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  #1    
Old November 14th, 2003, 07:01 PM
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chapter 3 isnt done yet...
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Chapter 1

"Blaziken, maybe we should stand down. The rest of the army has been held back by the hail. To intervene in a battle between General Sceptile and Lieutenant Marshstomp alone is suicide!" exclaimed Private Magcargo.
"Mag, it is my duty. The three armies that will stand on this battlefield today have gotten here holding their beliefs of power. Our army, The Army of the Firestorm, has fought with the belief of democracy. The Army of the Green Leaf and The Army of the Crabhammer have beliefs of a communist world. We are unique. I will fight for the rights of the people!" I explained, being the General.
Suddenly, Heavy Artillery Expert Donphan broke into our little shelter to come help us.
"You made it!" said Magcargo.
"Yes, but it will take the rest of the army at least another half a day to get here. In that half a day, the battle can be over and the winning army can be preparing to ambush our troops. I don't know how but something must be done. I recommend sending Blaziken and I out into the field," said Donphan.
"So be it," I said softly yet sternly.

Chapter 2

"Here is the plan. Unfortunatly, we are closer to General Marshstomp, so we may have a harder time with them. I will need you, Donphan, as something to ride on. It will benefit the both of us. Because we are so outnumbered, we're just going to have to go out and start blind firing. Magcargo, stay here, and signal us when the army come, if we are still around," said Blaziken.
"Let's move out!" exclaimed Donphan.
I hopped onto Donphan's back and we charged into battle. A mix of Marshstomp's and Sceptile's forces clashed on the middle of the torn up battlefield. We ran into the side with the clattered troops of Marshstomp. Donphan charged and impaled the jewel of a Starmie, as I immolated a rookie Golduck. Out of nowhere, the long, slender tail of a raging Milotic tore me from Donphan. Blood. I was bleeding. Yet blood thesedays is as common as the fresh scent of white plum. I drove myself to get up, and charged at Milotic with a fierce Double Blaze Kick. As I stood behind the towering Milotic, it collasped. Its face was burnt and toasted, its skin seared with flame.
"Let the power of the Firestorm live on!" I shrieked.
I got back on Donphan. As we passed, slashed, and seared the units we passes, Sceptile's units began to flood into the clutter of water forces. Lieutenant Crawdaunt, an old veteran in the war, charged in with a piercing claw, known only as the Crabhammer. Donphan charged at a nearby Wailrein, knocking him out with his hard head. Apparently, Marshtomp's forces were the most numerous of the three armies, so I concentrated on them rather than Sceptile's. I used a technique called Blaze Gun, where I enflamed my fingers and shot flames like a gun. I shot three times. One time, impaling a Pelipepper, another time, causing an explosion using the oil kept in the tail kept in the tail of an Azumarill, and the last as a flare. At that moment, Donphan was bitten by a Sharpedo. The Sharpedo penetrated Donphan's armor. Donphan began to wriggle quickly, causing the teeth to break off and implant into his soft skin, which was no longer protected by a hard shell.
"Come on Donphan, you must get up."
"I cannot. The dark powers of the Sharpedo are keeping me pinned. Or it could be the immense pain."
"This is no time for facetious remarks. We must-"
Out of the clear blue, an ancient Relincath used Blizzard on my injured comrade. He had become frozen. I knew he was dead, and I couldn't bring him back. My rage was at its max now. I couldn't hold on, and let go.
"Overheat!!!"
I let out an explosion of flame, leaving only a crater and my fatigued body.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
chapter 3 comin soon!!!
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  #2    
Old November 15th, 2003, 08:14 AM
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very! very intereting! this is my kind of fanfic!
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  #3    
Old November 15th, 2003, 11:37 AM
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Sleek
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thank you, ill post chapter 3-4 either tomorrow or the next day!
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  #4    
Old November 15th, 2003, 03:10 PM
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hmm... some few minor errors. I recomend to make your chapters a bit longer. And try to seperate quotes from paragraphs so that it would more easier to read.

oh yeah, you may have gotten the age wrong.

G - general. No swearing no violence. aka Anime-ish strereo type.
PG - Shipping, mild swearing. Mild Violence.
PG-13 - Cursing, cussing, swearing etc. Violence ie. Blood, gore. trippy shipping evidences.
R - Absolute Freedom of writing.
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  #5    
Old November 15th, 2003, 07:55 PM
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Your fan-fic is really nice too.

Chapter 1 was more like a prelude then a chapter, but still really good anyway, the way I see things, as long as the chapters aren't that long, its not so bad if the lines aren't spaced.

Great job, I hope to see more!
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  #6    
Old November 20th, 2003, 03:42 AM
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ah yes, constructive criticism, i dont mind...*thinks to self, "i'll kill u, i'll kill u all!!!"* yes, but oni flygon, i can rate it what i want to cuz this aint a movie, therefore the age range i gave was fine
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