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  #1    
Old June 1st, 2009 (11:15 PM). Edited August 5th, 2009 by Feign.
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Rated 15+ for mature themes including

some profanity, and violence


Table of Contents:


Prologue - Pg 1
Chapter 1 - A good Start Pg 2
Chapter 2 - The gift *tentative title - currently in writing*



-Prologue-



Aura Guardians are those who possess a special ability to control spiritual energy. They tend to travel the world, selflessly helping others whenever possible. Thus it would only seem natural that Jericho Vincere would be inclined to join. Being successful in training, he progressed over the years and honed his skills, eventually becoming one of the Aura Guardian’s top students.

However, his mastery of Aura did not stop there; he decided to research other forms of Aura, and its various forms. It was not long until he discovered “shadow aura”. Attempting to hone its power, it corrupted his mind, and ultimately began to affect him negatively.

Believing his power to be superior, he attempted to persuade those who would ally with him and slaughter those who stood in his way. Thus creating an army of shadow Pokémon, Jericho lead his charge in seizing control of the world.

Attempting to stop him once and for all however, the Aura Guardians waged their war against the once gifted student. Having not realized the extent of his power, the battle culminated with thousands of casualties, as no one was able to stop him.

It was not until a rather successful and unprecedented win by the Aura Guardians, that the tide of the war began to change; to which the remaining Aura Guardians had sacrificed for. Finally coming into confrontation with Jericho, the Aura Guardians, having not seen him for years, were surprised to see his ethereal body. His research had gone to the extent of corrupting his own form. Thus attempting to fight him came to little success as he was unscathed by any attack. Having no other options, the Aura Guardians created a chamber underneath the desolate land with their own Aura, and the aid of their Pokémon, and managed to seal him in it, with the use of his own shadow Aura. Knowing he could not die, the Guardians had at least prevented his mass war.

Fearing his return, however possible, the Aura Guardians purposely neglected to record details of their win, so to prevent those in the future from finding him. Only one copy of the true events was made, and this was in possession of the King and Queen. Thus over the next few hundred years, the war became legend and the legend became a myth, before it lost its meaning entirely, and is now told as a fictional children’s story.

***
500 years later

“My patience wears thin. Now, where is he?” An unfaltering voice spoke, in the shadows.

“Go to hell, traitor!” Another spoke in a dignified and yet empty voice.

“Jolteon, I think our friend needs some more convincing.” The first said, turning around to his Pokémon.

“Oh God no, please not again...” The other man said, pleadingly, trying to get out of his restraints, but it was impossible.

A great flash of light could be seen as Jolteon let out its thunderbolt attack. A trainer could quickly recognize it as being a powerful attack, as clearly the man receiving the attack was in a great deal of pain, yelling in agony. Suddenly, the man stopped yelling, the first man, told his Jolteon to stop, and the other man slumped in his chair. He was clearly dead. The Jolteon clearly noticed this too, and recoiled for its accidental over-zealousness, but its master took no notice.

“No matter... He was not proving to be useful anyway.” The man concluded, staring in the dead man’s vacant eyes. “Come Jolteon. Other business beckons us.”

The man left the crudely fashioned cell, his Jolteon following behind him.

***

“Will that be everything for you today sir?” A waitress asked, handing a coffee to her client.

“No, just the coffee is fine.” He responded.

“And your Jolteon, sir?” The waitress asked for good measure.

“No thanks, he’ll be fine.” The man said, looking at his Jolteon in the chair opposite.

The waitress left, leaving the man to his coffee and his thoughts. He was to meet a woman at 11 am; she was going to help him on his quest to find that location. He came early for good measure, but also because he enjoyed the restaurant’s coffee.

Suddenly a shadow loomed over him, and he turned around. He saw a tall woman looking down at him. She was wearing a rather peculiar black cloak. He gave a small nod, recalled his Jolteon to its Pokeball, and motioned the woman, to the now empty seat across from him. She moved with intent, sitting down, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

“I had assumed that our meeting would be more private.” She said sharply.

“Nonsense, the coffee is great here,” He said smiling. “Did you want any?”

“No, I will pass.” She said simply.

“Your loss,” He laughed. “Now what information did you have for me?”

“My Sisters have narrowed down a location, which emanates a strange Aura. A rather strange Aura located deep in the ground in Floaroma Town.”

“Good good, I’ll take the necessary measures, to secure the location, in the meantime, I shall pay you and your kind... in kind.” He said, handing her an envelope.

