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  #1    
Old June 2nd, 2010, 08:18 AM
TurtleKing's Avatar
TurtleKing
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Categories: Original, Pokemon
Rating: PG13

Elite Academy



Fortitudo, Pertinacia et Victoria
(Courage, Determination, and Victory)


Books:

Book 1 - Elite Academy: The Unknown Dungeon


Book 2 - Elite Academy: The Sacred Ashes
Spoiler:
Coming Soon!


Cast: (As of Book 1)

Students:
Spoiler:
Tyson Wood - A reserved, humble 14-year-old boy from Pallet Town, Kanto.
Xander Peakes - A sarcastic, wise-cracking 14-year-old boy from Sandgem Town, Sinnoh.
Camille Jacobsen - A sassy tomboy 14-year-old girl from the Seafoam Islands, Kanto.
Wheeler Bartlett - An arrogant, snobby 14-year-old boy from Lavaridge Town, Hoenn.
Ian Garfield - A shy, nature-loving 14-year-old boy from Celadon City, Kanto.
Candace Jensen - A beautiful, classy 15-year-old girl from Cherrygrove City, Johto.
Skyla Dogwood - A sly, witty 14-year-old girl from Goldenrod City, Johto.
Hanley Hawthorne - A slow, dopey 14-year-old boy from Fallarbor Town, Hoenn.
Jean-Paul Anthony
- An intelligent, skillful 15-year-old boy from Pastoria City, Sinnoh.
Brandon Elm - A determined, courageous 17-year-old boy from New Bark Town, Johto.


Professors:
Spoiler:
Professor Rowan - Former Professor of the Sinnoh Region and current Headmaster of Elite Academy.
Professor Bertha - Former Sinnoh Elite 4 member and specialist in the Ground-type. Professor of Breeding courses.
Professor Will - Former Johto Elite 4 member and specialist in the Psychic-type. Professor of Catching and Team Building courses.
Professor Bruno - Former Kanto Elite 4 member and specialist in the Fighting-type. Professor of Traveling courses.
Professor Fantina - Former Sinnoh Gym Leader, Grand Festival Champion, and specialist in the Ghost-type. Professor of Coordinating courses.
Professor Steven - Former Hoenn Champion and specialist in the Steel-type. Professor of Training and Evolving courses.
Professor Lance - Former Kanto Elite 4 member, Champion, and specialist in the Dragon-type. Professor of Battling courses.


Team Cosmos:
Spoiler:
Cyrus - Former leader of Team Galactic.
Archer - Former leader of the second coming of Team Rocket.
Ariana - Former executive of the second coming of Team Rocket.
Petrel - Former executive of the second coming of Team Rocket.
Proton - Former executive of teh second coming of Team Rocket.


Introduction to the Elite Academy Series

This series follows the story of a young man from Pallet Town. However, unlike many children his age, Tyson Wood (age fourteen starting in Book One) has not left on his journey, nor does he have any idea if he will ever be allowed to leave on his journey. He follows the strict rules of his parents and remains humble and respectful to his parents. However, while researching random Pokemon topics on the internet, Tyson discovers the web page of a vast academy that homes several of the worlds best prodigies in the branches of Pokemon Training, Coordinating, Breeding, etc. Tyson desires to become a part of this academy and will stop at nothing to gain acceptance.

But every story has its antagonist. With the demise of Teams Rocket, Magma, Aqua, and Galactic, many people in the world are confident that peace has finally overcome the evil in the world However, when reports of the formation of a revamped team arises, it leaves several Pokemon officials, especially Professor Rowan, wondering if these reports are valid or not. And is this new team a threat to people every where? Only time will tell what the motives and intents of this team are. All that the Pokemon League Conference can do is sit back and prepare for the worst with the given history of evil organizations in the world.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

Last edited by TurtleKing; July 25th, 2011 at 01:26 PM.
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  #2    
Old June 2nd, 2010, 08:19 AM
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TurtleKing
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Elite Academy

The Unknown Dungeon




Chapter One
The Beginning

"Professor, run this idea by me once more. My apologies, I just want to fully understand the thought and purpose behind the change this year." A cloaked man with spiky red hair said as he took a seat at the opposing head of the table. His orange eyes stared at the elderly man dressed in lab robes sitting directly adjacent from him.

"Of course, Lance. I'll be glad to do so. This idea is not necessarily favored amongst the Pokémon World. Ever since I introduced this idea four years to select households, my idea has been looked down upon. But I'm confident that it will be a success."

His name was Rowan. Professor Rowan, former lead professor of the Sinnoh Region. Every year, the six lead officials of a wondrous school known as Elite Academy met every year in Rowan's penthouse in Jubilife City, Sinnoh. Although more times than not, these meetings were brief overviews of the school year, this year would be slightly different.

Rowan stroked his thick, white beard before standing and walking over to the window of the conference room and staring firmly out the window, "This year... we will be admitting students who have no prior experience as Pokémon Trainers, Coordinators, or Breeders. Thus meaning we will have less than amateurs roaming the corridors of Elite Academy."

"With all due respect sir, I oppose this idea. Profusely. It's absurd!" A voice from beside Lance blurted out. The man was dressed in a black suit with a red scarf, "We will surely lose accreditation if we go through with this project and---"

Rowan quickly turned on his heel to face the silver-haired man, interrupting his statement, "Which is why this is a five-year project. Our academy goes under accreditation every five years and we passed with flying colors in the previous years. Now, are you saying that our professors are inadequate to teach Trainers with no prior experience?"

"I think what Steven is saying is that it is a big risk," said a rather muscular guy sitting across from Steven. "Honestly, I'm for the idea with the purpose you told me earlier, sir. It makes complete sense and is our duty as Pokémon League officials to have the protection of our young people in mind first."

Nodding approvingly, the headmaster said, "Thank you, Bruno." Rowan re-focused his attention on Steven, "Now, I haven't told anyone but Bruno this... but, I have received reports from the law system that a new team organization is on the rise. With the happenings of Team Rocket, Team Magma, Team Aqua, and Team Galaxy years ago, we should not allow young people to roam the world at the age of ten without any extensive training from Elite officials as you all."

"I'd like to chime in, Headmaster."

"Go ahead, Bertha."

Clearing her throat, an elderly woman stood, her stylish gray hear bouncing as she said, “I know it's not traditional to do this, but traditions are made to be broken. Nonetheless, we are not doing this without some form of thought input. Four years ago, we sent out notifications to each household about what we are doing. It's up to the parents to decide whether or not they believe in us."

A pause occurred as several of the professors, excluding Steven, nodded their heads in agreement.

"Likewise," she continued, "we've given them study materials to prepare their children for school. They have had ample amount of time to prepare for what we have in store for them at Elite Academy. We have new facilities, training grounds, and areas for our students that will compare to journeying, as well as book and computer learning." Bertha took her seat and gave the floor back to Rowan.

"With that being said, are there anymore questions?" Rowan looked around and took the silence as a no, "Well then. Meeting adjourned. I shall see you all at Elite Academy in the coming days."

The entire faculty gathered their things and departed from the conference room, eventually exiting the building. Two professors lingered behind: Bruno and the contest master and silent-for-this-meeting, Fantina.

"Why so quiet, m'lady?" Bruno asked his fellow Professor as they walked across the hallway.

"Oh, nothing. I'm just... tired. I've been working at the Hearthome Gym all summer as a surprise Gym Leader for the passing Trainers. I've also been a judge at the Contest Hall." She rubbed her hand on her cheek, exhaling through her nose.

Bruno looked at her sideways as they entered an elevator near the end of the hallway, "I know that sigh. What's wrong?"

She shook her head as the elevator closed, "This new organization Rowan spoke of. It's like a never ending chain of evil. It makes you wonder can the world ever be right. Can it ever be civil? Can we all agree for a change?"

Bruno raised his eyebrows, silently thinking as he stared forward at the elevator door; just a few more floors before the bottom one. He looked at her and said, "You know, I don't know if that's even possible. I do know that if the world agreed on everything, it would be plenty boring, right?"

"I suppose, Bruno."

The elevator opened up as the two exited into the city of Jubilife.

"See you at the Academy, Bruno."

"Same to you, Fantina."

*****

Pallet Town was probably one of the most legendary towns across the entire world. To many of the worlds Pokémon Masters, it was simply known as home. From the astounding Red to the marvelous Blue, this town has been known to breed majestic Pokémon masters every single year it seems. Although most natives of this town send their children off on their journeys at the age of ten, some families decide to keep their children around longer because they feel that ten years old is just too young. Though this seems like the logical explanation for most, one other family has another reason.

This family is the Woods family. The Woods family tradition is to become a Pokémon Breeder. The father of the family, Kenta Wood, is a native of Pallet and began his leap into the Pokémon world at the age of five by helping his on the same farm his current family lives on. He married his wife, Carla Wood, whom he met at a Breeding Conference in Viridian City. To this day, it is implied by most Pallet natives that those 'crazy Woods' have never seen outside of Pallet Town or Viridian City.

Kenta and Carla had a son fourteen years ago and named him Tyson. Most families would allow their son to choose his own trade, but it would appear that Tyson was born to become a breeder, just like the entire Wood family. Despite this, Tyson has grown to appreciate breeding, but he would rather do something else with his life and jump from the norm.

It was an ordinary morning like any other. Tyson was laying in his bed as the sunlight beamed into the window on this August day. Being caught by the light, Tyson's hazel eyes opened and he eventually rose from his abode of slumber. Completing his stretch, Tyson stood up and walked over to his dresser with the mirror on it. He definitely was the son of Kenta and Carla Wood because he had his father short spiky brown hair and medium skin and his mother's hazel eyes.

After looking at himself, Tyson wondered over to his closet and opened it up. Having an array of basically the same type of clothes, Tyson grabbed whatever was in the first slot of the hanging line: a red shirt and overalls. He squatted down to the floor and grabbed some barn boots and brown leather gloves as well. After getting dressed, Tyson walked down stairs and noticed that his parents were already gone to the barn. Typical. He grabbed a slice of toast remaining on the kitchen table before heading outside and starting his day.

It was not humid for a change, to Tyson's liking. The Sun was nice, but the cloudless sky and gentle breeze was refreshing. A warm smile appeared on Tyson's face as he walked through the tall grass before meeting with the barn door and opening it. Surprising enough, his father nor mother was not in here.

"Maybe they're doing something else," Tyson thought to himself.

His duty for this morning was to feed the Pokémon, including the new import, a purebred Miltank. This Miltank was bought merely to breed with the family's purebred Tauros to make a Miltank with extremely rich milk. In addition, there were some Ponyta and Rapidash stables that needed to be cleaned as well, to Tyson's dismay.

"If I have to clean more poop up, I'll seriously throw up." Tyson sneered as he placed some poffin on the left side of the Miltank and Tauros's bowl, while placing water in the other. The two Pokémon greeted him happily and began their breakfast.

As Tyson ventured into the stable, sure enough there were brown clumps of feces lying around on the hay that needed to be cleaned. Closing his eyes and exhaling, Tyson muttered a curse word to himself before heading over to dispose of it in a garbage bag that was tied to his waist.

After cleaning up the stables, Tyson ventured out the barn door before bumping into his father. Luckily, they both maintained balance and Tyson did not spill the bag open.

Scrunching up his face, Kenta said, "Wooo, boy. That poop is rank! Definitely the worse smelling one yet. Make sure you put that baby in the mixer so we can make some fertilizer for our crops!"

"Yes sir." Tyson said reluctantly before attempting to walk off.

"Hold on, son." He reached into his pocket handed Tyson several PokéDollars, "I need you to go to Viridian and by some more Poffin Mix and Berries."

"I thought we made some ourselves?"

"Yeah, but you know the humidity over the past week has torched our product. It won't be for another month until we get our products back right. Besides, I'm sure you want to leave Pallet for a change."

Tyson nodded, slinging the bag over his shoulder again, trying his best to avoid the smell.

"Well, get a move on, partner. Hurry back, too. Your mother is making Cinnabar burgers and fries tonight!"

*****

After fertilizing the residue, Tyson immediately took a shower. He could not go to Viridian smelling like poop. There was no way that was happening. As the shower water splashed against his bare body, Tyson began to wonder how and when he was going to tell his parents he was ready to journey out into the world to see what it had to offer. Or at least leave his home. So many of Tyson's friends had left four years ago, while he was forced to remain here and be reduced to slave-like tasks on a daily basis.

After cleaning himself, Tyson stepped out of the shower and draped a towel across his lower body. He exited the bathroom and walked across the hall to his bedroom and closed the door, locking it without thinking about it. As he walked into his room, Tyson looked on his desk at the things he had set out that he would bring on his 'quest' to Viridian City: a bag, a Poketch, and his PokéGear. Tyson was surprised his parents purchased these items; it was not as if he was to leave home anytime soon.

Tyson decided to wear something casual on his journey: a white t-shirt, red hooded jacket, jeans, and his new black and red running shoes. After getting completely dressed and gathering his key items, Tyson went over to the computer and decided to randomly do searches on Pokémon. Tyson, despite no prior field knowledge of Pokémon, was exceptionally knowledgeable about all of the known Pokémon. He always said if he was to become a Trainer, he would start with a Charmander.

While searching, a link at the top of the search engine piqued Tyson's interest. It read:

'Elite Academy Registration - Apply here to see if your child qualifies!'



Feeling a bit bold, Tyson clicked on the link and immediately an application page booted up before him. Eyes widening at the opportunity, Tyson filled out the application with much excitement and pressed the 'Submit Application' button. But when the next screen uploaded, Tyson was sent back to the same application page. However, at the top of the online registrar, a bold, italicized, red link read:

'This child has already been registered for Elite Academy. A confirmation letter will be sent if your child has been accepted.'


"What? Already registered?" Tyson said to himself quietly, "But, who could have already registered me? My parents don't use the computer. Not often anyway..."

"Tyson! When are you leaving for Viridian? It's almost noon!" A feminine voice yelled from downstairs.

Tyson immediately logged off his computer before opening his door and sprinting downstairs, "Right now, Mom."

Once he got downstairs, Tyson noticed his mother chopping up fruit and placing them in a mixer. She was making Tyson's favorite, Fruit Blend Smoothies.

"The food should be ready by the time your back, honey." Carla smiled at her son and nodded, "Hurry on, or your father will be mad. Normally you don't leave this late."

"Fine. Fine. I'm going." Tyson smiled and headed out.

*****

Heading north, it took Tyson little to no time to reach the beginning of the Viridian Forest. While he walked, Tyson whipped out his PokéGear and booted up the internet once more to do a bit of research on this Elite Academy he had previously attempted to apply for. It piqued his interest even more than anyone would even apply him for this school. After searching for the school on the internet, he discovered the home page of the website and scrolled down to 'Brief Description of the Academy':

'Elite Academy of Pokémon Arts and Sciences is a grand academy located between western Johto and eastern Hoenn. The main campus has residence on an extremely large island, but the entire area owned by the academy is an archipelago. The mission of is to enhance the young people of the world's knowledge of battling, catching, training, coordinating, breeding, evolving, team-building, traveling, and the history of the Pokémon World. Likewise, the courses will consist of in-the-class learning as well as hands-on learning. Provided with the help of Elite Professors, we will be sure to help your children achieve their dreams and goals in becoming a Pokémon Master through our school motto: Fortitudo, Pertinacia et Victoria (Courage, Determination, and Victory).'


While walking through the forest, Tyson had to stop in his tracks as he read the description of the academy. It gave him goose bumps thinking of the expertise he could be provided with at this academy. More so than now, Tyson was hoping he would receive a confirmation letter in the mail.

He decided to scroll down the page even more now as he noticed the date all acceptance letters should be received, "August 12th... Whoa! That's today! I better get a move on then!"

