The Pokemon Trainer Academy (OOC) (NEW!)

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

UPDATE: I derp'd pretty hard and forgot that people can, y 'know, apply as teachers and other staff. I've now restored that functionality to the roleplay. Everyone is now allowed to play 1 teacher on top of any students they play. (That teacher is also allowed to be their primary character if they wish, meaning we now have 16 total possible roleplayer spots in the roleplay.)

[Nideous]

lol, I think I'll stick with Brian and Quincy thank you. XD But that's nice to know.

[Fuyu]

Same I don't trust myself with education. XP

[Aquataris]

So am I accepted or are we still working on it?

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

Unfortunately, after trying to help you see what's wrong with the app several issues have still not been corrected including the overall shortness and grammar issues, as well as sentence structure.

It would seem that the literary level of the RP is a bit too high. I'm sorry, but I can't accept you.

[chef30]

Do I have to update my team? Lol, just kidding.

Hmm... I'll consider making an SU for a teacher. But it I had to teach something other than pokemon, let's just say the students would be smarter than me lol.

By the way, I posted asking about the poke-security thing. What do I do?

[Nideous]

Hide your pikachu in your bag? I'm not sure what you were asking about, but if it had to do with getting your pikachu through the metal detectors, then just hide it in a bag, as that is how Thyme got through with Mark.

[chef30]

Ok, Lol. Already did that. Poor Sparks in my cramped and not too clean bag hanging from a shouder strap lol.

[Nideous]

At least Sparks doesn't have to deal with a prankster Sableye hiding in the bag too.

[chef30]

True that. But did you see how small Hailey's bag is? I don't think Sparks is going to have a Tail when he gets out XD

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

By the way, Chef30. You asked in the IC about being able to talk to pokemon a while back. (Sorry for not responding! For future references, you should probably ask any question here in the OOC)

You can do that, but just keep in mind that if too many people do, it will get silly as that's supposed to be an extremely rare ability.

[chef30]

Oh ok. Thank you. When do we get off the boat?

[Nideous]

We're already getting off the boat and onto a train.

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

Nideous is correct. No big deal though. c: The train hasn't left or anything. Just have Hailey get her stuff through security and onto that train. x3

[Aquataris]

So am I getting Accepted yet? or can I improve it more?

Wait!


Give me 1 more chance say exactly what you want me to do, quote the bits 1 more chance, If you don't except another of my good characters your gonna loose my respect because people just don't see the character behind the writing. If you have seen the character behind the writing and think it is a good idea I think you should not deny them, Unless you have done everything in your power to help, fine Deny, but you haven't, As a Future GM I promise people I will see the Character behind the writing.

[SelenaStar]

...aquataris, the poor grammar and spelling in that post kind of proves what Yellow was saying. I resent your accusation that she hasnt done 'everything in her power to help' - I know Yellow and she goes above and beyond her responsibilities to try help role-players improve.

And there is no such thing as a character behind the writing. The character is expressed through the writing. And if the writing is poor, then the character development will be also.

If your standard isn't high enough, that's your problem and not hers. Please don't attack her because you're annoyed.

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

Originally Posted by Aquataris

If you don't except another of my good characters your gonna loose my respect

...

Originally Posted by Aquataris

Unless you have done everything in your power to help, fine Deny, but you haven't

The problem is not your character. The problem is the grammar. It's... not within my power to teach English. You should type your posts here as if you were expecting them to be graded by an english teacher, however.

Originally Posted by Aquataris

Give me 1 more chance

Fine...

In your old app, the personality field was slightly under 4 lines. It needs to be at least approximately 5 lines.

Your history met the length requirement, but you've continuously tried to say way too much in way too little words, it's very awkward to read.

I'm now going to copy paste your app and make corrections in purple. Since the personality and history were the only parts where grammar and the like is being judged, those are the only parts I will be reviewing.

It will be up to you to fix the app after that.

Corrections on Aquataris' app

Spoiler:

Personality (How does your character act? Do people enjoy being around you?): A playful little person(Who is a playful little person? Missing subject and verb.). Who is energetic most of the time("Who" should be replaced with his name.) (There should be a comma after "time") but if you challenge him he wont give up,(This comma should be a period.) He is kind to people who help him and is well-mannered.

He is scared of darkness, he likes the colour gray, (There needs to be an "and" here.) He(Should not be capitalized.) puts(This verb causes the sentence to feel awkward.) a joyful feel in the air when he pounces(This verb also causes awkwardness, as it is being taken literally.) into rooms. He (There should be an "is" here.) also sweet when needed, he is(Very awkward and unnecessary when making lists. You only need to set the subject once unless it changes.) very jokey and he(Once again, only need to set the subject once.) has a phobia of flying types, he has a kind of short temper.(This should probably be its own sentence complete with period and capital letter. Otherwise, it is awkward because it's in a list of otherwise good traits. You also stated the subject unnecessarily again.)

He is not really a hard workers(Workers is plural, but he is just one person.), he(Unnecessary subject statement) easily understand and sympathize with others sometimes,(There either needs to be an "and" after this comma or it needs to be a period.) he is not completely selfless(There should be a period here.) he likes P(Should not be capitalized)okémon very much.

