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  #1    
Old March 26th, 2012, 04:13 AM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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The Beta Place!
~Relaunched~



Welcome to the Beta Place, the 3rd version of the original thread! Here, one can apply to be a beta reader - someone who reads a story before it is submitted to the Internet - or apply to get a beta reader for their fic. This system will hopefully make things easier for people willing to help others with their fic, or people who want help with their fic - whether if it's for another set of eyes to proofread, or major improvements in their fic.

All previous Beta Readers will need to reapply, given nobody on it was active with beta reading. It is a relaunch after all! If you are willing to offer your services and have the time for it please apply.









RULES: beyond the standard forum-wide and FF&W rules:
  • All contact between beta readers and their 'clients' should be through PM and/or email, NOT in the thread. Yes, this goes for people asking someone to be their beta reader and vice versa. This is merely a place of reference, and for applying/submitting applications.
  • Emphasis on no spamming. This goes for 'thank you' posts - there's no need for them here.
  • Don’t apply unless you’re serious about the story or being a beta-reader. By ‘serious’ I mean you’ve thought about it, you know where it’s going and/or know you’re going to stick with it. Taking breaks from time to time is perfectly fine - but be sure to notify us about that to change your status if so.
  • Astinus and I have the right to refuse your submission to be a beta reader, if we think you may not be up to standard. We want people we are sure will help out others, not people who will do a limited job.
  • If you were waiting for a beta reader and got one, or you want to update your status, tell me and I'll update it here.
  • Beta readers have the right to refuse to beta a story if they have a reason for it. If said reason is they don't have time to take any more stories, they should however tell myself or Astinus via PM about it, so we can update your information here.
So, stick to those rules, people, or risk the wrath of those Sentret with flamethrowers by your window.









General advice as well:
  • This thread is about guidance, so if you disagree with your mentor you can bring it up with them. Just be polite about it; remember, they are just trying to help you.
  • It is advisable to read over your work BEFORE you hand it over to the beta reader. Beta readers aren't a spell and grammar check, but real people (gasp!), so keep that in mind. In other words - don't hand in something that hasn't been run through a proof-read by yourself and a simple spell check to pick up on the simple mistakes (after all, that's what a spell check is for anyway) - Beta Readers want to be able to read your work without going mad.
  • Be patient. Beta readers have to take the time to help, so don’t pester them about when they’ll be done with your chapter. That said, if it’s been two weeks or something and you haven’t heard a word, then feel free to give them a poke.
  • If you know that you'll be unable to get a beta back in the near future for whatever reason, let your client know!.
  • To be clear, you CAN be a beta reader and also apply for one with your story as well. We're not all perfect.
  • Non-Pokemon stories or even original writings are perfectly fine - just be sure to mention that in your submission, is all.
Now that's over with, here we go with the applications. First, to be a beta reader. These are both for people to see your style of beta reading and all that jazz, and Astinus and I to see if you are acceptable or not.



BETA READERS:

Category:
Genre:
Preferred method of contact:
Examples of writing:
Examples of reviews/beta-reports:
Strengths/weaknesses (optional):

Now, for what each one means... PLEASE READ!







Spoiler:
Category - what type of beta reader you are. Here are the list of what you can choose from:
  • Comprehensive - basically, everything and anything on fanfiction
  • Character
  • Plot
  • Language
  • Grammar
  • Proof-reading - just another set of eyes to look over the work.
You can have multiple types for category as well.


Genre - what genre or type of story are you best in? Tragedy? OT fics?

Preferred method of contact - PM or e-mail - if the latter, specify your e-mail too, for obvious reasons.

Examples of writing - here, insert links or quotes of your writing - AT LEAST TWO! You can have more as well. Also, a short paragraph or the such does not count as an example. Show us what you can do, and also the people wanting a beta reader as well. A scene will do, but don't hesitate in linking to an entire story if you choose to. If you haven't actually written anything - no problems there, just say so - we are more concerned over your ability with the next one...

Examples of reviews/beta-reports: - same as before, link (or spoiler-fy) preferable here - but this time AT THE VERY LEAST TWO examples of reviews or beta reports. Here, Astinus and I can see how well you can beta or, if you have no examples handy, review. This will also show those clients how well you can do your job as well. This is a necessary part of your application.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): optional unlike the others, but here you can add in what your strengths and weaknesses are in writing and/or beta-reading. This is more beneficial for the clients who can see your strengths and weaknesses if they can't decide between two beta readers.



Ok, now, to be a client. If you look at the list and already know who you want, and you contact them outside this thread, no worries. However, if you are undecided or want people to know you need a beta reader, use this application which should give the necessary information a beta reader may be interested in.


CLIENTS:

Title of Story:
Fandom:
Plot summary:
Genre:
Rating (PG, R, etc):
Type of mentor needed:
Writing sample of story:
Other: (such as, how long you've been writing for, what you think your strengths and weaknesses in writing are - optional)

Fandom refers to, for example, Pokemon, or others such as, say, Digimon.
Genre - type of story - horror, Original Trainer, etc.
Type of mentor needed - refers to the category section - do you want a Comprehensive beta reader, or a Proofreader, and so forth.
Writing sample - please include at least a few paragraphs of the story you want beta-reading.

So remember, post to apply to be a beta reader, or a client (unless you know who you want to contact here, of course). Communicate between yourselves then via PM or E-mail, and then notify me so I can update your status.

Get posting people! MORE NEW BETA READERS NEEDED!



CURRENT LIST OF BETA READERS:


Comprehensive Beta Readers:
[Mentors who are pretty good at all aspects of fiction. Best for very new writers or anyone in need of general help.]

PhantomX0990
Preferred method of contact: PM
Read more here


psyanic - Also a Language Beta Reader/Proofreader
Preferred method of contact: PM/VM
Read more here

Character Beta Readers:

[Mentors skilled in character portrayal and development.]
PhantomX0990
Preferred method of contact: PM
Read more here

Plot Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with the development of plot twists, the story climax, and other problems with the storyline.]

Grammar Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with ironing out those pesky grammatical errors.]
PhantomX0990
Preferred method of contact: PM
Read more here



Language Beta Readers:
[Mentors who can help with the fine-tuning of language, including things such as description and dialogue.]
PhantomX0990
Preferred method of contact: PM
Read more here


psyanic - Also a Comprehensive Beta Reader/Proofreader
Preferred method of contact: PM/VM
Read more here


Proofreaders:
[For the more experienced writers who need a second set of eyes and to offer a second opinion - usually aim to give a general overview of a work, but may focus on aspects the author particularly wants an opinion on or which they specialise in.]

psyanic - Also a Comprehensive/Language Beta Reader
Preferred method of contact: PM/VM
Read more here
__________________


Sheep in the Big City: General Specific

Last edited by Astinus; November 17th, 2012 at 07:41 PM.
  #2    
Old March 26th, 2012, 04:15 AM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via AIM to bobandbill Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to bobandbill
CLIENTS SEEKING BETA READERS

  • DForte
    Title of Story: The Blacklist
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: A trainer has his pokémon killed and is looking to avenge them
    Genre: Undecided
    Rating: PG
    Type of mentor needed: Proofreader, Language.
    Writing sample of story: Archer sends out three Nidokings in front of Blastoise, Magmortar and Electivire. As they are getting up, Archer orders the Nidokings to use Horn Drill. The horn drills pierce through all three pokémon, thus killing them.

