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  #3801    
Old May 13th, 2013 (02:38 PM).
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Quote originally posted by LaVida:
I agree with the people, who say that it is not necessary to label oneself.

Sexuality is a lot more fluid than most people think, so trying really hard to label oneself may be a waste of time. It may change after all. I do see, how people like to belong to a group and therefore put a label on themselves. But if it's a struggle to define one's sexuality at the moment, it might be best to simply ignore labels for the moment and just see how things are going.

That's my opinion, at least.
I agree. Labels are best when treated as tools - something to pick up and use when you need, and store away when you don't.
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Old May 13th, 2013 (03:09 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Inkblots:
I agree. Labels are best when treated as tools - something to pick up and use when you need, and store away when you don't.
I agree.
Normally, since it would be too hard to explain, I just say "I'm bi." and leave with that.
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  #3803    
Old May 13th, 2013 (03:17 PM).
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I think labels are sometimes helpful and sometimes hurtful. Sometimes I like to say (like fenrir) "I'm lesbian" because it helps simplify things. I don't like going around saying "I'm a demisexual which means blah blah blah, and I'm also blah blah blah, and sometimes men are attractive, but I don't like them sexually or romantically, but women are awesome, but also blah blah blah" and I simplify it to "lesbian".
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Old May 13th, 2013 (06:56 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
I think labels are sometimes helpful and sometimes hurtful. Sometimes I like to say (like fenrir) "I'm lesbian" because it helps simplify things. I don't like going around saying "I'm a demisexual which means blah blah blah, and I'm also blah blah blah, and sometimes men are attractive, but I don't like them sexually or romantically, but women are awesome, but also blah blah blah" and I simplify it to "lesbian".
Haha, yeah, exactly. It simplifies things, especially if you're talking to a stranger. A friend? Yeah, I'd probably go into more detail, but not with a stranger, unless they ask.

Unfortunately for me though, 90% of the people I meet have no concept of what ace or asexual means, so I end up having to explain it in detail anyway, haha. Most of the time with strangers, I just avoid the topic all together. I'm not very eloquent in real life, especially if confronted about anything.

I work at an electronics store, and I cannot believe how many people (mostly older men) make some casual comment about my "future husband." They're usually in the form of compliments, or, alternatively, it's the "never get married" advice from someone who's just had a fight with their spouse (this comes from a lot of my married friends as well, even the ones that know I'm ace!). It always makes me very uncomfortable, and it's gotten very tiresome to realize exactly how many people just assume that everyone they meet is straight.
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Old May 13th, 2013 (08:21 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Inkblots:
Haha, yeah, exactly. It simplifies things, especially if you're talking to a stranger. A friend? Yeah, I'd probably go into more detail, but not with a stranger, unless they ask.

Unfortunately for me though, 90% of the people I meet have no concept of what ace or asexual means, so I end up having to explain it in detail anyway, haha. Most of the time with strangers, I just avoid the topic all together. I'm not very eloquent in real life, especially if confronted about anything.

I work at an electronics store, and I cannot believe how many people (mostly older men) make some casual comment about my "future husband." They're usually in the form of compliments, or, alternatively, it's the "never get married" advice from someone who's just had a fight with their spouse (this comes from a lot of my married friends as well, even the ones that know I'm ace!). It always makes me very uncomfortable, and it's gotten very tiresome to realize exactly how many people just assume that everyone they meet is straight.
Yeah but to be fair, asexual is not a common thing. About 0.05% of everyone I've ever known is asexual, so it helps explain why most of society has no idea what it is.

When you explain it, all you have to say (without going into the specifics because I don't know your case) is, "I am not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone, period." (If that's your case).

Short and sweet and it stops people from saying that stuff.

