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Old April 7th, 2010 (06:32 AM). Edited April 8th, 2010 by Silawen.
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Silawen Silawen is offline
 
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Disclaimer: I do not own pokémon or any of its related enterprises. They are the property of their respective owners. The first five chapters were beta'd by the amazing Farla. (Yes, that Farla.)

Author's Note: I started this story back in 2005 and have been working on it, albeit slowly, ever since. My aim was to create a fun and realistic story that centred around an OT. I don't know if I succeeded, but it's been a fun ride so far. I'll be adding the finished chapters gradually. You'll notice that they improve drastically as we go along - though all chapters have been extensively edited - but they could always be better, so I appreciate comments.

Should you be interested in reading the other chapters, you can find them at a certain other big forum that starts with an S. : P Thanks, all!

-------


Chapter One: No Questions Asked.



The soft sound of footsteps made its way across the path, voices following suit. Two figures moved under the scorching sun, both talking avidly and obviously disagreeing over something. One was male, tall and lean, the other female, much younger and a lot shorter. They were closely followed by a rattata, the thing desperately trying to grab onto the hem of the male’s coat. The man, looking about twenty, glanced down at it and laughed at the critter’s attempts before reaching down and allowing the rattata to climb onto his shoulder.

The argument continued, with comments thrown back and forth but nothing particularly informative. The rattata tried paying attention to what its owner was doing, but soon sleep seemed just as interesting and it closed its eyes. Seconds later it could be heard snoring quietly.

Nothing could keep it awake, not even the buzzing of life around them. Pidgey could be seen flitting through the trees, striking up conversation with each other and occasionally swerving out of the way of a stray branch. Bugs, sprawled across the rugged bark of trees, watched with large, blinking eyes as the strange humans wandered through their home. A dusty road twisted through the trees, never in a straight line, and curled around everything in its path as sentret bounced alongside They ducked behind bushes every time the humans glanced their way, constantly out of their reach. As the road continued – its uneven width suggesting pokémon had created it through endless months of following its course – so did they, watching with keen eyes until the tall ones were safely out of their territory.

The two paid no attention to this, however, as they had been in the forest quite a lot and knew everything by heart, even the sounds of elusive pokémon. The forest, lying on the edge of Sunbark Town, had been their training ground for years and both knew their way around quite well. Its rocky patches and long, endless roads made it ideal for practising moves, or enjoying a run. Even better, they wouldn't have to worry about accidentally hurting someone, for the forest was vast and Sunbark Town very small.

So every day at noon they went up there to train the young man’s pokémon, with the little girl watching and the pokémon steadily growing stronger. It was a good thing, as it would be for any future pokémon trainer, that the young girl had such a wonderful role model. A role model very much annoyed with his sister's constant badgering.

“Amy, I am not going to visit Mum and Dad any time soon.”

“It’s a ten minute walk!” the girl whined, eyes pleading.

“You know that’s not the problem. They’ll ask me to stay longer and I always have trouble refusing them,” the man snapped. “I have to train this rattata before its owner returns and I really don't have the time to go visit our parents and risk having to stay there for another two weeks.”

“But, Derek!”

The man turned towards her, arms crossed. “Don’t 'but' me, Amy; you will have to wait 'till Mum’s birthday.”

“But that’s another three weeks!”

The young man sighed, mentally cursing his parent’s wish to have another baby ten years after they had conceived him. He loved his baby sister, of course he did, but she was the epitome of little girls: annoying, whiny, and possessing the most innocent brown eyes he had ever seen. He had to make sure that he didn’t look into those eyes right now, or he’d be sold, he knew it. She was giving him stiff competition, though, for he heard soft sniffling coming from behind him and felt a light tugging on his arm.

“Don’t start, Amy, I’m serious. For once you'll have to wait or do it yourself.”

He knew that comment would have an effect on her. After all, she wasn’t known for her outgoing personality, especially when it came to their parents. Why she wanted to go on a pokémon journey was beyond him, for she never fared well alone and had the amazing ability to give up the moment something went wrong. He gave her two days before she'd call him to come get her.

No doubt she had a vision of heroic deeds, or catching legendary pokémon and winning every battle, as opposed to the reality of days of travelling, seeing more weedle than you had ever hoped to, and losing constantly to trainers more experienced than you. Perhaps this would be a good lesson for her and make sure she started seeing things in perspective. He'd always hoped she'd learn to appreciate the life she had with her parents, for it included many things that he'd missed while he'd been away. It was a life that did not include pokémon overly much, but they their parents were certainly loving and would no doubt welcome her starter pokémon with open arms.

“All right,” came the soft reply, mumbled though lips that were no doubt pouting again. He knew it. How he managed to deal with her, he’d never know, but then she was his sister, so giving up on her was unthinkable.

“Come on, sis, you can carry rattata for a bit.”

