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  #1    
Old May 19th, 2012, 02:10 AM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
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Welcome friends to my new story. This doesn't mean I have abandoned my story legend of the Dark Prince. This story is like a side-project alongside that big one. So let us begin ,shall we!

Before you read: He is a chimchar who could use the move Flareblitz which is normally
learnt only by Infernape which differentiated him from any other Chimchar. He
lived a normal life in the Eterna forest with normal Pokemon issues until a
human entered his life.(Ahem I c/ped my summary from Ff.net which has limited space, so the summary is a bit icky!)

Chapter 1

If you are a Pokémon trainer you would definitely agree that Sinnoh region is one of the most beautiful regions in the world. Summer in Sinnoh region is perhaps the most pleasant season one could enjoy. It was filled with the beautiful swarms of Beautifly that decorated the night sky, the flocks of tenacious Starly that flew from one forest to the other enjoying the morning sun.

The Eterna forest was one of the biggest forests in the land. Pokémon of various type and origin lived peacefully in harmony. Occasionally a couple of humans passed by the forest in order to capture rare Pokémon.

Because of the vast expanse the forest covered, the wild Pokémon created territories among themselves and split the forest into many parts.

This is the story of a particular Chimchar, who lived in the forest, alone. Yes he was an orphan but he had many friends, like little Teddy the Teddiursa, Uncle Smooch, the Stantler and all. His name was Chimp, it was a name that the Pokémon around named him as he didn’t have any parents.

Although his name wasn’t so creative, Chimp didn’t bother about it. He was a happy go guy, who didn’t have much to do in life other than eating berries and play with other Pokémon.

But there was something more to this little Pokémon than the happy go boy, he has a peculiar skill that separated him from any other ordinary Chimchar.

One fine morning, Chimp was following his daily routine. He jumped from one branch to another he greeted the starly that flocked around the small Oran tree to eat their fill. He passed by the Slakoth who took at least ten seconds to respond to his hello.

His friend Teddy was waiting for him at his den, worried.

“Teddy!” He called out as he hopped from the last branch and landed in front of the little bear Pokémon.

“What happened?” He asked noticing something was wrong with the other Pokémon.

Teddy wore a worried expression, the crescent shaped moon on his face looked as if it was being pulled down, “The Ursaring from the other clan have attacked our territory,”

“What?” Chimp exclaimed in surprise, for what he knew Ursaring were ferocious creatures that controlled every other Pokémon in its territory. When a clan of Ursaring claimed a place as their territory every Pokémon should bow to the Pokémon as their leader and act accordingly.

Little Teddy’s father, Uncle Brownie was an exception. He treated everyone kindly and everyone lived happily as long as they were under Brownie, which is why most of the Pokémon try to live in their territory.

But Chimp had his own issues with Uncle Brown, he was afraid of the angry expression he always carried. But it was something the Ursaring couldn’t help either, it was their natural facial feature.

“My dad has gone far to collect honey, if they find me before he comes they are going to kill me,” he was in tears.

“Don’t worry. I am going to make sure they won’t come here.” Chimp assured him. Leaving the Teddiursa the Chimchar headed towards the large Oran tree, which was the center place for the territory.

He moved swiftly hopping from one branch to the other. By the time he reached the Oran tree he noticed a large group of Pokémon gathered near the tree. All the Pokémon of that area were gathered by the Ursaring.

There were lots of them, five at least. He noticed that the Ursaring of his own territory were on the ground withering in pain.

They were not trained for battle as Uncle Brownie despised battle. And due to their rather weak battle capacity, humans ignored the Ursaring in this territory.

“Listen to what I say.” The leader Ursaring’s voice boomed in the silent forest. “We have captured your territory, and from now all of you will be under my rule. Do you understand that?”

“That is nonsense.” A Chatot yapped, “We were under Brownie and he looked after us well. Now get away from here.”

“I hate big mouthed creatures like you.” The leader said with a stern expression, “But I will make you sing a song for me,” he turned to the other Ursaring beside him. The Pokémon nodded and stepped forward.

Understanding that it was in danger, the Chatot turned around and flapped its wings vigorously to fly away. But the Ursaring opened its mouth wide open and let out a powerful streak of orange energy from its mouth. The beam outmatched the flying Pokémon and threw it into obscurity.

The Pokémon around gasped in horror, as a slightly charred Chatot dropped to the ground like a dead bird.

“Stop it, please.” The old Torterra requested the leader. Although he matched in size with the Ursaring he was rather helpless because of his age.

“Aren’t you the oldest guy here?” The leader smirked, “Then show some wisdom to them.” He approached the old Pokémon. He lifted his right arm and smacked the Torterra hard enough that its chin created a dent on the ground. The Pokémon screamed in pain.

The other Pokémon slowly moved away in fear, none of them dared to utter a sound.

“Now where is that Teddiursa?” The leader looked at the Pokémon surrounding him. They remained silent, “I don’t think you have learned your lesson yet,” he nodded to his minion.

The Pokémon grabbed two Nuzleaf and lifted them into the air. “Tell or else those Nuzleaf will be squished.”

The Pokémon remained silent, they couldn’t betray the Pokémon who has been looking after them till then, they remained silent.

“Kill them!” The leader roared he knew he needed more than words to get the information out. The other Ursaring clasped onto the two Nuzleaf tightly and spread its arms in order to smash them.

But suddenly, a powerful burst of flames struck the Pokémon on its chest. The force pushed the Pokémon back on its feet. Using the chance the Nuzleaf escaped from its clutches and scurried away.

The startled Pokémon looked in the direction, the attack came. They expected it to be from a strong Magmortar or a Houndoom. Surprisingly it was a puny Chimchar.

“Did that little pipsqueak actually attack us?” The leader Ursaring roared in laughter, the other Ursaring joined him in the laughter.

He might have bravely attacked the Ursaring but Chimp was in fact terribly intimidated by the Pokémon’s loud laughter. He was afraid of Pokémon battles in the first place, and that against an Ursaring?

“Chimchar,” The old Torterra grunted, “What are you doing? Run away from here.” The old Pokémon knew the Chimchar’s nature. He knew that he was scared of battles.

“I can’t,” Chimchar wondered if he was the one actually speaking those words. “I won’t run away while you guys suffer.”

“Ho, we have a hero here!” The Ursaring once again roared in laughter.

“Let’s see what you can do kid.” The Ursaring gestured him to attack.

“Ah now go easy on him, bro.” The leader Ursaring said mockingly.