Tyson began to sprint to Viridian now, all the while scaring a flock of Pidgeys into flying away from the running young man. Elite Academy was in his sights and he could only hope that his dreams of leaving home would be answered.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

Last edited by TurtleKing; July 24th, 2011 at 02:45 PM.
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  #3    
Old June 2nd, 2010, 06:34 PM
JX Valentine's Avatar
JX Valentine
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As a minor side note, a prologue isn't a summary of the story. It's actually a standalone chapter that sets up the story proper. As in, it's an actual part of the story, but it occurs before, during, or after the events of chapter one in order to set the mood, background, et cetera. Or in even shorter terms, it's just like any normal chapter.

Also as a side note, you'll probably want to save that image and upload it to your own server. And, you know, credit the artist. You don't want to risk pissing off the artist via art theft, and you certainly don't want to run into any troubles about stealing bandwidth.

That being said, let me start with chapter one.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
"Professor, run this idea by me once more. My apologies, I just want to fully understand the thought and purpose behind the change this year." I cloaked man with spiky red hair said as he took a seat at the opposing head of the table.
Be careful. First off, I want you to try replacing the comma after "apologies" with a period. Notice how you get two separate independent concepts as a result? Keep the period there, in that case, because you're dealing with a comma splice otherwise.

Also, watch your dialogue. In fact, looking over the rest of this chapter, it seems to be one of your key issues here, so let me outline the rules.

In order to understand them, every piece of dialogue contains up to two basic parts: a quote and a dialogue tag. The quote is the part in quotation marks, and the dialogue tag is the part outside of it – the part that says something along the lines of "he said" and the part that describes how the quote is being spoken. Both parts are fragments of a single sentence, so you actually end up having to punctuate with a comma, depending on where in the sentence the dialogue tag occurs.

And now, the rules, using an abridged version of the above as an example:

Spoiler:
Tag Before the Quote
A cloaked man said, "Professor, run this idea by me once more. My apologies. I just want to fully understand the thought and purpose behind the change this year."
Note the comma after the word "said." You're leading into the quote, so you're attaching the dialogue tag to it like an adjective to a noun. Also note that although you're separating the tag and the quote with a comma, you do not capitalize the first word of a quote. This is because it's the beginning of the spoken sentence.

Tag After the Quote
"Professor, run this idea by me once more. My apologies. I just want to fully understand the thought and purpose behind the change this year," a cloaked man said.
What you should do above. Note that there's a comma before the dialogue tag. This is, like above, to attach the dialogue tag to the quote. Also note that you don't capitalize the first word of a dialogue tag that occurs after the quote it's attached to, even if the quote itself ends in an exclamation point or a question mark.

Tag Inside a Quote: Non-Interrupting
"Professor, run this idea by me once more," a cloaked man said. "My apologies."
OR
"Professor, run this idea by me once more." A cloaked man said, "My apologies."
If the dialogue tag occurs between two sentences of a quote, you need to figure out which half of the quote the dialogue tag should be attached to and punctuate it as if the other half doesn't exist. For example, if you attach the dialogue tag to the part of the quote before it, punctuate it like the tag after the quote rule.

Tag Inside a Quote: Interrupting
"Professor," a cloaked man said, "run this idea by me once more."
If the tag occurs between two words of the same sentence, then just surround it with commas.

Not a Tag
"Professor, run this idea by me once more." He sat down.
Note that the sentence outside the quote doesn't have any word that indicates it's telling the reader how a line is being spoken. Only then is it its own separate sentence because it's not modifying the quote at that point.


These are tricky rules, but they're extremely common with fiction. So, it's just better to memorize them.

Also, I'm just assuming you mean "a cloaked" instead of "I cloaked" there. Otherwise, it reads awkwardly. Either way, be careful with your pre-post editing.

Lastly, somehow, I feel like you're trying to convey too much information in that single line. I'm not talking about the quote here. I'm just talking about the dialogue tag itself. You try describing the character and what he's doing as well as modifying the quote all in one go. Perhaps try to put some of that into its own sentence to make the tag a bit simpler. Remember, the goal of the tag is just to tell the reader how a line is being said.

Quote:
Ever since I introduced this idea four years to select households,
Are you missing "ago" after that "four years," or is that phrase actually not supposed to be there?

Here's a small tip that might help you with your proofreading: read your work aloud. That way, you can hear how every line sounds, so you'll be able to pick up awkward parts of the story because you'll be able to hear when something doesn't entirely sound right. It's goofy and best done where no one can hear you, but it might help you avoid strange errors like missing words in your work.

Quote:
"This year... we will be admitting students who have no prior experience as Pokemon Trainers, Coordinators, or Breeders. Thus meaning we will have less than amateurs roaming the corridors of Elite Academy."
It actually feels like this might be better as a single sentence. Rowan's last line here just further details the circumstances of the first line, so I'm not sure if he would actually have much of a pause at that point, if that makes sense.

Quote:
Bruno raised his eyebrows, silently thinking as he stared forward at the elevator door; just a few more floors before the bottom one.
Because the last part is a sentence fragment that isn't actually closely related to the elevator door, you don't need a semicolon there. I would suggest actually putting a full stop there to imply that the narrator is delving into Bruno's head for a brief second instead of just observing him from the outside.

Quote:
the worlds Pokemon Masters,
Again, be very careful with your proofreading. Possessive nouns (like "world's") need apostrophes to show that they own the noun that come after them.

Quote:
some families decide to keep their children around longer because the feel that ten-years-old is just too young.
First off, you actually don't need to hyphenate "ten years old." You only do that if the phrase is functioning as an adjective (the ten-year-old trainer) or a noun (the ten-year-old). Here, it's acting as its own phrase; it's not referring to a specific object (other than, well, itself) in any way. (This is only significant because if you were trying to use that phrase in its hyphenated form, you'd be screwing around with plurals and whatnot. In other words, the meaning of the sentence would actually change. The non-hyphenated version means that the age is too low; the hyphenated version would mean that a specific trainer or group of trainers were too young.)

Second, it took a second read-through to realize you meant "they feel" and not "of the feeling" when you said "the feel" here. It might seem like nitpicks and whatnot, but yes, proofreading really does help a reader by actually putting down on paper the meaning you're trying to get across. Even a single letter difference can change a sentence slightly. Yes, I know it might seem minor, and I did get what you were trying to say after a quick second read-through. However, you'll want to avoid forcing the reader to go through that second read-through by being as careful as you can be in the proofreading process.

Quote:
The Woods family tradition is to become a Pokemon Breeder.
This feels a bit awkward because it implies that the tradition is literally going to be a breeder or that there's only one member of the Woods family. I would suggest perhaps rephrasing this so that it reads something along the lines of, "It's a tradition in the Woods family that every member becomes a Pokémon Breeder." That way, you make the meaning a bit clearer by specifying who or how many members in the Woods family follow this.

Quote:
his father short spiky brown hair
Again, be careful about possessives. You actually punctuate a possessive phrase correctly later on in this sentence when you talk about his mother's hazel eyes.

Quote:
This Miltank was bought merely to breed with the family's purebred Tauros to make a Miltank with extremely rich milk.
I'm just a little curious about what canon this fic's following. Logically, you'd think that Tauros and Miltank would get it on to produce a calf, but in canon, they can't breed. It's a minor point that's more for curiosity than to say that you'd have to correct it; I'm just wondering about what your stance on the rules of breeding are for this fic verse, considering you've got a character who's well-versed in breeding (regardless of whether or not he wants to do it).

Quote:
So many of Tyson's friends had left four years ago, while he was forced to remain here and be reduced to slave-like tasks on a daily basis.
I do have to say that you handled the older trainer bit very well. Most people just say "ten's too young," but you don't say everyone thinks like that or change canon laws to fit your story. Instead, you say that it's a parental decision, and then, you create a character whose parents have a really good reason for holding him back. It's not because they're overprotective or anything. A farm takes a lot of work to run, and it's a family-run farm. So, this ends up being probably one of the most believable reasons for having an older character I've seen yet.

Quote:
It peaked his interest
Whenever you arouse a certain emotion, you actually say that emotion was piqued, not peaked. Homophones, but not quite the same thing.



Now, I'm going to say that although I spent four pages in OpenOffice going through corrections, don't be too discouraged. Actually, I like this story. It's a decent beginning, and it's refreshing to see that this fic isn't treating the academy concept as just a springboard for someone's training career or as an excuse to do a high school fic. Rather, there will be learning done, and the audience will have a chance to experience the school themselves. My only discomfort with the idea is that I wonder if any normal classes will be taught (biology, mathematics, what have you) or if you'll be focusing mainly on Pokémon. The reason why I ask this is because this sort of reminds me of real-life academies like ones specialized for the performing arts. While they might have a single focus, they also embrace the standard disciplines, and it'd be interesting to see if this school tries to do so. On the other hand, it's also implied in canon that Pokémon academies like Pokémon Tech just focus on Pokémon, so you could go either way.

Moreover, in terms of characterization, all of your canon ones are believable. When I read Rowan's speech, I could definitely hear his voice, and when I read Bruno's lines, I immediately thought of the way he is in Special.

Your original characters are equally well-built. Tyson and his family are likable. His parents aren't jerks or overprotective for keeping him back. Even if they only get a few lines, they're parents. Tyson, meanwhile, isn't whiny about the fact that he didn't get to go. Sure, he regrets it and really wants something more than this provincial life the life he thinks he's being forced to have as the son of the Woods family. Instead, he realizes that his parents are good people with these expectations, and he's trying to figure out how to do things without upsetting them as opposed to being an ingrateful prick and just run away. Even if it's the first chapter, we already know enough about these characters to actually want to read about them because they're not the cliché, archetypal parents and teenaged trainers, and they're not obnoxious or flat, either.

The only downside so far, then, is your proofreading. There's a lot of simple errors here – errors that I really do think you can fix if you read over your work a bit more carefully and get the dialogue rules down pat.

I'm definitely interested in seeing where this is going, so I'll keep an eye on it.
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Old June 2nd, 2010, 08:50 PM
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TurtleKing
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Thank you, JX Valentine. I've been wondering about that rule for sometime and glad you made it clear for me. I think proofreading out loud will be very beneficial for me, so I will take your advice and begin to do that. Again thanks for the constructive criticism and I am glad you enjoyed the first chapter. I shall be posting chapter 2 in the coming days.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two
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Old June 3rd, 2010, 06:58 AM
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Chapter Two
The Invitation

In no time Tyson emerged out of the Viridian Forest and had made his way into the PokéMart. Walking down the aisle, Tyson overheard a woman conversing with her daughter. No surprise to Tyson, the topic of Elite Academy was being discussed.

"Mom, you signed me up for Elite Academy right? All of my friends have applied."

"Yes, for the umpteenth time. I took care of that last week. The question is: have you been going over the study materials they provided for you?"

"Well," the girl pondered an excuse to give her mother. "You see, I thought about studying earlier, but the Grand Festival was on for three weeks. Therefore, I got distracted, but for good reason."

"So you're basically saying you 'studied' by watching the Grand Festival?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Mom."

Tyson found himself slightly laughing at the minor standoff between mother and daughter. When he finally was recognized by the two females, Tyson gently waved nervously before grabbing poffin mix off the shelf and proceeding down the aisle.

When he gathered all the materials his parents asked him to get, Tyson went into the checkout lane, paid the necessary amount, and went on his way. He had hopes of getting back to Pallet before two o'clock and he was making quick progress, thanks in part to his new running shoes. Tyson began his sprint into the Viridian Forest, darting past the same Pidgeys he had frightened earlier. Unfortunately, luck was not on Tyson's side this time around as he tripped over a thick root, stumbling face first onto the forest floor.

"Oomph!" Tyson mumbled as he picked himself up, spitting out blades of grass from his mouth, "That definitely was not one of my best trips."

It was then Tyson overheard someone from the other side of a large tree nearby. It sounded like a crazed man. Standing up, Tyson went over to eavesdrop, resting his back on the bark as he slightly poked his head out to listen closely.

"It would appear that only one child from Pallet will be attending Rowan's Academy in the fall. Most of Pallet Town's youth have already started their quests which could have a negative impact on our plans."

Then, a silky feminine voice was heard.

"Regardless of that, there have only been exactly twenty-five children who have left Pallet Town over the years. As far as we are concerned, one less brat to deal with is fine in my book."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Something about those Pallet Town brats really irks my nerves."

"Your nerves!? Imagine how the Boss felt when he was defeated by Pallet natives."

"Pallet Town brats? One child? The Boss?" Tyson thought to himself.

"Did you hear something?" The female asked, "It sounded like leaves rustling."

Tyson took that as his cue to evacuate the forest and get his rear end back home.

*****

Rather than running home, Tyson decided to walk at a brisk, steady pace to ensure that he did not trip again. As he approached his house, he noticed that the front door was open, which could only mean that the Wood residence had a guest. Right now, Tyson could care less about a guest in the house; the most important thing to him was an envelope in the mail that had anything to do with Elite Academy.

As he approached the pathway to the front door, Tyson stopped at the mailbox and opened it. There were no envelopes. The mailman definitely had already delivered due to it being past two now. Sighing, Tyson jammed his free fist into his pocket as he walked through the door, speaking to his parents and the guest sitting on the couch.

"I'm back," Tyson said. He then realized who it was sitting on the couch, "Bruno of the Elite 4!?"

The muscular man smiled at the young, baffled boy as he said, "Well, I'm a former Elite 4 member now." He sipped some tea provided by Tyson's mother, "I'm a Professor at Elite Academy now and have been so for quite some time now."

"Elite Academy?" Tyson looked to his parents, "You signed me up for Elite Academy?"

Kenta shook his head, hands in pocket. He raised his eyebrows and said, "Nope, not at all, son. You were recruited by Professor Rowan directly to become a pupil at this Academy."

"It just amazes me," Bruno interrupted, "that you didn't receive any study materials despite being recruited. Nonetheless, I'll be sure to fill you in on things when we go to Celadon."

"Whoa," Tyson looked to his parents again, "You're gonna allow me to go to Elite Academy?"

"It seems prestigious," Carla said. "And if an Elite 4 member sees potential in you, I have no problem with allowing you to go. Just make sure you keep in contact with us."

Kenta nodded and smiled a bit, "Normally, I would detest and defer from letting you leave, but Bruno convinced us with some supporting details about how much you could learn and accomplish at the academy."

Tyson bit his lip as he stared at the white carpentry beneath his feet. Finally, the chance of a lifetime had arrived for him and already he was unsure about carrying out the task. What exactly could Bruno have said to alter his parents’ thoughts about granting access to leave his home? Why couldn't he be the one to play the role of clincher when it came to this? These questions spiraled around Tyson's brain as he exhaled through his nose.

"Something wrong, honey?" Carla questioned.

"Heh," Bruno chuckled. "The boy is just absorbing this all in. I mean it is a lot to take in at once, especially coming from a young man who has never had this opportunity before."

Tyson looked up as Bruno and nodded his head in agreement. He couldn't find words to say and was completely overwhelmed at how fast things were going. Earlier he was so ready to leave, but now that opportunity came knocking in the form of one of the best Pokemon Trainers in history, Tyson was playing the role of a shaky little boy.

"Umm," Tyson began, "can I have overnight to sleep on this and think about it? I promise to have an answer by sunrise."

"Absolutely," Bruno nodded. "I'll be back here at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. Until then, I'll be taking residence in the Viridian Forest. My Pokemon and I have to complete some intense summer training before school starts back. Until then!"

Carla showed Bruno out as Kenta walked over to his son, placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "Let's eat. I'm sure some burgers will help you get your mind set on a clear decision."

*****

After his meal, Tyson sat outside on the porch swing resting his hands on the back of his head as he watched people of the town go about their daily routine. Children were playing tag in the street, adults were doing yard work, and house Pokemon were keeping a watchful eye over both. Tyson began to wonder, as he usually does, how he and his future Pokemon would work together as a team. He feared that one day he would lose control or the trust of a Pokemon he owned and it would turn against him. It has happened in previous years and no human gets any special treatment in this world, no matter what title they claim.

