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  #3726    
Old May 2nd, 2013 (07:41 PM).
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Brynjolf Brynjolf is offline
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@Fenrir That's so awesome! Now you can send him little gifts :)

@Shining Raichu I think that really blows. You really didn't need that kind of disappointment. Trust me, I know how you feel..

I spent an entire 5 months working up the courage to tell my wonderful best friend I liked her, and then told her.

The same day I told her, she'd kiss me on the cheek, hug me, put flowers in my hair, and full on flirt all the time.

Five weeks later and she is STILL leading me on like this.

I asked her what was up and she basically (to sum it all up) said that I am her best friend, she is not interested, but she doesn't want me to feel sad because I'm important to her.

Then why the hell did you lead me on for 5 weeks? Then I cried for a long time and didn't eat for two days. :(

I just wanted to be the person who could make it all better for her, then she gets me all hyped up (kinda like you) and then just dumps this big fat "no" in my face.

:(

None of us are really having a great time are we?
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  #3727    
Old May 2nd, 2013 (07:49 PM).
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Andy I am really sorry that happened to you. :( That feeling that you were this close to having what you have always dreamed off is really painful. But he sounds like he needs to learn that the way he treats someone has consequences. I'm with Scarf, two days without contact is awful. A little conversation would have been nice. :( -internet hugs-
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  #3728    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (01:08 AM).
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I just have to say: all of you are wonderful people. At least far better than anyone I've physically met. And that's saying a lot. Things will work out for all of you guys. You'll see... *hugs everyone in this Rainbow Connecton*
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  #3729    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (05:44 AM). Edited May 3rd, 2013 by Inkblots.
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@Shining Raichu: *hugs* I have a hard time trying to imagine what you're going through, I'll admit that. But maybe I can give you my perspective on it anyway, and hope that it helps?

My first instinct was to think, maybe your roommate doesn't know it's bothering you. Maybe it's actually bothering him too. Yes, he's acting like nothing happened and he's fine with it, but are you going along with the act? It's an awful habit that I have too. I will go to almost any lengths to avoid a fight or emotional/meaningful conversation. If something happens between a friend and I, I avoid them as much as possible for a day or two, then act like it never happened. If they don't bring it up, I don't bring it up. I wish I wasn't that way, but I can't help it. I have faced down an angry 1500-pound stallion, but having a serious conversation with a friend about our relationship terrifies me.

I think you need to tell him how you feel (or write a letter, something), how much he upset you, and that you would just like to know why he made that decision. I know it's a little hypocritical coming from me after what I just said about myself, but there are many times I wish I could've had the courage to do that, which is why that's what I'm telling you to do. Believe me, you don't want to find out months from now that this whole time he's been feeling the same way as you, but never brought it up because he thought you were fine with it.
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  #3730    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (01:26 PM). Edited May 3rd, 2013 by Nakuzami.
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First off, I'll start by saying that I'm sorry about that, Raichu. That does suck, but . . . in the end, it may be for the best, I guess. Who knows, he could change his mind someday.
If not, then at least you can still be friends with him. That's still an incredible thing.

I can't really say the same.
I'm not sure if I want to get into everything . . . I just . . . I don't know. Maybe I'll explain it later when I have an inkling of what's going on.
Let's just say that someone called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my ex-boyfriend, because he's eighteen and I won't even be fifteen for another month. I'm not exactly sure what they said—something about us being a little too affectionate on the street or something—but they implied that we were in a sexual relationship. So now there's a whole bunch of legal crap going on. I just talked to a woman from CPS earlier, and so has my mother and my father and step-mother, and most likely my ex-boyfriend and his family.
Now I'm not allowed to go to my dad's house this weekend. I am permitted to talk to my ex, although I have yet to hear back from him and I highly doubt he'll take the risk. Chances are I won't be able to see him for a while, which sucks on its own, but since summer is starting soon it's so much worse.
If the case remains unfounded, then everything will go back to "normal"—although I hear the case may remain open for sixty days, just in case something new comes up—and if it doesn't . . . then my ex gets arrested, and perhaps my step-mother and father if they get charged for knowing about it and allowing it to go on. This also means that the case will stay on record until I'm 28, my ex will be registered as a sex offender, and there may be a restraining order put between us, meaning I won't be able to see him or even talk to him until I'm seventeen.
It sucks for obvious reasons, and "sucks" is an extreme understatement, but it also sucks because, really . . . he's my only real friend. I would hate to lose him, especially under such circumstances.
I don't know who made the call. It had to be someone who knows him and who knows how old I am, and also knows the name of my step-mother, as she was in the report. One logical person that it could be would be my ex's cousin, who has a crush on me. He's one of the very few people that ever knew about us, and one of the only people that knew that may file a report. My step-sister is really the only other viable person, but considering the way the report was filled out and the fact that she knows better than to do something like that—hopefully—it probably wasn't her. Plus I mentioned my ex's cousin, asking him if he knew anything about it. That was nearly an hour ago, and he never takes that long to respond to anything, really.
I'm going to kill whoever did it, and I'm going to make sure it's painful.

