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  #1    
Old October 24th, 2009, 03:16 PM
Pokemon Team Mars' Revenge's Avatar
Pokemon Team Mars' Revenge
I LIEK ESPLOSHINS!
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Gender: Male
Nature: Hasty
REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT A HACK!!! ALL COMMENTS SAYING "nice hack" OR "what hack is it?" WILL BE MARKED AS SPAM!
TOOLS USED: RPG MAKER XP, POKEMON STARTER PACK
POKEMON STONE
GREY
STORYLINE:
1,000,000,000 YEARS EARLIER...
A legendary battle was underway. 2 Pokemon, Darkius and Lightusus were rampaging destroying each other and everything in sight. Then another legendary pokemon came and stopped the fighting. It's name was Dous.
(pronounced DO-US) It came and calmed them down and they all went into a deep, deep sleep....... But soon to be awakened...

1,000,000,00 YEARS LATER...
You walk outside and take a deep breath. It's time to get your Pokemon.
You go to the lab. PROF. MOSS is there. He offers you A, aquee, B, flamespout, and C, razee. Meanwhile, TEAM GALACTIC is off planning more trouble, but this time with darkus and lightus. They build a ultra master ball to capture Darkius and Lightusus(because masterballs can't catch em'.

Wanna help?
Got to the thread in team discussions.


Last edited by Pokemon Team Mars' Revenge; October 25th, 2009 at 05:33 AM. Reason: Editing
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  #2    
Old October 24th, 2009, 04:28 PM
Chesu's Avatar
Chesu
Boss Carrot
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Where The Carrots Be
Nature: Relaxed
Is that one billion years and you missed the last zero, or one hundred million and you misplaced the commas? The names Darkus and Lightus are a little too obvious, but if you change them you'll have a solid base to build your story on! If you're looking for team members, you should post here.
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  #3    
Old October 24th, 2009, 07:30 PM
Death Strike's Avatar
Death Strike
a.k.a Minions123
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Somewhere...
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Nature: Docile
I like the idea of how you are using fakemon, I like the story so far, but could you add some more of the plot to make it more interesting, also, why is it called Stone Grey?
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  #4    
Old October 24th, 2009, 07:44 PM
.Missingno's Avatar
.Missingno
Viridian City Gym Leader
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Imagi-Nation
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
I Like How The Plot Is Coming Together The Name has Me A little confused if the Fakemon come out good i give you major props
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  #5    
Old October 25th, 2009, 05:09 AM
Gale
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: UK
Nature: Relaxed
In "1,000,000,00", you need to rearrange the commas. The correct punctuation would be "100,000,000" or "100 000 000".

You don't need to establish that this is not a hack if you're posting it in the game development section, we have another section for hacks.

The names "Darkus" and "Lightus" are, as has already been stated, a bit too obvious - and not terribly original. Try being a little more subtle and creative.

The story of your legendary pokémon sounds exactly like the story of Kyogre, Groudon and Rayquaza. Again, try to be a little more original.

What exactly is a "yectocomplaflaticziptomizerblaster"? It sounds like you just pulled all those prefixes out of a hat, rather than choosing ones which actually make logical sense. It's very difficult to pronounce and it's too long. Something more simple would suffice.

By the way, a little more information would be nice - for example, more detail on your story (though I have a terrible feeling that it's going to be exactly like the story of the official games, and/or that you're making it up as you go along), as well as on the unique features that you plan to incorporate into your game.
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  #6    
Old October 25th, 2009, 09:46 AM
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Lucerine
Nobody
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Age: 18
Try these legendary Fakemon names: Hikara, and Kuraia. They're Light and Dark in japanese. Other than that, good job!
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  #7    
Old October 28th, 2009, 12:10 PM
Pokemon Team Mars' Revenge's Avatar
Pokemon Team Mars' Revenge
I LIEK ESPLOSHINS!
 
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Nature: Hasty
ಠ_ಠthis is edward, the rival.
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  #8    
Old October 28th, 2009, 12:28 PM
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Ray Maverick
life without liberty; body without spirit
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I think you really need to add something to the storyline. Think about it.
And the legendary battle bit sounds cliche..
Keep up though.
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  #9    
Old November 1st, 2009, 09:02 AM
chimcharsfireworks's Avatar
chimcharsfireworks
Lennetto Region Champion
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: United States of America
Gender: Male
Can i make a suggestion?

You might want to change Dous's name or pronounciation. It sounds like "do us".
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