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View Poll Results: Are these lyrics I've written good?
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  #1    
Old September 10th, 2008, 06:53 PM
SamuraiMaster's Avatar
SamuraiMaster
and his son, Layne (Buizel).
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Colorado
Age: 23
Gender: Male
Nature: Calm
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I've written a few songs, but I've always recieved comments on how these two are the best.

Tell me what you think and please don't copy off me...
NOTE: These songs can be very dark so if you are offended by explicit lyrics, you may not wanna read this.

“Pawns of War”

Gather forces from the street
Talk them all out of defeat
Regular people with no life
Forced to leave their kids and wife

Taking sons from weeping moms
Your Little Johnny’s now a bomb
Unprepared for incoming shots
They’re sent back home in a box

[chorus]
The army we send out the door
They are only pawns of war
We spare the rich, but rape the poor
That’s what disposable men are for

Firing at the unknown force
Generals showing no remorse
Venturing out can be such a dare
Safety ain’t found anywhere

Machine gun fire is all I hear
Whether it be far or near
Death by gun or bomb or knife
Anything it takes to steal your life

[chorus]
[guitar solo]

Bullets are no longer rare
Bombs are falling through the air
Tanks are rumbling in the street
Bodies are falling at my feet

Soldier don’t you say a word
We’re moving you across the board
Soldier boy say your goodbye’s
The time has come for you to die

[chorus]
[guitar solo to the end of the song]


“Letter from No Man’s Land”

[starts out soft and slow]

[echoes] Mother........

It’s not a secret anymore
I have rotten to the core
No one knows, what life has stored
What the hell is this war for?


Insanity traps me from inside
War’s done nothing, but kill my pride
Where I sleep, is a crimson tide
It makes me want to run and hide

[mini solo; still quiet]

The stench of death looms in the air
This insanity’s more than I can bare
My life now, none shall spare
Does anyone out there even care?

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep
If I shall die before I wake
I pray the Lord, my soul to take

[mini solo leading to the bridge]

[bridge; dynamics get louder]

Death happens all around me
It does nothing, but feed my inner insanity
I no longer want to fight
This just doesn’t seem all right
I might fall in the abyss
I just can’t take much more of this
This all makes me want to yell
Damn it all, damn it all straight to hell!

...mother please...I wanna go home...help me...

[solo]

[loudest point in this song]

I just gotta flee this hell
Peace, no longer can it sell
Please, dear God, please hear my cry
Take me with you, to the sky!

Mother, I love you, I hope you know
Love you, more than I could show
I write this letter shedding tears
I really wish that you were here!


Mother I am freaking out
I finally regain my right to shout
This war itself has gone amok
Yet no one seems to give a...

[song ends abruptly as an explosion sounds followed by gunfire and war sound effects]
My Buizel is not amused with your foolishness.

Mystery Dungeon: Through the Never
I'd appreciate any reviews on my fic.
  #2    
Old September 11th, 2008, 07:50 AM
fade101's Avatar
fade101
I rawr youu!!
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: my house
Gender:
Nature: Hasty
Dude! Its sick!! I love letter from no mans land!! Its soo original XD
Keep up teh good work!!
Im looking forward to yer next one!
lace up your shoes
here's how we do
run baby run
don't ever look back
they'll tear us apart
if you give them the chance
don't sell your heart
don't say we're not meant to be
forever will be
<3 you and me <3



  #3    
Old September 11th, 2008, 11:22 AM
CJ_9's Avatar
CJ_9
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: England
Age: 22
Gender:
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Canny good lyrics.
Quite deep man.

Id love to hear the music to these :D
Friend Code - 5284 3906 4904



  #4    
Old September 11th, 2008, 07:16 PM
Gymnotide's Avatar
Gymnotide
8377 | Scorpaeniform
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New York City
Age: 22
Gender: Female
Nature: Naughty

^ lol beatsprite.

What genre does this song fall under?
There's something about song that makes everything work.

There are some grammatical and spelling errors, but that's not really that important.

I might post a full review sometime.
lurid/lucid

"I want to tear myself from this place, from this reality, rise up like a cloud and float away, melt into this humid summer night and dissolve somewhere far, over the hills. But I am here, my legs blocks of concrete, my lungs empty of air, my throat burning. There will be no floating away."

Khaled Hosseini

→ Refresh for a different picture
→ White FC: Haruka 0347 0171 1756


whoever disabled my signature:
my signature is not even close to 300px tall.
i dont understand why it was disabled.
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