“Oh, I shall.” The other Pokémon said, it has now assumed its battle stance by standing on all its fours.

“AHAHAHAHA.” A sudden shrill laughter grabbed their attention. It was Chatot, he had barely regained consciousness. “You are going to die, Ursaring.” The Pokémon laughed hysterically.

The Ursaring looked at the laughing Pokémon, and then turned to the Chimchar standing in front. What the heck was he speaking? The Pokémon in front didn’t pose a threat in any way.

Let’s just find out’ He suddenly lunged at the chimp Pokémon.

After getting closer, he snarled at the Chimchar, scaring the Pokémon to take a step back. It was a tactic used by the wild Pokémon. He then immediately slashed the Pokémon with the claws on his right hand.

The burning monkey screamed in pain as he landed on the ground.

The Ursaring looked at the Chimchar with a smirk. He waited for the Pokémon to get up to make it eat a second strike.

“Don’t make it dramatic, just finish it in one hit.” The leader said.

“Aye, aye boss. I just wanted to have some fun.” The Pokémon frowned at its leader. It lifted its arms to prepare its next attack, Hammer arm.

“Get up, Kid!” The Chatot screamed at the top of his voice, “We all know how strong you are.”

Chimchar slowly got onto his feet. The pain from the Slash still stung him.

“Chimchar,” This time it was the old Torterra. “You have chosen to fight.” The Pokémon said, “The ones who chose to fight are the strong and brave ones. You are strong, but if you are not brave…”

“Shut up, old geezer.” The leader slashed the Torterra on the face.

“You can do it!” The Nuzleaf screamed.

“You are not an ordinary Pokémon, you can beat that bastard!”

“You have to do it for Teddy!”

Words of encouragement started pouring from everywhere filling the confidence in the Pokémon’s heart.

“What’s with these people?” One of the Ursaring wondered.

The leader Ursaring turned to the one fighting the Chimchar who was looking around wondering why the people were so desperately cheering the little Pokémon.

“If you keep gawking like that, these fools won’t shut their traps!” He roared.

Pushed by the leader, the Ursaring roared and immediately launched his attack. He smashed his arms towards the Pokémon lying on the ground but much to his surprise, the target was gone!

The powerful Hammer arm struck the ground creating a tremor, but the target it was intended for was soaring in the air.

It softly landed few steps away on its feet.

“Show your power!” The Chatot squealed at the top of his voice, “Chimchar that can use Flare blitz!

That’s right, Chimp wasn’t just any Chimchar. He maybe timid, he may not like battles but he had one skill that made him far surpass any other Chimchar in the world, he knew a move that only an Infernape can dream to use.

The flames on its butt grew slowly engulfing the Pokémon in flames, the flames turned blue in color engulfing the Pokémon in energy.

“CHIIIMCHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!” With a loud scream Chimchar lunged at the Ursaring like a missile. At such an enormous speed he couldn’t even know what he was hitting. Before he knew his head smashed against the brown fur of the Ursaring’s chest.

After the collision he was thrown away back from where he charged. He slowly flipped in the air and landed safely on the soft grass. A powerful pain convulsed his entire body. He gritted his teeth to bear the pain.

This was why he hated battling, he was afraid of the pain the attack left him. But when he lifted his head, he noticed that the Pokémon whom he attacked was lying on the ground grunting with pain that far exceeded his.

The Ursaring watched in awe at the little Pokémon. It wasn’t even half as tall as they were; no in fact it wasn’t even half of their half!

How on earth did it use Flare blitz? The leader wondered. But the fact that one of his clan member lost to a mere Chimchar hurt his pride. “I am going to kill you, pipsqueak.” He spoke grinding his teeth. He slowly walked towards the Pokémon that was still in pain from the Flare blitz.

“That’s as far as you get.” A sturdy voice caught their attention.

All the Pokémon including Chimp turned around, to see the owner of the voice. Standing before them were two Pokémon. One of them was as tall as the Chimchar, while the other standing beside him was tall, strong and sturdy. The presence of the Pokémon itself brought smiles on the desperate Pokémon and a frown on the invading Ursarings.

“Little Teddy!” Chimp was delighted by his friend’s presence, “And mister Brownie…” He said in a low voice.

“You have done well, son.” He winked at him, “But this is my battle. Isn’t it bro?” He looked at the other leader Ursaring.

“Indeed.” The Pokémon gave a sarcastic smile.

Chimchar watched delightfully as Uncle Brownie took a proper position for the battle. The two Ursaring stood opposite to each other in their battle stances.

But as he watched the scene with gleaming eyes he suddenly felt a flash on his right.

He looked in the direction from where he felt the flash, after wondering what it was he looked at the sun. ‘The sun must be very bright today.’ He thought, but little did the Pokémon know that it wasn’t the sun but a human invention called camera that was responsible for the flash and that his life was going to turn a complete 180 degree.

Ahem, before you complain and say 'Hey Chimchar can learn Flare blitz by level-up, there is nothing special in it.' Well yes they learn the move by level-up but they evolve into Monferno long before that and in a perfect world if you haven't evolved into a Monferno yet, you can't use flare blitz! Trust me friends go with the flow don't put too much thought into it.
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The Trip to Unova: A flying-saucer, a beast and a mad-scientist.
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If you want a storyline to your fan game whether it is a ROM Hack or using RPG Maker XP, feel free to contact me!

Last edited by dracoflare; May 20th, 2012 at 08:49 PM.
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  #2    
Old May 20th, 2012, 07:54 PM
DarkIceForever's Avatar
DarkIceForever
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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That was an enjoyable read. You really hooked me in your first paragraph. That was a clear vivid visualization of Eterna Forest and the Sinnoh region in general. Nice job!

I should tell you that I did have skepticism going into the fiction. I'm am not a fan of pokemon speaking at all. Maybe it was okay when I was younger. But I tend to look at things more realistically. Pokemon are animals to me. They speak, but in their own way. I just don't like seeing it in english context so to speak. (If that made any sense.)

So let me go into some things.

This one little sentence bothered me to some extent.

Quote:
“You are not an ordinary Pokémon, you can beat that bastard!”
That use of a bad word was really distasteful. I don't really get offended by coarse language. Was it really necessary to have a pokemon curse like that? Bastard isn't a real heavy bad word but it just seemed so out of place. It's like having elmo yell stupid instead of telling you did something stupid in a nice way. (Get what I mean?) Your story was a little dark and it already had a steady and confortable level of violence. The use of bastard is extremely redundant. Pokemon aren't humans, so I would assume they had there own ways of insulting. That's where you get creative. I think you should have used something that wasn't so strong as bastard. You could have used something that was equally insulting but sounded better. (Maybe jerk?)This was my biggest issue with your story.

