The PokéCommunity Forums  

Go Back   The PokéCommunity Forums > Creative Discussions > Fan Fiction and Writing
Sign Up Rules/FAQ Live Battle Blogs Mark Forums Read

Notices

Fan Fiction and Writing Submit your stories and poems.


Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1    
Old August 6th, 2012, 12:01 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
Hello there! I'm Rubyroo, but you can call me Ruru.

This is a Nuzlocke fanfiction, meaning that I can only catch the first Pokemon of each route, and if it faints, it dies.

I have found that playing the Nuzlocke Challenge is a new way to look at a Pokemon game, and it brings back some of the old spice when playing a game! I've found it addicting.

The title is from the series "The Fire Within", so I don't take any credit in making the name up - you should read it; it's a good series.

There IS swearing in this fic, and its rating is T for Teen!

Without further ado, let's begin!



--------------------
[PROLOGUE]


A man who was a little over middle age was sitting at his desk in front of a computer screen and was typing away, as if he were in a rush to get whatever he was doing done quickly. He frowned, and the age lines around his face made him appear much older than he actually was. He continued typing for a few minutes, this time with less ferocity, and soon after he stood up and walked away from his computer towards the window. It was a beautiful day, and the Pidgey were flying around without a care in the world. Sometimes a Pidgey would stand in the birdbath, and the man wished that he could go out and feed them.

Sometimes the man would imagine that he was young again, and that he and his Pokémon were out traveling the world. But not today. He had something very important to do today. There's always tomorrow… His thoughts were soon interrupted.

"Professor Oak, Ms. Skye is here to see you. Shall I send her in?" one of his aides popped his head in through the door, being careful not to invade the professors' privacy.

"Hm? Oh, yes. Please send her in." The professor moved to the corner of his office and sat in a comfortable leather chair as a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair entered the room cautiously. "Ah, Amber… it's so nice to see you."

The woman smiled at him and walked across the room to sit across from the professor. "Professor Oak… there's something I need to talk to you about."

The professor immediately noticed that the woman was nervous. "Amber, you don't need to be anxious around me. We've known each other for years – we're all friends here."

Amber smiled hesitantly this time before crossing and re-crossing her legs.

"I have something to ask of you. I know that every year, you give new Trainers their first Pokémon." She paused, and the professor was looking at her expectantly. "Well… I…"

"You were wondering if I was to give your daughter her first Pokémon?" the professor finished her sentence.

"Yes! But it's just that… you know how she is. Ever since… the incident… she's not been the same." Amber was starting to tear up, her golden eyes seemed to be glowing as her face started to swell and turn red. "It pains me to see her like this! It's been eight years since it happened! Even though she can't remember… she's still not gotten over the trauma."

Professor Oak sighed and stood up. "Amber, you must remember that there was no other way."

The woman stood up and brushed the wrinkles out of her flowing pink and blue dress. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, she said, "Professor Oak, please… please help my daughter."

With a determined expression on his face, he looked at her and said, "I will do what I can. Ultimately, she has to make the decision."

Amber looked a little bit happier as the professor pulled her into a fatherly hug. "Thank you…"

Professor Oak rubbed her back. "Now you go on home, I'll make sure I talk to her."

Amber strode towards the door, much more confident than how she entered. Professor Oak remembered a time when he first saw her, when she had moved into town with her Pokémon, a Pontya. He remembered when her face was free of age, and her hair was vibrant and her demeanor filled with confidence. Her daughter was riding on the Ponyta, giggling with glee and staring straight at her mother. Standing in the shadows under the tree was her father, talking on a cell phone with his back turned away from them.

Oh, but that was a long time ago…

Last edited by Rubyroo; August 6th, 2012 at 12:15 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #2    
Old August 6th, 2012, 12:14 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
[PART ONE]



"Honey, I'd like you to run this over to Professor Oaks' Lab for me, okay?" Amber addressed her daughter, who was sitting on the couch and aimlessly channel surfing. The girl softly grunted a reply, her eyes never leaving the television. Amber ruffled the envelope she had in her hand, an envelope that held an important transcript of what happened that day. A police report. Her daughter didn't know of it – how could she after what happened – and that was how Amber intended it to stay. "Blue, did you hear me? This is important – I need you to bring this to Professor Oak right now."

The girl fidgeted in her seat on the couch. She wasn't really watching the TV. Nothing seemed to attract her attention in the years since the incident. She was searching for a way to make her mind melt. All she could do was think, think, think. Oh, how terrible it was! Night after night was the same nightmare. Day after day, it was the same monotone routine. She didn't want the same routine, nor did she want anything to happen. Nothing would ever change in her life, so what's the point in trying?

"Blue!" her mothers' voice became shrill, which was a rare thing to hear.

"Yes mother, I heard you." Blue didn't pride herself on anything. Hell, she barely thought of herself at all. She felt that she lost all sense of caring long ago, in a time where pain never existed. Blue got up from the grey sofa and stretched. She was wearing dark grey sweatpants and a white tank top, her brown hair unkempt.

Her mother gave her a disapproving look. "You're not going out like that, are you, Blue? This is important, so please look respectable! Professor Oak has been waiting for this envelope for some time now, and I have only just finished them. Make sure that only he sees them, okay?" Blue sighed and went upstairs to wash up. Fifteen minutes later, she came back down in a blue tank top, a red flowing skirt and a white sunhat. "Much better, sweetie. I'll see you in a little while, okay?" She brought her daughter into a hug as Blue grabbed the envelope from the table.

"Sure," said Blue. "I won't be gone long." Blue took one last look at her mother before stepping outside.

Pallet Town was a small, quiet town that experienced nearly 365 days of sunshine every year, and beautiful weather all year round. It was the perfect place for the elderly and young alike – with the plentiful parks and natural lake to the south, there were many outdoorsy things to do. Pokémon breeders tended to take a stroll through Pallet in order to socialize the babies, so there was always a sense of happiness in the town.

Blue always thought of Pallet as home, but since the incident she felt disjointed from the rest of the community. The closest thing to a friend she had was Gary, with whom she had been rivals with since she was a baby. Everything they did together was a competition, and Blue was not one to accept defeat. Gary was the same way – he would taunt her with childish name-calling and pranks. But he had been gone for a few years, off to a distant land called France. She didn't miss him, she missed the companionship that momentarily shut off the pain receptors in her heart. She was eighteen years old, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of her emotions.

Some things never change, no matter how hard one may try. . .

When Blue traveled across town for something, she would always lose herself in her thoughts and not notice what was happening around her. She had gotten so caught up in thinking about the hole in her heart that she had failed to notice that she was about to walk straight into the large wooden door of Professor Oak's Pokémon Lab. Luckily, Gregory, one of Professor Oak's aides, saw Blue and quickly opened the door for her. All of the aides knew that she would be coming, so they led her to the main room where Professor Oak would meet them.

