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  #1    
Old May 31st, 2008 (05:13 PM).
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Summery

This is a fic about the Harry Potter Series characters. I’ve made a few changes that the Epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows says, and I’ll be including my own version of the Epilogue in one of the chapters. I hope you like it!

Chapter 1

Albus saw a small black owl glide through the window, a letter clutched in its claws. His green, almond shaped eyes glowed with excitement as he reached for the letter, but before he could grab it, his brother snatched it from the owl.

“Give it here, James!” Albus shouted to the red haired boy in front of him.

“Don’t worry, I don’t want you to see your rejection letter,” replied James, his eyes gleaming with laughter, then, seeing the look on Albus’s face, he handed the letter back.

Albus excitedly opened the letter and unfolded its contents.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL

of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Headmistress: Minerva McGonagall

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,

Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed

a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than

July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Gwamp DeLure

Gwamp DeLure

Deputy Headmaster
Albus then pulled out the attached paper.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL

Of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

UNIFORM

First-year students will require:

Three sets of plain work robes (black)

One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear

Once pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)

One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)

Please note that all pupils’ clothes should carry name tags

COURSE BOOKS

All students should have a copy of each of the following:

The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1)



By Miranda Goshawk

A History of Magic

By Bathilda Bagshot

Magical Theory

By Adalbert Waffling

A Beginners’ Guide to Transfiguration

By Emeric Switch

One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi

By Phyllida Spore

Magical Drafts and Potions

By Arsenius Jigger

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

By Newt Scamander

The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection

By Wuentin Trimble

OTHER EQUIPMENT

1 wand

1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)

1 set glass or crystal phials

1 telescope

1 set brass scales

Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad

PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST YEARS ARE NOT

ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS
Albus excitedly read the papers. He was going to Hogwarts at last!

“Mum, Dad,” Albus called, “I got the Hogwarts letter!”

Mr. and Mrs. Potter rushed into the room. Mr. Potter looked just like an older version of Albus, with the same eyes and lumpy, black hair, but on his forehead was a lightened lightning bolt shaped scar. Mrs. Potter had fiery red hair and bright brown eyes. Mr. Potter congratulated his excited son, and quickly sending a letter back to Hogwarts. After he was done, the owl snatched the letter and carried it off to Hogwarts.

Then, a faint crying could be heard from the upstairs.

“Lily!” Mrs. Potter shouted as she ran towards the awful noise. “I told you not to hold Nymphadora upside down!”

Ignoring this, Mr. Potter said, “We’ll go to Diagon Alley tomorrow."
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Old May 31st, 2008 (05:19 PM).
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Chapter 2

Scorpius dreaded the day he would go to Hogwarts. Every time an owl swooped around his house, he would hide in his shaded room, but one day, he didn't see it coming.

Scorpius Malfoy sat with his mum and dad at the table eating breakfast, when a snow white owl with gray flecks landed in front of him, dropping a letter onto Scorpius's empty plate. Even though he didn't want to even touch the letter, he never showed fear in front of his parents. He didn't want to appear weak. Scorpius grabbed the letter.

'Might as well get it over with,' he thought as he opened it. “It's my Hogwarts letter!” Scorpius tried to sound excited.

Mr. Malfoy beamed. “We can go to Diagon Alley right after you're finished getting ready.”

Scorpius nodded. He quickly rushed to his room and pulled on some muggle clothes. It would look strange if he walked around a muggle street with normal clothes on. He brushed his blonde hair and washed his pale face. 'This is going to be a long day,” he thought.

“I'm ready!” he shouted as he rushed back to the dining room.

“All right,” his mother said. “Let's go.”

They got into a muggle car and Mr. Malfoy started driving.

“I can't believe that they had to shut off the Floo Network at a time like this!” Scorpius's father said as he drove down a muggle street. The Malfoy family lived on the only magical part of the neighborhood. Muggles could only see a giant metal fence that said 'Danger Keep Out.' Not only that, but there was also a muggle repelling charm on the fence so muggles wouldn't sneak into it.

About 30 minutes later, they stopped at The Leakey Cauldron. They got out of the car and walked in. A few people gave them scared looks as they past through. They went out the other side, and Mr. Malfoy pulled out his wand and tapped a few bricks on the wall in front of them. The bricks started shaping into an entrance, and the Malfoys walked through.

“Look!” Scorpius was excited for the first time that day. “A Lightningbolt!” He pointed to a broomstick being held by a hover charm behind the 'Quality Quidditch Supplies' shop window.

“It doesn't matter,” Mr. Malfoy growled. “You're not allowed to have a broomstick until your second year.”

“OK,” Scorpius gloomily replied.

“We can get you your wand, first,” Mrs. Malfoy assured Scorpius, “then we can look at the other stuff.”

