Pokemon Crystal Shards - PCS

[KingCharizard]

Welcome to my thread. Some of you may remember me from my last game Pokemon Crystal Sun, Also known as PCS. Crystal Sun was never finished, I won't call it a failure for two reasons first I learned alot while creating that game, and second this game kinda evolved from it. Well on to this project, without farther ado...

Region Map Goes Here - Need to make one still.

The Niak Region: Thousands of years ago there was a Pokémon so powerful it created the Niak Region it was known as the Creator. The Niak region is lush & green with its fair share of mountains, forest, oceans and caves. He also created 3 Guardians one of Fire, water, and nature these guardians watched over the region and lived in peace and harmony with the people. The people worshipped the guardians even built shrines for them and offered them gifts and in return the guardians made life easy. As time went by the Niak region began to expand, the more it expanded the more the people would develop/use technology to keep up with the changes. People eventually became so dependent on technology that they forgot about the guardians. This enraged the guardians they eventually started to bring chaos to the Niak region. The water guardian flooded villages, the fire guardian set ablaze villages, the nature guardian made forests appear in the middle of the villages. But since each element would cancel out the other, the guardians eventually started fighting each other. Each one trying to earn back the people’s love and respect for themselves but their feud became so out of control that the creator could no longer sit back and watch them destroy his creation, so he stepped in, alone he struggled to defeat the three raging Pokémon after a long battle he had finally won, he created crystal shards from his body and sealed the guardians power inside the crystals, powerless each guardian fled to their elements and would enter what is said to be an eternal slumber. With its last bit of energy the creator then let out a huge blast of light; it and all three crystal shards had disappeared.

The Legend: It’s said if the shards are found and placed on shrines built to worship the Pokémon the guardians would regain their power and only answer to the person who placed the shard on the shrine. The legend also says if all three are awakened at once, again there will be chaos; if they aren’t stopped the region will be destroyed. Of course this is all just a legend, in fact no one had ever found these crystals, and most said they didn’t exist, until today…




Features:

• New characters & storyline
• 4 new Pokémon
• New abilities, moves and items
• Two new, more passionately evil teams
• New Gym Leaders, Elite Four and Champion

Screens:

Here is the new quick nav system, its still in development about 50% Complete

Wanted:
Spriter - Trainer battle Sprites, Trainer Overworlds & Fakemon skills a must.
I really just need a few spriters but any other help is good too...

Credits:
Poccil - Essentials
Wichu - HGSS Ow's
Kyledove & Newtiteaf - Tiles
LostSoulsDev - Quick Nav

If I left anyone out let me know...

Update:

[Crazyninjaguy]

Looking good so far!
I'm liking the detail that the sort of 'legend' went into.
The storyline looks pretty good so far too, nice job :D

[Gigatom~]

Nice D/P System. Looks good !
But I think it's better when you change the Pokémon Battle Sprites.

Gigatom~

[KingCharizard]

Thanks guys. I actually resized and modified most of the battle system script. I am almost done fixing the mouse controls

Edit: A quick little update, created a stand in graphic so the bottom screen doesnt look so dull for right now

Spoiler:

[Kininja]

The POkemon's Sprites look bad
You must of shrunk them or suming
... ?
Fix it
ANyway it looks good

[Zephyr+]

...This game... really? You seem like you know how to use RMXP, but then WHY are you making a game that's so... so... boring? I mean in. There is absolutely nothing in this plot that makes the game any different from the other fangames. You've got your "evil team wants to capture the legendaries and use them to rule the world/accomplish asinine goal" plot, your all-new region furnished in the same kyletiles everyone else uses, your "features" which might as well be copy-pasted from another Showcase game, and your utterly pointless dualscreen.

