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Roleplay Lounge Lounge about in Out-Of-Character discussions linked to individual roleplays. This is the best place to find existing roleplays to join, or create the sign-up thread for a roleplay of your own!

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  #676    
Old November 9th, 2012, 10:03 AM
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
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Guys. I'll be heading out to the mountains like... extremely soon. That being said I'll be lucky to get any internet time and not even phone internet is guaranteed. When I do have phone time, I want to be able to focus on writign an actual post. So. TornZero will have to manage the acceptance of SUs for the time being. I'll be back sometime sunday afternoon'ish.
  #677    
Old November 9th, 2012, 10:46 AM
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TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
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First of all, thanks for coming to the OOC, hotmic. Second, while I do love a good Absol, the SU really needs some fixing up. While the criteria is listed, it doesn't even follow the sign-up template presented; it's missing a lot of necessities, too, and it's much too short. The history also has some major problems, which I'll touch on near the end.

The appearance and personality are both extremely bare. There's no de-fused form (which he needs, since he's still human), and is he a nudist? You didn't describe any clothes, or even glaringly obvious features like hair color. The fusion also needs to be toned down some, as they have to be more human than Pokémon, roughly 70/30 at most — being able to climb like an Absol and have its claws is fine, but his arms shouldn't turn into an Absol's front legs. Also, how is his chest "similar"? An Absol's chest is covered in fur, and that still goes to the 70/30 issue.

Some RPs may also accept a three-word description of someone's personality, but not Fallout, sadly. You need to give us an actual feel for your character's attitude and why he does what he does. This section needs the most expansion, really.

Now, the history is the biggest issue, as Pokémon spirits don't travel the region without a wielder and many things need much better explaining. Pokémon spirits are pretty much Arceus-bound to the giant rock that popped up in Mount Coronet until a kid comes by, and even then another spirit can still get the kid first. Where was the old diary? It'd be nice to have the location, since even Howl likely has little idea where he's going at all. Why was he ambushed? and are they just ridiculously random ruffian adults, or was it an overly elaborate setup by the old man in the Underground with no rhyme or reason? The environment isn't exactly harsh, either — the buildings are kind of just in disrepair while various kinds of plantlife have overgrown in some areas, and reliable food supplies aren't easy to find. Some people resort to cannibalism to stay fit, and others to diminishing foraging attempts and semi-profitable thievery.

Lastly, the opening post, while it does meet the 100 word minimum rule, is also too short to really accept. You're given a lot of free reign with what your character does in the opening post, and having only dialogue means there's hardly any content, which is one of the more important things a sign-up is judged on. If the opening post is awesome, the sign-up can be fairly short as long as it has the required information.

Please take a look at some of the other sign-ups to see what you're missing, and some of the things you can work on; and don't hesitate to ask for help with verification and the like. (That's one of the things a GM is for.)

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.

Last edited by TornZero; November 10th, 2012 at 03:20 PM. Reason: Added links to some of the sign-ups.
  #678    
Old November 9th, 2012, 04:40 PM
hotmic's Avatar
hotmic
Winged Diglett
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Name: Howl Jenkins

Nickname (Optional):

Age (10-13): About 12 and a half (doesn't know as he isn't keeping track of the date)

Sex (Male or Female):Male

Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you so wish.): Minimum of 3 lines if no picture is provided.
i*imgur*com/GL8gg*png (stars are dots)

Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Howl has a hard time warming up to people and is very anti social, he will travel with a group but only if he can not do otherwise. Howl prefers to run rather than fight but if need be he would kill anyone to save another. Howl is feeling guilty about what happened to his brother and feels that it is his fault, he has emotional breakdowns where he can become unpredictable and a danger to himself and whoever happens to be close to him at the time.

