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Old February 3rd, 2011 (12:50 AM). Edited February 9th, 2011 by bobandbill.
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An Ace Attorney fic, if the title didn't give it away! Anyways, there was a fundraising writing challenge over on livejournal - general gist was you put yourself up for writing at a rate (e.g. $1 = 100 words), people bidded and the winner got to choose the fandom/etc, and the money went to the Queensland flood relief appeal, so 'twas a good cause!

A person called timedrift was my winner and wanted an AA fic, so here it is. Minimum word count was 700 words, this being 900+. Felt like posting it on other places.

Credit to An-chan for the title and proof-reading it!





Turnabout Assumptions





The judge hammered his gavel to quieten the audience, the sound reverberating around the room and gradually grabbing the attention of each person present. All looked at the elderly man except for Pearl, the small, dainty child opting instead to stare at the back of Phoenix’s head in silent anger.

You should be ashamed of yourself! she thought angrily.

“The court is back in session to continue the case, in which one Mr. Phillar Caractor has accused Mr. Gil Tee of stealing his gorilla costume and attempting to rob the bank under his identity, while injuring two members of the police force with a novelty-sized spoon.”

Why would you not give more attention to Mystic Maya!?

“It was for the good of the nation! I regret nothing!” shouted the defendant from his position in the defendant’s chair. Phoenix Wright, his defence lawyer, motioned to his client to keep quiet before sighing to himself, scratching his chin in annoyance as he gazed at his notes. He only took on cases when he believed the defendant was not guilty, but it seemed every new case was getting either harder to solve or stupider in nature than the previous, and this seemed to be a combination of the two.

“Pearl, could you stop staring at me, please?” he pleaded to the young girl who stood beside him as he tried to ignore her piercing eyes. Instead he focused his attention on his well-known opponent in Miles Edgeworth, dressed up as usual in his ridiculously extravagant outfit. His request went ignored – the medium-in-training was too intent in making her feelings known. Sighing once again, he decided to talk to her again after the trial and tried to focus his mind on the task at hand as the cross-examination recommenced – overcoming his opponent in the old battle of wits and logic to prove his defendant’s innocence.

I’ll never forgive him! Pearl thought, tugging at her necklace in frustration at the man. He should treat Mystic Maya with far more respect! she continued to herself, as she lightly kicked Phoenix in the shin for good measure during the trial proceedings. She mulled yesterday’s events to herself as she ignored his grimace of pain. The judge mistook his reaction as an expression of boredom and threatened to throw his gravel at him, while Edgeworth smirked at the unfortunate lawyer.

All she wanted was to go out to the burger joint, and yet he refused! What kind of man is he to reject her request! I’ll never talk to him again!

“Hmm, where did I put that piece of evidence...?” the lawyer suddenly murmured, searching his pockets.

“Oh, maybe it’s this!” Pearl said as she handed him a large trout. She was unsure why Phoenix had insisted that it was evidence, but he had seemed pretty adamant about it the day before.

“Thank you,” Phoenix replied, before slapping the counter with it loudly and then pointing the large fish at his opposition.

“OBJECTION!” he cried loudly. However, all Phoenix managed to do was lose his grip on the animal, the trout flying through the air and hitting Edgeworth right in the face.

Pearl grinned to herself. She never really understood the way the courtroom worked, but she knew that if the crowd shouted loudly after Phoenix did something it usually meant he did that something well. She grinned, before mentally slapping herself. So much for not talking to him!

The nine-year-old girl continued to muse to herself as Phoenix hurried over to make sure Edgeworth wasn’t badly hurt. But maybe...maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Phoenix isn’t Maya’s ‘special someone’...after all, they both insist on denying that! That, and I never see any Psych Locks when they do so...

“Sorry, Edgeworth, I didn’t mean to throw that...” Phoenix mumbled, feeling himself glow red with embarrassment.

“Mr Wright, I will not tolerate the throwing of evidence in my courtroom! Maybe Godot and his cups of coffee were allowed, I’ll admit, but I draw the line at trout!” the judge shouted, banging his gravel loudly. “I hate fish,” he added with a stern frown.

He doesn’t ever stare at her like real lovers should! But if so, then who does he like? All adults should like someone!

