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Old September 16th, 2011 (10:19 AM).
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Dragovian98 Dragovian98 is offline
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Before I begin, i have to say any criticisms about anything in this story, and reviews, thoughts, would be appreciated so much. I would love to have the chance to develop as a writer. Anyway, lets get started.


It all began not with a grand adventure, or a great discovery, but with an act of mischievous disobedience. A young boys curiousness may very well have launched him into the grandest adventure of all time. It was a calm night. Nothing different, just an ordinary day. Right in the middle of summer. It was night, but you wouldn't believe it. The sun still shone down on the land, as children played happily on the streets. Adults were content to chat at home with loved ones. But one boy wasn't content with any of this. He wanted some fun.

Marcus was awoken with a thud. He rubbed sleep from his eyes, looking confused around his messy room. Thud. Again. Now he knew he hadn't imagined it. Marcus soon realised it was coming from the window, which was odd. He clambered out of bed, stumbling over some old broken toys, and dirty clothes which had been left from the night before. Thud. Marcus wished he could have one night in which he could just relax. Was he not even allowed a nap?


"I'm coming!!!"Marcus exclaimed in rage. He finally opened his curtains. Upon opening the window, Marcus was hit in the face with a football.

"What the hell was that for?"Marcus shouted, as he scanned down his garden. There, a greasy black-haired boy sjirachied, his body convulsing with sheer laughter. Marcus didn't see the humour in the situation. Marcus knew this boy as his best friend Tom.

"Marcus, remember what we planned earlier?"Tom inquired, standing awkwardly. Marcus stood thinking for a moment, then realized what the adolescent was actually talking about.

"The forest?"Marcus confirmed with a yawn. Tom nodded in delight, as the sun set on the horizon.

"Hurry, Marcus, before your parents find out you're gone"Tom replied. The forest was a dangerous place, wild Pokemon inhabited it. And not like Pidgey's or Ratattas, but more vicious Pokemon. Like Garchomp, or Dragonite. Obviously Marcus and Tom's parents did not agree with them exploring the forest, but the boys were itching for some fun.

Marcus climbed out his window, onto the roof of his outer house. He then jumped from their, and rolled onto the grass. The boys made their way out the garden ,ad along the street.

Tom gave Marcus a sly grin. Marcus at first didn't know what Tom was smiling at, but then he realised. Across the road was Kelly Brookes, the most popular girl in the school. She looked at the two pale faced, spotty, and scabby boys. She burst into laughter. And so did all her friends.

Ashamed, Marcus and Tom continued on to the forest. Tom was first to enter, pulling a branch back into a forest clearing. The boys had actually never seen a Pokemon in this place, but they had heard the horror stories. As they went further in, they reached a stone archway, it looked like it had worn away over the years.

"Was this here yesterday?"Marcus mused, puzzled. He definitely didnt remember seeing this when they had entered the forest the day before. Marcus waited for Tom to reply. No reply came. all that Marcus heard, was a soft growl in his right ear. He jumped with fright, and turned around. A Garchomp, fresh blood dripping from its rotting teeth. Tom lay in a pool of blood behind the Pokemon, completely still and cold. Marcus had never ran away from anywhere faster in his life.

As Marcus ran, he tripped over something. A piece of stone, with strange markings on it. It also had a very faint bloodstain imprinted on it. Thinking it odd, Marcus picked it up and continued running. He escaped from the forest, and ran, tears in his eyes, into his street.

The night had truly settled in now, moonlight draped over the land. Marcus' clothes were ripped, leaves were caught in his hair, he was covered in dirt, blood, and who knew what else. This was a dead giveaway to his parents when he entered his house, that he wasn't where he should have been.

His parents turned to him, questions floating in their mind. They didn't get a chance to say anything, because Marcus spoke first.

"Tom's Dead"

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Old September 17th, 2011 (1:42 AM).
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Dragovian98 Dragovian98 is offline
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Remember to leave a reply, and tell me what I can improve on!

Chapter 1- The True Beginning

An air of tension swept over Marcus' living room. It crept through everyone, slowly, like a thief in the night. Disbelief swarmed Marcus' brain. Tom couldn't be dead. It just wasn't possible, his best friend, killed. Marcus burst into tears, his mother standing up straight away to give him a hug.

"Marcus, just tell us what happened"his mother prodded, still unsure what was actually going on. Marcus told his parents everything, from how he had snuck out his bedroom window, going into the forest, and finally how Tom died. Marcus' dad was suspicious.