Blue followed the aides into the room, but there was only one person in the room. He was a young man with spiky, unkempt brown hair. He was wearing a black short sleeved shirt and purple pants (an unusual combination, but he pulled it off) with a red and blue circle pendant around his neck. Something about him seemed strangely familiar… "What, it's you, Blue? Gramps isn't here."

"Gary?" Blue was bewildered. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in France?" She gazed at him with unfazed eyes. Sure, his presence surprised her, but nothing further than that.

"Gramps was supposed to give me a Pokémon today – it's about damn time, too! I've grown tired of waiting. I should have gotten my first Pokémon YEARS ago… if I had, I would never have gone to France. Hah! What a ****hole. Bunch of smelly, hairy fags."

Blue didn't know anything about France, but she knew he was way off on his assumption and she also knew that he'd continue ranting if she responded to his childish antics. "Right. I need to find him; do you know where he went?"

Gary faced her and crossed his arms. "Who knows? That old coot could be anywhere." He went to the leather couch that was on the far side of the wall and flopped down without a glance back at Blue.

Blue shook her head and exited the Pokémon Lab. There were only a few places that the professor could go in this small town, and she passed by most of them on her way here. She looked towards her left, where the road abruptly ended and lead into a field of tall grass. She walked towards it, a little hesitant to go through. She wasn't exactly wearing the right outfit to go through tall grass. Well, I need to find the professor, and this is the only way he could have gone. She took one step. And then another. She kept taking steps until one more step would make her foot go into the tall grass. . .

. . .

. . .

"Hey! Don't go into the tall grass! Wild Pokémon live there, it's not safe!" A voice came from behind her, accompanied by huffing and wheezing. "Whew… I'm getting too old for this."

Blue looked at the older man – it was Professor Oak! He was hunched over with his hands on his knees, his graying hair askew. "Professor, I've been looking for you. Here, this is -" She stopped when the professor waved his hand back and forth to cut her off.

Once he caught his breath, he stood up and straightened his lab coat. He smiled at Blue and said, "Please, Blue, follow me. We'll talk more at the Lab."

"Gramps! It's about time you showed up! I've been waiting here for an hour!" Gary stood with his hands on his hips and his eyes were raging. He crossed his arms and humph'd as the professor walked past him with Blue trailing along.

"Hm? Gary? … Oh! I'm sorry. You're right; I forgot that I told you I'd be giving you a Pokémon today." His face looked apologetic and he ran one hand through his gray hair. Gary still glared at him and crossed his arms. "Now, if you two would excuse me for a second, I'll be right back…" the professor walked to the back to the lab and into an office, where he shut the door behind him.

"Tch. Blue, come here." Gary looked at Blue, his face brows furrowed. She had been standing to the side, her arms crossed behind her back as she stared at the floor. She looked up at him and walked over to him. He grabbed the collar of her shirt and shook her once. "Don't you DARE take him from me," he growled.

Blue was shocked at being shaken but soon regained her composure. "What are you talking about? I went to find him and –"

"Shut up," he snarled, his brown eyes flashing with rage. "I know your little game. You're trying to get HIS –" he shot a glance at where the professor went "- attention. Putting on this ****** little 'emotionless' act just for pity!" He shook her again roughly, but Blue didn't flinch, her eyes remained a dull blue. She took the verbal abuse before putting her hand on his wrist.

"Let me go." She narrowed her eyes as her brows furrowed, her lips curving downward into a frown.

Gary glared at her again before pushing her backwards, which caused her to stumble. She was able to regain her composure and straighten her shirt just as the professor walked in. "Here we are," the professor said while carrying a briefcase. He set it on the desk and took a key out of his pocket and unlocked it. Popping the top he told them, "Inside here are three Pokéballs. Each one contains a Pokémon! Blue, you can choose first."

"Hey! What about me, your family? I was here first!" Gary became enraged and stomped his foot and his grandfather sighed.

"Gary, please not now… Go on, Blue. Pick your Pokémon."

Blue stood in front of the table and hesitated.
Reply With Quote
  #3    
Old August 6th, 2012, 02:43 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
[PART TWO]

"Professor, I only came to get you because I have this paperwork for you. Mother said it was important." Blue looked from the briefcase to the old man and took the now-crumpled envelope out of her pocket. She attempted to hand it to the Professor, but he just shook his head.

"Blue," he said, his grey eye gazing from her to Gary and back again. "That can wait; it's not as important as your mother made it out to be."

Blue blinked in confusion before placing the envelope back into her pocket.
"I don't know why you would want to give a Pokemon to me."

"Oh, for ****'s sake, Blue! Just pick a ****ing Pokemon already!" Gary was getting impatient, his brown eyes blazing with rage. He walked up to the table and slammed his fists against it, leaving small indents in the rich mahogany.

Blue gazed at the faint marks that he had left on the table before looking at the three Pokeballs that were on the table. All three of them had a sticker on it: a leaf, a flame, and a drop of water. She concentrated and took her time choosing, in order to be careful on her journey ahead. She placed her hand above the Pokeball with the leaf sticker, before changing her mind and grabbing the flame-stickered Pokeball.

"Fine, then I choose this one!" Gary arrogantly grabbed the Pokeball that held the water sticker, a triumphant look on his face.

Blue looked at the Pokeball that was in her hand, her fingers tapping lightly on the smooth surface. I wonder what's inside? This must be... a fire-type?The ball was warm, and it strangely felt like some kind of pulsating energy. Living energy.

Professor Oak watched the two children with their new Pokemon with a slight smile on his face. He never got tired of giving children their first Pokemon - it made him even happier to know that they eventually became calmer and more confident adults. Oh, to be young again...

"Hey Blue! Let's have a battle!" Gary was smirking as if he had already won. He tossed his Pokeball into the air and caught it before aggressively throwing it in front of him. Blue wasn't sure what Pokemon would be inside, so she was surprised when, in a flash of light, a small bipedal blue turtle with a curly tail stood where the light hit the ground.

Blue blinked - she had never seen a Pokemon battle before. She barely knew anything about Pokemon, but she did know that there were three "Starter Types": Fire, Water and Grass. She guessed that the blue turtle was a water type by its color, and that her new Pokemon would most likely be a fire type, judging by the orange flame sticker that was on her Pokeball. Do your best, mystery Pokemon...Taking a deep breath, she tossed the Pokeball into the air. In a flash of light, a small bidepal orange lizard stood proudly, the flame on its tail flickering merrily.

The orange lizard cried excitedly, eyeing the blue turtle eagerly. "Charmander, char!" It turned to face Blue, its face lit up with glee.
Professor Oak noticed that Blue was just looking at the Charmander, as if lost in thought and wondering what she should do. He had known, ever since the incident, that she had withdrawn into herself, but something about right now, at this moment, something was changing. Ever since she had laid her hand upon Charmanders' Pokeball, her eyes had started to become a little less dull, as if something was removing the film that blinded her.

"Squirtle! Tackle it! Get him with your shell!" Gary barked out orders to his Pokemon as if he had been battling his entire life. The blue turtle nodded to his new trainer and ran at the orange lizard at full speed. The quick little lizard dodged the attack, however, since it was much faster than his opponent. "Again!" Gary continued, but still Blue had yet to say a command.