“Great, this suit is ruined forever now!” Edgeworth lamented as Phoenix tried to remove the fish, only for it to flop out of his hands and on top of Edgeworth’s head.

“Why is it still ALIVE!?”

“GET IT OFF!”

But wait... Pearl thought, looking across the courtroom now. I do know he always stares at him in court! And he’s always talking about him after the trials! And his cheeks... red!

“AHA!” Pearl shouted suddenly, grinning at the commotion around the prosecutor’s bench. All shouting ceased as everyone looked at the little girl who made her way to the middle of the room.

“It’s okay, I understand now why you’re not in love with Mystic Maya,” she said, petting Phoenix on the head before winking at Edgeworth. “He’s pretty cute!” Bemused, they watched her prance out of the courtroom singing happily to herself.

“Did she...” Phoenix began eventually as he face-palmed himself, breaking the silence of the courtroom.

“Can my day get any worse?” Edgeworth moaned. He glanced down at the notes on his desk which were now strongly reeking of fish and noticed who the next witness was going to be. “Yes, Oldbag to boot, I should have known...”

“Order! Order!” shouted the judge in vain to Pearl. “I demand answers! Are you the guilty one!?” His shouting had no effect though – she had already exited the room.

Besides, now that she thought about it, she had to go and find Gumshoe to tell him he had competition.






Spoiler:
BTW the prompt was: 'I'm thinking something along the lines of Pearl slowly realising, during a trial, that Phoenix is gay with Edgeworth. Or something along those lines.' I am not a shipper myself and especially not of those two personally, but hey! Also first non-Pokemon/original story I have done, huh.
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Old February 3rd, 2011 (01:49 AM).
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hehe, that was a nice piece

the ending made me laugh... and also the fish
though it wasn't what i would have expected considering i thought you would have concentrated more on the case at hand. But nonetheless it was well written and funny :D

...and obviously, with all your writing, it was pretty much perfect



..i kinda like gifs more than smilies now
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Old February 3rd, 2011 (07:14 AM).
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Very nice--felt like a real case in the AA world!

The fish bit was too funny, and you've captured Phoenix's and Pearl's repartee perfectly!

I'm curious how the case turned out....
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Old February 3rd, 2011 (07:40 AM).
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The Thunderstorm: Sgt Shock's Reviews

I must say. This story really made me smile when I saw it today. I had to read it and review almost instantly. I’m an avid fan of Phoenix Wright like no one could possibly imagine. I’ve always wanted to do a Phoenix Wright Fan Fiction but I just lack the ambition needed to get through it. At any rate, let m give some good thoughts and some thoughts from improvement that I have about the piece. This is from crazy Phoenix Wright fan so…I might pick up on some things that might be inhumanly possibly for a normal person . My apologies.

I think you did really well conveying Phoenix’s character as well as motions. I could definitely see him gazing at the paper and scratching his head in annoyance. It’s just fits perfectly. However, I don’t think he could tell Pearl to stop staring at him. Pearl is too cute/determined/amazing….etc….to be told that (if Franziska can’t deny Pearl…no one can. I think that she is the only person that Franziska haven’t whipped. ) With that said, I think that is coming along nicely.

Trout time was hilarious. ;D Poor Edgeworth. They do halfway ship Phoenix and Edgeworth in the game. Personally, I do not like the ship. Neither would Pearl though. But let’s forget that. It’s mostly personal preference there. I ship Edgeworth with someone that’s not even in the game (ha ha ha. That was an inside joke there with a friend. Sorry.) The scene overall is good...perhaps I don’t like Pearls kind of certain acceptance of Maya not being Phoenix’s special person. It’s funny though. I can’t deny that. So I can’t shoot it down all the way.

Funny enough, I thought almost instantly the Phoenix will get penalized for accidentally throwing a trout. Even though Godot threw his coffee cup PURPOSELY, the judge doesn’t like Phoenix like that. That’s beside the point.

Overall, I think I like the story a lot. I can’t find grammatical errors for the life of me. But, in terms of characters, I think that you are spot on. You made Pearl kind of intense though. She is a bit outspoken and blunt but maybe not like that. Last scene was funny. If thing are going bad for Edgeworth, Oldbag is right around the corner to make it worse. I love how Edgeworth didn’t confront Pearl or Phoenix about the whole “Phoenix likes you thing”. I figured he would be kind of blown back as well.

