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  #176    
Old March 31st, 2011 (08:07 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beechlgz View Post
Yeah I know in my last post I said I had just read it, but what I was suggesting was making the title more obvious because before now it really didn't occur to me that the thread was for plot ideas. I'm afraid in all my time writing fanfics and stories I have never encountered the term plot bunny. As I say I thought it was some story title or fanfiction or a club or something so I really had no incentive to check it out. It's just a suggestion to prevent any further confusion. Maybe type in brackets next to the title (plot ideas go here) or something.

Hope I could be of help.
Tip: Google writing terms you're not familiar with. Sometimes, you're going to encounter jargon like "Mary Sue" or "plot bunny," and bluntly put, these are extremely common terms that a lot of people have already encountered, sorry to say. The term "plot bunny" is even common in original fiction.

Not only that, but it's a customary procedure to skim (at the very least) the stickies of a forum before interacting on it because of the potential that one of them might contain vital information for interacting on the board.

As for your idea, you're basically telling us the entire story right off the bat, and I'd just like to say this isn't the best practice to have. Not because someone might tl;dr your idea proposal (although you also have that as a risk) but more because if you tell us most of the story, we'll probably go into your fic thinking we've already read this stuff.

But on to the concept itself, I had the feeling that it was a bit all over the place. Just to make sure I've got it down correctly, let me recap what you're saying.

1. Main character is technically a homeless squatter who sounds like he's orphaned. Sort of makes me wonder about the social programs in that country (because if he's under the age of eighteen in most countries, he'd probably be put in a home of one sort or another by the state).

2. Group of boisterous Japanese guys are involved. It shouldn't be surprising that they're poor, however. Not everyone who's living in poverty is angst-ridden. (In fact, sometimes, the more common outlook on life in that situation -- in some countries, at least -- is to be happy and carefree about it because you realize you're in a situation where your only option is to make the best of what you have.) I'm pointing this out because I'd like to warn you against falling into stereotypes and clichés involving your characters.

3. The main character is shot through the head, and the bullet passes through the brain. At this point, I'd like to recommend highly doing some Google research because, first and foremost, you probably wouldn't get back up from a head injury that severe. Second, the general head area contains one of the highest (if not the highest) concentration of blood vessels in the human body. A cut in your scalp the size of a dime can result in enough blood loss to send you into shock (shock = not good). Then, a brain injury needs some serious medical treatment right away, even if you're probably not going to recover fully from brain damage. I mean, just thinking about the infections and the swelling and the risk of death isn't pretty. (Think of it like this. Go look up Gabrielle Giffords. She had a very similar injury -- shot to the head that passed through part of her brain -- and, well, she was considered lucky that she could still talk. The news stories about the assassination attempt on her, as grim as they are, might be able to give you some insight as to how much of an impact a head wound can have on a person.)

4. As a side note, it wouldn't be expensive for the bystanders to send this guy to a hospital. It'd just be expensive for the protagonist. And even then, in a number of countries, once the hospital realizes he can't pay, there's probably government programs that could help him.

5. I'm also a little surprised that there doesn't seem to be much of a direction towards finding out who shot him and why. It might've been an accident, sure, but I'm just saying don't treat it like a convenient plot point.

6. The frontal lobe doesn't just control memories and personality. It also controls things like motor functions (which means that the main character will have trouble doing things like walking, writing, and other extremely basic skills) and judgment (meaning the character will no longer be able to figure out right from wrong or decide what's best in a social situation). Moreover, brain damage -- especially untreated -- can leave some permanent effects, so if that character doesn't head to a hospital and still somehow survives (keeping in mind that it's the swelling around the brain that's usually the dangerous part, not the initial injury), it's not very likely that he'll function properly.

And yes, the brain swelling usually happens pretty quickly (at least, in comparison with the timeline you're setting up, which seems to imply that the kid's able to get back on his feet and spend enough time to learn the gang's way of life). That's why hospitals tend to rush all over the place in order to treat a brain injury.

In short, while the baseline (a bunch of guys watching as their friend is slowly slipping away) is a pretty interesting concept, you'll really want to go back and make friends with Google before proceeding. Some of the stuff you're covering (like the timeline between the character getting shot and the character getting sent to the hospital) might be pretty vital to the way your plot works.
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  #177    
Old March 31st, 2011 (12:23 PM).
Beechlgz
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I'll answer inside the quote in bold because it takes a long time to make multiple quotes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Tip: Google writing terms you're not familiar with. Sometimes, you're going to encounter jargon like "Mary Sue" or "plot bunny," and bluntly put, these are extremely common terms that a lot of people have already encountered, sorry to say. The term "plot bunny" is even common in original fiction.

Not only that, but it's a customary procedure to skim (at the very least) the stickies of a forum before interacting on it because of the potential that one of them might contain vital information for interacting on the board.

Sorry I didn't know this. I actually used to think that they were just optional info, unless it specifically said "read here first". I didn't realise that regular stickies could have vital info to the board too. It seems I'm not familiar with customs and stuff here.

As for your idea, you're basically telling us the entire story right off the bat, and I'd just like to say this isn't the best practice to have. Not because someone might tl;dr your idea proposal (although you also have that as a risk) but more because if you tell us most of the story, we'll probably go into your fic thinking we've already read this stuff.

Well actually all I've given you is an incomplete summary actually, and haven't even decided on how it will end so don't worry about that.

But on to the concept itself, I had the feeling that it was a bit all over the place. Just to make sure I've got it down correctly, let me recap what you're saying.

1. Main character is technically a homeless squatter who sounds like he's orphaned. Sort of makes me wonder about the social programs in that country (because if he's under the age of eighteen in most countries, he'd probably be put in a home of one sort or another by the state).

I should probably have clarified that this is a fictional world. It's not any city or country that exists in our world with a very different system. Pretty much a total lack of social programs (although it used to have them). But I've already decided to change that aspect of his character to instead living with his parents, but they're the type that wouldn't even notice he was gone for days (I have known of some parents who were like this).

2. Group of boisterous Japanese guys are involved. It shouldn't be surprising that they're poor, however. Not everyone who's living in poverty is angst-ridden. (In fact, sometimes, the more common outlook on life in that situation -- in some countries, at least -- is to be happy and carefree about it because you realize you're in a situation where your only option is to make the best of what you have.) I'm pointing this out because I'd like to warn you against falling into stereotypes and clichés involving your characters.

Again, I probably explained it poorly. It was supposed to be surprising to the protagonist more, not so much the reader. He can't understand why they're able to be happy because he's such a misery-guts. It's more to convey the protagonist's character than anything else, but as I said in note form it might not have been very clear.

3. The main character is shot through the head, and the bullet passes through the brain. At this point, I'd like to recommend highly doing some Google research because, first and foremost, you probably wouldn't get back up from a head injury that severe. Second, the general head area contains one of the highest (if not the highest) concentration of blood vessels in the human body. A cut in your scalp the size of a dime can result in enough blood loss to send you into shock (shock = not good). Then, a brain injury needs some serious medical treatment right away, even if you're probably not going to recover fully from brain damage. I mean, just thinking about the infections and the swelling and the risk of death isn't pretty. (Think of it like this. Go look up Gabrielle Giffords. She had a very similar injury -- shot to the head that passed through part of her brain -- and, well, she was considered lucky that she could still talk. The news stories about the assassination attempt on her, as grim as they are, might be able to give you some insight as to how much of an impact a head wound can have on a person.)

Well, I thought I'd put it down already but maybe, as I say, I didn't make it all that clear or maybe I forgot. The point is that it's supposed to be unbelievable. Like "no way that just happened" kind of unbelievable. It's what's supposed to be so surprising about it. In the dream I had the guy's head lit up and blood didn't really pour out for some reason (just leaked), and everyone was shocked that he even lived. I'd hope to expand on this when I come up with an idea for it.

