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  #4326    
Old January 28th, 2014 (8:13 PM).
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Flushed Flushed is offline
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I've been reading a couple of the posts here and thought I'd add my input, so I guess I'll be joining. I'm not entirely qualified to give advice on some of these matters, but I assume different perspectives are welcome?


Quote:
Originally Posted by TéaQQ View Post
Okay, I am in need of some advice over some issues at hand here.

First off I will re-introduce myself to give a taste of the situation at hand: I am a male to female transsexual who is not very far in transition at all. I’m only three months into HRT I've done some voice work (I still sound like a guy though.) I am still very boyish in my looks, and I’m still pretty gender-neutral in the ways of dressing.

My therapist suggests the time has come for me to make some friends around here for once, and so, wants me to go to this LGBT center during its drop-in hours and try to meet (and hopefully befriend) some fellow MTFs. If not this, try to go to a support group for those in my age range. While to some people this might seem like no big deal, I have some things about me that make it a huge issue:
• I have been a social recluse for over seven years, so as a result, I don’t know how to start conversations with people about almost anything. I am almost always a skittish disaster when I try to talk to people (aside from work and other obligations.) I made absolutely no friends in high school, and only made a few middle school acquaintances who I don’t keep in contact with anymore. I seriously only have one friend in person that I only get to see rarely, and we seldom discuss my problems.
• I’m very scared to open up to most people because I’m worried of the possibility of leaving disastrous trail behind me. When I do open up to someone, however, it is an extremely slow process and I tend to shy away from everyone who tries to start a conversation with me. It’s interesting since I like having fewer, yet closer friendships. I understand that the biggest thing about me (being trans) is not that much of a big deal in a situation like this, but the anxiety still follows me. Plus, there are a bunch of other quantities of me I only share with my boyfriend because of how high-tension silence inducing they can be, so I guess that’s a thing (I have had on and off phases of misanthropy and nihilism in my early teen years.)

Even with all this mind, I really want to go, but…the problem is that I’m very scared. I’ve told her (my therapist) about this, but I’ve been told that transitioning may be far more difficult if I don’t at least try. It’s the unknown to me, which I think is the scariest part about it.


So…what the hell do I do? Do I try overcome my fears and try to be friends with some people, or do I sit here and wait for things to come to me? I know I want to do the former, but for the love of god I don’t have any idea how!
I say you go. Whether it's something like a support group or LGBT center, I think being around other people who are in the same boat will help. You don't necessarily need to share your life story, maybe take awhile to listen to others and just become comfortable in that sort of environment. Eventually, familiarity will sink in an you can start opening up to other people, who should welcome you and be respectful of you fears and anxiety. You don't have to strike up conversations right away, and perhaps you'll meet other people who feel the same way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Faye Rose~ View Post
Since you've been out of socialization of course it will take a while, but I think that after a while it will start to be easier and come back, so I say go. Nothing to lose

On my side of things, new blog post coming soon... I'm at a complete loss of what to do.

EDIT: Blog post is out.
I guess I don't know the severity of the parent situation, but I've always "been a fan" of explaining yourself to them. If you are truly depressed that's something that would be of concern to them, and if they were to kick you out, or anything to that effect, that would, in all reality, exacerbate the situation. This is where my limited scope of the situation comes into play. I don't want to say that "if they love you they'll accept you", but honestly, I expect that if a parent sees their child suffering, they'll do their best to try and comfort them.

If something like being kicked out or rejected is a real possibility, make sure you stay positive. Go get that license, try to get a job. If 4 months is all it takes, then don't stress out. You should see this time in your life as working towards your eventual goal, instead of being stuck, because although you may not be on hormones, you're still crafting a new life. You've already made tremendous progress, and although it may not be physical, let the prospect of a better life be the motivator.

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  #4327    
Old January 31st, 2014 (3:15 AM).
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Somniac Somniac is offline
Probably sleeping.
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Congratulations, Somniac! Best wishes to the both of you and for a long and happy life together!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atomic Pirate View Post
Anyway, Somniac, congrats!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TéaQQ View Post
Holy crap that's amazing! Congrats to you!!
I wrote a blog post about it, the first of many most likely. I'll probably cover some topics that may be relevant to this club in the future, so if anyone is interested feel free to check it out.
  #4328    
Old January 31st, 2014 (10:22 AM).
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So... my parents snooped through my computer and found out I was trans.