Knowing it would cheer her up, he handed the sleeping form to her, seeing rattata’s paws tangle in her dark hair to steady itself. A yawn left it as eyes opened just a bit to see what this sudden change was. Assured that it could do no harm, it closed them again, continuing a favourite activity with relish. Sleeping after a long day's work – especially under the soft cover of long, brown hair – had never felt so good.

~

Quietly removing chocolate bits from her dress, Amy made no attempt to be social. The candy she'd been munching down had stained her clothes horribly, but nothing compared to the idle chatter going on around her. Her mother, clad in a garishly yellow garment that stung at Amy's eyes, had somehow decided to spend the entire afternoon talking about the new flower shop in town, as opposed to more important matters. Matters that included Amy and her going away.

She had been waiting tirelessly for Derek to ask her to leave the room. She knew that if he really planned to talk to them, then he wouldn’t want to have her there. It was a special talk after all and special talks were always done without the person being discussed present. Perhaps they would even agree on a gift for her. Something special to give her when she left. A Great Ball, maybe, or perhaps even an Ultra Ball. She knew Derek owned a few, so perhaps she’d receive one of those to carry with her and catch pokémon with. It wasn't like he needed them these days, busy as he was with other people's pets.

So there she was, waiting patiently for the wonderful events that would no doubt change her life. After all, she knew these things tended to do just that. She'd heard many a tale of young boys and girls going out into the world and becoming famous. She just didn't yet know what she'd be famous for.

“Father, Mother, if I can interrupt for a moment?” Derek said calmly, taking his spot next to Amy on the couch once he'd grabbed a cup of coffee. Knowing that some chocolate bits would no doubt now adorn his backside, Amy quickly looked the other way.

Her parents, happily absorbed in their story about kind Miss Milden and her flower arrangements, looked up at them and smiled.

“Of course, what’s the matter?” her mother asked, curious.

“Well, Mother, Amy came to me with a request. She wanted me to ask you if she could start her own pokémon journey.”

Amy stared at her brother with huge eyes. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! She wasn’t supposed to be there and he shouldn’t have mentioned that she had asked him. It was all wrong! His request was wrong too! He should have asked nicely, with a flourish, and charmed her parents with the wonderful ways of pokémon. Or maybe all the adventures she’d embark on, once a true pokémon. Instead he hadn’t. Now what should-

“Of course, we expected she would want to,” her mother interrupted Amy's train of thought.

“I see no problems with that, unless you do, Derek?” Her father this time.

Derek looked slightly uneasy about something, but still managed a smile. “Not particularly, Father. Every ten year old mildly interested in pokémon goes through this; it’s a vital part of their growth.”

That was what Derek should have said during his request, but apparently it wasn’t even necessary to roll out those kinds of guns. Unlike the way she had imagined it, her parents had agreed to it far sooner than expected. Instead of making a fuss about their baby girl leaving, they simply nodded their heads and discussed various options with Derek regarding a starter.

Amy was dumbfounded. If she’d known it would be this easy, she might have asked herself. The daunting part of the whole wish to become a pokémon trainer had always been convincing her parents, but obviously they didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps those conversations they’d had with the neighbours had changed them a bit, or maybe they chose to live without pokémon for a reason other than hatred for the creatures. She'd never really thought about it, but it made sense, otherwise they wouldn’t own Growlithe. Amy suddenly realised how little interest she'd shown into her parent's lives and how little she actually knew.

It was all too confusing, but at least she was allowed to go on her pokémon journey. Scratching her head, she smiled at her parents, appreciating their trust in her. Even if she hadn't expected it.

“Well, then, I’m going to New Bark Town in two days, seeing as I have to deliver that rattata to its owner, so that would be the perfect opportunity to take you there,” Derek commented, smiling at the eager look on his sister’s face.

“As long as you come back to stay with us for a while, son. We haven’t seen you in months,” their mother responded, as they had predicted. Amy didn't feel an ounce of regret at putting Derek in such a position - he'd been less than forthcoming about this, after all - but she did feel slightly grieved that he was going to spend time with Mom and Dad while she would be alone. Somewhere deep down she'd hoped Derek would accompany her for the first couple of days, at least, but it seemed she'd be truly on her own for the very first time. Jitters ran up her spine at the very thought.

Catching the roll of the eyes her brother sent her, Amy could do nothing but think of the journey ahead. She had no idea what to expect, but she knew it'd be adventurous. She couldn't wait.

~

Her brown eyes – bright with fascination – rapidly followed the movements in front of her, as her mind assessed the situation with practised speed. Derek had asked her to stay with him the last two days, adamant as he was that she should learn more about pokémon care. Two hours trying to mould disgustingly smelly pokémon food into blocks had left her needing some fresh air.