  • Mockingjay
    Title of Story: Pokemon: Explorers of the Shining Dawn
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: "Celia" the Eevee influences the minds and thoughts of various Pokemon in the Pokemon world as she tries to save them all.
    Genre: Mystery Dungeon
    Rating: K+ ! (10 year olds?)
    Type of mentor needed: ANY.
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    What was I to do? State the plain truth and face execution?
    Spoiler:

    It was safer and easier to do when the pieces weren't in full view.
    I knew what this meant; I had to lie to whoever I met.
    How many feelings would be hurt? I'd rather hurt feelings than risk lives.
    They say that lying isn't a good thing. However, I like to think of it as "playing pretend," and this specific round of "pretend" could mean the demise of myself and millions if anything went wrong.













    Other: Stressing here that I've never written a fanfic. Yeah.

  • PhantomX0990
    Title of Story: (May Change) Those That Came Before
    Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
    Plot summary: While Percy is cleaning out the Oracle's attic he finds a file labeled 1941-1945. The file contains the story of an unclaimed demigod who fought against the tide of evil in WWII.
    Genre: Adventure?
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
    Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive/any
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:

    Now he was almost eighteen, and Jacob was terriffied. Once he and Erick were eighteen they would be cast away from the Camp, too old to be campers they would be sent into the world. It was a sad thing and pretty uncommon since many demigods hardly make it to puberty. He would be eighteen in three days, Erik in two.

    Luckily the monsters were more attracted to what was going on in Europe. The Nazi war machine had invaded Poland and started a war. Most people didn't know it, but it was a war of the gods. Adolf Hitler, a son of Hades, lead the Nazis, he not only has tanks and soldiers, but monsters as well.

    As they got closer they could see that everyone was surrounding the radio, a gift from Hermes to the Camp. They dropped their gear and came in to listen, the voice was none other that Franklin D. Roosevelt himself, they'd heard him on the radio a dozen times before, "Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. "


    Other: I'd like to think that I'm an experienced writer, and this isn't my first fanfic.
  • Vato
    Title of Story: Pokemon: The Rest Of All
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: What If? We've all asked ourselves this question, a simple mistake, for small it is, can lead humanity to its own doom. What if Team Galactic was never stopped? What if the Red Chain also controled Giratina? What if the world as we knew it has been reformed by Cyrus? What if there isn't any was to restore it?
    The Fic follows the adventures of Drew, a young boy that mysteriously woke up in Pallet Beach with no memory at all. Across his journey he will try to collect the badges from the remaining gyms of the Pokemon world... but little does he know of what Arceus has planned for him.
    Genre: Action with a bit of Mystery and a small bit of Comedy every now and then. A OT Fic, but with actual characters from the Pokemon World every now and then.
    Rating: PG-15 for bits of strong language and mild suggestive themes
    Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    This is sort of a spoiler since it will be uploaded soon, anyways:

    His eyes opened. He sat over the fine sands of the beach. Who was he? Where was he? For some reason, he couldn’t remind a single thing about himself. He was wearing a white shirt and black cargo pants. His face, scratched, as if something had attacked. Something… or someone. The sound of the waves, it was relaxing, how could you focus with that soothing sound next to you?

    The sun was setting behind the horizon; the sunlight barely rubbed the waves of the ocean and the sand around him. It’s a nice day to be a victim of amnesia, that’s for sure.

    He stood up, trying to make his mind up. –Who am I?-, this question echoed inside of his head as he tried to walk around the beach. He hadn’t said a thing since he woke up, so it was natural he wondered how would his voice sound, maybe a deep voice, or, a super acute voice, perhaps?

    Other: English is not my first lenguage, in fact, it's Spanish, so I have grammar errors every now and then. I've been writing this in my laptop for over a year... but I'm now forced to restart since my hard drive broke and I lost every single bit of information in my computer.

  • WestsideConnection
    Title of Story: Wise Guys (WIP, if aformentioned Beta Reader has a better title idea, I will consider their opinion)
    Fandom: (Original) Any Mafia movies, games etc..
    Plot summary:
    This story follows the story of Francisco Botenzi, who was born to two Sicilian immigrants. Out of a job, Francisco, or Frank as he is called, is forced into finding creative ways to pay his bills, and is looking for something a bit better than the labour jobs his parents were forced into. Through connections, Francisco meets Emmanuel "Manny" Rennasino, who is a successful, business oriented wise guy. Frank has started working for Manny, in order to pay his bills and create a better life for himself then he had growing up. But Frank will come to see that it isn't easy in this business.
    Genre: Action, Crime
    Rating: M for violence, depictions of crime, coarse language, suggestive themes, alcohol references, sexual themes (nothing too hardcore)
    Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, plot, character
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    “ Hey Manny,” was the sound rippling through Gino’s Bar, the central drinking hole of Little Italy, the nickname of the Italian Ghetto in Seaport.

    It was Antonio “Tony” Lombardi, son of the leader of the Lombardi family, Ricardo Lombardi. Tony was a bit of a spoiled brat, but in honesty, Manny didn’t mind the guy. Tony was wearing a black three-piece suit, which is what most Mafioso prefer to wear. Tony was a short guy, but built like a tank. Tony is a pretty good fighter, and few could match with him. Tony had his short black hair gelled back.

    “ Hello Tony, what is it,” was Manny’s reply as he shook Tony’s hand.

    Tony was usually Ricardo’s messenger boy, so Manny knew something was up. Tony motioned Manny to follow him to a booth, and the two sat down inside the booth of the Bar.

    “ So, Manny it seems that French b*****d Giguere has decided to not pay his protection costs. You know, for his tailor shop on Thirty-fourth Street. I need you to remind him why he needs to pay those costs. I had Dad call off the protectors, so you can move right in,” Tony explained to Manny.

    Manny nodded in approval.

    “ Yea, I can send some of my guys on it,” Manny replied, brushing off Tony’s hinting that he wanted Manny to do it.

    “ May I ask who these guys are, if you have made your decision,” Tony quietly asked Manny.
    “ Freddy Salence and Frank Botenzi,” Manny quickly replied,

    “ I’ve been looking for a chance to test Frank.”

    “ Good, good,” Tony assured himself.

    “ Now, I must be going now, Father has some business for me, so arrivederci my friend.” With that, Tony got up and left the bar.

    That gave time for Manny to do some planning. Manny got up out of the booth and over to the public telephone. Manny picked the phone up, and began dialing Frank’s number.

    Other: This is my first fanfic, but I do have RP'ing experience so keep those things in mind. (Not to sound like a d!ck) I also tend to have short chapters as well.
  • Meeptasm

    Title of Story: Team Evolite: The Eevee Rescue Team (I know, I need a better subtitle...)
    Fandom: Pokemon (Mystery Dungeon)
    Plot summary: On her way to become a top rate solo explorer, Eevette, a young and very pompous Eevee, happens upon another of her kind, only his fur is a sterling white... and his only memory is of him once being human! Together, Eevette and Nico must travel the land of Divelo and find out how the white Eevee ended up on the beach and what happened in his past to transform him into a Pokemon. However, lurking behind the darkness, many enemies are working against our two fledgling heroes, seeking to stop them in their tracks. But with Nico's mysterious ability to see past the past the darkness and discover the unknown, they might just survive find what they're looking for.
    Genre: Adventure
    Rating (PG, R, etc): RP-PG13
    Type of mentor needed: Plot/Grammar (One that can give good advice on where to veer the story when it starts to become boring as well as a grammar "professor".)
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:

    Eevette: But that’s not fair! There are many solo explorers out there, some of them very famous!

    ???: They’ve earned the right to explore alone. If the Board deems you skilled enough, they will allow you to train as a one-Pokémon exploration team. Until then, you must have a partner.