Quote:
The leader smirked, “Then shows some wisdom to them.”
You have a typo there. Makes the reader a little less serious about your story, so watch out. Double check, triple check...

Quote:
“Kill them.” The leader roared he knew he needed more than words to get the information out.
An exclamation point is more appropriate here since he did roar it out.

Pokemon having territorial disputes is a classic story. You handed the story quite well and I for one am pretty shocked I haven't read a story about that. I like to look at a story's overall concept first that's usually were the enjoyment comes from, for me.

I believe there were some sentences that didn't flow right.( But thanks to time I can't pin point them out for you, I'm sorry. T_T) Some parts were better than others in terms of discription. But your overall story was good and I think I'm going to give stories with pokemon dialouge a chance.
Sorry this was a short review, but I hope it made you think a little.
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  #3    
Old May 20th, 2012, 08:45 PM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
Togepi
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Gender: Male
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkIceForever View Post
That was an enjoyable read. You really hooked me in your first paragraph. That was a clear vivid visualization of Eterna Forest and the Sinnoh region in general. Nice job!

I should tell you that I did have skepticism going into the fiction. I'm am not a fan of pokemon speaking at all. Maybe it was okay when I was younger. But I tend to look at things more realistically. Pokemon are animals to me. They speak, but in their own way. I just don't like seeing it in english context so to speak. (If that made any sense.)

So let me go into some things.

This one little sentence bothered me to some extent.



That use of a bad word was really distasteful. I don't really get offended by coarse language. Was it really necessary to have a pokemon curse like that? Bastard isn't a real heavy bad word but it just seemed so out of place. It's like having elmo yell stupid instead of telling you did something stupid in a nice way. (Get what I mean?) Your story was a little dark and it already had a steady and confortable level of violence. The use of bastard is extremely redundant. Pokemon aren't humans, so I would assume they had there own ways of insulting. That's where you get creative. I think you should have used something that wasn't so strong as bastard. You could have used something that was equally insulting but sounded better. (Maybe jerk?)This was my biggest issue with your story.



You have a typo there. Makes the reader a little less serious about your story, so watch out. Double check, triple check...



An exclamation point is more appropriate here since he did roar it out.

Pokemon having territorial disputes is a classic story. You handed the story quite well and I for one am pretty shocked I haven't read a story about that. I like to look at a story's overall concept first that's usually were the enjoyment comes from, for me.

I believe there were some sentences that didn't flow right.( But thanks to time I can't pin point them out for you, I'm sorry. T_T) Some parts were better than others in terms of discription. But your overall story was good and I think I'm going to give stories with pokemon dialouge a chance.
Sorry this was a short review, but I hope it made you think a little.
Well you pointed the things you wanted to, so it doesn't matter even if it is a short review( well in fact in my dictionary this is a long review!)

Well actually the Pokemon aren't talking in English, I think it will be more clear when I introduce humans in the next episode. It will be more like watching a subtitled version of a Japanese anime and suddenly some one starts speaking in English in a Japanese anime( Beck for example in case you are into anime!)

Um, yeah Bastard was kinda over the line, I will try to tone it down a bit, but actually I am planning to introduce a character who uses harsh language in the future, but yeah I'll try to be creative then!

Also my writing style is kinda weird,it kinda depends how much patience I have at that point when I am writing. I start the story on a good note but as the story progresses things become rushed. I have indeed received that comment many a times in reviews, I am trying to correct it, so I hope don't mess good ideas with my laziness!
__________________
Legend of the Dark Prince: PC|FF.Net|

The Trip to Unova: A flying-saucer, a beast and a mad-scientist.
: PC
The Road to Nowhere: PC|FF.Net|SPPf|

If you want a storyline to your fan game whether it is a ROM Hack or using RPG Maker XP, feel free to contact me!
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  #4    
Old May 26th, 2012, 02:32 AM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Yahoo! I managed to write a chapter for this story. Ideas are amazing, but it is really difficult to put them into a proper sequence, with meaningful explanations to every situation and call it a story. But I'll tell ya, this chapter really got me emotional when I was writing. If I could transfer the same emotion to you 'perfectly' I will be the most successful writer alive, but of course I have a loooooooooooooooooooooong way to go to reach that.

The forest wind was soft and gentle. The leaves hanging onto the sturdy trees were swaying to its tunes. However the Pokémon of the Eterna forest couldn’t enjoy this gentle music, as the wonderful leaves did, for they were watching one of the most deciding battles in their wild lives.

There was a tense look on each Pokémon that was watching the battle, two large bear-like Pokémon called Ursaring charged at each other like they have been doing so for the past fifteen minutes.

It was a long battle, between two Pokémon of comparable strength. Their prides were at stake. The larger one referred to as Brownie, slashed the younger one with its sharp claws, the Pokémon retaliated with a powerful Crunch on its shoulders, rendering the older bear’s left arm useless for the rest of the battle.

But the Pokémon focused its energy into its right arm and smashed into the other’s belly. The other Pokémon skid back due to the impact, it couldn’t put any energy to brace itself. The Pokémon tripped and fell down, it’s back against the ground.

The larger Pokémon growled in victory, while the smaller whimpered in pain.

“It’s over,” Brownie said, he wiped the drool coming out of his injured jaws, “We fought each other as honorable leaders, and you lost.”

The younger Pokémon slowly tried to get up on his feet, but when he failed to do so he remained on the ground. The Pokémon behind him growled in anger, with hostile intentions they moved towards the tired larger Ursaring.

“Stop,” he halted the Pokémon. “I lost to him in a leader-against-leader. If you attack him now, you are insulting me.”

A fellow Ursaring lifted its leader slowly by the arms. The Pokémon rested its arm on the other’s shoulders, as they walked away slowly he said, “I have seen those Pokémon stand up for you, Brownie. I want to be a leader like that. I do not regret coming here.”

The large group of Ursaring then left the territory.

“Good job holding the fort for me,” Brownie smiled at Chimp, the Pokémon stared at him blankly, he was a bit scared of him but at the same time felt a kind of admiration.

“Chimp will you come to my house today?” Little Teddy asked him, “Dad brought some great honey, we can have a cool dinner.” And without letting him answer the question, the Teddiursa walked away to assist his tired father.