So they'd headed outside and back into the forest, ending in her watching a short training session Derek was having. Both his pokémon were being trained to power-up their existing moves and it was rather fascinating to her.

He had the rattata with him again and the purple menace was trying desperately to overpower the bellsprout facing it. It was no use, however. No, indeed, Derek had trained the grass pokémon expertly, so it absorbed all the attacks aimed its way and turned it back on the poor opponent with equal force. As the rodent darted around, the grass pokémon remained stoic and relaxed.

The rattata was getting tired from all the running it had been doing, but the bellsprout only seemed to become more confident. Biting and slashing, the rattata tried its all to do damage to the plant, but Amy noticed that none of the attacks really seemed to hit. Instead they glanced right off and the rattata was bounced back.

“See, Amy? Pokémon battles are not all about power, it’s also about strategy and defence. There are several ways to train a pokémon, but the most important thing is to enhance their strengths and improve their weaknesses,” Derek yelled, waving a hand at the two in front of them. “For instance, I have taught this bellsprout to rely on his expert blocking skills, yet also told him how to shield himself against fire attacks. He still has the disadvantage, but his expert defensive manoeuvres could prove to be useful in any battle.”

Amy nodded, absorbing the data and trying to remember all the things he had said that day. All information had revolved around pokémon, of course, mostly centering on food and pokémon health. She had even received some of the pokéblocks they had made together. They caused her bag to reek of wheat and grain, but were more than worth it if she could improve her pokémon's diet.

Stretching her legs, she watched as her brother recalled the bellsprout and gave the rattata a pat on the head. The pokémon had improved drastically over the two month period he’d been with them, but even Amy could see that he was still a long way from being ready to evolve, which was all its owner cared for. The rattata was cute, but its evolved form was so much more powerful and Amy could appreciate the dilemma.

Her brother walked up to her, face suddenly very serious. “Now, just some theoretical questions. You have a battle against a rock type and you have the choice between a bulbasaur, a squirtle, or a charmander. Which would you choose?”

Amy bit her lip. “Either the bulbasaur or the squirtle, seeing as they are grass and water and therefore more effective against rock.”

“And which of those two?”

It was a tough question. What was the difference between the two? They were grass and water, both would be excellent against rock. Amy frowned, trying to remember what she’d been taught. At the same time her brother was eyeing her calmly, petting the pokémon on his shoulder. He didn’t seem nearly as frustrated as she was.

“Squirtle?”

“And why?”

“Because water is more effective than grass?”

“But, Amy, a starter pokémon like squirtle wouldn’t know any water attacks yet. It learns those at a later stage.”

That was right, she had forgotten all about that! But then it would be the same with bulbasaur and charmander. None of them would know any elemental attacks, so then what was the difference?

“Squirtle, because rock pokémon rely on their defence and squirtles can lower that with a tail whip.”

“Correct, but not quite. Not all rock pokémon rely on their defence. Not solely, that is. Squirtle is the right answer, not only because he has a defence-lowering move, Tail Whip, but he also has a better defence, at that time, than bulbasaur does.”

Amy nodded, trying her best to remember it, but she knew that would be a problem. Whenever she needed to remember something, she forgot. It had happened often enough that she'd been sent out to get something and had to return half an hour later to ask what she had to get again.

“It’s important you think about these things, Amy. The same goes for your choices: cyndaquil, totodile and chikorita. You can, of course, choose the pokémon you like best, but you could also try to see what lies ahead of you. What is the first gym you will come across on your journey?”

“The gym in Violet City. Falkner and his flying type pokémon.”

“Correct. Now, none of those pokémon have an advantage against bird pokémon. In fact, chikorita would have a disadvantage, so it would not be a good pick, especially seeing as the gym following that houses bug pokémon and it would have a disadvantage to that as well.” Derek sat down beside her. “That leaves us with totodile and cyndaquil. Now, you know how popular cyndaquil is, because he looks cool and is a fire-type pokémon, however my favourite would be totodile. Yes, cyndaquil has an advantage over the bug pokémon later on, but cyndaquil’s only other strength is his speed while totodile’s attack and defence are so much stronger than those of cyndaquil. Not to mention that he tends to have better endurance, so he can take so much more.”

Amy pictured the creature in her mind, complete with gaping mouth and sharp set of teeth. Chikorita, or even cyndaquil, were so much more elegant, but she didn't want to end up stuck in Violet City forever, or forced to challenge bug pokémon – of all creatures – forever. Maybe she would have to take a different route instead and not rely on the one suggested by the officials. It wasn't against the rules to have a different approach, after all, and it wouldn't change much.

“So you would choose totodile?” she asked, a bit unsure. Derek seemed exactly the opposite.

“I would, he is so much more versatile. He may be the slowest of the pokémon – and only a little when it comes to chikorita – but he has an excellent defence that makes up for that and any hit will count with such an attack force. Plus, he'll be able to ferry you across water once he grows up. Wouldn't that be amazing?”