But again I wish people would be more conscious of the different sexualities, but please do remember that a lot of people are hard headed and will say "oh you haven't met the right gal/guy that's why you don't like any of them. :(
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Old May 13th, 2013 (10:30 PM).
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Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
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  #3807    
Old May 13th, 2013 (11:51 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Fenneking:
Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
I've always just wanted a completely equal relationship, regardless of gender... I don't think one person should have to fit any sort of role. That's not to say that you can't have a preference of course, because I do... it's just that... uh, I guess I just don't like gender roles in general. lol
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Old May 14th, 2013 (01:40 AM).
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I'll join. I'm pansexual and, I guess, genderless because I don't feel comfortable being only one gender or both "natural" genders.
But yeah, I'm totally in.
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  #3809    
Old May 14th, 2013 (04:39 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Branellope:
I'll join. I'm pansexual and, I guess, genderless because I don't feel comfortable being only one gender or both "natural" genders.
But yeah, I'm totally in.
Awesome! Welcome to the awesome LGBTetc thread :D

Quote originally posted by QuilavaKing:
I've always just wanted a completely equal relationship, regardless of gender... I don't think one person should have to fit any sort of role. That's not to say that you can't have a preference of course, because I do... it's just that... uh, I guess I just don't like gender roles in general. lol
I feel the same way. I don't feel dominant or submissive and I think being either would be unfair to the other partner. :(
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  #3810    
Old May 14th, 2013 (06:35 PM). Edited May 14th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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Quote originally posted by Insomniac:
Yeah but to be fair, asexual is not a common thing. About 0.05% of everyone I've ever known is asexual, so it helps explain why most of society has no idea what it is.

When you explain it, all you have to say (without going into the specifics because I don't know your case) is, "I am not sexually/romantically attracted to anyone, period." (If that's your case).

Short and sweet and it stops people from saying that stuff.

But again I wish people would be more conscious of the different sexualities, but please do remember that a lot of people are hard headed and will say "oh you haven't met the right gal/guy that's why you don't like any of them.
Oh yeah, I do understand that it's uncommon, and thus not many people have heard of it, and I don't mind that so much. It's the fact that most people I've met aren't satisfied with the "I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to people" explanation, and seem to require proof that I am what I say I am. I haven't had it nearly as bad as some aces, and definitely not as bad as gay/bi/pan individuals, I'll admit that, but even my best friend told me that I "don't get out enough" when I came out to her (she quickly apologized when I gave her "the look" and has been supportive since, but still...). A couple of other friends asked if it could be a hormonal problem, and a few just continue to treat me as though I'm completely straight. It's just kind of discouraging, you know? And it's part of why I still haven't come out to my immediate family, because I KNOW that I'll get the "you're too young to know what you want/WE MUST GET YOU TO A DOCTOR" lecture.

Quote originally posted by Fenneking:
Labeling can get a bit out of hand. Especially with the whole top vs bottom (or "versatile" dilemma; I've been asked by friends or acquaintance all of the time, which one I am. This is even common amongst gay circles.

I just want to say, do I ask you explicit details about your sex life? It's just assumed that the man is the top and the woman is the bottom in the relationship, it's easier for many people to help explain behavior they have little knowledge of more concretely and in terms that they understand better such as the sex dichotomy of heterosexuality. Though in some relationships, there is a clear dichotomy of dominance, a lot of the time there is not.
Oh god, I hear ya. One of the most common questions I get asked (online anyway, I have yet to have met someone ballsy enough to ask me in person): "so... do you masturbate?"