As Tyson sat there, it appeared that the Woods' family pet made its way out of the doghouse in the backyard and on to the porch in the front yard.

"Growlie, where have you been all day?" Tyson said as he looked down at the elderly Growlithe.

Growlie came to the Wood household years before Tyson was born. In fact, Growlie did not even have a Pokéball, because he merely befriended Kenta after the elder Wood noticed the Growlithe herding his flock of Mareep.

Growlie clambered on to the porch seat and rested his head in Tyson's lap, waiting to be massaged. Tyson willingly did so and looked out yonder again. Unlike Tyson's parents, Growlie knew all of Tyson's hopes and dreams.

"Well, Growlie," Tyson said, looking down at the Growlithe, "I've got a big decision to make by tomorrow morning. What do you suggest, boy?"

Growlie began to pant happily, his tongue sticking out as he lifted up to lick one of his owner's cheeks. Tyson laughed to himself and quickly wiped away the saliva from his face and rubbed it against the wooden arm rest.

"I guess that means you'll be happy as long as I'm happy," Tyson smiled. "Right?"

Growlie barked.

"Right," Tyson nodded and stood up. By now it was becoming slightly darker with dusk in the horizon, "I think I'll go walk around the forest for a bit."

He picked up the bag that was lying beside the porch swing and slung it over his shoulder. Normally he would notify his parents about him leaving to the forest, but this time Tyson felt that he could keep this to himself. Besides, it would just be a normal walk in the forest... right?
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

Last edited by TurtleKing; July 24th, 2011 at 02:44 PM.
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Old June 3rd, 2010, 12:13 PM
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Chapter Three
A New Team

Something about the Viridian Forest at night calmed and soothed Tyson down. Out here, it was much easier to think rather than at his home in Pallet. As he walked, a few wild Hoothoot watched him closely. One in particular began to hop from branch to branch in an attempt to study the human closely. Unlike earlier, the forest was quiet and tranquil. Tyson stopped for a moment as he approached a tree and looked up at it.

He considered climbing the large earth-built structure, but he considered the feelings of the Pokemon that lived in that tree and decided not to. Instead, Tyson sat down between two thick roots and rested his head back on the surprisingly comfortable bark. Now was a more perfect time than ever to go over the pros and cons of attending Elite Academy.

"Okay," Tyson began thinking to himself, "if I don't attend the academy, I'll be stuck at home participating in the same routine on a daily basis. However, I've grown accustomed to doing that so it's not that big a deal."

He rubbed his hands together as he reached into his bag and pulled out a brochure that Bruno had given his family while the Elite 4 member visited.

"But," Tyson said out loud, "Elite Academy has so much to offer. I could learn from the best, begin my own journey, meet new friends, and make a name for myself."

Soon, the same Hoothoot that was studying Tyson before fluttered down from the tree branch and began to waddle closer to Tyson. The Owl Pokemon appeared to be extremely friendly and didn't seem to mind Tyson's presence.

Smiling, Tyson said, "Hey there, fellow."

Then, from seemingly the canopy of the forest, a large body mass came slamming onto the ground beside the Hoothoot, causing the Pokemon to fly away quickly. Tyson jumped, allowing time for his eyes to analyze what just happened and what had collapsed in front of him. The figure appeared to be a Pokemon with four muscular arms. Tyson was unable to decipher the color of the Pokemon, but he knew that if he had time to identify the color successfully, this monster would surely attack. Just as he was about to run, a voice from behind the beast yelled at Tyson.

"Tyson!" a familiar voice called. "Don't be alarmed. It's me, Bruno! My Machamp will not hurt you!"

Tyson eyes lit up when he heard Bruno's voice. He ran around the Machamp where he met up with the Pokemon Master.

"Listen closely," Bruno said. "I know this is all is going to appear to come at you fast, but my team and I are being attacked by rabid Pokemon. I'm not sure where they came from. However, with you having no Pokemon on you, you need to get out of here as soon as possible."

Tyson looked up at the much larger Bruno as the man spoke. He understood his words clearly, but he had to rebuttal, "I want to help you. I'll be at Elite Academy soon, right? Well, what better starting experience than helping to fend off wild Pokemon."

Snarling sounds could be heard from past the tree where Tyson was sitting. Both Tyson and Bruno turned their attentions towards the source as Machamp stood ready in front of them. From the shadows emerged two canine-looking Pokemon, foaming at the mouth as their blood red orbs glowed in the moonlight.

Tyson faltered slightly as he bared his teeth in fear, "Mightyenas!"

These Mightyenas did not look like ordinary Mightyenas. Their teeth were far sharper, hair was far bushier, and claws were far lengthier. The two Bite Pokemon charged at Machamp, one clamping onto the Fighting-type Pokémon’s bottom left arm while the other clamped to the bottom right arm. Yelping in intense pain, Machamp flailed its fist in clockwise and counterclockwise motions in an effort to get rid of the rabid Pokemon.

"Machamp, Seismic Toss," Bruno commanded.

After receiving attack orders, Machamp leaped up with both Mightyenas' mandibles still attached to its arms. Tyson and Bruno both looked up as Machamp jumped at least twenty-five feet in the air before flipping forward. It then proceeded too thrust both of its bottom arms down, hurling the Mightyenas off its arms and spiraling towards the earth. In an instant the Mightyenas' bodies crashed into the dirt, bouncing off the ground before fully fainting. Machamp landed on its feet powerfully and gave out a victory roar, pumping its chest repeatedly.

"Good deal, Machamp," Bruno nodded at his most powerful Pokemon. "Take a well deserved rest."

Bruno took out a Pokéball and a crimson beam shot from the compressor of the orb, engulfing Machamp's entire body before capsuling it within the sphere. Just as Bruno returned his Pokemon, similar red beams shot out of the sky, only these beams looked like whips that dragged the bodies of the Mightyenas. The beams shrouded the Mightyenas' bodies before returning them to a source.

Standing on a hilly portion of the forest was a man dressed in a dark jumpsuit. His turquoise hair appeared sharp and erect, as if it were completely solid. The man turned on his heel as he disappeared into the night, leaving Tyson wondering who could possibly possess such savage Pokemon and sic them on passing people.

Bruno gave a fierce look to the man before he left and then said to Tyson, "I reckon that's a confidant to the new evil organization." He looked down at Tyson who appeared to be calmer now.

"You mean like Team Rocket?" Tyson questioned. "But I thought they disbanded several years ago."

"It's more than just Team Rocket, kid," Bruno replied, shaking his head and then looking up into the sky. "I don't know what exactly we're dealing with right now, but I'm pretty sure Rowan knows more than anyone else. If we want the direct answers, we'll have to ask him. However, I highly doubt he would discuss this sort of topic with a student."

Tyson nodded, understanding completely.

"All the more reason to attend Elite Academy!" Bruno added, beaming so much that it appeared as though he was squinting.

*****

The next morning definitely was not like any other morning for Tyson. It's not every day an Elite 4 member is sitting at your kitchen table sharing breakfast with you. Tyson came down the stairs dressed in his pajama attire. His mother had made his favorite meal: pancakes, bacon, eggs, and Bluk Berry muffins.

As Tyson took a seat beside Bruno, the muscular man looked to Tyson's mother, "You make a fabulous breakfast, Carla. I'm sure Tyson will absolutely love the food at the academy as well because the product is just as good!"

Kenta walked into the kitchen, newspaper at hand. He overheard Bruno's comment and raised his eyebrows, "Oh, so you've decided you'll go to the academy, son?"

After gulping a big bite of his muffin, Tyson said, "Yes. Last night, I notified Professor Bruno---"

"Please," Bruno interrupted, "just call me Bruno. Professor makes me sound old. True I am, but not nearly as old as Rowan." He gave a hearty laugh.

Tyson smiled as well and corrected himself, "Right. I notified Bruno last night that I'm ready to attend Elite Academy."

"And you came to this conclusion how?" his father asked. It wasn't that Kenta had intentions to disagree with his son. He just wanted to see where his son was coming from for a change. It was interesting to him that his son was articulate.

"Well," Tyson began, "I've had aspirations to be a Trainer for quite some time. I know the family tradition for every child is to ultimately become a world class Breeder, but I think I want to try my hand at battling Pokemon." He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts before speaking again, "I appreciate the discipline you and Mom have taught me, but I'm fourteen years old. I think, no, I know I'm capable of achieving great things, especially with the way you two have raised me."

Both of his parents smiled brightly, nodding their heads in unison as they listened to their only child speak. It was as though he had matured right before their eyes.

Bruno chimed in, "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Wood, it appears as though you've got a fine young man on your hands. I promise to keep him out of trouble at the academy. And if he does get in trouble, he'll have to deal with me. As you can see, I'm a big man. Therefore, I don't think he would want to disappoint and upset me." He elbowed Tyson lightly with a joking chuckle.

"You better get packing then son," said Kenta.

"That's right," added Carla. "You're going to Elite Academy."

*****

Later on that day, Tyson sat in his room aboard the S.S. Anne. The ship was in pursuit of Celadon and would not take very long to reach its destination. Tyson sat on the rough mattress of the bed as he stared out the spherical window. It was the first time Tyson had ever been on a cruise ship and he was amazed at the deep blue hue of the sea.

With the idea of being a Trainer on his mind, Tyson decided to change into suitable clothing: a burgundy windbreaker with a darker shade of burgundy hoody, fitted blue jeans, and red and white sneakers. With these clothes on, Tyson felt completely different from his overall-wearing days back at home. Now, he felt like a Trainer.

There was a knock at Tyson's door and he got up to answer it.

Bruno was standing there, dressed in his normal karate attire, "Hey, glad to see you're comfortable. You changed clothes, I see."

Tyson grinned, looking down at his attire, "Yeah, I normally don't wear these types of clothes, but I guess I have a chance to now."

Bruno appeared to be a friendly person to Tyson and he had already gain respect from the young boy. It was nice for Tyson to know that he had someone he could turn to at the academy when he had a question about something.

Smiling, Bruno said, "Well, we'll be in Celadon City in about thirty to forty-five minutes. I'm pretty sure some of your future fellow classmates will be there too."

Tyson smiled, "Nice. So why are we going to Celadon City?"

"To get your school supplies, of course. You'll get some regular items, key items, and your first Pokemon too."

"Awesome! Thanks for the insight! I think I'll just hang in here for a while until we reach our destination."

"Alright then," Bruno nodded before closing the door behind him.

Tyson smiled to himself as he jumped back onto his bunk and looked out the window again, marveling at the beauty of the world. For the first time in a long time, Tyson felt liberty. The few words of Bruno excited him even more. He would be getting his first Pokemon. Things were about to get moving in his journey to becoming a Trainer and he would be sure to cherish every second of it. The fluidity of the ocean gently rocked Tyson's eyes shut as he drifted to sleep.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

Last edited by TurtleKing; July 24th, 2011 at 02:53 PM.
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  #7    
Old June 4th, 2010, 05:05 PM
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My review as of Chapter 1...

Quote:
Clearing her throat, the just a elderly woman stood, her stylish gray hear bouncing as she said, "I know it's not traditional to do this, but traditions are made to be broken.
I think you mean “an elderly woman stood...”

Quote:
and Tauros's bowl, while placing
Okay, with a Pokémon that has a ‘s’ as the last letter of its name, no apostrophe is needed. Rather the word should be like this: Tauros’

Quote:
Feces
It is spelt like this... ‘faeces’

Quote:
laying
Should be ‘lying’

Quote:
PokeDollars
Pokédollars is how I was taught to do it.

Quote:
Poketch
Pokétch

Same applies.

Quote:
seach
Where is the ‘r’ ?

Quote:
Virdian
Viridian is how it is officially spelt.

Quote:
PokeGear
PokéGear

Quote:
scaring a flock of Pidgeys
“... flock of Pidgey...”

Yeah, it is interesting and well-written despite the mistakes.
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Old June 4th, 2010, 06:04 PM
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A few side notes, but:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Legendarian Mistress View Post
Okay, with a Pokémon that has a ‘s’ as the last letter of its name, no apostrophe is needed. Rather the word should be like this: Tauros’
Do you mean no S is needed, rather than no apostrophe?

However, even so, when a word ending with S is actually a singular noun (as Tauros is in this case), you can do one of two things: add in only an apostrophe or add an apostrophe S. The reason why is because it's still a singular noun, so whether or not you want to punctuate it like a singular noun is completely up to you so long as you're consistent.

Quote:
It is spelt like this... ‘faeces’
It can be either.

Quote:
Pokétch

Same applies.
Because of the difficulty in creating the acute macron over the E (because different OSes do it differently, and occasionally, how to get special characters to appear might vary by your keyboard layout), you could actually leave the macron off if you choose to do so. That is, although it's not without the macron in official material, "Pokemon" is just as acceptable in fandom as "Pokémon."

Apologies to TurtleKing. Just offering different options. I'll take a look at the next chapters once four and five are posted.
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Old June 5th, 2010, 01:28 PM
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Chapter Four
The Marketplace

A thirty minute nap seemed like a lifetime for Tyson as he slowly woke up at the sound of the ship horn. The S.S. Anne had just anchored at the port of Celadon City and all passengers were to make their way off. Tyson sat up and gathered his things as Bruno opened the door.

"We're here. Are you all set?"

Tyson, struggling with his bags, nodded and said, "Yeah, I'm ready."

Bruno chuckled and said, "First year. You'll learn not to pack so many clothes, heh. We've got shops at the academy that sells clothes for an affordable price."

"Gee," Tyson teased, "you sound like a salesman."

Once the two got off the vessel, they immediately headed into the city. Although it was big, Celadon City was quite friendly. As Tyson looked around, he saw several people his age going in and out of stores in the marketplace. A distinguished blond boy caught Tyson's eye because he was fumbling with his low-tech Poketch.

"I saw your Poketch earlier," Bruno nodded at Tyson as they walked along the sidewalk. "It's on the requirement list, but most students have them prior to attending school. All you need is this." Bruno handed Tyson the Elite Academy required items list:

-Uniform Fitting
-Books: "Breeding and You", "How to Build the Perfect Pokemon Team", "Pokemon World Geography", "Beauty in Battling", "Evolution 101", "Training Regiments", "Pokemon Biology", and "From Cover to Cover: Becoming a Pokemon Master"
-Bag
-Poketch
-PokeGear
-Potions, Antidotes, Awakenings, Repels, Paralyze Heals, Escape Ropes, and PokéBalls
-Starter Pokémon

"I scratched out the items you already had in advanced." Bruno said.

"There are so many books!" Tyson exclaimed.

"Yeah, there are," Bruno replied. "But more times than not, Professors at Elite Academy tend to favor hands-on experience rather than book experience. It's part of a new movement."

"Eh..." Tyson still didn't approve.

"Come on! We've got to hurry and get your supplies before the S.S. Elite arrives!"

*****

First, Tyson found himself at the Celadon Shopping Mall. He was standing on top of a platform in front of a tri-mirror display. A woman entered the room as Bruno stood on the wall, arms folded as he waited for the assistant to measure Tyson for his uniform at the academy.

"So, you're going to Elite Academy? Where are you from?" the assistant asked while measuring the length of his legs and arms. Off to the side, the lady's Meowth extended the measuring tape to a suitable range.

Tyson held out his arms, displaying his wingspan, as he answered the question, "Yes, ma'am, I am. And I'm from Pallet Town."

After she completed measuring his lengthier body parts, the assistant measured Tyson's waist before looking up at him at the mentioning of Pallet Town. "Pallet Town, hmm? Interesting. Not a lot of kids from that town go to Elite Academy or academies in general. They usually go straight to journeying."