4. As a side note, it wouldn't be expensive for the bystanders to send this guy to a hospital. It'd just be expensive for the protagonist. And even then, in a number of countries, once the hospital realizes he can't pay, there's probably government programs that could help him.

Point was the bystanders were looking out for a fellow human being. They'd know he would be in trouble because he's a classmate and they know he's poor, and because in this place there aren't any government programs to help him. In the dream the bystanders knew the bullets went inside, but in the story it might be better if they thought it just skiffed him.

5. I'm also a little surprised that there doesn't seem to be much of a direction towards finding out who shot him and why. It might've been an accident, sure, but I'm just saying don't treat it like a convenient plot point.

Thanks for pointing it out I'll have a think about that. If there's anything else please let me know because as I say, it's still very incomplete so far and there's still a lot I need to cover.

6. The frontal lobe doesn't just control memories and personality. It also controls things like motor functions (which means that the main character will have trouble doing things like walking, writing, and other extremely basic skills) and judgment (meaning the character will no longer be able to figure out right from wrong or decide what's best in a social situation). Moreover, brain damage -- especially untreated -- can leave some permanent effects, so if that character doesn't head to a hospital and still somehow survives (keeping in mind that it's the swelling around the brain that's usually the dangerous part, not the initial injury), it's not very likely that he'll function properly.

And yes, the brain swelling usually happens pretty quickly (at least, in comparison with the timeline you're setting up, which seems to imply that the kid's able to get back on his feet and spend enough time to learn the gang's way of life). That's why hospitals tend to rush all over the place in order to treat a brain injury.

See previous note about it supposed to be being unbelievable.

In short, while the baseline (a bunch of guys watching as their friend is slowly slipping away) is a pretty interesting concept, you'll really want to go back and make friends with Google before proceeding. Some of the stuff you're covering (like the timeline between the character getting shot and the character getting sent to the hospital) might be pretty vital to the way your plot works.

Thanks you've given me a lot to think about and there is a lot to improve on the plot summary. But you gotta admit it was a really cool idea for just being based off a dream? I mean it's pretty awesome if you consider that. Like something that should never happen happens. I guess it was more hair-raising in the dream itself, seeing that guy get back up after what happened (because I do realise that it's impossible, lol, I'm not daft).
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  #178    
Old March 31st, 2011 (01:45 PM).
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Hmm ... Penny for your thought.

In all sorts of pokemon canon, we see characters with both natural and unusual hair colors that seem to come about through nature (Bugsy, Karen, Ardos, etc). Would you believe it all right to transfer that into fiction, especially mainly OCs, or do you prefer to use real-world hair colors on no uncertain terms?

Just something I've been tossing about while working on my original region.
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  #179    
Old March 31st, 2011 (02:12 PM). Edited March 31st, 2011 by JX Valentine.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beechlgz View Post
Sorry I didn't know this. I actually used to think that they were just optional info, unless it specifically said "read here first". I didn't realise that regular stickies could have vital info to the board too. It seems I'm not familiar with customs and stuff here.
Yeah, this is a generally good rule of thumb to keep in mind: that the stickies are generally worth looking over because they usually contain important information of one sort or another. That's why they're stickies, after all: to separate them from the other threads (the ones that are actually optional) and to highlight that they're probably a good idea to look over. This is pretty much true anywhere you go, even on SPPf (where I've also seen you hang around).

Quote:
Well actually all I've given you is an incomplete summary actually, and haven't even decided on how it will end so don't worry about that.
Nonetheless, it's how incomplete it is that's the cause of worry here to be honest. Like, if this was the first 50% of the story, we might be a little put-off by the story itself. Emphasis on might. I mean, if this was pretty skeletal for the first 50%, it still might not be too much of a turn-off and all, but.

Quote:
I should probably have clarified that this is a fictional world. It's not any city or country that exists in our world with a very different system. Pretty much a total lack of social programs (although it used to have them).
*le nod* Yeah, definitely keep in mind that whenever you ask for opinions on your plot ideas, you'll want to provide any and all information that would allow people besides you to understand what's going on. I know that sounds really condescending, but I seriously don't mean it like that. I'm just saying this to help you figure out how these kinds of threads tend to work. Just remember that everyone else isn't you, so we'll need as much information as possible when you ask us these kinds of questions because we just don't know the kind of world as well as you do. I'd suggest putting pretty important information (like a brief summary of what the world is like, considering it's original fiction) behind a spoiler cut to keep your length under control.

That being said, I can understand a lack of social programs in that case, sure. The parents thing could work as well, and it probably would work better than just having him be homeless. After all, giving him a family not only offers up a background (and maybe some free characterization by allowing us to see how he interacts with his family members) but also explains why he's in school instead of scrounging around for food. Or, for that matter, how he can afford school if he's a homeless squatter. (In areas where a public school option isn't provided by the government, there's usually only privately run schools as an alternative. As in, the state doesn't run them, but a church or separate organization does. Which probably means there'd be tuition involved and whatnot. Family explains that away by giving the character a source of support.)

Quote:
Again, I probably explained it poorly. It was supposed to be surprising to the protagonist more, not so much the reader. He can't understand why they're able to be happy because he's such a misery-guts. It's more to convey the protagonist's character than anything else, but as I said in note form it might not have been very clear.
Fair enough there. Personally, I like the way you're building up the main character, and considering that his outlook is that grim, it'll be satisfying to see karma kick his tail. I do have to say, in general, that your characterization is one of your strongest points, so I'm sure it'll be fun to see how you treat his personality roller-coaster (i.e., how he goes from a pessimist to a happy-go-lucky kid to... well catatonia, but hey).

Quote:
The point is that it's supposed to be unbelievable. Like "no way that just happened" kind of unbelievable. It's what's supposed to be so surprising about it. In the dream I had the guy's head lit up and blood didn't really pour out for some reason (just leaked), and everyone was shocked that he even lived. I'd hope to expand on this when I come up with an idea for it.
When you go to write this idea, unless you're outright writing a fantasy or something along those lines, you'll probably have people who will be asking these questions anyway. This goes especially for the fact that he's just shrugging off a head injury because that could be a sign that he's a godmodding Gary Stu. (That is to say, he ignores the laws of science just because he needs to be awesome.) It will probably leave a bad taste in a reader's mouth, just because it's really hard to take a fic seriously when a character suddenly has godly abilities (like one that allows him to ignore serious injuries) for no apparent reason besides "it looks cool."

That and you've got a lot of potential for drama (the good kind) if you treat the wound realistically or introduce the fact that this is a fantasy world. For the first idea, it means that the wound gets treated, and the three guys suddenly find themselves responsible for a kid who's got some serious mental issues as a result. For the second, it means you make the readers wonder just what this kid is and if there's more of him. Right now, it feels like you're not really doing either (in that you're not creating a real fantasy world and you're not really treating it realistically), so it just feels like it has the potential of ending up as an awkward moment of Gary Stuing.

Quote:
Point was the bystanders were looking out for a fellow human being.
So... despite the lack of social programs, why did they think it was a good idea not to get help of any kind? I mean, even the cops, considering he was just shot at. Or even a doctor, considering they eventually found one who would help him anyway? I mean, why didn't they just do the whole "go find a professional" thing to begin with instead of wait until he was foaming at the mouth and bleeding all over the place? After all, he clearly had a head wound (because in order to injure the frontal lobe, I'm pretty sure there's no possible wound that you could inflict that looks like the person was grazed instead), and he collapsed. Wouldn't that trip any mental alarms for them?

Just trying to figure this one out because it's probably going to be your biggest plot point, looks like.

Quote:
See previous note about it supposed to be being unbelievable.
My point about the frontal lobe wasn't just a point about believability. It was a point about what to do with your story thereafter. Put it this way. If you rely on the idea that this is supposed to be unbelievable, you're passing up a lot of potential plot points. There's a lot of drama that could be added to your story and a lot of obstacles that your character could overcome built into the injury you chose to give him. If you choose to give him an injury this serious but refuse to go into the full spectrum of implications that it carries (that is, what it means for him if you decide to give him those obstacles or what it means for him if they're just not present -- the latter on a particularly detailed level for reasons I'll explain in a moment), it's not going to come off as awesome. It's going to come off as, frankly put, a little boring, and an intelligent reader will pick up on the idea that something is missing.