"Blue," Professor Oak started, "tell your Charmander to use either the move 'Scratch' or 'Leer'. He'll know what to do from there." This word of advice seemed to enrage Gary - for he had been trying to catch his grandfathers' eye the entire match. Shooting a death glare at Blue, he frowned and told his Pokemon to use another Tackle, and this time to not hold back.

This time, the blue turtle was able to collide with its target, scoring a direct hit. The orange lizard was knocked back a few feet, rolling as it went. It struggled to get back on its feet. "Oh yeah! Critical hit!"
Reply With Quote
  #4    
Old August 7th, 2012, 01:08 PM
DarkIceForever's Avatar
DarkIceForever
Booted out - don't be like me!
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: California
Gender: Female
Nature: Adamant
Hello there! DarkIceForever here with a current review of your story. :D

Let’s get straight into it. I don’t have that much to say about your story. It was enjoyable to some extent, but I felt that some parts were plain dull. I’m not sure what type of canon you are using. This can be an original re-telling is some ways. It isn’t Manga and it in some ways it shadows FR/LG. This is a decent starting point too me. Even though it’s clear you’re not following any canon, I can see it does resemble the game canon. I sort of liked it.

I didn’t like Professor Oak. I think you overshot his character. Be mindful of the character’s set personality when writing fan fiction. Like I said, I’m not sure what canon you are using and this only serves to bother me. You should have probably explained it more clearly.

Prof. Oak in this story seems remorseful about his age. I understand that he is a pretty old fellow, but the Oak I’ve come to know would never complain about his age and how he misses the days of his youth. I’m sure it’s back there somewhere, but it isn’t really what I feel drives the overall character of Prof.Oak. He is a busy person as well, you did get that perfectly, but after reading fics about busy pokemon professors I start to wonder what they are actually doing. It’s always typing away or out in the field or in the books. Maybe you could have dived into that bit more.

Another thing that your fiction reminded me of is how people tend to use Pokémon professors as starter (um can’t find the word I’m looking for.) whor3s. (You know, the only reason people catch Dittos is to breed their Pokémon. They have no use in battling because their stats are awful.) It gets annoying at that some writers only introduce a prof. character solely to provide a starter Pokémon for their main character.

Last thing that I’d like to discuss it the use of swear words. I don’t get offended by swear words and one or two bad words here and there are understandable. It’s human nature that when you stub your toe you yell out something unpleasant or when you screw up you get pissed. The use of bad words is fine because I feel it gives the characters some humanity. However in your case I didn’t take a liking to your version of Gary Oak. Why would he be insulting to his own Grandfather? Has he have no manners? Oak seems very tolerable of his rude grandson. It would be perfectly fine if they both had the same mannerisms.

Those were all the things that bothered me as I read. You didn’t do a very good job expressing Gary Oak’s characteristics. It is fine to create a swearing and rude Gary Oak, but it’s not really believable because we all have this image of a nice and intelligent young lad wearing a lab coat in the anime.

I did find the Blue character mildly entertaining. Of course I’m no fan of the Pokémon Manga. I’m not sure how her character is portrayed, so kudos to you. I dislike most if not all manga. Not even the Pokémon manga is appealing to me. I only know the Blue in FR/LG and as far as I know it’s all role play, so you can imagine how he character reacts in the Poké World. I tend to imagine her as a sweet and adorable character who loves cute Pokémon :P. I have heard from other fans that she’s a thief in the manga. But it really doesn’t concern me.

Quote:
Putting on this ****** little 'emotionless' act just for pity!"
Eeek. Last, last thing! I feel that you didn't take your story seriously enough because of the swearing. I tend to find bad words funny. You set up a serious atmosphere but all of a sudden i got kicked out of the flow because of *Beep* *Beep*. Be mindful if you can't say it, don't. I'm not even sure what bad word it was.

Well, that about wraps up this current review. If you do decide to continue I will review again on request. I have noticed that most stories I review the authors lets the story die and moves on. I’ll catch ya later.
Reply With Quote
  #5    
Old August 7th, 2012, 03:32 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
Thanks for reviewing, Dark! Wow, that's a lot to comment on, and regardless of the content, I appreciate it a whole lot. Let me see if I can answer some (if not all) of your concerns...

I agree that some parts were dull, but I can assure you that in the parts that I have written, that it gets a lot better. Please bear with me as I continue to post! I'm actually not using the Manga at all - I'm using the FireRed game as my canon. That's the whole point of a Nuzlocke, actually. Perhaps I should make that clear in my first post...

You're right about Professor Oak thinking about his age, but can't a professor think about it once in awhile? I assure you that this is not what his role is in my story - the reminiscing role. I feel as if I've gone a whole different direction from where I first started. As I delve deeper into my plot, you will soon start to understand what is happening in my plot.

Yes, I do have plot - there's a reason why Gary is the way he is, and why he shows up as progress. The FireRed game is just the base (what Pokemon I catch, for example, and Gym Battles and who I lose and such), but the plot is something else entirely.

Professor Oak plays a role in my plot, and the fact that Amber asks him to give her a Pokemon is part of the plot as well. As much as I'd love to say more, I'd have to ask you to continue to read (the beginning is a little boring, I agree) and become more enthralled as I continue on! I am refraining from posting each chapter too quickly, you see, as I have already posted Part 24 on another website.

Gary is insulting for numerous reasons... and those play along with my plot... I'm not being too helpful, am I? As for the asterisks? I can't figure out how to get rid of them, as I wish that my swears could be viewable by all... I looked long and hard for a button to get rid of them (as well as the weird links in my words), but I can't seem to figure it out.

Could you explain a little bit more about his characteristics that I should improve upon? Gary plays a big role, actually. Pretty soon we'll figure out what's going on in his head...

There is one thing that I dislike about your critiques: you compare too much. I am not basing my characters off of the anime nor the manga, and I find it somewhat insulting that you say that my interpretation of Gary (in this story) isn't following 'canon' Gary. By comparing my Gary to the anime Gary, of course it isn't going to believable! I think you should keep the outside comparisons to a minimum, since I am not using anime Gary. Thank you!

I am not using Blue from the manga (if I remember, her name was Green?); I just happened to like the name Blue and it fits into the color scheme I have going on (Amber, her mom, is named after a color). As for her character? Well, she's got a lot of development in store, and it gets her into some pretty funny situations! You'll soon find out if you continue to read.

As for the asterisks, I have no idea how to get rid of them... It really ruins the story that I have oh-so-carefully laid out.

There is no way in hell that am I letting a little bit of criticism stop me from finishing my story! Thank you for reviewing and telling me your feelings - I hope I have made a few things clear to you.
Reply With Quote
  #6    
Old August 7th, 2012, 03:33 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
[PART THREE]


Blue shot a quick glance at the Professor, her eyes unsure. She then looked back at the hurt Pokémon, and her expression quickly changed into one of pleading. "Please... please be okay! Please get back up!" She looked at the Professor again, who pointed with his head at the Charmander, who was steadily getting back to its feet, however shaky.

