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  #1    
Old May 4th, 2008 (10:17 AM). Edited May 4th, 2008 by Mistress Darkrai.
Mistress Darkrai
Capturing Darkrai
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Welcome to Malyssa's Dream • The Grande Festival Edition. Hopefully you enjoy the first of many fanfic's I will write. So, here we go!

Chapter One;

Malyssa looked at herself in the mirror, and she couldn't believe it. Malyssa actually looked, well, gorgeous, beautiful. Her brunette hair was in a ponytail, but it was still down to the top of her back! Her eyes were a peach color - her parents said it had something to do with genetics or heredity or something like that. Her eyes were pretty cool. She was wearing a pair of plaid blue shorts, with a yellow and pink, orange, silver, light blue, and green polka dot spaghetti strapped tank top. Over her tank top, she wore a 3/4 pink shirt that was unbuttoned down to the lower section of her chest. She looked wicked pretty. Her finger nails were painted light blue. Her toes were painted a glimmering silver. She looked at herself even more, and saw that she was tan, had long, slender legs, and wiry hands. She looked hot.

Wow, Malyssa thought. Wait until Ryan see's me in this!!

Quickly, she dashed out of her room, down the stairs, and into the bathroom. First, she went to the bathroom. Second, she put her favorite make up on. She wore eye shadow, mascara, blush, and some lipstick. The eye shadow was usually a bright color, to bring out her eyes. The mascara was to make her eyelashed POP right out. The blush was usually made to make her complextion even, and the lipstick to make her lips POP too. Another good thing about her was that she had not pimples anywhere! Not on her face, nose, ears, legs, arms, nowhere! You could look at her bare body and you would see that she had no pimples anywhere. No lie! She then brushed her teeth to the sparkly white (even though her teeth were always white) and dashed to the kitchen. She looked out the window, and saw that Ryan made it right on time.

He jumped off his two-seated bike (he purposely brought it for him and Malyssa) and started to walk towards the door. He looked around. Nice place. Malyssa's heart was pounding ten times faster then usual.

He pounded on the door, and then opened it. He always did that. Ryan stared at Malyssa, his eyes darting everywhere on her body. "Wow," was all he could muster.

"Wow, what?"

"You look... Amazing." He replied sheepishly.

Malyssa blushed. "Oh," she said. "Thanks. You too."

Together they stood there in an awkward silence. Out of nowhere (and I seriously mean out of NOWHERE!) Malyssa's mom came out and screeched, "Ryan!" Malyssa and Ryan flinched at the same time.

They both knew that Malyssa's mother could be loud - and this was one of those moments. "Hi, Mrs.." Ryan started to say. "Ryan Thomas! Haven't I told you to call me Karol?" Ryan nodded, embarassed.

"Good. You made it right on time, Ryan! Now that's the type of man my Malyssa needs, right hon?" Malyssa's mom asked her. Her eyes were twinkling - and that meant only one thing.

"Of course, Mom. I so want to date Ryan. After all, he is the hottest kid around," I replied with a sly grin. "You know what I mean?" Quickly, I grabbed Ryans' arm and hung onto it, as if I was dating him.

My mother's eyes stared at me, but her smile stayed the same. "Of course I understand," was all she said.

Ryans' face was as red as Santa Claus' coat and cheeks, and he was grinning out of control.

"Alright, off with ya," Malyssa's mom started. "Oh, wait, Malyssa! Once you go and see Professor Rowan to get your Pokemon, I presume you won't be coming back?" Malyssa nodded. Her mom smiled knowingly. "Alright. Here are a few necessities."

Malyssa's mom handed Malyssa a bag. The bag was heavy. "Everything you might need is in there!" Malyssa smiled brightly. "Thanks, Mom!" Her mother smiled back.

"Okay, be gone!"

Malyssa and Ryan quickly walked to the two-seater. Before they started to pedal off, Malyssa received one last look at her house. She never really noticed it, but the paint had faded since she moved here a few years ago. The window shutters were still the same shade of brown. She then wandered to the thought that her mother may not keep her room. She shuddered. Her mother had always been like that.