Now, I mentioned earlier something about implications in the consequences just not being there. What I mean by that is right now, it seems like you're focusing a lot on the character not being happy-go-lucky, on his relationship with the gang, on the gang's struggle to pay the doctor, and all kinds of side points. However, you want the nature of the character's wound to go against the laws of reality. If you shrug off science, your readers are going to look at your character and write him off as a Gary Stu, as I've mentioned paragraphs ago. However, if you mention that science just doesn't apply here, you really have to go into detail as to why, especially if the other characters realize that this isn't normal. It probably says a lot about the protagonist himself, and in general, you're going to have to be prepared to explore all the reasons why this is special. Is he a zombie? God? Fairy? Vampire? Alien? Something else? Whatever he is, it's going to open the door for the gang to a world beyond what they're used to, so, yeah, it's going to be a little important.

Short of it is, don't just shrug off science just because you want this to be trippy and cool. In prose, everything happens for a reason. Be prepared to back up your plot points, and don't introduce something major unless you're willing to explore the full impact of that something on the cast. In other words, if you want the story to focus more on the character interaction instead of the character's injury, don't give the protagonist a serious injury. If you do want the injury to be massively important, don't set it aside for the character interactions and then go back to the injury later on in the story as if it's an afterthought.

Quote:
Thanks you've given me a lot to think about and there is a lot to improve on the plot summary.
No problem. Good luck with everything, and I hope this reply helps you develop it a bit further.

Quote:
But you gotta admit it was a really cool idea for just being based off a dream?
Tip: Don't tell a plot reviewer that they should think your idea is cool. It comes off odd.

With that being said, there's a couple of things you have to keep in mind about dreams:

1. What happens in them inherently doesn't make much sense. That's why translating them into writing (or even a visual medium) in a way that makes sense to anyone but you is extremely difficult. It's also why you'll need to make it clear whether or not you mean for it to be fantasy when you go to write it. (Basically, it circles back to what I said about fantastical fiction versus realistic fiction in the paragraphs above this.) If it's not meant to be a fantasy, it's your job as a writer to take that dream and reshape it to make some of the surreal elements be a little easier for the reader to buy. This isn't an issue of whether or not you're allowed to make something unbelievable. It's more of an issue of simply making things make sense to people besides you.

2. Dreams have special meaning to the people who have them. For example, bluntly put, that dream you had seems rather tame compared to most of what goes on in my head while I sleep, but I'm sure that if I told you about some of mine, you'd probably think they're rather stupid. (No, really. Even I can see how anyone but me would think some of my dreams are rather stupid, but they still affect me because I'm pretty sure my brain is smoking weed when I'm not looking.) The reason why is because each of our dreams contain symbols and extracts of our psyche to make them basically be movies custom-made for our brains.

To make it a bit clearer, imagine a magical bread. The first person who touches it decides what that bread will taste like because the magic knows what that person likes the most. So, the first person touches it, and the bread suddenly tastes like anchovies. Now, the first person is thrilled because HOLY CRAP ANCHOVIES THE BREAD KNOWS MEEEE, but anyone else who takes a slice goes, "What the crap did I just eat." This is because the magic is in the person's mind. I swear this wasn't just an excuse for a convoluted analogy, but the point is it's awesome to you because it's your dream. To everyone else, it could go either way.

To me, personally? The fact that it was based on a dream doesn't really affect me that much because of point the third:

3. A lot of people write stories based on dreams. There's Coleridge's "Kubla Khan." The famous Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Stephen King doesn't remember writing Cujo. (Although would that really count?) Lovecraft, of course.

And, of course, a lot of fic writers. There's actually a plot bunny in my head that's based on one, although I don't directly lift it from what happened in said dream. I'm also certain that I'm not the only one who wrote fic based on a dream, but I'm honestly too lazy to look up who might have as well.

Point is... eh. *shrug* Honestly, it really doesn't matter to me whether or not it's a dream, sorry to be blunt about it. It's what you do with it that's more important anyway.

Edit:

Quote:
Originally Posted by SeleneHime View Post
Hmm ... Penny for your thought.

In all sorts of pokemon canon, we see characters with both natural and unusual hair colors that seem to come about through nature (Bugsy, Karen, Ardos, etc). Would you believe it all right to transfer that into fiction, especially mainly OCs, or do you prefer to use real-world hair colors on no uncertain terms?

Just something I've been tossing about while working on my original region.
Side note: Not to mini-mod or anything, but it's perfectly okay to ask these questions in separate threads.

Actually, is it at all clear what a plot bunny is in the first post? To quickly define it (if it isn't because I know sometimes bullet point lists might skip information and whatnot), a plot bunny is a plot idea. Concept. Summary of a potential story you're writing. Something like that. It's not a particular detail in the story, and it's not a blow-by-blow summary of everything that happens in it (for the purposes of this thread anyway). It's just a summary of what you plan on doing with all the information we need to get it (in order to help you) without getting spoiled.

That being said, at the risk of sounding biting (and I apologize for that), yes, it's okay to have a character who's pink/purple/green/blue/whatever-hair-colored. There's only two ways where it's not okay:

1. If you proceed to turn that character into a Mary Sue by having her be a vortex of implausible happenings (i.e., have her say, "screw the rules; I'm awesome").
2. If you focus too much on the character's hair color. (Brief mentioning is okay. Paragraphs and repeated references to this color are not unless it's for some reason part of the plot.)
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  #180    
Old April 1st, 2011 (08:56 AM).
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Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Edit:
Side note: Not to mini-mod or anything, but it's perfectly okay to ask these questions in separate threads.

Actually, is it at all clear what a plot bunny is in the first post? To quickly define it (if it isn't because I know sometimes bullet point lists might skip information and whatnot), a plot bunny is a plot idea. Concept. Summary of a potential story you're ducking. Something like that. It's not a particular detail in the story, and it's not a blow-by-blow summary of everything that happens in it (for the purposes of this thread anyway). It's just a summary of what you plan on doing with all the information we need to get it (in order to help you) without getting spoiled.

That being said, at the risk of sounding biting (and I apologize for that), yes, it's okay to have a character what's pink/purple/green/blue/whatever-hair-colored. There's only two ways when it's not okay:

1. If you proceed to turn that character into a Mary Sue by having her be a vortex of implausible happenings (i.e., have her say, "screw the rules; I'm awesome").
2. If you focus too much on the character's hair color. (Brief mentioning is okay. Paragraphs and repeated references to this color are not unless it's for some reason part of the plot.)
I do realize what a plot bunny is, and mine breed like the real things. However, I didn't think it was worth creating an entire thread for one off-the-wall question on opinions. My apologies, though, for posting in this one then.

*Chuckles.* Well, no worries of the numbered options. The closest that could even happen to number1 would be Cecilia (though in this case, it'd be unusual eye colors; though lilac is hereditary in her family as well as being a genetic throwback) having her own amateur powers as a psychic backfire on her without even trying to use them. Nothing like having your senses omitted, eh?

But, yeah. I was mainly just asking out of curiosity.
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  #181    
Old April 1st, 2011 (12:31 PM).
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JX Valentine
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeleneHime View Post
I do realize what a plot Buneary is, and mine breed like the real things. However, I didn't think it was worth creating an entire thread for one off-the-wall question on opinions.
Just tip for wherever you go: it's best to create new threads for any subject that isn't already covered by ancrazy thread. If it's not a plot Buneary, for example, you don't want to put it in a plot Buneary thread, even if it's a minor question. Besides the fact that it could potentially create more work for the mods (what with separating topics into their own threads -- see note below), it sometimes makes the vets look at you sideways.