The cloaked woman, looked down at the envelope, and flipped through its contents.

“We shall meet two days from this day in the location specified.” She said simply standing up from her chair.

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” He said, standing up from his chair, leaving some coins for the cost of the coffee, and a tip. “We should be prepared soon.”

They both left the restaurant in their different directions; the man smiling, as his plan was coming into fruition.
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  #2    
Old June 3rd, 2009 (04:14 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Feign:
I have marked the things I found wrong.


Rated 15+ for mature themes including

some profanity, and violence


Table of Contents:


Prologue - Pg 1
Chapter 1 - Ash & Co Unnamed chapter -Pg 2 (in progress)



-Prologue-



Aura Guardians are those who possess a special ability to control spiritual energy. They tend to travel the world, selflessly helping others whenever possible. Thus it would only seem natural that Jericho Vincere would be inclined to join. Being successful in training, he progressed over the years and honed his skills, eventually becoming one of the Aura Guardian’s top students.

However, his mastery of Aura did not stop there; he decided to research other forms of Aura, and its various forms. It was not long until he discovered “shadow aura”. Attempting to hone its power, it corrupted his mind, and ultimately began to affect him negatively.

Believing his power to be superior, he attempted to persuade those who would ally with him and slaughter those who stood in his way. Thus creating an army of shadow Pokémon, Jericho lead his charge in seizing control of the world.

Attempting to stop him once and for all however, the Aura Guardians waged their war against the once gifted student. Having not realized the extent of his power, the battle culminated with thousands of casualties. As no one was able to stop him. I think this is a fragment. Better redo this sentence.

It was not until a rather successful and unprecedented win by the Aura Guardians, that the tide of the war began to change. To which the remaining Aura Guardians had sacrificed for. Finally coming into confrontation with Jericho, the Aura Guardians, having not seen him for years, were surprised to see his ethereal body. His research had gone to the extent of corrupting his own form. Thus attempting to fight him came to little success as he was unscathed by any attack. Having no other options, the Aura Guardians created a chamber underneath the desolate land with their own Aura, and the aid of their Pokémon, and managed to seal him in it, with the use of his own shadow Aura. Knowing he could not die, the Guardians had at least prevented his mass war.

Fearing his return, however possible, the Aura Guardians purposely neglected to record details of their win, so to prevent those in the future from finding him. Only one copy of the true events was made, and this was in possession of the King and Queen. Thus over the next few hundred years, the war became legend and the legend became a myth, before it lost its meaning entirely, and is now told as a fictional children’s story.

***
500 years later

“My patience wears thin. Now, where is he?” An unfaltering voice spoke, in the shadows.

Go to hell ,traitor!” Another spoke in a dignified and yet empty voice.

“Jolteon, I think our friend needs some more convincing.” The first said, turning around to his Pokémon.

“Oh God no, please not again...” The other man said, pleadingly, trying to get out of his restraints, but it was impossible.

A great flash of light could be seen as Jolteon let out its thunderbolt attack. A trainer could quickly recognize it as being a powerful attack, as clearly the man receiving the attack was in a great deal of pain, yelling in agony. Suddenly, the man stopped yelling, the first man, told his Jolteon to stop, and the other man slumped in his chair. He was clearly dead. The Jolteon clearly noticed this too, and recoiled for its accidental over- zealousness, but its master took no notice.

“No matter... He was not proving to be useful anyway.” The man concluded, staring in the dead man’s vacant eyes. “Come Jolteon. Other business beckons us.”

The man left the crudely fashioned cell, his Jolteon following behind him.

***

“Will that be everything for you today sir?” A waitress asked, handing a coffee to her client.

“No, just the coffee is fine.” He responded.

“And your Jolteon, sir?” The waitress asked for good measure.

“No thanks, he’ll be fine.” The man said, looking at his Jolteon in the opposite chair.

The waitress left, leaving the man to his coffee and his thoughts. He was to meet a woman at 11 am; she was going to help him on his quest to find that location. He came early for good measure, but also because he enjoyed the restaurant’s coffee.

Suddenly a shadow loomed over him, and he turned around. He saw a tall woman looking down at him. She was wearing a rather peculiar black cloak. He gave a small nod, recalled his Jolteon to its Pokeball, and motioned the woman, to the now empty seat across from him. She moved with intent, sitting down, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

“I had assumed that our meeting would be more private.” She said sharply.

“Nonsense, the coffee is great here,” He said smiling. “Did you want any?”