History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?):
Howl and his younger brother Koji where regular children just trying to survive . They didn't Know there parents as they where abandoned at the age of 7 (koji was 5). Being the responsible brother Howl looked after Koji best he could but it wasn't enough and Howl looked for jobs in the underground. This is where the story picks up, A shady man sends them on an errand for him to go a retrieve an old diary kept by a scientist that worked with Pokemon in Twinleaf Town, Apparently for a 'Project' of his. Howl asked about the project but was scolded for being nosey. when they had arrived at the building Howl and Koji did some searching and had found many documents that talked about 'trainers' and Pokemon running around in the wild. at last Howl and Koji had found the book and where about to leave Howl looked at the book and the title was 'the pokedex' in writing it stated that this book was to be kept in case of glitches in the pokedex system. They walked out the building and found the man waiting at the entrance with 2 other men, they all had a weapon of some kind and koji was beaten to death and the man ran away with the book.
Howl was carried to the base of Mt coronet by some strangers and was linked with Pokespirit in the attempt to save his life.

Pokespirit (No legendaries. Alternate color schemes are allowed.)
Species:
Absol

Nickname (Optional):

Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): He is serious about everything but he is a reliable ally and will never back down from a fight

Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the moves your character gets when they fuse):
Psycho Cut
Quick Attack
Perish Song
Shadow Ball
Secret Power
Magic Coat

Other (Optional): He also has future sight that he can use kinda like a spider sense.

Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.):

I wake with a aching pain in my head, what had happened? I open my eyes only to find an Absol staring at me. I can't here anything except the humming of silence, I try to stand but find it to be painful so I decide to sit instead. I feel heavy and am hurting all over but my head is the worst.

"You will be fine, I am your Pokemon Spirit. You where found by some passers by, they heard the commotion and bought you here. You and your brother were passed out... are you ok?" The Absol was alarmed.

Pokespirit? I don't understand? Why me? Where's my brother, I should probably find out before I go insane with so many questions

"Yes my brother, Have you seen him he was injured!?" I demanded, knowing it was I who had gotten us into this situation.


"when you were found he had passed on, they did the best they could but it was to late for him. the only way to save you was to link my spirit with yours."

"I cant accept the death of my brother, it must not be true!"

The Absol was staring into my eyes as if to be trying to understand what happened, heck not even i know what happened all I can remember is a book.... I cant remember. I cant think straight because of the pain, im not going to be able to do anything in this condition.

"The pain in my head is to much!"

"I know you have many questions but they will be answered in good time, for now sleep for a little while."

I wake again, as I slept Absol came to me and allowed me to reflect on my situation. I now know that I must go and find out what had happened, I knew it was my fault but what I did was unknown. For now I'm going to start my travel to Eterna City. There I might find information on what had Happened.
  #679    
Old November 13th, 2012, 04:36 PM
Aques Keus's Avatar
Aques Keus
Swaggins
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: The Cave of Hymns
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
College Bound, Mentally Sound.

Frio & Elise || Jayce & Jayce 2
  #680    
Old November 13th, 2012, 05:02 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Send a message via Skype™ to TornZero
Yes, Lucy just outright ate Amethyst. That's one of the totally awesome things about her. Moving on!

Alright, hotmic, the History is still just a huge hole. Sending the kids after a book just to follow and murder them? Please change the story to something else. I believe it'll take much more work to try and get this to make sense (which very possibly won't happen as it is now) than it will making something else up entirely. Also, they were old enough to know their parents — how did a 7 year old not remember his own mother, who raised him? That, almost biologically even, sounds impossible to believe. Maybe Kovu wouldn't remember. Maybe. Why were they abandoned in the first place? Lastly, who was Howl carried by, and why? What was the point of doing this? His Pokéspirit sure couldn't have done it, and there's no mention of that person anywhere else, even in the opening post.

Also, the personality's completely changed from "Courageous, Kind, Regretful", and almost contradicts itself at one point. First, he's more willing to run than fight — this implies pacifism or fighting only in defense, but he's totally fine with killing someone for someone else's survival? And are his emotional breakdowns totally random, or do they have some kind of trigger? Why does it make him dangerous? Is it an angry breakdown, or does he just throw people away trying to get to a corner so he can sulk?