The Malfoys then started walking to 'Ollivander's.' When they got inside the shop, an old man was waiting at the desk.

“You must be the Malfoys,” he said, then he looked at Scorpius. “Let's see what I have for you.” Scorpius assumed that the man must have been Ollivander. Ollivander disappeared into his library of wands, and then appeared again with a wand in his hand. He handed it to Scorpius and said, “Perhaps a unicorn tail hair like your father's.” As soon as Scorpius touched the wand, Ollivander snatched the wand from him, and gave him another wand. “Maybe a dragon hide like your mother's.”

As soon as Scorpius grasped the wand, a warm feeling swept over him. It felt like all the magic in the world was flowing into him. Mr. Malfoy paid Ollivander seven gold Galleons, and then they left the shop.

Scorpius had bought all of his supplies except for an owl, so the Malfoys headed to 'Eeylops Owl Emporium.'

“Hello, what can I do for you?” a man holding an owl cage said, but before Mr. Malfoy could reply, the man said, “Oh, I almost forgot, I'm now selling birds as well.”

“Pick your owl,” Mr. Malfoy said to Scorpius, “and then we can buy whatever else you want.”

Scorpius nodded and started looking through the owls. Then, he saw a beautiful flame colored bird sitting in a cage. 'Wow,' he thought, 'I've never seen a bird like that before.' Then, the bird suddenly burned into a heap of ashes. Scorpius then stared in amazement as a baby bird poked its head out of the ashes.

“Sir,” Scorpius called to the seller, “how much does this bird cost?”

“50 Galleons,” the man said. “This here is a pheonix. They never die, they only get reborn, and their tears have healing powers.”

“Wow!” Scorpius exclaimed. “That's amazing!” then, he looked at his father. “Dad, can I get this pheonix?” Mr. Malfoy shook his head.

“If you want it, then buy it yourself,” he said.

Scorpius sighed, then picked a white owl. Scorpius was about to leave, when the man said, “I'll give you the pheonix if you do me a favor.”

Scorpius turned around. “What, then?”

“If you get me a rainbow feather, then I'll give you this pheonix,” he said. “Once you've got it, send it to this name.” the man handed Scorpius a paper with the name 'Gwamp DeLure.'

'Where have I read that name?' Scorpius thought. 'It sounds awfully familiar.'
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Old June 1st, 2008 (12:10 AM).
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Okay I am intrigued now. The story itself looks pretty well written. But I dislike fanfics that switch the POV to another character every so often. I personally prefer one character as a protagonist.

But anyway I was hoping to see one good fanfic that would be a sequel to Deathly Hallows. I would of course much rather have one as a roleplay but that is asking for to much
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Old June 1st, 2008 (01:09 PM).
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One thing I noticed;

Quote originally posted by ~!~Miss Cow~!~:
“Dad, can I get this pheonix?”
It's spelled 'phoenix'.

It's pretty good so far. The only thing I'd suggest is a bit more description in your story, as it seems to be propelled by the dialogue. Keep it up. :]
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Old June 4th, 2008 (08:26 PM).
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Chapter 3

After Albus got his pheonix feather wand and the rest of his school supplies, Mr. and Mrs. Potter brought James to 'Quality Quidditch Supplies.'

“Look, it's the Lightningbolt! Mum, Dad, can I get it?” James pleaded.

“You just got the Speeddemon 2000!” Mr. Potter exclaimed.

“But, Dad,” James said.

“No buts,” Mrs. Potter scolded. “We can't waste our money on broomsticks.”

“Look!” Lily pointed at a shop. “'Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes!' Let's go there.”

“It'd be nice to see George, Angelina, Fred, and Roxanne again,” Mrs. Potter said.

The Potters walked into the joke shop and spotted them.

“Hi, Roxanne!” Lily ran up to her cousin. Roxanne had black hair and brown eyes, she resembled her mother as much as Albus resembled his father.

“Hey, Fred!” James chatted with his cousin while Lily talked with Roxanne. Fred had red hair and brown eyes, the only thing that made him look different from his father was his dark skin. James saw Albus just standing next to their father. 'Why is he always so shy?' he thought.

***

“I just have to show you the cutest animals!” Roxanne showed Lily a cage full of little puff balls, either pink or purple.

“What are they?” Lily asked.

“Pygmy Puffs,” Roxanne replied.

“Mum!” Lily called.

“What is it?” Mrs. Weasley asked, holding baby Nymphadora in her arms.

“Can I get a Pygmy Puff?”

“Of course,” Mrs. Weasley said. “I bought one right around the time this shop opened.”

***

For the rest of the month, James counted down the days that he would go back to Hogwarts. He couldn't wait to see his friends. Finally, the day he boarded the Hogwarts Express came.