Um, excuse me? Since when is that an appropriate question to ask a complete stranger? I don't mind if someone asks something like that along the lines of of "In general, do aces do this?" but to ask me directly if I do it? Uh, no. Sometimes I might volunteer personal information when being asked a general question, but otherwise, no. My personal life is none of your business, thank you.
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  #3811    
Old May 15th, 2013 (02:08 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Inkblots:
Oh yeah, I do understand that it's uncommon, and thus not many people have heard of it, and I don't mind that so much. It's the fact that most people I've met aren't satisfied with the "I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to people" explanation, and seem to require proof that I am what I say I am. I haven't had it nearly as bad as some aces, and definitely not as bad as gay/bi/pan individuals, I'll admit that, but even my best friend told me that I "don't get out enough" when I came out to her (she quickly apologized when I gave her "the look" and has been supportive since, but still...). A couple of other friends asked if it could be a hormonal problem, and a few just continue to treat me as though I'm completely straight. It's just kind of discouraging, you know? And it's part of why I still haven't come out to my immediate family, because I KNOW that I'll get the "you're too young to know what you want/WE MUST GET YOU TO A DOCTOR" lecture.
I bet that must be a struggle to deal with. You know, I always thought that it is not so important to come out to one's family. Maybe, you could keep it to yourself a while longer until you feel more confident in coming out.

By the way, on a small note, I used to think that I was an aromantic ace as well until I got my first boyfriend. A little bit later, I figured out that I liked girls as well so yeah... I kinda went from asexual -> heterosexual -> bisexual... who knows, what happens next? :D
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  #3812    
Old May 15th, 2013 (06:21 AM).
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Quote originally posted by LaVida:
I bet that must be a struggle to deal with. You know, I always thought that it is not so important to come out to one's family. Maybe, you could keep it to yourself a while longer until you feel more confident in coming out.

By the way, on a small note, I used to think that I was an aromantic ace as well until I got my first boyfriend. A little bit later, I figured out that I liked girls as well so yeah... I kinda went from asexual -> heterosexual -> bisexual... who knows, what happens next? :D
It's important to me that they know at some point. They have kind of noticed that I've never had a boyfriend... But they never bring it up, except to joke about it in situations where it's really not a good time for me to tell them (like at big family gatherings). If they ever ask me about it, I'll tell them, but otherwise, I'm probably going to wait until I move out in the next year or so, just because maybe then they'll stop thinking of me as a kid. What really killed the whole coming out plan was that episode of House with the ace couple. I'd finally gotten up the courage to do it, and then I heard that House was doing an episode on it, and I figured "Okay, right after the episode, that'll be the perfect time. I can see how they react to the idea of asexuality, and if they seem cool with it, I'll tell them."

HAHA NOPE

One's asexuality is being caused by a tumour, the other's lying about it. Fantastic. Coming out will go over really well now.

I have tried to bring up the topic of asexuals casually in conversation though, just to test the waters, and sort of plant the idea in their heads. I usually just get met with a look of "seriously? sounds like bull to me." :/
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  #3813    
Old May 17th, 2013 (08:48 AM). Edited May 17th, 2013 by LaVida.
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Today (May 17), it's International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia.

In my town, most of the trams have been carrying a rainbow flag all week. That's pretty sweet.

By the way, what do you do about people who don't believe in your sexuality (in my case, it's bisexuality)? I just had someone telling me (after stating that I'm bisexual) that there is no such thing. Pretty rude, huh.
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Old May 17th, 2013 (09:12 AM).
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Bisexuality is generally the most common sexuality to deal with this, I think. It's because there are so many people who use bisexuality as a way to gradually phase in the idea that they're gay, and also so many ****ty 15-year-old girls who say they're bisexual so they can kiss each other to turn on boys, that people start to question whether the sexuality is legitimate at all. It's a case of some people ruining it for everybody.

It's not right, it's absolutely not OK, but I do understand why people might think that. It's just a matter of educating them, as frustrating as that might be
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  #3815    
Old May 17th, 2013 (10:33 AM).
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I'm Bi and I feel very offended to the fact that 15 year old girls simply use the term as a means to just freaking turn on a guy, it's pure bs imo. If you wanted a guy, just get him as you are not by kissing another girl just so they'd be into you, especially for the wrong reasons--if there may be. Heck they disgrace all others who are Bisexual and are ACTUALLY into both sexes/all sexualities.

