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  #1    
Old January 26th, 2008 (5:51 PM).
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kidpunk kidpunk is offline
 
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The Meaning Of Life?

Is there a meaning for life?
is there a time to be sad
a time to be glad
a time to be mad?
Does every human have their sense of belongingness?
Do we all wish to die
wish to live
wish to suffer
wish to have wealth?
Do we need to have everything we own
or should we be nice and share?

I once asked a man about this
and he said;
Life is for those who only trust it
in themselves and others.
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  #2    
Old January 31st, 2008 (8:50 PM).
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It's a good poem. It's certainly profound. Just reading it makes me want to stare out into space and think about it all. Heh, I do that enought already. xD
Anyways I hope you find that the Muses continue to sing within you.

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  #3    
Old February 4th, 2008 (2:31 PM).
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thanks for your comment. Tis means a lot to me =]
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Old February 4th, 2008 (2:37 PM).
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Wow. That is a really good poem. Even though it's short, it looks like you put a lot of effort into it because the words mean a lot! Good job. Looks like you're a natural xD.
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  #5    
Old February 4th, 2008 (4:33 PM). Edited February 4th, 2008 by flight.
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While although I agree that your poem did include at least some effort and good diction, if you really want to catch the attention of more people, I suggest it having more rhythm of some sort. The rhyming scheme, to me, is most important, because whilst the reader is reading the poem, they perhaps may actually be thinking about the content(people need some rhythm in their lives, y'know?)

There is a bit of a rhyme in stanza 1, lines, 2, 3 and 4, but after all that, I pretty much lost the rhythm that is used to make me think in the poem.

Excellent job with the effort, but it seems there's more to be applied. If you're going to create a poem for people to review, you're limited by your own creativity(and Poetry rules). Remember to be as creative as possible, and include rhythm every now and then, ok? ^^

Overall, I think it was decent. I believe the length could improve, too. While I don't believe in gigantic poems, I think it'll just make things more sensible, y'know?


While all poems do not need rhythm, I feel this one is at least missing something, D:

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  #6    
Old February 4th, 2008 (4:55 PM). Edited February 4th, 2008 by Klippy.
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Well, it's a good effort.

Some tips though.
One. You need to separate the first stanza into two parts:

Quote:
Is there a meaning to life?
Is there a time to be sad?
A time to be glad?
A time to be mad?
Does every human have their sense of belongingness?

Do we all wish to die,
Wish to live,
Wish to suffer,
Wish to have wealth?
Do we need to have everything we own,
or should we be nice and share?
I took out "for" and put "to". "For" isn't the proper word there. Also, capitalization helps.

Next, you could put a bit more effort into finding some rhythm. Yours has some, but when posting a rhyming poem, you should rhythm throughout the stanzas, not rhythm in the beginning, then say other things. It doesn't flow as well. (Though there are poems that do not rhythm, their themes are common throughout and it flows well. If you're going to do this, then work on keeping the flow going.)
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  #7    
Old February 4th, 2008 (5:07 PM).
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yes, i know i repeated a few types of rythmes as i went on. It weird because i thought i put a lot into this poem. I am an expert, i've written poetry forv the past 8 years.

Its weird, i don't put much rhyme into my poems. The next time i'm going to write a poem, its going to be an otimotopeia form (lemme hope i spelled that right xD).

Thats everyone. Your comments will help me go forward to write better poems. Of course, more critisism is excepted =]
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  #8    
Old February 8th, 2008 (1:06 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Winner~ View Post
The Meaning Of Life?

Is there a meaning for life?
is there a time to be sad
a time to be glad
a time to be mad?
Does every human have their sense of belongingness?
Do we all wish to die
wish to live
wish to suffer
wish to have wealth?
Do we need to have everything we own
or should we be nice and share?

I once asked a man about this
and he said;
Life is for those who only trust it
in themselves and others.
Wow. That's deep. It is.
Though you might want to work on the rhythm.
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