonderful peice of art and best of luck for the future.
 
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D3L3T3D

ELITE Ryan
21
Posts
19
Years
It's heavily reminiscent of the gory battles experienced on the Plateau in the Pokémon Adventures comic. I like it--it shows a side of the universe so rarely displayed.

I realize I may be reviving a topic by posting here,b ut this is just too good to let it go without commendation. Very well-written.
 

Gummy

by fire be P U R G E D
4,519
Posts
17
Years
I read this a while ago but it seems I've never posted here. The is no doubt the best one-shot that I have ever read, and probabaly will always be. You know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. This should be moved and stickied to the Lounge as an example of true greatness. Not to mention reading this fic along with another well written one is what got me into writing in the first place. Thank you for allowing me to read such a masterpiece.
 

Saffire Persian

Feline of Light and Shadow
140
Posts
18
Years
  • Age 36
  • Utah
  • Seen Nov 7, 2011
Lord Edge:
There are a few things in the world that i am prepared to call a true work of art, writting is something i have a passion for and there is only one writter in the world who has ever made me cry (JK Rowling), but i must say that this fan fiction has brought me closer to tears than hundreds of other professionally written books, thank you for a wonderful peice of art and best of luck for the future.

Thanks. I need all the luck I can get. I'm just glad I still enjoy writing. Thanks for the compliment!

D3L3T3D
It's heavily reminiscent of the gory battles experienced on the Plateau in the Pokémon Adventures comic. I like it--it shows a side of the universe so rarely displayed.

I realize I may be reviving a topic by posting here,b ut this is just too good to let it go without commendation. Very well-written.

The battles are actually gory in the Pokémon Adventures manga? That almost makes me want to find some scanlations for them, as I like realistic pokémon fanfiction. And I actually thing reviving threads in the pokémon archive is okay... so far as I know anyway. In any case, I don't mind. XD

Thanks for the review!

Gummy:
I read this a while ago but it seems I've never posted here. The is no doubt the best one-shot that I have ever read, and probabaly will always be. You know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it. This should be moved and stickied to the Lounge as an example of true greatness. Not to mention reading this fic along with another well written one is what got me into writing in the first place. Thank you for allowing me to read such a masterpiece.

Thanks for the compliments, though I dunno about it being so great as to have it moved and stickied to the Lounge. xD I'm glad you're into writing, too! It's nice to see people enjoy writing and reading fanfiction, and I wish you luck with your own. ^^
 

Twilight Wolf

The Alpha Female
150
Posts
15
Years
This one-shot was beautiful. The Charizard dying is what really left a deep gash inside of me. A horrible way to die, indeed. I love Charizard, and that made me well up inside. Congrats, and I am actually glad you wrote this story. I love it. *goes and hugs my level 100 Charizard (Pokemon Diamond game) tightly*
 

kissing. raindrops

just jump, you might fly <3
1,474
Posts
15
Years
Wow.. I just read this, it took my breath away. Charmander is my favorite Pokemon, that'd be so sad if it actually happened to me D=
But awesome job, Saffire Persian, thanks for the emotional read, it brought tears to me eyes.
 

Clevink

Don't mess with Espeon...
101
Posts
15
Years
  • Age 30
  • Seen Jul 27, 2014
I realize how late I am in saying this, but *tear* easily one of the best fan fic's I've ever read. Geez, I can't even put into words how amazingly awesome this is!
 

aceupthesleeve

[Insert cool user title here]
22
Posts
15
Years
  • Seen Jul 21, 2009
That was absolutely beautiful; and about Charizard, no less.

I tend to steer clear from anything written in 'you' form, bit it all just seemed so fitting. It wouldn't have been complete written any other way, I don't think. It just added that something extra; making it all the more original.

The description you used set the scene, and the mood you'd set from beginning till end.

I loved it.
 

Raibutai

Pixels and Pikachus. Bliss.
280
Posts
15
Years
Wow. Just wow. This is probably better than countless professionally written books I've read. Charizard is one of those Pokemon I actually dislike... and now, I'm just feeling kind of... depressed.

It's surprising - I've read sad stories before, but none have actually made me feel like this.

This is truly a masterpiece. I wouldn't be surprised if you rose to be one the greatest writers ever.
 

Feathing

Water Gym Master
252
Posts
16
Years
I almost cried like a baby :(
It's such so sad, but so beautiful too!
It's just like you actually trained a real Pokemon and he died..
I wish I could write like you did here, and I wish I could read more from you ;)

Such a great story. Congratulations!!
 

yuki3056

Grass Types own
239
Posts
15
Years
Wow....I was going to tell you how much I liked this fic and why...but just wow...I can not put into words how the raw emotions and the very stylish writing made me fell...I felt as if I was watching him the entire time....Just wow that is all I can say, the rest can not be put into words...
 
17
Posts
14
Years
  • Seen Jun 13, 2009
That was one of the most touching pokemon fanfics I've ever read! Though I can't believe Charizard actually died...

Now on to more specific comments:

Really like the emotional descriptions:

General Descriptions I enjoyed:

"evanescent white"

"bolting up into the blue noonday sky"

"Nothing is held back. The flame washes over skin and plant like a giant tide, "

(Great battle scenes btw)

"his eyes glimmering like ice while his tone is just as cold.

"Hold him down. Use Solar Beam. Don't hold back."
"


"Vines loosen. " It's good to have short sentences like these to make a dramatic impact.

"Your heart shoots up in your chest, and you think for a moment it just might leap out as the euphoria swells deep within you. " You can really imagine her/his joy here.


Great suspense:
"You notice his tail flame is low – dangerously low...."

then "It is then you first know something is wrong."


"Nurse Joy stops you, placing a cold, pale hand on your shoulder. It's meant to be comforting, but it isn't. "

" she says in a fake, cheery voice that sounds robotic:"


"Of all the emotions rising within you, anger and frustration erupt to the top." Lovely and moving.

"The front doors whiz open, and the silence is shattered."


"Flashes. Bright, inconsiderate flashes of light illuminate your face.........You are barraged with questions from a thousand different voices, all clamoring to get the first word out of you, but you aren't going to give it to them. " (Nice how you describe the senses of the trainer to make the moment more vivid)



The aura is a lot calmer near the end, but loses none of its depth of emotion:

"You walk slowly, inhaling in the clean air, tinged with the fresh smell of the berry trees that your parents grow here."

" once a living, breathing creature who, once upon a time, flew unchallenged across the heavenly sky." (No direct emotion 'telling', but the image still exudes a bittersweet poignancy.)

Well done!
 
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