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  #1    
Old December 11th, 2011, 01:50 AM
angelomanalo
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Phillipines.
Age: 12
Gender: Male
Nature: Sassy
A story about a Wynaut...
I was in my house walking down the stairs,when my parents were making soup. But that time,I found a portal,jumped in before my parents finished making the soup. And,I found some old ruins with strange languages in them.It started to get foggier,foggier,and foggier.I went deeper in the ruins,and boy it was a bit hot.I traveled,and so far I went deeper. But this time,I dropped down because of quicksand. And It got hotter.It was even hotter,so I started to panic.I went to the fiery chamber,well....it was pretty hot. That time,I was spotted by four Unowns,followed by a Groudon.But then,a Flygon came to rescue me. But suddenly,Groudon used SolarBeam on him!After that,my favorite heroes,the Voltorb Squad,were there to save me.The battle was very explosive. I teleported back home just in time when my parents finished their soup for dinner.The end!
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  #2    
Old December 11th, 2011, 03:06 AM
Palladium's Avatar
Palladium
2012 FTW!
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Brazil, why?
Gender: Male
Nature: Calm
Sorry but, I can’t take this seriously, the description is zero, and so is the character development, you shouldn’t rely on images so much to illustrate what’s going on, specially because some of them, are well of poor quality, but this is something to criticize in the Art Forums.

The plot is weird and wacky, and I’m pretty sure it’s too short to be a fanfic, let alone a novel.

Characters jump out of nowhere, and it’s just tacky. Sorry, the story’s outline is … okay, but you need to work on it, give a reason for Flygon and Voltorb Squad to appear, why is Groundoun angry?

And remember, this is a fanfic / novel meaning you don’t rely on images, if you do it’s a comic.

A plot this short, could be converted to become a poem though.
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  #3    
Old December 13th, 2011, 04:17 PM
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SuperTrainStationH
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Gender: Male
This is something I think would be much stronger in the form of a full fledged sprite comic rather than an illustrated "fanfic".

As fiction, this doesn't hold up well at all unfortunately.

Try it again as a comic and maybe post it on the art section and see where that gets you?
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