Is there ANYTHING that would actually make people want to play this? :/

(also, you might want to have your storyline text not be too light to read without highlighting it)

[AceDragonite]

Originally Posted by Zephyr+

...This game... really? You seem like you know how to use RMXP, but then WHY are you making a game that's so... so... boring? I mean in. There is absolutely nothing in this plot that makes the game any different from the other fangames. You've got your "evil team wants to capture the legendaries and use them to rule the world/accomplish asinine goal" plot, your all-new region furnished in the same kyletiles everyone else uses, your "features" which might as well be copy-pasted from another Showcase game, and your utterly pointless dualscreen.

Is there ANYTHING that would actually make people want to play this? :/

(also, you might want to have your storyline text not be too light to read without highlighting it)

Something about the storyline actually strikes my fancy, but I can't quite put my finger on it. And yeah I agree, why did he put it in yellow font?
----------------------------------
@kingcharizard
This plot would only work for an 80+ fakemon game, yours is not, so I might refrain from paying attention to this game. Also Crystal Shards sounds like a remake. Give it a better name. And I'm sick of seeing games with "Oh around 10 fakemon". You either go full fakemon or not. I prefer fakemon games, although many others dislike them. That's all I have to say/

[KingCharizard]

I don't have a spriter so I am not certain id I will even have any fakemon but if I do get one I don't want to ask them to do a lot. About the plot Its what u don't see that makes it interesting. This is still early in development that's why its in the drawing board. Things will develop and change.

[Cilerba]

I have to agree with Zephyr.
There's nothing to this game that really makes people want to play it.

The graphics are really outdated.
You may want to go with somebody else's tiles. Just browse deviantart for some new Pokémon tiles that you can use.

And the dual screen could use some work graphically.
The bottom screen of the battle system doesn't look that great, and you should really stretch the cursor 2x.

[KingCharizard]

"Graphics are really outdated" funny seeing how its all forth gen graphics... I won't use another tileset kyles tiles are fine. But thanks for the coments

[Esmas]

Yes, the graphics are outdated. By that, everyone means that they're used by 80-90% of all of the fangames I've seen here, and it really bothers me that you use them with the saturated, official game sprites; there's too much of a contrast there. Oh, and I'm sorry, but due to the extremely light font, I can't read your thread :P

[shubhamthegreat]

A d/p screeen is awesome i like games who use it

[KingCharizard]

Well i'm bumping this cause i restarting this project

[Nintendork15]

Might be just me, but I'm pretty sure your not allowed to bump your own project unless you have some sort of 'update' for the forum.
Not 100% sure.
And I reckon your just bumping this because someone else's project has the same name as yours.

[Rai Rai]

Originally Posted by Nintendork15

Might be just me, but I'm pretty sure your not allowed to bump your own project unless you have some sort of 'update' for the forum.
Not 100% sure.
And I reckon your just bumping this because someone else's project has the same name as yours.

No, just no. He's bumping it and does have updates as he's change the whole of his first post, so it's legit. But nice assumption you made as he was planning to restart his game before that thread was even up.

[Nintendork15]

Originally Posted by Rai Rai

No, just no. He's bumping it and does have updates as he's change the whole of his first post, so it's legit. But nice assumption you made as he was planning to restart his game before that thread was even up.

He could of at least said he updated the first post.

And, unlike some, I'm not a mind reader so I can't tell if someone is thinking to bring there project back when a project with the same name pops up.

[KingCharizard]

Originally Posted by Nintendork15

He could of at least said he updated the first post.

And, unlike some, I'm not a mind reader so I can't tell if someone is thinking to bring there project back when a project with the same name pops up.

What was the point of you mini modding in the first place, i bumped the thread i know the rules of course i updated the first post, and since it was bumped you should know the first post was updated, i shouldn't have to mention i have. seriously if your not gonna comment on my story/plot then why comment? why stir up drama, jesus... yes the first post was updated and i'll have screens shortly...

[GAOlivier]

You couldn't have known that, of course. I knew it because KC posted it on another website( the one in my signature ) and he said he'd be restarting that project. Anyway, you could have taken a look at the first post to see that he did edit it today.
So it's all cool :3
Good to see it here KC.

[KingCharizard]

new screens added, of a new quick nav system like a touch screen but different...