Anyway, I’m done here. I’ve talked enough. :D Good job on the fan fiction.
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Old February 4th, 2011 (06:55 PM).
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Even though I haven't played a Phoenix Wright game, I still had to read this. Mainly because it was written by you, so I knew it would be enjoyable.

I wasn't wrong.

Pearl was hilarious in this. Especially her thinking that all adults should like someone. And the way that she pieced together that Wright "has feelings" for Edgeworth was great.

The case itself had your brand of humor. "Phillar Caractor" and "Gil Tee" with his spoon and gorilla suit had me giggling. The trout flying right across the courtroom (and I'm sure it hit Edgeworth with a nice loud "SLAP!") made me laugh.

This was amazing and a fun little read, even though I'm not familiar with the characters.
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Old February 7th, 2011 (12:43 PM).
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This is coming from yet another person who's never played Phoenix Wright (though I have seen a few meme-laden videos with him in it).

Delightfully absurd and rather clever, this was. More so than that, I'm impressed with how you handled the whole shipping aspect. You say you're not a shipper, and I kind of suspected that, as the whole thing seemed to me more like a parody of shipping in general. There's this (sort of) important trial going on, and it commands Phoenix's attention, but Pearl can't help but view everything he does in the context of his love life. Because he just has to like someone, of course!

Grammar and mechanics are all polished to a shine, as expected. It was tough, but I think I found one grammatical mistake. Maybe.

Quote:
Well this is a first, he berated himself.
I could be wrong, but I think you want a comma after 'Well.' As in, "Great, this suit is ruined forever now!" and "But if so, then who does he like?" Not sure if that's a legitimate error, but you can't blame me for trying.

In a nutshell, nice job! Accessible to non-players, and funny to boot!
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Old February 7th, 2011 (06:15 PM).
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Okay, I just have to read how you handle a non-Pokemon fic.

Have to say, I really enjoyed this a lot. :D Like a few reviewers, haven't played the Ace Attorney games, but I'm familiar with a few canon stuff from reading walkthroughs and watching some videos, haha. Pearl is quite adorable there and love her shipping theories. I too thought this is more of a parody of shipping, and I love those kind of stories (not really a shipper myself saved for maybe a couple from Pokemon and a couple from one other fandom, oi). XD

I also got a kick out of the trout scene. So ridiculous in a courtroom setting. XD Love it.

There is only one thing I want to point out:

Quote:
“Sorry, Edgy, I didn’t mean to throw that...” Phoenix mumbled, feeling himself glow red with embarrassment. Well this is a first, he berated himself.
Hm, maybe this is just me, but I feel Phoneix's thoughts in this is slightly misplaced, considering like ninety-nine percent of the fic is in Pearl's point of view. XD I think taking out the italicized part or mentioning Pearl not noticing Phoenix's trout trouble should be fine.

Overall, quite a funny work there. I so need to get my lazy butt off and get one of the games. XD
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Old February 7th, 2011 (07:20 PM).
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Yay for lots of reviews! ._. Thanks, all - much appreciated.
Quote originally posted by Impo:
hehe, that was a nice piece

the ending made me laugh... and also the fish
though it wasn't what i would have expected considering i thought you would have concentrated more on the case at hand. But nonetheless it was well written and funny :D

...and obviously, with all your writing, it was pretty much perfect

*gifhere*

..i kinda like gifs more than smilies now
I suppose the prompt I got was only more for the assumption by Pearl as opposed to the trial. But certainly it would be fun to write out such a trial. XD And hurrah for a gif as well!
Quote originally posted by EmeraldSky:
Very nice--felt like a real case in the AA world!

The fish bit was too funny, and you've captured Phoenix's and Pearl's repartee perfectly!