Pfft . . . I guess I lied when I said I wasn't going to give the whole story. I guess I really needed to vent. Kicking the wall earlier wasn't enough. (PS - Kicking the wall is even a bit extreme for me. I always feel like smashing something, but lately I've been able to avoid doing so. Mmmm . . . not anymore. Too much pent-up rage.)
Ah, I hate being a minor. My mind is certainly ready to be seen as more mature in many ways, but in some ways not so much (but who can really truthfully say that every part of their personality has fully matured?). However, that doesn't really matter in legal terms. My mental maturity—or even physical maturity, minus the age—doesn't count. All that matters is that I'm still a "child."

Even without all of this crap, I've been ready to completely break down lately.
I don't know if I can take this.
I'm certainly not as strong as I once believed myself to be, not even a year ago.
If you know me personally, you would know that I'm vehemently against suicide. I'm also against self-harm, but I'd rather someone do that than kill themselves, if that's what it takes.
Lately I've started to question my views on such things. This certainly isn't helping that.

EDIT: Well, my ex's cousin just messaged me back. I'm willing to believe that it wasn't him, but I have no idea who it could be. That alone is bugging me like Hell.
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  #3731    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (03:08 PM).
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Brynjolf Brynjolf is offline
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Quote originally posted by Nakuzami:
First off, I'll start by saying that I'm sorry about that, Raichu. That does suck, but . . . in the end, it may be for the best, I guess. Who knows, he could change his mind someday.
If not, then at least you can still be friends with him. That's still an incredible thing.

I can't really say the same.
I'm not sure if I want to get into everything . . . I just . . . I don't know. Maybe I'll explain it later when I have an inkling of what's going on.
Let's just say that someone called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my ex-boyfriend, because he's eighteen and I won't even be fifteen for another month. I'm not exactly sure what they said—something about us being a little too affectionate on the street or something—but they implied that we were in a sexual relationship. So now there's a whole bunch of legal crap going on. I just talked to a woman from CPS earlier, and so has my mother and my father and step-mother, and most likely my ex-boyfriend and his family.
Now I'm not allowed to go to my dad's house this weekend. I am permitted to talk to my ex, although I have yet to hear back from him and I highly doubt he'll take the risk. Chances are I won't be able to see him for a while, which sucks on its own, but since summer is starting soon it's so much worse.
If the case remains unfounded, then everything will go back to "normal"—although I hear the case may remain open for sixty days, just in case something new comes up—and if it doesn't . . . then my ex gets arrested, and perhaps my step-mother and father if they get charged for knowing about it and allowing it to go on. This also means that the case will stay on record until I'm 28, my ex will be registered as a sex offender, and there may be a restraining order put between us, meaning I won't be able to see him or even talk to him until I'm seventeen.
It sucks for obvious reasons, and "sucks" is an extreme understatement, but it also sucks because, really . . . he's my only real friend. I would hate to lose him, especially under such circumstances.
I don't know who made the call. It had to be someone who knows him and who knows how old I am, and also knows the name of my step-mother, as she was in the report. One logical person that it could be would be my ex's cousin, who has a crush on me. He's one of the very few people that ever knew about us, and one of the only people that knew that may file a report. My step-sister is really the only other viable person, but considering the way the report was filled out and the fact that she knows better than to do something like that—hopefully—it probably wasn't her. Plus I mentioned my ex's cousin, asking him if he knew anything about it. That was nearly an hour ago, and he never takes that long to respond to anything, really.
I'm going to kill whoever did it, and I'm going to make sure it's painful.