"Let's go, Squirtle! Again!" Gary pointed at the Charmander, smirked and flashed a toothy grin. "You're finished!" His Pokémon obediently charged again, and Charmander jumped to the side at the last minute. "Speed won't save you. Squirtle, keep doing it!" The Squirtle again charged at Charmander.

"Uhm... Charmander, is it? Use... uhm... Scratch!" Blue hesitantly called out an order to her Pokémon, who shot her a glance, nodded once and sprang into action. It was if it was an entirely different Pokémon - with Blue's command, he felt a surge of adrenaline and quickly dodged all of the Squirtles' Tackles. Fwooosh! went the air as Charmander slashed at the Squirtles' head.

"Withdraw!" Gary commanded his Pokémon at the last second, narrowing missing getting a critical hit. He frowned; he hadn't expected Blue to retaliate.

Charmander jumped back towards his new trainer and puffed himself up. "Char!" it growled. He was anxious to fight. He glanced back at Blue, who looked very unsure. She caught his eye and shrunk back a little.

"Now!" Gary's voice was heard at the same time Charmander narrowly dodged another hit.

"Uhm... use Leer, Charmander!" Blue called, sincerely hoping that Charmander would be alright.

At the command, Charmander gave an evil glare to Squirtle, who stopped in his tracks and withdrew into his shell from fear.

"Now use Scratch!"

"Squirtle, get out of there!"

Charmander rushed forward and scratched Squirtle just as he was coming out of his shell. He stumbled backwards and fell on his back. Now the Squirtle was stuck; he couldn't free himself from the floor. Charmander took his chance and pounced on his opponent, his claws extended. Gary's eyes widened a little, however he quickly masked his fear. Blue was stunned - she feared that her Pokémon about to kill the poor turtle.

"Charmander, that's enough." Professor Oak calmly stated, walking forward towards the two brawlers. Charmander hopped off his opponent, walked towards Blue and sat by her feet. Professor Oak helped the Squirtle up, and it immediately went to huddle by Gary.

"...I picked the wrong Pokémon." Gary hung his head, his eyes shaded by his hair. His fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white. His Squirtle looked up at him, its face sad.

"Blue, Gary, you have to be careful in Pokémon fights. You mustn't let them become too rough, otherwise they will die. Most of the time, a Pokémon will faint when it has become unable to battle. However, occasionally a Pokémon will get into a situation - just like your Squirtle was in, Gary - where it is strong enough to battle, but it is 'trapped' by something, be it the environment, its own body, the other Pokémon, what have you." He paused and looked at both of the young trainers. Gary, his grandson, would have a hard time figuring out what it really means to be a trainer. Blue, on the other hand, would have to decide if this was the path she wanted to take, and if she could handle her chosen path.

Blue crouched down and hugged her Charmander, who lay panting on the floor. She patted its head, and felt the same warm, living energy inside of it as she had felt from its Pokéball. So warm... The Charmander closed its eyes as if it were enjoying the attention. Is this what it's like to own a Pokémon? Blue looked back at the professor.

Gary eyed Blue as she petted her Pokémon. Humph! She shouldn't have won - that was a fluke! Or rather... my Pokémon was weak, even with a type advantage. He glanced at the tiny turtle that delicately held his legs and frowned.

Professor Oak continued, "Normally after a Pokémon battle, the losing trainer forfeits a cash prize to the winner. Since it was your first battle, Gary, I will cover it." Gary looked even more mad at the prospect of losing any more money. Blue was surprised yet happy when she was told she was getting money. "Now, do you want to name your Pokémon?" He looked first to Blue, then to Gary.

"I want to name my Charmander... I want to name him 'Coal'." Blue pet her Charmander on the head again and looked at the Professor. Her Pokémon cocked its head to the right at its new name, but then nodded and growled with contentment.

"Your Charmander is very energetic; Coal is a fine name." Professor Oak smiled before looking at Gary. "Gary? Do you want to name your Squirtle?"
Gary looked out the window before facing his grandfather, his expression serious. "No. I understand now that I must make my Pokémon fight to get stronger. Smell ya later." He then briskly walked out the door without looking back. His Squirtle was almost left behind, but it quickly followed his new Trainer, tripping slightly on its way out.

Professor Oak shook his head, a small frown forming on his face. "That boy... Here, Blue. This is the prize money that you won from Gary. Try to battle a lot of trainers to earn more money. You can buy healing and battle items for your Pokémon at Pokémarts. There's actually one in the next town over, in Viridian City." He handed Blue a wad of cash from his pocket. "May I see that envelope, Blue?"

Blue smiled slightly as she took the cash from the professor, nodded and switched the cash for the envelope and handed it to him. "Professor... if Pokémon have to fight to get stronger, doesn't that hurt them? Do Pokémon like fighting?"

"When I was a trainer, I experienced many Pokémon battles and I became friends with a wide variety of species. My profession is, in fact, the relationship between Pokémon and people. To answer your question, yes, Pokémon like fighting. However, Pokémon are similar to people: each one has a different personality. Take, for example, your Charmander. Coal has a Quirky personality, or Nature. What that means, for him, is that none of his attributes, or stats, is hindered or strengthened."

Blue blinked, very confused. "Uhm...?" Coal looked from his trainer to the old man.

"Ahah... sorry, I got carried away. In simpleton terms, some Pokémon like fighting, while some prefer not to fight. There are some trainers who will use a Pokémon who doesn't like to fight anyway - I'm not sure how that would alter their personality, however. Hmm... " He paused to consider what he said. "Anyway, Blue. I've taken up too much of your time! You should get going!"

"Get... going? Where am I going? I don't have anything else to do besides go home and help Mom with chores..." she trailed off when Professor Oak laughed.

"The purpose of giving you a Pokémon was for you to go on your very own Pokémon journey."
Reply With Quote
  #7    
Old August 7th, 2012, 03:37 PM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
[PART FOUR]


"Mom?" Blue stuck her head in the door and looked around the dark room. Her mother had a habit of turning all of the lights off when they weren't in use, and often shut the light off on Blue when she didn't realize that her daughter was in the room. Blue took a step into the room and shut the door behind her. Taking her hat off of her head, she set it on the end table and turned on the light. A faint noise could be heard from down the hall, so she took a step toward it. Ahh, the shower. I guess it is that time of day, isn't it? Blue let out a light giggle.

Every day, in the middle of the day, at the exact same time, Blue's mother would take a shower. Normally an insignificant little thing like a shower wouldn't have needed an explanation, but Blue found the reason for her doing this somewhat amusing. Back when Blue's mother was young, she was dating this smart young man who was interested in Pokemon evolution.