“No I will pass.” She said simply.

“Your loss,” He laughed. “Now what information did you have for me?”

“My Sisters have narrowed down a location, which emanates a strange Aura. A rather strange Aura located deep in the ground in Floaroma Town.”

“Good good, I’ll take the necessary measures, to secure the location, in the meantime, I shall pay you and your kind... in kind.” He said, handing her an envelope.

The cloaked woman, looked down at the envelope, and flipped through its contents.

“We shall meet two days from this day in the location specified.” She said simply standing up from her chair.

“Okay, sounds like a plan.” He said, standing up from his chair, leaving some coins for the cost of the coffee, and a tip. “We should be prepared soon.”

They both left the restaurant in their different directions; the man smiling, as his plan was coming into fruition.

I tries my best to help you. Hope I really helped!
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  #3    
Old June 3rd, 2009 (05:13 PM).
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Thank you very much for your help

Btw, if anyone is confused now, that's okay The story has to continue (especially once I get back from my vacation). But I hope you guys will like my interpretation of Aura.
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  #4    
Old June 26th, 2009 (09:07 PM).
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This is a very gripping first chapter and prologue. You managed to captivate me from the very beginning. You're quite skillful at building suspense and the art of subtlety (eg. showing the reader that the man at the restaurant was the same as the torturer with a Jolteon as a common connection).

Quote originally posted by Feign:
A great flash of light could be seen as Jolteon let out its thunderbolt attack. A trainer could quickly recognize it as being a powerful attack, as clearly the man receiving the attack was in a great deal of pain, yelling in agony.
My uncle's a bit of a psychology nut, and he's taught me a bit about body language, and I think it could be really useful here. Rather than just saying he was in pain, you could note how his face convulsed in an ugly manner, or how his eyes screwed tightly shut in a feeble attempt to try to block everything out. Just a suggestion.

I eagerly await your next chapter.
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Old June 26th, 2009 (09:20 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Citrinin:
This is a very gripping first chapter and prologue. You managed to captivate me from the very beginning. You're quite skillful at building suspense and the art of subtlety (eg. showing the reader that the man at the restaurant was the same as the torturer with a Jolteon as a common connection).


My uncle's a bit of a psychology nut, and he's taught me a bit about body language, and I think it could be really useful here. Rather than just saying he was in pain, you could note how his face convulsed in an ugly manner, or how his eyes screwed tightly shut in a feeble attempt to try to block everything out. Just a suggestion.

I eagerly await your next chapter.
Hmmm very interesting, thanks I'll definitely take that into account in the future. Though I don't think it to be prevalent much in the next chapter, as it will probably be somewhat akin to the anime.

I know some people are not the anime types, so I'll try to keep this intro part simple, as after that it will divulge into a darker matter etc. (no spoilers ftw XD).

I do very much enjoy using subtlety and foreshadowing. The same goes with the setting, I don't like describing it out right, but like to bring it in, if it is important, or if it has to do with a Pathetic Fallacy.

Funnily enough, I wouldn't be surprised if it was R. L. Stein that got me into the whole 'cliffhanger chapter end', as he seems to do with each chapter (whichever the length).

I hope to get my next chapter up in less than a month I hope, though I would prefer to get 2 chapters up. As the 2nd chapter won't have that much excitement, it is only a build-up of sorts.

EDIT: Actually, I had planned this earlier, but to help keep it interesting, I did want to have flash backs happen periodically to further explain the past of which I introduced.
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  #6    
Old June 26th, 2009 (09:25 PM).
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For your second chapter, if it's not that exciting, I recommend a lot of foreshadowing (if you have a good idea of the story in your head). From personal experience, when I ever read a book that has a bit of a boring chapter, it's made up for if later in the book I'll come to a sudden realisation of "oh - that's why the author did that at the start!"
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  #7    
Old July 22nd, 2009 (12:33 PM).
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I only found one thing that crobatdeluxe missed
Quote originally posted by Feign:
“No I will pass.”
It should be "No, I will pass", i think
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  #8    
Old July 22nd, 2009 (12:59 PM).
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Thanks for the catch I hope you enjoyed it thus far. I hope to no longer neglect writing the next chapter, as I've promised Citrinin to begin writing the first chapter XD
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  #9    
Old July 24th, 2009 (09:49 AM).
Dragax67
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I really like this story!
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  #10    
Old July 25th, 2009 (02:37 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Feign:
To which the remaining Aura Guardians had sacrificed for.
That's the only error/fragment/confusing bit that I found that others don't seem to have...
KEEP WRITING!!! THIS IS GOOD!!!
Thanks, Microsoft Pich_u.

