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  #1    
Old May 8th, 2010, 05:09 AM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
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Nature: Relaxed
well, i feel like making a fan fiction, but i won't make a sufficient one all by myself,
so i propose an idea: a storyline where any member of PC can join in and continue on with the same character from any place/time in the story.
It will be pokemon based and etc., and i feel it would give the veiwer a feel of many different writing styles from PC members all over the globe.

Sorry if this has been suggested before, i wanna start it but i wanna know if people will join and connect with the story too .

PLEASE NOTE: this takes place in Kanto, and some new gym leaders will be replacing some old ones

New Gym Leaders:
they will be placed in order of league positions (first weakest, last strongest)

--#1

Replacing Brock in Pewter will be Jordin.

Jordin
Hometown: Pewter City
Type Specialty: Normal
Badge: Simple Badge
Biography: Growing up in Pewter, she instantly fell in love with the Clefairys in Mt Moon, one
Friday she accidently fell in the middle of the dancing fairies,
and was swept away by their tribute to the moon. An adept battler, she will
never give up and have many tricks up her sleeve in battle.
Many people underestimate her Pokemon and look, but she laughs it off once she cleverly wins the battle.
She herself proves that the strongest Pokemon can be no match for tactics.
Appearance/Personality: In her mid twenties, she has white hair with a streak of black on her fringe.
five feet tall and being considerably thin, she enjoys wearing just a plain t-shirt with jeans.
With no earrings, piercing, tattoos and a friendly personality no one takes her for a threat. Which immediately
ticks her off and then she shows her real battling abilities. Not one to underestimate her opponents she
relies more on tactics than brute strength in battles.
Pokemon: Jigglypuff , Clefairy , Clefairy
Origin of Name: Jordin (Ordinary)

--#2

Replacing Misty will be Skye

Skye
Hometown: Cerulean City
Type Specialty: Flying
Badge: Beak Badge
Biography: In her teens Skye was busy talking on her Pokegear and accidently lost her footing while walking on a cliff,
while she screaming in terror a Spearow swooped down and saved her from dying on the rocky surface below.
The Spearow itself was at risk of hunters and Skye vowed to help and Pokemon (flying especially) in peril.
With her help all land behind the Nugget Bridge is treated like an animal sanctuary, where you can catch Pokemon
but not poach or hurt them. After the city saw her effort to save Pokemon wellbeing they decided to make her gym leader
of Cerulean.
Appearance/Personality: Skye is a 32 year old always seen wearing an air suit, in matches she will also wear a scarf made
of feathers.
With wavy blonde hair and standing five feet four inches, her beauty in battles matches her grace.
Skye is materialistic and enjoys the company of her Pokemon, and she scolds anyone who insults their Pokemon or hers.
In battle she will always fights with elegance, but will show expressions of anger and persistence when in doubt.
Pokemon: Spearow , Staravia , Noctowl
Origin of Name: Skye (Sky)

--#3

Replacing Lt. Surge is Derek

Derek
Hometown: Vermillion City
Type Specialty: Dark
Badge: Lurking Badge
Biography: Derek is a heir to his families small fortune. Living in his mansion with nothing fun to do he found an interest
in Pokemon battling. Every day he would go into his vast backyard and train with the many Pokemon inhabiting the forest like
backyard. One day he saw a Seedot in peril from a Murkrow and used his growing skill to capture both.
Much to the applaud of all his butlers and waiters he helped them to make amends and now both are his beloved partners.
Derek now spends his time battling with his Pokemon and always ventured deeper in his backyard, finding more Pokemon
as adept opponents. In his teens his father founded the Vermillion City Gym and S.S. Aqua, and Derek immediately applied
for a position as a leader, and received the privilege. Many people believe he doesn't truly love his Pokemon,
and only began a leader because of his fathers connections.
Appearance/Personality: Derek is a short man (4 feet seven inches) and just under 30 years old. He is rarely seen without
a tuxedo on and always has a butler or two waiting on him. Derek is very overconfident, and as he has never had problems
due to his vast amount of money, he stress' out and begins to wimp in troubled situations. Other than those short periods
of time he will always look down on challengers he faces in the gym.
Pokemon: Mightyena , Nuzleaf , Honchkrow
Origin of Name: Derek (Dark)

--#4

Replacing Erika is Blitzy

Blitzy
Hometown: Celadon City
Type Specialty: Ice
Badge: Stalagmite Badge
Biography: Blitzy graduated top-class in his university exams, and is usually uses a variety of strategies to accompany his battles.
When growing up Blitzy loved the snow, and enjoyed winter season the most. His special Eevee was his first Pokemon,
which has been with him since birth. Blitzy can usually be seen doing extensive research about the nature of Pokemon,
and translating their actions into meanings.
Appearance/Personality: Blitzy has light blue hair, stands five feet nine inches and loves to wear his 'snow cloak,' a cloak
sewn from different snow flakes during the winter time. Blitzy is very arrogant, and will always snicker at his
opponents mistakes, though silently brushing aside his own. He gets along with people very well, and despite his flaw
above, is absolutely delighted when people ask for help with Pokemon battles or studies.
Pokemon: Snover , Glaceon , Lapras , Piloswine
Origin of Name: Blitzy (Blizzard)

