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  #1    
Old April 24th, 2011, 08:05 AM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious

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Thanks for elaynii to give me the logo..
The legend of Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina is beginning..
Introduction
Finally!

After four grueling years, you -being either Dawn or Lucas- are going to graduate high school! The excitement is in the air as your mother and all of your new friends achieve most prominent things you've ever done. Well, aside from stopping a deranged man from destroying the world in order to create a new, pure one.. graduating high school is pretty close though! As the principle calls your name, you feel your heart thudding in your chest as your make your way up to the stage. As that simple, yet unimaginably important piece of paper is laid into your hands, you can hear the crowd, along with your friends going wild!

The ceremony is over, and now, all of the thrills of high school are as well. Now, all there is to do is go home and find a job. Right then and there, you decide that you are definitely not going to work. There's got to be something else you could do! You could always hand around the house, right? Wrong. Your mother would probably urge you to go out and get a job. As you lay in bed, deciding what to do, you hear a small purr. It was your mother's Glameow. At that moment, you knew what you had to do. Sinnoh wasn't the only region out there, right? There was Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Unova.. There had to be somewhere else! Wait, there is that newly discovered region of Ueno! That is where you will be going to Ueno to become a Pokémon Trainer once more and make some new friends and allies along with some new Pokémon!
Story
As you enter the new new region of Ueno, you will see many familier faces...
Team Plasma, now have a new boss, N, a crazed worshipper, of Giratina, who is determined, to put the world under his feet.
As he try's to perfect his new super weapon, the only way, which is to summon Arceus and absorb his powers, he releases an army of mutant Pokemon upon Ueno, to stall the military.
Then he sets out to the other regions and starts killing gym leaders. After awhile, he comes back, having been spoken to by Giratina, he is determined to capture you, for you hold the key to Ueno's fate.
In the end you will have to choose, will you join Team Plasma, and be a ruler of the world, or will you fight and resist, the choice is yours.
Screenies
Spoiler:














[CENTER]Credits
Poccil ~ Pokemon Essentials
venom12 ~ Pokemon Essentials DS & OWs
Neo-Spriteman ~ New BW Tiles
Neo-Spriteman ~ Resized Tiles and Trainer Sprites
~~~~~Pkmn essentials DS credits~~~~~
Luka ~ VS Seq. and mouse model and etc...
Cybersam and Astro ~ Mouse model
CNG ~ Battle moves select menu
Help14 ~ Pokedex
Wichu ~ Sprites
FL. ~ Eggs Change and Unova Pokemon
~~~~~Help with Neo-Spriteman~~~~~
Dewitty, Kymontian, Calis Project, Bulbapedia.net ~ Help
Dewitty, Bulbapedia.Bulbagarden.net, Nintendo, Chocosrawloid, Kymotonian, milomilotic11, and Neo-Spriteman ~ Pokemon BW Trainers
~~~~~Inner Tiles~~~~~
Thurpok ~ Inner tiles Lost to credit Thurpok cuz i lost his name.
-----Other-----
tebited15 from deviantart ~ Lucas' sprite! (He said no need for credit..)
Team
Me ~ Everything
None ~ Mapper (HIGHEST NEED) 3 places
None ~ Scripter (HIGHEST NEED) 3 places
Me ~ Spriter (HIGHEST NEED) 2 places
Me ~ Beta Tester 0 places
Elaynni ~ Introduction and Logo, hope you like them!
Flamemaster ~ Story
Support Bar:

HTML Code:
[url=http://www.pokecommunity.com/showthread.php?p=6602030#post6602030][img]http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/1720/ubd9282.png[/img][/url]
Pokemon Shiny Diamond: Playing means fun!

Here, visit this link to see new features!
http://pokemonshinydiamond.wordpress.com

Features
Archivements
iPhone instead of Pokegear
New Region
VS sequences
BW Tiles
A bridge that connects between Ueno and Miho regions

------------
Archivements
Name: Poke-Kick
HowToGet: Kick a Caterpie at Sunring Town
Prize: Potion

Name: Gimmie-A-Gift!
HowToGet: Get a Ditto from the Mystery gift man at Bigcorn's Pokecenter
Prize: Tiny Mushroom

Name: xD
HowToGet: Answer Vinertion's Man that ask questions all wrong
Prize: RageCandyBar and Galactic Key

Name: Eevee
HowToGet: Get back the Stolen Eevee from Team Plasma
Prize: All Eevee evolutions
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Last edited by TheMarkCrafter; June 4th, 2011 at 11:43 PM.
  #2    
Old April 24th, 2011, 11:00 AM
clacla$$$
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the 2nd gen starters for sure!