"Um... Marcus..."his father began, as he looked into the eyes of Marcus' mother.

"That stone you have in your hand"Marcus looked down. He had actually forgotten all about the stone.

And then it hit him. what his father meant. the bloodstain on the stone, sure his own father didn't suspect him of..

"Marcus, that story is a flat out lie"his father stated, as Marcus felt the tears begin to fill his eyes.

"The bloodstain on that stone... did you kill him Marcus?"his father questioned. Marcus was stunned. This pointed to him murdering his best friend. But there was no way he would do that. Marcus did get annoyed at Tom a lot, but he never had the urge to kill the young boy. Not once.

"Dad, how could you say that?!"Marcus roared.

"I don't know who's blood this is, but its certainly not Tom's!"Marcus explained how he found the bloodstained stone, but his Dad just shook his head.

"Honey, call 911"Marcus' father called to his mum. His mum hesiteated, but she made the call. Marcus cried, and it wasn't long before he was taken to the police station...


Garchomp chewed slowly, breathing heavily. Human flesh, it never got old. Garchomp knew that rarely were any humans stupid enough to enter his forest, after all, he stood at the gateway to the Pokemon's own realm.

You see, the Pokemon who live in the human realm, for whatever reason, have been banished. If a Pokemon's parents were banished, that Pokemon has to prove their worth to return to their homeland. Lately however, the Pokemon realm had gone haywire. Rogue Pokemon had been sneaking into the Human realm. And not rogue like the ones they meant to banish in the Human Realm. The Pokemon semed to have a plan, and they seemed to have a leader.

A cold air descended on the forest clearing as Garchomp finished his meal. As the last few drops of blood dripped from Garchomp's mouth, he sensed a prescence behind him. He turned, but a shadowy figure took him down before he could react. Garchomp squirmed, as he descended into death...

At the Police Station...

Marcus sat in a jail cell. What should have been a fun summer's afternoon had took a turn for the worst. His best friend, killed, and he was the prime suspect. Marcus was still in possession of the strange stone. Whose bloodstain was this? Marcus knew it wasn't Tom's, but something about the area of the forest they were in didn't seem right. Marcus had went that deep into the forest plenty of times, but he had never come across that particular clearing once. Policemen barged into his cell, shouting.

Marcus jumped up, alarmed at the sudden breach of peace. As the police entered his cell, they began to explain what was happening.

"Pokemon have breached the town wallls, we are done for, get out of here"one police man said. The other opened his mouth to speak, but before any noise could come from him, he was wrestled to the ground by an Electrivire. The other police man snapped out a pistol, but he too was brought down. The Electrivire then turned to Marcus. And then it noticed the stone.

"Ha, the boss will be very pleased..."the Electrivire muttered.

Marcus was stunned yet again in the day. Did the Electrivire just speak? What the hell was wrong with the world?

As the Pokemon charged, Marcus rolled to the side, sending the Electrivire crashing into a wall. Marcus raced out the cell door, which had been left open by the policemen, and sprinted up to the lobby.

What he was met with, was not a good sight. In fact, it was the worse sight the boy had ever been confronted with in his lifetime.

Bodies. Dead bodies all thrown violently around the lobby. The lobby was white when Marcus entered the Police Station, but now it was pure red. With blood.

Marcus opened the door to go outside. The sky had literally turned red too. Sirens went off everywhere, the streets seemed to have turned into an all out war zone. Marcus still realised he was holding the stone. And apparently all the Pokemon did too.

Before Marcus could act, he was surrounded. Charizards, Dragonites, Garchomp, they all surrounded him. Then, a Pokemon he had never seen before. It was as black as the night sky. It flew into the air, and actually began laughing.

"Finally, the stone, the last link to the Human World, as long as its destroyed, no Pokemon can interfere as we take over this place"the Pokemon announced, forcing all the other Pokemon to cheer.

Marcus felt like his brain was going to explode. There was too much information to take in. And all crammed into the space of 24 hours.What was happening, All the Pokemon closed in on him. The one that spoke earlier began to speak again.

"Sorry you got caught up in this kid, but sacrifices must be made"Marcus hoped that he could just escape. Just go away. None of this could possibly be real. As he thought to homself, the Stone began to glow.

"Damn!"the Pokemon shouted.

"Charge! NOW!"it ordered.

But at that moment, a beam of light shot into the air, and Marcus disappeared.

And re-appeared somewhere else. But not as his usual form. No way. As a Snivy.