--#5

Replacing Koga/Janine is Paul

Paul
Hometown: Fuschia City
Type Specialty: Water
Badge: Storm Badge
Biography: Paul enjoys scuba diving and kayaking, and always finds new Pokemon to marvel at.
He enjoys all the Pokemon he sees so much he has a whole room in his house full of sketches of them;
Paul is also known as an expert artist. He also believes in inner beauty. He disapproves of people who are
too shallow, and to prove that all Pokemon have an inner beauty he caught a Feebas while scuba diving and treated
it as his closest companion. Much to everyone's shock it soon evolves into the beautiful Milotic and now everyone
values Paul's teachings.
Appearance/Personality: Paul has black hair and a fair tan, he enjoys wearing his swimsuit even outside water,
though his other choice of clothing is leather. Standing five inches he is very fit. Paul is very outgoing and
never backs down. He always gives his opponent tips, even though it may put his chances of winning at risk.
Though he takes his gym title very seriously he always jokes around and enjoys a laugh.
Pokemon: Gyarados , Whiscash , Milotic , Vaporeon
Origin of Name: Paul (Pool)

--#6

Replacing Sabrina is Psy

Psy
Hometown: Saffron City
Type Specialty: Psychic
Badge: Mystic Badge
Biography: At the tender age of Five, Psy discovered he had psychic abilities, inherited from both his parents.
While practicing and enhancing his powers in a field, a lonely Ralts mistook the psychic waves as its parents,
and looks up to Psy like a parent. Over the years Psy mastered in mind-reading, telekinesis and fortune-telling.
As his powers grew, he enjoyed the company of psychic Pokemon, and built a special connection with his closest
Pokemon, enabling them to talk freely without the use of speech. In battle is when this feature comes in handy,
and many of his opponents have a hard time fending off his attacks.
Appearance/Personality: Psy is a shady type, and never reveals much to strangers, though he will freely
talk and approach them. He doesn't care much when others complain to him or consult him, even though many
ask for their fortune, he doesn't like to attract attention with it. Psy has pink hair and always wears sunglasses.
He dislikes shorts and t-shirts, and often wears red silk robes. His eyes are brown but turn red when reciting
spells to help with his psychic abilities.
Pokemon: Kirlia , Xatu , Alakazam , Gallade
Origin of Name: Psy (Psychic)

--#7

Replacing Blaine is Earl

Earl
Hometown: Cinnibar Island
Type Specialty: Ground
Badge: Core Badge
Biography: In his childhood Earl enjoyed BMX riding and entering many competition, growing fond of the dusty terrain
the races took place. Once on his bike Earl accidently rode into a Geodude and crashed.
The Geodude was badly hurt and despite his physical injuries tried to nurture the Geodude.
Both Earl and the Geodude developed a close bond and Earl now has a soft spot for ground types,
whom which he takes for bike rides almost every day.
Appearance/Personality: Earl has brown hair and constantly changes his look to suit what is in style, he also
bears a tattoo with his parents name in a ribbon tied around a globe, paired with his beard and moustache he
bears resemble to a biker. Despite his look he is very jolly and loves the company of others,
and sometimes gives a gym badge to his opponents despite their many mistakes in battle.
Pokemon: Hippopotas , Gliscor , Quagsire , Golem
Origin of Name: Earl (Earth)

--#8

Replacing Giovanni/Blue is Griss

Griss
Hometown: Viridian City
Type Specialty: Grass
Badge: Root Badge
Biography: Living right next to the Viridian Forest always pleased Griss, he regularly played in the forest with his Oddish,
with his joyous emotion every time he visited the place, the Pokemon of the forest cautiously approached him,
and he welcomed them with open arms. So every day he would visit and play games with the all inhabitants of the forest,
settling arguments, healing wounds, and spreading joy he began to share a close bond with the forest.
Appearance/Personality: Griss has short turquoise hair, often wearing a necklace of the berries of the Viridian Forest,
he stands at six inches tall and likes to wear shorts with a muscle shirt. He is very playful and enjoys having a joke. He doesn't let victories get to his head, while making the best out of his losses with his determination.
Pokemon: Exeggutor , Vileplume , Roserade , Ludicolo
Origin of Name: Griss (Grass)
--
sorry about the names, i started losing ideas around the end :\ .
and the bios/appearance/personality need help, i will edit those too .

-------------------------------------------------------
How to Join:
joining is easy
just fill out this form:

Name:
How good are you at writing:

now the character is this person here, but his name is subject to change .