Finally, the formatting on your Opening Post. Honestly, I can't even make much of an actual comment before asking this: Why? Why is all the speech underlined? Why is everything else bolded? Why does it look pretty much the exact same as the first attempt? It still looks too short content-wise, and I have to suggest you get someone to help you proofread. I'm sure plenty of people will be willing to help you with that.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.

Last edited by TornZero; November 13th, 2012 at 05:52 PM.
  #681    
Old November 14th, 2012, 08:06 AM
Dusk's Avatar
Dusk
Fighting to Renew my Past...
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Elysia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
If by "you", you meant Marin's character, Lucy, and by "WolfOfEve", you meant my character, Amethyst, then yes. That totally happened.



*
  #682    
Old November 14th, 2012, 12:20 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WolfOfEve View Post
If by "you", you meant Marin's character, Lucy, and by "WolfOfEve", you meant my character, Amethyst, then yes. That totally happened.
Not to mention she did it with an ultra-badass, yet relaxing, "Relax..." Can't help but respect that she wants Amethyst to feel good about being eaten alive.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.
  #683    
Old November 14th, 2012, 12:47 PM
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow
RP Mentor
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Nature: Hardy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
D-did you just eat Wolfofeve!? I mean, but, and then the, nom nom?
Hahaha... Yes I did~ ;3 I don't know if you somehow managed to avoid being aware, but Lucy has a somewhat large mouth on her stomach. (Because I'm so original.) In all seriousness though, that's a result of her gulpin pokespirit fusion. (Note: Her mouth stomach does not much resemble the one I just linked, which has things like teeth a tongue and eyes. Lucy's is a bit more subtle, resembling a Gulpin's mouth in every way save color.) She also ate Machomuu's character Creed once after he made the mistake of startling her enough to make her think she was being attacked, and doesn't exactly have any big qualms doing this. It should've been visible the entire time your character(s) were near her, as her shirt is torn to the point it doesn't cover the stomach-mouth like it normally does.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TornZero View Post
Not to mention she did it with an ultra-badass, yet relaxing, "Relax..." Can't help but respect that she wants Amethyst to feel good about being eaten alive.
LOL. I'm actually waiting to see if anyone else caught the reference I slipped into her dialogue in that post.
  #684    
Old November 14th, 2012, 12:57 PM
Aques Keus's Avatar
Aques Keus
Swaggins
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: The Cave of Hymns
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
So like that means Wolf isn't going to be digested? If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
College Bound, Mentally Sound.

Frio & Elise || Jayce & Jayce 2

Last edited by Aques Keus; November 14th, 2012 at 01:07 PM.
  #685    
Old November 14th, 2012, 01:10 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
So like that means Amethyst isn't going to be digested? If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
Fix'd.

Anyways, yes, that's what's happening.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.
  #686    
Old November 14th, 2012, 01:43 PM
Aques Keus's Avatar
Aques Keus
Swaggins
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: The Cave of Hymns
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Brave
I'm a terrible speller, and the character's name is a killer to say aloud. Wolf is so much easier to say.

Well I'm relieved he isn't going to die, it would be so
College Bound, Mentally Sound.

Frio & Elise || Jayce & Jayce 2
  #687    
Old November 14th, 2012, 02:04 PM
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow
RP Mentor
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Nature: Hardy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
If so then I'm not going near your character for fear of being swallowed whole
I don't think it's appropriate to use OOC knowledge of someone's character in that fashion. I'd be more put off, but unless we joint posted you'd probably never wait long enough for me to post anyway. :U But yeah, if you read the context of the post it's sort of implied she isn't trying to kill Amethyst via lack of anything suggesting she is.
  #688    
Old November 14th, 2012, 03:42 PM
Dusk's Avatar
Dusk
Fighting to Renew my Past...
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Elysia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Seriously. I am not my characters. My characters are not me. MY CHARACTERS ARE NOT ME AND I AM NOT MY CHARACTERS

Actually... Hehehe...