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  #3    
Old April 24th, 2011, 11:21 AM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious
Tell me, is my story okay now or still boring?
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  #4    
Old April 24th, 2011, 12:10 PM
lx_theo's Avatar
lx_theo
Game Developer
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Male
Nature: Careful
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingSnivy View Post
Tell me, is my story okay now or still boring?
Very boring. Its basically what you had before condensed into a few sentences.

Also, you credit them for their tiles, not their help unless they specifically told you how to do things.

And use image tags, please
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  #5    
Old April 24th, 2011, 05:27 PM
ProdigyX's Avatar
ProdigyX
Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Australia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
WTh, your other thread was closed, because of not given the right credits... so you go make another one?

Atleast this time you have the right credits.
Although bit a of a improvement... with the tiles.. but mapping and grammar still need a massive improvement...

Your mapping style is very weird, try copy the style Nintendo, GAMEFREAK use..

Last edited by ProdigyX; April 24th, 2011 at 05:41 PM.
  #6    
Old April 24th, 2011, 07:11 PM
Neo-Spriteman's Avatar
Neo-Spriteman
or goloog. that works too.
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: MD
Age: 16
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At least you gave credits now. Your maps look awkward and too spacious. The houses in games aren't that big. I suggest looking at some mapping tutorials, or hire a new mapper. Capitalization, grammar, and spelling are my main pet peeves. Fix those things and your game looks decent graphic-wise.

As for your story,
Code:
One day, you have finished the High School. Good for you. What about it? 
and decided to go to an another adventure to an another region that is called Ueno. You've gone on previous adventures? Was this where the high school was?
and Team Galactic decided to stop Lucas and Dawn to protect the regionsLolwut? Where'd Lucas and Dawn come from?.
Will you defeat Team Galactic and save Ueno?What are their plans?
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  #7    
Old April 24th, 2011, 08:47 PM
Yagerbomb's Avatar
Yagerbomb
←Apple Jack
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Magical Land of Cheeseburgers and Liquor
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
Here is my opinion:

Your plot doesn't sound interesting. I agree with the others by saying your maps are too wide open. I suggest condensing your maps and either A) Add depth to your current plot( You have a starting point but you need to make it interesting)
B) Create a new and more interesting Plot or C) Recruit someone else to write a plot for you.

The Yagerbomb has been dropped.
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  #8    
Old April 24th, 2011, 11:02 PM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious

The 2nd leader, Drake, a Water Type!
Attached Thumbnails
Drake.png‎  
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  #9    
Old April 24th, 2011, 11:05 PM
ProdigyX's Avatar
ProdigyX
Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Australia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingSnivy View Post

The 2nd leader, Drake!
Do you take any thought about other peoples post to improve your much need improvement game?
  #10    
Old April 24th, 2011, 11:06 PM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious
Here's the trainer maker i used:
<object width="450" height="386"><param name="movie" value="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" /><param name="flashvars" value="id=75399413&width=1337" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://backend.deviantart.com/embed/view.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="450" flashvars="id=75399413&width=1337" height="386" allowscriptaccess="always"></embed></object><br /><a href="http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/75399413/">Pokemon Trainer Creator</a> by ~<a class="u" href="http://magicalgirlyossy.deviantart.com/">MagicalGirlYossy</a> on <a href="http://www.deviantart.com">deviant</a><a href="http://www.deviantart.com">ART</a>


Here's the trainer maker i used:
http://www.deviantart.com/download/7...lGirlYossy.swf
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Last edited by TheMarkCrafter; April 24th, 2011 at 11:07 PM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #11    
Old April 25th, 2011, 12:20 AM
xCalierz's Avatar
xCalierz
Don't look, it kills the irony
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The place England dumped their convicts
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Naive
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProdigyX View Post
Do you take any thought about other peoples post to improve your much need improvement game?
It would seem not...

So I'm going to make a comment that's going to be wholly ignored, but what do I care.
The story is dull, boring and in no way make any sense, whatsoever.
PLEASE read these comments and improve, because it seems like you might have some ideas, but you're not presenting them.
  #12    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:02 AM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious
@lx theo
@ProdigyX
@xCalierz

I updated the story. What do you think guys?


Oh my! I forgot the Features!
New Region
New Attacks
Some Fakemon
Meet Trainers, Leadera, and Elite 4 from the other 4 regions!
And Progress!
UENO [||||________] 25% Releasing Beta soon!
BETA 1 [||||||||||||||___] 97% Editing things! Download link will be at first post or some posts!