He had asked to see her Ponyta one day and, being the outdoorsy type, her mother enthusiastically showed him to the pasture in which her beloved Pokemon was kept. Amber was still in the 'crushing' phase of her relationship with this man that she was being silly in order to impress him: she was hopping over fences like a Mankey. Oh, they had a fun time, until she became overconfident and missed the landing and BAM! she fell into a pile of Tauros droppings and, when she was being helped up by this man, she slipped on another pile and pulled him down with her.

"I was so embarrassed that I broke up with him a few days later," Amber confessed to her daughter. "There was no way that I could face him after that! Ugh, ever since then, I've always felt so DISGUSTING and I need to scrub myself clean! Now I'm told that he did become the professor that he always wanted to be, and that his research is progressing smoothly. He even married! Funny how things turn out, right Blue?"

Blue moved to the table, picked up the paper, and began to read. She was halfway through the article "Maverick's Magikarps - The Biggest and the Best!" when her mother came into the room, drying her damp hair with a towel. "Hi, mom." Blue stopped reading and lowered the paper.

"Hi, honey! What brings you back home? Did Professor Oak give you a Pokemon? Oooh, which one did you choose? I...! Oh!" she coughed very loudly and gave a nervous laugh. "I mean, did you give the Professor the envelope?"

Blue raised an eyebrow. "You knew?" she asked. Her mother smiled and nodded. "Mother, I... I don't think I can. Coal does seem excited, but... I'm not cut out for a journey." Blue lowered her eyes to the table, folded her hands across her lap, and frowned.

"Coal?" Amber looked out the open window and spotted an orange lizard hiding in the flowerpot. "Oh, you must mean the little cutie who is eating all of my petunias! Did you choose him, or did he choose you?"

"Sorry about your petunias, mom... I picked Coal seemingly at random... Gary was... he was being himself and I panicked..."

"Don't worry about the flowers, dear... Oh! Gary's back in town? And you panicked... Well, that does it! Coal's Pokeball appealed to your instincts the best, and you chose the best fit for you!" Amber sat down next to her daughter and wrapped her arm around her. Blue leaned in against her mother. "But why do you think you're not cut out for a journey? You have your very own Pokemon! And a Fire-type, no less. Fire-types are strong, brave and loyal. What more could you want in a Pokemon?"

Coal clambered in through the window and plopped into the sink. "Char..." He propped himself up and looked over the side of the counter. He paused for a moment before hurtling over the side and rolling on the floor. Blue looked up with surprise but Amber calmly smiled. Coal then shook himself and wandered to sit next to Blue. "Char!"

"What a smart Pokemon you have, Blue." Amber beamed down at her daughters' Pokemon.

Blue was silent as she pet Coal. Her mother was right - Coal did seem as if he'd be there for her no matter what. She sighed.

"I think that a Pokemon journey will really help you grow. Why, when I was young, my Ponyta and I... haha, we really did a number of crazy things on our journey. We even won The Great Race outside of Fuschia City!" Amber laughed as she recalled the memories of long ago before becoming serious again as she faced her daughter. "Blue... You won't ever become happy if you stay here. I love you, and I know your Pokemon will love you. As your mother, I don't want you to leave, but I know it'll be for the best. Will you give it a shot, for me?" Amber pleaded to her daughter, longing in her eyes.
Blue looked at her mom and bit her lip, eyes filled with worry. "Okay, mom... I'll try."

Mother and daughter embraced and held each other tight. Amber kissed her daughter on the head. "Make sure you get your bag and your hat before you go, dear. I'll be rooting for you, baby!"

It was midday and the Pidgeys were cooing. Springtime during Pallet Town sure was beautiful. Blue adjusted the bag on her shoulder as she looked at the open field in front of her. Route 1, the beginning for all trainers, was a relatively peaceful but hilly place. Her Charmander glowed with health as it growled excitedly.

"So... I guess we just... go forward?" Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward into the tall grass. She walked for a few minutes without encountering a single Pokemon, much to the disappointment of her Charmander

Across the distance, Blue spotted a man near a sign. She hurried over to him, Coal bounding across happily, the flame on his tail brightly crackling.
"Hello there!" the man called, waving as the two drew near. He looked as if he were a little bit older than she, and he wore a blue smock with a Pokeball logo on the front and had tousled light brown hair. "I work at a Pokemon Mart, or Pokemart for short. Here, have this as a promotional item!" He handed a Potion to Blue and smiled.

"Uhm... th-thank you. I think we may be lost," she indicated to her Pokemon, who was rolling a rock on the ground.

"Ah, I knew you were a rookie trainer. If you follow the path here - at some point the grass is very overgrown - you'll find your way to Viridian City. It's about a half hours' walk from here." He pointed and gestured seemingly at random.

"Viridian City...? Isn't that the... uhm..."

"The pathway to the Pokemon League? Sure is. We get a lot of trainers aiming to be 'The Very Best' and to challenge the Elite Four. Last I heard, the former Champion resigned and moved away to a far-off place called Unova." The man smiled again at Blue, sizing her up, his light grey eyes calculating. "Listen, I get off at six. How about I give you a little tour?"

Blue immediately got nervous and shuffled her feet. "Uhm...?"

"Daniel."

"Thanks for the Potion, Daniel, but... I..." Blue stuttered, not knowing what to do. Coal looked up at her and then to Daniel.

He put his hands up in the air. "Hey, don't worry about it. Maybe I'll see you around sometime." He winked at her. "What's your name?"

"My name's Blue." She waved goodbye and walked past him.

"I'll be waiting in the Pokemon Center lobby at seven if you change your mind!" he called after her.

Blue exhaled and lowered her head, holding on to her hat, for the wind almost blew it off of her head.

When Blue finally arrived at Viridian City, she wiped her forehead and let out a sigh of relief. Her Charmander was happy - he had been antsy and anxious the entire trip. Now, he was bounding around and letting out small bits of flame from his mouth. "Charmander, char!"

Blue had been thinking almost the entire walk over to Viridian. She first thought about the man, Daniel, and then about her Charmander, Coal. Gary did cross her mind, as well: she once had a crush on him when they were children, but those feelings had died down long ago. Blue wiped more sweat off of her head as she walked under the city gates. Just a little bit further ahead was a large building with a red roof - many trainers were walking in and out of it, their Pokemon by their sides. Blue sped up and soon reached the frosted sliding glass doors.

The cool air drenched over her and Coal as she stepped inside. Trainers sitting on benches and eating with their Pokemon, trainers talking amongst themselves, and trainers watching some battles on the TV was what she saw as she looked around. The sign on the doors said 'Pokemon Center', so Blue knew she would be in the right place. She decided to wait in line behind a tall, tan trainer with spiky dark brown hair.

Pleasant music played in the lobby as she waited. The radio announcer said the tune was called "Jigglypuff's Melody", and that it was the number one classic tune of the week.

"Your Charmander looks pretty tough," said the boy in front of her. His eyes were half-closed and he carried himself in a confident manner. "Have you both been training in Route 22?"

Blue replied, "Uhm... no... Coal and I just started out, actually... we just got finished walking here from Pallet Town..."