I'm curious how the case turned out....
That's neat to know - I tried to make it feel in place for AA despite the trout and whatnot. XD And hurrah for getting their characters right as well in your opinion. =)

The case would obviously have resulted in a murder being revealed I suppose. ;D
Quote originally posted by Sgt Shock:
The Thunderstorm: Sgt Shock's Reviews

I must say. This story really made me smile when I saw it today. I had to read it and review almost instantly. I’m an avid fan of Phoenix Wright like no one could possibly imagine. I’ve always wanted to do a Phoenix Wright Fan Fiction but I just lack the ambition needed to get through it. At any rate, let m give some good thoughts and some thoughts from improvement that I have about the piece. This is from crazy Phoenix Wright fan so…I might pick up on some things that might be inhumanly possibly for a normal person . My apologies.
Hurrah for a PW fan. =D
Quote:
I think you did really well conveying Phoenix’s character as well as motions. I could definitely see him gazing at the paper and scratching his head in annoyance. It’s just fits perfectly. However, I don’t think he could tell Pearl to stop staring at him. Pearl is too cute/determined/amazing….etc….to be told that (if Franziska can’t deny Pearl…no one can. I think that she is the only person that Franziska haven’t whipped. ) With that said, I think that is coming along nicely.
That's good to know - I did try to imagine how Phoenix would act in the courtroom after all, heh. And certainly Pearl's stare of anti-Franziska is a valid point, but no hrm in Phoenix trying I guess? XD
Quote:
Trout time was hilarious. ;D Poor Edgeworth. They do halfway ship Phoenix and Edgeworth in the game. Personally, I do not like the ship. Neither would Pearl though. But let’s forget that. It’s mostly personal preference there. I ship Edgeworth with someone that’s not even in the game (ha ha ha. That was an inside joke there with a friend. Sorry.) The scene overall is good...perhaps I don’t like Pearls kind of certain acceptance of Maya not being Phoenix’s special person. It’s funny though. I can’t deny that. So I can’t shoot it down all the way.
I don't support the ship either, and I suppose AA gives a lot in the way of fanservice potential for people who ship a number of the characters... *shrugs* 'Twas the request at any rate, so. =p

I suppose Pearl accepting that Maya and Phoenix aren't together is a bit out of character for her within the games itself (unofficially this is set after the 3rd/Investigation games btw) but I felt that after enough protesting from the two about it she might eventually wise up a bit.. just not fully. That and I felt it was an interesting piece of canon to include in the story to justify her assumption in the first place.
Quote:
Funny enough, I thought almost instantly the Phoenix will get penalized for accidentally throwing a trout. Even though Godot threw his coffee cup PURPOSELY, the judge doesn’t like Phoenix like that. That’s beside the point.
Yeah, I felt that would have been typical of the judge when I wrote the trout throw bit. XD
Quote:
Overall, I think I like the story a lot. I can’t find grammatical errors for the life of me. But, in terms of characters, I think that you are spot on. You made Pearl kind of intense though. She is a bit outspoken and blunt but maybe not like that. Last scene was funny. If thing are going bad for Edgeworth, Oldbag is right around the corner to make it worse. I love how Edgeworth didn’t confront Pearl or Phoenix about the whole “Phoenix likes you thing”. I figured he would be kind of blown back as well.

Anyway, I’m done here. I’ve talked enough. :D Good job on the fan fiction.
Pearl I felt often got worked up about small things in the game at times (especially when Pheonix does something 'wrong' by Maya in her opinion, heh), hence her being a bit 'intense' in my portrayal of her, but I'll consider that comment nonetheless. Hurrah for the others having no issue though.

Cheers for the review - nice to know an in-depth opinion by an AA fan and all. =)
Quote originally posted by Astinus:
Even though I haven't played a Phoenix Wright game, I still had to read this. Mainly because it was written by you, so I knew it would be enjoyable.

I wasn't wrong.
Aww, how nice of you. XD
Quote:
Pearl was hilarious in this. Especially her thinking that all adults should like someone. And the way that she pieced together that Wright "has feelings" for Edgeworth was great.

The case itself had your brand of humor. "Phillar Caractor" and "Gil Tee" with his spoon and gorilla suit had me giggling. The trout flying right across the courtroom (and I'm sure it hit Edgeworth with a nice loud "SLAP!") made me laugh.