Moreover, this kind of question could actually elicit a full hotel room. I mean, despite placement, it's actually a good question because there's different opinions on whether or not this kind of thing would automatically trip Sue alarms, and people's definitions for Sues tend to be widely different from one ancrazy because it's that kind of thing that's more along the lines of "you know it when you see it."

Just as a heads up for next time, really.

But yeah, if you don't have a Sue, you really don't have much to worry about.
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  #182    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (07:57 AM).
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Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Moreover, this kind of question could actually elicit a full hotel room. I mean, despite placement, it's actually a good question because there's different opinions on whether or not this kind of thing would automatically trip Sue alarms, and people's definitions for Sues tend to be widely different from one ancrazy because it's that kind of thing that's more along the lines of "you know it when you see it."

Just as a heads up for next time, really.

But yeah, if you don't have a Sue, you really don't have much to worry about.
Mmm. Well, I suppose I could make a thread specifically for this question. But, I do have a rather valid question relating to plot bunaries now. According to a friend that has and beaten Pokemon Black/White, about a third (timewise) of my plotline for my original region now mirrors canon with the release of GenV. I certainly don't want to have to trash that part of my plot, but I also don't want it to be seen as a cheap ripoff.
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  #183    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (08:59 AM).
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Originally Posted by SeleneHime View Post
Mmm. Well, I suppose I could make a thread specifically for this question. But, I do have a rather valid question relating to plot bunaries now. According to a friend that has and beaten Pokemon Black/White, about a third (timewise) of my plotline for my original region now mirrors canon with the release of GenV. I certainly don't want to have to trash that part of my plot, but I also don't want it to be seen as a cheap ripoff.
Side note: The proper term is "plot bunny." (Note the title of the thread.) The plot Buneary thing was the result of some brilliant ideas involving PC and April Fool's. Just to give you a heads up.

That being said, that depends on what you're trying to do specifically. If your plot is about an evil organization using a teenage boy who they call a king to take control of a legendary Pokémon, all while the teenage boy is harping about how everyone else needs to release their Pokémon because it's wrong to enslave them and if you don't do anything to make it seem like your story is different from that one, then sure, it might look like a rip-off to some readers. (Some; not all.)

However, if your plot just coincides with the timeline of the games, if your plot borrows or references the Gen V events as part of its background, or if that's your plot but you take it a step further and bring something new to the table (as in, it's not a word-for-word copy of the games' plot), then there's really nothing to worry about at all. This is because there's not really much that would cause the reader to look at your story and instantly think, "Well huh. This sounds a lot like the games I just played."
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  #184    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (09:06 AM).
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Heh, well, no ... I'm not using a teenage boy who calls himself a king. The thing I had a problem with is that the alternate world for pokemon alone plot point is a pivotal part of my story, at least with Minerva. Sure, Minerva is a bit of a well intentioned extremist that's lost a few nuts and bolts along the way, but she's not crazy enough to pose no threat. And honestly, things are better off when she's in charge.

But, no, it's certainly not going to be a carbon copy of Generation V.
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  #185    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (09:18 AM).
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Originally Posted by SeleneHime View Post
Heh, well, no ... I'm not using a teenage boy who calls himself a king. The thing I had a problem with is that the alternate world for pokemon alone plot point is a pivotal part of my story, at least with Minerva. Sure, Minerva is a bit of a well intentioned extremist that's lost a few nuts and bolts along the way, but she's not crazy enough to pose no threat. And honestly, things are better off when she's in charge. >_>
Believe it or not, this plot isn't exactly new to Pokémon canon. Before N was talking about it, the Elite Four in Pokémon Special were trying to decimate the human race because Lance thought Pokémon deserved a better world. After that, this would pretty much be the background of every Mystery Dungeon game ever. (The Pokémon-only world, at least. Apparently, there were humans. There just aren't that many anymore.) Likewise, depending on which canon and how one feels about Cyrus, this could also be what Team Galactic was trying to do by creating a new world free of corruption (read: people screwing things up in Cyrus's view).

This isn't to say that the concept won't work. As I've already implied, it's a base concept. What you do with it beyond that can make or break your story. The "beyond that" part can be provided through a whole host of methods. For example, what's Minerva's beef with the human race? How is she planning on creating this new world? (Are there legendaries involved? Is it science? Keep in mind that every evil organization uses legendaries to achieve their plots, so... yeah.) Where does the protagonist fit in? Why does the protagonist disagree with Minerva? What does that character do to stop her? And so on and so forth.

Keep in mind that these are all rhetorical questions (meaning I don't actually want you to answer them -- especially given the fact that, judging by how you just said your story isn't a carbon-copy of the games, you don't really need too much help in figuring out whether or not the answers to these would help you avoid giving a reader the feeling that your fic is a rip-off). They're just there to provide examples of the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself in order to build your story a bit further.

In short, though, if your story isn't a carbon-copy, then there's nothing you need to worry about.
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  #186    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (11:38 AM). Edited April 2nd, 2011 by SeleneHime.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JX Valentine View Post
Believe it or not, this plot isn't exactly new to Pokémon canon. Before N was talking about it, the Elite Four in Pokémon Special were trying to decimate the human race because Lance thought Pokémon deserved a better world. After that, this would pretty much be the background of every Mystery Dungeon game ever. (The Pokémon-only world, at least. Apparently, there were humans. There just aren't that many anymore.) Likewise, depending on which canon and how one feels about Cyrus, this could also be what Team Galactic was trying to do by creating a new world free of corruption (read: people screwing things up in Cyrus's view).

This isn't to say that the concept won't work. As I've already implied, it's a base concept. What you do with it beyond that can make or break your story. The "beyond that" part can be provided through a whole host of methods. For example, what's Minerva's beef with the human race? How is she planning on creating this new world? (Are there legendaries involved? Is it science? Keep in mind that every evil organization uses legendaries to achieve their plots, so... yeah.) Where does the protagonist fit in? Why does the protagonist disagree with Minerva? What does that character do to stop her? And so on and so forth.

Keep in mind that these are all rhetorical questions (meaning I don't actually want you to answer them -- especially given the fact that, judging by how you just said your story isn't a carbon-copy of the games, you don't really need too much help in figuring out whether or not the answers to these would help you avoid giving a reader the feeling that your fic is a rip-off). They're just there to provide examples of the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself in order to build your story a bit further.

In short, though, if your story isn't a carbon-copy, then there's nothing you need to worry about.
Yeah, PokeSpecial did do the base plot as well. But as I'm sure you know, nothing is completely original anymore. It's making it your own that counts, and doing it well. Your point about the original PMD arc also holds true. Humans seem to have died out in that world.

Mmm. Those are good questions, and I've already gone over them a few times. Sorry that my reply isn't near as long as yours, but I think that we've said pretty much everything there is to say on this without rehashing things. Thanks for your input, JX.
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  #187    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (12:34 PM).
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I know this sounds stupid but... Would a playthrough fic of an OCR (Original Character Reigon), with Serebii-esque details of every-route and encounter (albeit with some humorous, snappy dialouge) be considered a 'good idea'?

I mean, would you read it even if there was a pictures thrown in and a subplot of me being held hostage by GameFreak to play it after a misunderstanding with Ken Sugimori on Twitter?

Noob out.
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  #188    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (03:14 PM).
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Originally Posted by The_Noob View Post
I know this sounds stupid but... Would a playthrough fic of an OCR (Original Character Reigon), with Serebii-esque details of every-route and encounter (albeit with some humorous, snappy dialouge) be considered a 'good idea'?

I mean, would you read it even if there was a pictures thrown in and a subplot of me being held hostage by GameFreak to play it after a misunderstanding with Ken Sugimori on Twitter?

Noob out.
The Noob, if you mean making a playthrough like how IGN does with walkthroughs, I don't think I'll be excited about it, even with humorous dialogue. I might get bored after a while.