The Pokémon around slowly started dispersing none failing to greet Chimchar before they left. This was the second time he received that kind of respect.

The first one was when a group of hunters attacked them. He didn’t know what happened then, his memory was slightly hazy but he remembered that he struck the hunter’s Pokémon with a powerful Flare blitz.

That was when he learned of the move, and that he was a ‘special kid’ to learn that move before evolving into an Infernape.


---------------------------

A bit far away from the Oran tree where the battle took place, a certain young boy watched everything in awe.

“Did you see that Mimi?” He said to the bunny Pokémon standing beside him. The Pokémon was as tall as the trainer beside her. Her skin was a chocolate brown, with cream colored fluffy hair that decorated its nimble feet and the long ears, a Pokémon that was definitely popular among girls for its beauty and soft-huggable skin.

But the Lopunny’s trainer had other intentions. He was one of those regular trainers whose sole aim in life was to be a Pokémon master. He definitely had the intelligence to be one, and he was kind too.

“Too bad, I can’t catch a normal-type now.” He winked at her, well she knew what he meant. He chose her as his normal type Pokémon and it was his policy to not catch two Pokémon of the same type. It was one of his strategy-issues, which she didn’t understand much.

“But that Chimchar,” she saw the shine in his eyes, “A Wild Chimchar that can use Flare blitz!”

Oh, he was excited and she knew what it meant. They will hunt down that Pokémon and catch it. He will be her fifth and last companion then.

She looked at the Pokémon unaware of the future awaiting it and innocently talking to the large Torterra.

--------------------------

“You have done a good job,” The Torterra said in a deep but gentle voice, “What you have done today is a brave thing.”

“But,” the Pokémon hung his head in shame, “I am not brave.”

“After what have you done today?” The Pokémon lifted its head and looked at the elder, “Listen, child. You possess something others do not, that is strength. And what do you think you should do with this strength? You must use it, like you did today. That should be your destiny.”

“M-My destiny…” Chimp muttered.

“Now go, little Teddy is waiting for you. He must be very grateful to you.”

Chimchar nodded, talking to the elder made him feel better. He wasn’t really afraid of battles, but because of the pain that came from it. But he will endure it, and save people like he did today.

That day he firmly resolved to himself, I will protect the weak, I will become strong.

This is my destiny!

But as if fate wanted to laugh at him for deciding his destiny the next incident happened.

He was jumping from one branch to the other like he usually would. He was headed for Little Teddy’s.

He passed by the large Oak tree and jumped onto the next one, there was nobody else around. Everyone must have been hiding in their caves and dens because of today’s incident, he thought.

The atmosphere was calm and silent with nothing but the rattling of the branches as he hopped from one to the other. Then suddenly there was a powerful blow on his head. The blow took off his balance completely. He was soon flying in the air and abruptly landed on something soft. He got up immediately, a sharp pain in his head made him dizzy. He stuttered while he tried to stand but tried regaining his balance.

“Over there Mimi, in the bushes.” He heard a voice. The language was incomprehensible, but the tone was familiar. He was being ordered to attack, but by whom?

He looked around to see what struck him, and suddenly in the air he noticed a Lopunny, the Pokémon’s knee was facing him, ready to strike him.

Despite the throbbing headache, his animalistic instincts told him to get away from there. He jumped to the right, immediately. The Lopunny crashed straight into the ground.

“Good heavens!” The Pokémon screamed right before it crashed. The Lopunny then landed into the bush with a loud thud.

Whatever happened just now entirely confused him. Why in the world did that Pokémon attack him? Was she a bad one? Was she sided with the Ursaring?

“Ow,” She screamed in pain clutching onto her knee. The attack she used was Jump Kick, a move with severe consequences in case it missed its target.

“Are you okay?” Chimp asked her; although he shouldn’t be doing so considering that she attacked him first.

“Why the heck are you so fast?” She shouted back getting back onto her feet.

“You okay, Mimi?” A large figure suddenly came into the scene. The creature wasn’t as tall as the Ursaring, but it was certainly a lot taller than him. He was a human.

The Lopunny nodded to its trainer.

“Lopunny, Double edge!” The Pokémon’s trainer commanded again, and yet again Chimchar didn’t understand a word of what he said.

“Heh little guy, you are going down!” She said gritting her teeth.

He didn’t know what was going on, but he understood it was trouble.

Lopunny slowly took a step back. Its left leg was positioned behind the right. Using the left leg as a support it lunged forward preparing to strike Chimp with its right shoulder. The Pokémon was surrounded in a white aura that made it seem like a living rocket.

The blur of a light called Double-edge was racing towards the trembling Chimchar, this time he didn’t get enough time to jump away from the attack.

The next instant he was flying in the air and just when he seemed to enjoy the flight his back struck against something solid, a tree to be exact.

Chimchar dropped down to the ground, his back was aching with pain, and so was his head. The attack that struck was very powerful, he didn’t have any strength left. He couldn’t even open his eyes properly.

He felt a sweet sensation, a sensation that called him to sleep, to escape the pain and that was to get unconscious.

“Lopunny, use Attract on it,” the human commanded the bunny Pokémon. Using Attract would improve his chances capturing Chimchar.

But the Pokémon looked at its trainer as if he asked her to do something unbelievable.

Defiantly she asked, “Seriously? He’s a little kid. I won’t use it on him.”

The human couldn’t comprehend what she was saying, but he understood she was refusing the order, “What’s wrong Mimi?”

Mimi turned her head, causing the long ears to swing along with it. She crossed her arms indicating that she won’t use Attract on the Chimchar.

“You have gotten strange after evolving, you know,” he smiled.

Meanwhile, although the pain was calling him to lose consciousness Chimp was fighting back to stay awake. To him he was his own enemy. His fear of pain always held him back from fights, but today shall be different.

He will fight. Fight to escape from the human who was planning to capture him. Then he would get stronger, and protect everyone in the forest from any danger. Yes he wanted to become a hero. Do you have any problem with it?

Ignoring the pain that was piercing his head he got onto his feet.

“Whoa, this little guy is strong, Mimi.” The trainer applauded the Pokémon’s efforts to stand up. “We gotta catch him for sure.”

“Double-Edge!” Came the next command from his mouth.

The Lopunny prepared to use the same attack again. The pain from the previous attack shook him up; he has to stop this one!

With the raw determination to escape the pain, he stood up to prepare his own attack.

“CHAAAAAAAAR!” The flames engulfed him completely, with the raw power of Flare blitz on his side he charged at the Lopunny who was coming towards him with equal force.