"Ah, Pallet Town, you say? So you must be new, my mistake. So what brings you to Viridian City? Do you plan on traveling, or do you plan on battling the Gym Leaders?" The boy was very curious. Slowly but surely, the line to the counter was dwindling. He took a step forward.

"I'm... I actually... I don't know. I'm doing this for my mother, she said it'd help me." Blue looked towards the ground and at her Charmander - it was leaning against her leg and was napping. "It's just me and Coal."

"For your mother? That doesn't sound very appealing. To me, at least. You need rock-hard determination and inner strength in order to 'help' yourself." He grinned a lopsided grin. "But, hey, I don't know what makes your Geodude roll." It was finally his turn at the counter, and he faced the woman with pink hair in two long circular ponytails. He flashed her a toothy smile. "Here's my Pokemon." He handed her six Pokeballs.

"Hello there! Sure, it will take a few moments. Wait, please..." The pleasant woman smiled kindly and turned to place the Pokeballs on a machine. She pressed a few buttons, and with a "ding ding ding-ding-ding!" a light pinged and she took the Pokeballs off of the machine and handed them back to the boy.

"Nurse Joy, now that you have finished examining my Pokemon... you can examine me, too!" He winked at her and flashed her another grin.

The woman known as Nurse Joy giggled nervously and said, "Oh, Brock..." before kindly shooing him away. The boy shrugged and walked over to sit down on a bench next to a pretty girl with long, purple hair, where he soon got slapped in the face.

"Hello, there! I can tell you're a new trainer. My name is Nurse Joy! I can heal your Pokemon for free." She tilted her head to the side and smiled brightly at Blue. "Oh? Your Charmander... he looks perfectly healthy. Did you need help with anything?"

Blue stood in front of the counter and nervously paused, trying to think of the right words to say. "Well..." she started. "I just came from Pallet Town, and I'm not sure where I should go. I... only just started my journey and..."

"Well, since this your first time here, I recommend taking a visit to the Pokemart, which is right down the street from here. You can buy all sorts of helpful items there, depending on how talented a trainer you are. There are a few routes you can head to from here: if you exit to the right here you will head straight to Route 22. The route you just came from is Route 1. Just north of here is Route 2." Nurse Joy looked at the long line behind Blue. "I'm sorry, but there's so many Pokemon that need to be healed... please excuse me."

Blue mumbled a quick, "Oh I'm sorry!" before heading out of line, picking up her Charmander and held him in her arms as she left. To Blue's surprise, the boy from earlier - was his name Brock?- was leaning on the wall in the shade, waiting for her.

"Hey, newcomer." He got off the wall and took a step closer. "Since you're new, I can give you a quick tip on how to 'help' yourself. I was thinking about it earlier, and, I think you should stop worrying. Who will respect you? Do you respect yourself? I can tell by how you act that you feel as if you have no control." He crossed his arms and looked serious. Blue didn't know what to say. "Do me a favor and do this journey for YOURSELF. You, and you alone, are in charge of your future. How can you expect Pokemon to trust or listen to you if you have no trust in yourself? Think about it." He started to walk away, and without a backwards glance, he waved. "See ya."

Blue was silent as she watched the boy walk away. A few minutes went by as she pondered what he said. I should... talk to mom about all of this...
Coal snored loudly from her arms. Blue looked down at him and her features softened. She held him closer and lightly tapped his little orange arm. "Hey, Coal... wake up, sweetie..." He yawned and tried to roll over, but when he found he couldn't, he lightly struggled awake. "I think I'm going to head towards Route 2 to train. Are you ready?" Coal's eyes lit up excitedly and he started to bark with glee. Blue giggled and set him down, and as soon as she did, he hopped up and down and spat more fire out of his mouth.
"Alright, let's go!" Blue started walking north, and after a few minutes she noticed an old man laying in the middle of the road, his granddaughter fretting along side of him.

"HEY. GET OUT OF MY YARD - YOU'RE TRESPASSING!" he grumbled and raved from his spot on the floor. Blue got stopped and looked at his granddaughter for help. Coal puffed himself up and stood in front of his trainer, ready to protect her if the need arose.

"I'm so sorry... he's not had his coffee yet... he's always like this..." she said, her eyes downcast. "I have to stay here with him, otherwise he'll scare more people off. One time, he even attacked a boy..."

Blue took a step back. "Uhm... okay... I guess we'll go somewhere else for the time being..." She looked at Coal and turned back around. I know, I wonder if the Pokemart has any coffee?She headed back towards from where she came, vaguely remembering the directions that the kind Nurse Joy told her.

When Blue finally found the Pokemart, easily noticeable by its blue roof, she was again lightly covered in sweat. She walked in through the frosted sliding glass doors and again felt the cool breeze against her face. The Pokemart was larger than it looked from the outside.

"Hey, you came from Pallet Town?" The man behind the counter asked her. "Nurse Joy gave me a call and said that you'd be coming." He waved Blue over.

Blue was confused. Nurse Joy called here for me? I must have kept him waiting..."I'm sorry, I didn't know..." She walked over to the counter to speak with him.

"Professor Oak ordered this package from me, and it came in two weeks ago. We've been so busy that we haven't had a chance to call him, or, if we did, he was never in. Could you take it to him for me? In exchange, I'll give you five Pokeballs." He took out a small package from behind the counter and handed it to Blue.

She carefully placed the package safely inside of her bag. "Okay, I suppose I'll give it to him..." The man behind the counter smiled and handed her five Pokeballs.

"Thanks a lot! With the Elite Four coming up with a brand new Tournament, there have been a lot of trainers coming through here getting ready for it. Tell Professor Oak I said hi!"
Reply With Quote
  #8    
Old August 13th, 2012, 09:19 AM
Rubyroo
Unhatched Egg
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Gender: Female
[PART FIVE]


Blue got back to Pallet Town a lot quicker than she had going to Viridian City. A seven year old boy named Joey had been sitting on a ledge on the side of a hill and was watching the Rattata intently. He had noticed her coming and instructed her that if she jumped off of the ledge, she'd get to Pallet Town "super fast-like".

When she walked through the Pokémon Lab doors, Blue spotted the Professor immediately. He was hunched over a table, talking with one of his aides. When he noticed Blue walking over towards him, he stood up and smiled. "Ah, Blue, back so soon? How is my old Pokémon? He seems to really like you."

Blue reached into her bag and pulled out the small package. "The guy in the Pokémart asked me to give this to you. He said it came in two weeks ago?"

"Ah, this is the prototype Pokeball I ordered! Thank you for bringing this to me." He set the package on the table just as a loud 'clunk' was heard from the back of the room.

"GRAMPS! What did you call me for?" Gary strode over to where the two were standing. Coal growled at him. Gary subtly kicked at him when he was walking, but Coal moved out of the way at the last second. "I could have been halfway to Saffron if you hadn't told me to come back!"

Professor Oak grimaced. He hated when his grandson acted this way, but it couldn't be helped. For the moment, that is. "I called you two here because I have something to give to you. You see these," he waved absently at a table behind him. "These are Pokedexes, my own invention! I have a favor to ask of you." He looked at both Blue and Gary.