Pfft . . . I guess I lied when I said I wasn't going to give the whole story. I guess I really needed to vent. Kicking the wall earlier wasn't enough. (PS - Kicking the wall is even a bit extreme for me. I always feel like smashing something, but lately I've been able to avoid doing so. Mmmm . . . not anymore. Too much pent-up rage.)
Ah, I hate being a minor. My mind is certainly ready to be seen as more mature in many ways, but in some ways not so much (but who can really truthfully say that every part of their personality has fully matured?). However, that doesn't really matter in legal terms. My mental maturity—or even physical maturity, minus the age—doesn't count. All that matters is that I'm still a "child."

Even without all of this crap, I've been ready to completely break down lately.
I don't know if I can take this.
I'm certainly not as strong as I once believed myself to be, not even a year ago.
If you know me personally, you would know that I'm vehemently against suicide. I'm also against self-harm, but I'd rather someone do that than kill themselves, if that's what it takes.
Lately I've started to question my views on such things. This certainly isn't helping that.

EDIT: Well, my ex's cousin just messaged me back. I'm willing to believe that it wasn't him, but I have no idea who it could be. That alone is bugging me like Hell.
That sounds like a huge drag. :( I'm so sorry. I hope everything goes well.

That really sucks that someone even is stupid enough to not let people be in love..
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  #3732    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (03:26 PM). Edited May 24th, 2013 by Phantom.
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@Shining Raichu/Andy, all the hugs in the world. Who knows, maybe in time he'll come to change his mind. Obviously there is interest, but he must have been afraid about losing or ruining your friendship. In time, things might change, or maybe he was doing the right thing. Either way, don't harp on it for too long, you'll either move on or learn to appreciate what he did. You might even be better friends for it.

So, a while ago I left a very vague post. Some were saying to spit it out. I feel like I can now.

So that friend of my mother's got back to me. She understood completely, and was very supportive. I was quite giddy for a bit. At least, that was until we got to the point of things, telling my homophobic parents. She said that of all the people she knew, even her children, my mother was the one she was most scared to come out to. She did, and my mother didn't talk to her for months, and even though they are friends again, she will not let her mention anything about being lesbian.

It was at this point she said, knowing my mom, it would be a lot worse for me. She kept saying my mom 'knows in her heart' the truth, but she won't accept it; complete denial. My mom went to her, saying that I had mentioned being bi, but she was thinking it was 'just a phase'.

A couple weeks ago, right after she and I talked, she was in a car accident, and my mom was with her in the ER. They were talking, and she sort of nudged the conversation in that direction, which was part of our plan to ease into things and try to figure out the best way to move forward. She was talking to my mom and my mom was saying how being gay just 'doesn't make sense', and how it 'just doesn't work', now the friend was explaining it to my mom. Soon my mom brought up what she thinks was my 'phase'. The friend asked what if it was true, and I was actually dating someone. My mom said she would be angry, disappointed, and sad. She said that her friend wouldn't understand, she has three children, and one, if not all of them are probably going to give her grandchildren, but if her daughter is gay she will never have them. It's one of the only things she wants in the world, and she said she will never forgive her daughter's 'choice' should she go down that road.

The friend was a bit offset, but continued, asking what would you do? My mom outright said an ultimatium. Either I chose her, or my 'gayness'. She said, and her friend quoted, that my being gay would be the worst thing that has ever happened to her in her life, worse than her abusive ex husband, worse than breaking her back, worse than getting cancer.

In honesty. I don't know what the **** to do. To put off being who I am in order to keep my family? My mom, she's a huge part of my life, it eats away at me keeping secrets from her. It's wrong to do that to anyone. I can't do that. If I love someone. Just to chose them for someone else? Then live a lie after it? Either way, I'm screwed.
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  #3733    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (05:13 PM).
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Brynjolf Brynjolf is offline
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Quote originally posted by PhantomX0990:
@Shining Raichu/Andy, all the hugs in the world. Who knows, maybe in time he'll come to change his mind. Obviously there is interest, but he must have been afraid about losing or ruining your friendship. In time, things might change, or maybe he was doing the right thing. Either way, don't harp on it for too long, you'll either move on or learn to appreciate what he did. You might even be better friends for it.

So, a while ago I left a very vague post. Some were saying to spit it out. I feel like I can now.

So that friend of my mother's got back to me. She understood completely, and was very supportive. I was quite giddy for a bit. At least, that was until we got to the point of things, telling my homophobic parents. She said that of all the people she knew, even her children, my mother was the one she was most scared to come out to. She did, and my mother didn't talk to her for months, and even though they are friends again, she will not let her mention anything about being lesbian.