Characters Name: PC
Hometown: Celadon City
Class: Trainer
Badges: None
Pokemon: Arba , Kada , Mimster
Biography: The son of the owners of the department store in [City Name],
PC has always been spoilt and gets overconfident due to his supply of healing
items. Impo's Kada and Mimster turned against him, and his newly hatched Abra,
Arba, helped him flee the scene using teleport. Desperate to get his beloved Pokemon
back, Impo embarks with his new Arba to find the source hurting his pokemon and
destroy it.
Appearance: PC is four feet nine inches with dark brown hair and eyes,
he is very fit and enjoys wearing blue.
Personality: PC is very enthusiastic, and will try any thing once, though once he tries
something he isn't very good at he gets a little disheartened.
Age: PC is 15 years old.

(and no, it's not based on me )

Rules
the rules, being told that these are very important, i will most likely add new ones
~Don't contradict with someone elses story, remember that all storys connect, which i have a plan for after .
~It would be best for participants to add a short intro of their character, as so their story (see mine below).
~Give constructive critism! helping others with their story can make stories more fun and exilerating .
~Please be reasonable with your pokemon choice, dont suddenly have a Dragonite and Metagross at the beginning,
people are meant to follow your story, to greatly enchance the reading.
~You cannot own a legendary pokemon, you may catch one, or have it in the story as a minor role, but pace your story.
~Remember to use appropriate spelling and grammar, also include similies/metaphores (other things to give a better mental picture for your story).
!!~If you are writing a story that can alter the storyline, and effects not only you and other characters,
please discuss it first (new location, interacting with others, etc.), so people are aware~!!
~No random overpowering effects (Abra beats Metagross!) concluding you as the winner,
it may happen, but please include a reason and how it happened.
~You can do everything you can do from the pokemon R/B/Y/G/S/C/Rby/Saph/E/D/P/Pt/HG/SS series.
~Pokeathlon and Pokemon Contests are in this region, use that as you please.
~Your character does not need to be a trainer aiming to be champion, he/she can be anyone you want them to be,
Pokeathlete, Pokemon Contest, Battle Frontier, Pokemon Catcher, Evil Person, you name it.
~You can nickname your pokemon, but dont name them anything vulgar, sexist, racist,
or another pokemon (eg. Go pikachu the squirtle!).
~And finally, if you decide not to write anymore, write an ending for you character.

Prologue:

The scientists in the abandoned warehouse huddled around a complicated machine in the center of the dimly lit room. The machine had dozens of buttons and switches, it was tall and wide, taking up plenty of space and almost reaching the ceiling.
This particular night was pitch black, with lightning appearing beneath the clouds and the occasional shower of rain. The head scientist, Eleyt, laughed ferverently as he placed a small chip into the machines core. The machine lit up, and the lightning rod on the warehouse began to attract lightning.
Trembling with excitement, Eleyt giggled with glee as the electricity stored on the machine reached maximum.
He eagerly pressed a series of buttons, sending a powerful electric current down into the earth,
screaming and laughing in triumph the scientists heard the current takes its course through the
Region of Kanto.
Eleyt exclaimed, "FINALLY! After years of planning, our plan has succeeded! Now all the Pokemon on Kanto will
turn against their trainers and their free will and thirst for wild will be restored!
Humans will no longer be the dominant life force! People shall see the true power of Pokemon,
no trainers to stop them from reaching their full potential!
Let's see the Region of Kanto turn into the perfect Pokemon Utopia!"
Effects of the current could already be seen, people running in terror as their beloved Pokemon turned against them.
No one was prepared for the wicked happenings in Kanto!
--Meanwhile, in Celadon City--
PC patiently watches his egg, lying on the table, with a little nest made of PC's TM case,
and other plush toys. The egg has been under care for a while, and PC knew the time had come.
His Kadabra (Kada) and Mr. Mime (Mimster) chatting joyfully, waiting for the moment when their baby would arrive.
At that moment electric currents surged under Impos house and the rest of Celadon.
The house shook a little and Kada and Mimster began to twitch, their eyes turned red and blank.
PC did not know what happened, he cautiously approached Mimster, but the Pokemon lifted a hand and created a barrier to
stop him coming any farther. His Pokemon weren't listening.
"Mimster, It's...It's me... PC? Remember" PC began to worry, he ran to protect the egg as his two Pokemon
turned against him.
Grasping the egg in his arms, PC heard the frantic screaming outside, and realized his Pokemon weren't
the only ones hurt. The two began to stare at PC, and PC tried to talk to them,
but the glassy look in their eyes told Impo they were no longer his friends, and the two Pokemon began to lift
him up, and tossed him and the egg into PC's bedroom using a powerful psychic attack.
The psychic waives tossed PC into the back wall, and he snatched the TM case the was caught on his belt and tucked it
into his pocket. A little dizzy, PC ran to the door and fumbled with the lock,
regaining his stance, PC pushed all his weight against the door as the egg began to shake, and cracks appeared
on it.
PC wondered why his Pokemon were treating him like this, and many thoughts crossed his mind.
As he drifted off, he released his strain on the door, the wrong thing to do. The door was blasted off its hinges and PC was thrown behind his bed,
where the egg simultaneously began to shake violently and hatched, revealing a shiny Abra.
PC looked in amazement as the Abra emerged from the egg and nervously looked around.
PC jumped in front of it and shielded it from the attacks.
The Abra looked at PC cautiously, and thinking it was its mother, began to glow, as it transported PC and itself to a safe place,
leaving the stunned Kada and Mimster to search angrily for them.