He thrust forward with intense power.

Power is an amazing thing, it drives you forward, it engulfs you like the flames engulfed Chimchar and then you want to empower others.

And when we charge with that power we imagine ourselves to pierce everyone with it and defeat them. It is called delusion.

But in reality when you charge forward with power, someone else with more power will stand in your way. And when they beat you down, the reality is hard to imagine.

Chimp didn’t know what happened. A second earlier he was charging against the Lopunny imagining his power to defeat her.

But now he was facing a head on collision with the Lopunny. He thrust his skull against her shoulder both of which were prepared to destroy the other.

The energy filled with blue flames fought against the white aura that engulfed Lopunny, like the Pokémon they clashed with each other and fought for supremacy, the result was a wonderful spark and then the spark grew into a violent mixture of energy and then it exploded!

The force pushed both Pokémon away from the center of explosion.

A powerful pain struck the ape Pokémon. His arms were jabbed with pain, his fingers went numb and his head throbbed with extreme pain.

He wanted to avoid pain, but he only received more of it.

“Not bad, kiddo.” The Lopunny muttered.

He couldn’t stand anymore; before he knew he was lying down supporting himself with his arms.

“Alright, good job Mimi.” The trainer praised her, “Now leave everything to me.” He stepped forward.

Now this really puzzled him, what on earth could a human do? As far as he knew humans don’t have the combat ability Pokémon possess.

The Pokémon trainer pulled something from his bag.

Chimp immediately recognized what it was. It was the same object that humans used to confine Pokémon.

“Pokéball go!” The trainer tossed it at him.

The urge to run away put energy into his legs, he used every ounce of the energy left in him to run away but it was too late, the ball struck him on his head, it was a gentle strike when compared to the double edge.

But what came after terrified him the most.

The Pokéball opened, a red ray of light engulfed his body before he knew what happened.

It wasn’t pain, but a weird feeling which one couldn’t describe. He felt as if his whole body was falling apart. Each of his organs were moving on their own tearing him into pieces, but he didn’t feel pain.

Something was happening to his body and there was no pain. That terrified him the most.

Pain is a countermeasure sent to the brain so that it could execute a motion that reduced the damaged caused by the source of the pain.

And when your whole body was falling apart, slowly turning into something you can’t even recognize the lack of pain would definitely terrify you, won’t it?

The painless torture didn’t stand for long, he soon found himself inside the depths of darkness.

-----------------------------

Meanwhile in the cave that stood by the small lake, a certain bear Pokémon was eagerly helping his father in arranging the honey properly with the meat making a dish that the Ursaring and Teddiursa took pride in.

It was the meat of a Stantler. It was his father’s habit to look around the forest to find fresh dead Pokémon to eat.

Although they were carnivorous Pokémon, his father never hunted the food; they mostly ate flesh of dead Pokémon. Sometimes the other Pokémon of the forest offer their dear ones who were either dead or needed a mercy death from a hopeless injury.

And if nothing of that sort was available they would eat berries like most other Pokémon.

Today was a special day, his best friend Chimp was going to have a dinner with them.

It wasn’t any ordinary dinner. It was honey dinner, honey picked from the hives of Combee.

“Did he come yet dad?” He asked his father Brownie who just entered the den.

Brownie smiled at his son’s enthusiasm. He was a good natured kid and he will grow up into a fine Ursaring.

“He will come dear, I am sure he would love your invitation,” He placed his paw on the Teddiursa, “That poor guy is getting thinner and thinner every time I see him. You should look after him.”

“I will dad,” he smiled.

Then he sat down at the entrance of the den waiting for the Chimchar, imagining the both of them grow up into powerful Ursaring and Infernape who looked after the entire forest and made sure every Pokémon was happy.

He waited eagerly to tell Chimp about it, and they would imagine the scene together.

Little did the Pokémon know that he was not returning, not any time soon.

----------------------------------

The darkness was unbearable, it gave him some kind of warmth that comforted him but he did not want to stay in it. It was alien to him, and he hated it for that reason.

He felt a strange barrier closing in trying to close his fate forever. But he couldn’t give up, not yet.

He has finally resolved to run away from fear, to become a hero. He wanted to share his resolve with Teddy, his best friend. He was the only one to listen to his dreams without laughing.

He caught the barrier with what he thought were his hands.

With every little amount of energy left in him he pushed the barrier open. At first it felt impossible but then he finally saw it, a ray of light. An indication of hope.

With the ray of hope he pushed forward and forward and then it finally opened. The gate to his freedom.

He thrust forward and before he knew what happened he was standing on the forest grass again.

He looked around wondering if it was a dream. As if to tell him that it was reality, the sharp headache returned and so did the numbness in his hands and the aching of his back.

“Aww, that’s a 1000 Poké dollar Ultra-ball down the drain.” The trainer groaned.

So freedom wasn’t so easy to gain after all, he thought. There were still two obstacles before him, the human and that Lopunny standing behind him looking at him with interest.

But he will fight and win, for he was the Chimchar that can use Flare blitz and nothing can beat him.

He prepared himself to charge again, but the opponent before him stood calmly.

“Let’s do this again.” He said with a smile, the sweet smile on the human looked like an evil grin to him.

And the next instant, the object was flung against him, again.

The terrible dream repeated again as his body dispersed into a ray of light. The darkness engulfed him again, but this time he couldn’t fight with the same will power.

It was as if someone was making a bad joke out of him, every time he resolved to fight back he was thrown away into defeat, into despair, and into an abyss where he couldn’t even dream to find a ray of light.

He lost his consciousness slowly and entered into the dream world, where he was still a hero of the Eterna forest.

An out of chapter explanation. Although it is kind of obvious when you read the story, I am just clearing it up in case people didn't follow. Pokemon don't normally understand human language, but human language is very easy to learn/ understand and so wild Pokemon can easily learn English(only the listening part) once they passed sufficient time with humans.
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  #5    
Old May 31st, 2012, 08:20 AM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
Togepi
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Gender: Male
A/N: From this chapter each character from ‘The Chimchar that can use Flareblitz!’ will talk about the story or the Chimchar himself.

The air was pleasant and comfortable. It was a lot more comfortable than the Eterna winds. It wasn’t warm, or cool, it was perfect.

His body wasn’t aching like it did few hours ago. His brain slowly remembered the painful incidents that took place. He opened his eyes wondering if it was a dream.

The first thing he noticed was the plain and white ceiling. He was lying on something comfortable and very smooth. It was white much like the ceiling. On the wall straight before his eyes was some kind of object that breathed out the comfortably cool air.