History (Where did you grow up? Why you decided to go to the trainer school? Family? Etc..): When he was little his parents didn't like him very much,(Should be a period) h(Thus, this h should be capitalized to go with it.)e was not spoilt but he was an only child.(This is not relevant to the fact that he was not spoiled. Therefore, it should be it's own sentence.) His cousin was the closest loving relative,(This is an incomplete sentence. It should also end with a period, or else it is awkward.) he gave him some money and gave him a P(Should not be capitalized)okéball in private when he went to Sake's home last July.(You said way too much in too little words. You should explain why for instance.)

When he was 9 he ran into the tall grass and fell over, (A list requires three or more items. Otherwise you just use "and".) suddenly noticed the(This should be "an") Eevee(You should only capitalize a pokemon's species if it's being used as that pokemon's name. You do not capitalize the word dog in a sentence unless your dog is named dog. Same concept.) after looking up(There should be a period here.) i(Capitalize)t nudged him,(This comma should be a period.) Sake looked up and saw the wild pokémon. It purred and looped around him(The verb is extremely awkward and the sentence is overall very vague. When I try to imagine this sentence my spine cringes.) "Hey..." Sake felt a pang in his left leg,(This should be a period) h(Capitalize)e rolled up his trousers and saw a cut,(Should either be a period or replaced with "and". If replaced with and you must make the last and following item less awkward. For instance "and the eevee saw it as well" sounds a lot less awkward.) the Eevee(Not being used as a name. Shouldn't be capitalized.) saw this.

It ran away and then a minute later a Chancy came and healed the cut(Saying too much in too little words. It makes it sound awkward. Try using more words to say the same thing in order to make the sentence less awkward.), this Chansey was wild!(This is saying too much in too little words... Consider explaining how he could tell it was wild.) t(This should have been capitalized)he Eevee(Should not be capitalized.) looked up at him,(Should be a period) Sake remembered about the P(Should not be capitalized)okéball,(Should be a period) h(Capitalize)e saw how they were used..(Saying too much in too little words. You need to explain why he decided to put the pokeball on the floor.) He sat the P(Should not be capitalized)okéball open on the floor(Also too much in too little words. Consider describing what he was thinking when he did this, or what he was hoping for.),(Should be a period) the P(Should not be capitalized)okémon went over to it and made it self get captured, he got up and took the P(Should not be capitalized)okéball and ran to the P(Should not be capitalized)okémon Center(Missing a period here)

He gave it(This is awkward. It should probably be replaced with "the pokeball") to the Nurse and explained what happened(Should be a period here) "Strange Indeed,(Should be a period)"(You neglected to say who was speaking, which is important when controlling multiple characters.) She sat down and searched the P(Should not be capitalized)okédex " I have never seen this happened before... Maybe it just likes you."(Once again, you should state who is speaking.) He took it and got home where his Mother and Father were having a row, so he crept towards his best friend's house and explained it all(Saying too much in too little words. Try using more words to make it sound less awkward. Consider specifically stating who he explained 'it all' to.).

"Wow totally cool!" John said as he stroked Eevee,(This should be a period. Also, the word "Eevee" before this is an example of the right time to capitalize because it's being used as a name.) "Return, Mate(There should be a period here.)" Sake said to his Evee,(This should be a period.) he went home and then his Mother sent him to bed for being late, and(You can't use "and" twice in a row. In this case there should just be a period there because otherwise the sentence would really be running a little too far.) the N(Should not be capitalized)ext morning,(This should be a space)I(Should not be capitalized)t was his 10th Birthday. h(Should be capitalized)is Mother and Father had another row,(Should be a period) h(Capitalize)is Mother threw a chair at his Father knocking him unconscious and most likely giving him a concussion, so he ran down the road,(Should be a period.)

He ran over to the docks and he took what ever money his cousin gave him and bought a ticket and then an hour later he landed swiftly ran down the several twisty roads he saw the academy and looked at his P(Should not be capitalized)okéball Yeah! He scampered in a enrolled.(This entire part right here is trying to say way too much in /way/ too little words. Why did he go to the docks?How did he decide he was going to go to the academy? Why did he decide he was going to go to the academy? You also just sort of left half of the old sentence in from when you didn't realize the academy was an island. That looks pretty awkward.)

[Aquataris]

Sorry I fell Asleep in the midde of doing it andlost my progress will do again.

[TrainerGiza]

May i reserve a teacher spot?
i will definitely have my su up by tomorrow.

[Nideous]

Hold on a moment, didn't you used to be in this way back when I first joined? Heh, small world. :D

[Aquataris]

I fixed the History still working on personality. get it done today.

[PkMnTrainer Yellow]

Of course you may, TrainerGiza. c: You're rerserved.

@Aquataris: Okay.

[Aquataris]

I'm Done! Perfect! And more!

[TrainerGiza]

Originally Posted by Nideous

Hold on a moment, didn't you used to be in this way back when I first joined? Heh, small world. :D

baha yes i did join it when it first started~
i'm surprised you remember. xD

[Nideous]

XD That's funny! I remember because when you left your character was about to kick Brian's butt for running into her. Heh, nice to see you again. :D