Getting her mind out of such atrocious thoughts, she started to pedal harder, giving the bike a faster speed. Ryan looked back at her, and smiled a really cute smile. Malyssa almost fainted. She then smiled back. Ryan then looked back to the road, and started to pedal just as fast as Malyssa. There was an awkward silence.

They both knew what the other was thinking: What now?

So, instead of discussing anything, they started to make progress to Professor Rowan's labratory, thinking that the other one might like him/her.
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  #2    
Old May 6th, 2008 (04:28 PM). Edited May 7th, 2008 by Mistress Darkrai.
Mistress Darkrai
Capturing Darkrai
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In NY..
Age: 19
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Nature: Lax
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Alright, no reviews, but it's ALL good. I just love writing - so let's keep this going!

Chapter Two;

Malyssa and Ryan finally made it to Professor Rowan's labratory. They were out of breath, though. Quickly regaining their breath, they hustled to the labratory entrance and knocked. Professor Rowan opened the door and said, "Aaah. Malyssa. Ryan. Just on time. Some of the other new trainers are here as well. Hurry, now, hurry!" To Malyssa, Professor Rowan's deep voice was very reassuring.

Hesitantly, Malyssa and Ryan entered the room, looking around. Malyssa then saw one of her old crushes, who was her ex-boyfriend. That was only puppy love, she thought to herself. I should have realized he was going to be a-

"Alright, everyone! Now that Malyssa and Ryan have finally arrived, we will begin the process of obtaining your very first Pokemon!" Professor Rowan exclaimed over the chatter. Soon, the chatter seized.

"Okay," Professor Rowan said. "First, we'll have Jacqueline Ahorn come up. We have, let's see, six trainers here. We have six Pokemon! Excellent! We have Turtwig, Chimchar, Piplup, Gible, Budew, and Shinx. Now, Jacqueline, chose your very first partner!"

Jacqueline was puzzled. "They're all so cute!"

"Hmm," Professor Rowan thought out loud. "Well, maybe telling you a little something about them will help. Turtwig is a boy, a grass-type and is very easy to raise. He is strong against water, but weak against fire. Chimchar is a boy, a fire-type, too, and is a little stubborn. He is strong against fire, but weak against water. Piplup is a girl, a water-type, and easily becomes attached to her trainer. She is strong against fire, but weak against grass. Gible is a girl, is a mix of ground- and dragon-type, and is a little to raise. She is strong against fire, electric, poison, rock, and dragon. Budew is a boy, is a mix of grass- and poison-type, and is very easy to love. He is strong against water, ground, rock, and grass. And finally Shinx. Shinx is a girl, an electric-type. She is strong against water, and flying. She is weak against ground. Did that help?"

Jacqueline nodded fiercely, and then said, "I would like Shinx as my partner!"

"Very well," Professor Rowan replied. "Good choice. Here you are. Shinx, five Pokeballs, and a Pokedex!"

He handed her a white tray with a Pokeball in the top-left hand corner, a pink Pokedex next to it on the right, and below the two items were five Pokeballs. Obviously, the Pokeball in the top-left hand corner was Shinx.

She squealed. "Thank you SO much, Profes!" She quickly then left the labratory.

He nodded, but his face was readable. He didn't like being called 'Profes', Malyssa guessed.

"Alright, up next is Malyssa Caskin! Come up and chose your very first partner!" Malyssa squealed.

Malyssa anxiously walked up to him and said confidently, "I want Gible, sir!"

Professor Rowan rolled his eyes - he knew she was going to say that.

He remembered once when she was a little bit younger, maybe when she was nine or so, she had told him: "When I grow older, I want a Gible to be my very first Pokemon! His final evolutation is a Garchomp! Those are really cool!" She was so enthusiastic back then, but you could compare the two Malyssa's equally. (OOC: evoluatation is spelled like that because she was nine and didn't know how to pronouce it correctly! )

Professor Rowan handed her the exact same tray that he handed Jacqueline. Except, obviously, the Pokeball in the top-left hand corner was a Gible, not a Shinx. Ryan looked at her and mouthed, "Stay?" She nodded. He smiled.

"Alright. Now we'll have Jack McCennik go next!"

He walked up to Professor Rowan, and (weirdly) awknowledged Professor Rowan by nodding his head. Then, confidently like Malyssa, "I would like Chimchar, sir. He sounds like the awesomest dude in the lot."