Where was the blue sky covered with white clouds? Where was the lush green grass, the moist smell of his burrow?

“You have waked up, finally.” A soft voice cooed, he turned to his right. Standing there was a pink blob with two small eyes that hardly matched its stature.

“I am Blissey, the Pokémon assisting Nurse Joy.”

“Who is that?” He asked meekly, still without a clue where he was, “Where am I?”

“I see.” The Pokémon smiled, “You are a newly caught Pokémon, aren’t you.”

Well he didn’t exactly comprehend how she said it as if it were a simple thing but he said, “Yes, I was caught by a human.”

“Your trainer is very kind,” She said. “He brought you here immediately after catching you, you are one lucky guy.”

Lucky? How was this being lucky? He was supposed to be playing with Little Teddy and start his training to be a hero! And yet here he was talking to some weird Pokémon he never met. Talking about the kindness of the human who separated him from his friends.

The curtains of the room were moved out of the way as a woman stepped in. She was a human, Chimchar recognized immediately.

She was tall, taller than the boy who caught him, had pink hair and a kind blue eyes. For some reason all the hatred he bore till then disappeared after looking into her face.

“Oh my, you are one energetic little guy.” She said, the language was incomprehensible but the expression on the Blissey’s face told him that she was saying something good.

“That’s Nurse Joy.” Blissey introduced her. “She treats injured Pokémon like you.”

Chimp looked at the human in wonder.

So she was the one who healed me.’ He thought.

The woman slowly took him into her arms. Although he was scared for a second, her grip was smooth. She gently held him with her two hands and lifted him up beyond her head level.

She was soft, kind and seemed to handle him very well. Her arms were warm and her looks carried affection, it made Chimchar warmer. He remembered this warm feeling he was feeling now. The last time he had such feeling was when his mother held him before she died.

Without his knowledge his legs danced in the air, and he made a soft sound that showed his happiness.

“Alright, I’ll take you to your trainer.” Placing him on the bed she took a Pokéball from the tray which carried five others. She held the Pokéball in his direction to return him into it.

Impulsively he placed a hand between the Pokéball and his face as if to protect himself from something attacking him.

“Oh,” she paused noticing the Pokémon’s fear. “He must be afraid of the Pokéball, I think.”

Blissey nodded in agreement. It was a common syndrome in newly caught Pokémon and she knew what to do in such situations.

Nurse Joy placed him on the tray with five other Pokéball. She then pushed the tray through the door into another room with little Chimp looking at her in wonder.

Now this was something he never expected. The room she took him was in fact the Pokémon Center’s reception counter. The Center was really big and much to Chimchar’s surprise there were many humans than he ever expected and with them were Pokémon.

There were many kinds of human short, tall, long, stout. They were all talking with each other or caressing their Pokémon. It was an unusual sight.

“Thank you for waiting trainer, your Pokémon are now completely healthy.” She placed the tray on the wooden table.

The table in fact surprised him, it felt like the trees he used to climb in the forest but yet they weren’t trees, they were something different.

“He seems to be fascinated by the human world,” Nurse Joy smiled. She grabbed Chimchar’s hand, “Come on little guy, say hi to your trainer.”

He didn’t notice it till then, but standing in front of the table was the same human who commanded the Lopunny to attack him and catch him with that device.

“Nice to meet you, buddy.” He tried holding Chimp, the sudden move made him jump back in fear.

“Be patient,” the nurse said. “This one seems to be sensitive. Also, it would be for the best if you don’t put him in a Pokéball for some time.”

“Alright,” he turned to Chimp again and gave him a bright smile. He didn’t notice it earlier but Chimp realized that the look on the human’s face was kind too, not as kind as Nurse Joy but kind enough.

“Hi Chimchar, my name’s Larry.” He greeted formally, “I want to be a Pokémon master and I want your help in that, will you come with me?” He placed a hand on the table for the Chimchar to shake.

He couldn’t understand what he was saying but he had a kind expression, and he was asking something.

He was a human who could force him to do whatever he wishes and yet he seems to be ‘asking’ him for help.

It felt good. Somehow the boy’s face looked friendly to him now.

He placed his hand in the boy’s. The boy grasped the hand firmly with a bright face.

The boy slowly took him into his arms and patted him on his head. It was amazing, how he was caring for him, spending time on him, and how he was petting him and telling something in his human language which he couldn’t understand. But yet he was talking to him. He suddenly felt important.

He always had a sense of insecurity that the people around didn’t care for him. It was somewhat true. Nobody cared about an orphan like him other than his friend Teddy.

They were out of the Pokémon center and there he saw more wonders. There were lot more humans than he had ever imagined, instead of the green colors of the forest he saw something more colorful.

There were many things humans built, to live in, to move from one place to the other with ease and they were all colorful. But it wasn’t just humans there were lots of Pokémon like him, few he recognized, few he never saw in his life. And they all seemed to be busy with their own work rushing along as if someone was hunting them, immersed in their worlds talking with their Pokémon or another human being.

It was all like a whole new world to him, something he has never seen in his life. It was new and yet he wasn’t scared, because the boy was carrying him.

After what seemed like an eternity the boy walked towards his destination, the Eterna Park. He placed the Pokémon on the ground. Although it wasn’t heavy it was hot which made him sweat. He placed it slowly on the grass beside a bench.

Chimp wasn’t aware what was going on. Till then he thought that they were exploring the human world but it seems he had other plans.

The human took out five Pokéball from his belt and threw them into the air, all at once, “Come on out, everybody!”

The five balls much to Chimp’s shock exploded five streaks of white light. Each of the white light materialized into a Pokémon.

The sudden presence of five more Pokémon surprised him a bit. He could recognize the Pokémon standing to the left. It was the Lopunny that attacked him.

Next to her was a Pokémon he never met, it was white in color with green arms and a brownish bottom, the Pokémon reminded him of snow for some reason.

In the center standing with an intimidating look on its eyes was a large metal bird with a sharp beak. Next was a Pokémon he recognized, a Raichu.

And finally another Pokémon he has never seen, dark blue colored face and wings and a rather light blue colored bottom part. It had golden eye brows that joined above its nose. The Pokémon carried an air of pride. It puffed its chest to look strong in front of the newcomer.

“Guys meet your new friend Taylor, a Chimchar.” He announced.

“Nice to meet you Taylor.” The blue Pokémon to the right waved his blue wings, “I am Bubbles, the mighty Prinplup.”