Marcus screamed.

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Old September 21st, 2011 (9:09 AM).
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Dragovian98 Dragovian98 is offline
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Chapter 2- Waterstone

Thunder roared through the Pokemon realm. News had recently came to light of the Human Realm's destruction. The dastardly Pokemon, Darkrai, had achieved his goal of world domination. The humans had been driven out, and the world was abuzz with rumours of Darkrai's evil plans. Some even said he was planning to attack the Pokemon Realm. One Pokemon that didn't seem to care was Shinx. Her friends called her Lecty, which she guessed derived from the word 'electric.' She didn't believe for a minute that Darkrai planned to attack, as he had tried and failed before. Shinx clambered out of bed, and opened her window. Not a cloud in the sky. Shinx smiled, excited about the day. She left her house to go to the shops.

Some Pokemon were not as optimistic. One Pokemon, was Marcus. He had not been a Pokemon near as long as Shinx, but he had by now accepted he would just have to get used to it. Marcus, after accepting this fact, began to take in his surroundings. All around him was forest. Sure, it was a beautiful sight, lush plants growing everywhere and all, but he didn't have time to admire the scenery. He had to find a way out the forest. He crawled through the dirt, and he seemed to be a natural forest explorer. He gussed it was because he had been changed into a grass type. Marcus had always liked the Pokemon Snivy, so being changed into one wasn't as bad as he thought. Marcus had been going on for hours, and he was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. Surely there was some civilization around? Marcus was correct when he asked himself that, as he found civilization pretty quickly. However, it was not in the form he expected.

The villagers were Pokemon. And they could all talk. They had built houses. And shops. And there was not a human in sight. Marcus froze, as he realized he was no longer in his world. He was in a world with no humans, no technology, and Pokemon could talk. He decided the village was where he had to be. His only chance for survival. He noticed a marketplace that split down the middle of the village, maybe he could ask around there for some help.

Lecty was also at the village marketplace, admiring some of the goods the shopkeepers had for sale. The atmosphere in the marketplace changed when a battered, bruised, dirty, and exhausted Snivy slowly limped throgh the town. Everyone stopped and looked at the Pokemon, sjirachis coming from some members of the crowd. Then the Pokemon stopped and looked around, and as it opened its mouth to speak, collapesed to the ground. Everyone gathered round the Pokemon, as Lecty pushed her way through the crows.

"Stand back everyone"Lecty asked, as her fur pulsated with energy. Everyone stood back, as Lecty charged up her power. She unleashed it on the collapsed Snivy in an attempt to wake him up. the Snivy grumbled, and Lecty's effort was to no avail. She sighed, some nut of a Pokemon entered the village from the nearby forest everyday. And she always seemed to be the one who took care of them. She dragged the snivy of to her house to take care of it.

Marcus awoke with a fright. All he remembered was collapsing in the marketplace due to exhaustion. Marcus looked around, and he soon realized he was in of these Pokemon's homes.

"Hello?"he questioned, still getting used to his new vocal cords. Marcus heard no answer, as he put his head back down. He thought about all the events that had lead up to hear, The forest, the Garchomp, Tom's death, and the mysterious stone... The stone!

Where was it? Marcus could not remember having it since he became a Snivy. Ah well, the stone just brung bad luck with it anyway. Marcus heard a slam, as he opened his eyes. a shinx stood in the doorway, as it dumped some groceries on the table. It smiled warmly at him, and all Marcus could do was smile back.

"Ah, you're awake!"Lecty said hapilly, as she moved over to the Snivy. Lecty laughed heartily, as she unpacked the groceries.

"You were out cold for a few days, i brung you back here until you got better"she told him. she finished unpacking, and walked over to the Snivy.

"So what's your name?"Lecty asked.

"Marcus, and you are?"Marcus replied, wiping sleep from his eyes.

"I'm Lecty"Lecty replied. "You look confused about something"she continued.

"I am"Marcus replied.

"Well I'm here, Pokemon have to help each other out"

"Except i'm not a Pokemon"

Lecty erupted with laughter at the obviously delusional Pokemon. But Marcus seemed deadly serious.

"Oh, then what are you?"Lecty asked sarcastically.

"A human"Marcus replied. again, a fit of laughter. Marcus told Lecty the whole story.

"So, you are the last remaining human..."Lecty began, as Marcus jumped out his bed.

"What the hell are you on about?!"Marcus roared. Was this Pokemon honestly telling the truth? When those Pokemon attacked his town, did they go on to take over the world?