“But totodile turn into those ugly croconaw.”

She could see Derek glare at her for that statement, not that she hadn’t expected it. Both cyndaquil and chikorita were so much cuter, not to mention their evolutions didn’t turn into a dumb looking pokémon like croconaw. No, in fact all of chikorita’s evolutions were downright adorable, with their huge eyes and lovely plant-like features. And cyndaquil and quilava had such lovely faces.

“This isn’t a beauty contest, Amy. If you’re planning on being a serious pokémon trainer then you’ll choose with your mind instead of your eyes. Otherwise you might as well become a coordinator. There's nothing wrong with that, but then you should forget about gym challenges altogether.”

She knew he was right, of course. With pokémon it wasn’t all about appearance, but she just didn’t know if she could love a totodile. She wasn’t a big fan of water-pokémon as it was – the cold and dark depths of the ocean weren’t particularly appealing to her – and a totodile wasn’t exactly cuddly.

She'd considered becoming a coordinator, too, but had decided against it when she saw Derek's beaming face after she'd won a mock-battle. His dream had been to become a champion and she would try to finish what he'd started. Even if he was happy where he was, she knew he still thought about those days on occasion.

Amy had high plans. She wanted to be like her brother, an excellent trainer, and catch hundreds of pokémon. She wanted to travel to every known city and meet countless people on the way. Thinking about it, she realized that perhaps she would have to make choices she didn’t like if she wanted to achieve that. According to her brother – and he knew his stuff – totodile would be the best starter pokémon, so shouldn’t she trust him?

“All right, totodile it is, then,” she muttered, shrugging slightly.

Derek smiled down at her. “Good girl.”

They continued training for another hour, this time with some of Derek's own pokémon, before returning to Derek’s house to have dinner. As they went Amy could hear rustling and the occasional twig breaking, but whenever she turned nothing was there. Derek, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what pokémon had made what sound.

“How can you tell?” Amy asked curiously.

He shrugged. “If you spend enough time here you can hear the difference between rattata and the heavier sentret. Or what bird-call is from a pidgey instead of a spearow. It just takes time.”

Amy nodded, listening intently in the hopes of figuring things out. However, no matter how hard she tried, all sounds kept sounding the same. Sighing, Amy followed her brother down the path and towards his little cottage.

Enjoying the meal and the comforts of a warm and pleasant room, Amy set herself in front of the fireplace. She could feel the excitement roar through her, knowing that she only had to wait another day before setting out on a journey that might define. Just one more day.

Feeling two soft forms press against her side, she looked up to see rattata and her brother’s own typhlosion nestling themselves next to her. Their fur felt soft under her fingertips as she softly petted them, though she could also feel the slight warmth coming from typhlosion's back. If she wanted to, the creature could scorch the entire house.

Amy petted the fire pokémon’s head calmly, reminding herself that even though she adored cyndaquil and its evolutions she’d choose the totodile. She could always come home and borrow typhlosion, couldn’t she? Derek had never made much of a problem of it that she took typhlosion for a walk now and then. Or maybe she could take Bella with her, the nidoqueen that had been her constant protector whenever she went into the forest alone. Derek's pokémon had always been kind to her, so she didn’t foresee any trouble whatsoever

She knew Derek had gotten himself in quite some trouble when choosing cyndaquil as his starter. The little fire-pokémon had done its best to win every battle, but their first gym battle had been a disaster. Cyndaquil had received blow after blow from the strong beaks of Falkner’s pokémon and the stories her parents told her about the guilt her brother had felt while watching his pokémon lie in the pokémon centre made her doubt if she could manage such a thing at all.

He had returned home for a while after that, visiting his mother and newborn sister while he filled the empty spot his father had left when he'd gone to the Kanto region on business. During that stay he had trained cyndaquil, exhausting the both of them, which had resulted in a clear victory two months later. He had finally beaten Falkner and with his father back home, he could continue his journey. Amy still remembered the smile on her mother’s face when she told her the story of his victories. She had been most proud, even when Derek returned for good a year later. Gym battles hadn't been for him.

Yawning lightly, Amy looked at the pokémon next to her, both sound asleep. An image of herself with her own pokémon in front of the fireplace flashed through her mind, though the image didn’t include a totodile. Maybe tomorrow she would work on appreciating the pokémon. Now all she wanted was to sleep, and so she did.

She didn’t notice Derek put a blanket over the three of them, while shaking his head sadly and walking to his own chair. Looking at his sister, he sat down and pulled a blanket over himself, closing his eyes.

~

The next morning Amy awoke to the smell of freshly picked berries and deliciously crispy bacon. Hurrying to the dinner table, she saw that Derek had already prepared breakfast and was now busy feeding his pokémon. Hearing her pull a chair back, he turned his head, smiling.