“Taylor?” As far as he remembered, he was called Chimp the Chimchar. Then why did the Mighty Prinplup call him Taylor?

“Larry named you,” Mimi spoke, “I guess you don’t understand human at all. Don’t worry you’ll start to understand what he’s saying pretty soon. In any case I am Mimi, and I am a Lopunny.”

“Me, Please!” The white colored Pokémon was jumping with excitement. The remaining Pokémon sighed silently and signaled him to proceed, “I am Freeze, and I am a Snover.”

“I am Riley, and I am a Raichu of course.” The Pokémon waved.

The large bird who was left out opened his eyes and eyed the Chimchar carefully, “Steele the Skarmory, I wouldn’t mind you as long you put that flaming butt away from my face.” He closed his eyes again, acting disinterested.

“Well, I guess you guys have introduced yourselves.” Larry bent over and took Chimchar into his arms, “Taylor, you are an amazing Pokémon. I can’t wait to use you in tomorrow’s gym match.”

Taylor looked at the Lopunny, Mimi with a quizzed expression.

“I’ll explain it to you later,” Mimi said, for now she had to serve as a translator.

“I’ll leave you guys out for now, I’ll go grab something for dinner, okay?”

Mimi nodded, “Sure!” She said.

After Larry left she turned towards Taylor, “Humans don’t understand what we say, but they try their best to understand us. Our language is sadly limited and poor when compared to theirs.”

“Larry intends you to use in tomorrow’s battle, you are lucky.” Riley smiled.

“B-Battle?” Although he knew what a battle meant he didn’t understand the context.

“You see, the main reason humans catch us is so that they could use us in special battles called Pokémon battles.”

That was somewhat of a surprise to him. Although he expected worse he didn’t like battles at all! But he tried to remain calm. He shouldn’t jump into conclusions, like old Torterra once said.

“But battles are fun,” Snover danced around, “And Larry is a good guy. C’mon let’s sing a song for Larry.”

He didn’t stop dancing till a sharp piercing and warring look from Steele made him to do so.

“Anyway battling is a big deal for humans, but in exchange they show us gratitude, plus if you like them, battles are fun.” Mimi finished.

“The six of us will work like a team,” Riley added, “For example: you are weak against water types. So if you face a water type Larry will switch you out for me, because I can handle them with my punches.” He said throwing his fists into the air, “Trust me Taylor, it will be fun.”

“Larry’s keen on winning tomorrow’s battle.” Mimi said, “He challenged this gym back when he started out. All he had to challenge her with was me, Riley and Bubbles. I was a Buneary back then.”

“The three of you were with him from the beginning?” He asked.

“Well actually Bubbles was his first Pokémon.” Riley explained, “Humans start with a Pokémon given by somebody else and catch the remaining on their own.”

“So, the mighty Prinplup was his first Pokémon?” Bubbles was sleeping on the bench, unaware of the Snover who was freezing his feet with an Icy wind.

“He is just a Prinplup. The “mighty” part is just a stupid adjective he put on himself.” Mimi said.

Taylor looked on as Bubbles woke up suddenly. Not knowing that his feet was frozen he tried to get up and walk and fell down in the process.

The rest of them laughed as he tried to get up and fell down again, he then screamed at Freeze who was laughing at him and dancing around.

An annoyed Steele used his move, Steel wing and broke the ice.

The now angry Bubbles now chased Freeze.

It was amazing, till yesterday he had only one friend and today there were five others. They all had different personalities which made it all the more fun. If the sacrifice to all this was pain, he should suffer a bit. He could battle a bit every day and enjoy the rest of the time with these friends.

But, was he capable enough to win the battles for Larry? What if he loses? Will Larry torture him till he gets strong or leave him into the forest again? Then he has to live again, alone trying hard to make friends while everyone ignored him.

“What is it Taylor?” Mimi asked, she quickly grasped the uncertainty in his face.

Taylor didn’t know what to say. Should he be honest and tell her what he was thinking? Will she laugh if he says what he has in his mind? Will she listen to him in the first place?

“Speak out, kid.” She folded her arms. “You can share anything with me.”

“Well,” He pause for a second hesitating once again, “Do you think I am strong enough for him.”

There was a smile on her face, then it turned into a big sigh, “If you aren’t strong, Larry wouldn’t have caught you in the first place.”

What? That hardly made sense, or did it? He pondered.

“Larry is a good guy but he wants to be the best trainer that exists. He doesn’t want to catch weak Pokémon at the same time he couldn’t hurt a Pokémon’s feelings too. So instead he observes a Pokémon for at least two or three hours before he decides to catch them.”

Wait? Does that mean he was strong enough? It shouldn’t be a surprise considering how he fought that Ursaring but he doesn’t know the standards of ‘good’ for humans, which caused him to doubt his strength.

“You are really an innocent kid, you know?” She bent and gave him a peck on his cheek. He didn’t know why but he felt his heart race for a second.

While he was puzzled by the troubled feeling he didn’t notice that the remaining Pokémon, which incidentally were all males, stood with their mouths wide open and surprised look on their faces.

“I am back,” Larry came back with a large cover in his hand.

“Yay!” Snover jumped excited, “Let’s all sing a song for Larry!”

“Shut up!” Steele waved him off surprisingly putting the energetic Pokémon to silence.

Larry placed six bowls on the ground, each with the names of the Pokémon engraved on it. He looked at the sixth bowl and smiled, Taylor will be mad if he knows I named a Pokémon after him.

“Alright! Dinner’s ready!” The bowls were filled with brown colored material that didn’t vaguely resemble anything like food. Then again the only food he ate in the forest was berries and meat, Taylor thought.

Freeze rushed to his bowl and started gulping the food. Watching him eat made him hungry too.

Mimi took her bowl and sat on the bench like a human and started eating her food. Riley took his bowl and sat beside Larry and ate as he petted the Raichu.

Bubbles took his food and sat somewhere far away so that no one could see him eating and then pounced on the food.

Steele on the other hand was thrusting his beak at the bowl with high speed. The food started disappearing slowly amidst the fast movements of its beak.

“Here have yours too, Taylor.” Larry showed the Pokémon towards the food.

The Chimchar gingerly took the brown pellets into his hand and put it into his mouth. He crunched it slowly letting the taste sink into his tongue.

The next thing he knew he forgot his surroundings and pounced at the food eating like it was his last day on earth. The events with the Ursaring and the battle with Mimi left him tired and hungry. But he was used to hunger ever since he was a kid which made him withstand it till now.

