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  #1    
Old November 6th, 2004, 04:14 PM
Kylie-chan's Avatar
Kylie-chan
the fae sorceress
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Age: 20
Gender: Female
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Well, yeah, the title captures it, but it isn't that great. It's my second song.

Please Don't Go

Don't go why don't you stay awhile?
Don't leave me here all alone in the silent sadness
I know you say well you have to go
But when you leave you take with you all my gladness

You're like a platform of safety
Like a bright glowing buoy for a shipwrecked girl in the sea
I'm like an owl without the night, like the world without the sun
When you go home and leave me

Well when I'm here I'm smiling
When you leave I'm crying
'Cos you quash my fears and dry my tears
And stop my heart from dying

Please don't go I'm drowning
Everytime you leave I get those doubts and fears
It rises up in me 'cause you're what stops it
It's like the darkness enfolding me and shortening my years
And all the times I said goodbye
The pain burnt me from inside and I shed tears
I'm hanging on a thread waiting for you to come back
To lift me up from my unbearable nadirs

Every word you say is like a light
Bright and radiant and I feel enlightened
And I felt your touch and it comforted me
With you I can't get frightened

The door slammed and you disappeared
The depression wave roared in my ears
I was drifting in the dark terror realm
Where the icy cold pain most of all sears


Please don't go I'm drowning
Everytime you leave I get those doubts and fears
It rises up in me 'cause you're what stops it
It's like the darkness enfolding me and shortening my years
And all the times I said goodbye
The pain burnt me from inside and I shed tears
I'm hanging on a thread waiting for you to come back
To lift me up from my unbearable nadirs

BRIDGE:

So when you say you love me
I float up to the top
So when you say I'm your one
I'm aerial
When you say you have to go
I'm falling hard
And when I connect with the ground
The pain devours my heart

Please don't go I'm drowning
Everytime you leave I get those doubts and fears
It rises up in me 'cause you're what stops it
It's like the darkness enfolding me and shortening my years
And all the times I said goodbye
The pain burnt me from inside and I shed tears
I'm hanging on a thread waiting for you to come back
To lift me up from my unbearable nadirs

Please don't go I'm drowning
Everytime you leave I get those doubts and fears
It rises up in me 'cause you're what stops it
It's like the darkness enfolding me and shortening my years
And all the times I said goodbye
The pain burnt me from inside and I shed tears
I'm hanging on a thread waiting for you to come back
To lift me up from my unbearable nadirs

Please come back to me

Oh and yeah that's a lot deeper than "Untitled" because it's actually based on what's happened lately, but paraphrased.

~DP~
EDIT- btw I couldn't get in there's a database problem so 'scuse me if I can't read ur reviews
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Last edited by Kylie-chan; November 6th, 2004 at 04:33 PM.
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  #2    
Old November 6th, 2004, 04:53 PM
Kelsey
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Nice song, DP. I think the flow could use some work, maybe try finding some synonyms for some of the words so there aren't so many idioms. Well, overall, I think your song deserves a thumbs up!

~Kelsey
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  #3    
Old November 6th, 2004, 05:41 PM
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Kylie-chan
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good point but I was using WordPad because Word makes my stupid pc crash and WordPad doesn't have a Thesaurus and I'm too lazy to get up and search around for one
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  #4    
Old November 6th, 2004, 05:43 PM
Kelsey
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LOL, yeah, sometimes I just write poems for the heck of it, good or bad, it all depends on my mood.

~Kelsey
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  #5    
Old November 7th, 2004, 03:48 PM
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Location: Melbourne, Australia
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I would love to form a PC band and record all these songs. I'm sure we could do it.
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  #6    
Old November 11th, 2004, 05:34 AM
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it's nice, kinda reminds me.....[snaps out of it]great job though it's wierd to me how everything you write has some kind of effect on me that lasts like an hour...
-matt
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  #7    
Old November 11th, 2004, 07:53 AM
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Poor Matt...you're as much of a slave you emtions as I am, lol. I wish there was some kind of button that we could use to just turn them off. Very pretty songs, though. I liked bridge...reminded me of...*ahem* anyway, nice lyrics. :D
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  #8    
Old November 12th, 2004, 12:34 AM
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Kylie-chan
the fae sorceress
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New South Wales, Australia
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Nature: Quiet
I thought i stuffed it up... funny how personal stuff always gets stuffed up... thanks you guys.

so many ppl reminded... oh just let me know if I've accidentally plagiarised. I'm an RL author, I have to get told or I'll get into practice of getting influenced by what I've already read and get sued big money o.O And I don't really need that, I'm saving up for a computer. My OWN computer.
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