As for pictures, I tend to not like pics in fanfics as it'll distract me from the writing itself. I'm fine though if the pics are separated from the story. As for the subplot, you'll have to be careful with that as having you as a self-insert like that could either be really funny or it might look like you're forcing the comedy out. I tend to be skeptical over comedic situations like that.
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  #189    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (03:46 PM).
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The Noob, if you mean making a playthrough like how IGN does with walkthroughs, I don't think I'll be excited about it, even with humorous dialogue. I might get bored after a while.

As for pictures, I tend to not like pics in fanfics as it'll distract me from the writing itself. I'm fine though if the pics are separated from the story. As for the subplot, you'll have to be careful with that as having you as a self-insert like that could either be really funny or it might look like you're forcing the comedy out. I tend to be skeptical over comedic situations like that.

Heh, I was expecting such things. Maybe I've been doing too much Cracked.com, and I've been wanting to write something similar to one of their (hillarious) articles.

I'll go for a traditional fanfic about how the internet would work in the Pokemon World instead.

Noob out.
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  #190    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (07:53 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SeleneHime View Post
But as I'm sure you know, nothing is completely original anymore.
To put it bluntly, yes and no. Yes, I do know that it's difficult (but not impossible, just to encourage a good number of you) to come up with an original idea. In fact, I believe I mentioned in the second paragraph of that other post I wrote that the part I was referring to (Pokémon Special, Mystery Dungeon, et cetera -- or, put it in different terms, the theme of "humans are a detriment to the world"... which, yes, is a theme) is a base concept, not a full concept.

That being said, I will have to say I hate it when people say that no story is original anymore. That's partly because it sounds so much like an excuse (and frequently is used as one when an author decides to write a "same plot, different character names" kind of story) and partly because it's still not entirely true. As I've said in that other post and the above paragraph, I was referring to base concepts, otherwise known as theme. The theme is not the entirety of the story; the theme is the thing that the story is built upon. All of those examples have similarities, but does that mean Pokémon recycles its own plot over and over again? Nope. Does it mean that its own storyline isn't original? Nope. What it means is that all of those examples attempt to answer the same question of whether or not humans are forces of good in that world. Those people say no, and they plot to do something about it. As you can also tell, they had completely different methods of going about and solving this problem. Lance had the Elite Four attack cities with legions of Pokémon. Cyrus attempted to use Dialga and Palkia to create a new world without humans and move on over (leaving this one intact). No one's quite sure what happened with the Mystery Dungeon universe, but it's implied that humans simply mass-migrated somewhere else (because there are still humans, just not there). For that reason, each story called for the protagonist to do something a little bit different. PokéSpe had the main characters team up with Team Rocket in order to defeat the Elite Four one by one. DP has you capturing the legendary at Spear Pillar to stop Team Galactic once and for all (and even then, in the anime, the story and manga differ completely from this still). Mystery Dungeon doesn't even bother solving the problem because it turns out their world really is better off without humans. So, each one isn't really unoriginal. It just so happens that they share some very basic concepts.

Is it possible to avoid sharing very basic concepts (like themes, character types, settings, and so on)? Probably not, and in that sense, sure, nothing is "completely original." However, this is like saying everyone is the same person because we share parts of our personalities and interests with other people. This is really no reason to call every story unoriginal.

And I'm sorry for being biting, but this topic comes up now and then, and it gets really frustrating because, as I've said, it's usually from people who want to defend a bland story idea. Not saying yours is. Just saying I'm really, really tired of hearing that phrase "no story is completely original." It's original when you build your plot in a way that doesn't make it sound like it's just a rehashing of an already trite storyline.

[/rant]
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  #191    
Old April 2nd, 2011 (08:01 PM).
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Just to exercise my brain and writing muscles I have decided to write a fanfic where Ash and Co. visits my home country of Singapore.

I am using the cast of BW season in Pokemon.

Basically Ash travels to an island nation known as Entepore. Odd things happen to Ash and Co. once they land on this island whose people speak Singlish and end with "lahs".etc

Also laws that oppress Pokemon-related activities are abound in this island just as strict laws with big penalties exist in real world Singapore.

However as the 3 part series goes on, Ash and his new friend discovers that there is more than meets the eye with laws that defied those used by the Pokemon Association.

The Plot is still being concocted.

I wonder if I am going to write this in 3rd person in the point of view of a minor Character who comes in contact with Ash. Or maybe from Ash's point of view.
Just some updates on the Entepore chapter, the Ash and the protagonist discover that the reason behind the laws that indirectly make Enteporeans somewhat Pokemon haters was because the opposition team believes that one of the governers of Enterpore is part of Team Plasma. The protagonist believes that the only way to save Enterpore is to find the pokemon, Entei.
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  #192    
Old April 3rd, 2011 (07:41 AM).
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To put it bluntly, yes and no. Yes, I do know that it's difficult (but not impossible, just to encourage a good number of you) to come up with an original idea. In fact, I believe I mentioned in the second paragraph of that other post I wrote that the part I was referring to (Pokémon Special, Mystery Dungeon, et cetera -- or, put it in different terms, the theme of "humans are a detriment to the world"... which, yes, is a theme) is a base concept, not a full concept.

That being said, I will have to say I hate it when people say that no story is original anymore. That's partly because it sounds so much like an excuse (and frequently is used as one when an author decides to write a "same plot, different character names" kind of story) and partly because it's still not entirely true. As I've said in that other post and the above paragraph, I was referring to base concepts, otherwise known as theme. The theme is not the entirety of the story; the theme is the thing that the story is built upon. All of those examples have similarities, but does that mean Pokémon recycles its own plot over and over again? Nope. Does it mean that its own storyline isn't original? Nope. What it means is that all of those examples attempt to answer the same question of whether or not humans are forces of good in that world. Those people say no, and they plot to do something about it. As you can also tell, they had completely different methods of going about and solving this problem. Lance had the Elite Four attack cities with legions of Pokémon. Cyrus attempted to use Dialga and Palkia to create a new world without humans and move on over (leaving this one intact). No one's quite sure what happened with the Mystery Dungeon universe, but it's implied that humans simply mass-migrated somewhere else (because there are still humans, just not there). For that reason, each story called for the protagonist to do something a little bit different. PokéSpe had the main characters team up with Team Rocket in order to defeat the Elite Four one by one. DP has you capturing the legendary at Spear Pillar to stop Team Galactic once and for all (and even then, in the anime, the story and manga differ completely from this still). Mystery Dungeon doesn't even bother solving the problem because it turns out their world really is better off without humans. So, each one isn't really unoriginal. It just so happens that they share some very basic concepts.

Is it possible to avoid sharing very basic concepts (like themes, character types, settings, and so on)? Probably not, and in that sense, sure, nothing is "completely original." However, this is like saying everyone is the same person because we share parts of our personalities and interests with other people. This is really no reason to call every story unoriginal.

And I'm sorry for being biting, but this topic comes up now and then, and it gets really frustrating because, as I've said, it's usually from people who want to defend a bland story idea. Not saying yours is. Just saying I'm really, really tired of hearing that phrase "no story is completely original." It's original when you build your plot in a way that doesn't make it sound like it's just a rehashing of an already trite storyline.

[/rant]
I understand your sentiment all too well. However, as you have mentioned, many do use that line to defend bland and overused works. I suppose I should've saved you the rant and expanded upon what I was thinking. My apologies.

