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Writer's Lounge Need advice? Want to give advice? Come on in and share ideas with your fellow writers. Just remember, all fics go in the main forum.


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  #1    
Old July 5th, 2008, 07:26 PM
Blue Screen of Death's Avatar
Blue Screen of Death
Wait, what?
 
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I have a crazy idea that would not shut up. Here it is (or part of it).
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A trainer was walking along through a forest when one of his pokeballs began to shake. "That's odd." He mumbled, grabbing the pokeball. It continued to shake, causing him to let out the pokemon out.

A bright flash of light streaked through the air as a a Murkrow said "Wow, those things are hard on my back."

" Murky, you can talk?" The trainer said in surprise.

"Of course I can talk, you idiot. I have just chosen not to for a long time, like all of us. Also, don't call me Murky any more, my name is Jeff." Jeff replied. "Come on out guys, he knows."

The rest of the trainers pokeballs shook, and one by one, the pokemon let themselves out, in a laser light show of pokemon. "You can leave the pokeballs whenever you want?"

"Well, sort of. We can leave if anyone says something like 'you can come out.'" Jeff said, as a, Aipom, Pikachu, and Frosslass stretched.

"Before you say it, yes, they can talk to." Jeff said.

"Well, hello Pommy, Chewy, and Frosty." The trainer said, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

"My name is Adam, idiot." The Aipom said.

"And my name is Paul, moron." The pikachu said.

"My name is Francine," The Frosslass paused, "Oh, come on guys, you took all of the good names."

"Just call me Seth." The trainer said, as he was tired of being insulted by his pokemon.

"Well, Seth, we need to talk." Jeff said.
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Well, what do you think. I will probably write this later on, and just wanted to put it out.


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  #2    
Old July 6th, 2008, 01:50 PM
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TurtleKing
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SupahFunk View Post
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A Trainer was walking along through a forest when one of his pokeballs began to shake. "That's odd." He mumbled, grabbing the pokeball. It continued to shake, causing him to let out the pokemon out.


Describe the Trainer. What does he look like? What is he wearing? Giving us the plain old trainer with no description leads us wondering what he looks like. Unless, his description and looks are supposed to remain untold.

Quote:
A bright flash of light streaked through the air as a Murkrow said, "Wow, those things are hard on my back."

"Murky, you can talk?" The trainer said in surprise.

"Of course I can talk, you idiot. I have just chosen not to for a long time, like all of us. Also, don't call me Murky any more. My name is Jeff." Jeff replied. "Come on out guys; he knows."

The rest of the Trainer's Pokeballs shook and, one by one, the Pokemon let themselves out in a laser light show of Pokemon.

"You can leave the pokeballs whenever you want?" The trainer asked, questioned.

"Well, sort of. We can leave if anyone says something like 'You can come out.'." Jeff said, as an Aipom, Pikachu, and Frosslass stretched.(?)

"Before you say it, yes, they can talk too." Jeff said.

"Well, hello Pommy, Chewy, and Frosty." The Trainer said, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

"My name is Adam, idiot." The Aipom said.

"And my name is Paul, moron." The Pikachu said.

"My name is Francine," The Frosslass paused, "Oh, come on guys, you took all of the good names."

"Just call me Seth." The Trainer said, as he was tired of being insulted by his pokemon.

"Well, Seth, we need to talk." Jeff said.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, what do you think. I will probably write this later on, and just wanted to put it out.
Quote:
Capitalize Trainer because it's a title for a person. Overall, it's pretty dry, in my opinion. It could use more description even though it is only part of a fic. To be honest, it's a bit uneventful.
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  #3    
Old July 8th, 2008, 12:30 AM
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iRawr-x
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Very nice story ;D I think you should write more (I really haven't got much ideas for the next part ;( Sorry)
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