After the dinner Taylor realized how tired he was despite the rest he took in the Pokémon Center and closed his eyes for a second while the other Pokémon played among each other. Instantly he went deep into sleep.

“Aw, he’s asleep already.” Larry was disappointed. “I guess he will have his training straight in the match.”


-------------------------

The night passed quickly, but when he opened his eyes he was in a strange place. The world was constantly moving as if he was walking. It was the same place as yesterday, the Pokémon Center.

“Wow, did you manage to put him into the Pokéball without scaring him off?” The woman asked.

“Actually, I put him in when he’s asleep.” He said. “I want you to check Steele, Freeze and Taylor.”

He was then moved from the place he was watching everything from and put in another place. Now all he could see was the woman, Nurse Joy.

“Challenging the gym?” She asked, her hand soon enveloped his vision. When his vision was back there was a huge flash of light on his face. The light stayed on for few seconds and disappeared.

“Your Pokémon are in top gear,” She said putting him back.

“Thanks,” Another hand grabbed him and then he found himself in the earlier position. It took him some time to figure out. But he finally realized he was watching the entire scene through his Pokéball.

“Good luck for your gym match,” She said with a smile.

So, Mimi and the others might be doing the same too? He turned around, he saw Pokéball on either side, but it was impossible to look what was going inside. It was like a one-way traffic. People inside can see what’s going outside, but the outsiders can’t see the inside.

He watched patiently as Larry walked out of the center and walked towards his destination, the Gym.

Although he didn’t know what that exactly Larry meant but he understood he was going to battle under Larry’s command against another Pokémon like him. There will be a lot of pain involved.

He wished he had never attacked the Ursaring back in the forest. Then Larry wouldn’t have found him and—

He felt repelled by his own thinking. If he hadn’t stopped the Ursaring the Nuzleaf would have been dead and they would have caught Teddy too.

And besides that, he found some amazing friends here like Mimi, Freeze and even Steele who acted like he never cared about others. But he knew deep down he was enjoying everything.

And the fun part was, they were of different species. Every moment from the start of his memory line he wanted to find another Chimchar like him or at least a Monferno or an Infernape. His friends always composed of creatures of different species. But they had other Pokémon of their own species whom they spent their time with. Even little Teddy had other Teddiursa to play with.

But here all of them were of different species and yet enjoyed each other’s company.

His thoughts were interrupted by a female voice, “You have come back after three whole months, Larry.”

It was a woman with a brown hair, and her appearance resembled the grand Oran tree for some reason.

“I have gotten a lot stronger since then, Eterna.”

“Let’s see how much you have improved.”

Everything went quickly, the woman and Larry took opposite stances in what seemed to be an open land. Another woman came and told something in the human language.

“Now challenger send your first Pokémon,”

“Alright.” There was confidence in Larry’s voice. “My first Pokémon,” he heard Larry’s voice speak something, at the same time Larry took Taylor’s Pokéball in his hand.

Then it dawned on the Chimchar, he was being sent first!

“I choose you, Taylor!” The next thing he knew he felt a barrier of some sort open, the next instant he was on the grassy field of the Eterna gym.

Character Review: Rawr! I am the Brownie the Ursaring. I heard that some strange human nerd is writing Chimchar’s story. I’ll tell ya, Chimchar is a great guy. Although he has been ignored by the people from the forest he kept trying to win their attention and made friends with them. But even if he is such a great guy he kept facing one incident after the other, each one shook him up and broke his dream—oops that’s a spoiler!

And finally Review this story or else I will strangle you with your own gut! Just kidding! You know I am a good guy, don’t you?
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  #6    
Old June 1st, 2012, 11:55 AM
DarkIceForever's Avatar
DarkIceForever
Booted out - don't be like me!
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: California
Gender: Female
Nature: Adamant
Forgive me if I'm a little late on reviewing. I was going to post a review last night but I got sidetracked and you know life and whatnot.

In general the last two chapters have lost some of the enjoyment that I liked. It hasn't gotten better than when I first read and it hasn't gotten bad; which I guess is good. (But I'm pretty sure you want it to get better and better)

Also are the last two posts part of chapter one? Or is it chapter two and three? You didn't note that so I'm not sure if you are continuing chapter one.


The thing that kinda got me off guard was the trainer even though you did metion it in the start. My first assumption of this story was that is was going to be a tale about a wild pokemon living in the wild and has his life suddently changed by a human. The way Chimp has his life changed was a little bit too simple.

Quote:
“Hi Chimchar, my name’s Larry.” He greeted formally, “I want to be a Pokémon master and I want your help in that, will you come with me?” He placed a hand on the table for the Chimchar to shake.

As soon as Chimp got captured I sighed a little.

So in all aspects this has become a journey fic, which I usually find a little dull, but this case the POV is through Chimp (Taylor). That should make things a bit more interesting. So far I've enjoyed how you depicted how a newly captured pokemon reacts. He's scared, he's nervous, but I do have to say he did warm-up pretty quickly to the other pokemon in Larry's team. You got me speculating, which is good, because I still feel wrapped in the story. I always say a story that gives me room to let my own imagination go wild is a good story.

But, my biggest let-down again was Chimp being captured, because my specuation was off. (I'll get over it) I am not against this new direction you're taking. But I can't help but feel my lack of interest in journey fics. Although your fiction did not start off cookie-cutter I do have my doubts because of the vast majority of journey fics that die in five or six chapters. I should caution you that even though this is a journey fic through a pokemon's POV it still might end up the cookie cutter.

Sure you did set up an intresting backstory to Chimp (Taylor), I hope you don't forget about it and just focus on battles and gyms and ect.. Things are starting to get a little complex.

I'm sure you will be able to write a good story so I'm still going following this story and hope it gets better.

I do feel like you are rushing into things. Larry feels over enthusiastic at times. He just caught Chimp and already he's into a gym battle. Which is not a bad thing but it's evidence of his zeal, which might get pesky to some extent.

If you need me to clarify a little bit more don't hesitate to ask. I know I can be a little confusing at times.

Last edited by DarkIceForever; June 1st, 2012 at 11:59 AM. Reason: POOP
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  #7    
Old June 1st, 2012, 07:02 PM
dracoflare's Avatar
dracoflare
Togepi
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Gender: Male
Trust me it is not a Journey fic. The story is in its phase two, there is actually another plot twist waiting for you. This turn of events is just another experience for the Chimchar that can use Flareblitz.

Just be patient and read two more chapters, you'll see where the story will go!
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