"Tyson Wood here is an exception," Bruno added. "We expect great things from. Who knows? Maybe he'll start a tradition of Pallet Town children attending Elite Academy. It is my understanding that he's the only child from Pallet enrolled at our academy."

The lady whipped the measuring tape back into the holster with the sound of a clack. She stood up, writing down her results as she faced the two, "Well, I wish you the best of luck, Tyson Wood."

"Thank you, ma'am." Tyson said, nervously for some reason. That woman was quite appealing to his eyes.

*****

Inside the Celadon Bookstore, Tyson and Bruno elected to separate the task of finding books. Tyson was to find the first three, while Bruno was to locate the last four. Walking down an aisle near the back of the carpeted store, Tyson peered through the shelves and looked at the last names of authors to find the right book. He began to walk sideways as he read the last names out loud.

"John, Johnson, Jonas, Jones," Tyson whispered, before bumping into a male carrying books.

The books flew into the air before landing down on Tyson's body and the other boy's body as well. Both collapsed to the ground at the minor pain and slowly got to their knees to reassemble the book pile.

"Ah, man," Tyson began, "I'm sorry for knocking your books down. I totally got sidetracked and distracted. I do that often."

The boy nodded, understanding where Tyson was coming from. "It's alright, no harm done."

He appeared to be friendly to Tyson and was much taller and lankier than him as well. His hair was short and an emerald green color. His eyes were equally as green, but his skin was pale, almost white.

"I'm Ian, by the way," he smiled. "Ian Garfield," the boy dusted off his buttoned-up white shirt and blue jeans as he stood up, extending his hand to Tyson as means of helping and greeting.

Tyson used Ian's hand to support him in standing up and shook it upon reaching stability.

"Tyson Wood. Nice to meet you, Ian."

"Likewise, Tyson. Are you enrolled in Elite Academy as well?"

"As a matter of fact, I am. You're the first person I've actually come in contact with who is attending the academy, outside of a Professor anyway."

The two continued to converse as Tyson found his books quickly with the help of Ian, who appeared to be a bit of a bookworm.

"My parents attended the academy when they were my age. It's only right to continue the tradition and attend it as well. I heard the wildlife and nature there is splendid," Ian sighed at the mere thought of rubbing his hands in the shrubbery that outlined the academy.

Tyson chuckled, finding this weird boy amusing, "Well, I can't say the same for my parents. They've always been Breeders and farmhands. I'm the first member of my family to attend the academy."

"Oh," Ian raised his brows, "then you've got a bit of history to make then, I suppose. I wish you luck then. Well, I have to go get fitted for my uniform. See you on the ship?"

"You bet!" Tyson grinned.

*****

After purchasing his books, Tyson, along with Bruno, just needed to stop by one more store before receiving his Starter Pokemon and returning to the port. The Celadon Department Store was by far the biggest PokéMart in the entire region of Kanto and Tyson was amazed at its structure. Heading inside, Tyson and Bruno immediately noticed how crowded it was on the first floor.

"Oy," Bruno groaned. "This happens every single year. Luckily, I've got my connections. Follow me, Tyson."

The two struggled through the crowd and made their way to the staircase. After climbing a seemingly endless flight of stairs, the duo reached the fifth floor of the department store. This floor was relatively empty and the only person on this floor was the salesman behind the counter. Bruno approached the counter with Tyson right behind him.

"I have a student here who needs a Starter Pack," Bruno said, leaning on the counter.

The salesman was an elderly looking man with an extremely large nose. He inhaled deeply, smelling the aroma of Tyson. Feeling awkward, Tyson raised an eyebrow and clenched his fists as he and Bruno exchanged glances.

"Uh," Bruno began again, "do you need his hometown?"

"He's a Pallet Town child," the man interrupted. "I can smell the cleanly odor in his hair."

Soon, the man disappeared to the backroom of the store as Bruno and Tyson exchanged glances again.

"You know him?" Tyson asked.

"Yeah," Bruno chuckled. "One year, I got quite desperate because of the large crowds on the bottom floors, so I decided to give the fifth floor a chance. Ever since then, he's been my go-to guy for students."

"Why?"

"Because, he gives students the best materials," Bruno nodded, his eyes peering to the left as the man returned. "Here he is now."

In the salesman's hands was a sack. He looked inside the bag and began to state what was in the bag, "I've got Super Potions, Antidotes, Awakenings, Super Repels, Paralyze Heals, Escape Ropes, Five PokéBalls, and a Great Ball. Will that be all?"

"Yes, sir." Bruno grinned as he paid the man with Tyson's supply money.

*****

Finally, after a seemingly long day in the Celadon City marketplace, Tyson and Bruno returned to the dock where a new ship was currently ported. This ship was noticeably larger than the S.S. Anne and appeared to be a ferry. Several students and their parents were standing at the dock, waiting to board the vessel. It was then Tyson began to think about his parents and what they were doing right now. The thoughts were not regretful, as he knew his parents were proud of him and his decision.

Right before Tyson arrived at the dock, he received his Starter Pokemon at the Game Corner. In his hand, he held the PokéBall that contained his Starter and he stared at it with a smile on his face.

"My very own Pokemon," Tyson smiled. "I always wanted a Pokemon and with you being the one I've always wanted, I promise to raise you properly."

"Hey, guys! Look at the weirdo marveling his weak Pokemon's PokéBall," a voice from behind Tyson yelled.

Tyson quickly realized that it was him being teased and turned around, gazing his eyes upon a group of boys. The voice specifically came from the lavender-haired boy in the center of the pack pointing at Tyson.

Unsure of what to say, Tyson remained silent and focused his attention on the ship as the students began to board. Bruno and the other Professors had already boarded the ship, leaving Tyson struggling to find a friendly face, unless he could find Ian again.

As he got on board, the inside was just as marvelous as the outside. Each floor of the ship had deep hallways with several rooms on each. Before boarding, each student received a Card Key to their respective rooms and they were told to stay in those rooms when nightfall came. Tyson's room was located on the third floor, fifth room on the left. He walked down the long hallway before stopping at his room, sliding his card in the slot, and opening the door.

The inside of the room wasn't exactly spacey. Tyson had to put his luggage in a compartment outside of the door. Still holding his Starter Pokemon's PokéBall, Tyson walked in and sat on his bed. The room was empty.

"I guess my roommate will show up eventually," Tyson said to himself as he lay on his back on the bed. The students were told not to release their Pokemon until further notice, but the anxiety in Tyson led him to want to release his Starter, to get to know it. However, he would not break a rule on his first day of becoming a student of Elite Academy.

Soon, a familiar face had walked into the room. At first Tyson though it was Ian due to the tallness of the male, but soon realized it was not. Nonetheless, the face was still familiar.

"Oh, hi," Tyson said, sitting up. "I don't know if you know me, but I remember seeing you in the marketplace. You were tampering with your Poketch if I'm not mistaken."

"This old thing?" the boy held up his blinking, broken Poketch. "Yeah, that was me. Fortunately I bought a new one." He reached into his bag and placed it on his wrist, tossing the other out of the open ship window.

"I'm Tyson Wood, from Pallet."

"Oh, a Pallet boy! That's awesome," the blond boy grinned. "I'm Alexander Peakes. Please, just call me Xander. It sounds cool and the ladies love it."

Tyson raised a brow.

"Okay, not yet," Xander said, referring to the 'ladies'. "But I'm working on it!"

As Tyson and Xander proceeded to get to know one another, the ship honked its horn and was set sail for Elite Academy.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

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Old June 5th, 2010, 02:04 PM
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TurtleKing
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Chapter Five
S.S. Elite

About a half hour had passed since the ship had set sail for Elite Academy. Tyson and Xander became fast friends, telling each other about their likes, dislikes, families, etc. Tyson had learned that Xander, too, had parents who were Breeders and that he was unsure on what he wanted to become in life. Xander appeared to be an easy going fellow who generally kept a positive vibe most of the time and Tyson appreciated that about the blond boy.

The two were sitting in their bunks, talking about random battles that came on television when a knock came at their door. Tyson looked up as he saw through the circular window on the door and noticed a female's face.

"I'll get it," Xander hopped up and opened the door.

The girl walked in and right away one could notice her long, jet black, curly hair. She appeared to be an islander, as her skin was fairly tan and her eyes were aqua blue. She was dressed in a lime tank top, blue jeans, and white tennis shoes.

"Ah," Xander said sarcastically, "Camille Jacobsen. What brings you to our humble abode?"

"Good afternoon, Alexander," Camille said sharply. "I was just walking around to see if I saw any familiar faces and sure enough the first window I look in is yours."

Tyson scratched his head, chuckling under his breath as he heard Camille call Xander by his real first name. Camille definitely had a sassy nature by her. She wasn't like many other girls and Tyson was unsure if that was bad or good. He would have to get to know her to find out.

"Who's your friend?" Camille asked.

"This is Tyson Wood, from Pallet," emphasized Xander.

"Pallet Town, huh?" Camille's eyes glanced at Tyson.

"Yeah, I don't see what the big deal is though," Tyson shrugged. "I mean it's like any other city I suppose."

"Maybe," Camille said. "I'm sure you know that Xander's from Sandgem Town, Sinnoh. I, however, am a few miles south of where you're from."

"Cinnabar?" Tyson asked.

"Nah, my family moved away from there after the volcano eruption destroyed a good percentage of the buildings there," she answered, sitting down beside Tyson on his bunk. "We've been living on the Seafoam Islands since then. All eight of us."

"Eight!?" Tyson and Xander asked in unison.

"Yeah," Camille laughed, "If you count one, two, my parents. Three, four, five, six, seven, my older brothers. And I make eight. I have three brothers in the academy right now. With it being my first year here, they're already overprotective of me."

"Who wouldn't be protective of the baby of the family?" Tyson joked.

"I know, right?" Xander added. "Probably think she can't handle her own once she gets into school. I completely understand, though. Girls aren't exactly tough as nails when it comes to Pokemon."

The two boys laughed together, causing Camille to go red in the face. Not with embarrassment, but with anger.

"For your information, I will become the best Trainer this world has ever seen! I may be a girl, but that doesn't mean that I'm incapable of doing what a boy can do! I'm assuming you two have never heard of Cynthia!?" shouted Camille.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Calm down! Thirty minutes on the ship and you're already finding something to yell at us about. I was just joking anyway," Xander chuckled uneasily. "Cynthia is one of the best Trainers in the world."

Tyson nodded, "I caught one of her matches against Aaron of the Sinnoh Elite 4. She's pretty strong."

Calming down now, Camille said, "I apologize for getting loud then. I'm just so used to being around boys all day. Dealing with roughhousing, horse playing, everything."

"So you're scared to break a nail?" Xander teased again.

"Heh," Camille snorted, as she wasn't going to fall for Xander's tricks this time. "Let's just say I'm one of the guys."

"Sounds pretty good," Tyson smiled. "No one likes prissy, stuck-up girls anyway."

"Right," Camille agreed, nodding at Tyson. "Anyway, enough about me. What Pokemon did you two decide to start with? They integrated something new this year, saying that you could only receive a Starter from your region. I chose to go with Squirtle. It appears that our class is the inaugural class for everything, eh?"

Xander grinned as he took out his Pokemon's PokéBall and swirled it on his index fingertip. "Turtwig for me," he said.

"What about you, Tyson?"

Tyson looked over at the PokéBall resting on his pillow. He reached over to grab it and said, "Charmander."

"Interesting how we all chose different types of Pokemon," Camille said. "I chose Water. Xander, Grass. Tyson, Fire."

Xander grinned to himself as he began to theorize, "So, technically, I could defeat you, you could defeat Tyson, and Tyson could defeat me?"

"That initially makes sense," Tyson interrupted, "but I think battling has more to do than what type is stronger than the other type. For instance, I'm pretty confident a Blastoise could learn Ice Punch or Blizzard to defeat a Torterra."

"Exactly," Camille cosigned with Tyson. "This further shows your lack of knowledge for battle, Alexander."

Xander rolled his eyes as he leaned back on his bunk, "Whatever."

*****

Later that night, Camille invited Tyson and Xander to meet her older brothers in the lounge area of the third floor. The entire lounge was immense with couches, a smoothie bar, and televisions displaying old Pokemon League matches. Tyson and Xander took a seat near the central area of the lounge and were given smoothies by the maids who worked at the bar.

"This is definitely the life," Xander whispered to Tyson.

"I agree. I can get used to this," Tyson laughed.

As the two boys slowly slipped their smoothies, Camille came over to the area with three boys following behind her. Each boy had jet black hair and blue eyes like Camille. In fact, the three appeared to be similar to look like cell phone signal bars standing next to each other, going from smallest to medium to tallest.

"Tyson. Xander," said Camille, "these are my brothers Carl, a second year, Craig, a third year, and Chris, a fifth year... in order from shortest to tallest. Hehe."

The boys all met and shook hands and afterward, the eldest Jacobsen spoke first.

"So, Camille tells me you two pretty much know nothing about Elite Academy?" asked Chris.

"Actually," Tyson said, "Xander's pretty knowledgeable about what goes on at Elite Academy. I'm the one who knows little to nothing about it. But I do know about Pokemon... of course. Who doesn't?"

"You would think that," Carl smirked.

"Yeah, but there's so much to learn at Elite Academy, even the smartest guy could learn a thing or too," Craig added.

"Which is why we should let little sis get a head start," Chris looked to Camille, who smirked. "How about explaining to all the first years what goes on at the academy? I know you're a first year, but you should pretty much know the conversations like the back of your hand."

Camille stood out of her seat as many other first years surrounded the lounge area. She mainly directed her words at Tyson and Xander, "Well, Elite Academy has a lot to offer. My brothers participate in the DBT's."

"DBT?" Tyson questioned.

"Dorm Battle Tournaments," Xander answered for Camille.

"Yes," Camille said, "Dorm Battle Tournaments are all the rage at Elite Academy. There are four dormitories: FireRed, OceanBlue, ThunderYellow, and LeafGreen. Each dorm has a team of seven Trainers with three alternates. Every other day, each dorm sends three Trainers to go against the opposing dorms three Trainers. This goes on until every dorm has faced each other twice. The top two dorms with the best record then participate in the DBT Championship to see which team wins the Cup."

Tyson was intrigued by this. He bit his lip as he looked over to someone who had a question.

"How does one join a team?" a boy asked.

"Well," Chris jumped in the conversation, "I'm the captain of the FireRed team. I usually hold tryouts for my players. However, if I happen to catch someone outside of the arena and I'm impressed with their skill, I'll approach them with an offer of joining the team. For your information, if any of you are sorted to the FireRed dorm, we will have two spots open for first years."

"I have a question," Xander raised his hand reluctantly.

"Yes?" Camille asked.

"What about the people who want to do Contests? No love for them?" Xander said. "I mean I'm just speaking hypothetically of course. I wouldn't be caught dead participating in a Contest."

There was a murmur among the children sitting around the lounge as the Jacobsen brothers burst into laughter at the thought of a male competing in a Contest.

Camille scratched her head and replied, "Um, well, those are called DCT's, which are Dorm Contest Tournaments respectively. Not as many people are in DCT's as they are in DBT's, but they are equally as competitive, I suppose."

"Oh, okay," Xander said, leaning back in his seat.

"Alright, tell'em about the areas," Craig said to Camille. "Go on."

"Well, there are a plethora of areas to explore and catch wild Pokemon. Forests, beaches, snowy mountains, steaming volcanic areas, and so on. There's a rumor of a new area opening up, too, so that should be interesting."

"And," Chris jumped in again, "there are restricted areas that students are not supposed to adventure too."

This caught the attention of pretty much all the first years.

"The most heavily guarded area is The Unknown Dungeon," Chris said in a spooky tone of voice, though it didn't scare the young students too much.