Professor Rowan rolled his eyes at the word 'dude'. He hated the new slang terms kids used these days.

Professor Rowan then handed Jack the same tray he handed to Malyssa, except in the top-left hand corner was Chimchar, and the Pokedex was red - not pink.

"Thanks, Professor!" He swiftly dashed out of the labratory, and down to the nearest Route.

"Alright. Now we have three more Pokemon left: Turtwig, Piplup, and Budew. We'll have Rarity Neva come up and pick her new partner!"

She walked up to him, and calmly said, "Piplup, sir."

Professor Rowan nodded, and handed her a tray with the five Pokeball, the pink Pokedex, and Piplup. Rarity then left for her grand adventure to take fold.

"Ryan Thomas!"

He walked up to Professor Rowan and said, "Turtwig!"

Professor Rowan nodded and said, "Here you go."

Just like Jack, he handed Ryan a tray with five Pokeballs, a red Pokedex, and Turtwig.

"YES!" Came a exstatic voice from the back. It was the only person left, and obviously he wanted Budew.

"Now, Kyle Yiming, you'd like Budew?" "Duh," Kyle said. "He evolves into Roselia, and then into Roserade! Roserade is awesome!"

Professor Rowan then handed Kyle the same tray as Ryan and Jack, except it had Budew in the top-left hand corner.

"Alright. Go, and have the adventure of your life! Since Jacqueline, Jack, and Rarity left, you three will get a request from me. Here it is: Record data of all of the Pokemon in Sinnoh, and have a great time training your newest partners and the ones you will soon catch! Now go: Let your journey unfold!" Professor Rowan exclaimed with excitement. Even for an old man who had trained when he was younger, he was still thrilled to see other children be happy when they receive their first Pokemon. He could never ever forget how huge their smiles were.

"Bye!" Malyssa, Ryan, and Kyle said in unison.

Malyssa, Ryan, and Kyle left the labratory, full of anxiety.

"I can't wait to start training my Budew," Kyle exclaimed. "He's going to become the very best Roserade anyone in the Sinnoh region has ever seen!" With that, he ran, exited the labratory premises, and ran for the very first Route of their adventure.

"Hey, Malyssa," Ryan said. "Yah?"

"You wanna do our journey together?" He asked, blushing.

"What do you mean?" Malyssa asked. She knew to well what he meant, but she couldn't quite believe it.

"I mean, travel together!"

"Sure, Ryan. I'd love to." She smiled at him.

"Cool," he said. He looked as if he would faint from happiness. "Well, let's take our two-wheeled bike with us, for easy traveling!"

"Yah! Did your mother give you food to cook?"

"Yah," Ryan replied. "Before today, the past year was for me learning how to cook. And now, I can cook like a monster!" He added a smile, to make it sound as if he had just become the best Pokemon Master anyone had ever seen.

"Awesome! What road to plan on taking? Trainer? Coordinator? Breeder?" Malyssa was desperate to know.

"I would, of course, become a Trainer! You?"

"Coordinator. You know that one coordinator named Dawn, from Twinleaf Town?"

"Yah!" Ryan exclaimed. "I here she is the best!"

"Well, I want to become just like her!"

"Cool! Let's get going!"

Their conversation lasted for a while, even while they were biking to Jubilife City, where there very first encounter with training would take place.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Alright! How do ya like the chapter? Hopefully, you like it! If you have any suggestions, PLEASE review!
  #3    
Old May 6th, 2008 (06:03 PM).
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Post Office Buddy
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Michigan (The land of the ice and snow)
Age: 25
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I would review it right now, but I'm behind in my reviews as it is. I should be able to get a review on your latest chapter by next week though. That's when things stop getting so hectic and I will have time to read some fictions.
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I am returning once again (hopefully for good). I will be updating Affliction regularly and reviewing other people's fics every so often. If you would like to request a review, then please send me a PM.

My FFC entry for April 2008: My Endless Loneliness
My Discontinued, Chaptered FanFiction: The Fall of Light
My current chaptered FanFiction: Affliction
My Parody of Pure Awesomeness (requires some context to fully appreciate): Sir. Aaron - A Parody
  #4    
Old May 7th, 2008 (03:39 PM).
Mistress Darkrai
Capturing Darkrai
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Thanks for the "quick" review!!! =] Bye!
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  #5    
Old May 7th, 2008 (04:57 PM).
Mistress Darkrai
Capturing Darkrai
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In NY..
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Alright! I've gotten one review - that has given me enough courage and confidence to keep this going! Here is Chapter Three!