Blue looked closely at what was on the table. Two small, red handheld machines were on it, lying side by side. They were identical, and one was open, revealing its insides. There was a small screen and underneath it was a bunch of buttons.

"And? Get on with it - I don't have all ****ing day." Gary crossed his arms and scowled.

"Gary, please be patient. What I have to tell you is very important, as it concerns you... and your Pokémon." Professor Oak took a deep breath before continuing. "Now, these Pokedexes gather data on Pokémon that you meet in the wild. Even more data is gathered when you catch said Pokémon. My dream... my dream was to gather information on all Pokémon in the world. But, I'm too old! I'm not cut out for it any more. That's why I have a favor to ask of you both: would you take these Pokedexes and gather as much data as you can?" He grabbed both of the small red machines and handed them to Gary and Blue.

"I know the journey will be difficult, and you may even lose a Pokémon or two, but you two need to find your purpose in life. A journey with your Pokémon is the best way to do that. I know that when I was young..." he sighed, mixed emotions crossing his face. "Oh, but that's a story for another time."

Gary pocketed the Pokedex and turned to Blue. "Heh, I'm sorry to say this, Blue, but I won't need your help. I'll finish this sucker before you even get your first badge!" He confidently strode out of the room. "Smell ya later."

Blue watched him as he left. I wonder what his problem is...? "Professor... thanks for the Pokedex. I will try my best to complete it." She too pocketed the Pokedex. "But... did I hear you correctly? I may 'lose a Pokémon or two'?" Coal snuggled against her leg and went back to sleep.

"That's right. You see... when Pokémon battle... Well, there's always a chance that they can die. I'm sure I told you this before, didn't I? When you had your battle with Gary earlier today?" Professor Oak looked at her questionably.

"...!" Blue was shocked - she must not have been listening to the professor when he mentioned it. "Uhm... no, I'm sorry... I don't remember..." She bowed her head.

"Unfortunately, it happens when you least expect it or when you're not careful. I too have lost a number of my closest friends... Even though your journey will be difficult, you must carry on." He turned around and rummaged through a few papers. "Oh! I received an e-mail from the League after you left. It seems as though you have been chosen to compete in something that the Elite Four calls a 'Nuzlocke' challenge."

Blue had been crouching on the floor next to her Charmander. "What does that mean? 'Nuzlocke'?"

Professor Oak grimaced. "A Nuzlocke challenge is where a number of different trainers throughout the regions are chosen to capture only one Pokémon per route. On top of that, they cannot catch duplicates of what they already own, but they may catch another once that Pokémon is dead. There are other rules, too. I suppose you want to know them, as well?"

Blue's face went white as she stood up. She was silent and waited for him to go on. "Hmm, let's see... 'A trainer chosen to compete in a Nuzlocke must be given a special Trainer Card' - I have that for you right here, Blue - 'and they must nickname everything that they catch. Backups are prohibited, however catching Pokémon from a new route that goes straight to the box is allowed.' I haven't known anyone to be chosen for a Nuzlocke in quite some time. Ever since the previous Champion resigned, the Elite Four has been making quite a ruckus lately." Professor Oak put his hand on her shoulder.

"This... this is... Professor, how am I supposed to make it?" Blue shook her head, negating what she had said. "I think... I'm going to go home..."
"Here, Blue. You need your Trainer card to continue your journey. I slipped Gary his inside of his Pokedex - he'll thank me later." He handed Blue her trainer card. "Good luck."

Blue turned around and headed out the door, her Charmander in tow, her eyes downcast and a frown on her face.


--------------------


"Honey, you're back so soon?" Amber was making dinner when Blue walked in through the door with Coal and slumped on the table, her head on its cool surface.

"Mom, I need to talk to you..." mumbled Blue as she put Coal in his Pokeball. She didn't want him to see her like this.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" She put the food in the oven and then sat across from her daughter.

"Mom... why am I going on a Pokémon journey? I met a boy today and he... said some things... I don't know what to do. I have Coal, but then Professor Oak said that he could die, and..." Blue spoke really quickly and put her face against the table once more.

"Slow down, dear! What did this boy say to you? And the good professor is right; your Pokémon can and will die. It's all a part of life. Just as we die, they too will find their end. We all lose who we love at some point... like your father" Amber paused, a single tear in her eye. "It will happen, but you have to find a way to be strong."

Blue raised her head and looked at her mother. "The boy told me... he told me that I had to respect and trust myself... he said that I was in charge of my future... He also said that I should do this journey for myself..."

"He's absolutely right, dear. It seems to me that what he said really got to you. What do you plan on doing about it? It hurts me to see you like this... but... there's nothing I can do if you don't want to help yourself..." Amber's faintly smiled. "I hope you find happiness, I really do."

Blue's eyebrows furrowed as she bit her lip. When have I ever mattered...? I... I can't think like this... I... need to help myself...? I don't want to feel this way...

"Okay," she said, her voice quiet but almost sure of itself.



-------------------



The next morning, Blue was sweat-free and a little more sure than she had been the night before. She decided to leave her mother a note - "Mom, I've decided to go on my journey. I don't know what the future may hold, but I will try my best to handle everything that will happen. I love you, Blue" - and got her things together before leaving.

She was making good time before a soft crackling noise and a rustling appeared on her right. A Pokémon jumped out - it was a small tan bird with pink feet. "Piiidgey," it cooed.

It's a Pokémon...! Okay... first I need to... "Let's go, Coal!" she hurriedly grabbed his Pokeball and tossed it to the floor. In a flash of light, he appeared and growled at the bird. Out of his nostrils appeared a small flame. "Uhm... use Scratch!"

Coal jumped at the bird menacingly, but it didn't move. He scratched at the Pidgey once and then again for good measure. The bird cooed again and shook itself. Even though it was injured, it didn't seem to want to fight back. Coal faced his trainer and started growling. Blue had no idea what her Charmander wanted her to do.

Then she remembered and grabbed an unused Pokeball from her bag. "Oh! I have... should I throw this at it?" Coal nodded to her, as if he understood what she was saying. "Okay, here goes...!" Blue tossed the Pokeball at the Pidgey.

Once, twice, three times it shook before - ping! - a red light appeared on the release button, indicating that the Pidgey was caught. Blue picked up the Pokeball and looked at it. "I did it... My first catch! I guess... according to the rules... I have to nickname you. How about... 'Pudge'." Blue smiled and put her new Pokémon's' ball at the special belt on her bag.

A beeping came from her Pokedex. She pulled it out and at once it said "PIDGEY, the tiny bird Pokémon. It does not like to fight. It hides in tall grass and forages for food such as small bugs." On the screen showed a stock photo of a Pidgey and next to the picture was 'lv. 3', a 'female' sign, and its current moves.

"Oh? So you're a girl, Pudge? And you're... level three... Okay. What level are you, Coal...?" she quickly looked it up - 'lv. 7' it said. "Oh! You know Ember, too?"

