Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Reload this Page Poison Kiss

Notices
For all updates, view the main page.

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.



Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old August 22nd, 2008 (12:02 AM).
Toblerone's Avatar
Toblerone Toblerone is offline
Which chocolate is the best?
Team Kanto
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender:
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 1,137
This is just a poem i found lying around that i wrote a few years back. What do you guys think of it?

Could it be, that it was never to last?
You Poisnous Kiss reveals the past.
Could it be, we were never to love?
Your Poisnous Kiss destroys the "wuv".
Could it be, our love never begun?
Your Poisnous Kiss reveals your done.

I'm writing more (i've actually found some emo poems i wrote years back), but what do you think of this one?
__________________


My (now dead) Pc family:
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old August 22nd, 2008 (11:41 PM).
MrRandomIDon'tCare's Avatar
MrRandomIDon'tCare MrRandomIDon'tCare is offline
I'm Not Here
Team Johto
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: England
Age: 21
Gender:
Nature: Bold
Posts: 171
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to MrRandomIDon'tCare
nice, very nice. keep working at it Toblerone :)
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old August 23rd, 2008 (12:16 AM).
Toblerone's Avatar
Toblerone Toblerone is offline
Which chocolate is the best?
Team Kanto
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender:
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 1,137
Thanks, Vidler! It's one that i found (it's a few years old), like i said, i have more that i'll probably post here, if you think this one is good XD.
__________________


My (now dead) Pc family:
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old August 23rd, 2008 (09:13 AM).
MrRandomIDon'tCare's Avatar
MrRandomIDon'tCare MrRandomIDon'tCare is offline
I'm Not Here
Team Johto
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: England
Age: 21
Gender:
Nature: Bold
Posts: 171
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to MrRandomIDon'tCare
Sure, look for them, lol! This one's great!
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old August 26th, 2008 (01:48 PM).
Glitter Stain's Avatar
Glitter Stain Glitter Stain is offline
Banned
Team Johto
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Gender:
Nature: Bold
Posts: 832
Using words like "wuv" and love to rhyme isn't the best thing to do; it generally indicates a forced rhyme. Other than that, the poem was pretty pleasant except for the fact that some of the lines are slightly unrelated.
Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old August 26th, 2008 (01:52 PM).
FrosslassSorbet's Avatar
FrosslassSorbet FrosslassSorbet is offline
Team Unova
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Gender:
Posts: 35
:O Poison Kiss sounds like a Pokemon move! *Makes it so*
__________________
Izzy's PokePet
E:\SARAH\Pokemon\Images\Tojho Region\lumeetge4 copy.png
Buzzy the level 5 Lumee !

Sprite for Lumee (c) Samson


/l、
(゚、 。 7
 l、 ~ヽ
 じしf_, )ノ Kitty!
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old August 27th, 2008 (03:50 AM).
Toblerone's Avatar
Toblerone Toblerone is offline
Which chocolate is the best?
Team Kanto
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Gender:
Nature: Lonely
Posts: 1,137
Lol, yes, it does, Froslass.

Mobile Tsk, your right "wuv" wasn't a good word to use XD. It was made 4 years ago, so what ya gonna do? I find forced rhyming very common in the poems i've found, any tips you could give me to correct these?
__________________


My (now dead) Pc family:
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old August 27th, 2008 (04:36 AM).
MrRandomIDon'tCare's Avatar
MrRandomIDon'tCare MrRandomIDon'tCare is offline
I'm Not Here
Team Johto
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: England
Age: 21
Gender:
Nature: Bold
Posts: 171
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to MrRandomIDon'tCare
Quote originally posted by Toblerone:
Lol, yes, it does, Froslass.

Mobile Tsk, your right "wuv" wasn't a good word to use XD. It was made 4 years ago, so what ya gonna do? I find forced rhyming very common in the poems i've found, any tips you could give me to correct these?
just let it flow. if you can't think of a rhyme, try a word that means sort of the same thing to the word you cannot rhyme, and see if there is an easier word to rhyme it with.

But with "love", you could have used "above" for the rhyme. you'd have needed to change the line, but at least it wouldn't be a forced rhyme.

But if this doesnt work, then type "rhyme" into google, and the first result is something called www.rhymezone.com , this is very useful, just type in the word, and click find rhymes.


Hope this helps.

:)
Reply With Quote
  #9    
Old August 27th, 2008 (12:47 PM).
Glitter Stain's Avatar
Glitter Stain Glitter Stain is offline
Banned
Team Johto
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Gender:
Nature: Bold
Posts: 832
Yes -- Rhyme Zone and other rhyming dictionaries should be your best bet on correcting the problem. Forced rhymes may be common but they are very distracting oftentimes.
Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25

Forum Jump


All times are UTC -8. The time now is 01:24 PM.