    Eevette closed her eyes and ground her teeth out of frustration. She obviously wasn’t happy with what she was hearing.

    Eevette: I would find one, but there’s no Pokémon in this desolate town remotely worthy of being my partner…

    The voice behind the gate gave off a heavy sigh, which sounded like the hoot of a melancholy owl.

    ???: With that attitude, it’s no wonder you can’t find a partner. You run off every Pokémon you meet instead of trying to learn about them. Like I said before, the fact that Eevees are extremely hard to come by doesn’t put you above anyone else. Until you accept that and make a friend, you are not to bother us again. Now I must get back to my tasks, so I’m afraid you’ll have to leave the premises immediately. Have a good evening.

    And with that, everything became silent, aside from the hushed whispers of the gentle summer breeze. For some time, Eevette didn’t move from her spot. She was immobilized by a mixture of shock and wrath.

    Eevette: (How… H-How DARE that inferior Pokémon talk down to me! Without showing his face, even! Does he not know who I am?! I don’t care what he says! These Pokémon aren’t even worth having their names memorized, let alone become acquainted with! Well, I’ll show him! I’ll show them all!)

    She bowed her head to view the charm hanging around her neck, and her unpleasant scowl transformed into a fulsome grin, her remaining fury into a powerful confidence. Spinning around to show her back to the guild, she directed her gaze upward and shouts to the sky a boastful decree

    Eevette: Hear me, Pokémon of the land! You might be unaware of who I am for now, but I swear upon the treasure hanging from my collar, you will soon know my name! One day, the whole world will recognize the amazing talent of Eevette, solo explorer extraordinaire!!!

    Other: Well, I guess my writing abilities began to form when I took up roleplaying during my high school Freshman year. I've done many partial stories since then. I know I'm not the first to say this, but I have so many ideas swimming in my head that I try to put onto paper, though I never really finished any of them due to a mixture of writer's block, and a major lack of moral support as well as a number of friends who would just laugh at my ideas. I understand the basics of writing a story already, such as setting and character development. However, I need a lot of help on the details, like how to make people sympathize with the characters and how to keep the plot interesting without it running on and on. I also get a lot of my material from the games, like most other people, but I sometimes have trouble morphing that material into something original. If anyone can help me with becoming the best fan fiction writer I can be, I'd be a very happy Meep.
  • Khawill
    Title of story: Risio's Story
    Fandom: Pokémon
    Plot summary: Risio has moved to Rosepetal City, located on an island known for the sadness people feel when they go there. He explains his life on the island, and the people he met.
    Genre: Tragedy/Drama
    Rating: T
    Type of mentor needed: Plot, Proof-reading
    Writing sample of story: "The island is said to make people sad, and the stories are true. That girl you saw, you made her happy even here, and that should make you happy, even if you feel empty inside.” She looked at me and tried to smile “I don’t know if that girl really existed but, rumors say there are spirits of the island and maybe she was one. You should get home though before you get rained on more.” I couldn’t say anything; I had a heavy chest and a lump in my throat;
    Other: I've written 4 other fictions, 2 of them adventure, one tragedy, and one psychological. My strength is versatile plot development, weaknesses are grammar, spelling and minor plotholes
  • Star Girl
    Title of Story: Uniting the Five
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: A post-apocalyptic fanfic revolving around one girls rather reluctant journey to put things back together. Based off of most of the Nuzlocke rules with a couple of ones I have thrown in for the story.
    Genre: Adventure
    Rating (PG, R, etc): T
    Type of mentor needed:Comprehensive
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    We were children, just children, when we saw our world turned upside down.

    Ethan and I were just five when the dissolving peace between the five regions disappeared like it had never existed with the death of President Helton. He was the last stronghold of peace between the regions. The Teams who ran most of the regions behind the scenes dissolved into a full out war against each other to try to gain more control.

    The Elite tried, they did, but eventually they disappeared into hiding. They may be strong but they only stood so much against an army. No one has heard from them in almost seventeen years now. Most think they are dead, but I think otherwise. With the regions so scattered as they are it may be just as dangerous to return to the real world as it was when the war started.

    The war lasted three years, three long years. What happened in the mean time changed the world forever. Some cities and towns disappeared overnight. The major thoroughfares were altered and changed from the bombings. Nothing would ever be the same again.

    Three years after it started, supplies and troops running low what remained of the leadership finally called for a ceasefire. The fighting ended just as quickly as it seemed to have started to Ethan and mine's young eyes.

    The fighting wasn't without a price even to the small town of New Bark Town. While we had usually been ignored for larger cities such as Goldenrod and Olivine it didn't mean we had the occasional attack.

    With the fighting over the regions had isolated each other in order to heal. However the distrust now ever larger than ever, no one, not ever Kanto and Johto had tried to make contact again. Eventually over time even the cities themselves had become isolated from each other. The war having caused such distrust that many felt it was best to keep to themselves. And since there was central government to unite us there was nothing to stop us from becoming isolated. When the teams had withdrawn to try to heal themselves after the war they themselves had caused so had the last of the central government that had kept Johto together. So most cities turned to their own citizens for a way to create order and leadership.

    New Bark Town was no exception to the rule, while we had a town council of sorts we also had a person designated as our spokesperson/leader. Professor Elm filled this role. Our biggest contact was with Cherrygrove a city just a few miles down the road from us with a bit more limited contact with Violet City a bit further off.

    It had been 14 years since the war had ended. People moved on, children grew, and cities began to get back on their feet. But the weariness that had existed since before even the war had begun kept the region from reuniting under a central government again. From what little we had heard about Kanto it was supposedly in the same sort of disrepair. The remaining three regions had lost contact with us since the end of the war.

    It would take a big force for the cities to start talking again, it would take an even larger one for them to reunite like they once were.


    Other: Writing is going to take time due to the fact I am playing under a rule that all tasks must be accomplished by 6:30 pm.

    Also would love for someone willing to beta in the LONG run or be willing to beta a second fanfic. This is a prequel to another project (non-Nuzlocke) that has been in the works for years now.

    Oh and story timeline may not always line up perfectly with the game. Meaning some events may take place out of order due to how my brain comes up with it. I only seen this happening once so far but then again I've only outlined up to the edge of the Illex Forest so far and were talking a grand story that's going to overarc over five regions so anything is up for grabs except for some major events.

    Been writing fanfics on and off since I was in grade school. My current style of writing only really began to develop when I was in my first couple years of college (so about five years back now). It should be noted that I've never been really great at summaries so if you want a better idea of this story PM me and I can message you the first two chapters.

    Also expect to maybe edit two or three times I have the tendency to go back and edit things multiple times before I'm happy.
  • imevil
    Title of Story: Varus (Name subject to change, just temporary)
    Fandom: Pokemon
    Plot summary: An ex-Team Plasma officer leaves Plasma after the events of Pokemon Black. He leaves with items of importance to Plasma and they go after him. He must fight for his life to escape, and bring down team Neo Plasma.
    Genre:Action, Drama
    Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
    Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive, I'm sorta new, but anyone who specializs in anything story related would be ok.
    Writing sample of story:
    Spoiler:
    It had been years since it ended. Since Varus had left. Since Varus had quit. Since Varus had escaped. He was alone now, other than his Patrat. They always told him it was weak, that he had to get rid of it, it would slow him down. But he couldn’t do it. Now that he escaped, he released all his Pokémon back to the wild. He was hoping they would find the trainers he stole them from. He knew it would probably not happen, but he still hoped. He thought back, what got him in all of this? He used to be an innocent child. His youth made him gullible, for an orphan like himself; he thought he had found a home. He wouldn’t need to go from Pokémon center to Pokémon center. It was a mistake. And now he knew they would come after him, he knew too much. He knew about their plans to reform. They would try to stop him, and there was only one person that could help him. There was only one person powerful enough, and willing, to take on the whole organization. He knew he would need his help, he needed to find N, N would be his last hope.