This is just the epologue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows except with stuff put in, and other things taken outl. It is J.K. Rowling's diolgue from the epologue except the first three.

Chapter 4

The Potters were now in the car, on their way to the train station.

“I bet a naughty boy like you will be in Slytherin,” James teased Albus. “I know that behind that innocent little face of yours is an evil boy, just waiting for his chance to rule the wizarding world!”

“No!” Albus yelled. “I won't be in Slytherin!”

The rest of the ride was just like this. When they got out of the car, James and Albus were still arguing. Muggles were starting to give them funny looks, so Mrs. Potter hushed them.

“Platform nine-and-three-quarters is this way,” Mr. Potter said as they wove their way towards the barrier between platforms nine and ten. Once they got through the barrier, James and Albus resumed their argument.

“I won't! I won't be in Slytherin!” Albus shouted to his brother.

“James, give it a rest!” said Mrs. Potter.

“I only said he might be,” said James, grinning at his younger brother. “There's nothing wrong with that. He might be in Slyth-----”

James then caught his mother's eye and fell silent. He then withdrew to the train.

“You'll write to me, won't you?” Albus asked his parents, taking advantage of the momentary absence of his brother.

“Every day, if you want us to,” Mrs. Potter said.

“Not every day,” Albus said quickly. “James says most people only get letters from home about once a month, or less.”

“We wrote to James every day last year,” Mrs. Potter confirmed.

“And don't believe everything your brother tells you about Hogwarts,” his father said. “He likes a laugh, your brother.”

“Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron should be here by now, where are they?” Lily said. This was the first time she had spoken that since they left home.

“I think that's them, Lily,” Mrs. Potter said as she pointed to a family of four walking towards them.

Albus's aunt and uncle came with their two kids. Rose was already wearing her school robes, her brown hair blossoming(please tell me if that sounds weird) and her blue eyes sparkling. Hugo, engaged in a conversation with Lily about what houses they would be put in when they went to Hogwarts, had red hair and dark brown eyes.

***

“If you're not in Gryffindor, we'll disinherit you,” Mr. Weasley said to Rose, “but no pressure.”

Ron!” Rose's mum scolded.

Lily and Hugo laughed, but Albus and Rose looked solemn.

“Look who it is,” Mr. Weasley pointed his head over to a blond haired man with cold gray eyes with his wife and son. “So that's little Scorpius,” he looked at Rose. “Make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank God you inherited your mother's brains.”

“Ron, for heaven's sake,” said Mrs. Weasley, half stern, half amused. “Don't try to turn them against each other before they've even started school!”

“You're right, sorry,” said Rose's dad, but unable to help himself, he added, “Just don't get too friendly with him, though, Rosie. Granddad Weasley would never forgive you if you married a pureblood.”

“Hey!” this time it was Rose who spoke, but then she looked over at the Malfoys and saw Scorpius. 'He's kind of cute,' she thought, but then she told herself, 'But he's a Malfoy, vermin like him shouldn't be trusted.'

Then, James came running out of the train. “Teddy's in there,” he said breathlessly, pointing back to the train. “Just seen him! And guess what he's doing? Snogging Victoire!”

After seeing the lack of reaction in his parents' face he said, “Our Teddy! Teddy Lupin! Snogging our Victoire! Our cousin! And I asked Teddy what he was doing-----”

“You interrupted them?” exclaimed Rose's Aunt Ginny. “You are so like Ron-----”

“------and he said he'd come to see her off! And then he told me to go away. He's snogging her!” James added.

“Oh, it would be lovely if they got married!” whispered Lily excitedly. “Teddy would really be part of the family!”

“It's nearly eleven, you'd better get on board,” Mrs. Weasley said to Rose, Albus, and James.

“Don't forget to give Neville our love!” Aunt Ginny told James as she hugged him.

“Mum! I can't give a professor love!”

“Oh, but you know Neville-----”

“Outside, yeah, but at school he's Professor Longbottom, isn't he? I can't walk into Herbology and give him love. . . .”

***

As James went into a compartment with his friends, he said, “See you later, Al. Watch out for the thestrals.”

“I thought they were invisible? You said they were invisible!”

But James merely laughed.

“What if I'm in Slytherin?” Albus asked his father.

“Albus Severus,” Mr. Potter said quietly, so that nobody but Albus could hear, “you were named after two headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.”

“But just say----”

“-----then Slytherin House will have gained an excellent student. It doesn't matter to us, Al, but if it matters to you, you'll be able to choose Gryffindor over Slytherin. The Sorting Hat takes your choice into account.”

“Really?”

“It did for me,” his father replied.

Now the doors were slamming all along the scarlet train, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter quickly got off.

“Why are they all staring?” demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students.

Rose just shrugged, and the two cousins got an empty compartment.
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