“Ah, I was about to wake you. Food got to you, eh?”

“Yes, that’s the thing I will miss most when travelling - your amazing cooking.”

Her brother laughed merrily, giving her a pat on the head as he ambled past her and into the kitchen. She could hear him rummaging around while she ate, but had no idea what he was up to. She figured it out soon enough when he left outside with a large bucket in hand and started bathing a rather reluctant rattata.

Amy enjoyed the breakfast very much and at first didn’t notice the small bundle of papers next to her plate. As she picked them up and skimmed through them, she saw it was all centred on totodile. Apparently Derek had printed some information out for her, so she could learn about her new companion.

‘Wouldn’t it be a laugh if they didn’t have any left,’ she thought, but immediately scratched that thought. After all, totodile were not popular pokémon and no doubt there would be plenty left to choose from. The professor would make sure of that.

“Read it through, I’ll test you on it in a few minutes.”

She did as told and finally discovered the world of totodile and its evolutions. Impressed by its wide range of attacks, she no longer doubted that choosing the water pokémon would be the way to go.

The day was spent much in the same way as the day before it had. Derek had brought out some of his water pokémon and pitched them against some of the pokémon Amy might encounter. Though Derek didn't own a totodile, a whooper was as close as they could get and certainly did the job. He even allowed her to have a go herself, but his pokémon won every single time. Amy wasn't surprised.

Eventually, tired from a day filled with quizzes and vital information she had to remember, Amy said goodnight to Derek very early and jumped in bed at a quarter to nine. Information was buzzing through her head, begging to be remembered and put to good use. It was only after she fell asleep that this stopped and was replaced by wonderful dreams of herself winning battles and catching legendaries. For the first time since she’d decided which pokémon she’d take these thoughts and dreams actually included a young and cheerful totodile. Licking her hand, its eyes were big with merriment and its tail pounded the ground.

Derek was left preparing the things for the next morning, knowing that all he had tried to teach her still wasn’t enough. All those years of taking her with him had only resulted in knowledge slumbering in the back of her mind, knowledge she hadn’t used or didn’t want to. Hopefully she would find it soon enough, for he was worried that even with his help he could not keep her from feeling an utter failure. Like he had.
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Old April 7th, 2010 (08:46 AM).
Mizan de la Plume Kuro's Avatar
Mizan de la Plume Kuro Mizan de la Plume Kuro is offline
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I’m glad I took the time to read this. It was really worthwhile. ^_^
So I took the liberty of constructing a short review since you really don’t make that many mistakes and I wanted to show my appreciation for this well written piece of work and prove that I didn't tl;dr it like some people do with long fics. XD

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
She just didn't yet know what <i>she'd</i> be famous for.
Unfortunately some forums, like PC, don't allow HTML because it poses to many risks. But that has nothing to do with writing and it's jut so you use BB Code next time. Use square brackets.

Quote:
Her parents, happily absorbed in their story about kind miss Milden and her flower arrangements, looked up at them and smiled.
Name titles are capitalized if before a name.

Quote:
Amy was dumbfounded. If she’d known it would be this easy, she might have asked herself. The daunting part of the whole wish to become a pokémon trainer had always been convincing her parents, but obviously they didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps those conversations they’d had with the neighbours had changed them a bit, or maybe they chose to live without pokémon for a reason other than hatred for the creatures. She'd never really thought about it, but it made sense, otherwise they wouldn’t own Growlithe. Amy suddenly realised how little interest she'd shown into her parent's lives and how little she actually knew.
This, besides the end, was one of my favourite parts. You seem to have a knack for this kind of filler which makes the story seem more realistic and alive. :D
I'm amazed by how you emulate her mind. It's like reading a published writer haha.

Quote:
“Squirtle?”

“And why?”

“Because water is more effective than grass?”

“But, Amy, a starter pokémon like squirtle wouldn’t know any water attacks yet. It learns those at a later stage.”

That was right, she had forgotten all about that! But then it would be the same with bulbasaur and charmander. None of them would know any elemental attacks, so then what was the difference?

“Squirtle, because rock pokémon rely on their defence and squirtles can lower that with a tail whip.”

“Correct, but not quite. Not all rock pokémon rely on their defence. Not solely, that is. Squirtle is the right answer, not only because he has a defence lowering move; Tail Whip, but he also has a better defence, at that time, than bulbasaur does.”
I can't believe you caught me off guard with that comment on defence and levels. Lol, excellent.

