I have given a lot of thought about what you told me a few weeks ago. This is my answer.
I intend to astound this world someday. To that end I seek ultimate power. They say that knowledge is equivalent to power. As a mathematician I utilize the Light of logic. I analyse details with sound reasoning and suppress my feelings when dealing with situations and making decisions, rather than being impulsive and acting recklessly on emotions.
Powerful as the Light is, it diminishes when obscurity is involved. Scenarios arise where logic cannot be used to its full potential or even at all as the case may be. Where there is overwhelming ambiguity or doubt, it comes down to instincts to aid in survival. As a martial artist I embrace the perception of Darkness. It allows me to endeavour in situations where logic falters. In a battle it is the instincts and perceptions that I use to overcome my opponents, though it can be a mixture of both the Light of logic and the perception of Darkness. At times the Darkness within is so great that I can anticipate an event that will transpire before it actually comes to pass. However sometimes it can be so overbearing that I lose control and just explode into a blackened rage, though this has not happened in a long time. Controlling and mastering the Darkness makes one a stronger person. The same is true with the Light of logic.
The heart is easily manipulated, confounded and deceived. The mind when trained both logically and instinctively sees things truly for what they are. A powerful mind will not miss even the faintest of details but at the same time, can analyse the bigger picture, which opens new possibilities to explore and consider. For only with such a frame of mind, can the world move forward towards a greater future.
You have changed my way of thinking and I thank you for challenging me in such a manner for I believe I have learnt a lifelong lesson. I will take the best of both worlds and walk onward with my head held high.
"Power through ambition." - Overlord Drakow Forum Set // Pair
Seriously. If you're going to say something that only going to contradict YOURSELF, don't say it. It makes you look stupid. Like, yeah. And at least I'm TRYING to be happy, unlike you who keeps on looking at the negatives. I wish you could just even LOOK at yourself before looking at me. At least, maybe you would change the way you say it... I won't feel so bad like this. If you would at least have included yourself... *sighs*
Loumee's dead? Aw. Can we put him in an egg coffin? And then give him a proper burial? Can we? Or do we just leave him there? Come on... Can we bury the egg? :<
Sorry if I'm posting too much on here. :P
How did you get to be a caster? I'm really jealous, but I know I'm way too shy to do something like that so I should just stop dreaming. I'm sure that my only chances of getting close to knowing you is through a pub game... which sucks.
Mr. Scratch, who is played by Ilkka Villi.... Ilkka what? Who the hell?
It might be forever before you hear my voice again. This one, here in my heart. You'll hear, with your ears, my physical voice, when I say good morning and ask for help. When I tell you they my week was fine, and that I'm doing alright. When I ask you how your day went, when I smile awkwardly because that's all I know how to do. I know you mean well. I had took a whole day to write you one day, but I couldn't send you the note. And it seems that I missed out when you gave me my last chance. I don't think you'll ever receive it. I'm sorry that I couldn't tear down my wall enough. I'm sorry that I assumed that somehow you already knew my happiness and that I could never put it into words. The only thing that I could share with you was my pain, and I never found words to explain my happiness. That must've hurt you, right? I apologize. Please understand, though, that I don't trust easily. Don't take me for granted. I know you're used to not being around, but soon I won't be either. I'll become an ojou-san before you know it. I'm going to become someone who doesn't cower, someone who doesn't hide, someone who uses their skills. However, if you want to call me 'friend', then you'll have to stop pretending to be mr. cool. I'm not going to chase after you. I won't follow you. I won't ask you for anything. You don't get to deny me my existence without consequence.
Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for coming to my rescue. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for giving me a time in the fairy tale world that I always wished for. Thank you.
I'm sorry that I was never able to support you the same way. I'm sorry that I never could rescue you. I'm sorry that my kindness was so small. I'm sorry that I didn't brighten your life the same way. I'm sorry.
They say time heals wounds. I don't know how to use that time in any other way, so I'll listen to your words and become better. But.. I'll also forget you. You're just another human being - same as me. No one super special. No one of real importance. For a year. Or until you do something yourself. The box is locked.
So, you are in a relationship already. That was kind of a surprise to me, I would have never guessed it if I hadn't seen it last Thursday. But it's also no surprise that someone likes you, such a pretty, nice and smart girl you are and stuff. I just find a bit... odd... the way you talk to me, like you are interested or something. But it's alright. It's not like I'll stop trying, because I don't give up that easily. Actually it only made me say "CHALLENGE ACCEPTED". Because, you know, pain is temporary, but victory lasts forever. And also because I think I may be more of a boss than him.