*
  #689    
Old November 14th, 2012, 03:47 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Khawill View Post
I'm a terrible speller, and the character's name is a killer to say aloud. Amethyst is not difficult to say.

Well I'm relieved she isn't going to die, it would be so
I'm just going to keep fixing it until you start separating Zerin from his characters. Zerin is not his characters, and only one of his characters is him.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.
  #690    
Old November 14th, 2012, 05:24 PM
machomuu's Avatar
machomuu
The Lights in the Sky are Stars
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: 'Murca
Gender: Male
Nature: Relaxed
If I remember correctly, Mako felt the inside of...uh...

Mako thought Lucy's insides were quite...

...her stomach was comfortable. Of course he was depressed at the time. And disoriented. And confused. And he was curled up.

...I'm sure Amethyst would love it there.
  #691    
Old November 14th, 2012, 10:14 PM
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow
RP Mentor
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Nature: Hardy
@Machomuu: He says that now, but then some random tie-dye ratatta pokespirit wielder falcon punches her in the stomach and suddenly he'll wants out! Regardless, I admit to having found that reaction cute, if not just a bit unexpected. I can't help but wonder if his time in there had an effect on his depression. Remind me to follow up on that incident sometime.

I'm actually going to be joint posting a bit with WolfOfEve, since he can't think up enough for a post in Amethyst's current 'situation'~ Gotta do some thinking, bring Hailey and Arcea more attention. Maybe joint post with TornZero a bit to make that happen.
  #692    
Old November 16th, 2012, 12:22 PM
Hovde's Avatar
Hovde
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Arlington WA
Age: 18
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
sorry i stopped posting, but my computer crapped out on me, and i cant afford a new one. i can only post today because i hacked past my schools webfilter. sorry again, and i will be back when i get a new computer.


  #693    
Old November 17th, 2012, 12:57 PM
dcjboi's Avatar
dcjboi
With Quiet Courage
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In between Heaven and Earth
Nature: Timid
Send a message via Skype™ to dcjboi
Sadly my most latest post was lost when I took so long to look it over in the preview that I logged out. I condensed it in the IC but I'll just edit the details in later if it's okay Yellow.

  #694    
Old November 17th, 2012, 01:03 PM
PkMnTrainer Yellow's Avatar
PkMnTrainer Yellow
RP Mentor
Community Supporter
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: East Coast, USA
Gender: Female
Nature: Hardy
@dcjboi: Sure... I know that feeling. Two simple habbits to prevent it from happening again are to hit quote instead of reply (For some reason this drastically increases the time it takes to get a "LOL TOKEN HAS EXPIRED GO REWRITE YOUR POST FOR NO REASON" error) and Copy your post before you hit submit. That way even if you do get an error you can just paste it back.

Alternatively, write your post in notepad or word and don't even bother hitting reply until it's done.

Last edited by PkMnTrainer Yellow; November 17th, 2012 at 01:27 PM.
  #695    
Old November 19th, 2012, 06:26 PM
Darklugia55's Avatar
Darklugia55
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Gender: Male
Name: Desmond

Nickname (Optional): Ezio

Age (10-13): 13

Sex (Male or Female): Male

Appearance: Dark, Short Hair. Average weight and tall
Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Intelligent, quick to think, fights for justice. Wants to know more of his past. Desires Justice and Freedom.

History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Grew up in the house with his Father, was an criminal before.

Pokéspirit (No legendaries. Alternate color schemes are allowed.)
Species: Zoroark, Gengar, Sycther

Nickname (Optional): Connor

Personality (Can be as short or long as you want): only one thing on his mind, justice.

Moves (Maximum of 6. TM and egg moves are allowed. These are the moves your character gets when they fuse): Hyperbeam, Roar, Fly, Dig, Surf, Dragon Rage

Other (Optional): Speed, Accuracy, Attack

Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.): In the beginning, Pokemon could not stop themselves from their battling nature. Some Pokemon fought to the death. Some Pokemon fought for Glory, some for Honor. But with the Pokemon battling, there needed to be order. The first Trainer, Samuel Oak, took the challenge and fought in every battle the Pokemon had to strengthen himself. When the time was right, he was able to stop the Pokemon from their endless battling, and made peace between Pokemon and humans. And that peace has been kept, until now..........