...TO BE CONTINUED

thats the prologue, plus the little intro.
its not that good, but im a rookie writer
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3DS FC: 3411-1566-9347
Paired to Naya Rivera
Paired to ShiningRaichu

Last edited by Impo; May 17th, 2010 at 01:59 AM. Reason: Prologue/Rules/Gyms
  #2    
Old May 8th, 2010, 05:23 AM
sooty432
Beginning Trainer
 
Join Date: May 2010
Gender: Male
I'll Join in, Just tell me what to do and I'm there!
  #3    
Old May 8th, 2010, 05:45 AM
Swift!'s Avatar
Swift!
The Swiftiest
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Sydney, Australia
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Nature: Docile
Sounds more like an RP than a fanfic. :\
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  #4    
Old May 8th, 2010, 05:47 AM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Sooty: im thinking of making a group to make a whole new regions with the core protagonists (people who join) and a prologue for people to abide by, and maybe gym leaders and the like

Swift: yeah, i aint that good with comparisons
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  #5    
Old May 8th, 2010, 05:54 AM
Izanagi's Avatar
Izanagi
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Age: 17
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Ummmm, what's up?

Yeah, sorry.
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  #6    
Old May 8th, 2010, 06:04 AM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
although i must admit your idea is very awesome
that isnt similar to mine,
the storyline of this isnt a choose your own adventure,
you make up what you do, no restrictions (though be reasonable)
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  #7    
Old May 8th, 2010, 06:09 AM
Izanagi's Avatar
Izanagi
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Not trying to knock out your idea, I thought you were just implying the idea was never before seen or anything. I'd like to partake in yours too. :)
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  #8    
Old May 8th, 2010, 06:18 AM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
i kno its probably not original
i might start writing a prologue or how to join,
but my writing skills may be rusty, just bear with me

i finshed the prologue, need help coming up with city names and region
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3DS FC: 3411-1566-9347
Paired to Naya Rivera
Paired to ShiningRaichu

Last edited by Impo; May 8th, 2010 at 07:13 AM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #9    
Old May 8th, 2010, 07:55 AM
An-chan's Avatar
An-chan
Whoops.
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Finland
Age: 23
I would like to point you to this. I would also like you to note the fact it died not long after it was started. I would also like to point out that there is a rule in this section about quality and general readability, which I think the prologue as it is doesn't really meet. You should have a set of rules for your story - post length rules, readability rules, so forth - to make it really something that's consistent and readable, and the idea still needs a lot of sorting out to do. Yes, it's an interesting idea, but it has been done before and it didn't work that well. I should know, I made that thread back then. Of course, a retry could be a good idea, but like I said, you need to sort out the rules and other general guidelines first.

Secondly, I'm a bit iffy on the idea of having the characters be self-inserts. How would you feel if someone writes a piece in which you do something you'd never really do? And if you're the only person who writes the parts with that specific character, then it's really a roleplay, not a fanfic. The line is vague, but it's still there. I think it's probably best to go with just an entirely fictional cast that people can add to without altering the characters very much.

Anyway, while it's an interesting idea, it has been done, and it didn't work. I suggest you try to make it better than my try at it was to give it a better chance of survival, but it might be that this idea is just doomed from the beginning.
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  #10    
Old May 8th, 2010, 03:57 PM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
i'm gonna have rules
its just that at midnight i cant think of good ones .
well, your playing a character in a whatever type of writing this is,
you can change your personality around, be a different person, you get the pic

if you could help with the rules itd be great :D

and thnx for the comment
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3DS FC: 3411-1566-9347
Paired to Naya Rivera
Paired to ShiningRaichu
  #11    
Old May 8th, 2010, 08:12 PM
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Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
if you could help with the rules itd be great
Following this section's rules would be a starter. Like "all fanfics must be written in a readable manner". This isn't. Grammar is very weak in this, causing confusion on the part of the reader because they don't quite follow what you've written. Even just using spell-check would have helped, and a quick read over before you posted because there are times when you write something correctly, and then don't write it correctly.

As for the idea itself, there isn't much to go by. You don't even have a setting for your character, never mind the characters written by other people. You just say in a city in a region, when there are so many canon settings to use, or even an original region. Deciding where your story takes place can help all the writers involved. Otherwise, they're in the dark with that.

I feel like this was very quickly thought of and then posted. You just ask for everyone's characters, and that could get very messy very quickly. How many characters are going to be interacting at once here? You might not even use all the characters that could be included. And who is writing whose characters?