It was at this point she said, knowing my mom, it would be a lot worse for me. She kept saying my mom 'knows in her heart' the truth, but she won't accept it; complete denial. My mom went to her, saying that I had mentioned being bi, but she was thinking it was 'just a phase'.

A couple weeks ago, right after she and I talked, she was in a car accident, and my mom was with her in the ER. They were talking, and she sort of nudged the conversation in that direction, which was part of our plan to ease into things and try to figure out the best way to move forward. She was talking to my mom and my mom was saying how being gay just 'doesn't make sense', and how it 'just doesn't work', now the friend was explaining it to my mom. Soon my mom brought up what she thinks was my 'phase'. The friend asked what if it was true, and I was actually dating someone. My mom said she would be angry, disappointed, and sad. She said that her friend wouldn't understand, she has three children, and one, if not all of them are probably going to give her grandchildren, but if her daughter is gay she will never have them. It's one of the only things she wants in the world, and she said she will never forgive her daughter's 'choice' should she go down that road.

The friend was a bit offset, but continued, asking what would you do? My mom outright said an ultimatium. Either I chose her, or my 'gayness'. She said, and her friend quoted, that my being gay would be the worst thing that has ever happened to her in her life, worse than her abusive ex husband, worse than breaking her back, worse than getting cancer.

In honesty. I don't know what the **** to do. To put off being who I am in order to keep my family? My mom, she's a huge part of my life, it eats away at me keeping secrets from her. It's wrong to do that to anyone. We haven't been dating too long, nearly five months, and it's not super serious, but what if it does become that? I can't do that. If I love someone. Just to chose them for someone else? Then live a lie after it? Either way, I'm screwed.
I kind of think that you shouldn't feel bad about this. Don't break up with your girl because your mom chooses to be ignorant.

I cannot believe she would say that to her own beloved daughter. Just because you're gay? THAT makes no sense..

I don't have much advice to give you to be honest, but the most I can say is good luck.
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  #3734    
Old May 3rd, 2013 (07:44 PM).
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I think it may be important to remind her that gay couples can adopt, or even have their own kids, with a little help. There's no reason she can't ever have grandkids... unless you just really don't want them.
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  #3735    
Old May 4th, 2013 (12:30 PM).
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It really isn't fair to you. She can't make you choose between her ignorance and who you are. Is there no one to get through to her? What did your friend say after talking to her?
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  #3736    
Old May 4th, 2013 (05:33 PM).
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Does that mean you are going to tell her?
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  #3737    
Old May 4th, 2013 (05:51 PM).
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Not yet. I'll need to get mentally prepared for this. But I will stand up for myself.
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  #3738    
Old May 4th, 2013 (08:14 PM).
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Inkblots Inkblots is offline
 
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Good for you!

You're making me feel downright cowardly for not coming out to my parents yet, haha. I'm sure they'll be supportive eventually, considering they have no problem with my three or four gay relatives (I have a huge family...), I just don't want to deal with the "yes, I'm old enough to know. No, there's nothing medically wrong with me" argument that I know will come first, thanks to them acting like I'm still a teenager most of the time. And I just don't know how to bring it up... Pretty sure at least my mom already thinks I'm gay. Would make things so much easier to come out if I was, haha (not saying you guys have it easy or anything, just in this one particular tiny situation, it would make things less complicated).

