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Old September 23rd, 2008 (5:25 PM). Edited September 23rd, 2008 by Vegeta™.
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Vegeta™ Vegeta™ is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: London, UK
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Nature: Adamant
Posts: 430
Nothing's left but illusions of friends just livin' it now paranoia startin' to kick in
I got no love from these cowards, there's no need to be friends
Beheading people whenever my name's mentioned
Revenge and fear is instilled in me
Deprived of sleep, my short dreams are real, at times my vision's are blurry
Draining away seems like all is lost, now I'm all worried
My mind often hangs low, so I pray to God to tell him I'm sorry
And to forgive me for my sins, sometimes he ignores me cause I'm a criminal
Nobody understands me because of the broken promises, im made cynical
I can't complain cause this is the life I chose
I have to be prepared to die, ready for my casket to close
Nothing but pain when I close my eyes and see
Lord help me save the peace for each and every brother on the streets
I'm tired of hearin' bodies on the streets, at peace
Ain't no justice in this cruel world
Even though we marked for death, this is my aim
Bring every soul closer to God til im clinicaclly insane
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  #2    
Old September 23rd, 2008 (6:32 PM).
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Glitter Stain Glitter Stain is offline
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Once again, don't add words that don't exist unless you're saying what someone said... otherwise you're just distracting from the poem without adding anything to it. Try to work on your organization... even if you want Free Verse, it can still be organized.
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