"What's in this dungeon?" Tyson asked, curious.

"No one knows but Rowan, I'm afraid," added Craig. "However, rumors swirl around that a biogenetically engineered Pokemon is being worked on down there by scientists. They say it has enough power to rival that of the legendary Pokemon, Mew."

"Mew's just a myth," Xander folded his arms, leaning back in his seat.

Carl snorted, "Says the Contest boy."

The group laughed at the blond boy, further teasing him with his interest in Contests. That fresh start for Xander sure did not seem to be working out too fairly for him. Meanwhile, Tyson was interested in seeing this Pokemon. For so long, the Wood family helped breed Pokemon the right way. From what Craig had just said, scientists were trying to create a Pokemon themselves. It just didn't seem right, no matter what the motivation or inspiration was. Then again, it was a rumor.

"So," Xander changed the subject, "Rowan was once the professor of the region I lived in. He's headmaster of the academy. What's he like?"

Camille was too unsure about how to answer Xander's question and left the floor to Chris, the eldest.

"Well, Rowan is definitely an amazing person. He's there when you need him, provides the ultimate advice, and is by far the leading figure in the Pokemon world. Higher than any Gym Leader, any Champion, any Elite 4 member, and any Frontier Brain."

"So, what's his occupation?" a girl asked.

"Originally a Trainer," Chris continued, "Professor Rowan decided that studying Pokemon was his calling. He specialized in the study of evolution and later discovered that ninety percent of Pokemon are connected through evolution."

"Also," Camille said, "he discovered that the evolution of a Pokemon is comparable to that of the coming of age for a human. Ergo, evolution is maturity. I read that in Evolution 101."

"Isn't that a required book?" Tyson asked.

"Um, yeah. I read it the first few chapters earlier. It's really interesting," Camille smiled.

"Such a bookworm," Carl flicked his youngest sibling's head.

"Such a nerd," a voice from across the room shot at the Jacobsens.

"Oh that's definitely a Bartlett," said Chris, smirking at the boy who made a comment.

"You're damn right it's a Bartlett," the lavender-haired boy said, "Wheeler Bartlett. The next Pokemon Champion."

Camille snorted, "You and everyone else."

"Zip it!" Wheeler shouted. "A girl like you wouldn't know a thing about battling. I bet you're afraid of Pokemon aren't you?"

Just as Camille was about to retaliate, the room suddenly got quiet as clicking footsteps could be heard on the tiled floor. Steven entered the lounge area and stood over the students as he shot a scowl to the first year students who were asking so many questions, completely disregarding Camille and Wheeler's potential clash.

"If you took the time to actually research the school, you wouldn't be as clueless as to what it is about."

"Professor Steven, they're first years and an inaugural class of students who have no prior journey experience," Chris stated.

"That's an excuse!" Steven retorted. "It can't be helped, though. I'll definitely be earning my paycheck this year. Just make sure you're here to learn and not goof off."

The room got eerily quiet as all the students appeared to wait for instruction from Steven. There was sure to be more to this outburst than just a personal scolding of the first years. It was getting late.

"Off to your bunks," Steven said calmly. "We'll be arriving at Elite Academy in the morning."

He turned on his heel as the entire crowd of students returned to their quarters. Tyson and Xander walked to their room and climbed in their bunks.

"That silver haired guy was Steven, the former Hoenn Champion," Xander told Tyson. "He's as fierce as his Steel-type Pokemon."

"Got that right," Tyson added. "He seems stiff and unlikeable. We'll just have to see how he is at school. See you in the morning, Xander."

"Night."

The two boys went to sleep as Elite Academy awaited the S.S. Elite in the morning.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

Last edited by TurtleKing; July 24th, 2011 at 03:13 PM.
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  #11    
Old June 5th, 2010, 02:24 PM
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alster08
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I liked how you have your whole story planed out within the Chapters. It gives me something to lool foward too. I highly sugest you revise a tad bit better because I found multiple grammer mistakes. Overall this is an exalent Fan Fic. Please check out mine and comment.
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  #12    
Old June 5th, 2010, 03:07 PM
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TurtleKing
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alster08 View Post
I liked how you have your whole story planed out within the Chapters. It gives me something to lool foward too. I highly sugest you revise a tad bit better because I found multiple grammer mistakes. Overall this is an exalent Fan Fic. Please check out mine and comment.
No offense, but this review seems... ironic. Nonetheless, I'm assuming you're only mentioning the first chapter, since I went through and corrected the other chapters. Thanks for the review, but do not ask for me to view your fic on my fan fiction board. Rather, just PM me to ask.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
Volume One | Volume Two

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  #13    
Old June 6th, 2010, 03:22 PM
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Legendarian Mistress
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My review of Chapters 2 + 3...

Quote:
Pidgeys
Pidgey.

Quote:
Standing up, Tyson went over to eavesdrop, resting his back on the bark as he slightly poked his head out to listen closely.
“... eavesdrop; resting...”

Quote:
Pokéball
Poké Ball

Quote:
Mightyenas
If it were me, I wouldn’t be putting an ‘s’ on the end of this. Why? Because even though it only sounds like one Pokémon, there can be more than one.

Quote:
counterclockwise
It should be counter-clockwise.

Quote:
capsuling it within the sphere
“withdrawing it into the sphere” sounds better

All in all, there are two good chapters here. Less mistakes than Chapter 1, too; I’m impressed.
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Old June 6th, 2010, 03:58 PM
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Nature: Quirky
First off: OMIGAWD TURTLEKING TURTLEKING YESSSS

Quote:
I cloaked man
"A cloaked man," mebbe? And this is just a matter of opinion, but Lance's garment of choice is more a cape than a cloak... but meh.

Quote:
Team Rocket, Team Magma, Team Aqua, and Team Galaxy
Another nitpick, but if you're going by English names - which, due to the characters' names, I think you are - this should be Team Galactic.

Quote:
are there anymore questions?
Any more.

Quote:
Kenta Wood,
You know, I vaguely remember there being a tree or something called "kenta"... hrm.

Quote:
Tyson wondered over
Wandered.

Quote:
'This child has already been registered for Elite Academy.'
Gee, thanks, now you just spawned a plot bunny. XD

Quote:
"Bruno of the Elite 4!?"
You know, this seems a little long-winded for an exclamation of surprise. A simple "Bruno?!" would have sufficed.

Quote:
"Gee," Tyson teased, "you sound like a salesman."
My thoughts exactly.

Quote:
We expect great things from.
From him, y/y?

Quote:
He reached over to grab it and said, "Charmander."
Wait, did the text ever say anything about him picking his own Pokémon? Stuff like that is good to mention.

Quote:
even the smartest guy could learn a thing or too
Two.

Quote:
FireRed, OceanBlue, ThunderYellow, and LeafGreen.
Oh the wit!


Well, all that said, I do quite like this. I enjoy Pokémon Academy stories if they're not "high school = romance breeding ground" shticks, and knowing that this one is at least likely to get somewhere (how long was PokéSpe DP? 30 chapters?) is also nice. That said, you really need to look over your works and read them out loud; some things just sound weird when you read them, and you don't always pick that up just scanning it over. Plus you really need to look at the words as a whole, not just the first and last letter (%55 of people! =D [shot]).
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Old June 6th, 2010, 07:49 PM
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Ha, thanks for the reviews. Actually PSM: DP was about 65 chapters I think.
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Old June 7th, 2010, 01:07 PM
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TurtleKing
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Chapter Six
Welcome to Elite Academy

The next morning, the students on board the S.S. Elite were awakened by the sound of the ancient bell that sat atop Elite Academy. Tyson opened his eyes slowly as he realized... he was here. Finally. He got dressed and looked out the window. Elite Academy was a vast array of building. The main campus looked like a high tech castle institute with different geographical areas surrounding it. Tyson also noticed that there were a few islands surrounding the main isle and he came to the conclusion that these islands were accessible.

After looking out the window, Tyson looked over to Xander who obviously was a heavy sleeper because he was still snoring loudly in his pajamas. Amused, Tyson tossed his pillow at his blonde friend.

"Wake up, man," Tyson chuckled. "We're here."

Xander snorted as he hopped to his feet, completely confused. Then, he came to realization and said, "Oh, right. Let me get dressed."

After the two gathered their things, they went out into the hall and then got off the boat via the ramp that was connected from the third floor down to the shore of the island. Hundreds of students were lined up, waiting for instruction by Bruno and Steven, while other students went on ahead inside the castle.

Tyson, with Xander right behind him, made his way to the head of the pack. He was trying to get in close contact with Bruno to ask him something.

"Bruno!" Tyson shouted to the muscular man.

Bruno, arms folded, turned his head towards the crowd of first years and then said, "Oh, Tyson! How was your trip? I see you made friends with Peakes."

"It was nice. Where are those other students going?"

"Oh, those students are going to the ballroom for the opening ceremonies. We start those by presenting the first years to the entire school and then sorting them into their respective dorms for everyone to see. Every single person gets their one chance in the spotlight."

"Oh, okay," Tyson said as he watched the rest of his fellow classmates exit the boat.

When all the first years were together, Steven followed off with the rest of the students while Bruno stayed back with the newbies.

"Welcome to Elite Academy! I am Professor Bruno, your Traveling professor and it is my honor to welcome you!" Bruno said loudly so that not only everyone could hear him, but so that everyone could simmer down.

Tyson's eyes ventured around as he identified Ian with a few boys, Camille talking to a girl, and Wheeler standing with his two friends from the Celadon dock.

"Now, upon entering the Ballroom, you will meet with the Professors of the Academy and be sorted into your appropriate dorm. The headmaster, Professor Rowan will go into further detail once you get inside. Follow me!"

Bruno turned and led the first years into the large front gates of the academy. The gates were uniquely designed and resembled an ancient bird Pokemon. When they got inside, the first years were amazed at the Pokemon assisting them. Several Machokes took their belongings in a helpful manner while a few Machops carried anything else that needed to be carried. Bruno continued walking down the extended hall and walked inside the supremely large Ballroom where all the students and Professors sat. The FireRed students sat in the front left corner; OceanBlue, front right corner; LeafGreen back left corner; ThunderYellow, back right corner.

The first year students were in a single filed line in the center aisle of the ballroom. On the stage were several professors seated at a table in an orderly fashion. The most notable ones were those sitting near the center dressed in the corresponding colors of the dorm they looked over. Lance was dressed in a dark red cloak; Steven, a dark blue suit; Fantina, a green sundress; and Bertha, a yellow sweater with a black dress underneath. In between these four Dorm Heads was the elderly, but healthy, Professor Rowan dressed in a silver doctoral robe.

"May I say, good morning to all students, staff, and Pokemon of Elite Academy! To our first years, welcome! I am Professor Rowan and it has been my honor to sit at your headmaster for the past twenty years! Elite Academy holds a history of being the starting line for several remarkable Trainers, Coordinators, and Breeders all over the world. But it is not without strenuous studying and harnessing ones abilities that one can achieve greatness. The lessons you will learn at this academy from each of our professors will benefit you greatly in the long run and I hope each of you will do your best through..."

"Courage! Determination! Victory!" the second through fifth year students exclaimed. After a bit of cheering and hollering, the students calmed down and allowed Rowan to continue.

"Now, every new year at Elite Academy we begin the opening ceremony by sorting the first years into the house of their appropriate battle style. Our panel of Professors would analyze a snippet of a battle and then decide on the dorm that best fits them. This year, however, with new technology we will be doing things a bit differently."

The students began to murmur amongst themselves as an assistant came into the Ballroom with a large machine with a scanner on it, as well as a large LCD television screen, big enough for the entire student body to see.

Tyson and Xander exchanged unsure glances before looking back to Rowan as he spoke again.

"This is the DNA Scanner, provided my colleague, Professor Oak of Kanto. With this machine, a mere handprint will analyze your personality, character, and desires and then focus them together to predict the best dorm for you. There are four possible dorms you could be sorted into. The FireRed dorm, the OceanBlue dorm, the ThunderYellow dorm, or the LeafGreen dorm."

Professor Bertha stepped down from her seat at the table onstage, and walked onto the open floor where there several boxes containing school uniforms. There were a different variety of uniforms, including class uniforms and field uniforms. In her hand, Bertha held a thick packet that contained the list of all the first years.

The class uniforms for boys consisted of a sweater and sweater vest, slacks, and casual shoes. In addition, there was a tie that correlated with the student’s dorm. It was assumed by the academy staff that the student already had purchased collar shirts to go with this portion of the uniform. The field uniforms for the males consisted of just a jacket with the dorm colors and logo on it. They were allowed to wear their own pants.

The class uniform for girls consisted of the same sweater and sweater vest that the boys wore. However, girls wore a plaid skirt correlating with their dorm colors and had a tie the color of their dorm. The field uniforms for them consisted of a dorm-themed, more fitted jacket than the boys and the girls had the option of wearing pants or a skirt.

"Without further ado, I shall give the floor to the lovely, Professor Bertha."

The students applauded the elderly lady as Rowan sat down for the time being.

"Students, when I call your name, please step up to the DNA Scanner and press your entire right hand onto the machine. After two seconds, remove your hand from it. Once that is done, the logo of your appropriate dorm will appear on the screen and I will hand you your uniform. Finally, you will sit with your fellow students and wait until every student has been sorted."

The entire Ballroom got quiet in anticipation.

"Up first, Glenn Riley from Canalave City."

A short, tubby boy with bushy blue hair walked up to the machine first. He was a bit nervous as he pressed his hand down on the scanner. The machine lit up brightly as it uploaded the information from the boy's body. Immediately the screen read:

Quiet, Intelligent, Loyal...

After the words disappeared from the screen, a thunderous logo appeared on it and the ThunderYellow students roared in excitement.

"ThunderYellow!" Rowan said, looking to the screen, "Receive your uniforms and sit with your classmates, my boy."

Glenn smiled, running to get his uniform from Bertha and then went to sit with the other ThunderYellow students.

"Next, Camille Jacobsen from the Seafoam Islands. I think we all know where Mrs. Jacobsen is going," Rowan lightly teased with her, mentioning that all of her family members were FireReds.

Camille smiled happily as she went over to the DNA Scanner and placed her right hand firmly onto the scanner as it lit up once more. Eventually, the screen read:

Hard-Working, Brilliant, Brave

The words suddenly turned into flames on the screen as the FireRed dorm logo appeared and the FireRed students began to holler for another Jacobsen entering in their dorm.

"FireRed!" Rowan shouted.

Camille waved excitedly to her brothers as she grabbed her uniforms and went to sit amongst her FireRed brethren.

The process continued on seemingly forever. Tyson lost his patience as it appeared now more than ever that he was going to be last. While he waited, he watched Xander and Ian get sorted into FireRed and Wheeler, OceanBlue.

Finally, Professor Bertha said, "Last but not least, Tyson Wood from Pallet Town."

The crowd began to murmur again as they watched the first Pallet Town native to attend Elite Academy in years approach the DNA Scanner. Nervously, Tyson placed his hand on it as it read his DNA and came up with words to describe him:

Humble, Diligent, Prodigious


Tyson looked up at the screen after removing his hand. It took the scanner longer than usual and the crowd was starting to get restless. However, the words on the screen began to catch fire as the FireRed logo appeared on the screen. Tyson smiled happily, knowing he had so many new friends in the FireRed dorm.

"Mr. Wood, our final sorted first year student, is a FireRed!" Rowan shouted across the Ballroom.

The FireRed students stood up applauding as Tyson came over with his uniforms.

"I knew a Pallet kid would come to Elite Academy one day," one of the male FireRed students said.

"And he's a FireRed!" a FireRed girl said.

Tyson took a seat reserved for him in between Camille and Xander.

"Good to have you join us, Tyson," Camille smiled.

"It looks like they want us to be connected," Xander grinned. "It's funny how things turn out."