And they're being unsupportive, overcontrolling jerks about it too.

My mom say's she'd rather die than let me transition.

Jerks. Jerks. Jerks.
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  #4329    
Old January 31st, 2014 (10:44 AM).
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I hope you can stick it out? Don't let them get to you! Be the mature one at all times, unless your parents aren't really reasonable people :\
  #4330    
Old January 31st, 2014 (10:54 AM). Edited January 31st, 2014 by Faye Rose~.
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My mom has the audacity to tell me that 'I don't know what I'm doing' and that 'I'm delusional' She acts like just because she's my mother she knows everything about me inside and out.

She thinks I'm being selfish for wanting this, but it's okay and unselfish for her to try to force me to live my life how she wants me to live it.

Pathetic.
FAYE ROSE~
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  #4331    
Old February 2nd, 2014 (12:52 AM).
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Uh, I didn't do it
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So, yesterday I was checking in some guy at work. And he started chatting with me.

Somehow the conversation got to religion, I don't really remember how. And I mentioned that I used to be Catholic. (I then wanted to smack myself in the face because that never leads to anything good) And the guy asked why I used to be. I just tried to shrug it off and just say I didn't meet eye to eye with the church. \

The guy then started ranting about Catholic priests and how they should not let gay men be priests. And he then said that he heard a rumor about a local priest being seen in a gay bar.

I couldn't help it. I told him that, so? Just if a priest is gay, doesn't mean he's a child molester, and that a straight priest could molest a child too. I told him I was once an altar server and the priest could have done something to me, never did, and I never would think my priest to do that.

The guy then goes, well wouldn't I be concerned if I saw someone of influence in a gay bar.

I couldn't help it, again.

I just said I hadn't seen anyone important there lately.

The guy sort of paused. He looks me over and goes, "I don't believe that." I ask him what. "Well, you know."

I pause and say, "Well, my girlfriend probably believes different than you do."

He then just smiles and goes. "Yeah, I don't believe that's true." I just give him a look that just screamed, 'seriously?'. He laughs and keeps going saying how if he gave me an hour to talk how he could change my mind of that. He kept saying that he didn't believe it like I was lying or something.

Oh, gee, another religious person that thinks they can 'fix' me. Not only that, but that guy thought I was 'wrong' about myself.
  #4332    
Old February 2nd, 2014 (9:33 AM). Edited February 2nd, 2014 by Faye Rose~.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
Oh, gee, another religious person that thinks they can 'fix' me. Not only that, but that guy thought I was 'wrong' about myself.
Sounds like my parents. They think they can 'fix' my transgenderism, and they think I'm wrong about what I feel.

Update about my blog, I'm fairly sure that my parents, when they snooped on my laptop, found it so I'm going to move it to a new URL.

Also changed my password on my laptop so they can't do it again.

I am allowed back in my house tomorrow, so my 2 day bout of homelessness is over. In reality, I just sat in my friends' basement playing Pokemon Showdown and drinking Mtn Dew for 2 days.

My parents are sending me to a psychiatrist, they're hoping that they'll diagnose me with some other Mental disorder, when in reality, I'll just get diagnosed with Gender dysphoria. Once they hear that from a doctor, they won't be able to tell me I'm wrong about myself any more.

Check, mate.
FAYE ROSE~
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The Rainbow Connection

TheZenTraveler
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  #4333    
Old February 3rd, 2014 (1:53 AM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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Parents have this nasty habit of thinking they're right about everything and that they know their children better than their children know themselves. They're wrong, of course, but they don't figure this out until it's too late for it to make any difference to the living situation.

In a few years when you've moved out on your own terms, that's when she'll come to her senses lol. That's what happened with me anyway - not so much about my sexuality but just things in general.

"So this is why God bombed us."

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  #4334    
Old February 3rd, 2014 (2:59 PM).
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Kawaii Shoujo Duskull Kawaii Shoujo Duskull is offline
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Can I join?