Quote:
“Correct. Now, none of those pokémon have an advantage against bird pokémon. In fact, chikorita would have a disadvantage, so it would not be a good pick, especially seeing as the gym following that houses bug pokémon and it would have a disadvantage to that as well.” Derek sat down beside her. “That leaves us with totodile and cyndaquil. Now, you know how popular cyndaquil is, because he looks cool and is a fire-type pokémon, however my favourite would be totodile. Yes, cyndaquil has an advantage over the bug pokémon later on, but cyndaquil’s only other strength is his speed while Totodile’s attack and defence are so much stronger than those of cyndaquil. Not to mention that he tends to have better endurance, so he can take so much more.”
Since you type every other Pokemon name in lower-case, you should do the same for totodile.

Quote:
Derek was left preparing the things for the next morning, knowing that all he had tried to teach her still wasn’t enough. All those years of taking her with him had only resulted in knowledge slumbering in the back of her mind, knowledge she hadn’t used or didn’t want to. Hopefully she would find it soon enough, for he was worried that even with his help he could not keep her from feeling an utter failure. Like he had.
Excellent twist at the end. You’ve just won yourself a new reader. ;D
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Old April 7th, 2010 (09:07 AM).
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Silawen Silawen is offline
 
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Quote:
Kuro I’m glad I took the time to read this. It was really worthwhile.
So I took the liberty of constructing a short review since you really don’t make that many mistakes and I wanted to show my appreciation for this well written piece of work and prove that I didn't tl;dr it like some people do with long fics. XD
Aw, you flatter me. Really, though, it's the years of editing that helped out a lot. A lot of things have changed over the years, hah, and mostly through kind reviewers such as you. *grin*

Quote:
Unfortunately some forums, like PC, don't allow HTML because it poses to many risks. But that has nothing to do with writing and it's jut so you use BB Code next time. Use square brackets.
Gah, I thought I caught them all. I initially wrote the chapters for another forum, so I tried replacing them all. Thanks for catching that. If you find any others, please let me know. XD

Quote:
Name titles are capitalized if before a name.
Thanks! I keep forgetting that. It's different than what we do in Dutch, so I almost make the stupid mistake of forgetting that rule. Gah.

Quote:
This, besides the end, was one of my favourite parts. You seem to have a knack for this kind of filler which makes the story seem more realistic and alive. :D
I'm amazed by how you emulate her mind. It's like reading a published writer haha.
You're too sweet, hee. Amy is great fun to work with. I do hope you enjoy her as much as I do writing her. She's a fun little character.

Quote:
Since you type every other Pokemon name in lower-case, you should do the same for totodile.
*salutes* Thank you. Forgot that one. And, yes, I don't capitalize the names of pokémon species. It's the English teacher in me, I suppose.

Quote:
Excellent twist at the end. You’ve just won yourself a new reader. ;D
Great! I'm ever so glad you liked it. I hope you'll enjoy the other chapters too. I actually like the later chapters - four and onwards - better than I do the first. They're pretty old, after all.

Thanks again for the helpful review!
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Old April 7th, 2010 (10:42 AM).
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The Silver Prince The Silver Prince is offline
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This is a well written piece of work. The characters are believable. The story is realistic but you need to use capitals in some places. You typed 'pokemons' in the fic whereas it should have been 'Pokemons'. Also, generally, the species start with a capital letter (there is no hard and fast rule but that is what I saw in many other fics).
Overall, this is one hell of a story.Good luck.
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Old April 7th, 2010 (11:01 AM). Edited April 7th, 2010 by Yusshin.
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I was browsing 'fics and I stumbled on yours. While reading a review, I noticed this:

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“Correct, but not quite. Not all rock pokémon rely on their defence. Not solely, that is. Squirtle is the right answer, not only because he has a defence lowering move(;) Tail Whip, but he also has a better defence, at that time, than bulbasaur does.”
That should read "defence-lowering". It becomes an adjective, and is thus hyphenated.

Also, that semi-colon isn't correct. It should be a comma. I used parenthesis to show where the semi-colon is.

Finally, throughout the story you use lower-cases on moves, Pokemon names, "Pokemon", etc. yet in the sentence above, you capitalize "Tail Whip"; perhaps it's because of the semi-colon being misused, but it seems odd that you would capitalize "Whip" at the end, since you don't do it throughout the rest of the 'fic and it's not the first letter of a sentence.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
Derek's pokémon had always been kind to her, so she didn’t foresee any trouble whatsoever
This sentence is missing a period at the end.
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Old April 7th, 2010 (11:37 AM).
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Quote originally posted by The Silver Prince:
This is a well written piece of work. The characters are believable. The story is realistic but you need to use capitals in some places. You typed 'pokemons' in the fic whereas it should have been 'Pokemons'. Also, generally, the species start with a capital letter (there is no hard and fast rule but that is what I saw in many other fics).
Overall, this is one hell of a story.Good luck.
Thank you.

I don't agree with the capitalization, however. There are two schools of thought on this subject and I'm part of the group who believes that you shouldn't capitalize pokémon species. You're probably part of the group who thinks that because they're trademarked and thus capitalized in official booklets that you should do the same. I believe that we should follow the rules of English, so I chose not to. (You wouldn't capitalize 'elephant', so I don't capitalize 'pidgey'.)