I was underlining the fact that every work is inspired by something, or in some cases, many things. People take inspiration from some of the most random things, and usually every author has someone they look up to. So, while it is up to the author his/herself to make sure their work is original, it will carry a hint of flavor of something else in it. However, while you are right that to call everything unoriginal is a bit cynical and lazy, it is only as original as the storyteller makes it.
I'm not trying to start a debate and/or dissection of writing with you, and while it seems to have already happened, rest assured it was not my intention. Perhaps I'd best bow out before I dig myself into a deeper hole, eh?
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  #193    
Old April 3rd, 2011 (04:41 PM).
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I have an idea for a future fanfic

Right after completing my current fanfic, I plan to write another crossover of pokemon/mario. It will be a novelization of paper mario and another which will be paper mario: the thousond year door. It will include several of my main characters of my current fanfic, link, zelda, kirby, and possibly sonic, and of course mario. And when I get started, I want someone to work with on this fanfic. Any ideas on how to get started.
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  #194    
Old April 3rd, 2011 (05:05 PM).
The_Noob
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Hey! Thought bubble!

I'm in a sort of 'I wonder what N's childhood was like?' mood. It would be interesting to make a quick oneshot about a day in N's life, specifically one where he meets Pokemon for the first time, or he gets beaten up and mentally tortured by Ghetsis and his Pokemon, etc.

I've seen a few before on FF.net, but they're usually Harmoniashipping, which means that Ghetsis rapes him, often times while N is playing with blocks. The description these fangirls go into to describe how it would feel to be cornholed by a family member with children's toys digging into your chest makes you wonder what happened to them as children.

As such, I'd rather have Ghetsis be more of a verbally, psychologically, or physically abusive father than a sexually abusive one. I don't even think he would be monstrous enough to rape N.

Also, I think he's an immortal sorcerer, and has had a crapload of kids before N, one of them being Hunter J, if you go by anime canon. But that's just my thoughts regurgitated onto text.

Noob out.
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  #195    
Old April 16th, 2011 (01:46 AM).
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I have a -er- bunny to pull out of a hat.

I have explored this idea in the past, back when I failed to understand what a 'paragraph' was. I'm hoping to get some feedback!

Title: Nyu Jirando

Genre: Action/Adventure/Drama/Comedy

Meet Auster. He is a university student, slacking off with his research, partying, setting couches on fire and pretty much anything besides studying for his exams. When he falls just short of the mark to pass he receives an offer from the head Evolutionary professor to study evolution in the field and recording it. The problem is, in order to do this, Auster has to take the Nyu Jirando league challenge.

Auster hates Pokemon trainers, and being around Pokemon all together. He sees them as souless beasts, growing up on a farm has desensitized him to the fact that they have emotions too. He detests wannabe try-hard trainers, running about cities and the countryside like they own the place, commanding their powerful creatures for the bidding.

But he has no choice, in order to make the cut to pass (he has no money to try again next year) he takes three Pokemon from his fathers farm, a Ponyta, a Mareep and a Spoink and heads out into the harsh world of Pokemon training. Not an easy thing to do for someone an 'attitude' and the inability to accept defeat.

Trouble is brewing in Nyu Jirando however. The uprising "Mongrel Mob" are causing havoc throughout the country. They are bent to steal as many Pokemon as they can, and the testing they perform on them... is not pretty. If they succeed, evolution around the entire world will change forever, infact. It will never occur again if the Everstone Bomb is released.

Their gang-like intimidation is forcing even peaceful people to join their ranks. They are operating in secret and attacking using terrorist strategies. If this continues, the entire country will fall into chaos.

Meet Sue. A french Evolutionary Studies student who corresponds with Auster. She is beautiful and has a great singing voice. She has a wealthy background and never hesitates to splash out on bizzare and beautiful outfits. Her true passion is Pokemon and evolution. She is travelling to meet Auster and help him record his journey and any evolutions he may witness, she is going to compete in the Nyu Jirando league too. She carries with her specially bred Pokemon gifted to her from her father to aid her quest. However, with the Mongrel Mob controlling the airport she lands in, things could turn ugly quickly.

Meet James. A runner up of the Kanto league losing narrowly to his rival. He specializes in combination attacks and can often tutor Pokemon to use techniques they cannot usually learn. All of his Pokemon are unevolved despite their huge power and speed. It was the only thing that stopped him from becoming champion. There isn't a day when he doesn't wonder why none of his companions had changed form yet. After hearing that Nyu Jirando boasted the top evolutionary professors he travels there, on the same plane as Sue to compete in the Nyu Jirando league and hopefully discover the secret planted deep inside his Pokemon.

These three lives all meet, and they realise one shocking fact.

They need each other.

A heavy weight rests on the shoulders of these three individuals. If one falls, the other will crumble.

Unless they can defeat the demons inside themselves, put aside their personal issues and focus on the bigger picture...

Nyu Jirando will fall into chaos.

Experience action, humour, and a burning passion for sucuess as these three unique personalities travel this young land in search of strength, wisdom and the most important thing of all... truth.

Featuring new Pokemon, new evolutions, an evil group that is prepared to shoot, and kill and the greatest power struggle that threatens to tip the balance of all energy into oblivion.

If the bomb is created... and the bomb is set off...

Not only will evolution cease to exist...

But so will all people

so will all places

so will all Pokemon

so will...

everything...


^
Just a rough idea, can I please have comments and if anyone has questions I am happy to answer. There is plenty I haven't covered but that is just because I would have an even bigger text wall for everyone to trawl through =D
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  #196    
Old April 24th, 2011 (08:03 AM). Edited April 24th, 2011 by Squirtle..
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Here are a couple of plots which I have had in mind. I would like to get some criticism on each, and hear what people feel would be the best fanfic to go with. I'm fond on both ideas, and at some point plan to complete both, I'm just unsure as to which I would like to go fourth with right now. So here are my two plot summaries for the fanfics, "Pokémon Fossil" and "The Melodic Mare". A t the moment I am leaning towards "The Melodic Mare" but I'm open to opinions.

Pokémon Fossil
Adio was an atypical kid, while other children his age began their journeys as Pokemon trainers, he instead would spend his days visiting the nearby ruins. Adio studied as ruin maniacs would scan the area, searching for fossils of ancient Pokémon. He would watch as dust gather, and slowly drifted in the air as the prospect of finding something was all to real. The ruins went without much of any findings for an extremely long period of time, to an extent where all the ruin maniacs packed up and left the site. Adio was disheartened, the site where he had spent a tremendous portion of his time was never to be touched again- unless.

Adio ran back to his house and gathered numerous objects, a brush used to comb the fur of Pokémon, a toothbrush, some steel objects and a few gardening tools from his mother's garden. Day after day, Adio would proceed in where the ruin maniacs had left off, he would patiently scrub the gorund to an extent where his fingernails became tattered and his hands rough as the ground that he would dig through. With his clothes dirty and tattered he would leave the ruins depressed. The day that he had almost completed the dig was a depressing day, not a single fossil had been found. Adio stared at the final plot of land, questioning as to weather he should even bother to finish the dig. As he stared, he turned to see someone else enter the ruin site. Adio watched, guessing it was just another passer by, was he ever wrong.

This unknown figure made his way towards Adio, almost as though he was inspecting the job he had done. Adio shied away from him, but the guy was persistent in starting a conversation. He complimented his work, and was appalled by the fact that he had accomplished so much with such makeshift tools. The man introduced himself as Bill, a researcher who has had a grand amount of experience with Pokémon paleontology and had an immense conversation dealing with his findings, but was disappointed to hear he had no findings. Bill noticed the patch of land untouched and questioned why it was untouched. Adio explained that he was going to leave it as he believed there to be no point. Bill was shocked by what he had heard, and was sly in convincing Adio to continue fourth. The duo spent the entire day, and most of the night searching, nothing was found until an orange glow emitted from the ground. The two stared at it, amazed. The two became hysterical, dancing and frolicking in the dead of night.