Chapter Three;

The road inbetween Sandgem Town and Jubilife City was a short ride. Even though both Malyssa and Ryan were anxious to get there very first ribbon and badge, they knew they should take it easy, and get to know their Pokemon.

Without hesitation, Malyssa jumped off the two-wheeled bike and said, "Alright, Gible! Let's show Sinnoh!"

Throwing the Pokeball into the air like a pro, she let it spin. In mid-air, the Pokeball opened, reveiling a red mob of light moved to the ground. Then, the mob started to take shae of a red Gible, and then the red mob hardened to reveil a real, living, breathing Gible. The Gible looked at Malyssa, a confused look on her face.

"Alright," Ryan exclaimed. "Then, come on out, Turtwig! Let's pump it up!"

Just as Malyssa, Ryan threw the Pokeball into the air, but not as expertly as she did, and in mid-air, the Pokeball opened. Just as before, the red mob of light moved to the ground, while taking the shape of a red Turtwig in the process. After finally touching the ground, the red Turtwig hardened into a living, breathing Turtwig.

Turtwig stared at his Trainer. He didn't know what to think about him.

The Trainer, well, didn't look like Turtwig-training-material to Turtwig. Turtwig wanted a good, big Trainer, not a new, small Trainer.

His Trainer (Ryan) had a pair of brown plaid pants and had a brown shirt. On the shirt it said "Pokecrombie" in weird, curly letters. He had dark brown or black (Turtwig couldn't tell) hair. He had a hat that was brown on the front, and white-netted on the back. It had a Pokemon on it, but Turtwig didn't know the difference of them. Around Ryan's waist, there was a belt that had a bunch of pouches - each holding a Pokeball. Then, there was a slot for his Pokedex, and then a slot for any items. Ryan definitely looked like a newbie.

Ryan, however, saw his Turtwig as a strong Turtwig..

"Alright," Ryan said. "Turtwig, you wanna start training?"

Turtwig nodded, greedy to start. Turtwig wanted to see what his Trainer was made of!

Ryan swiftly hustled over to Turtwig and whispered so Malyssa couldn't hear, "We have to impress the ladies. You impress Gible, I impress Malyssa. Deal?"

Turtwig looked at the two females, and his eyes grew wide with admiration as Turtwig's eyes fell upon Gible. Gible looked like no ordinary Gible. Her eyelashes were curled, as if she was wearing human mascara! Wow!

Turtwig darted back to Ryan and nodded. He wanted to start - and impress Gible.

"Alright! Turtwig, use Tackle on that tree stump!" Ryan exclaimed, his heart beating ten times faster. He wanted to impress Malyssa! He wanted her to be his girlfriend! He wanted her!

Faster then any Turtwig Malyssa and Gible ever saw, the Turtwig dashed to the tree with Tackle, and hit the tree stump very hard. The tree stump then split into many tiny pieces scattered across the earth.

Turtwig looked at the two females, and smiled as if had won the PokeLottery!

Gible looked at the Turtwig, bored. Sure, the Gible thought. Turtwig is strong, but he's just not my type. But that human, however, is my perfect type! Mhmm!

Turtwig stared at Gible, who was staring at Ryan, who was staring at Malyssa, who was staring back.

It was a mixed-up love triangle. A human and a Pokemon - dating? Hah! Gible should know that. A Pokemon and a Pokemon dating - that makes MUCH more sense!

"Ok. Gible," Malyssa started at a low whisper. "We have to impress the boys. I want Ryan to become my boyfriend, so let's start! And you definitely want Turtwig! Let's show those two boys what women we are!"

Both of them nodded in unison, and then started to practice!

"Now! Gible, use Dragon Breath on the top of the tree!" Malyssa exclaimed, looking frantically from side-to-side, making sure Ryan was watching her somewhere..