    Other:First fan-fic!
__________________


Sheep in the Big City: General Specific

Last edited by Astinus; November 17th, 2012 at 07:39 PM.
  #3    
Old April 13th, 2012, 01:19 AM
bigtukker
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Gender:
Title of Story: The Legend and the Apprentice
Fandom: Pokémon
Plot summary: Things grow personal for this Pokémon Trainer when his Venusaur got badly injured by a Typhlosion.
Genre: Journey fic
Rating (PG, R, etc): T
Type of mentor needed: Language, Description
Writing sample of story:
Quote:
The second half was about to start. 14-year old Andrew Masterson tugged one last time on the edge of his right hand glove. The catacomb was empty and the grey silver walls were as bare as they were clean as they shone like mirrors. At the end of the catacomb was a bright light and the sound of thousands of people cheering. This is it. He graced with his fingertips over the Poké Balls attached to his belt. He touched the latter three a second longer. It’s your turn now, Andrew thought to them. Andrew wasn’t a telepathic, but he knew what his Pokémon were aware of his expectations and they rarely let him down when it came to his expectations. Sure, he lost countless battles as much as he won. One year and a half he spent time with his Pokémon and now in the Best 16 round with three of his six Pokémon remaining, the tension was harder then ever. He already beat three opponents, one of which his fierce rival Bart in the Best 32. He admired how they both changed in a good way since they started their journey, both with a Bulbasaur.
Other: It's a rewrite of an old story of mine (Legend in Making on serebii)
  #4    
Old April 13th, 2012, 02:49 AM
Mockingjay's Avatar
Mockingjay
nnoo
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Nature: Jolly
Title of Story: Pokemon: Explorers of the Shining Dawn
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: "Celia" the Eevee influences the minds and thoughts of various Pokemon in the Pokemon world as she tries to save them all.
Genre: Mystery Dungeon
Rating (PG, R, etc): K+ ! (10 year olds?)
Type of mentor needed: ANY.
Writing sample of story:
What was I to do? State the plain truth and face execution?
It was safer and easier to do when the pieces weren't in full view.

I knew what this meant; I had to lie to whoever I met.
How many feelings would be hurt? I'd rather hurt feelings than risk lives.
They say that lying isn't a good thing. However, I like to think of it as "playing pretend," and this specific round of "pretend" could mean the demise of myself and millions if anything went wrong.

Other: Stressing here that I've never written a fanfic. Yeah.
__________________
  #5    
Old April 13th, 2012, 04:23 PM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Added to the list, the both of you!

But it's a bit moot if nobody is available to mentor you. C'mon guys!
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
  #6    
Old April 13th, 2012, 11:58 PM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
Togepi
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Gender: Male
Title of Story: The Dark Prince
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary:
Spoiler:
Ash Ketchum is returning back from Unova after losing in the finals to his friend Stephan. Giovanni makes an agreement with Darkrai to use his power to spread chaos. Realizing that Giovanni is softer than he looks, Darkrai requests him to use the son he abandoned and teach him the way of Darkness.
I intend to write this as a series of four multi chapter fiction, The Dark Prince being the first of the series (quadrology?)

Genre: Adventure...I think I am not even sure :x
Rating (PG, R, etc): T according to fanfiction.net ratings
Type of mentor needed: Someone who can find flaws in my story telling and point out the correct path.(They should not be fiddling with my story though,just point out the flaws)
Writing sample of story: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8004981/...aster_Take_Two
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Legend of the Dark Prince: PC|FF.Net|

The Trip to Unova: A flying-saucer, a beast and a mad-scientist.
: PC
The Road to Nowhere: PC|FF.Net|SPPf|

If you want a storyline to your fan game whether it is a ROM Hack or using RPG Maker XP, feel free to contact me!
  #7    
Old April 14th, 2012, 03:42 PM
PhantomX0990's Avatar
PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
I'll apply to be a beta.

Category: Comprehensive, Language, Grammar, Character, all around.
Genre: General, Fantasy, Adventure. (Pretty much anything)
Preferred method of contact: PM/VM
Examples of writing: [Taken from "Wabbajack" and "The Divine Champion"]

Spoiler:
"What is the list again?"

His housecarl sighed. "Let's see," she said with sarcastic malice, "there was lighting, fire, and frost. Then there was the rock that then became a sweet roll, which I had to talk you out of eating. Then there was yesterday when you turned that guard that tried to arrest you for harassing chickens into a mud crab, and somehow you still managed to end up in the Dragonsreach Dungeons. And more recently, the daedra that tried to kill me. Oh and let's not forget my horse, which you turned into a rabbit."

The Dragonborn nodded. "Good," he said to no one in particular. "Oh and it's 'Dremora'," he corrected. He caught Lydia's confused glare. "Dremora, not just daedra."

"Dremora then," she spat, throwing up her hands in mock surrender. She took a breath and sighed, calming herself. "You owe me a new horse." The Dragonborn grunted as he inspected his helmet. "Are you even paying attention?"

"Of course," he said, replacing his helm. He threw his thumb over his left shoulder. "Your horse hopped that way."

Lydia shook her head, looking in the direction where her Thane had pointed. Unfortunately a rabbit was a bit harder to track than a horse. Besides, she didn't want to leave the Dragonborn alone, especially with that, that thing. She turned and saw him staring at it again. The Nord was holding the staff at eye level, looking straight into the faces at the tip. He'd come back with it from a trip to Solitude, and ever since he's been obsessed with it. He's the Dragonborn, she reminded herself for what seemed like the millionth time, he should be hunting dragons, not playing with magic sticks. Especially daedric magic sticks.

"Lydia," the Dragonborn said, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Yes, my Thane?"

"Bring me my horse."

Talos preserve us…


Spoiler:

Malik was still debating on the exact color of Revak's face when he saw the thief's newest trinket. It was a delicate mix of puce, yet a hint of burgundy. It was truly difficult to tell exactly by the light in the ruin. Despite the odd color of his countenance, the Dragonborn deemed that they would indeed use the thief's artifact due to their dire situation. It was a wise move, if a bit hasty if Malik had his say in it. He was always a bit wary of the daedra, but maybe it was his experience with said thief that clouded his judgment.

Revak sighed, and stepped away, his arms crossed and a scowl etched on his face. Strangely, Malik thought, the look suited his friend. He truly looked imposing. The Dragonborn's obvious distaste in the daedra and their artifacts was new territory for Malik. He had never heard the Nord mention the daedra or anything like it before, but obviously he felt strongly about them. Malik kept his distance as the Imperial took one last pause to look at the Dragonborn before closing his eyes in concentration and raising the Skeleton Key before him. Malik was intrigued. "How, exactly," he started, breaking the thief's focus and making him glare at Malik in distaste, "does a lock pick work without a lock to pick?" Cato shot the Khajiit a glare. He closed his eyes once more and was silent.

Ralof nudged Malik with his elbow. "This should be interesting," he said expectantly.


Examples of reviews/beta-reports: Spoiler/links

NOTE: I have A LOT more experience in this than what I've linked here. Thing is, most of it's on fanfiction.net, and I can't release it because the fics haven't been posted yet. I don't want to post someone's fic and spoil it or even get it... borrowed...