This could work. But it needs planning. Think of a plot that could require all sorts of characters (Pokemon are rebelling against their trainers. Why?), pick a setting, come up with a reason why these different characters are coming together. Ask around here for people interested in working with you and other people writing this story. Work together outside of one thread where ideas, characters, and whatever else can be discussed so that everyone knows what's going on and how to get there. After working together, you'll have a story that includes everyone and works.

Otherwise, there's going to be a lot of confusion if people can just haphazardly post their characters doing their own things that doesn't even match up with what your character is doing.

A good place to look around and see how this kind of thing works is the Roleplay Corner. You can get a basic idea of how things work there, since as An-chan said, this falls right on the line between fanfic and RP.
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  #12    
Old May 8th, 2010, 09:31 PM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
Vital Spirit
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Earth
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by Astinus View Post
Following this section's rules would be a starter. Like "all fanfics must be written in a readable manner". This isn't. Grammar is very weak in this, causing confusion on the part of the reader because they don't quite follow what you've written. Even just using spell-check would have helped, and a quick read over before you posted because there are times when you write something correctly, and then don't write it correctly.

As for the idea itself, there isn't much to go by. You don't even have a setting for your character, never mind the characters written by other people. You just say in a city in a region, when there are so many canon settings to use, or even an original region. Deciding where your story takes place can help all the writers involved. Otherwise, they're in the dark with that.

I feel like this was very quickly thought of and then posted. You just ask for everyone's characters, and that could get very messy very quickly. How many characters are going to be interacting at once here? You might not even use all the characters that could be included. And who is writing whose characters?

This could work. But it needs planning. Think of a plot that could require all sorts of characters (Pokemon are rebelling against their trainers. Why?), pick a setting, come up with a reason why these different characters are coming together. Ask around here for people interested in working with you and other people writing this story. Work together outside of one thread where ideas, characters, and whatever else can be discussed so that everyone knows what's going on and how to get there. After working together, you'll have a story that includes everyone and works.

Otherwise, there's going to be a lot of confusion if people can just haphazardly post their characters doing their own things that doesn't even match up with what your character is doing.

A good place to look around and see how this kind of thing works is the Roleplay Corner. You can get a basic idea of how things work there, since as An-chan said, this falls right on the line between fanfic and RP.
yeah, maybe i didnt think this through :\
my bad .
and i have the [region name] and etc. as i am still deciding on names and routes,
etc., i was gonna post all the cities, routes, gym leaders, elites, champion and etc.
because i had to go out.
I guess im a rookie at this fanfic stuff

thanks for the comment

if anyone would like to help me make this, prologues, cities and all please PM me .
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3DS FC: 3411-1566-9347
Paired to Naya Rivera
Paired to ShiningRaichu
  #13    
Old May 8th, 2010, 09:37 PM
JX Valentine's Avatar
JX Valentine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
because i had to go out.
Tip: Use a word processor (like Microsoft Word or OpenOffice). You can save your ideas there to give yourself time to work on them instead of trying to get them done as quickly as possible.
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  #14    
Old May 8th, 2010, 09:45 PM
Impo's Avatar
Impo
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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actually, im using notepad, my laptop doesnt have word, publisher or the like .

and on another note, i've decided to make this take place in the Kanto region,
but all pokemon are included, so 4th gen can be seen in the wild, etc.
and i will make up some new characters for gym leaders to replace others .
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  #15    
Old May 8th, 2010, 09:51 PM
JX Valentine's Avatar
JX Valentine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
actually, im using notepad, my laptop doesnt have word, publisher or the like :P :( .
Then why are you pressed for time when it comes to coming up with and posting ideas? O_o (Yes, save your ideas in Notepad or whatever you can as well and post them when you've actually got something more developed for us to look at. That way, you don't give us a half-formed idea because you have to go out.)

In any case, try OpenOffice. It's free to download.
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  #16    
Old May 8th, 2010, 10:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Then why are you pressed for time when it comes to coming up with and posting ideas? O_o (Yes, save your ideas in Notepad or whatever you can as well and post them when you've actually got something more developed for us to look at. That way, you don't give us a half-formed idea because you have to go out.)

In any case, try OpenOffice. It's free to download.
i'll stick with notepad thank you
i'll be sure to edit and rewrite now,
its a long story
i think gym leaders may be confusing, should i leave them as in games or
change to get originality?
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  #17    
Old May 9th, 2010, 02:41 AM
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Okay.

First of all, with the character sign-up and all, you have indeed crossed the line. This is no longer fanfiction, this is an RP, and therefore, it's in the wrong section. If you really want to do it like this, go check the RP section for advice, work on your idea, and then post it as a roleplay. As it is, it doesn't meet the quality standards over there (as far as I know, anyway), so you're going to have to work on it before doing that. However, it also doesn't meet the standards here. For one, it's not a fic to begin with. Another thing is readability: like Astinus said, this isn't very readable. Use spell check, revise the grammar with the help of a few guides, and so forth.

Also, bibliography =/= biography.