[DaSpirit]

Originally Posted by KingCharizard

why stir up drama, jesus.

Every post I see you post, you start being an @$$. Just calm down and relax, there's no need to get angry for a misunderstanding.

Your sprites do seem really outdated. As for your navigation system, it looks pretty good. You should add color to it though, because I don't tell what it is unless I put my head up against the screen.

As for your story, nice. I can't believe no one thought of elemental legendaries... And I thought that Game Freak already thought of everything. There's nothing I should say more, I'm liking it.

[KingCharizard]

Originally Posted by DaSpirit

Every post I see you post, you start being an @$$. Just calm down and relax, there's no need to get angry for a misunderstanding.

Your sprites do seem really outdated. As for your navigation system, it looks pretty good. You should add color to it though, because I don't tell what it is unless I put my head up against the screen.

As for your story, nice. I can't believe no one thought of elemental legendaries... And I thought that Game Freak already thought of everything. There's nothing I should say more, I'm liking it.

Me start being an ass? What about this assumption?

And I reckon your just bumping this because someone else's project has the same name as yours.

Assumtion is the master of all screw ups, and again with the same assumption

And, unlike some, I'm not a mind reader so I can't tell if someone is thinking to bring there project back when a project with the same name pops up.

If someone is gonna say something stupid, annoying or just plain arrogant, i have every rite to voice my opinion, and its your opinion im an a$$ but you know what they say about opinions.. I also havent really posted anything in a few months but in the wiki topic. so im not really sure how i've been an @$$ or whatever

and as for the sprites their not being used if you looked at the map its the starter map, im just showing off the quick nav system

[Cilerba]

Please try not to clutter this thread up with your conversations.

[cruciFICTION]

Calm your farms, guys. I'm the only person who has a right to be angry in this thread. I had a massive awesome post this morning, but my internet decided to have a fit, so I couldn't post it. Now I shall attempt to redo it.

All my notes in red.

Originally Posted by KingCharizard

The Niak Region (except for Orre, Sinnoh, and Oblivia, most region names have five letters and more of a consonant-vowel-consonant-vowel sound. Just a thought):
Thousands of years ago, there was a Pokémon so powerful that it created the Niak Region. It was known as the Creator. (new line)
The Niak region was (don't switch tenses) lush and (spell it out) green with its fair share ("fair share" is vague. That doesn't tell us anything about how mountainous or forested it is) of mountains, forest, oceans (why mention oceans? In the entirety of Earth, there's just a few oceans. "Seas" would be better, but even then, there's no need to mention it) and caves. (new line)
He also created three (spell it out) Guardians; one of Fire, one of Water, and one of Nature. These guardians watched over the region and lived in peace and harmony with the people. The people worshipped the guardians and even built shrines for them and offered them gifts, and in return the guardians made life easy (long run-on sentence. Try to avoid that sort of thing). (new line)
As time went by, the Niak region began to expand, and the more it expanded, the more the people would develop and use technology to keep up with the changes. (new line)
People eventually became so dependent on technology that they forgot about the Guardians. This enraged them (we know who you mean. Try to avoid repetition) they brought chaos to the Niak region. (new line)
The Water Guardian flooded villages, the Fire Guardian set them (avoid repetition of "villages") ablaze villages, and the Nature Guardian made trees grow up through floors and roofs (I changed that a bit to make it slightly more, well, versatile, I guess?). (new line)
But since each element would cancel out the other, the Guardians eventually started fighting each other. Each one trying to earn back the people’s love and respect for themselves but their feud became so out of control that the Creator could no longer sit back and watch them destroy his creation, so he stepped in. Alone he struggled to defeat the three raging Pokémon. (new line)
After a long battle he had finally won, he created crystal shards from his body and sealed the Guardians' power inside. Powerless, each guardian fled to their elements and entered what is said to be an eternal slumber. With his last bit of energy, the Creator then let out a huge blast of light; it and all three crystal shards had disappeared.