DOUBLE NOTE: When I am actually someone's beta I go much further in depth than I do for the on site reviews. I work with the author, rather than just point out issues.

Spoiler:

[Okay. One of the things I will sometimes do is go through and not just correct grammar errors, but I will show you how to fix and why. It can be tedius, and disheartening, especially for a non first language fic, but it will help in making learning the grammar easier. My corrections will be much like this paragraph; in bold and within brackets.
Normally it's best for a beta to begin working with an author from the beginning. Since you've already gotten so far, I wanted to back track and show you one of the ways I can help you out by going back and doing a grammar beta on the first chapter.
You should receive this version, as well as one where I made the changes myself for you to compare and decide how you want it to be.]

The warm sunlight was peeking through the treetops covering the landscape in a spectacular color of gold, red and yellow.

[The word 'The' isn't really needed. It's a syntax issue. It works technically, but to a native speaker it sounds odd.

There is a comma missing after 'red'.]

Nothing seemed to disturb the magic silence of that sunny day in the woods of Morrowind.

[Feel free to combine this paragraph with the previous. It will help the story move more fluidly and it will have a better 'look'.

A paragraph should deal with one main idea. For example, the three first paragraphs in the "Prose" section here each deal with one main idea: the first one introduces what is meant by "prose" and why it is important, the second one considers the relative importance of the prose compared to other elements of a story, and the third concerns the importance of spelling and grammar. This very paragraph you are reading is about how a paragraph should deal with a main idea. During conversations, every line of dialogue (along with its dialogue tag, if any) should have a paragraph of its own. Each paragraph should have some structure within itself: it starts off with a sentence at the core of the main point of the paragraph, then elaborates on it, and finally comes to a conclusion which also links the paragraph to the next one.

After skimming much of this fic I've noticed your paragraphs are very, very short. This means it's hard for a reader to focus, their eyes are constantly darting down a line. Try writing some longer paragraphs, run them by me if you're worried. I noticed that this isn't as much of an issue later in the fic, but it's still rather common throughout.]

"No! You won't get me!", the shrill voice of a young girl suddenly caused the birds to fly up in shock.

[One of the hardest things for many writers to get used to is the evil diaglogue punctuation.

It seems most useful to write the rules of dialogue straight off. (Taken from another site because I am a lazy bum

(1) Every quotation begins with a capital letter.

He said, "stand up." (Wrong)
He said, "Stand up." (Right)

(2) When one quotation is cut into parts by he said, she replied, etc., only the first part begins with a capital. The other parts begin with a lower-case letter.

"Stand up," he said, "And get your things." (Wrong)
"Stand up," he said, "and get your things." (Right)

(3) The punctuation at the end of each quotation is inside the quotation marks.

"Stand up", he said, "and get your things". (Wrong in two places)

(4) A period (a full stop) is never put straight before he said, she replied, etc. You may use exclamation marks, question marks, and commas, but not periods.

"Be quiet." She said. (Wrong)
"Be quiet." she said. (Wrong)
"Be quiet," she said. (Right)

(5) He said, she said, etc., do not begin with a capital letter when they come after an exclamation mark, question mark, or comma.

"Be quiet!" She said. (Wrong)
"Be quiet!" she said. (Right)

(6) If he said (etc.) is not at the end of a sentence, add a comma to the end of he said.

"Jo," he said "what's wrong?" (Wrong)
"Jo," he said, "what's wrong?" (Right)
"Nothing," she replied "really." (Wrong)
"Nothing," she replied, "really." (Right)

(7) A new paragraph is created whenever a different person begins speaking.

"Hello," said Smith. "Who are you?" Jones replied. (Wrong. A new paragraph should be created just before Jones says "Who are you?")

The main issue I'm noticing here is that you are putting punctuation within the quotation marks, then a comma, this is wrong. For example:

What you are doing: "Where is he?", the investigator asked.

This is wrong, that comma should not be there. It should be: "Where is he?" the investigator asked.

Another issue I am seeing is this: "I don't know.", she said.

The period after 'know' should be a comma, and the comma after the quotation marks isn't needed. Never put a comma after quotation marks. The sentence above should be:

"I don't know, " she said.

This goes for all the dialogue in the entire story, I won't repeat from here on, just note it is an issue through the entire thing.

Also, speaking actions: said, called, shouted, mused, yelled, etc.

Not speaking actions: sighing, laughing, etc. ]

Light footsteps could be heard, the cracking of branches on the soft forest floor. "Get away from me!", the young girls voice again.

[Who is she talking to? Why is she running? Why is she doing anything?]

She reached the edge of a cliff, looking down just to see a quietly murmuring stream.

"I'm going to jump! This time for sure!", she cried out and the three wolves that had been following her stopped a few steps in front of her, tongues out of their jaws and panting hard.

[Right here, I am seeing a tense issue. It might just be that this is the first chapter, but just notes from here on in. You've moved from present to past.

In English, tenses should never be mixed. As a general rule, pick one tense and then stick with it. There are situations where you'll want to switch the tense if you want to give a scene a completely different mood than the rest of the story, such as in a prologue or a flashback, memory or dream sequence of some sort, but then your mind must make a very clear and conscious distinction between the present tense parts and the past tense parts and they need to be sensibly of a different nature than the ordinary narrative. Writing some verbs randomly in past tense and some in present tense within the same sentence or paragraph is a no-no.

Most stories are written in past tense, and because most of the stories we read are in past tense, it generally also feels more natural to write in past tense. It's pretty much the default. Use past tense unless you have specific reason to want to use present tense.
Present tense is very rarely used for longer stories except as a possible supplement for dream sequences and such as I mentioned above. Present tense differs from past tense in its effect on the reader primarily in that it kind of brings the reader closer to what is happening, which is sensible enough; after all, past tense feels more like someone is reciting the story to you after it happened, while present tense gives you the feeling that you're standing somewhere in the middle of it watching it happen here and now. This makes it particularly useful for emotional short stories, making the reader feel the emotion in the story more intimately. ]

"You never jump, Adsini!", the brown wolve bellowed.

[Pluralization issue here. Should be 'wolf' not 'wolve'. And he bellowed? How does a wolf bellow? Is he legit talking? ]

"I will!", the girl called again but this time with slight amusement in her voice.

She took a step closer towards the edge.

"It's dangerous!", the blackish blue wolf called.

[Using the 'ish' here brings the reader a bit out of the story.]

The young girl turned around, took a deep breath and jumped into the stream.
"I made it! I jumped!", she cried out in triumph and joy and swam towards the shore just to be greeted by the three wolves that were now jumping at her, causing her to fall down on her back.
Laughter filled the air while the wolves started to tickle her with their wet tongues.

[This... just... sounds weird. Just sayin'. I also want to point out... streams usually aren't very deep. At all. Like, jumping into a shallow stream can kill you... might suggest another type of body of water? River perhaps?]

"Stop! Akru please! Sura, no! Oh no no no, please Mahana! Get off you furry beasts!", she laughed even harder now.

"We should head back to the pack.", the brown wolf called Akru said and the strange pack consisting of three wolves and a young, nearly 10 year old girl, started to slowly walk back up into the forest reaching the top of a rock and entering a cave.

[Run on sentence alert. As well as redundancy. If you said she was young, you don't need to mention she is ten years old. It's already implied.

Try ending that first sentence at 'said'.

Also. Write numbers out in words, except numbers that are greater than one hundred. I saw 2 people is wrong: I saw two people is right.