"Yep," Tyson agreed. "This is going to be a great year. I can already tell!"

After Bertha sat down, Professor Rowan returned to the podium as he lifted his hands, silently telling the students to get quiet. "There you have it! Our first years are officially members of the Elite Academy family! We will now partake in a breakfast and I will return to the podium with further instruction!"

Several butlers and maids came through the entrances of the Ballroom with a platter of plates for the students. As they ate their meals, which consisted of pancakes, waffles, bacons, eggs, sausage, and Oran Berry Juice, several of the FireRed students at the table began conversing.

Ian came over and sat across from Tyson and said, "Hey Tyson! It seems we're in the same dorm." With him came two more first year students. One was a short, athletic looking boy with dark red hair and the other was a fat bald boy.

"Yep," Tyson nodded. "This is a Xander and Camille, by the way."

Camille and Xander acknowledged Ian.

After introducing himself, Ian introduced the two boys, "These two are Lucas and Barry."

Lucas, the short one, smiled and said, "So, are y'all going to the opening battle? I hear it's supposed to be a rivalry battle. Wonder who's giving it a go?"

"A rivalry battle, eh?" Camille asked, interesting.

"Yep," Barry chimed in. "If anyone, I bet it's Professor Lance versus Professor Steven. They've been rivals since they were younger."

"I heard about that," Tyson said, eating a piece of his pancake and then swallowing. "Would be interesting seeing how Professor Lance's Dragon-type Pokemon fair against Steven's Steel-type Pokemon."

"Steven's the guy who yelled at us on the ship..." Xander scoffed. "I don't like that guy too much. He's a bit stiff and uptight."

"Perfect for a Steel-type Trainer, I suppose," Ian shrugged.

Once the breakfast was over, Professor Rowan returned to the podium.

"Quiet please!" Rowan shouted, hushing his pupils. "As most of you know, we begin each year with a preliminary battle between two Professors. Well, this year, we have a treat. By popular demand, the head of the FireRed dorm will face off with the head of the OceanBlue dorm."

Tyson glanced at Lance who had a big smirk on his face. The FireRed leader had his eyes focused on Steven, who appeared to care less judging by his laid back posture and 'obliviousness' of Lance's eyes.

"Yes, students. This means Professor Lance and Professor Steven will have a battle today! One Pokemon for each combatant and winner take all!" Rowan exclaimed, hyping up the students even further.

The entire students stood on their feet, making as much noise as possible. A mere hour into the school year and the most exciting battle perhaps in Elite Academy history was about to take place.

"For now, you will be led to your room of residence by your Dorm Officer. You will then change clothes and head to Alpha Battle Arena to witness the match. Good luck and have a great day! You are dismissed!"

*****

The FireRed dorm was located in the southwest corner of the main building. The entrance to the dorm was guarded by a large door with a Charizard printed on it. The Dorm Officer led the FireRed first years to the entrance and turned to face them.

"What's up guys? I'm Brandon Elm and I'm your Dorm Officer."

The girls of the group giggled as they listened to Brandon speak. Obviously, they found him handsome and rightfully so. Brandon was tall, tan, and had caramel brown eyes that would make any girl melt. Of course, the guys weren't impressed one bit.

"Upon entering the door, the boys’ dorms are to the left and the girl’s, on the right. In central area is a lounge with televisions, computers, and all of your high-tech needs. Boys and girls are allowed to visit each other’s dorms, but are not allowed to sleep in them, for obvious reason."

Some of the girls openly disapproved of that rule to which Brandon laughed.

"Any questions? No? Well, go get dressed and return to the lounge in fifteen minutes if you want to sit with us at the battle. If not, go on ahead to arena. Oh! You guys may release your Pokemon as well! Have fun!"

Brandon opened the door as the students rushed into the dormitory. Heading up the stairs on the left, Tyson ran to the third floor where he was assigned his room. Fortunately for him, the students of the academy got to decide who they wanted to room with and Tyson was already comfortable with Xander. When he got to his room, Tyson opened the door allowing him and Xander in. The room was pretty decent: two beds, a large window, a couch, television, and a fireplace.

"Dude, this is better than the boat!" Xander said, claiming his bed near the television.

Tyson walked to his bed and noticed that their belongings were already on the wall. "I wonder how long it took to figure where everyone's rooms were. They had to come in and place bags everywhere and whatnot."

"I can only imagine," Xander said. "Oh! Let's release our Pokemon!"

"Right!" Tyson said as they both took out their PokéBalls and pressed the compressor on the front.

Both spheres burst open as two Pokemon appeared before them. The first to appear was an orange lizard Pokemon with a flaming tail. The other was a lime green turtle with a twig on its head.

Tyson looked over at the table near the center of the room and noticed two Pokedexes sitting there. The first one went off and opened up upon sensing a Pokemon. Tyson grabbed it, pressed the blue button as the device said:

"Charmander, the Lizard Pokemon. The flame on its tail indicates Charmander's life force. If it is healthy, the flame burns brightly."


Tyson smiled as the Charmander looked up at its Trainer curiously. Tyson then pressed another button on the Pokedex to look up more information on his Pokemon.

"Hmm, my Charmander is male and knows Scratch, Growl, and Ember."

"You gonna name him?"

"Yeah, he's gotta have distinctiveness," Tyson said. He thought for a moment before saying, "I'll name him Draco. He looks like a baby dragon."

Draco appeared to like his name as he held up his head and spurted out a few ember pellets. Luckily, Tyson dodged in time before he got burnt in the face. Meanwhile, Xander's Turtwig grew bored with this situation and fell asleep on the floor.

"What's wrong with your Turtwig? Shouldn't it be, I don't know, excited about being out of the PokéBall?"

Xander raised his eyebrows at Tyson's question, "Yeah, I guess. I always get the bad ones."

"But it's your---"

"I know it's my first, gosh," Xander groaned as he lifted his Pokedex to get information on his Turtwig. After reading the information, Xander said, "He's male and knows Tackle, Withdraw, and Absorb."

"See?" Tyson grinned, holding in laughter. "He's not so bad."

"I'll name him Twiggy."

*****

The two boys got changed into their field clothes as they went down to the lounge a bit earlier than what was recommended by Brandon.

"Let's walk around a bit before going to the arena," Xander recommended.

"Alright."

With Draco walking beside Tyson and Twiggy being carried by Xander, the two boys exited the FireRed dorms and enter the wide corridors of the academy. There were pictures of previous students at the school who had achieved excellence and also pictures of Pokemon who had helped the students along the way. As they walked near the entrance of the school, Tyson noticed Professor Rowan conversing with an assistant. He was unsure if they were allowed to roam the halls now, so he grabbed Xander and Draco and hid behind a convenient spot near the wall.

"What are you---?"

"Shh!" Tyson interrupted Xander as he tried to see if the headmaster had heard or saw them.

Fortunately, Professor Rowan did not and the two boys caught wind up the discussion.

"How is the research going?" Rowan asked the man.

"For now, sir, things are looking up. We've successfully placed the subject in a plasma module container, preventing it from using its power to break free. We're currently running some tests on it and we should know more about it in the upcoming months."

Rowan had a bit of worry in his voice, "Will it be a threat to the academy working on this? Do I need to shut down the dungeon?"

"It would best to cease all activities in The Unknown Dungeon until further notice, sir."

"Alright, I shall make the announcement to the staff later. Thank you."

The assistant departed as Rowan entered the arena. The boys and their Pokemon came from hiding as Tyson narrowed his eyes.

"I wonder what they were talking about." Tyson asked.

"I don't know, but it seems classified," Xander nodded.

"Hmm, guess we'll have to find out ourselves then," Tyson looked to his friend. "Until then, I'm ready to watch a fierce battle!"
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Last edited by TurtleKing; July 24th, 2011 at 03:26 PM.
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  #17    
Old June 7th, 2010, 02:02 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post

The crowd began to murmur again as they watched the first Pallet Town native to attend Elite Academy in years approach the DNA Scanner. Nervously, Tyson placed his hand on it as it read his DNA and came up with words to describe him:

Humble, Diligent, Prodigious


Tyson looked up at the screen after removing his hand. It took the scanner longer than usual and the crowd was starting to get restless. However, the words on the screen began to catch fire as the FireRed logo appeared on the screen. Tyson smiled happily, knowing he had so many new friends in the FireRed dorm.

"Mr. Wood, our final sorted first year student, is a FireRed!" Rowan shouted across the Ballroom.

.
"
Harry Potter Much, lol, this is really good. you have talent. also you say he is the final sorted student and then have more people getting sorted you should change that...

Last edited by wolfeydawg; June 7th, 2010 at 04:54 PM.
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Old June 7th, 2010, 03:12 PM
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You know, I was thinking the same thing. It's kind of obvious you took a lot of influence from the Harry Potter series... |D Not to mention: what are the usual qualities for each dorm? Xander got in and he's something of a hothead, and Tyson got in being a bit more calm than that. Is FireRed sort of the reject dorm or the one where people with balanced attributes go?

...Also, somehow I doubt DNA is able to be transmitted through a television screen and explain everything about a person. I'm no expert on the subject, but still.
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Old June 7th, 2010, 04:52 PM
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As promised, the next reviews.

Also, as a side note, don't put a semicolon where Legendarian Mistress suggested (because this would be inserting a semicolon before a fragment, which is not how you use that mark of punctuation), and you don't necessarily have to insert a hyphen.

On that note, I'm going to be lax about my grammatical review because I'd like to see what you do with the plot. That and, from what I've gathered in my earlier review, a lot of your errors might just be matters that can be cleared up with a thorough proofreading anyway.

Also, I have eighteen pages of material to go through, and I'm lazy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
No surprise to Tyson, the topic of Elite Academy was being discussed.
It sounds a bit awkward to say "no surprise to Tyson" at the beginning there. Perhaps try "it was no surprise to Tyson that" while dropping the comma?

Quote:
He had hopes of getting back to Pallet before two o'clock and he was making quick progress, thanks in part to his new running shoes.
This would be a compound. I'm pretty sure I told you about the period test (replacing a conjunction – and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so – with a period) to see whether or not a sentence can be broken down into two independent thoughts. Try it with all sentences that are like these.

Quote:
Tyson began his sprint into the Viridian Forest, darting past the same Pidgeys he had frightened earlier.
While I won't exactly say that Legendarian Mistress is wrong here concerning how you write plural Pokémon names, it's most acceptable to just leave off the S. If you're consistent about it, though, it might be passable to leave it with the S.

Quote:
"Pallet Town brats? One child? The Boss?" Tyson thought to himself.
You actually don't need "to himself" here because, well, you can't really think to other people, either. Unless you're psychic, but I'm really hoping Tyson isn't for a variety of reasons.

Quote:
"Did you hear something?" The female asked, "It sounded like leaves rustling."
Be careful. Remember the rules I mentioned in my last post? Remember how a dialogue tag that occurs between two sentences has to be attached to one piece or the other? Note that the word you're using in this tag is "asked." That means that you really have no choice but to attach the tag to the part of the quote with the question mark in it because the tag describes a question being spoken.

Quote:
Rather than running home, Tyson decided to walk at a brisk, steady pace to ensure that he did not trip again.
Wouldn't he be chased by whoever was speaking if he walked at this pace? I mean, if he ran and hid, he might be able to avoid being detected, but if he walked and if those mystery people decided to go investigate the noise, then he might be a bit screwed.

Quote:
He then realized who it was sitting on the couch,
This'll probably be the last time I'll ask you to think back to those rules I gave you, but remember the last one about bits that aren't actually tags? Same deal here. Notice how this stands alone as its own sentence? That should be a signal that it's actually not a dialogue tag and can't be attached to a quote. So, it needs a period to show the reader that it's a completely separate sentence.

Conversely, if you've got something like this:

He then said,

Then, you'll need a comma because the reader doesn't know what he said, so it's actually not a complete thought.

Does that make a bit more sense, or should I try a different angle?

Quote:
"Normally, I would detest and defer from letting you leave, but Bruno convinced us with some supporting details about how much you could learn and accomplish at the academy."
Somehow, this doesn't seem to match the kind of speech he had in the last chapter. Wasn't he a bit more casual then? Not only that, he's a father talking to his younger son. Think about the way your dad might've spoken to you when you were Tyson's age. Not exactly on a scholarly level, right?

Quote:
What exactly could Bruno have said to alter his parents’ thoughts about granting access to leave his home?
The most amazing thing ever.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not pointing this out as a contradiction or anything. I was actually wondering why Tyson's parents were encouraging Tyson to leave, but after what Kenta said, I'm just really, really amused by it because it says a lot about Bruno. It actually makes sense, though. Although Bruno is the bruiser character in the Elite Four, he's also surprisingly eloquent, and all of the members of the Elite Four tend to give off an aura of power, no matter which canon you're looking at. It's only extremely appropriate that Bruno would convince Tyson's parents in a short time to let him go to the academy.

Either that, or it says a lot about Tyson's parents, and that's equally amusing.

Quote:
I'll be taking residence in the Viridian Forest.
Okay, here's something that's been bugging me since the first chapter. Tyson's from Pallet Town, which is south of Viridian City. Viridian Forest, however, is north of the city. What's between Pallet and Viridian is Route 1, not the forest. It just ends up a bit confusing because it's hard to figure out if you meant a farm to the north of the city but somehow outside of Pallet Town or if you actually meant he was crossing Route 1.

Quote:
Until then!"
Since Bruno says "until then" earlier in the paragraph, you'll probably want to drop this instance to avoid redundancy.

Quote:
as he usually does,
Because this takes place in the past, you'll want to use only past-tense verbs unless you're saying he still does it after the story ends. (Same thing with "gets" later on in this same paragraph and "does" a couple paragraphs later, only you'll want to use a past-tense verb there either way.)

Side note, but after the battle between the Mightyena and the Machamp, why didn't Bruno go follow the mysterious trainer? Or did he? I'm just curious, considering, you know, he was nearly killed by those rabid Mightyena.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
"That's an excuse!" Steven retorted. "It can't be helped, though. I'll definitely be earning my paycheck this year. Just make sure you're here to learn and not goof off."
While Bruno's spot-on, Steven... not so much. I'm not sure what canon you're using (although you mention the volcano eruption devastating Cinnabar, which is a game-verse event), but in most canon universes that I can think of, Steven's not really the kind of person who's hot-headed and in it for the money. He's usually into battling and spreading a love for Pokémon. Basically, rough on the battlefield, sure, but off the field, a rather chill kind of guy. Even a bit of a maniac, judging by how he's apt to rush off and find shiny, new rocks to dig up or new places to train. Perhaps Wheeler's attitude might grate on him a bit, but I find it hard to swallow that he'd actually outright call the kid a moron.

I'm sure (from your own narration a few lines later) that there's a reason why he's lashing out like this, but you'll want to be careful and make sure it's a really good reason because it feels like this is probably a 180-degree-change from the Steven we're used to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
your Traveling professor
I can understand capitalizing occupational titles that have to do with the Pokémon franchise, but "traveling" isn't really one of them.

Quote:
Tyson's eyes ventured around as he identified Ian with a few boys,
Do you mean Xander here, or do you actually mean he finally found Ian?

Quote:
"Now, upon entering the Ballroom, you will meet with the Professors of the Academy and be sorted into your appropriate dorm. The headmaster, Professor Rowan will go into further detail once you get inside. Follow me!"
I'd be wary about this. While it'd be entertaining to see parallels to Harry Potter, I'm not sure if taking a scene and mirroring it with the first book would be a good idea because it runs at a risk of sapping away a bit of that original edge you had going. As in, it might feel like a bit of a cop-out.

Unless it was your intention to mirror better-done academy series (like Harry Potter or even Yu-Gi-Oh), at which point... carry on.