This was amazing and a fun little read, even though I'm not familiar with the characters.
Truth be told Phillar Caractor has not made his first appearence here in fact. ;D And yes, I suppose the SLAP sound would have been there as well. XD Glad you enjoyed despite not knowing the characters, and cheers for the rview, Astinus. =D
Quote originally posted by icomeanon6:
This is coming from yet another person who's never played Phoenix Wright (though I have seen a few meme-laden videos with him in it).
More people need to play AA games. *nods*
Quote:
Delightfully absurd and rather clever, this was. More so than that, I'm impressed with how you handled the whole shipping aspect. You say you're not a shipper, and I kind of suspected that, as the whole thing seemed to me more like a parody of shipping in general. There's this (sort of) important trial going on, and it commands Phoenix's attention, but Pearl can't help but view everything he does in the context of his love life. Because he just has to like someone, of course!
I suppose that is true, the parody-aspect of shipping in general - I didn't particularly notice that too much when writing although I wasn't planning on any actual shipping scenes myself after all.
Quote:
Grammar and mechanics are all polished to a shine, as expected. It was tough, but I think I found one grammatical mistake. Maybe.

I could be wrong, but I think you want a comma after 'Well.' As in, "Great, this suit is ruined forever now!" and "But if so, then who does he like?" Not sure if that's a legitimate error, but you can't blame me for trying.
Hmm, I imagined him saying it in one go rather than having a pause in his speech there, but I can see how you can read it with one as well. I might have to consider that or just reword to avoid any ambiguity there.
Quote:
In a nutshell, nice job! Accessible to non-players, and funny to boot!
Hurrah for it not relying much on having played the game or not. =D Cheers for the review as well. =)
Quote originally posted by Bay Alexison:
Okay, I just have to read how you handle a non-Pokemon fic.
Is it that unusual for me? =p
Quote:
Have to say, I really enjoyed this a lot. :D Like a few reviewers, haven't played the Ace Attorney games, but I'm familiar with a few canon stuff from reading walkthroughs and watching some videos, haha. Pearl is quite adorable there and love her shipping theories. I too thought this is more of a parody of shipping, and I love those kind of stories (not really a shipper myself saved for maybe a couple from Pokemon and a couple from one other fandom, oi). XD
Yes, we are not the greatest sippers, but I suppose I'm even less of one than you. XD
Quote:
I also got a kick out of the trout scene. So ridiculous in a courtroom setting. XD Love it.
Somhow this mightn't be too strange for an AA courtroom however, as weird as it might be, which is why I went for it. XD
Quote:
There is only one thing I want to point out:


Hm, maybe this is just me, but I feel Phoneix's thoughts in this is slightly misplaced, considering like ninety-nine percent of the fic is in Pearl's point of view. XD I think taking out the italicized part or mentioning Pearl not noticing Phoenix's trout trouble should be fine.
I shall consider than and probably change it methinks - it was a bit of a problem I had with the beginning of the story as well before I edited a bit.
Quote:
Overall, quite a funny work there. I so need to get my lazy butt off and get one of the games. XD
Cheers for the review again, Bay! And in regards to the last sentence - damn straight! =p (I suggest going in order and getting the first one btw, they are plot-driven games).
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Old February 8th, 2011 (09:16 PM).
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So, I decided to sit down and check out your fic because, let's face it. I'm too lazy to catch up with Retelling fully aware that you're capable of pretty snazzy humor. And as someone who actually is familiar with the Phoenix Wright fandom (although by that, I mean "I have played the first game and listened to my other friends fangirl over it like whoa"), I thought it'd be cool to check out some PW fic, particularly because I haven't read any for months.

And man, I wasn't disappointed.

While I'm getting my thoughts in order, these are the notes that I decided to put down while I was reading.

1. First off, Phillar Caractor. You got me within the first couple of lines. Sure, it's slightly corny humor, but what's amazing about it is that it's perfect for Phoenix Wright's universe, given how ridiculous and punny the names are anyway. Of course, a lot of fans recognize that it is, but a lot of the writers I've seen in this fandom? Seemed to be incapable of understanding what the word "pun" means. This, meanwhile, gets it. Not only is it a pun, but it's also a jab at the character himself. In short, it's actually a little funny to read, not just a name that's also a play on words. Same exact thing with Gil Tee as well.

2. ...Scratching his spiky hair?

3. I feel like the dialogue tag after Phoenix asks Pearl to stop staring at him is a bit wordy. (Also, you don't need the first comma.) It goes from being a dialogue tag to talking about what Phoenix is doing to talking about what Edgeworth is doing. So, it ends up being a bit of a mouthful that you could probably split up into multiple sentences.