There are a lot of exclaimation points in this chapter so far. Try to avoid doing that. Instead write the exclaimation within the speaking action. ]

"She really jumped this time!", the blackish-blue wolf called out causing the rest of the wolves inside the cave to look at them.

"Adsini, how often do I have to tell you not to risk your life out there?", a big male wolf trotted towards the girl pressing his head against her stomach. She gently stroked his black fur.

"I'm always careful. It was a safe spot, Palo."

"I'm the leader of this pack. And you're my daughter as well. I raised you like one of my own whelps. I just want you to be safe."

"I will, Palo.", she placed a kiss on the soft fur of the big black wolfs head before turning around walking up to her sleeping spot.

[Pluralization again.]

She sat down, her fingers starting to trail through her shoulderlength black hair.

[Now time for a rant about hyphens.
Use a hyphen to join two or more words serving as a single adjective before a noun:

a one-way street
chocolate-covered peanuts
well-known author

However, when compound modifiers come after a noun, they are not hyphenated:

The peanuts were chocolate covered.
The author was well known.

In this case, 'shoulderlength' should be 'shoulder-length, or if you want even just 'shoulder length'.]

"You will be able to see your homeland again. To go back and live the life of a human.", Ahkuna said sitting down next to her. She was Adsinis foster-mother. A big wolf with fur as white as snow which was a beautiful contrast to Palo with his black fur.

[Apostrophe is missing here.
The apostrophe (') is a mark that has two completely different uses. Do not confuse the two.

First use: The apostrophe shows when letters have been taken out of a word. For example, the apostrophe in the word can't shows that the letters n and o have been taken out of the word cannot. Can't is short for cannot. The apostrophe in the word don't shows that o has been taken out. Don't is short for do not.

Second use: The 's shows that one person owns something. For example, Jack's house means the house that is owned by Jack. Always add 's (not an s on its own) to show ownership by one person. Fowler's dictionary is right: Fowlers dictionary is wrong. My friend's house is right: My friends house is wrong. On the other hand, if you want to show that more than one person owns something, put the apostrophe afterward: s'. All my friends' houses is right. My parents' room is right.

Adsinis should be Adsinis'.]

"I have no memory of my country. No memory of my real parents. I think to me you will always be my parents. Palo and you.", Adsini said with a slight smile while her hand started to run through the white fur of the female wolf.

Ahkuna licked the young girls face before saying:"As soon as you are ready for this we won't hold you back. It's your choice, Adsini."

[Never use a : before speech unless writing a script. Which this isn't.]

"What will the people of Skyrim think when I tell them I'm an orphan? Raised by a wolfpack? Never really lived with the humans. They will outcast me. Maybe even kill me..."

[Question. How did she learn to speak if she was raised by wolves? Why do wolves speak the common tongue? Why must she talk aloud when obviously wolves cannot talk?]

Ahkuna placed her paw on Adsinis arm. "I'm certain they won't. You will become a beautiful woman with a strong man at your side and you will have at least two children. Or more if you want. Never lose your faith. Never give up. You're the daughter of Palo Khan. Strongest wolf of Morrowind."

Adsini just nodded slowly.

"And now close your eyes and sleep, my dear."

The girl laid down, pressed herself closer to the white wolf and drifted into a deep but dreamless sleep.

[It's a... decent beginning.

That's why there's issue with it.

The first chapter is BY FAR the MOST IMPORTANT in the entire story. Especially when it comes to fanfiction. Trust me. I have one main story that's currently the fifteenth most reviewed in the fandom; "The Divine Champion". My first chapter? It has THOUSANDS more views than any of the other nineteen chapters. Most readers, if not enthralled by the first chapter, WILL NOT CONTINUE THE READING.

Issues I noticed.

REALISM/DESCRIPTION: The number-one rule is that a character needs to be realistic. It needs to be sensible for a hypothetical person to think like your character thinks and do what your character does in the fic, and "sensible" includes being consistent both with the character's other actions and thoughts and with the character's background and experiences. This is the core of characterization. I highly recommend that at least for main and major characters in your story, you make up the character's background story in your head and maybe write it down if you're not good at remembering things like that, whether you actually feel it necessary to include that background in the story or not. Then you just need to go psychological: how would the things that happened to your character in the past affect the way he or she is at the time the story happens? Though avoid Mary Sue at all costs.

This being, how can she speak? Why do wolves speak common? How is she understanding them? Why was she raised by wolves? Where are her parents? Right now, as of this chapter alone, the OC seems hollow. She has no personality save for we know she was raised by wolves, for some reason wants to leave that, and then jumped off a cliff. Is she snarky? Overly confident? A bit shy? We get none of her personality from this. Not even the wolves have it. I am getting cardboard cut out NPC feel from it.

How does she know that humans won't take her in if she was raised by wolves? Who told her that? Has she had prior experience with this? How does she know the name of the country? Was like, her family killed when she was younger, but still old enough to comprehend the situation? There's not even a hint at this being brought up later. Right now we are being told it and being forced to accept it at face value.

Obviously, these can be answered later in the fic, but that fact that you don't even address that they could/should be answered later is a problem.


Also, what perspective are you using? We hear no thoughts from her or the wolves, nor anything that would deem a perspective. Right now you seem to be using third person objective, which is a legit writing perspective, but it's rather dry. Most fics now are written either in first person or third person limited.

SHOWING NOT TELLING: Taken from wiki (I love wiki) Show, don't tell is a technique often employed by writers to enable the reader to experience the story through action, words, thoughts, senses, and feelings rather than through the author's exposition, summarization, and description. The goal is not to drown the reader in heavy-handed adjectives, but rather to allow readers to experience the author's ideas by interpreting significant, well-chosen details in the text.

It's something every author struggles with. If a part can be read like a news article, it's telling.

THE SUMMARY: Your summary is the way to attract new readers, it is what will make people want to read your story in the first place. A summary that says little or a poorly-written summary will turn people off. Sorry, but right now, to be brutally honest, I wouldn't have touched your fic just by the summary.

LENGTH: It's under a thousand words. Very short. Hard to become engaged in such a short introduction.

I will also be doing a corrected version, with corrections done, at least to replace the current chapter.

If you still want me as your beta that is. But I see a lot of work to be done, and you might need to SLOW DOWN in order for it to be done. (Remember though, if you really just want me to focus on grammar, I can do that. It's your story.)]



Example 2
Example 3

Strengths/weaknesses (optional):

I am also a beta reader on fanfiction.net

Strengths: Taught Creative Writing 2+ years; Lore (Many games, books, and genres); Combat Mechanics; Basic Grammar and Spelling; Story Planning; Character Development; Breaking Through Writer's Block

I think that learning from mistakes is one of the best ways to learn. That being said I still read through material given with speed and a personal touch. I am willing to help you along with your story in any way possible, whether it be helping you with new ideas, or running over your fic with a fine grammatical comb.

I am a bit laid back when it comes to my style of beta reading. I can/will curse because I just have a potty mouth like that, and I may be a bit short. It's never personal, or relating to the fic. You might catch more flies with honey, but you get better with vinegar.

That made sense in my head, I swear.

Examples of my beta reading - "Fang and Fox" by ShadowBlade911 Started beta reading around chapter three.

Weaknesses: Time. I am 22 years old, and I work full time. I have rent and bills to pay, so if I don't respond quickly, show some respect.
__________________
"I'll just... wait here then..."

