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Old August 18th, 2012, 05:30 PM
nyssa101red's Avatar
nyssa101red
master trainer
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: New York
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Nature: Brave
its not rly pokemon its somethin tht happened in my life and o needed to get it out but if u wanna make out to b pokemon its an ash and misty story I guess
plz review it...


HONEY WHY U CALLIN ME SO LATE ITS KINDA HARD TO TLK RITE NOW
"I'm sorry" she said "I have to go back to him" she turned away with tears in her eyes. He cldnt believe what just happened her ex threanted her and she went running back to him he just stood there in shock and disbeliefe tryin to hold back the tears forming in his eyes
HONEY WHY U CRYIN IS EVERYTHING OK I GOTTA WHISPER CUZ I CANT B TOO LOUD
She stood there siently crying yes she loved him with her whole heart but she cldnt let her ex go and it b her fault she had to do it even if it hurt her
WELL MY GIRLS IN THE NEXT ROOM SOMETIMES I WISH SHE WAS U I GUESS WE NVR REALLY MOVED ON
he walked up to her knowing he wasn't the reason she left and put his arms around her. She turned around and looked at him suprised bye his actions
ITS REALLY GOOD TO HEAR UR VOICE SAYIN MY NAME IT SOUNDS SO SWEET COMIN FROM THE LIPS OF AN ANGEL HEARIN THOSE WORDS IT MAKES ME WEAK
"I'm sorry" she said in a voic full of sorrow "I know" he said "you hate me" she said looking down afride of his anwser "no" he said and he kissed her
AND I NVR WANNA SAY GOODBYE BUT GIRL U MAKE IT HARD TO B FAITHFUL WITH THE LIPS OF AN ANGEL
she was shocked by this but gave into the kiss when they broke she looked up at him tears still in her eyes "why" she asked and he just pulled her back in
ITS FUNNY THT UR CALLIN ME TONIGHT AND YES I DREMPT OF U TOO
the kiss was full of passion it was everything that made her weak inside she enjoyed every minuent of the kiss
DOSE HE KNOW UR TLKIN TO ME WILL IT START A FIGHT NO I DONT THINK SHE HAS A CLUE
when they broke this time he looked into her eyes and smiled she still questioned "why" "because" he said
WELL MY GIRLS IN THE NEXT ROOM SOMTIMES I WISH SHE WAS U I GUESS WE NVR REALLY MOVED ON
she was confused he just smiled and put a hand on her face wiping away a stray tear and brushin loose hair away
ITS REALLY GOOD TO HEAR UR VOICE SAYIN MY NAME IT SOUNDS SO SWEET COMIN FROM THE LIPS OF AN ANGEL HEARIN THOSE WOOLRDS IT MAKES ME WEAK
"I know I still have ur heart" he said with a smile "and u still have mine ill wait for u no matter how long it takes I love u he said" she was shocked "I love u too but.." she was cut off by him placing a finger to her lips "but nothing" he said as he pulled her into another kiss full of passion
AND I NVR WANNA SAY GOODBYE BUT GIRL U MAKE IT HARD TO B FAITHFUL WITH THE LIPS OF AN ANGEL<3


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  #2    
Old August 18th, 2012, 06:40 PM
Astinus's Avatar
Astinus
Remember NovEnder
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Connecticut, USA
Age: 27
Gender: Male
This is really difficult to read. Between the capslock all throughout the story, the improper grammar, and the text speak, it's hard to tell what's going on. There's also a lack of description, so it's difficult to even get a sense of what the story is about.

You can rewrite the story and take your time writing it. Ask for a beta reader to help you with the grammar and spelling if need be. There are spell checkers that you can use online. And please don't use text speak.

The section's rules say that stories need to be at least readable, and this is difficult to read, so thread closed.
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