"The Human Realm belongs to an evil Pokemon called Darkrai now"Lecty told Marcus.

"Ten years ago, Darkrai used Dialga, the Guardian of Time, in an effort to freeze the world. His plan was thwarted by a group of explorers, but he was left alive, and escaped through a Temporal Portal. I suppose he ended up in the Human realm, with his memory intact..."Lecty explained. Marcus had heard something about how clocks had slowed considerably ten years ago, but he didn't think anything of it. Who knew it was such a big problem?

"Where are we anyway?"Marcus asked.

"Ah, of course, i welcome you to Waterstone Village!"

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Old September 22nd, 2011 (4:24 AM).
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bwburke94 bwburke94 is offline
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PMD2 reference... awesome! Oh, and it's spelled Electivire with one R. You gotta remember the 10-character limit...

3DS Friend Code: 0645-5804-7602
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Old October 8th, 2011 (1:34 PM).
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Dragovian98 Dragovian98 is offline
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Sorry for not posting in a while, computer in to get repaired as it had viruses.

Chapter 3 Murder

With the human realm conquered, the Pokemon were left to wonder what would become of their own realm. Whispers of Darkrai's return filled Waterstone through the night, as Marcus and Lecty slept silently. One Pokemon that wasn't sleeping silently was Hitmonchan. Hitmonchan was a Pokemon past his time, once one of the greatest warriors to ever live. He purged what remained of Darkrai's evil followers after Darkrai himself was gone. He felt ashamed, as he had no quite managed to wipe the evil from his world completely.

Hitmonchan lay in his old bed. He could not get a wink of sleep. All he wanted to do was lie down, he didn't want to move his old bones. He let out a raspy cough, his throat feeling like sand paper. He decided to go fetch a glass of water. He pulled the covers of off him. And slowly stepped on the crusty, creaky floorboards. He hobbled to his kitchen, and turned on the tap.

Hitmonchan heard a slam. As if his door had just been closed. He wiggled his finger inside his ear, cursing his terrible hearing that had arrived with his old age. Deep in thought, Hitmonchan had forgot to turn the tap off, and his cup of water had now spilled everywhere. He sighed, and hobbled back to his bed. Hitmonchan froze. He could have swore he heard someone in the other room, rummaging about. Himonchan ignored it again, and exit his kitchen. As he turned to the stairs, he felt a presence behind him. The old man turned around, dropping his cup of water. It shattered on the floorboards, as Hitmonchan was struck over the head, and battered by an unknown Pokemon. Hitmonchan faded into unconsciousness.

Morning came, and Lecty was out on a walk. She was selling some goods door to door, hoping to earn some money. It payed for her house, food and al the luxuries she had available to her. Lecty arrived to her favourite customers house, old man Hitmonchan. A true hero from the past, he'd shot into fame. He was a lovely guy, but as Lecty arrived at his house she stood confused. The door was ajar ever so slightly. She knocked politely, with no answer. She pondered whether she should go home or try again. Maybe he had went out to the Market and left his door open? Lecty was at this point, concerned. She decided to go in.

She slowly crept in. As she progressed to the hallway, a shard from a shattered cup was lying on the floor. This was definitely odd now. If he had dropped it, Hitmonchan would have certainly picked it up. Lecty Thurber to the stairs, to see Hitmonchan lying on the stairs, dead. A piece of paper lay next to the old war hero. Lecty was on auto pilot at this point, she was too shocked to talk. The piece of paper read:

Let this be a warning to all who appose the Dark Lord,
This frail old man has, and dark grip of death has taken him

Lecty clutched the note tightly, anger filling her body. She had to alert the police. But she was scare for her own safety. She would first find Marcus.

Marcus awoke to find the bed across from him empty. Lecty left him here. How rude was she? Marcus stepped out his bed, and searched the house for his new friend. No sign on anything. As he made breakfast, Lecty bursted through the front door.

"Just leave me here then?"

"Not the time Marcus."

"What's wrong?"

"There has been a murder"

Marcus realised the urgency of the situation immediately.

"So get the police then?"Marcus shivered.

"I don't think the police can handle this..."


Lecty handed Marcus the note she found. Marcus realised what she meant. It seemed like Darkrai had been preparing to return.

Marcus and Lecty decided to go to the police station in the end. Lecty spent the day bring questioned, and Hitmonchan's house was being investigated. Darkrai's return was imminent.