Bill made an inquiry, asking Adio to come to his lab with him, as he was impressed with his drive and uncanny ability. In Bill's lab, Adio learns an extensive amount of knowledge. The most amazing thing Adio witnessed was this machine that Bill had claimed to be able to resurrect fossils in present day, as well as a certain invention that when finished would presumably allow travel to a Pokémon region, in the past. The two continue their studies, eventually completing both machines. The Amber found back in the ruins was taken and inserted in the machine. Both of the ruin loving boys gazed, bewildered, as an Aerodactyl emerged from the machine. Amazed with the fact that the machine worked, the two began to extensively work with the machine that would allow time travel -along with extensive research of, and immense playing with Aerodactyl-

Work continued, and finally the machine had been finished, ready to engage in something none other had every attempted, time travel. Both Bill and Adio entered, Aerodactyl at their sides. The switch flicked and they watched as the world around them transformed, they weren't in Johto anymore, they found themselves in the Mesozoa region, surrounded by the Pokémon unseen before, besides in fossil form. The two travel throughout the Mesozoa region, studying, sketching, battling and foiling a huge dilemma that plagues the region.

The Melodic Mare
Many years ago, in the Melodic Mare (A region East of the Orange Archipelago that consists of floating paradises.) there existed a group of Pokémon trainers who were referred to as PokéMinstrels. They would train Pokémon as normal trainers do, but also would aid in developing a Pokémon's musical ability. Throughout the region people would gather in the numerous colosseums that were found in each town, in order to hear the beautiful melodies that the PokéMinstrels would teach their Pokémon. A PokéMinstrel's goal was to become the Master of Melody, receiving the greatest positive response from the crowd at each of the colosseum shows.

Brighton, a boy with an undeniable talent, a true ear for music has recently turned 12, the age at which people begin their journeys as a true PokéMinstrel. Along with his lifelong companion, his beloved Chatot he looks to achieve his dream of becoming a Master of Melody. Brighton finds himself encountering numerous hardships, from an easily distracted, thick skulled Chatot, to a rival who seems to be the epitome of perfection when it comes to PokéMinstel standards. Brighton is determined, but his quirky fun loving personality, mixed with his seriousness that is associated with music leads to some crazy situations.
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  #197    
Old April 29th, 2011 (08:44 PM).
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IanDonyer
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Okay, MayNoWriMo Novel.

- Six years prior to the start of the story, Sarah Scott falls asleep in her home while only her son, Terrence, is in the home, sick- she is watching over him. Father Christopher Scott and daughters Elizabeth and Sierra are out to go see a movie. Sarah is a known insomniac, and has not slept for two days. She makes the mistake of falling asleep with a cigarette in her hand, and the house goes up in flames. Sarah and Terrence are burned badly, and in the ICU ward of Azalea General Hospital, the next morning, Terrence passes away. Sarah passes away just three hours after.

To escape the town in which the tragedy occurred, as well as find a new home, they move to Pallet Town, Kanto.

Six years later, single father Christopher Scott spots a story in the Pallet Gazette, a local newspaper. ANTI, the Annual New Trainer Initiative is coming to Pallet Town! Normally, ANTI travels around the region, going in the "traditional" order set up in order of gyms by Red, a local legend from about eleven years ago, thus making trainers in any other town either catch their own Pokemon, or go to the town ANTI is in. This year is their restarting, having been in Cinnabar last year.

He decides to enroll his daughters in the initiative. This is for two reasons; one, he hopes for them to see the world, find new, fun experiences. Second, he thinks they would be better off. Training in these days was a way for people to make a living, even young ladies like themselves, and Christopher Scott needed to see that. He had a bit of difficulty holding down a job, and thus money was always kind of tight around the Scott House.

So, he does, and tells them: Elizabeth, who has chosen by now to go by the name Beth, is awestruck, but excited. Sierra was a lot closer to their mother than Beth ever was, though, and had been struck by it harder - she was still acting out to this day. So of course daddy dearest's decision didn't sit well with her.

So he leads them to the area where ANTI starts, and they go through it, Sierra forcibly.
On the way, they run into Matthew Joyson, part of an established family: the Joysons were better known for their female members, with their curly pink hair and medical skill. Called Nurse Joys, who tended to volunteer in the local Pokemon Centers, and Pallet Town's Daisy Oak Nursery was no exception. Matt battles both Beth's Squirtle, Shelly, and Sierra's Bulbasaur, Venus, with his Charmander, Blair- and loses against both of them, interestingly enough. He declares them his rivals, then runs off.

The story is basically running off typical journey fic-isms for a while. The two sisters travel together for a bit, then drift off while Beth decides to take a detour for exploration and experience purposes, and Sierra wants to go on with the flow. One more rival fight with Matt Joyson.
At Cerulean City, Beth runs into a woman in all black, leather clothing. On the front of her shirt is a pink label - TR.

She identifies herself as being from Team Rocket.

Beth, of course, recognizing the name, is shocked. Team Rocket was supposed to have disbanded nine years ago with their total defeat by Johto's famous trainer, Ethan. So she figures this must be a hoax. She battles the girl with all three of the Pokemon she has by this point and loses horribly against the girl's single Pokemon, an odd steely thing with blades for arms.

She identifies herself as Tierra I, and says to Beth to spread the word. Team Rocket is coming back strong, and will make their first move soon- and it will deal a devestating blow to Kanto's economic system.

Sierra, in Vermillion, and Matt in Mt. Moon run into similar circumstances themselves, against a man identifying himself as Tierra II, and a woman identifying herself as Tierra III, respectively.
Things run smoothly again for a while at this point. In Vermillion (once again, this 'traditional order' most trainers follow, thinking, 'Hey, if RED did it and got so good, maybe I can too!'), Matt and Beth join together to travel, figuring it to be a good money strategy as well as a bit of safety, they both figure- though the latter, neither tells the other.

Now, in Celadon City, an attack on the Department Store occurs. Local Gym Leader Erika comes to defend the place, but is overriden by the sole numbers. Beth, Sierra and Matt are all in the city at this point (Sierra, admittedly, has a bit of a gambling problem; was in the local game corner, wasting her time away), and with Beth swearing and frightened, are all drawn into the fight.

But of course, they all recognize that pink "TR".

They run into Tierra II ater fighting through a few lower grunts of the team, and fight him in a triple battle. They win by a thread, more than anything by a lucky shot by Blair, now a Charmeleon, and his Flamethrower, and of course, a bit of last minute aid from Erika.

The Rockets retreat. The Department Store is devestated, and closed down for a while; which is bad, as it provided most of the supplies to Kanto's Pokemarts, forcing them to import from Johto. But suddenly, a woman calling herself Arianna Dupree comes up and offers assistance. The Pokemarts accept it, and they are given what seems to be a limitless amount of supplies.
The next Rocket incident is in Fuschia City. The Safari Zone is a large, untamed patch of wilderness which has only recently been reopened to the public, and it gets invaded by Rocket Grunts, as well as Tierra III. Beth and Matt only take this one on, and lose this time due to the powerful, rare Pokemon that Tierra III seems to have control over- even though they aren't in Pokeballs. T

Now of course, two major blows to the economic system occur. A major source of Fuschia City's income for its government programs was planned to be the Safari Zone, and due to the incontrollable wild Pokemon, it is closed down. Guess who comes to the rescue with donations to Fuschia City? Arianna Dupree.

This is starting to grow serious. A Police Investigation of Team Rocket is started, and Beth, Sierra and Matt are asked for assistance due to their involvement in the Celadon Incident.

But, they decline, claiming themselves to just be children wanting to get their Pokemon Journies onward. So, the investigation goes on without them.

Normality 'till Sierra's visit to Cinnabar. Sierra finds out that a rampaging Nidoking is going through the island, and even Gym Leader Furn is unable to stop it. So Sierra goes to check out, battling it intensely, and catches it, adding it as the final member of the team.

Furn offers her a treat to dinner and a battle, free-of-charge (Gym Battles in these days cost a bit of money), for her help. She agrees, and says she'll meet him in the gym later that night.

She does not show up.

Guess who shows up to fund the reconstruction after the Nidoking rampage, by the way? Arianna Dupree.

Later, Beth and Matt show up to the gym, challenging Furn. He makes an offhand remark about Beth’s resemblance to a girl who had saved the town, so Beth asks her name; Furn responds with Sierra, and mentions that she went missing.