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Last edited by TheMarkCrafter; April 25th, 2011 at 01:08 AM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #13    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:09 AM
xCalierz's Avatar
xCalierz
Don't look, it kills the irony
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The place England dumped their convicts
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Naive
But still, where was the first adventure?
The story has more plot holes than the movie Devil.
  #14    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:16 AM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious
@xCalierz
The first adventure is at Sunring Town.

btw.
carmaniac didn't post here!
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  #15    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:20 AM
xCalierz's Avatar
xCalierz
Don't look, it kills the irony
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The place England dumped their convicts
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Naive
Then what happened there?
explain
  #16    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:26 AM
TheMarkCrafter
Magma.
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Kalos
Gender: Male
Nature: Serious
You get to Mt. Gold and battle team Galactic and they escape. But that's not the last time, it's the first. And you go to an Adventure and go to the Victory Road and you see them the last time. and then they escape, and battle Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, the grunts, and Cyrus and then you see Mark, your rival. The last time. His sprite at my avatar.
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  #17    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:41 AM
xCalierz's Avatar
xCalierz
Don't look, it kills the irony
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The place England dumped their convicts
Age: 19
Gender: Male
Nature: Naive
That's pretty much just splicing different official game stories together.
It still doesn't make much sense.
  #18    
Old April 25th, 2011, 04:09 AM
carmaniac's Avatar
carmaniac
Where the pickle surprise at?
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: England
Age: 19
Nature: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by KingSnivy View Post
@xCalierz
The first adventure is at Sunring Town.

btw.
carmaniac didn't post here!
Cause I was writing a story line for your game until I saw this post so now you can keep the crappy storyline you're running.
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  #19    
Old April 25th, 2011, 12:11 PM
Neo-Spriteman's Avatar
Neo-Spriteman
or goloog. that works too.
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: MD
Age: 16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carmaniac View Post
Cause I was writing a story line for your game until I saw this post so now you can keep the crappy storyline you're running.
A little harsh, bro. He didn't ask you to do it, did he?
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  #20    
Old April 25th, 2011, 12:39 PM
Cilerba
the hearts of lonely people
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Age: 17
Gender: Male
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KingSnivy, the only way you're going to improve your game, is by listening to other people's criticism. They're only trying to help you, and you ignore them.
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  #21    
Old April 25th, 2011, 01:26 PM
DarkDoom3000's Avatar
DarkDoom3000
Super Pokemon Eevee Edition
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Zealand
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Calm
this whole thread is confusing.

storyline is probably less impressive than the official storylines. and that's saying something.

Quote:
One day, you have finished the High School. and decided to go to an another adventure to an another region that is called Ueno. Where you decided to live in Sunring Town. And Team Galactic revenges the 4 regions. Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh. But there is only 1 way to stop them. Is to defeat Cyrus until he gives up. Will you defeat Cyrus and save the 4 regions? w/ Ueno.
You make it sound like this is a sequel to another game (is it?)
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  #22    
Old April 25th, 2011, 05:25 PM
ProdigyX's Avatar
ProdigyX
Trainer
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Australia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
What happended to your post that said you were leaving the PC.. and making your own new pc lol?
  #23    
Old April 25th, 2011, 06:25 PM
lx_theo's Avatar
lx_theo
Game Developer
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Gender: Male
Nature: Careful
Beat Cyrus until he gives up? Lol, thats actually funny. No, its not any better now. A few more sentences that didn't help at all.
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  #24    
Old April 26th, 2011, 09:42 AM
carmaniac's Avatar
carmaniac
Where the pickle surprise at?
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: England
Age: 19
Nature: Relaxed
Quote:
Originally Posted by ProdigyX View Post
What happended to your post that said you were leaving the PC.. and making your own new pc lol?
It got deleted by a mod cause it contained a link to another forum.
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  #25    
Old April 26th, 2011, 03:00 PM
Ęℓαчиıı's Avatar
Ęℓαчиıı
Scolipede
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Allahbamee
Gender: Female
Nature: Adamant
Look, KingSnivy, you truly need to take the advice of those that offer it. They aren't being rude, per se, they're just giving your some constructive criticism; which is vital for a developing game to become successful. I've taken notice that you support my game, Pokémon: Ironed Heart, which I thank you for. Let me ask you this: how do you think it has gotten this far?

It's simple. I have taken the advice and criticism that the other members of this forum have given me to make it a semi-successful game! Now, let me too give you some advice. Just focus on one thing at a time. I can tell you're getting ahead of yourself by adding in features and exciting yourself. While that's all well and good, you haven't put in much thought on the story.

I'll help you all I can. You're eager to make a game, and I like that. First thing is first, I'll try and help you with your story. Send me a private message and we'll see if we can't clean this messy thread of yours up.
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