4. It seems like there's a number of sentences like these, so my advice is to read your story aloud while proofreading. Sometimes, you can spot where you're going on for awhile just by listening to the sound of each sentence. If it's going on for a bit or sounds awkward, chances are, it's either. I thought at first that you might be doing this for comedic effect, but you'll also want to be careful if that's the case. Doing this too often might cause you to have a slippery hold on the reader's attention, if that makes sense.

5. However, I do have to say I appreciate the courtroom shenanigans. Especially Edgeworth getting a trout in the face. He just needs that daily, in my opinion.

6. And the fish is still alive. That's wonderful.

Marcin, I'll say this. You've got a talent for content, plain and simple. The contrast between Pearl's serious business analysis (which was completely in-character, as far as I can tell – bonus points for you) and the antics going around her was a very nice touch. It almost reminded me of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei in that, like every scene in that anime, this one seemed even funnier because of how ordinary and casual Pearl's train of thoughts seemed to be compared to the over-the-top ridiculousness going on around her.

The ridiculousness itself was extremely entertaining, too. The fish slap, the fish still being alive (defying all forms of logic in the process), Edgeworth and Phoenix's reactions to being paired up by Pearl... it was actually completely funny from start to finish. All it probably needs is a bit of polishing considering the third and fourth points I brought up (and maybe the second nitpick) in my little list up there, but other than that, this was definitely an enjoyable little read.
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Old February 9th, 2011 (02:00 AM).
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Oh, this is great. I thought "Phoenix Wright, bobandbill, what could go wrong?".

Nothing. Your writing is superb as usual (although this delightfully stupid piece of work feels somewhat like the valentine's fic I wrote last year... :D).

It's great. Short, simple and great. Just like all your writing; it's great.

although i have to add, Nick has never called Edgeworth "edgy", and I honestly doubt he would even if he did have feelings. That was quite weird, actually, and felt kinda out of character.
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Old February 9th, 2011 (11:36 PM).
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I was kinda wary about reading this at first, not because I had any doubts about your writing, but because I've not participated in this fandom at all. XD

As it turns out, and like a lot of people who posted before me apparently, I didn't really need to understand the fandom to find this scenario pretty funny. I think it would have helped a lot more if I did know the fandom, but the general concept of a younger child finding two men gay for each other because they always 'talk' and 'stare' at each other is just funny by itself.

I'll admit I didn't quite 'get' your names 'Mr. Gil Tee' or 'Phillar Caractor' until I read Jax's post and re-read the first paragraph. I now suddenly feel like the loser kid in the corner who didn't get the joke until someone explained it to her. I'll resign to wearing my dunce hat for the week now. >.>

Also. Ew, fish.

Ew, live fish.

Ick.
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Old February 12th, 2011 (02:08 AM).
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Yay for more reviews! Very flattering reviews I might add. ._.
Quote originally posted by JX Valentine:
So, I decided to sit down and check out your fic because, let's face it. I'm too lazy to catch up with Retelling fully aware that you're capable of pretty snazzy humor.
To be fair I'm also lazy. XD (Although I do wonder how far you got with Retelling now =p).
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And as someone who actually is familiar with the Phoenix Wright fandom (although by that, I mean "I have played the first game and listened to my other friends fangirl over it like whoa", I thought it'd be cool to check out some PW fic, particularly because I haven't read any for months.

And man, I wasn't disappointed.
\o/
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While I'm getting my thoughts in order, these are the notes that I decided to put down while I was reading.

1. First off, Phillar Caractor. You got me within the first couple of lines. Sure, it's slightly corny humor, but what's amazing about it is that it's perfect for Phoenix Wright's universe, given how ridiculous and punny the names are anyway. Of course, a lot of fans recognize that it is, but a lot of the writers I've seen in this fandom? Seemed to be incapable of understanding what the word "pun" means. This, meanwhile, gets it. Not only is it a pun, but it's also a jab at the character himself. In short, it's actually a little funny to read, not just a name that's also a play on words. Same exact thing with Gil Tee as well.
Sometimes a punny joke will amuse no matter what, I find. XD They certainly did seem to fit the PW world though, you're right. (Truth be told I have not read any other PW fics though so I wouldn't know about other writers in that fandom... >_< Might need to investigate!).
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2. ...Scratching his spiky hair?
Yeah, the risk of Phoenix ruining the spike is too great actually on second thoughts. D= Changed that to him scratching his chin (a sprite even shows him doing the such so... canon? XD)
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3. I feel like the dialogue tag after Phoenix asks Pearl to stop staring at him is a bit wordy. (Also, you don't need the first comma.) It goes from being a dialogue tag to talking about what Phoenix is doing to talking about what Edgeworth is doing. So, it ends up being a bit of a mouthful that you could probably split up into multiple sentences.