Now my venting is done, and I agree with Shining Raichu it's just simply a matter of educating no matter what the frustrations follow and no matter how density or thick-skullednesses.


btw SR, I miss your old sig lol.
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  #3816    
Old May 17th, 2013 (10:49 AM).
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I wouldn't be too hard on the young girls. They may just be taking advantage of a socially acceptable way in which to experiment with their sexuality. We don't know if any of them are straight, bi, gay, or anything else. I'd rather that they did that than they stay completely heteronormative. It's like what Andy said, we have to educate the people who don't understand that there are bisexual people. They're the ones who need help.
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  #3817    
Old May 17th, 2013 (06:35 PM). Edited May 17th, 2013 by Inkblots.
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Quote originally posted by LaVida:
Today (May 17), it's International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia.

In my town, most of the trams have been carrying a rainbow flag all week. That's pretty sweet.

By the way, what do you do about people who don't believe in your sexuality (in my case, it's bisexuality)? I just had someone telling me (after stating that I'm bisexual) that there is no such thing. Pretty rude, huh.
This happens a lot to aces too. We're told that (a) there's something medically wrong with us (b) we're just "late bloomers", or (c) it's an excuse to cover up for the fact that we can't get a date. One of the things that I've noticed has worked when logic and reason fails is, first, don't get too defensive about it. If possible - and I know it sounds mean, but hey, they're invalidating you, and that's pretty douchey - act like they're a complete moron for not believing that your sexuality exists. Give them a completely incredulous "Really? You seriously think this doesn't exist?" Be patronizing and dismissive. Act like they're the first person you've ever met who doesn't believe you. If you make it seem like you've encountered the arguments they're presenting before, then they will (usually uncounsciously) take this as evidence that there are other people who believe the same as they do, and that therefore, they are right and you are wrong.

Most people like to think they're the smartest and most knowledgeable person in the room. The more you try to argue with them, the more they're going to argue back just for the sake of winning the argument and proving themselves right (even if, through the course of the argument, they realize they're wrong). It's tricky, but often the best way to get them to come around is to make them doubt their own argument by acting as though it's so ridiculous, it isn't even worth your time to respond, rather than to actually prove them wrong. You want them to come to the conclusion that they're wrong on their own, so they don't come to resent you and cement their belief even further just out of spite.
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Old May 20th, 2013 (07:31 AM).
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...I realize now, that, I have very few straight friends.
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  #3819    
Old May 20th, 2013 (07:56 AM).
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If we're talking about friends that we see on a regular basis, I only have one straight one lol. The majority of my friends these days are made up of gay guys. Outside of them, my existing friends consisted of one bisexual girl and one straight girl lol
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  #3820    
Old May 20th, 2013 (09:13 AM).
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I'm totally the opposite. All my friends are straight (as far as I know) except for two, haha XD
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  #3821    
Old May 20th, 2013 (06:48 PM).
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My friends are a total mixture. Some are gay, some are straight and some are bi. It is all over the place when it comes to my friend's sexuality.
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Old May 20th, 2013 (06:57 PM).
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Most of my friends are straight, but there are like 3 bisexual ones and then I'm the only fully gay one in the group. :( I'm surrounded by half pints and nonfats (I'm whole milk)
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Old May 20th, 2013 (07:18 PM).
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I don't actually know for sure what some of my friends' sexualities are. One of them, I think, might be asexual (or demisexual) and another friend who once said she was bisexual I suspect might just be gay, but to be honest, it doesn't really matter to me and I'm not going to ask them if they're not going to bring it up themselves.
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Old May 20th, 2013 (07:24 PM).
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I like to joke that "everyone I touch ends up gay." It seems to be...pretty accurate... o_o

No really though, my friends and even siblings are pretty varied when it comes to sexualities. I do have one friend in particular that I'm afraid to tell about the girl I'm talking to, though :V
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Old May 20th, 2013 (07:36 PM).
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Since we are talking about gay/straight/bi people we know, what about relatives?

My older brother is gay. I think we both got a gay gene from my dad because we have different moms but the same father.
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