XD
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  #11    
Old July 25th, 2009 (02:53 PM).
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Thanks I hope to have the next chapter up within this week. So hopefully I will have it up soon (I've already started it too).
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  #12    
Old July 31st, 2009 (04:09 PM). Edited December 15th, 2009 by Feign.
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Note: Unless otherwise noted, the past will refer to the 500 years past as referred in the prologue.

Chapter one: A Good Start

The Past

Jericho Vincere woke up with a start, it was only until after he opened his eyes, he realized where he was. He had recently accepted the invitation to become an Aura Guardian. He was 8 years old, and anxious, he had never left his parents for more than three days, but this... this seemed unbearable. His family was proud of him though, having an Aura Guardian in the family. He did not understand the significance of it yet, but it wouldn’t take long until he would become proud of who he was.

“Children,” The Aura Teacher called out. “I have a special guest for you today, he is one of the Aura Guardians' wisest members, be sure to pay attention to what he says, as there might be a quiz on it later.”

There were some groans and cheers in the classroom; while, it was nice that they could stray from the monotony of regular classes, on the other hand a quiz didn’t sound that appealing. The bickering stopped however when a man stepped through the door.

He looked around at the classroom with a stern look, the kids too stared back at him, their mouths open. He was a burly man with brown hair and brown eyes, he wore the usual blue robe adorned by Aura users at the school and the look befitted him. It was their teacher who broke the silence finally.

“Class this is Kyle Herald, he will be talking about the relationship with his Pokémon and its importance not only in Aura, but as a friendship and team as well.” She said.

“Thank you Madame Delany,” He said, in a calm yet deep voice. “Yes, the relationship with one’s Pokémon is a vastly important part in becoming an Aura Guardian. We rely on them, as much as they rely on us. Because of this not only is teamwork important, but the friendship gained from it.”

Suddenly, he turned his head towards the open door and in swooped in a Pokémon. It landed next to him and he stroked its head. Some children were able to recognize it others gasped in awe, but it was Jericho that made the discovery known.

“That’s a Togekiss!” He yelled standing up amidst the rest of the class.

The man smiled, then spoke. “What is your name?” He asked.

“Uh... um Jericho Vincere, but my friends call me Jerry.” Jericho said, hoping to gain some kind of favour with the man, sitting back down.

“Well you are correct Jericho, this is a Togekiss, and we’ve been together since I was ten years old,” He commented. “Her name is Aerius.”

Thus the discussion continued between the class and the Aura Guardian.

*

When the discussion was finished, the class went to their dormitories, as it was now the end of the day’s teachings. Jericho’s whole class was in deep discussion over the day’s events. They all began to imagine themselves with their own Pokémon. Though they knew they wouldn’t be able to receive theirs until they were 10 years old.

That night Jericho had a dream, he was running alongside his Pokémon. When he looked at it, he merely saw a dark figure, a shadow, as though it was a temporary replacement for his unknown Pokémon. He was happy.

***
The Present

“Come on guys, we’re almost there!” Dawn yelled excitedly to her companions.

“That can’t be right,” Commented Brock, pulling out his trusty map of the Sinnoh region. “We still have a whole days worth of walking, to get there.”

“Ohhhh, but my feet hurt.” Whined Ash, his Pikachu following right behind him.

Ash, Dawn and Brock had just left Jubilife City in the morning, and were making their way to Floaroma Town. It was a nice calm day, nearly cloudless and the wind blew every so often. It was to no one’s surprise that the day’s weather seemed to reflect in Dawn. She wanted to participate in the town’s Pokémon contest, and was obviously pretty excited about it. However, travelling for a good part of the day, Brock and Ash began to feel the strain; not to mention that the sun was now beginning to set.

“Well we’ve still got to hurry.” Dawn continued.

“Dawn, it’s getting pretty late, I’ve found a good spot to stay the night on the map, we can head there and sleep the night.” Brock pointed out.

“Fine, but we better not be late for the contest tomorrow.” She said defiantly.

So they travelled a little further until they came across Brock’s spot that he had mentioned. Surveying the area, they found a stream and surrounding them were some evergreens, perfect in keeping the wind at bay.

“Okay, now who wants some supper!?” Brock exclaimed, whipping out his cooking dishes.