Also in relatedness(if that's a word) to the current topic. Parents can seriously suck sometimes.
They act like they know you inside and out, like they know /YOU/ and how /YOU/ feel. You can be telling them with tear-filled eyes that you love somebody and they might just say "I don't think you do".


Its things like that that leave me no choice but to just keep to myself and avoid letting my true feelings show at any cost to anybody IRL. I try to make up for my apathy by being a good friend to people online though.
Doesn't help I've got a ton of issues and I probably can't name half of them. But meh.


Hopefully that was relevant.
  #4335    
Old February 3rd, 2014 (3:14 PM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faye Rose~ View Post
So... my parents snooped through my computer and found out I was trans.

And they're being unsupportive, overcontrolling jerks about it too.

My mom say's she'd rather die than let me transition.

Jerks. Jerks. Jerks.
I guess her love is conditional then. It's not uncommon, I'm afraid. I wish you the best going forward.
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"...many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." ~ Obi Wan Kenobi
  #4336    
Old February 3rd, 2014 (4:50 PM).
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Unknown# Unknown# is offline
'Cause why not?
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May I join? I'm bisexual, a Jew, and, uh...yeah.

On topic, parents should love their child no matter what. It is sad that some, as put in the above post, have only conditional love.
Check out my YouTube channels:
  #4337    
Old February 4th, 2014 (3:23 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unknown# View Post
May I join? I'm bisexual, a Jew, and, uh...yeah.

On topic, parents should love their child no matter what. It is sad that some, as put in the above post, have only conditional love.
I completely agree. I am fortunate to have parents who love me no matter what. I just that one day all parents can be unconditionally loving.
  #4338    
Old February 4th, 2014 (5:24 PM).
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'Cause why not?
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Part of what I said in that post were a direct quote from my mom. Strangely enough, my parents still don't know that I'm bi.
Check out my YouTube channels:
  #4339    
Old February 4th, 2014 (8:07 PM).
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Kanzler Kanzler is offline
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http://imgur.com/gallery/EnOhK

Wow. These parents seem like they love their kids no matter what. Something that caught my eye, felt like it was worth sharing.
  #4340    
Old February 4th, 2014 (9:33 PM).
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Shining Raichu Shining Raichu is offline
Emile Hersch turned 30 today. Who the hell is Emile Hersch?
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Yes, everybody can join

Parents seem to be the order of the day. I feel bad for those two in the images... they could have had amazing lives being gay, it's kind of like a get-out-of-kids-free card, but they chose to forfeit the card and now they're screwed for the next 15 years at least.

"So this is why God bombed us."

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  #4341    
Old February 8th, 2014 (3:38 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post

Parents seem to be the order of the day. I feel bad for those two in the images... they could have had amazing lives being gay, it's kind of like a get-out-of-kids-free card, but they chose to forfeit the card and now they're screwed for the next 15 years at least.


Idk, I really want kids.


I mean I guess everyone's different, but that was the first thing my mom thought of when I came out. She was sad I couldn't have kids.
  #4342    
Old February 8th, 2014 (3:48 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining Raichu View Post
Yes, everybody can join

Parents seem to be the order of the day. I feel bad for those two in the images... they could have had amazing lives being gay, it's kind of like a get-out-of-kids-free card, but they chose to forfeit the card and now they're screwed for the next 15 years at least.
To each their own. In my case, if I could get pregnant with my boyfriend's child, I would the happiest person ever. There's always adoption but I'm afraid the both of us are too old to raise children, and plus neither of us has the money to raise kids. So sad.
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  #4343    
Old February 8th, 2014 (4:15 AM).
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Uh, I didn't do it
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Well, it's something we've actually discussed... I guess in this area, we lesbians have it a bit easer, to be honest.
  #4344    
Old February 8th, 2014 (4:34 AM).
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhantomX0990 View Post
Well, it's something we've actually discussed... I guess in this area, we lesbians have it a bit easer, to be honest.
Yes, you do actually. For gay men, if we wished to have a child of our own, born from our own DNA, we would have to seek out a surrogate to carry our child from the sperm we donate. A very, VERY, expensive procedure (usually running in the tens of thousands of dollars, most of which is paid to the woman agreeing to become the surrogate). And even then, some woman who agree to become surrogates, once the child is born, go against the agreement and opt to keep the child for themselves, resulting in a massively expensive child custody battle.