Normal Human
Name:Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal

Nickname (Optional):Ash, Gary.........

Age (Any age): 20

Sex (Male or Female):Male

Appearance (A picture can be provided instead of a description if you so wish.): Dark, Long hair, Tall and average weight

Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): does not like being called by their name in Anime shows

History (Where did your character grow up? Who did they grow up with? What have the been doing before this? Any noteworthy events?): Became the greatest Trainer, fought best friend.

Opening Post (This will be what we use to determine whether your writing skills are good enough. If accepted, you may feel free to copy paste your post here into the IC thread.): Sometimes when the night falls, you could almost see the dead Pokemon rise from the ground to seek revenge.
  #696    
Old November 19th, 2012, 06:50 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Send a message via Skype™ to TornZero
Quote:
Originally Posted by Darklugia55 View Post
Name: Desmond

Nickname (Optional): Ezio

Age (10-13): 13

Sex (Male or Female): Male

Appearance: Dark, Short Hair. Average weight and tall
Personality (How does your character act and react to others? Their mental state? Flaws and/or personal weaknesses?): Intelligent, quick to think, fights for justice. Wants to know more of his past. Desires Justice and Freedom.
I–is this sign-up even serious in any sense of the word? It's like you just grabbed the character sheet and typed pretty much whatever you felt like. It's extremely obvious you didn't read the first post at all. There are so many missing things it's not funny, like a horrid lack of appearance and personality; the history is literally a sentence with no content whatsoever; the Pokéspirit and Other sections make no sense; the opening post isn't even remotely related to Fallout or the character. On top of it, the second sheet looks like you deliberately made it to be laughably awful. I can't even comment on anything in it.

I'm sorry, but unless you actually pay any attention at all to the plot and correct your SU accordingly — as well as completely remove the second sign-up, because that's an absolute joke — it can't be accepted in the least.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.
  #697    
Old November 19th, 2012, 07:05 PM
IceFyr1928's Avatar
IceFyr1928
Is now DeathofShadows
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Upper Canterlot, Equestria
Gender: Male
Nature: Calm
*facepalm* sorry about my bro. His first experience with an SU. I'm helping him. Will be improved by Sun. at the latest.
THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN HACKED, AND FOR MY SAFETY I HAVE RELOCATED. YOU CAN FIND ME HERE
  #698    
Old November 19th, 2012, 07:10 PM
OrangeNess's Avatar
OrangeNess
Layton Lover
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Somewhere...
Gender: Male
Nature: Docile
I'm back from my brainstorming of an amazing SU and I came up with an amazing idea! I'll tell you this much:
1. It's a girl.
2. It's a Butterfree.
That's all I'm saying! I'll get it done soon!
Perhaps so, but we've seen it happen with our very own eyes. The answer is out there, Luke - we just need to find it. -Professor Layton
  #699    
Old November 19th, 2012, 07:16 PM
TornZero's Avatar
TornZero
Resident Yuri-ism Cult Leader
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: In your pantry, eatin' your delicious cake.
Age: 21
Gender: Female
Send a message via Skype™ to TornZero
Quote:
Originally Posted by IceFyr1928 View Post
*facepalm* sorry about my bro. His first experience with an SU. I'm helping him. Will be improved by Sun. at the latest.
Thanks for bringing it up; please do whatever you can to help him. While my statement obviously still stands in pretty much everything but the first sentence, as his first attempt it would have been much better to have looked at other sign-ups before making his own.



@OrangeNess, knock yourself out.

I will be moving my account to Songbird over the course of immediately. The signature will stay as is for posterity and reference.
  #700    
Old November 20th, 2012, 07:53 AM
Dusk's Avatar
Dusk
Fighting to Renew my Past...
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Elysia
Age: 20
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
I love how he was trying to make the main character from Assassin's Creed.



*
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