But anyway, good for you. I'm rooting for you, and I hope she'll change her mind when you actually do come out, and not follow through with her threats. Her reasoning for it is ridiculous. There are plenty of gay couples who have children, and plenty of straight couples who don't. Would she react the same way if you were straight and told her you didn't want kids? Absolutely ridiculous, and she has no right to demand or expect that you have kids just because she wants grandchildren. It's a huge, life-changing commitment that should be up to you and your partner, and no one else.
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  #3739    
Old May 5th, 2013 (12:05 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Nakuzami:
I can't really say the same.
I'm not sure if I want to get into everything . . . I just . . . I don't know. Maybe I'll explain it later when I have an inkling of what's going on.
Let's just say that someone called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my ex-boyfriend, because he's eighteen and I won't even be fifteen for another month. I'm not exactly sure what they said—something about us being a little too affectionate on the street or something—but they implied that we were in a sexual relationship. So now there's a whole bunch of legal crap going on. I just talked to a woman from CPS earlier, and so has my mother and my father and step-mother, and most likely my ex-boyfriend and his family.
Now I'm not allowed to go to my dad's house this weekend. I am permitted to talk to my ex, although I have yet to hear back from him and I highly doubt he'll take the risk. Chances are I won't be able to see him for a while, which sucks on its own, but since summer is starting soon it's so much worse.
If the case remains unfounded, then everything will go back to "normal"—although I hear the case may remain open for sixty days, just in case something new comes up—and if it doesn't . . . then my ex gets arrested, and perhaps my step-mother and father if they get charged for knowing about it and allowing it to go on. This also means that the case will stay on record until I'm 28, my ex will be registered as a sex offender, and there may be a restraining order put between us, meaning I won't be able to see him or even talk to him until I'm seventeen.
It sucks for obvious reasons, and "sucks" is an extreme understatement, but it also sucks because, really . . . he's my only real friend. I would hate to lose him, especially under such circumstances.
I don't know who made the call. It had to be someone who knows him and who knows how old I am, and also knows the name of my step-mother, as she was in the report. One logical person that it could be would be my ex's cousin, who has a crush on me. He's one of the very few people that ever knew about us, and one of the only people that knew that may file a report. My step-sister is really the only other viable person, but considering the way the report was filled out and the fact that she knows better than to do something like that—hopefully—it probably wasn't her. Plus I mentioned my ex's cousin, asking him if he knew anything about it. That was nearly an hour ago, and he never takes that long to respond to anything, really.
I'm going to kill whoever did it, and I'm going to make sure it's painful.

Pfft . . . I guess I lied when I said I wasn't going to give the whole story. I guess I really needed to vent. Kicking the wall earlier wasn't enough. (PS - Kicking the wall is even a bit extreme for me. I always feel like smashing something, but lately I've been able to avoid doing so. Mmmm . . . not anymore. Too much pent-up rage.)
Ah, I hate being a minor. My mind is certainly ready to be seen as more mature in many ways, but in some ways not so much (but who can really truthfully say that every part of their personality has fully matured?). However, that doesn't really matter in legal terms. My mental maturity—or even physical maturity, minus the age—doesn't count. All that matters is that I'm still a "child."

Even without all of this crap, I've been ready to completely break down lately.
I don't know if I can take this.
I'm certainly not as strong as I once believed myself to be, not even a year ago.
If you know me personally, you would know that I'm vehemently against suicide. I'm also against self-harm, but I'd rather someone do that than kill themselves, if that's what it takes.
Lately I've started to question my views on such things. This certainly isn't helping that.

EDIT: Well, my ex's cousin just messaged me back. I'm willing to believe that it wasn't him, but I have no idea who it could be. That alone is bugging me like Hell.
...This is ****ing scaring me like hell now.
I'm scared that, what if, me and my mate meet, and I'm still a minor, and this happens...
I don't know what the hell I would do in that situation...

I just hope we can either hide it well enough... Or I turn 17 when he gets here...
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  #3740    
Old May 5th, 2013 (04:26 PM). Edited May 5th, 2013 by Brynjolf.
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What's wrong with just waiting until people are 18 by the way?

edit:

excuse my ignorance. I typed that question sorta without thinking.

I understand it may be very hard to wait so very long to be with someone. I think that it is a stupid law.. It should just be that if you're 16 the age difference of 3 1/2 years is okay. Because really, love is love guys, come on.

I know this also sounds stupid, but if you're 17 can you date an 18 year old or is that still considered "minors" bs?
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Old May 5th, 2013 (06:29 PM).
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Nakuzami Nakuzami is offline
I'm not going home...
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
What's wrong with just waiting until people are 18 by the way?

edit:

excuse my ignorance. I typed that question sorta without thinking.

I understand it may be very hard to wait so very long to be with someone. I think that it is a stupid law.. It should just be that if you're 16 the age difference of 3 1/2 years is okay. Because really, love is love guys, come on.

I know this also sounds stupid, but if you're 17 can you date an 18 year old or is that still considered "minors" bs?
It actually depends on where you live. In the US, depending on the state, the age of consent ranges from sixteen to eighteen. So long as you're of the age of consent, you're fine.

Where I live (New York), the age of consent is seventeen. I have a few years to go.