Unfortunately, things are stacked up against men (heterosexual or homosexual) who wish to have a child of their own. And that sucks.
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"...many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." ~ Obi Wan Kenobi
  #4345    
Old February 10th, 2014 (12:18 PM).
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It is more difficult for men, because they can't carry a child, but discrimination is also there for females too - a lot of places won't condon artificial insemination for a lesbian couple. So both sides have their own issues. When it comes to adoption, that's equally difficult for both, I've heard, and that's so sad. :/

However, even though I'm female, I doubt I'll ever get pregnant. I have issues with my gender to an extent, so having a child through anything other than adopting might depend on if my partner would want to carry the child. Ugh.
  #4346    
Old February 10th, 2014 (2:16 PM).
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Shhmew Shhmew is offline
 
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Hello everyone ^-^ I would like to join if that's alright~? I think this club looks lovely.

I am unsure of my own sexuality as of now. Some background: I grew up with my mom being Christian and not quite agreeing with any idea of someone being attracted to someone of the same gender or sex. She would always say they were just confused and all that, so I never really even considered the fact I might be until I was around maybe 16 and finally stopped shoving away the thoughts of liking women.

I've never done anything romantic or sexual with a woman, and only really one man. Do you guys think experience is important in deciding your sexuality?

All I know is I can have romantic or sexual feelings for anyone, regardless of gender. Pansexuality has always seemed to describe myself better than Bisexuality, but I'm not sure?

Anyway, that's enough about me!

For the current topic, I have always wanted to be a mother. If I ended up wanting to have children with a woman, I don't know how that would go I'd be fine carrying the baby myself but carrying a child from a man who I don't know rather than my partner sounds just... really strange. I am currently in a serious relationship with a man, so if we end up with children, there hopefully won't be an issue... but it's sad for those who physically can't without the complicated procedures of adoption or insemination u.u Perhaps, since our society is becoming more and more accepting, it will become much easier fairly soon.
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  #4347    
Old February 10th, 2014 (2:57 PM).
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Flushed Flushed is offline
never eat raspberries
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Yeah it's sad that adoption still favors the heterosexual couple. But as mentioned, I think with coming generations being more tolerant of gay couples, and as people start to see that having gay parents is not a detriment (look at NPH and Burtka), biological parents will be more willing to judge potential couples on factors other than gender and sexuality.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Shhmew View Post
I've never done anything romantic or sexual with a woman, and only really one man. Do you guys think experience is important in deciding your sexuality?
I don't think so. It goes back to those debates/jokes "how do you know you're not gay if you haven't tried it" and stuff like that, which I don't think make much sense. A lot of people (i.e. young people) have zero experience with either sex, yet still know how they identify. It really boils down to what you're feeling and whether you attribute that to being something strong or maybe just a whim. I honestly am not the biggest fan of labels, so without them, there's nothing really to decide, you can just be with who you want to be with and not have to turn things into absolutes.
  #4348    
Old February 10th, 2014 (4:48 PM).
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Shhmew, I don't think experience is necessary. You can know who or what you find attractive before being in any relationships. It's how you know who you want to go for in the first place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Flushed View Post
I honestly am not the biggest fan of labels, so without them, there's nothing really to decide, you can just be with who you want to be with and not have to turn things into absolutes.
That is very good advice, and I wish I would've heard it some years ago.
  #4349    
Old February 17th, 2014 (10:49 PM).
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Shhmew Shhmew is offline
 
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My low activity senses were tingling. D:

Thanks for the words. It makes sense. I don't like labels either, but I use them anyway because people are curious. When others question my sexuality I never know what to tell them. I guess it's not really their business anyway though .-.
F L O A T like a Butterfree, S T I N G like a Beedrill!
  #4350    
Old February 17th, 2014 (11:39 PM).
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Flushed Flushed is offline
never eat raspberries
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I admit labels are helpful when explaining to others, by condensing things down a bit, but when it comes to yourself, they can be rather restricting/inaccurate. Not always, but in many cases. And definitely, you're not obligated to have to explain yourself.
 
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