I don't know if we'll ever meet again. Last time we talked was before Summer holidays, and then POOF, you just vanished. I never talked to you again, and I know of your whereabouts only because a friend told me. I actually enjoyed your company last year, not sure if you did enjoy mine but it seemed like it. Then another jackass came into the equation. None of us won because you played your way out, but alright. It's not like I care about it anymore, I've known other people *ahem* but I would still like to be your friend, talk to you again. We're studying in the same city, c'mon. And some of our close relatives are friends with each other. We spent half the school time last year talking to each other. All of it can't just vanish.
I think the point of an Instant Message conversation is to converse. Not for you to slam me down with a lot of questions and then moving on to another topic before I even answer you. That, or go on and on about something without allowing me to reply. Yeeesh.
You on the other hand could try conversing once and a while. There's no point if you don't even try.
I'd like to say thank you for having me as a co-worker. Y'all were so amazing to work with. I really wish they'd hire me so I can work with you guys a little longer, but it's life. It's my time to move on with my own life and have my new career bloom up. Heck, I'll visit you soon when I get the chance, and maybe buy a computer that I fixed. xD Farewell, and I'll KIT. :)
You're a great friend, but you need to realize that the way you're acting is irritating and borderline immature. If you want to save our friendship, stop beating up on yourself. I know that I hurt you, but I also know how quickly you can move on. My question is- do you want to continue being friends or not?
Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick, but this is the way you're coming across as.
I know you'd tell me I was wrong, but, I don't think I can believe that anymore. You said it yourself what I'm always going to be in the eyes of people who know and I've tried to tell myself that I'm not that to you. You say I'm not... But from comments you've made tonight I don't think that's true... I think now I know the real reason for why it wont work, and it's not what you said, it's because I'm never going to be real, I'll never be the same as them, I'll always be different... I really hoped I could just not need to think about that anymore, I felt that I could just be myself around you, and sure, I can be myself, but you'll never think of me as who I am, you'll think of me as what I am. I've given you nothing but honesty, I don't think you're being honest with me... Please, just think of me as being the same as them, because you're the only one who ever might, I truly hope I'm wrong this time...
Since the conversation hiatus, it seems like life has been throwing silver-lined hardballs in my face one after the other. You better be thankful. I DID do this for your sake after all...
You may have silenced me for now, but I hope that I may have gotten my point across. Instead of looking to troll, maybe I'll go back to actually contributing for once.
I don't know what you did, but I'm kind of thankful that you got the college IP banned from 4chan. One less distraction in life.
Things never change with you. Stay classy.
I honestly hope I'm not disrupting things or making myself look like a fool.
What we once had, is long gone. It's been gone for a while and it's just at the point where it cannot be held onto anymore. It's become a distant memory, yet it comes and goes into my mind. What we had, what we shared, the time we had, all those memories, now just seem like nothing anymore. I don't know why I hold onto these memories, maybe because I cherished what we had, I was true to you, I did everything I could to make you happy, putting your own happiness infront of mine. One by one, I see each person who has been pushed away or has been forgotten by you and even witness the suffering of someone who was once dear to you because of your selfish actions. But as like me, they've learnt to forget. But to forgive? No, I don't think they could ever forgive you. Nor will I ever be able to forgive you for that incident. But it's funny, because of that, it's bought me closer to that person, yet has driven me further away from you. I don't judge you as a person, just your actions and what it had caused and the corruption to go with it. Even though I will still see you, I will just smile and wave as a friendly gesture, but that is all. We won't talk like we use to, so deep into feeling and emotion. I opened my whole world to you, told you things about my life I have never told anyone else, yet the past year or so, slowly my mind has closed up and I started telling you less and started talking to you less. Whether you still care about me or not, it does not concern me anymore, because like you have made me feel, you're just a small figment of my memory now. It's sad to think that all the memories we once shared, are nothing to you anymore, because you have chosen to let go of it all. I don't mean anything to you anymore. You got to where you are, and forgot about everything we had fought for, everything we had done together, everything that has brought you to where you are now. I gave you the choice and I see what you have chosen. I don't want to be apart of your world anymore, I don't want to waste my feelings on someone who couldn't care less about me. Where were you when my life was crumbling into pieces, where were you when I needed someone to talk to, where were you when I needed someone to lean on. I've had enough of it, I've made up my mind. As much as it hurts me to do this, I have no other choice because of how you are now, and I do not want to continue to feel hurt or emotional suffering, asking myself the question, what did I do wrong? You don't know how much it hurts inside to let it all go. Someone I had once cared for so deeply, I have to let go like a drop of rain into the ocean. But I see how I am in your life now, and with this, all I can say is, goodbye and I hope you enjoy your life without me, because I am no longer an importance in your life and I never will be again.
I hope you can forgive me for what I did and put this matter behind us. I treasure our friendship and all the things we've done and been through. And hopefully, what transpired can become one of those incidents that make our bond stronger than ever! <3