"Charmander char char!" he puffed himself out and spat fire to the grass. Alarmed, he quickly doused it with his tail.

"That wouldn't have been good, Coal... you have to be more careful next time..."

She made good time back to Viridian City and quickly healed her two Pokémon at the Center before making her way to Route 2, where she caught "Sting" the female Weedle. She also stepped into Viridian Forest - as that was what the sign said - and was immediately attacked by Bug Pokémon, but a Pikachu shocked them all and saved her. Coal became fast friends with the girl Pikachu and so "Bolt" joined the team.

Blue quickly found that her Pokedex was very annoying, turning it off as she headed her way back to the city. As she was coming back, she was jumped by the grumpy old man from yesterday. "I'm sorry about before," he cackled. "I'm not much of a morning person. Here, have this." He then handed Blue a small, collapsible TV. "It's called a Teachy TV! It'll tell you everything that a rookie trainer needs to know. Say... do you know how to catch a Pokémon? Want me to teach you?" The old man came closer and closer to Blue, touching her on the arm.

"Uhm... thank you... but I already know how... uhm... I need to go now, sorry..." she quickly untangled herself from the old man and increased her walking speed. Whew, that was close...

She then made her way to Route 22. It was a very mountainous region, but it had a straightforward path. Blue made sure that she stayed on the path - something about jagged rocks and steep cliffs made her scared.

"Keeeeyyyyy..."

Blue stopped and looked around. Coal popped out of his Pokeball and got ready to protect his trainer, growling all the while, his tail swishing in annoyance.

"Keeeeeeeeeeeeeey! Mankeeeeeeyyyyy!" a small tan blur rushed by Blue, causing her skirt to rise. She blushed and put her hands on it to keep it down.

The blur attacked Coal and soon they were tumbleweed of orange and tan. Blue didn't want him to get hurt, so she called, "Coal! Use Ember! Get away from there!"

Unleashing a small but powerful flame from him mouth, Coal jumped away from his attacker. The blur sizzled and howled with pain before hopping backwards and glaring at his foe.

"Maaaaannnnnkkkkeeeeyyy..." it growled. The Pokémon's body had messy white fur, while its ears, appendages and tail were tipped with brown. It snorted through its small snout.

"Boy, he looks... ferocious... Coal, please be careful!" cried Blue, fearful for her Pokémon and nervous about the new threat.

Coal was about to take another step forward and take on the creature, but Sting popped out from her Pokeball and in front of Coal. He hesitated but let her pass.

The Mankey roared and attacked Sting, scoring a direct hit to her head. She rolled backwards and struggled to get up, her little legs moving slowly. He attacked again, and this time Sting moved her head and jabbed her attacker in the side. Gasping in pain, he stepped back.

"Sting... be careful! Use String Shot! Slow him down... we need to get away..."

Sting wrapped her foe up in silk, making him unable to move. Sting jabbed at him again with her stinger; however she accidentally cut a hole in the fine silk.

The Mankey took the opportunity to get his arm free and whack her once more, sending her flying across the field. The creature was strong for its small size.

"Sting?" Blue called, her voice uncertain. She walked over to her fallen Pokémon. "Are you okay, Sting?" She shook her, but the Sting didn't move. It was as if a bolt of lightning went through Blues' heart - she gasped and fell backward.

Coal saw what was going on and was immediately enraged. He didn't know Sting for very long, but he certainly was going to avenge his fallen comrades' death. He jumped at the Mankey and Scratched at him, but he only moved away, snorting with glee. The creature seemed to enjoy tormenting him.

"Sting..." Blue looked to the sky: it was spinning. She closed her eyes and through the darkness she heard Stings' last cry of pain. Blue opened her eyes again. You can't be gone... You... can't be... We didn't even... Sting... Blue had a tear in her eye as she stood up and walked her to her bag.

"You..." she said, her voice small but furious, reached over and took out a Pokeball.

Coal was still trying to get a Scratch in, but his opponent was too fast.

"Why did you...? We didn't do anything..." Blue stood up and turned around, grasping the Pokeball tightly. Pretty soon her first started to shake.

The Mankey Scratched Coal across the face, leaving a gash and causing him to bleed. Coal growled with anger and retaliated by using Ember, scorching the Mankeys' fur. "MANKEYYYYY!"

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?" Blue threw the ball as hard as she could at the Pokémon, who was in the process of delivering a fatal blow to her beloved Charmander. It hit the Mankey right in the middle of its eyes, fell to the ground and pinged once.

She had caught it.
Reply With Quote
  #9    
Old August 31st, 2012, 02:59 PM
DarkIceForever's Avatar
DarkIceForever
Booted out - don't be like me!
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: California
Gender: Female
Nature: Adamant
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rubyroo View Post
Thanks for reviewing, Dark! Wow, that's a lot to comment on, and regardless of the content, I appreciate it a whole lot. Let me see if I can answer some (if not all) of your concerns...



There is one thing that I dislike about your critiques: you compare too much. I am not basing my characters off of the anime nor the manga, and I find it somewhat insulting that you say that my interpretation of Gary (in this story) isn't following 'canon' Gary. By comparing my Gary to the anime Gary, of course it isn't going to believable! I think you should keep the outside comparisons to a minimum, since I am not using anime Gary. Thank you!

There is no way in hell that am I letting a little bit of criticism stop me from finishing my story! Thank you for reviewing and telling me your feelings - I hope I have made a few things clear to you.
Sorry if I do, It's just you didn't provide an author note detailing what type of canon you're using. That was open for speculation and that's when I tend to assume. You know what they say about assuming. Makes an ass out of me and an ass out of you. lol


You don't EVER let a criticism stop you doing from what you love! T_T


Quote:
Could you explain a little bit more about his characteristics that I should improve upon? Gary plays a big role, actually. Pretty soon we'll figure out what's going on in his head...
The story will progress and he will have character development, don't worry about. Its more of an intial presumption. You decide that, since it's your 'own canon' of characters. If he was Anime Gary, then I'd say behavior, but alas its not.

REVIEW ON REQUEST, I'll take look at your new chapters now. Or I'll review if I have something I have to really take off my chest.


Chea boy,

DarkIce
Reply With Quote
Reply
Quick Reply

Sponsored Links
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Minimum Characters Per Post: 25



All times are UTC -8. The time now is 02:05 AM.


Style by Nymphadora, artwork by Sa-Dui.
Like our Facebook Page Follow us on Twitter © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity™, pokecommunity.com.
Pokémon characters and images belong to The Pokémon Company International and Nintendo. This website is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Nintendo, Creatures, GAMEFREAK, The Pokémon Company or The Pokémon Company International. We just love Pokémon.
All forum styles, their images (unless noted otherwise) and site designs are © 2002 - 2014 The PokéCommunity / PokéCommunity.com.
PokéCommunity™ is a trademark of The PokéCommunity. All rights reserved. Sponsor advertisements do not imply our endorsement of that product or service. User generated content remains the property of its creator.