Secondly:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
~Remember to use appropriate spelling and grammar, also include similies/metaphores
You are constantly breaking this rule yourself. You misuse words, and your grammar - even in this very sentence - is very shaky. I have no idea what the bit about similies and metaphores is supposed to mean. Like, at all. You have to be more clear with the rules, and you have to follow them yourself. As the one whose idea this was, you will set an example to everyone else. Please touch up your spelling and grammar - and vocabulary - before you impose rules like this on other people.

Yes, it's an important rule, but you also have to abide by it yourself.

Quote:
!!~If you are writing a story that can alter the storyline, and effects not only you and other characters,
please discuss it first (new location, interacting with others, etc.), so people are aware~!!
And this rule effectively leaves everyone to have a dull, OT-type adventure in which they do pretty much nothing until your parts tell them something interesting has happened. It won't be very fun to write about going off on your own and not being able to interact with others or change things without consulting others first. Yes, it's also an important rule, but it also drags this thing even farther from being a fic. You really should go check out the roleplaying section and consider making this into a real RP. As it is, it's a weird hybrid of fanfiction and roleplaying, and I don't think it will work.

You have to pick one, either roleplaying or fanfiction writing, and then go with that one. Otherwise, your idea will probably never work.
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  #18    
Old May 9th, 2010, 02:59 AM
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im sorry .
lucky your here or i'd be even worse .
i my grammar/vocab/etc. is worse, without spell check
(i also find it funny as i'm actually good at grammar/vocab compared to everyone else in my class
at school ).
i'll make a decision, fanfic/RPG, i'll redo everything and try to spell check .
sorry for the trouble

i think this best suits the RP section, so if a MOD would kindly move it, i would appreciate it .
i have to find an editor and maybe a part owner .
i feel bad about breaking so many rules ,
i am putting my heart and soul into this, and i believe the idea in my head is gold,
but the minute i type it up it isnt as clear as i thought it would be
i'll just edit it some more so it meets the standard .
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Last edited by Impo; May 9th, 2010 at 03:20 AM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #19    
Old May 9th, 2010, 10:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
i my grammar/vocab/etc. is worse, without spell check :(
Dude. This is part of why I told you to get a word processor. (Notepad is not a word processor. It's a text editor and therefore lacks important writing tools -- spell-check included -- because it's meant to be used for programming, not writing a story or paper.) By using a word processor, you can save your work, take the time to proofread, and use the built-in spell-check feature (either through the use of enabling spell-check as you type -- the red squiggly lines under each misspelled word -- or just going through a full spell-check after you're done writing). Alternatively, there's online spell-checkers. Feel free to Google one.

Quote:
i am putting my heart and soul into this, and i believe the idea in my head is gold,
but the minute i type it up it isnt as clear as i thought it would be :P
Because you're not giving yourself time to develop it. The more you either say you had to leave before you could post something or the more you say you need to edit your original idea, the more I'm inclined to think you're not actually sitting down and saving your ideas to your own computer (not to the forums) to get a good look at them. If you're looking for ideas and help to develop what you have, look at established RPs and fanfics to get ideas as to what interests people and how these kinds of things are usually run. Of course, the RP section also has detailed guides as to how to build your own game, so I wouldn't skip taking a look at them, either.

In other words, stop saying you'll edit, edit, edit. My advice would be to stop trying to post anything about this idea until you've got something carefully planned out and proofread. ("Planned out" meaning until you've got a storyline synopsis that people can use to figure out what you want the RP to be about and who their characters are, until that synopsis isn't just a generic OT RPG, until you've refined your rules as An-chan pointed out, until you've organized your first post to make it readable, and so on and so forth. Basically, if it takes longer than fifteen minutes to cook up a first post for your game and/or carefully plan what you're trying to do, then you're probably safe.)

Or, in other words, scrap the thread, develop your idea after doing a bit of reading, and post only when you have a better grip on what you're doing. (Astinus can't really move this to the RP section anyway. The RP forum has stricter standards and a moderation queue -- meaning you actually need to be careful in developing your ideas anyway because Alter Ego probably won't let it fly if it's like this.)
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  #20    
Old May 9th, 2010, 02:07 PM
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Impo
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Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Dude. This is part of why I told you to get a word processor. (Notepad is not a word processor. It's a text editor and therefore lacks important writing tools -- spell-check included -- because it's meant to be used for programming, not writing a story or paper.) By using a word processor, you can save your work, take the time to proofread, and use the built-in spell-check feature (either through the use of enabling spell-check as you type -- the red squiggly lines under each misspelled word -- or just going through a full spell-check after you're done writing). Alternatively, there's online spell-checkers. Feel free to Google one.
I'll google one, thanks


Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Because you're not giving yourself time to develop it. The more you either say you had to leave before you could post something or the more you say you need to edit your original idea, the more I'm inclined to think you're not actually sitting down and saving your ideas to your own computer (not to the forums) to get a good look at them. If you're looking for ideas and help to develop what you have, look at established RPs and fanfics to get ideas as to what interests people and how these kinds of things are usually run. Of course, the RP section also has detailed guides as to how to build your own game, so I wouldn't skip taking a look at them, either.