Quote:
"This is the DNA Scanner, provided my colleague, Professor Oak of Kanto. With this machine, a mere handprint will analyze your personality, character, and desires and then focus them together to predict the best dorm for you. There are four possible dorms you could be sorted into. The FireRed dorm, the OceanBlue dorm, the ThunderYellow dorm, or the LeafGreen dorm."
This is probably the only problem I have with the chapter because it doesn't quite fit. For Harry Potter, this kind of thing (where you insert a body part into an inanimate object – and get your mind out of the gutter, kids – to have it analyze your personality and fit you into one of four houses) works because Harry's world is fueled by magic. You could have a talking hat read a kid's mind and put them in a house because, hey, that's the least WTF-invoking thing in his world. That and every kid knows what each of the houses represent, so the house system's even more significant.

However, there's a few things that don't quite make this system match up to what Harry's does. First off, you try to use science to pull it off. We'll ignore the meaning of DNA and whatnot for now and just go directly to what this machine is doing. Basically, it's using something along the same lines as phrenology – that pseudoscience that told you who you were based on the shape of your skull. It's actually an outdated practice because of how wildly inaccurate it actually turned out to be. Same concept here. You could have a large, rough, calloused hand, but that could be either from hard labor or a fondness for outdoor activity. Both of those possibilities indicate at least two completely different personalities. Likewise, you could have long fingers, which could be a characteristic of a piano player... or just someone who comes from a family with really long fingers. Or, in shorter terms, you can't really tell what a person is like just from the way their hands look.

Second problem lies in the last line I mentioned about Harry Potter's world. The kids already know what the houses represent. Here, you introduce them, but you don't really mention what they are. They could mean rank in terms of battling skill (a la Yu-Gi-Oh! GX), or they could each have distinct personalities that are essentially mirrors of the four houses of Harry Potter. At this point, it's not really revealed to the reader, so this scene ends up losing a bit of meaning because it doesn't really matter to us which one Tyson is sorted into. All it will do is tell us a bit about his personality that we probably already know, rather than give us the significance of him being associated with the house reputation.

Quote:
Professor Bertha stepped down from her seat at the table onstage, and walked onto the open floor where there several boxes containing school uniforms. There were a different variety of uniforms, including class uniforms and field uniforms. In her hand, Bertha held a thick packet that contained the list of all the first years.
Side note, but why was he measured for a uniform if he just ends up getting the one he's going to wear all year round here? (The reason why I ask is because this question could possibly render an entire scene pointless, so... yeah.)

Quote:
Quiet, Intelligent, Loyal...

After the words disappeared from the screen, a thunderous logo appeared on it and the ThunderYellow students roared in excitement.
So... Hufflepuff?

Quote:
"Next, Camille Jacobsen from the Seafoam Islands. I think we all know where Mrs. Jacobsen is going," Rowan lightly teased with her, mentioning that all of her family members were FireReds.
Camille is a Weasley?

Quote:
Hard-Working, Brilliant, Brave

The words suddenly turned into flames on the screen as the FireRed dorm logo appeared and the FireRed students began to holler for another Jacobsen entering in their dorm.
Gryffindor?

Quote:
Tyson looked up at the screen after removing his hand. It took the scanner longer than usual and the crowd was starting to get restless.
Okay, yeah, this is really ringing some Harry Potter bells. It's a bit of a disappointment to me because it felt like this fic was actually setting out to toss all the usual conventions of an academy fic out the window, only to take on the conventions of one of the most well-known academy-esque books ever written. I can't quite tell if you wanted to do a nod to Harry Potter or if you just wanted to mirror this part because you couldn't think of a better way to get the school year started and get the kids sorted into different houses, but you'll want to be warned that the dangers of intentionally mirroring plot points of a well-known piece of work are the same as the dangers of mirroring the usual conventions of the OT genre (for an example). You'll want to avoid making your readers think that your work isn't new and different, and to do that, you'll probably want to sit down and really think through how the application process in the Elite Academy actually works.

See, the old system was actually pretty believable and easy to swallow. A lot of real-life colleges sort you into houses upon acceptance and prior to your arrival at college, based on what you say about yourself. (Granted, this is usually on a form that actually explicitly asks you what your ideal living situation would be, but still.) So, to have a panel of academy representatives review material submitted by students to figure out what their battle style is like and which house fits them is easy to buy because it doesn't rely on sparkly machinery and Potter-style rituals so much as the analysis of the people who actually know the houses, if that makes sense.

Also, the other reason why I still have a gripe about this scene is because even after all that, we still don't know what the houses' reputations actually are, so we don't really see much of a significance to the idea of a house that fits. For example, Tyson's traits seem to match the ones given for the ThunderYellow inductee. His portray a sort of quietness and intelligence, not the fiery bravery or (unmentioned) outspokenness Camille seems to have. What are FireRed's traits compared to the rest of the houses? Without this, this entire ritual (which means the entire chapter) doesn't pack as much punch as the sorting chapter(s) in Harry Potter.

Quote:
"How is the research going?" Rowan asked the man.
...Why are they talking about this in the hallway instead of in Rowan's office? O_o Unless it's actually not as bad as one would be led to believe (which would actually be insanely and hilariously clever), but what Rowan asks about whether or not this is a threat to the academy seems to imply it's still something that he might not want students to eavesdrop on either way.

Quote:
"Hmm, guess we'll have to find out ourselves then," Tyson looked to his friend. "Until then, I'm ready to watch a fierce battle!"
I love this kid. "Potential plot? 'Kay! SHINY OBJECT OVER THERE, LET'S GO SEE!" This isn't an insult or anything. I'm just amused by how much this kid isn't a normal protagonist, just because of how dedicated he is(n't) to following up on possible plot.


Overall, there were ups and downs to these past few chapters. There were quite a few oddities in grammar that you can probably just brush out by keeping in mind what I've told you above, and I'm a bit uncomfortable with a few bits of characterization and logic (also as I've said above). On the positive side, this is still a pretty interesting plot. I want to see where he's going here, and I want to check out what kinds of experiences he's about to have through this academy. A lot of your original characters are pretty fun to watch (Tyson especially so far, although I have a fondness for Camille as well) on top of everything else.

Also, if that battle between Machamp and the two Mightyena is going to be a testament to the battles we're going to see from the trainers, I've seriously got high hopes in the excitement department. You do awesome things with description. Not only that, but you also don't go with conventional options in battles. As in, sure, you have that Machamp beat the crap out of them with brute force, but you also have him swinging them around like flails as they're attached to his arms. It's not like you had them draw out a battlefield in the middle of the forest. The whole blinking forest is the battlefield, and you pull the reader directly into the action by making this absolutely clear by having Machamp chased, chomped, and unleashing a literal smackdown. This all means that we're probably expecting the battle between Lance and Steven to be awesome, just because, hell, if that's just between an Elite Four member and some random pissant from an evil team, one can only wonder what a battle between two champions is going to be like.

However, yes, you'll probably want to be wary of echoing Harry Potter too much. It'll probably make your story come off a little cheesy, and on top of that, what works for Harry Potter might not work for you until you play with it more (probably to the point where the reader doesn't automatically think "Harry Potter" when they read your stuff). Also, be wary about how you use canon (the Viridian Forest thing, Steven's characterization, et cetera) and just logic in general (Rowan's last conversation, why the grunts didn't go after Tyson in the forest, that sort of thing).
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  #20    
Old June 7th, 2010, 07:32 PM
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Thanks for the reviews guys. You're awesome! . From now on, I'll be answering all reviews individually and posting my one or two chapters once a week. Until then, here goes:

@wolfeydawg - Meh, I know it's kind of Harry Potter-ish (as stated in the first psot). And I didn't notice that last part. -goes to check-

@Giratina - I apologize for not fully explaining the capabilities of the DNA Scanner. I think I probably got a bit lazy in my explanation. But as far as the requirements of the dorms, the students don't know about it and it's basically assumed by personalities. However, there can be, say, a shy and nervous person in a FireRed dorm and a bold person in OceanBlue. Does that clear it up?

@Jax (seriously I look forward to your reviews, dude ) - I'm still working on my grammar (sucks not being school right now, lol) but I think I'm really improving on the usage of quotes, commas, and other stuff. As far as the Harry Potter influence, as I said in the replies above, there is a bit of Harry Potter in it and in the coming chapters I will try to venture away. I think I can do it because I have a large amount of creativity in this head of mines, I think.

About Camille, I had no intentions of making her like a 'Weasley'. Just imagine her as the princess of the family being guarded by her older brothers. She's sort of like that tomboy who hangs around her brothers all the time and wants to be accepted by them .

About Steven, I'm trying not to have everybody all happy-go-lucky in the fic. Steven is sort of like the voice of reason. He's serious, logical, and hates slackers who joke all the time. He's actually, unintentionally, a contrast to Lance, as you will see in the next chapter.

With that being said, all the other plot related questions I'll keep unanswered as they will unfold in the forthcoming chapters. Personally, I think describing a battle is one of the things I do (see Poke Special Manga: DP) and I can guarantee you that Lance vs. Steven will be fairly good. Nothing too exciting yet, but it will be pretty good, I hope.

-----

Thank you everyone, posters and viewers. I'm humbled by the criticism, reviews, and praise. I promise to continue to work hard for you guys! Chapter 7 is in the works!
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  #21    
Old June 8th, 2010, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
He's actually, unintentionally, a contrast to Lance, as you will see in the next chapter.
This sentence has just made me the happiest person in the world. No kidding. I'm usually pretty good with canon characters, but there was only ever one exception to this rule: Lance. Instead of being a well-intentioned extremist or a Just Defender of Justice, he's always been this really kiddy guy who seems to make the world revolve around his perpetual good mood. I haven't seen anyone else use this take on him, which is expected, but it also kind of freaks me out when someone uses him in the correct canonical way.

So if we've got a Lance as the opposite of Steven, things are looking up! =D

Also, on the DNA scanner: Why don't they know this stuff? And I would think that it's prone to mistakes, considering that DNA doesn't affect someone's personality that much... |D Faulty science in that part of the chapter, yeah. But otherwise you're still going strong. C:
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Old June 8th, 2010, 01:13 PM
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Originally Posted by Giratina ♀ View Post
Also, on the DNA scanner: Why don't they know this stuff? And I would think that it's prone to mistakes, considering that DNA doesn't affect someone's personality that much... |D Faulty science in that part of the chapter, yeah. But otherwise you're still going strong. C:
I totally agree with you Giratina but One little thing DNA is physical not mental. But that only matters if you really like Biology which I don't that much. But yea I love this story so far. Really other than that fact i don't find anything majorly wrong with it other than grammar... but i'm not a grammar nazi... lol
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Old June 10th, 2010, 05:09 PM
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Well... This felt so much like Harry Potter. It had a strange difference but yet the same.

Good job on the Beginning. But I'm not criticizer. But DNA Is only physical.
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  #24    
Old June 10th, 2010, 06:11 PM
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You're very welcome. I'm glad you took it so well. After all, I'm enjoying the story, so the last thing I want is to get caught up in drama over it, you know? That being said, just a couple of responses.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleKing View Post
I'm still working on my grammar (sucks not being school right now, lol) but I think I'm really improving on the usage of quotes, commas, and other stuff.
That I have to say you are. You just need to be reminded now and then to polish things up a bit. You're a smart cookie, and some of the things I was pointing out were just typos that you could probably catch on your own with a second (or third, if the case may be) read-through.

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About Camille, I had no intentions of making her like a 'Weasley'. Just imagine her as the princess of the family being guarded by her older brothers. She's sort of like that tomboy who hangs around her brothers all the time and wants to be accepted by them :).
Kinda reminds me of Ginny. XD Not that this case would actually be a bad thing. If Camille was anything like Ginny, the comparison would actually be a compliment. (The other Potter stuff, though, might be a bit shaky, as you can probably see with all the people talking about the DNA machine.)

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About Steven, I'm trying not to have everybody all happy-go-lucky in the fic. Steven is sort of like the voice of reason. He's serious, logical, and hates slackers who joke all the time. He's actually, unintentionally, a contrast to Lance, as you will see in the next chapter.
While it's cool and completely all right in my book that you want to use him as a contrast to Lance (in fact, I really do encourage you to do so), just keep in mind that you'll still want to focus on making the character recognizable while at the same time using him as polar opposite to the dragon tamer. As in, by all means, make him tough and serious (which would be canon), but remember that Steven isn't the kind of person who would snap and insult someone who isn't quite as knowledgable as he is. You might want to avoid sacrificing his patience unless there's a good reason within the story as to why he's not quite as patient as he is in canon,* just because it's probably one of the most important traits he's got in terms of interacting with other characters. Readers who are fans of Steven (and I know there's a lot of them out there) might have trouble getting through a scene like the one on the boat because they might not recognize him based on the way he acts, if that makes sense.

* At least, he's shown as being patient in the anime (when Team Rocket wasn't trying to trash the cave system) and games. If he actually isn't that patient in Special, though, I'll definitely stand corrected there.
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Old June 11th, 2010, 06:06 AM
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Chapter Seven
Rivalry Renewed

Every seat in the Alpha Battle Arena was filled with a student's bottom as the battle was about to go underway. Tyson, Xander, and Camille sat together as they watched the two combatants on the field prepare themselves. The trio had a decent view, seated in the middle section of the audience and was directly aligned at the center mark of the battlefield.

"Why didn't you guys meet us in the lounge?" Camille asked.

"We wanted to explore the academy a bit before coming here," Xander replied.

Tyson shifted in his seat as he made sure no one was looking at him or heard him. "We overheard Professor Rowan discussing with an assistant about something in The Unknown Dungeon," he said. "Where exactly is that place anyway? Your brother's were talking about it on the ship. After hearing what Rowan was saying, I'm starting to think the assumption that Craig had is true."

"My brother's also said Chocolate Moo-Moo Milk is the best cure for the common cold," Camille replied, rolling her eyes. "If what you're saying is true, and I have no doubt that it is, then that means that something definitely is going on. The best thing to do is to go down in the dungeon and investigate ourselves."

"There is no way we can just try that without any prior knowledge of The Unknown Dungeon. We need to know what types of Pokemon reside in there," Tyson said as he stroked his chin.

"Aren't you and Bruno, like, best buddies?" Xander asked Tyson, exaggerating the friendship between him and Bruno. "I bet he would give you some information about it if you ask."

"That might be easier said than done," Tyson replied.

The crowd became restless as they waited for the battle to begin. From the northern tunnel came Professor Rowan, waving to the crowd as the audience roared with applause. While Rowan received a standing ovation, a referee came from the southern tunnel with a microphone in both hands. The two met at the center of the field as Rowan received a microphone from the official.

"We will now begin the preliminary school battle! I hope you all enjoy yourselves! I will now turn over the master of ceremonies duties to official Pokemon League referee, Mr. Akuya!"

Rowan exited the field and took a seat in the stands next to the other Professors.

"Good afternoon! I am Mr. Akuya and I shall be refereeing today's main event!"

The crowd cheered.

"This match will be a one on one match with the usage of one Pokemon only! Our first battler introduced," Akuya looked to the eastern tunnel, "is a grand champion of the Hoenn region. Specializing in the Steel-type, give it up for the Head of the OceanBlue dorm, Steven!"

Steven emerged from the tunnel into clear view, dressed in his traditional business attire. He looked to the crowd and saluted them with a silent expression on his face as he took position in the blue corner of the battlefield.

"Our other battler is a legendary Champion of the Kanto region. He's been taming Dragon-type Pokemon since he was young, put your hands together for the Head of the FireRed dorm, Lance!"

There was a considerable amount of praise and jubilation for Lance. Compared to Steven's, Lance's applause was much louder and lengthier. Folding his arms, Steven merely stared into Lance's eyes as the dragon master smirked, leering back into his opponent's. Each of them drew a PokéBall in unison awaiting the referee's signal.

