telepathic eevee

[1313666]

Chapter 1: The Start Of Something Special

Sunday, 5:30 pm
On a cold Autumn day, a boy was wandering, alone, with an Eevee for comfort, through the woods. "Where are we?" he asked his furry companion.<'Where are we?' How about you tell me? This was all your idea. I just came for a walk. YOU got us lost. YOU wouldn't take a map. Sheesh, Harrison.> "Yeah, blame me." the boy named Harrison said. "You talked so much, I almost ran into a tree, fell into a hole, and made myself wish I was dead." <It's a gift. Now shut your mouth, I smell food near.> "You said that an hour ago." whined the 12-year old. <It was a weedle with an attitude. It smelled like popcorn. My nose played tricks on me. What IS this smell,though? It smells like...steak. I can almost taste it, too.> "How do you know what steak tastes like?" <Remember that barbecue about a month ago? Remember the missing food? Well...> "Oh yeah. Mom was furious that year. But how did you steal 29 peices of chicken, 2 sirloins, AND 67 hot dogs and burgers? <It was like magic. I used Agility and grabbed them. They tasted burnt, though.> "Dad. He never was a good cook." Harrison recalled.

"What do you know? We talked ourselves right out of the woods. Let's head home. Good thing you told mom we went for a walk." <About that...> " Oh, man. Nice going." "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOUNG MAN?!" Harrison's mother ran out on the front porch of his house with a peice of paper. " She has the speech, so get comfortable." < How? We're in your driveway, whitch is more uncomfortable than, oh let's say, THE TIME YOU LEFT ME ON THE ROOF after helping your dad repair it.> "You always bring that up."Harrison hissed at his Eevee. "Bring what up?" his mother said, now within 2 feet of them. "Ummm, it was his fault!" Harrison said, not forgetting the pact he made never to tell her about that time. "Let's not point the finger or paw. We should start this because it's the extended version, and my favorite show is on in 2 minutes.Now boys," she started, looking at the paper," that was very irresponsible, blah, blah, never do it again, yack, yack, you're both grounded." <Way to go, bonehead. I had big plans to do something nice for you.> Eevee said. "Oh yeah? What?" Harrison asked while watching his mother run back to the house, tripping on the stairs to the porch. < I was going to TP your type advantage teacher's house.> " Well, I'll go take the blame, you go do that." Harrison started to run to the house, with Eevee right after him.


Monday, 3:00pm
Type Advantage class

"...and that concludes today's class. And to whoever TP'd my house: that is not a nice word you spelled in my tree." Mr. Miller, the TA teacher, finished his class with. Harrison stood up and went to wake up his friend, Tony. "Hmmmmm. 5 more minutes." he mumbled, his face still on the desk. "Okay, I'll go to Battle class alone." Harrison said, heading towards the door. "Battle class?!" Tony awoke with a startled expression. "Finally! I've waited all day for this! Now it's come! Yes!" Tony ran out of the room without his books, with the world's largest smile on and Harrison following.

3:05pm
Battle class

When they got to class, they sat on the floor, like the other 23 kids and waited. Everyone loved Battle class because it gave them a chance to show off their pokemon. They got to keep their pokemon out the entire time, like Friendship class, which was the second best class, next to Battle. While all of the pokemon were being let out, the teacher entered. It must have been a substitute, because noone recognized her. " Hello! My name is Mrs. Greene. Mr. N is ... sick today. While I am here, you will stay out of the storage, and be friendly to each other. Now, let's begin."

3:21pm
Battle class

<Is this over yet? I'm starving and I could use a nap.> Eevee yawned. "Lunch was 2 hours ago." harrison told him. "Now try to catch this." Then, Harrison threw a ball to Eevee, but it went right over his head. <I'll get it!>Eevee yelled. He followed the ball right into the storage room, which was open just enough. When Eevee went in, he screamed. <HARRISON! GET IN HERE!> Harrison jogged over to the room and gasped. "Mr. N! What did they do to you?" At that moment, all of the windows broke and Team Rocket members swarmed in, armed and dangerous.

[Frostweaver]

*just keeps pointing to the big BIG sticky saying READ FIRST*

I'm not going to even bother listing the common flaws in this fanfic...

[!~sammy~!]

its ok 1313666 i think your fanfic is entertaining, even though frostweaver is a perfectionist :p

[oni flygon]

Originally Posted by 1313666

Give me some credit on my first try. Man, I try one time...

And you could've read that stickied thread first before you could get credit from reviewers like Frostweaver and me...

[1313666]

well, I just spent hours fixing it. I hope it's better now.