And indeed, he was. He couldn't help but admire her posture; it was so straight, so sure of what she was doing. And her body! It moved with unhuman-like precision - and the body was nicely curved. He couldn't help but admire that either.. After all, he was a guy.

As both of the two females and males 'faced' off to impress eachother, they tired themselves out. But, they accomplished their mission. Both sides impressed the other, and both sides made mental notes on the other side.

"Hey!" Malyssa screamed to Ryan. "You wanna show me, Gible, and Turtwig your cooking abilities?" Malyssa was smirking.

"Yah!" Ryan's faced immediately brightened. "I'll get to it!"

Malyssa nodded to him. She then looked at him, and I mean REALLY looked at him. His hair was always messy; nobody even tried to fix it. His emerald eyes shown brightly in the sunlight - as if they were emeralds in a bright cave. His smile was white white white; not even the Tooth Fairy could compare! And his muscles! Aaah! His muscles! He had nice arms, nice legs, and especially nice legs! She couldn't help but wonder what he would use those for in the near future, and she hoped she would be the first to know. After all, her love for Ryan wasn't 'puppy love'. It was grown-upish love.

Ryan started to unpack his cooking supplies, and during his breaks, he would stare at Malyssa, who was either busy doing something, or talking to her Gible.

Malyssa was just SO beautiful to Ryan. Her long, brown hair shown brightly in the sunlight - and he couldn't help but admire how shiny it was. Admittedly, he liked everything about her. She was the *****ing image of a hot girl with a nice personality and who wasn't a stupid blonde. Hah! Blonde! That joke had been THEE joke for a while. But, after awhile, everyone got bored of hearnig the "Blonde Joke" that people turned it into the "Red Joke", all about red-heads. It was a mean, cruel idea, but people did it anyways. Anyway, she kept stealing glances at him, catching him off-guard. He would smile sheepishly and turn the other way. She couldn't help but smile; it was obviously: He loved her the same way as she did for him.

Later on after dinner, Ryan came over and sat next to her, watching the sunset. Gible and Turtwig were still out of their Pokeballs, and they too were watching the sunset. Malyssa left her hand within arms reach - for obvious reasons. She wanted Ryan to hold her hand. Indeed, he did. Suddenly, he moved his hand onto hers, and intertwined his fingers with hers. Feeling a sudden rush of excitement, Malyssa smiled so brightly, that she could beat even the suns glow. Almost instinctively, she rested her head on his shoulder, and scooted her body closer to his. He then put is arm around her shoulders, and kissed her forhead.

Aww. So romantic.
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  #6    
Old May 8th, 2008 (11:59 AM).
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The Beast
Mewtwo's Elite Master
 
Join Date: May 2008
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Hey sweety, this story is quit awesome, can't wait to see more.
  #7    
Old May 8th, 2008 (02:53 PM).
Mistress Darkrai
Capturing Darkrai
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In NY..
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Thanks - The Beast! I really appreciate it! Chapter Four is coming up soon!
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Thee MySpace<3My FanFic=] --Mistress Darkrai

  #8    
Old September 6th, 2008 (09:39 AM).
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Blue Angel
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I just read Chapter One. I like how you focused on the feelings that Malyssa has for Ryan but some of the sentences describing her getting ready, had spelling errors and slightly didn't make sense. Please reread that section and edit it to make more sense.

BTW, The part about the teeth in parenthesis is unnecessary. But be sure to fix that sentences structure too. That was one of the ones that didn't make sense. You used "to" instead of something like "until"

It seemed a little too fast paced and played up a little, which i wish wasn't there, but I don't know how to help you with the aspect. I know I would have loved it, if that aspect wasn't there.

Oh well :p

Cute story, i'll keep reading soon.

Who knows? Maybe since I am sorta bumping this from 4 days ago, you'll get a new set of reviewers who can help identify that something that is preventing you from having a perfect story

Edit: I did look part of it over, and I think what I saw that was preventing it was probably the description aspect. Some things aren't clear.

For example, Malyssa "fainted" from Ryan's smile, but obviously it was an inward feeling of ... well, you get the idea. You need to tie those two ideas together, so it is fully understood why she "fainted." Just saying it like you did can be extremely confusing and make people think that she actually fainted. Something like this might work "Seeing his smile made her faint on the inside." Tie the thoughts together.

Good luck.
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