“I do I do I do!” Both Ash and Dawn answered back. And without further thought they all let out their Pokémon. Ash sent out his Turtwig and Starly, while Dawn sent out her Piplup, Buneary and Pachirisu and Brock his Bonsly and Croagunk.

“Well you know the drill, everyone help out so we can get this show on the road!” Brock declared.

Immediately the whole gang began to pitch in. From getting the food ready, to preparing a place to sleep, in no time they were ready.

“Hey Ash, can you fill this jug of water at the stream too?” Asked Brock, handing Ash, a rather large jug.

“Yeah... Sure.” Ash said, though he wished he didn’t have to do any more work.

The stream was about a five minute walk, and seeing as his Pokémon were hungry let them stay there to begin eating, while he went off to get the jug filled. His stomach growled as he walked towards the stream but he ignored it, as he knew he was going to eat soon. Finally seeing the stream, he bent on one knee and placed the jug in the water.

Ash was not alone however, across the stream Team Rocket had just set down for the night. They had just seen Ash and were now hiding behind the brush.

“Hey it’s da Twerp!” Meowth said, declaring the obvious.

“And where the Twerp is...” Began James.

“We’ll find the Pikachu!” Jesse finished.

Quite suddenly a rumbling could be felt in the ground.

“An Earthquake?” Ash thought, trying to stabilize himself.

No sooner had it occurred that it stopped. With the jug filled, Ash got up to go back to his friends, and perhaps find out if they knew what happened.

As he got up however, four Alakazams teleported around him, blocking his way.

“Wha?!” Ash said with little reaction.

Before he knew it, they grabbed him and teleported again. Reappearing and disoriented, Ash knew he had ended up somewhere else. He heard a voice.

“Good, now hypnotize him and let’s get the hell out of here.”

The Alakazams complied and Ash was suddenly encumbered by sleep, the last thing he saw were the giant beady eyes of a Jolteon.


-----------


I'm sorry it's short, the next chapter shall be longer, as it will also be more interesting.


Thanks for reading.
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  #13    
Old July 31st, 2009 (04:24 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Feign:
invitation to becoming an Aura Guardian
Either change to "invitation to become an Aura Guardian" (infinitive) or "invitation for becoming an Aura Guardian" (gerund). You can't have it both ways. XDD;

Quote originally posted by Feign:
he is one of the Aura Guardians wisest members
Should be "he is one of the Aura Guardians' wisest members".

Quote originally posted by Feign:
There were some groans and cheers in the classroom, it was nice that they could stray from the monotony of regular classes, on the other hand a quiz didn’t sound that appealing.
This sentence seems a bit awkward. One way I can think of making it less awkward is "There were some groans and cheers in the classroom: while it was nice that they could stray from the monotony of regular classes, on the other hand a quiz didn’t sound that appealing."

Quote originally posted by Feign:
starred back at him
Should be "stared back at him".

As for the story, it is just an introduction, so it's harder to comment. However, it was definitely a nice cliffhanger at the end. :) I'm looking forward to reading more. ^.^
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Old July 31st, 2009 (04:30 PM).
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Thanks all fixed up.

Yeah I would have added more about the past, but I find that would just become redundant, and I'd rather move forward.
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Old July 31st, 2009 (04:31 PM).
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I agree. I think it's better to be short than long and full of filler. ^^

You're welcome. :D
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  #16    
Old July 31st, 2009 (06:06 PM).
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this is very good can't wait till the next chapter
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Old July 31st, 2009 (09:48 PM).
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Thanks

I'll point out too, that both the past and present will be a lot more interesting. I find it funny too though that I managed to include some anime subtleties with the present portion. Thought subtle it can keep the mood aloof, especially now, considering Ash has pretty much been kidnapped. I think people by now might get an inkling, as to why.
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Old July 31st, 2009 (10:19 PM).
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Hmm, this is really good. I can't wait for more. I guess you're going for quality over quantity aren't you. Opposite of my fic in which I like to write long chapters full of filler that may or may not include chekov's guns. But I think you already know that, don't you Feign.

I'll give a proper review if I find anything wrong, other than that, perfect.
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Old August 1st, 2009 (08:10 PM).
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With this next chapter I'll attempt to head for both, as I will be introducing some new ideas, plots and of course twists. After all, this isn't going to be your regular "Ash can get out of this one" Pokemon movie XD

Not to mention the violent nature that the guy with the Joleon has (no he is not going to have a name).
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