[1313666]

Chapter 2: A Rocket To The Moon

3:21pm
Battle class

"Harrison, come see this! Hurry! Mrs. Greene works for --" Just then, Tony was cut off. Harrison ran out of the storage room, and stared at the sight before him. The other kids were running from hooded Rocket figures, trying to fight back. " Eevee, time to shine." Harrison told his friend. <Hold on. If I bite there, then... Yes! He's free! Here comes Mr.N!> Eevee shouted gleefully. Mr.N ran by Harrison's side. "Do you remember my classes?" He asked. Harrison nodded, and sent Eevee to battle. <You owe me a cheeseburger.> Eevee replied grumpily. "Iron Tail, now!" Harrison ordered. His pokemon's tail started glowing, and it hit 3 Rockets. "Go, Golbat! Air Cutter attack!" 6 Rockets yelled in unison. "Electabuzz, Thunder attack!" yelled Mr.N, throwing a red and white ball onto the ground. "Elec!!" Then, the room ran out of power and was illuminated by 3 bolts of thunder hitting the Golbats, cutting off the attacks. "We got what we wanted. Let's get out of here! shouted Mrs. Greene. The roof broke off, revealing an escape chopper, which let down ladders. When the Rockets left, Mr.N checked all of the valuables, and found the rental pokemon missing. "Follow me." he ordered his students.

4:03pm
Mr.N's house

"We must train hard to beat Team Rocket. They chose our school because we have the highest ratings around. Under this house are the world's best items for training. Follow me." Mr.N pulled on a wind chime, revealing stairs. The students followed him down. At the end, the children were amazed at what they saw. Gym equipment, items, snack bars, everything! <You owe me a cheeseburger.> Eevee reminded Harrison. "Yeah, I remember." he said. "Harrison, could you come here?" Mr.N called. Harrison walked over to him, while Eevee hit the snack bar. "This item I am giving you has a special power. It can evolve your Eevee to any of it's evolutions and back on your command. Try it." Harrison took the stone and whispered "Espeon." while looking at Eevee. It had instantly evolved to an Espeon!< ...make that a double cheeseburger, and...what? I have a forked tail now! That's a magic drink you made. Harrison, there was something in my cola. Help!> Harrison then said "Eevee." and it evolved back. < I'm seeing things. Bartender, cut me off the drinks. I still want that double cheeseburger, though.> " Harrison, keep that close, just in case. Johnny, bring your Onix here."Mr.N shouted, as Harrison walked towards the exit, with Eevee following and asking over and over again," Am I walking funny?>

4:45pm
Harrison's house

"Mom, I need some money!" Harrison yelled as he went in his house. "Why?" his mom asked. "I need pokeballs to catch pokemon to help stop Team Rocket from taking over the world." he told her casually. "Here's your dad's Machoke and $1000. Don't tell him and be back by 10:00 ." Harrison added the pokeball to his belt, took the money and left for the grass.

4:50pm
Tall Grass

<Spiderman completely beats Batman. End of story.> Eevee argued. "It's a Raticate. Eevee, Shadow Ball." When the attack hit, Harrison took it to the Pokemon Center, then ran to the PokeMart and bought the pokeballs. When he got to the Center, he explained the story to Raticate. "This little monster attacked you, and I saved you. Will you join me to stop Team Rocket?" <Blame it on me again, and I'll eat your homework for the next 5 years.> Eevee said, while Raticate nodded in agreement. "Harrison?" a voice asked on the monitor phone. "It's me, Mr.N. Team Rocket is going to launch a beam from the moon that will attract all wild pokemon to the Rocket base. We have a limited amount of time. Keep catching while I get more information. Eevee, you owe the snack bar $2000." < I put it on your tab!> Eevee yelled at the monitor, which was now off.

5:05pm
Tony's house

"I caught a Dragonair and a Pupitar. What about you?" Tony asked Harrison after trying to form a plan. "My mom gave me my dad's Machoke and I caught a Raticate. I keep on thinking about the other kids, though. What did they catch that would help us? < Katie caught a Graveler.> Tony's Ekans said. The reason they met is because of their pokemon. They had argued at a school dance over a soda. They have all been friends since. <Cody also got his brother's Ursaring, Primeape, and Kingdra.> added Eevee. "Well, we should gather in that room under Mr.N's house and see what we have. We should notify everyone, and gather our pokemon. Let's get started." Harrison said. Everyone went outside and spread out to tell everyone.

[1313666]

Chapter 3

there is none until someone posts!!!!!!!!

[Frostweaver]

Well...

-paragraphing is still a major issue... don't cry to cram everything just to make it one paragraph for every "entry." Use a new paragraph whenever there's a new speaker in a dialogue

-is it me or is there a narrator? Seems like everything is explained by dialogues that it's just a script-fic with punctuations.

-details... you can't have too little of that

-um... I'm still so confused about the story plot x_x; especially the characters

[1313666]

Originally Posted by 1313666

Chapter 3

there is none until someone posts!!!!!!!!

When I put this, I meant an encouraging response.

[Frostweaver]

I can't exactly be like everyone else and say those "oh that this is such an awesome fanfic keep on writing" junk, or was I... expected to say that?

No point in a "review" without why something is good / why something is bad, and what needs to be further worked on. Since almost everyone else besides Oni and MCD says those good yet not much reasoning stuff anyway, I'll stick to saying all the uglies =)

And while we're at it, instead of complaining why I'm saying these "negative comments," why don't you wonder about how to outwit me by writing a brilliant next chapter so I got absolutely nothing to complain about? Road to Palantria and Fallen White did do that you know. Learn a thing or two from them.

[1313666]

Since you're here... *Takes out sledgehammer from Hit A Member With Anything game* Oh, I forgot you're a Moderator. *Puts it back*