Beth and Matt finish up the battle, then go to fervently search for their disappeared sister/friend, of whom they cannot contact over the phone or through any other possible way. They manage to locate a old detective who speaks in strange language and calls himself, “Looker”. Looker is a local retiree, but has come out of his rest for the new Team Rocket case, and locates through some old friends an old abandoned base that suddenly came back to life in the Sevii Islands.

So with their gratitude (and a bit of their money) toward “Looker”, the two rush off toward that base. They are convinced that the new Rockets have kidnapped Sierra. In this base, they run into the three Tierras, who try to stop them.

They are captured and thrown into a jail, while their boss, acclaimed as, “Tierra Radiance” (TR! It was all a ploy, the Team Rocket part, to scare people and generally leave them with as little competition as possiable), tries to decide what to do with them. They recognize this face as the world-famous Arianna Dupree. Arianna decides in the end that their punishment is to be executed. Tierra I, who Arianna refers to as Nicole, and her Bisharp are given the job.

Tierra II is left to guard them while they wait for Nicole to come. He introduces himself as Roy Undelle, and offers them a chance to escape and go after their Pokemon. Roy, who in the past worked as a behavioral analyst for the Guardia Civil, Kanto’s FBI, tells his own profile- an organized narcissistic psychopath. He loves the thrills. Such an organized execution is revealed to be, to him... boring. So he hands Matt the jail cell keys, makes Matt punch him in the face to break his nose, and watches them escape.

They manage to sneak round the underground jail cells a bit and find their Pokeballs, only to be confronted by Nicole, Tierra I. Matt offers himself to battle her. They nod to each other, and Beth sneaks off with a bit of distraction from Matt.

Matt’s battle is difficult. Pretty much because of that Articuno Nicole is using. He manages a win, but is down to one, exhausted Pokemon because of it. He rushes off after Beth.

Beth, in the mean time, manages to find the cell in which Sierra was indeed being held, an early capture for disrupting their plans on Cinnabar with a certain rampaging Nidoking. After defeating a grunt in charge of guarding the cell, she frees Sierra; but the noise draws in Tierra II, Roy Undelle. Sierra offers to do this one, while Beth reluctantly agrees, as she knows her sister and sees no point in arguing with a stubborn personality.

Sierra’s battle is also difficult. She had her Pokeballs in the desk drawer of the room that her cell was in, so they were an easy find, but the not-so-easy part was that Zapdos Roy has. He reveals that Team Radiance, or TR- or, Team rocket-, used control chips that Tierra III, their technology expert, created. They have control of all three legendary birds. Sierra wins also, but with the same predicament as the last one to go through this trial.

Beth is the one to finally encounter Tierra III, who reveals her name to be Victoria. Of course, she has Moltres, and Beth and her fight fiercely; it ends in a tie. Beth's Blissey helps heal two of her team members, at the cost of basically draining all of her energy, leaving her unable to battle.

Being the only one with more than one functioning Pokemon, Beth is left to battle Arianna Dupree. The backstory of this rich girl is revealed.

Arianna Dupree was the daughter of Richard Dupree, a man who once monopolized all of the Kanto region's 'marts. Richard was a cold man who's thoughts were business; and sex, so much to the point of using his daughter for it. She was molested by him, and her mother did nothing about it. She left home at an earlier age than most did of her class, at around thirteen. She was living the life of a normal trainer for a while, conditioning her to that lifestyle; but when her father died of 'mysterious' circumstances, which she identifies to be her own fault, the inheritance money is just about enough to feed her for life.

She wants more.

So, bitter and angry with the world, and greedy, she begins to gather people. The first major promise of this group was Nicole Hendricks, a single mother with a three-year old son. She offers her a spot in a criminal gang for protection of her son, consistent pay, and the mother-daughter relationship in which this girl craves. She lost her mother early, and her dad was a deserter. The girl all-too-eagerly plain ol' ditches her son, and agrees.

The next person she confronts is a man named Roy Undelle. A former cop gone bad, she digs in some dirt and realizes that this man has taken quite a few lives- not all in justifiable spirit, either. Both with this dirt as bribery and using this man's thrill seeking wishes, she convinces him to join.

Finally, the third and most important person was Victoria Smith. Victoria grew up in relative normalcy- except for the whole, 'Hey, daddy hits mommy some nights when his breath stinks and she apologizes for it. That's weird' trauma. Victoria simply fell in love with technology, and that's what gave her the appeal that Arianna sought out. She joins with little to no problem.

With these three people as underlings, she begins to plan. Plan, grow and plot for her revenge against the world.

The battle is long and difficult. While she holds no legendary Pokemon, Arianna is an excellent battler with skilled and strong Pokemon. Beth loses.

Sierra comes into the picture next. Manages to defeat one or two of Arianna's Pokemon with her exhausted Venusaur, but ends up getting all of her team taken out, too.

Matt also defeats one or two of her Pokemon. This narrows it down to one Pokemon on Arianna's side, and none on the kid's.

What saves their lives then is simple. Furn, hearing about this base from Looker, gathers Erika and Janine, the two leaders also affected by the plans of Team Radiance. They, having had the opposition cleared, rushed through easily and found the children on their last leg, about to get their butts stomped into the ground by a Rampardos.

Arianna Dupree is defeated. In the typical cliche of a badguy, she pulls out the good ol' self-destruct button.

Within three minutes, the old base will self-destruct. With the help of Janine's two Scythers and their agility attack, they make it out in time.

And from here on out, story is typical rip-off from Kanto plotline. Matt and Beth fight one more time, Matt loses; Beth goes onto the Indigo Plateau after winning the eighth badge, and gets through Victory Road (barely), fighting the Elite Four and finding...

dun dun dun, Sierra as the champion, having reached the position just an hour before her. The two fight intensely, and the only plot-twist is that Beth does end up losing. Beth goes back to Pallet to live as quietly as possible (beating up a major organization sort of puts some press on you, though luckily Sierra's championship does take some of the spotlight) with her father, letting Sierra have her fun up at the Indigo Plateau.

End of story.

So, any major kinks? I would appreciate quick response if possible, as you know... I only have 'till Sunday in order to really work out the majority of the stuff. =p Then I gotta get 'ta writing. Kinks in the later plot, though, can be done a few days after, of course...

Any feedback at all would be appreciate, though. :p

*phew* Spent all day writing all this up.
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  #198    
Old May 4th, 2011 (05:51 PM).
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I'm confused about my Pokemon Adventures story. I don't know what should happen when Paul and Kairi get to the Viridian City Pokemon center. I don't want it to be what happened on the show. My sister suggested that the Center loses power and there's a Pokemon that's real sick and could die if power isn't returned soon. And Kairi and Paul help Nurse Joy treat it. Is that a good idea? Would Paul really do something like this?
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Old May 4th, 2011 (05:58 PM).
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That's still rather close to what happened on the show. Team Rocket's attack cut the power to the Center, and the characters were worried about the Pokemon at the Center. The same thing happened in another episode of the show, where the power of the city went out, and there were plenty of sick Pokemon at the center. Ash and friends had to go to the power plant and return power to the city, or else the Pokemon would not get better.

I'm not really sure how Paul would react in that situation. I want to say that he'd scoff at the idea of helping a Pokemon that's weak, but then again, I'm really not an expert on Paul's character.

What result do you need from this chapter? I mean like what information do the characters get from this event, or how do the characters change, or how does the plot need to move on from this? Because there might be a way to get the result you want without using an attack on the Pokemon Center. If that makes sense.
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  #200    
Old May 4th, 2011 (06:00 PM).
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Konekodemon
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There is no attack. I was thinking Team Rocket didn't cut the power. It just went off cause of a huge storm. And my point is I'm trying to show readers that deep down inside even though Paul can be a jerk sometimes, he does really care about people and Pokemon.
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