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  #1    
Old October 9th, 2004 (06:37 PM).
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Midori Chi Midori Chi is offline
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Summer is the time for kids to play,
for staying up almost everyday.
Fall is for going back to school,
and the most kids think that this part is cruel.
Winter is for wearing jeans and long sleeves,
and most of the trees lose all their leaves.
Spring is time for happy and joy,
and no more school...Oh boy! Oh boy!
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  #2    
Old October 9th, 2004 (06:59 PM).
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Legendary_Pokegirl Legendary_Pokegirl is offline
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Could use a little bit of work, but its a good start. I'm sure you'll improve once you start doing more work. Poetry is very hard to write, and needs some concentration. Keep on trying.
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  #3    
Old October 9th, 2004 (07:33 PM).
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hey! really cool poem! I agree with legendary_pokegirl, a little more concentration and is perfect!
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  #4    
Old October 9th, 2004 (08:09 PM).
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I was never a fan of rhymes so my opinion is biased, but, in general the poem is very rudimentary. A good bit more thought and length would most definitely improve the piece. Trees lose foilage in fall rather than winter, and in a temperate climate, one begins wearing long pants and sweaters in autumn as well. Happy should be replaced with "happiness" as one cannot happy. In the second verse, "staying up..." just ends without any more thought. What is summer for? Why are you staying up? To when? Adverbs, infinitives, something along those lines. I really do not like the "Oh boy, oh boy" bit... I think you might be able to replace that with something more... Overall, these are just my opinions, and as always, please pardon my constructive critisism. I honestly mean no harm.
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  #5    
Old October 24th, 2004 (01:28 PM).
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Midori Chi Midori Chi is offline
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Yeah...I just made this one night,not even thinking of how I wrote it. When I was typing this poem down,I thought,"This poem needs some help" So...I'm thinking of fixing it a little bit by taking out a few words and putting new ones in...

P.S. Legendary Pokegirl,I didn't know you liked Inyuyasha!
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  #6    
Old October 24th, 2004 (01:50 PM).
Kelsey Kelsey is offline
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LOL, this poem was very bouncy, I liked it! Perhaps the third line from the top could use some fixing, it just sounds a bit choppy to me, but otherwise I like it! 9/10

~Kelsey
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  #7    
Old October 24th, 2004 (03:13 PM).
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Midori Chi Midori Chi is offline
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Ya mean the part about Summer? Well...I'll think about it...(hee hee! There's another Inyuyasha fan here!)
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  #8    
Old October 26th, 2004 (07:09 PM).
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I think it's a cute little rhyme. It's easy to remember for kids, anyway.
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  #9    
Old October 27th, 2004 (03:48 PM).
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Midori Chi Midori Chi is offline
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ooc:Yeah,really!...I DID mention this about kids now didn't I? Ha!
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