Right. So, you've got a lot of grammar and punctuation errors. Particularly, you need to focus on keeping to one style. Rather than switching between "guardian" and "Guardian", pick one. Rather than switching between "it" and "He" in regards to the "Creator/creator", pick one.
Also avoid too much repetition and walls of text. Break it up into paragraphs.
You also need to take a look at your sentence structure. I didn't want to change too much around. That annoys some people. But a lot of your prose is vague and leaves a lot unsaid.

Originally Posted by KingCharizard

The Legend: It’s said that if the shards are found and placed on shrines built to worship the Pokémon, the guardians would regain their power and only answer to the person who placed the shard on the shrine. (That's a long sentence. Please, don't do that) The legend also says that if all three are awakened at once, again there will be chaos; if they aren’t stopped the region will be destroyed. (new line)
Of course, this is all just a legend. In fact, no one had ever found these crystals, and most say they don’t exist, until today…

This is a bit of a cliché. First, I have to say that the "Niak Region" section had very little to do with what the Niak region is like. It tells us about how it was created, and about some stuff that might have happened. If we listen to this "Legend" part, then we should assume that the whole part above is also just legend, which leaves us with absolutely no real history, other than that the region eventually got technology.
The "Of course, this is just a myth..." rubbish? Please, avoid that. The "until today..." rubbish? Avoid that too.
Really, you've got a powerful pokémon who creates a trio that looks after a balance. I mean, where have we heard that before?
You've also told us nothing (read: nothing) about the story line of the game itself. You've just given us the history that is, of course, not even real history, that nobody in the Niak region itself knows, if we're to listen to what you've said.
Crystals are also overused in fiction, specifically fantasy, much to my disdain, and the ignorant humans and god-type characters who basically ragequit when they're forgotten are kind of overused as well. I mean, bringing chaos about because you got forgotten? Sounds like a thirteen year old's break-up revenge plan.
So you've got a fair few words, but you haven't said much.

Originally Posted by KingCharizard

Features:[LIST][*]

New characters & storyline

(good. Some evidence of this storyline would be nice)[*]

4 new Pokémon

(four? That means that in a dex of, what, 200 or so, you're giving us four pokémon, and they're only legendaries)[*]

New abilities, moves and items

(this isn't really a feature unless the abilities are for more pokémon than just those legendaries. This isn't really a feature unless the moves are for more pokémon than just those legendaries. And this isn't really a feature unless the items are more than just the "crystals". So what I need to ask is who these abilities and moves are for if you're only bringing four pokémon to the table)[*]

Two new, more passionately evil teams

(I don't see where these evil teams might fit into the mythos of the world. I could see one team coming in to try and harness the chaos, but I don't see any other potential, given that you haven't given us any sort of storyline)[*]

New Gym Leaders, Elite Four and Champion

(right, but they're going to be using old pokémon)

And that's about it for my review. You've got some potential here, but you also have a lot of what we've already seen. You're bringing close to no fakemon to it, so there's likely no sense of discovery.
You've got a new region, but it's the same backstory as everything else has. "A pokémon created this region because it's just that cool, and then it decided to make some other pokémon that got annoyed at humans later."

I look forward to seeing this grow, if only because I hope you can pull it a lot higher than it seems to be.

[KingCharizard]

Ok, well thanks for that long post, most of which i didnt read. So my grammar is shotty? No one is trying to past a test, write a paper or win any grammar awards. And its still early in development, and the region name will change I just haven't found a name yet. I also said 4 new because i dont have spriting skills, i havent even sketched the pokemon and I dont want a whole fakedex.

[Luke]

Okay, the staff as a whole is tired of your attitude in general. You don't deserve to have your own thread for your game if you can't take legitimate grammar/story advice WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS FORUM. So I'm just closing this. Don't bother reposting because Cilerba and I won't approve a new thread for you.

You should get an infraction for that post but I think closing your thread is a worse punishment.

I won't reopen this unless everyone you've insulted over the last few weeks gets an apology. So get on that!