It's an age-old discussion, heh.

Also, just because you saw something in a lot of fic doesn't make it right. A lot of authors say 'your okay' when they mean 'you're okay', but that doesn't make it right.

However, I appreciate your review a lot. Thanks for taking the time!

Quote:
That should read "defence-lowering". It becomes an adjective, and is thus hyphenated.

Also, that semi-colon isn't correct. It should be a comma. I used parenthesis to show where the semi-colon is.


Thank you! I have to admit, semi-colons sometimes get the best of me. I know the rules, but still doubt it sometimes. *laughs* Silly, eh? Thanks a lot for letting me know.

Quote:
Finally, throughout the story you use lower-cases on moves, Pokemon names, "Pokemon", etc. yet in the sentence above, you capitalize "Tail Whip"; perhaps it's because of the semi-colon being misused, but it seems odd that you would capitalize "Whip" at the end, since you don't do it throughout the rest of the 'fic and it's not the first letter of a sentence.


Yeah, first I capitalized moves and then I changed them all. (Or so I thought.) I still don't know where I stand, really, because they're names of moves and not really comparable to something we have here. Any ideas on whether I should or shouldn't capitalize them?

I don't think it has anything to do with the semi-colon, though, as the semi-colon was added by my beta long before I changed from capitalized to not capitalized.

I'll definitely edit the things you pointed out. Much appreciated!
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Old April 7th, 2010 (11:54 AM). Edited April 7th, 2010 by Yusshin.
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Semi-colons can be havoc, I know lol A lot of people don't know how to use them and try to anyway just to look fancy (not pointing fingers; stating a fact).

A good rule of thumb is if a sentence preceeds a phrase which commences with "however", you use a semi-colon before "however" instead of a period. The same applies to "therefore", "sometimes", etc.

If two phrases are similar and can be compared, a semi-colon is nice sometimes, as long as it isn't abused. For example:

The car is fast. I used that car to travel to Texas last week.

Can be rewritten as:

The car is fast; I used it to travel to Texas last week.

Because the content is comparable.

It's well-written, though. Nice job :] I'll try to see if I find any other mistakes. if you or someone else replies, I'll post'em in a new reply; if not, I'll edit this post.

Also, I personally feel that techniques should be capitalized, but not species or names, for the very same reasons you stated in the post prior.

[Edit]

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
Second later it could be heard snoring quietly.
"Second" should be written "Seconds"; an "s" was omitted.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
It was a good thing, as it would be for any future pokémon trainer, that the young girl had such a wonderful role-model.
Quote originally posted by Silawen:
A role-model very much annoyed with his sister's constant badgering.
"Role-model" isn't a single word, but is actually a separate word - "role model".

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“But, Derek!”
There shouldn't be a comma after "But".

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
The man turned towards her, arms crossed. “Don’t 'but' me, Amy; you will have to wait 'till Mum’s birthday.”
Contrary to popular belief, "'till" is not the short-form of "until". This word should read "til".

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
The young man sighed(;) mentally cursing his parent’s wish to have another baby ten years after they had conceived him.
Another semi-colon misuse; the sentence after that becomes a fragment, which is incorrect and incomplete.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
He loved his baby sister, of course he did, but she was the epitome of little girls(;) annoying, whiny, and possessing the most innocent brown eyes he had ever seen.
Another misuse. A dash or a colon would be more appropriate.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“See, Amy? Pokémon battles are not all about power, it’s also about strategy and defence
"it's" refers to "Pokemon battles" which is plural, thus this should actually read "they're".

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“For instance I have taught this bellsprout to rely on his expert blocking skills
"For instance" should read "For instance,". A comma was omitted.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
The rattata was cute, but its evolved form was so much more powerful and Amy could appreciate the dilemma.
I'm confused; Amy appreciates a dilemna / problem? Elaborate on this, or perhaps use a different verb.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“Either the bulbasaur or the squirtle(;) seeing as they are grass and water and therefore more effective against rock.”
Another semi-colon misuse which results in a fragment.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
The same goes for your choices(;) cyndaquil, totodile and chikorita.
Another misuse resulting in a fragment. Perhaps a colon or a dash would be more appropriate.

Quote originally posted by Silawen:
“Yes, that’s the thing I will miss most when travelling(;) your amazing cooking.”
Another misuse resulting in a fragment. A dash would be more appropriate here.


~

The story itself is detailed enough, but it still feels rushed. Spelling is particularly great; grammar is awesome except for the random semi-colon / comma issue.