Last edited by PhantomX0990; June 29th, 2013 at 02:23 PM.
  #8    
Old April 16th, 2012, 05:23 AM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Approved! I'd just suggest adding a bit more explanation to why mistakes you find are wrong/why the fix is correct going off the examples in those two reviews, but I imagine you would do that anyway.

(And for future reference other sites reviews are fine).
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
  #9    
Old April 18th, 2012, 06:47 PM
psyanic's Avatar
psyanic
There's Something About Lamps
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: The USA
Age: 17
Gender: Female
Nature: Bold
I've been meaning to be a beta reader for some time. Now's as good as any time, right?

Category: Comprehensive, language, proofreader
Genre: I really like OT fics, and I can do Fantasy, Drama, Adventure, a bit of Sci-Fi if I'm up for it. These are for specific genres.
Preferred method of contact: PM/VM, either one.
Examples of writing: Hopping on Cloud Nine is a story I've worked on, and I'm not sure if I want to continue it at the moment. Either way, it's something. Some Stars is a story I just started.
Examples of reviews/beta-reports: Here's a really long review I somehow mustered up. I think it's safe to say that's what most of my feedback will look like. Here is another review, where I'm rambling on and on, and it's fairly comprehensive. There's a touch of characters, plot, you name it.
Strengths/weaknesses: I would say I'm speedy at reviewing, and I'll probably send you feedback within a week at the most, and that's when I start exams and I have to study. I suppose this is also a weakness, since I can overlook a few things, but I'll try my best. I promise. I'm online every day and that's a bonus. Also, I can help you with plots, characters, or anything else.

However, grammar isn't my forte. I'm decent, but I'm not an English major or anything so I'll probably look over a few things. Overall, it's not too bad. I can catch a few mistakes here and there, but don't expect too much.

Last edited by psyanic; June 6th, 2012 at 06:20 PM.
  #10    
Old April 19th, 2012, 04:24 AM
PhantomX0990's Avatar
PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
Okay, I am accepting bigtukker's since they've already sent me their first chapter. I can accept one more so I don't over work myself.
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"I'll just... wait here then..."
  #11    
Old April 19th, 2012, 04:36 AM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Added, psyanic!

And cheers for saying that, Phantom. Updates are always cool so that we don't have people left on the list for months when they might already have been taken.
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
  #12    
Old April 29th, 2012, 08:25 AM
Ashygirl's Avatar
Ashygirl
Fairy Type! :D
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Banbury
Nature: Mild
Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to Ashygirl
Title of Story: Night of the Red Moon
Fandom: Pokemon Mystery Dungeon (EoS)
Plot summary: Four months after defeating Darkrai, Team Firestorm are stunned to learn that he has returned, but Chloe's partner has to face a problem of his own.
Genre: Adventure/Friendship
Rating: PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive beta reader
Writing sample of story: Chloe and Chimchar climbed up the steps and started passing through the lush Treasure Town, almost everyone greeted them, Chloe and Chimchar happily greeted back with a wave. They had become rather famous and popular around here but that’s what saving the world twice does to you.

Everyone in town knew their names even most of the travelling explorers who pass by. In fact a few of them asked for their autographs. Chimchar often joked that they now could be as famous as Dusknoir used to be if not more.


Other:Grammer is my weakest area
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Bring on the muffins!
  #13    
Old April 29th, 2012, 01:08 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
You've been added, Ashygirl!
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  #14    
Old May 4th, 2012, 01:07 PM
PhantomX0990's Avatar
PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
Ashygirl contacted me. So I'll be picking theirs up.

This means I won't be accepting any more betas for the time being.

Hmmm, I need a beta reader pleeeeeaase.

Title of Story: (May Change) Those That Came Before
Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Plot summary: While Percy is cleaning out the Oracle's attic he finds a file labeled 1941-1945. The file contains the story of an unclaimed demigod who fought against the tide of evil in WWII.
Genre: Adventure?
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive/any
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:

Now he was almost eighteen, and Jacob was terriffied. Once he and Erick were eighteen they would be cast away from the Camp, too old to be campers they would be sent into the world. It was a sad thing and pretty uncommon since many demigods hardly make it to puberty. He would be eighteen in three days, Erik in two.

Luckily the monsters were more attracted to what was going on in Europe. The Nazi war machine had invaded Poland and started a war. Most people didn't know it, but it was a war of the gods. Adolf Hitler, a son of Hades, lead the Nazis, he not only has tanks and soldiers, but monsters as well.

As they got closer they could see that everyone was surrounding the radio, a gift from Hermes to the Camp. They dropped their gear and came in to listen, the voice was none other that Franklin D. Roosevelt himself, they'd heard him on the radio a dozen times before, "Yesterday, December 7, 1941 - a date which will live in infamy - the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan. "


Other: I'd like to think that I'm an experienced writer, and this isn't my first fanfic.
__________________
"I'll just... wait here then..."

Last edited by PhantomX0990; May 4th, 2012 at 05:24 PM. Reason: Your double post has been automatically merged.
  #15    
Old May 5th, 2012, 04:01 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Thanks, Phantom! The list has been updated to reflect your changes.
__________________
  #16    
Old June 7th, 2012, 06:56 AM
Vato
This Is Our Last Goodbye
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Juarez City, Mexico
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Nature: Lonely
Hiya, I has a need for a Beta Reader

Title of Story: Pokemon: The Rest Of All
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: What If? We've all asked ourselves this question, a simple mistake, for small it is, can lead humanity to its own doom. What if Team Galactic was never stopped? What if the Red Chain also controled Giratina? What if the world as we knew it has been reformed by Cyrus? What if there isn't any was to restore it?

The Fic follows the adventures of Drew, a young boy that mysteriously woke up in Pallet Beach with no memory at all. Across his journey he will try to collect the badges from the remaining gyms of the Pokemon world... but little does he know of what Arceus has planned for him.
Genre: Action with a bit of Mystery and a small bit of Comedy every now and then. A OT Fic, but with actual characters from the Pokemon World every now and then.
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-15 for bits of strong language and mild suggestive themes
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
This is sort of a spoiler since it will be uploaded soon, anyways:

His eyes opened. He sat over the fine sands of the beach. Who was he? Where was he? For some reason, he couldn’t remind a single thing about himself. He was wearing a white shirt and black cargo pants. His face, scratched, as if something had attacked. Something… or someone. The sound of the waves, it was relaxing, how could you focus with that soothing sound next to you?

The sun was setting behind the horizon; the sunlight barely rubbed the waves of the ocean and the sand around him. It’s a nice day to be a victim of amnesia, that’s for sure.

He stood up, trying to make his mind up. –Who am I?-, this question echoed inside of his head as he tried to walk around the beach. He hadn’t said a thing since he woke up, so it was natural he wondered how would his voice sound, maybe a deep voice, or, a super acute voice, perhaps?


Other: English is not my first lenguage, in fact, it's Spanish, so I have grammar errors every now and then. I've been writing this in my laptop for over a year... but I'm now forced to restart since my hard drive broke and I lost every single bit of information in my computer.
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Last edited by Vato; June 7th, 2012 at 07:16 AM.
  #17    
Old June 8th, 2012, 06:07 PM
bobandbill's Avatar
bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Added to the list, Vato!

Still looking for more mentors btw, guys.
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
  #18    
Old June 10th, 2012, 07:47 PM
CyranoandArisu's Avatar
CyranoandArisu
C
 
Join Date: May 2012
Gender: Female
Category: Comprehensive, so basically, everything and anything.

Genre: Almost everything, really. My favorites, though, are hurt/comfort, angst, adventure, and fantasy.

Preferred method of contact: PM me if you want me to beta for you and I'll give my email. :3 (In other words, email.)

