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  #1    
Old June 22nd, 2008, 05:12 PM
Avey's Avatar
Avey
Enter The Slasher House
 
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This was written for a friend of mine in real life, but I never got a chance to show it to her. So, I decided to show you guys instead. Obviously, I got a lot of help from friends, family and a dictionary while making this, and I'm not sure all of the words are actually words, but it has a nice flowing tempo and that's the most important thing.

___

In Another Life

In another life I hold your hand, and gaze across that moonlit bay;
Where once we stood, in years gone by, constrained to go our separate way,
So much unspoken, so much unsaid;
So much left locked within my head.
And yet the memory returns, and every moonlit night it yearns,
To see your face again, unspurned;
In another life…

In another life I speak the words I longed to say an age ago;
When interrupted love lay churned by circumstantial vertigo,
And cruel fate and angels wings;
Took precedence o’er tender things.
And yet I saw you in my dreams, and hot tears cleansed internal screams,
To hear your voice again, redeemed,
In another life…

In another life I kiss your lips, and hold you trembling in my arms;
Where worlds ago you only knew the penning of this wordsmith’s charms,
Internal longings, whose external sweet;
Would ne’er be tasted, ne’er complete.
And yet I held as underpriced, the hope of our once promised tryst,
To kiss your lips, two hearts now spliced,
In another life…

In another life I wait for you, my secret heart, my summer’s sun;
To finish what a life ago this unexpected love begun,
And Ulysses forever lost,
Forever found, the threshold crossed;
Shall live under Italian skies, and feel the searchings of your eyes,
And wait for you, no more goodbyes;
In another life…
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  #2    
Old June 22nd, 2008, 05:27 PM
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Sydian
I don't like frogs.
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Alabama
Age: 22
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Wow.

That was amazing. You leave me speechless once again, Oni.

I like this one better than the other. Keep up the fantastic work.
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  #3    
Old June 22nd, 2008, 09:45 PM
Mr. Curling Iron
u kujw bux :d
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sydney
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Nature: Naughty
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oni Raichu View Post
In Another Life

In another life I hold your hand, and gaze across that moonlit bay;
Where once we stood, in years gone by, constrained to go our separate way,
So much unspoken, so much unsaid;
So much left locked within my head.
And yet the memory returns, and every moonlit night it yearns,
To see your face again, unspurned;
In another life…

In another life I speak the words I longed to say an age ago;
When interrupted love lay churned by circumstantial vertigo,
And cruel fate and angels wings;
Took precedence o’er tender things.
And yet I saw you in my dreams, and hot tears cleansed internal screams,
To hear your voice again, redeemed,
In another life…

In another life I kiss your lips, and hold you trembling in my arms;
Where worlds ago you only knew the penning of this wordsmith’s charms,
Internal longings, whose external sweet;
Would ne’er be tasted, ne’er complete.
And yet I held as underpriced, the hope of our once promised tryst,
To kiss your lips, two hearts now spliced,
In another life…

In another life I wait for you, my secret heart, my summer’s sun;
To finish what a life ago this unexpected love begun,
And Ulysses forever lost,
Forever found, the threshold crossed;
Shall live under Italian skies, and feel the searchings of your eyes,
And wait for you, no more goodbyes;
In another life…

Oni... That was wonderful. This shows my situation right now, and I am left astounded.

The use of Repetition works very well, and how much you love your woman is shown very clearly. I dont know the definition for about 10% of the words there, but the poem, like you said, flowed so well that I didn't need to know their definitions to know its meaning. The imagery is very vivid. (The second stanza reminded me about the last time I saw my girl, xD and I can, funnily enough, remember exactly what happened back then thanks to this poem - about three months ago.)

I can tell how much effort you have put into this poem, and I'm sure that she would really appreciate it.

If you still have feelings for her, I'd suggest that you write it out, and if you have classes with her, 'accidentally' drop it, or something, so she reads it, or when she's at your place, leave the computer on with this poem at 16 font Times New Roman Bold (She is bound to read it xD Girls are way to curious.) Yeah =) Or you could just show it to her straight out, be bold, and tell her, you wrote it for her long ago, and you want to give it to her anyway.

Thank you for posting this poem. It made me remember alot of things


~Miraj
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  #4    
Old June 26th, 2008, 12:22 PM
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steph
vampire
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
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your poem is amazing :]
you have alot of talent!
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