I think they should come up with some sort of "maturity" test. I know that sounds odd, but if properly implemented it would be nice. . . . By that, I mean, you could essentially "apply" or something if you're below the age of consent. You'd take some sort of series of tests, and if your mental maturity seems to be of a satisfying level, you can pretty much overrule the age of consent.
It may sound odd, but . . . yeah.

@FenrirDarkWolf - I wouldn't be worried. If your mate is long distance, and he only plans to make visits for a while, then you should be fine, so long as you don't personally know anyone that would turn you in immediately. Same goes for if he moved to where you are and you aren't yet of age. I was with my boyfriend for about four months, and was only reported in the last week. We broke up in January, so . . . yeah, it took a while, to say the least.
Not saying it's good that it took a while, but I'm saying the chances are low so long as you don't know any major arses that would like to turn him in.
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Old May 5th, 2013 (06:40 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
I know this also sounds stupid, but if you're 17 can you date an 18 year old or is that still considered "minors" bs?
Basically, as long as there isn't anything going on between the hypothetical 17-year-old and 18-year-old that could be considered sexual (including things like stripping for each other), there's no problem. The main reasoning seems to be that anyone under 18 hasn't matured enough mentally to make a reasoned decision about sexual matters, and anyone over 18 should know better than to take advantage of someone who can't make reasoned decisions about such things.

That said, I think it's ridiculous to say "everyone under 18 (or whatever it is in different countries) is a child, and everyone over 18 is an adult." I know plenty of people who were mature enough at 16 or 17 to be considered adults, and I know plenty of people who are 20 or 21, and definitely should NOT be considered adults (honestly, sometimes I feel like there need to be some tests to allow people to become adults, the same way you have to take a series of tests to get your driver's license). I know that in a lot of countries it's possible to become an "emancipated minor" and legally considered an adult even when under 18, but most people don't know that this option even exists (and, to bring it back to the original discussion, I'm not sure if being an emancipated minor would nullify the age of consent law).
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Old May 5th, 2013 (08:39 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Nakuzami:
It actually depends on where you live. In the US, depending on the state, the age of consent ranges from sixteen to eighteen. So long as you're of the age of consent, you're fine.

Where I live (New York), the age of consent is seventeen. I have a few years to go.

I think they should come up with some sort of "maturity" test. I know that sounds odd, but if properly implemented it would be nice. . . . By that, I mean, you could essentially "apply" or something if you're below the age of consent. You'd take some sort of series of tests, and if your mental maturity seems to be of a satisfying level, you can pretty much overrule the age of consent.
It may sound odd, but . . . yeah.

@FenrirDarkWolf - I wouldn't be worried. If your mate is long distance, and he only plans to make visits for a while, then you should be fine, so long as you don't personally know anyone that would turn you in immediately. Same goes for if he moved to where you are and you aren't yet of age. I was with my boyfriend for about four months, and was only reported in the last week. We broke up in January, so . . . yeah, it took a while, to say the least.
Not saying it's good that it took a while, but I'm saying the chances are low so long as you don't know any major arses that would like to turn him in.
In a perfect world, there would yes, be a maturity test... But millions of $$$ would go to waste and heaven forbid the government spends money to make sure people don't get raped/in a relationship that will lead to abuse or other bad things. :\ I wish people would just be less stupid and not get a law made about it in the first place. Just use common sense :(

Quote originally posted by Inkblots:
Basically, as long as there isn't anything going on between the hypothetical 17-year-old and 18-year-old that could be considered sexual (including things like stripping for each other), there's no problem. The main reasoning seems to be that anyone under 18 hasn't matured enough mentally to make a reasoned decision about sexual matters, and anyone over 18 should know better than to take advantage of someone who can't make reasoned decisions about such things.