In other words, stop saying you'll edit, edit, edit. My advice would be to stop trying to post anything about this idea until you've got something carefully planned out and proofread. ("Planned out" meaning until you've got a storyline synopsis that people can use to figure out what you want the RP to be about and who their characters are, until that synopsis isn't just a generic OT RPG, until you've refined your rules as An-chan pointed out, until you've organized your first post to make it readable, and so on and so forth. Basically, if it takes longer than fifteen minutes to cook up a first post for your game and/or carefully plan what you're trying to do, then you're probably safe.)

Or, in other words, scrap the thread, develop your idea after doing a bit of reading, and post only when you have a better grip on what you're doing. (Astinus can't really move this to the RP section anyway. The RP forum has stricter standards and a moderation queue -- meaning you actually need to be careful in developing your ideas anyway because Alter Ego probably won't let it fly if it's like this.)
...maybe i should redo the prologue and maybe scrap the thread :\
i have been trying to edit them, i have the other gym leaders on my computer .
i have been thinking about the story heaps, but i was gonna explain all that in the 1st Chapter
wow, i must be bad at this
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  #21    
Old May 9th, 2010, 02:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Impo View Post
i have been trying to edit them, i have the other gym leaders on my computer :P .
...Um, not to be mean or anything, but I'm just wondering if you actually read much of what I have to say. =| No, seriously. I'm actually curious about that. You seemed to completely ignore that bit in my first post to this thread where I suggested you save your work to your own computer instead of try to use "I had to go out" as an excuse for why your ideas haven't been more carefully formed.

I'm suggesting that you not continuously edit everything. Rather, stop and develop your ideas more carefully. Sit down and actually write more out -- more details about your plot, what you're trying to do, what have you -- in a document and save it to your own computer, not to the forum. Post in the appropriate section only when you've got something coherent put together.

Quote:
i have been thinking about the story heaps, but i was gonna explain all that in the 1st Chapter :P
*facepalm* What are you trying to do, exactly? I ask because you said you wanted this thread to move to the RPG forum a couple posts ago, and RPGs run on different principles. (That is, even if you're the game master, you need to detail the synopsis and the basics of what's going on in the first post because your story will be built by your players, not so much you.)

In other words, if you're running an RPG, you'll need to actually tell your players what kind of world this is, where they come in in the grand scheme of things, and so on and so forth. Otherwise, they have no idea what they're doing or what kinds of characters would be best for your type of game. Go look at some of the RPs in the RP forum to see how things are usually formatted.

Otherwise, if you're working on a fanfiction and not an RPG, then other than proofreading, a couple extra tips before I can get into commenting on the story itself:

1. Hit the enter key twice whenever you want to start a new paragraph. This makes your work more readable.

2. Forget the character bios. All of your character details should be brought up in your story anyway, so it's not really necessary.

3. Description. Your story seems to lack it, so you end up relying on vague phrases like "complicated machine" and "oddly-coloured Abra." Readers can't really envision what either mean. A complicated machine to them might be a toaster, and an oddly-colored Abra might be a purple Abra with pink polka dots (and not the shiny you probably meant). Be as specific as possible when it comes to detail so your reader can get a good grasp on what they're supposed to be imagining.

4. Beware of clichés like "a dark and stormy night." This tends to make people not want to take your writing seriously because it's been done so often that kind of thing comes off as a parody.

And, of course, I could make a note about the plot so far, but I'd like to see if you're actually going to keep this thread. You seem to put yourself down a lot, so it tends to raise red flags for potential to want to start over, if that makes sense.

Also, incidentally, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but that smiley you keep using at us basically means you're sticking your tongue out at us. =| If you want us to take you seriously, could you please not use it as a form of punctuation?
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Last edited by JX Valentine; May 9th, 2010 at 03:09 PM.
  #22    
Old May 10th, 2010, 02:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
...Um, not to be mean or anything, but I'm just wondering if you actually read much of what I have to say. =| No, seriously. I'm actually curious about that. You seemed to completely ignore that bit in my first post to this thread where I suggested you save your work to your own computer instead of try to use "I had to go out" as an excuse for why your ideas haven't been more carefully formed.
sorry, i am reading all of what you say, as i take your helping me a big favour
i just dont reply to it all, my bad

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
I'm suggesting that you not continuously edit everything. Rather, stop and develop your ideas more carefully. Sit down and actually write more out -- more details about your plot, what you're trying to do, what have you -- in a document and save it to your own computer, not to the forum. Post in the appropriate section only when you've got something coherent put together.
thank you for the help, i will take that suggestion .
now that i look at it i havent made much clear,
and can i ask you something? should i extend my prologue a little, to make things more
clear, and whats things should i touch up on, as i wrote it i cant really make the
accurate decisions :\