:]
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Old April 7th, 2010 (12:59 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Yusshin:
"it's" refers to "Pokemon battles" which is plural, thus this should actually read "they're".
While I agree with you on the grammar, I just want to point out that since this is fiction writing, dialogue can occasionally be written with regular mistakes as is common with certain speech mannerisms. I'm not sure if Silawen realised this when she wrote it, but while it's technically grammatically incorrect, it can sometimes be overlooked in colloquial language unless where it drastically changes the meaning of the sentence.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is that you can either choose to portray him as someone who makes the occasional mistake or you can portray him as being flawless with language. Since the mistake in question was relatively small, I'd go with the second one, but then again, it also irks me to see someone speaking with grammar like that so you can choose either one.

Just posted to say that.

EDIT: @Yuushin: A tiny heads up, but only fic authors are allowed to double post to post new chapters. Trying not to mini-mod just pointing out a mistake.
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Old April 7th, 2010 (01:24 PM).
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I didn't mean to double-post :s It usually merges my posts together as an edit, but here it didn't do that. I didn't realize lol

And as for your comment, in dialogue it's all right as a style xD I was just pointing out grammar :P
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Old April 7th, 2010 (01:38 PM).
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Thanks to both Mizan and Yusshin for their contributions. *grin* I did intend to write that sentence like that, strangely enough. Derek isn't perfect and he was thinking of two things at once. (Pokémon battles, but also battling as a whole. So his 'it's' is referring to that, not the battles.)

Quote:
There shouldn't be a comma after "But".


Not to be contrary, but why shouldn't there be? Isn't this a case of direct address? (I'm not a native speaker, so I'm just trying to learn more as I go along. XD)

Quote:
I'm confused; Amy appreciates a dilemna / problem? Elaborate on this, or perhaps use a different verb.


I have always understood that 'to appreciate' can also be used to point out someone is aware of something. Take this definition, for example:


–verb (used with object)2.to value or regard highly; place a high estimate on: to appreciate good wine.

3.to be fully conscious of; be aware of; detect: to appreciate the dangers of a situation.

4.to raise in value.




The other mentions I completely agree with! I'll have to go on an editing spree tomorrow after class. (It's nearing midnight here and I really need to get some sleep. I am aware of the errors, though, and will edit them as soon as possible.) Thanks again for the awesome comments! They're really helpful.
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Old April 7th, 2010 (02:03 PM).
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"Appreciates" is usually used in a positive nature though, regardless of definition :s That's why it's a bit confuzzling. Technically, it's correct in definition, but in regards to how it's comprehended in modern day, most people are only aware of the first definition. To be more clear to the average reader, though, I'd suggest changing it.

As for the "but", I guess we can look at it both ways.

If you want a dramatic pause, write "But, Derek!". If you want a sudden, abrupt cry, use "But Derek!".

Which are you intending? ^^ Due to the context, I prefer to read it as an abrupt cry of impatience, rather than dramatic, but it's your 'fic~
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Old April 8th, 2010 (04:08 AM).
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Okay, I'm pretty sure I edited all the mistakes. I've left in a few things, however. Maybe you want to argue them, but I think they work best this way.

I really like the verb 'appreciate', so I'm sticking to it. If a lot of people show confusion at it, however, I'll change it. As of now I'll just hope people understand or learn something from it. XD

As I consider 'But, Derek' a direct address, I'm leaving the comma. I've looked up the rules and it makes sense, I think.

Same goes for' till. According to some grammar guides you should use 'till and not til or 'til, though the latter has become fashionable lately and could be considered correct now.

Quote:
The status of ’til versus until and till is often argued about and most style guides have something to say on the matter.

The most common belief is that till is a shortened form of until. You can see how this could have grown up, but the truth of the matter is that till is by far the older word, being recorded from about the year 800, while it took another 400 years for until to appear in the language (it’s a compound of till with the archaic Old Norse und, as far as, which also survives in the archaic unto). But the first sense of till was to, as it still can be, for example, in Scots and some dialects. Though the modern sense of till in standard English is always connected with time, this only appeared about 1300.


The current position is that until is the more common of the two words and is generally considered to be slightly more formal, which is why it turns up more often in edited prose. It is also rather more likely to appear at the beginning of a sentence than is till. But till is perfectly good English and the choice of whether to use it or until is often decided by the rhythm of the sentence.


Your father’s version, ’til, has been created within the past century by people who believe that till is an abbreviation of until and want to mark it as such. It has often been said by style guides and dictionaries that it’s a mistake and it arouses passion in some people. Most recent writers on language prefer to describe it as an informal version of until — it often turns up in newspapers, advertising and song lyrics, for example, and in informal set phrases like “shop ’til you drop”, “It ain’t over ’til it’s over” or “ ’Til we meet again”. But to use the spelling til without the preceding apostrophe is still regarded as wrong.

Source.


However, I'm pretty sure people are told different things everywhere. *grin*


Again, thank you so much for your helpful comments! I'll have to keep my eye on those semi-colons.
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