4. It seems like there's a number of sentences like these, so my advice is to read your story aloud while proofreading. Sometimes, you can spot where you're going on for awhile just by listening to the sound of each sentence. If it's going on for a bit or sounds awkward, chances are, it's either. I thought at first that you might be doing this for comedic effect, but you'll also want to be careful if that's the case. Doing this too often might cause you to have a slippery hold on the reader's attention, if that makes sense.
Hmm, fair point - it actually is probably a thing I do on purpose at times but I see what you mean there in it possibly getting too wordy for its own good.
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5. However, I do have to say I appreciate the courtroom shenanigans. Especially Edgeworth getting a trout in the face. He just needs that daily, in my opinion.
I agree. XD
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6. And the fish is still alive. That's wonderful.
*bows*
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Marcin, I'll say this. You've got a talent for content, plain and simple. The contrast between Pearl's serious business analysis (which was completely in-character, as far as I can tell – bonus points for you) and the antics going around her was a very nice touch. It almost reminded me of Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei in that, like every scene in that anime, this one seemed even funnier because of how ordinary and casual Pearl's train of thoughts seemed to be compared to the over-the-top ridiculousness going on around her.
Heh, thanks. =) I tend to go for mixing seriousness with comedy often - reminds me when a friend made a comment that the comedy was too spaced out in one of my main fic's chapters ages back, and after trying to keep the comedy going it seemed to work out better. (I'm afraid I am unaware of that anime however.)
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The ridiculousness itself was extremely entertaining, too. The fish slap, the fish still being alive (defying all forms of logic in the process), Edgeworth and Phoenix's reactions to being paired up by Pearl... it was actually completely funny from start to finish. All it probably needs is a bit of polishing considering the third and fourth points I brought up (and maybe the second nitpick) in my little list up there, but other than that, this was definitely an enjoyable little read.
Glad you enjoyed it! I've given it a bit of editing as well so hopefully it's a bit better off on points 3 and 4 now too. Cheers for the review! =)
Quote originally posted by Ninja Caterpie:
Oh, this is great. I thought "Phoenix Wright, bobandbill, what could go wrong?&quot;.

Nothing. Your writing is superb as usual (although this delightfully stupid piece of work feels somewhat like the valentine's fic I wrote last year... :D).

It's great. Short, simple and great. Just like all your writing; it's great.

although i have to add, Nick has never called Edgeworth "edgy", and I honestly doubt he would even if he did have feelings. That was quite weird, actually, and felt kinda out of character.
Heh, thanks, and good to know you like all of my other writings too. =) Fair call on 'edgy' as well - I guess I was thinking too much about that nick of his at the time or something. Changed that as well. As a beside, I doubt he would call him that if he happened to, uh, have feelings for him as well, which I also personally doubt. =p
Quote originally posted by Azurne:
I was kinda wary about reading this at first, not because I had any doubts about your writing, but because I've not participated in this fandom at all. XD

As it turns out, and like a lot of people who posted before me apparently, I didn't really need to understand the fandom to find this scenario pretty funny. I think it would have helped a lot more if I did know the fandom, but the general concept of a younger child finding two men gay for each other because they always 'talk' and 'stare' at each other is just funny by itself.
Yes, I suppose a few jokes in there would been funny for you if you did know the fandom (particularly mentions on Oldbag and the last line) but I tried to make it so it didn't rely too much on having to know the fandom - so I'm glad it was enjoyable for you as well. =)
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I'll admit I didn't quite 'get' your names 'Mr. Gil Tee' or 'Phillar Caractor' until I read Jax's post and re-read the first paragraph. I now suddenly feel like the loser kid in the corner who didn't get the joke until someone explained it to her. I'll resign to wearing my dunce hat for the week now. >.>
To be fair I'm sure all of us have our herp-derp moments now and then. =p
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Also. Ew, fish.

Ew, live fish.

Ick.
And now you know how Edgeworth feels like. =p Cheers for the review!
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