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  #1    
Old June 20th, 2008, 04:47 PM
Kagome's Avatar
Kagome
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Please tell me if its good I made it up along the way and this is my first poem about friendship



Friends are for your company
Friends are helpful
Friends are nice to you in every way possible
Friends cheer you up when your sad or lonely
Friends care deeply about you when it come to hurt and hatetred
Friends will not go away
Unless you keep this in mind:
FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS
That what the word friends means
Friendship will never end
Unless you make it end
Same for relationship
It should not ever end
Untill you make it end
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  #2    
Old June 20th, 2008, 05:39 PM
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Tk-mia
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it waz ok and very ture, good useage of the word friend/friendship
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  #3    
Old June 20th, 2008, 05:54 PM
Kagome's Avatar
Kagome
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thanks TK-mia im not so much of making poem but i tried and it turned out ok
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  #4    
Old June 20th, 2008, 10:09 PM
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Sasuke Hinamori
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I like it but it made me remember a piece of my life that i forgot about when i was little thanks your poem helped me figure out what it was maybe you will become a poet but i like it good grammer and word useage its a good poem.
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  #5    
Old June 22nd, 2008, 04:36 AM
Mr. Curling Iron
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kagome View Post
Friends are for your company
Friends are helpful
Friends are nice to you in every way possible
Friends cheer you up when your sad or lonely
Friends care deeply about you when it come to hurt and hatetred
Friends will not go away
Unless you keep this in mind:
FRIENDSHIP NEVER ENDS
That what the word friends means
Friendship will never end
Unless you make it end
Same for relationship
It should not ever end
Untill you make it end

I like it, Good use of Repetition, but, In-contrast to N.U.S., I think it needs use on spelling, and punctuation (however u spell it). =)

Ok, now that I re-read it, there is little language techniques. The Poem itself if very nice, It sounds like it is from the heart, but, Stanzas are useful to adopt, and you could use more description because some people, (like my previous english teacher) feel that it gets really boring when a word is repeated too much. The only Punctuation in the whole poem is a colon. Ok, there are Poems that are made with lots of punctuation and spelling mistakes because it helps to convey a message, but, it doesnt suit this poem. I think you wanted this poem to be read slowly right? Well, in order to achieve that, you must utilise your punctuation. Your spelling problems are probably just typos, but remember to re-read poems after you have written them.
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Last edited by Mr. Curling Iron; June 22nd, 2008 at 04:46 AM. Reason: Ok, Analysis :P
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  #6    
Old June 24th, 2008, 02:50 PM
Kagome's Avatar
Kagome
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thanks imiraj im sort new that why hehe~
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