That said, I think it's ridiculous to say "everyone under 18 (or whatever it is in different countries) is a child, and everyone over 18 is an adult." I know plenty of people who were mature enough at 16 or 17 to be considered adults, and I know plenty of people who are 20 or 21, and definitely should NOT be considered adults (honestly, sometimes I feel like there need to be some tests to allow people to become adults, the same way you have to take a series of tests to get your driver's license). I know that in a lot of countries it's possible to become an "emancipated minor" and legally considered an adult even when under 18, but most people don't know that this option even exists (and, to bring it back to the original discussion, I'm not sure if being an emancipated minor would nullify the age of consent law).
I know a kid who is 18 and he acts like he's 12. :\ So yeah. Maturity is a huge factor
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Old May 5th, 2013 (09:35 PM).
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Yeah, the way things are set up right now is kinda silly. If the age difference between two people is only 1 or 2 years, then it seems like it shouldn't really matter. When we're talking about 20 and 15 year olds, I think their concern understandable though.
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Old May 6th, 2013 (08:57 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Nakuzami:
@FenrirDarkWolf - I wouldn't be worried. If your mate is long distance, and he only plans to make visits for a while, then you should be fine, so long as you don't personally know anyone that would turn you in immediately. Same goes for if he moved to where you are and you aren't yet of age. I was with my boyfriend for about four months, and was only reported in the last week. We broke up in January, so . . . yeah, it took a while, to say the least.
Not saying it's good that it took a while, but I'm saying the chances are low so long as you don't know any major arses that would like to turn him in.
That's a bit reassuring.
The thing is, we haven't really haven't met... Yet.
I guess we're lucky because we don't know anyone who would turn us in...
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Old May 6th, 2013 (09:24 AM).
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Age of consent laws is kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it's hard to measure maturity with a number, but on the other there are people who really aren't ready for sexual activities, especially with someone older who may have more power and persuasion on account of just being older and having more experience.

I know that when I was 14 I thought I was ready for a lot of things I probably wasn't really ready for (and I suppose I'm grateful I didn't find out for sure until I was a bit older and relatively more mature.) I guess since I'm older I don't have as much a problem with these kinds of laws. I mean, no one really follows them anyway, but they're there for those cases when something bad is genuinely going on. At least, that's how it should be.
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Old May 6th, 2013 (10:29 AM).
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The problem I see with the age of consent laws is that many countries have a single border without any grey zone for those who are close in age. Hell, in California, even if both participants in a sexual relation are minors they'd just both be found guilty of unlawful sex, which is completely insane. There are plenty of jurisdictions that do, luckily, allow for close-in-age relations to take place. Those are called Romeo and Juliet laws and they're great examples of allowing minors to enter relationships with other people in acceptable ranges while avoiding any of the nasty consequences of allowing egregious age differences to exist so that the law can actually do its duty to protect without suppression of legitimate love. Texas penal code has a good example of how it works. The age difference can be no greater than 3 years of age as defence against sexual assault and the perceived victim is older than 14 years of age. This would mean that 15 and 18 would be perfectly allowed according to Texan law.
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Old May 6th, 2013 (10:41 AM). Edited May 6th, 2013 by FenrirDarkWolf.
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Quote originally posted by EGKangaroo:
Texas penal code has a good example of how it works. The age difference can be no greater than 3 years of age as defence against sexual assault and the perceived victim is older than 14 years of age. This would mean that 15 and 18 would be perfectly allowed according to Texan law.
..............
Damn it....
This doesn't apply for people over the age of consent, correct?
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Old May 6th, 2013 (04:38 PM). Edited May 6th, 2013 by Kiyoshi the Polar Bear.
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What also matters is the definition of consent is for whatever place you may be- at least how my state's consent laws work is that it's purely based on whether or not the couple engages in sexual activity will any laws be broken. They can't really find a crime if nothing physical is going on. So, perhaps in any case, any hanky-panky show be left for a later date.

You damn crazy kids, can't you just keep it in your pants?! *walking cane*

Personally, 3 years is definitely not a big whoop in mind especially as you guys get older. This issue really is only an issue now because one of you is over the age of consent and law gets a little strict here, but it has more benefits to those who actually need them than repercussions, so bear with them.

Perhaps people in these situations should spend some time expanding on any emotional relations you have with each other. There's plenty a couple can do than physical stuff, and waiting might just be worth it. I mean, I'm still waiting years to be even so much as kissed, so just be patient.

Also furries.

But if there was nothing sexual going on, Nakuzami, there really can't be that much evidence to expand on.... then again, I don't know how this process works. Just be level headed and find any way you can get help. I know that's wicked easier said than done, but, please press on.
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Old May 6th, 2013 (05:07 PM).
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I thought the point of age of consent laws was to stop paedophilia. I'm not comfortable with those laws being in place for any other reason.

If those laws are in place to stop consentual activities involving people that those laws deem not mature enough to make their own decisions, then that's nanny state behaviour that I'm really not comfortable with. In the end, if a 12-year-old wants to have sex, then as much as we might all disapprove and think "oh no that's too young" ultimately it's nobody's business but that 12-year-old and their partner. It's certainly not any government's place to dictate that.
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