"Are two contestant's ready?" Akuya asked.

"You bet!" Lance said.

"Affirmative," Steven responded.

"Battle!"

"Let's go, Metagross!" Steven shouted as he lobbed his PokéBall forward.

"Dragonite, I choose you!" Lance exclaimed, doing the same.

The intensity of the battle could be clearly seen at the beginning by the mere toss of a PokéBall. Both Lance and Steven's PokéBalls flew forward in a line drive motion before ricocheting off one another and bursting open the process. Both of the called Pokemon emerged from their PokéBalls and were eager to fight one another. Lance's Dragonite immediately took flight as Steven's Metagross stayed stable on the ground looking upward.

"You first," Steven said, scoffing at his rival.

"Oh no," Lance replied. "I insist that you go first!"

"Fine by me. I'll wait no longer!" Steven spat aggressively. "Bullet Punch!"

Metagross's body suddenly vanished quickly as the immense Iron Leg Pokemon went into attack mode. Dragonite, unsure about where Metagross disappeared, looked around cautiously before Steven's Pokemon appeared behind the Dragon Pokemon and whacked it across the back. In minor pain, Dragonite went hurling to the ground but caught itself as it flapped its wings to face the now levitating Metagross.

"Heh, nice one." Lance complimented Steven. "But I've got something up my sleeve too. Dragonite, Dragon Dance!"

Dragonite flew backwards, away from Metagross, and began to fly in an eerie pattern. While it flapped its wings, Dragonite's body began to give off static energy, as if it were charging up.

"One of Dragonite's signature moves," Camille said in amazement that she was seeing this up close. "Professor Lance used this in a League battle against his sister, Clair. I think he specifically had Dragonite learn this move to battle against Steven, though."

"But, there's no point of using Dragon Dance if Professor Steven can just use Iron Defense with his Metagross," Tyson replied, focused in on the battle. He was really paying attention to the way Lance and Dragonite bonded on the battlefield. Even though Dragonite was falling down to the ground earlier, it recovered without command.

"Maybe he's focusing on increasing the speed of Dragonite. Dragon Dance does increase both attack and speed," Camille shrugged.

"With the attack being a bonus, it's a pretty good strategy. Combine that with the possibility of Dragonite knowing physical Fire-type attacks and you've got yourself a strong Pokemon."

"What do you think, Xander?" Camille looked to the blond boy who had been quiet during the conversation.

"Eh? Oh!" Xander was still focused on the battle, "Well, I don't really care. I mean, did you see how cool Metagross's Bullet Punch was? And the way Dragonite charged up Dragon Dance was poetry in motion!"

Tyson and Camille gave Xander a blank look before shrugging it off and agreeing with him. Nonetheless, the battle was still going on. By now, Dragonite had Dragon Danced a couple of times, but the speed and repeated use of Metagross's Bullet Punch were starting to take its toll on it. By now, Dragonite's body was severely harmed by the constant mashing of the Steel-type Pokemon's fist.

"This is just like you, Lance," Steven said. "Afraid to fight, having to rely on special moves to boost your Pokemon's abilities. Goofing around this entire time! The people want to see a battle and you're giving them a contest."

"You're so impatient, my dear friend," Lance chuckled. "The battle is coming, but strategy plays a part in my game plan. But as for now, my strategy is complete. Dragonite, let's get this show started! Fire Punch!"

With both Pokemon still airborne, Dragonite flew towards Metagross, its fist catching fire. Rearing back, Dragonite thrust its fist forward coming in sever contact with the 'X' on Metagross's face. The Iron Leg Pokemon collapsed to the ground, affected greatly by the Fire-type attack. Struggling to get up, Metagross got on its four legs as a burnt mark appeared between its eyes.

"Eh!" Steven grunted. "Iron Defense!"

Metagross laid down firmly on the ground as its body shimmered in the light. Dragonite flew down and landed in front of the defensive Pokemon.

"Fire Punch!" Lance shouted again.

With both hands aflame now, Dragonite began to repeated use Fire Punch on Metagross, directing all of its energy at the burnt spot on the primary Steel-type Pokemon. The standoff of Fire Punch versus Iron Defense went on for several minutes until one deciding Fire Punch shattered a bit of steel on Metagross's body. A small flame appeared on Metagross's forehead, causing it to wail in pain.

Then, Steven shouted, "Take Down!"

Metagross shook off the pain it was suffering from and forced its massive body into Dragonite's gut, sending the Dragon Pokemon flying back and bouncing off the ground repeatedly. Dragonite was slow to get up and bared its dentures. It was still capable of battling but Metagross, on the other hand, was struggling due to the recoil of Take Down.

Steven gritted his teeth, knowing defeat was imminent.

"Now, it's time for some thermal shock!" Lance said with a smile. He loved getting inside of Steven's head. "Sorry Steven, but I can't lose in front of our pupils. I might lose legitimacy."

"Metagross, Meteor Mash!" Steven shouted quickly, ignoring Lance's trash talk.

"Aqua Tail!"

Metagross got off of the ground as its front left fist became shrouded in powdery stardust. It then tossed its entire body at Dragonite, who was flying in from the opposite side, aquatic energy surrounding its thick tail. Because Dragonite was much faster and agile than Metagross, it was able to dodge its fist. Dragonite hen flip forward, slapping its Aqua Tail on the flaming spot on Metagross's forward, instantly knocking it out.

Akuya lifted his right hand, "Metagross is unable to battle. Lance and Dragonite are the winners!"

Lance grinned as he went over to congratulate his Dragonite while Steven returned his Metagross. The FireRed section of the Alpha Battle Arena cheered on their leader as the OceanBlue section remained indifferent about the outcome of the battle.

*****

The day after orientation, all everyone could talk about was how impressed they were by the battle yesterday. Sure Steven's Metagross was terrific, but Lance's Dragonite was just a beauty in a battle. Tyson and Xander both were happy that their first class of the day was Lance's class: Battling 101.

Lance's room was spacey and wide and had a few chairs shaped like a semicircle as they were face towards the front of the auditorium-sized class. Tyson and Xander sat in the front amongst their classmates while Lance stood in the front of the class, beginning his lesson.

"The history of battling goes back to before the creation of Pokemon," Lance began as he displayed a slide show on the wall. "Cavemen were using ancient Pokemon to battle in order to claim territory, food, and even wives."

"Sounds like my kind of time period," Xander joked as the class laughed along with him.

Lance beamed and continued, "In current times, there are all forms of battling: double battling, league battles, and the newly formed tri-battles." He shut down the slide show as he faced the entire class, "But nothing will ever compare to the traditional one on one battle."'

"That was a pretty good battle yesterday, Professor," Tyson nodded. "The way you utilized an array of moves was impressive."

"'I wasn't impressed," said Wheeler, who was seated behind Tyson. "You used girly moves and stalled the entire time. It was a complete and utter snooze-fest."

"Let's see you go up against him then!" Xander turned to face the OceanBlue.

"Wait a minute, aren't you Contest Boy?" Wheeler's friend, Skyla, teased.

Before Xander could make a witty remark, Lance interrupted the debate, "Everyone, quiet! Now, Wheeler, it's clear to understand why you were not impressed yesterday. That wasn't one of my... best battles. However, today I think I'll allow you to show me what you got. Come on up here." Lance motioned Wheeler to the miniature battle field in the room.

Wheeler got up and stood on one side of the battlefield, folding his arms as he waited further instruction from the dragon master.

"And as an additional treat, you can choose your opponent for this battle," Lance added.

"Wood," Wheeler said instantly.

"Alright, Mr. Wood, come on up here."

Tyson eyes widen but then went back to normal. He was anxious about his first battle and confidence began running through his veins. With one Pokemon at his disposal, Tyson wanted to see exactly what Charmander could dish out. Both boys drew their PokéBalls.

"Alright, this will be a brief interpretation. This battle will last exactly two minutes. I will evaluate each of your efforts after time is up. Begin!"

"Go, Olympia!" Wheeler threw his PokéBall forward, releasing his Starter, a male Torchic.

Tyson nodded and tossed his too, "Come on, Draco!" His Charmander emerged from his PokéBall and was on standby.

"Two Fire-type Starters!" Lance took a seat among the students. "Should be interesting!"

"Olympia, Focus Energy!"

The Torchic stood in one spot as he began to focus himself on the battle. Draco, being anxious, ran at Olympia quickly, its body catching fire.

"Draco, Scratch!"

Draco continued to run at Olympia and appeared to have intention on scratching the Torchic, but ended up carrying out a fiery tackle. Tyson, coming from a family specializing in breeding, knew right away that this Charmander had been thoroughly bred in order to learn this attack. Olympia was sent flying to the wall almost on impact and Lance stopped the battle for cautionary measure.

"That was awesome, Tyson," Xander grinned and snickered. "What level is Draco, 70?"

Tyson shook his head as he quickly returned his flaming Charmander, "He's a thoroughly purebred Charmander."

"Which is why it knows Flare Blitz at such a young age," Lance added, retrieving a battered and burnt Olympia off his classroom wall, allowing it to be returned by Wheeler.

The class was in complete silence as they looked at Wheeler's disgusted and embarrassed facial expression. Tyson chuckled uneasily as Xander was enjoying every second of this.

*****

"Please tell me you're making that a key move in every battle you have against an OceanBlue," Xander whispered to Tyson as they sat at a table in their next class, Evolutionary Training.

"What are you guys talking about?" Camille asked, not looking up from her book as she read.

"Tyson and Wheeler battled today in class and Tyson's Charmander owned Wheeler's Torchic. Flare Blitzed 'em!"

Camille looked up with a raised eye brow. "Your Charmander knows Flare Blitz? What luck."

Tyson shrugged and whispered, "I dunno. I guess it is kind of lucky. But I can't allow Draco to use Flare Blitz until he's fully evolved. He could hurt himself at this age. You know the repercussions of a Pokemon using those types of attacks."

"Psssh," Xander scoffed, "If Twiggy knew Frenzy Leaf, I'd utilize it every battle, just because I could."

Steven noticed the two boys whispering back and forth and made it his duty to see what was so interesting about his class that they had to talk about it amongst themselves. He stood behind them while the boys still argued, before placing a hand on one of their shoulders, each.

"Why are you two talking?" Steven asked calmly.

"Um," Tyson said, "we were just um... Xander, um..."

"Xander?" Xander said as he looked to Tyson. He assumed that Tyson was blaming him for the discussion, "It was Tyson who, um..."

"Well," Steven cupped his hands together and said coldly, "you two can, um, recollect your thoughts in, um, detention. No more talking!"

Steven walked away as Camille watched him closely so that she would not receive detention when she spoke. "Guess you two learned your lesson, huh? Now, can you please be quiet? I'm trying to memorize the causes of evolution."

Tyson and Xander groaned quietly as Steven kept an eye on them at his desk.

*****

Classes were going by fairly smoothly for Tyson. His first few classes had memorable moments already, especially in Lance's class during the battle against Wheeler. Many people were talking about that battle even more now that they were outside in the Deep Forest Area located on the western portion of the main island for Team Building 101. Professor Will, an odd acting and odd looking man, had assigned each student to capture two Pokemon of different species before returning to the entrance of the forest. While in the forest, Tyson quickly managed to capture an abandoned Electrike and a sleeping Hoothoot. Once he returned to the entrance, a few of his fellow students were waiting, including Camille.

"What do you capture, Tyson?" she asked.

"An Electrike and a Hoothoot," he said simply. "You?"

"Well," Camille began, "I got a little excited about our first opportunity to capture Pokemon, so I ended up catching a Meditite, Combee, and a Swablu."

"How did you capture a Meditite in a forest? They're only native to mountains," Tyson said with a confused expression on his face.

She smiled and winked at him as she wagged her finger at him, "A magician never reveals her secrets."

"Of course," Tyson rolled his eyes as he looked to the forest as more students came out.

Soon, all of the students arrived at the entrance again, excluding Xander. Professor Will stood in front of the entire class as he peered into the forest for any sign of the boy. When he did not see him, he notified the class they all were going to go back into the forest to search for the young man.

"Follow me, class," Will sang as he led his pupil into the forest.

Tyson looked to Camille uneasily as he wondered what could be taking Xander so long to capture two measly Pokemon in this beginner's area.

After quite the hike, the class stumbled upon a dirty, dusty, and muddy Xander coming from deep within the forest. He held two PokéBalls in his hands as he held them up to Will, "I'm done! I'm done." The boy was extremely out of breath.

*****

After the school day had ended, Tyson and Camille met up in the FireRed lounge area and they waited on Xander to complete the process of taking his bath, which was taking longer than expected. While waiting, Tyson decided to name his Electrike and Hoothoot. He named them Ike and Hooter respectively. Both Trainers were sitting in love chairs as they waited for the third member of their 'trio' as their Starter Pokemon interacted with one another. Draco built an immediate friendship with Camille's Squirtle, Sheldon.

"I can't believe Xander got muddy catching just a Croagunk and a Kricketot," Tyson said, chuckling a bit. "He's definitely a character."

"Yeah, but it's strangely starting to become normal," Camille shrugged as she looked the male dorm's stairwell and saw Xander dressed in his now clean field clothes.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Xander shouted, running down the steps.

The trio headed out into the hallway as they were in pursuit of Bruno's class. Bruno was easily the most reliable Professor for Tyson and he had high hopes that the muscular man would tell him a tad bit about The Unknown Dungeon. However, Tyson had an unsure feeling. He didn't want Bruno to lose his job by telling a bunch of first years about a project they had no right to ask about. Yet, Tyson's curiosity was big, he could not help himself.

They went inside Bruno's class without knocking and opened the door. Because they did not take Bruno's class until second semester, the theme in his class completely amazed them. There were maps, pictures, and all sorts of geography related displays across the entire class room. The class was warm and inviting just like Bruno's personality. The large man was sitting at his desk before he looked up and saw Tyson and his friends.

"Oh, hello you three. Wasn't expecting to see you guys until second semester. Can I help you with anything?"

Tyson took initiative as he led Xander and Camille to Bruno's desk and stopped a few inches in front of it. "Yeah," he began, "I have a question about the academy."

"Understandable," Bruno said. "This academy has a ton of things a first year would question. Go ahead."

"Well," Tyson began, "it's about the, uh..."

"The what?" Bruno asked, a concerned look on his face.

"The Unknown Dungeon," Camille answered for Tyson.

"Oh the exploration area in the basement? That place has been off limits since the second semester last year. Why would you have a question about that place?"

"Tyson and I overheard Professor Rowan talking to a lab assistant talking about an experiment taking place in the dungeon. We as students feel that we have a right to know what it is," Xander shrugged as he said this bluntly.

Tyson and Camille shot a glare at him.

"What? You two were beating around the bush," Xander shot a glare back at them.

"Ah," Bruno interrupted the stare off, "The Unknown Dungeon is only to be discussed only by staff members at this time."

The trio had a disappointed expression on their faces. "Yes sir," the three said in unison before leaving out of Bruno's class.

As they got into the hallway, the trio crossed paths with Wheeler and his friends, Skyla and Hanley. Tyson exchanged glances with Wheeler, Camille with Hanley, and Xander with Skyla. A bit of a rivalry was already being made.

"You got a problem, Wood?" Wheeler said coldly to Tyson.

"No he doesn't, but I think your Torchic does after what his Charmander did to it!" Camille growled at Wheeler, "It's all around the school, Wheeler."

Wheeler, secretly embarrassed, sped up his pace as he said, "Let's get out of here, guys." Skyla and Hanley hurried behind him.

"That guy is all talk, I swear," Xander shook his head. "Even when you beat him he still manages to keep his yap open. Amazing."

"Yeah, well I guess it'll take a few more defeats to shut him up," Tyson said as he watched Wheeler walking away.
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Elite Academy - A Pokemon Academy fan-fiction by TurtleKing
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