Examples of writing:
Quote:
As Mitsu sat down at the small tan desk, she quickly glanced at the girl she would sit next to in Physics class for the rest of the year.
The female teen had the “I-Just-Woke-Up-And-Found-Nothing-Intersting-So-I’m-Gonna-Go-Hibernate-Now-Okay-Good night” look to her. The girl had a slim figure, and was clad in the standard green school uniform. Though the fact that it was singed and torn at the edges threw her off and made her wonder whether she ran through a fire and a forest before coming to school today. Mitsu found her eyes slowly wandering higher till she found her face. She was very pale, as if she hadn’t seen the sun in years. She had pale pink lips, that weren’t smiling or frowning, but were in a rather… Neutral position. Her hair was quite wavy and alternated between the colors black and white, framing and contrasting well with her face. Mitsu kept trailing up slowly until she finally reached her eyes. She stopped there, finding something that made her blush and look down at the floor in embarrassment.
Sleepy dark blue eyes staring right back at her.
Examples of reviews/beta-reports: This is sort of the hard part for me. You see, most of the beta-ing I do takes place irl. I can't post that because I don't have any of it with me. I'm only doing one on the internet right now, and I can't post a sample because I haven't started on it yet, and I have to get permission from the author once I finish. And so, this section is going to be edited later.

Strengths/weaknesses (optional): Although I don't have any particularly terrible weaknesses I do have strength in grammar and language.
  #19    
Old June 10th, 2012, 09:57 PM
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PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
I'm open for business again.
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"I'll just... wait here then..."
  #20    
Old June 11th, 2012, 12:59 AM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
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Updated that, PhantomX0990.

CyranoandArisu - I'm afraid we do need examples of reviews/betas for this, although note that reviews for fics can be easily made here and will do, and they don't have to come from this forum either). There's no need to rush with that either; take your time with getting those.
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
  #21    
Old June 17th, 2012, 09:22 AM
Electricmudkip's Avatar
Electricmudkip
N wins at life.
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Nature: Naughty
Title of Story: Agents (it's a rewrite of one of my old fics.)
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Joseph is just your average guy with uber-famous parents. However, when his mom and best friend are kidnapped, he and his sister step up and try to get them back. Of course, what follows next is anything but average.
Genre: Adventure/Suspense.
Rating (PG, R, etc): PG-13
Type of mentor needed: Comprehensive (the main problems I have are characterization and plot)
Writing sample of story:
Spoiler:
Anna’s eyes were practically burning into my back. Or it just might have been a piece of that chair embedded in my back. Either way, I was skating on thin ice. If I told the truth, then Team Chrono would know we suspected them. Of course, Karla’s dad might not have told her what was really going on at the labs, but even if that was the case, Anna would probably kill me. I needed to think of something fast.

“I said Elias is in danger . . . because he broke something in his mom’s closet earlier.” I hoped that was a good cover-up. Elias’ mom would most likely kill him for smashing up her closet, anyways. “Whitney’s obsessed with her clothes,” I added.

My work done, I stood back and gauged everybody’s expressions. Anna looked apathetic, but there was a familiar cold anger in her silver eyes. Elias seemed nervous and embarrassed. He was most likely worried about Karla laughing at him or Whitney killing him. Karla just looked confused. “Is that all?” she asked. “Then why are you two sitting in the basement and talking about it? No offense, but you and your sister are kind of strange. Would you like to come up to a more comfortable room with us? You two don’t have to stay out of our way.” With that, she turned and left, Elias trailing her like a lost Growlithe.

Other: My writing is dialogue-heavy. I'm usually good with character interactions and not much else.
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Last edited by Electricmudkip; June 17th, 2012 at 09:26 AM. Reason: I guess this is important
  #22    
Old June 17th, 2012, 02:17 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
You've been added to the list, Electricmudkip.
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  #23    
Old June 17th, 2012, 08:10 PM
PhantomX0990's Avatar
PhantomX0990
Uh, I didn't do it.
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Minnesota
Age: 23
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
So, since I'm down to one beta overall I have a lot of extra time on my hands. I know I should pick an older posting, but Electricmudkip's request really interests me, and I think I can help them out best.

If Electricmudkip will have me of course!
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"I'll just... wait here then..."
  #24    
Old July 1st, 2012, 09:09 PM
WestsideConnection's Avatar
WestsideConnection
Bow Down
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Gender: Male
Nature: Naughty
I'm looking for a Beta Reader for my new fanfic

Title of Story: Wise Guys (WIP, if aformentioned Beta Reader has a better title idea, I will consider their opinion)
Fandom: Any Mafia movies, games etc..
Plot summary:
This story follows the story of Francisco Botenzi, who was born to two Sicilian immigrants. Out of a job, Francisco, or Frank as he is called, is forced into finding creative ways to pay his bills, and is looking for something a bit better than the labour jobs his parents were forced into. Through connections, Francisco meets Emmanuel "Manny" Rennasino, who is a successful, business oriented wise guy. Frank has started working for Manny, in order to pay his bills and create a better life for himself then he had growing up. But Frank will come to see that it isn't easy in this business.
Genre: Action, Crime
Rating: M for violence, depictions of crime, coarse language, suggestive themes, alcohol references, sexual themes (nothing too hardcore)
Type of mentor needed: comprehensive, plot, character
Writing sample of story:

Spoiler:
“ Hey Manny,” was the sound rippling through Gino’s Bar, the central drinking hole of Little Italy, the nickname of the Italian Ghetto in Seaport.

It was Antonio “Tony” Lombardi, son of the leader of the Lombardi family, Ricardo Lombardi. Tony was a bit of a spoiled brat, but in honesty, Manny didn’t mind the guy. Tony was wearing a black three-piece suit, which is what most Mafioso prefer to wear. Tony was a short guy, but built like a tank. Tony is a pretty good fighter, and few could match with him. Tony had his short black hair gelled back.

“ Hello Tony, what is it,” was Manny’s reply as he shook Tony’s hand.

Tony was usually Ricardo’s messenger boy, so Manny knew something was up. Tony motioned Manny to follow him to a booth, and the two sat down inside the booth of the Bar.

“ So, Manny it seems that French b*****d Giguere has decided to not pay his protection costs. You know, for his tailor shop on Thirty-fourth Street. I need you to remind him why he needs to pay those costs. I had Dad call off the protectors, so you can move right in,” Tony explained to Manny.

Manny nodded in approval.

“ Yea, I can send some of my guys on it,” Manny replied, brushing off Tony’s hinting that he wanted Manny to do it.

“ May I ask who these guys are, if you have made your decision,” Tony quietly asked Manny.
“ Freddy Salence and Frank Botenzi,” Manny quickly replied,

“ I’ve been looking for a chance to test Frank.”

“ Good, good,” Tony assured himself.

“ Now, I must be going now, Father has some business for me, so arrivederci my friend.” With that, Tony got up and left the bar.

That gave time for Manny to do some planning. Manny got up out of the booth and over to the public telephone. Manny picked the phone up, and began dialing Frank’s number.


Other: This is my first fanfic, but I do have RP'ing experience so keep those things in mind. (Not to sound like a d!ck) I also tend to have short chapters as well
  #25    
Old July 1st, 2012, 10:58 PM
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bobandbill
Where's that sheep...
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central Coast - Australia
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Nature: Jolly
Send a message via AIM to bobandbill Send a message via Windows Live Messenger to bobandbill
Added to the list, WestsideConnection!
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Sheep in the Big City: General Specific
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