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
*facepalm* What are you trying to do, exactly? I ask because you said you wanted this thread to move to the RPG forum a couple posts ago, and RPGs run on different principles. (That is, even if you're the game master, you need to detail the synopsis and the basics of what's going on in the first post because your story will be built by your players, not so much you.)
well, i dont think i grasp the definitions of RPG/Fanfic, so i guess i will explain it in my own words . It's meant to be a story where others can come in and add to the story, becoming protagonists, evil people, etc.. i have read the RPG rules thoroughly and i believe this would fit more in the RPG, after i touch it up

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
In other words, if you're running an RPG, you'll need to actually tell your players what kind of world this is, where they come in in the grand scheme of things, and so on and so forth. Otherwise, they have no idea what they're doing or what kinds of characters would be best for your type of game. Go look at some of the RPs in the RP forum to see how things are usually formatted.
oh, i finally see whats been bothering my story (i think ), i'll just read through all of the RPGs i can find and confirm my suspicions .
And for adding more detial, i believe that adding a another quick info paragraph would be much more efficient than adding on to the prologue ?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Otherwise, if you're working on a fanfiction and not an RPG, then other than proofreading, a couple extra tips before I can get into commenting on the story itself:

1. Hit the enter key twice whenever you want to start a new paragraph. This makes your work more readable.

2. Forget the character bios. All of your character details should be brought up in your story anyway, so it's not really necessary.

3. Description. Your story seems to lack it, so you end up relying on vague phrases like "complicated machine" and "oddly-coloured Abra." Readers can't really envision what either mean. A complicated machine to them might be a toaster, and an oddly-colored Abra might be a purple Abra with pink polka dots (and not the shiny you probably meant). Be as specific as possible when it comes to detail so your reader can get a good grasp on what they're supposed to be imagining.
i admit i may be lacking description, but the reason i called Abra 'oddly coloured' is because my character has never seen a shiny pokemon and therefore can't elaborate what abras technical name is. and for adding more detial, will do :D .

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
4. Beware of clichés like "a dark and stormy night." This tends to make people not want to take your writing seriously because it's been done so often that kind of thing comes off as a parody.

And, of course, I could make a note about the plot so far, but I'd like to see if you're actually going to keep this thread. You seem to put yourself down a lot, so it tends to raise red flags for potential to want to start over, if that makes sense.

Also, incidentally, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but that smiley you keep using at us basically means you're sticking your tongue out at us. =| If you want us to take you seriously, could you please not use it as a form of punctuation?
gahh, the cliches . im having a hard time finding replacements for them, though, as they best fit the description.
i will keep this thread, if not i will probably ask someone else to take over,
but i do enjoy making my own pokemon story, and nno doubt this will help with my english LAN test in the future , i put myself down for my mistakes. but dont let that fool you, i am very optimistic and believe in my thread 110% :D .
oh, sorry , i dont mean the smilies as a form of insult,
considering a value your comments very much, and, lets face it,
im the lower class writer here . i use the tongue smily to indicate a joke,
no insults intended
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  #23    
Old May 10th, 2010, 01:19 PM
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Impo, your idea won't really work, what you want is an RP without having to deal with making it. But, if say, the story was to remain the same, the same protagonist, bad guy, and etc. and each person wrote the next chapter, I think it would be fine. But, you would have to ask Astinus. That is, because it is more like a Fan Fiction game, the sort of which(or something similar) has been allowed in the past. So yeah I hope that makes sense. Also, should you choose to remain with this idea, make a new thread. But, give it a better title, use the first post for rules and etc. I can help you, should you need it.
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Last edited by Narcissus Secret; May 10th, 2010 at 01:40 PM.
  #24    
Old May 10th, 2010, 10:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Narcissus Secret View Post
Impo, your idea won't really work, what you want is an RP without having to deal with making it. But, if say, the story was to remain the same, the same protagonist, bad guy, and etc. and each person wrote the next chapter, I think it would be fine. But, you would have to ask Astinus. That is, because it is more like a Fan Fiction game, the sort of which(or something similar) has been allowed in the past. So yeah I hope that makes sense. Also, should you choose to remain with this idea, make a new thread. But, give it a better title, use the first post for rules and etc. I can help you, should you need it.
i will need it, it would be awesome if you can help :D .
i'm gonna keep the prologue the same, but i'm gonna add some more detail and edit all mistakes and grammatical errors. i just did a LAN test in english and writing , so i should be able to pick some errors up :D
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  #25    
Old September 13th, 2010, 01:28 AM
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this looks interesting, i'd like to join!

also, i think you should change the name of "Griss" to "Chris" (sounds more real) - but i'm just bouncing ideas

as another Idea, perhaps you could include a character i've been developing in it somewhere (he isn't a main Character, but could easily be mistaken for a bad guy)

in the RP, make sure he is reffered to as "The Dark" - but if you look at my Group "Dark Trainers" (you don't have to join) you can see a Bio of him, he still is a work in progress, though.

hit me up when the new thread starts
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