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Old October 10th, 2011 (8:28 AM). Edited November 12th, 2011 by Dragovian98.
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Dragovian98 Dragovian98 is offline
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Quote originally posted by bwburke94:
PMD2 reference... awesome! Oh, and it's spelled Electivire with one R. You gotta remember the 10-character limit...
Thanks for the reply :) loved PMD2, and i wasn't exactly sure how to spell Electivire. thanks for clearing that up. Anyway, lets get a new chapter

Chpater 4 The First Battle

Marcus and Lecty were extremely tired after a long day of police questioning. Hitmonchan's death was the talk of the town, along with the possible return of Darkrai and his minions. Marcus and Lecty were focused on one thing: returning to Hitmocnhan's house to help in any way they could. Well, it was more Lecty, Marcus was just being dragged into the situation like a screaming child.

When the pair arrived at the crim scene, police were swarming around the house at an alarming pace. Hitmonchan's corpse had been replaced by a white taped outline, but the rest of the crime scene had remained pretty much untouched.

Marcus and Lecty didn't really know how to begin helping.

"Well?"Marcus quizzed, standing around awkwardly. Lecty just stood. Was there really anything they could do? At the end of the day, they were two teenage Pokemon, not even evolved yet, trying to help out at the murder scene of a war hero. They were incredibly out of their depth.

Lecty sighed. "There really isnt a way to he-"her sentence was cut short by vicious fighting and shouting.

As Lecty and Marcus turned to the front door, several police officers lay on the ground. A Kadabra had arrived, and he didn't seem friendly,

"Everyone freeze"he commanded, nobody dared to move an inch. "All uncovered evidence will be given to me, or there will be fatal consequences..."This Kadabra was obviously the killer. Lecty's fur buzzed with anger. Marcus knew what she was about to do. She was going to try and stop him from destroying the evidence of his crime.

Lecty leapt forward ferociously before Marcus could stop her. Kadabra anticipated this attack, and before she reached him, he used his psychic powers to throw her against a nearby wall. Marcus instantly thought to help her, but if he moved, there was a chance he would end up the same.

Kadabra began laughing. As police officers handed the evidence over to him, Marcus became angrier and angrier. He couldn't let this happen, could he? He hadn't ever been in a fight in his life, and he had barely grown use to his body yet. Could he really take on a cold-blooded killer? He knew the answer was no, but he couldn't let this happen. Even worse, the note Lecty found proved Kadabra was one of Darkrai's followers. Darkrai was beginning to make moves towards conquering the Pokemon Realm.

All the evidence had been handed over. Kadabra was beginning to teleport away. Lecty still lay unconscious. Marcus readied his tail, and with all his might, dived and slashed it in Kadabra's face.

This delayed Kadabra's teleportation, and stunned him. Marcus didn't let up, and attempted to tackle Kadabra to the ground.

This time however, Kadabra was ready for the attack. He easily threw Marcus aside, and advanced on him.

"Kid, Hitmonchan life is at an end, i won't hesitate to end yours too"

A spark of electricity shot up from Lecty'd body. With the last bit of her strength, She zapped Kadabra. Kadabra hunched over, as Marcus stood up and tackled him again.

Kadabra wad sprawled along the floor, but he still had fight left in him. Before the police could advance on him, he teleported away, still holding some of the evidence.

Marcus fainted.

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Old October 14th, 2011 (9:44 AM).
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Harebrained Harebrained is offline
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I read your prologue, and I'll hopefully be back later to read a few more parts. Since you mentioned wanting feedback, a couple of things...

"I'm coming!!!"Marcus exclaimed in rage.

With exclamation points, it just looks much more professional if you use the normal amount. In this case, just one. A lot of small things can distract people while they're reading, so while proper punctuation might not seem like the most important thing at the time, taking several minutes to go back over your work can help it flow much more smoothly.

"I'm coming!" Marcus exclaimed in rage.

I was surprised that you chose to make Tom's death so brief. Not that I expect oodles of gore in a Pokemon story, but if you want to strike fear or sadness into a reader then it's a good idea to pick and choose which scenes get extra attention. Just as a thought, they could have been sneaking around and found some spooky stuff before being separated, and when Marcus hears something behind him that he presumes is Tom, he actually comes face-to-face with the Garchomp and has a horrified inner monologue all the way home. It's a really quickie example that probably wouldn't spook anyone too much itself, but I hope you understand what I'm getting at.


You can't always have happiness, but you can always give happiness. ~Author Unknown
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