Pokemon: The Walking Dead [M] (OOC/SU)

[Pppgggr]

Ok, Genevieve, I have a couple of issues with your signup. First of all are some grammar issues in your opening post that you really need to look out for. You seem to be very fond of comma splicing.

A comma splice is when you take a run-on sentence and combine it with commas.

Natasha sighed looking up at the sky, it was early morning, so most of it was still black, and she could still see the moon and the stars, but on the edge of the horizon, she could see the purple, orange, red and other colors of the sunrise just barely visible.

This one's more subtle but I do see comma splicing here. Several parts of this sentence that are separated by commas should be made into their own sentence. For this first one, I'll show you how to rewrite it:

"Natasha sighed looking up at the sky. It was early morning, so most of it was still black, and she could still see the moon and the stars. On the edge of the horizon, she could see the purple, orange, red and other colors of the sunrise just barely visible."

Here's another, much more prominent comma splice:

With a sigh she glanced to her right at the body of Jarrod, the boy had been foolish, trying to betray her like that during the night, but she had no choice but to kill him, she wasn't going to regret that.

I minus well show you how to rewrite this one as well.

"With a sigh she glanced to her right at the body of Jarrod. The boy had been foolish in trying to betray her like that during the night, but she had no choice other than to kill him. She wasn't going to regret it."


As you can see, I also corrected some of your word usage there.

There are a few other instances of comma splicing. In order to detect these, try reading your post and history aloud and see where you pause. That'll help you decide when it's a new sentence.

I just want you to get ahold of this before I allow you into the roleplay. Run-on sentences make a piece of literature very difficult to read and makes it irritating to interact with this person. There are several other grammar mistakes in there, but I'm not going to be too picky.

Get this fixed and then I'll accept you. I won't be so worried about your grammar once the roleplay actually starts, but others may take issue, so it's best to get ahold of this comma splicing issue now.


On top of this(And I'm not faulting you specifically on this), WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH EVERYONE AND MACHETES AND SWORDS? All three sign-ups I've gotten have involved the characters owning some form of a blade. I did say I accepted melee weapons, but I was for the most-part considering bashing a creature's head in with a pipe or a base-ball bat. I didn't want everyone in the roleplay to be some sort of Samurai.

[~Genevieve~]

I'll fix it in the morning thanks for telling me,

as for the whole blade thing, most people might choose it because it'd be very easy to kill zombies with lol

[Pppgggr]

The rules have been updated

NO ITEMS THAT ARE MADE SPECIFICALLY TO BE A WEAPON. IF YOU ARE TO USE A MELEE WEAPON, IT MUST BE A NATURAL ITEM FOUND LYING AROUND SUCH AS A BASEBALL BAT, A PIPE, A WOOD AXE, ETC. EVERYONE WHO HAS USED A MACHETE OR SWORD IN THEIR APP MUST REVISE IT

[Greiger]

*Salutes* Done and done. Wrench it is then.

[~Genevieve~]

could I use a fire poker, I could add in the history about her house having a fireplace, that way it'd make sense for it to be there

[Pppgggr]

Sure.....Just realize that it's not a blade, and it'd be very difficult to keep it hot while on the move.

[~Genevieve~]

well the points not to keep it hot, it could easily be used to stab, but I plan on having her lose it near the beginning of the rp so she won't have it that long.

Also fixed my Opening Post.

[IceFyr1928]

Fine... no machete... it'll be an ax. You did list that. Yeah...

[Pppgggr]

Ok, we have three accepted applicants and I know one more's on the way....If we can make it to six, I'll submit the IC thread. From there, people can join as they see fit.

[heretostay123]

Sounds great! Here's my SU so far!

Name: Clay Barren
Age: 22
Gender: Male

Appearance(Picture can be provided in its place):

Personality:

History:

Pokemon: Grimer-Sewage

Moves(6 Max): Sludge Bomb, Sludge, Toxic, Pound

Opening Post(8-10 lines minimum):

[Pppgggr]

Ok then Hero, if you're not done within the time frame of 3 hours, I'll review it tomorrow.

[OrangeNess]

Almost done. Just gotta write the opening. Is it good so far?

Name: Doug Juniper
Age: 14
Gender: M
Appearance(Picture can be provided in its place): Doug is a small boy,reaching only 4’9”. He is usually covered in dirt and has green eyes like his mother, Professor Juniper. He is a semi-tanned boy with lots of acne. He carries around a satchel with him to keep his pokemon and pokedex in.

Personality: Doug is a pokemon researcher. Not really, that’s a self-proclaimed title. His goal is to complete the zombie pokedex, a concoction he created himself where it give the usual data, zombie data, and risk of infection. He is super good with computers and loves his pokemon with all his heart.

History(How did you avoid the infection, what was life like leading up to it? 6vlines minimum): Doug was on a vacation to the Kanto region without his mother before the outbreak. He feels like it come so suddenly. He had almost completed the pokedex, before the outbreak. He realized he couldn’t scan pokemon that were infected, so he hacked the pokedex he currently had to the title Infectiondex.He ended up in the Pewter Gym, hiding in the attic. He lived on pecha berries,because there was a pecha tree outside the attic that he could just about reach. One day he falls out the window, trying to reach a berry. Just great. He picks up a baseball bat on a nearby field and it has been his friend since then.

Pokemon(2 maximum, types immune to the disease include rock-types and ghost-types. You are not required to have one of these two types, but keep theinfection in mind if you don't.):
Pokemon: Froslass
Nickname: Shadow
Personality: Sneaky and quick would sum her up well.
Level:29
Moves(6 Max): Double Team, Icy Wind, Astonish, Confuse Ray, Ominous Wind, Wake-Up Slap
Opening Post(8-10 lines minimum):

[Pppgggr]

Ness, Before I even ATTEMPT to look over your SU, you need to make it longer. It's so TINY.

Edit: Oh, and Genevieve, you should have notified me of your changes. Took a while to realize it. Accepted.

[heretostay123]

SU UPDATED

Name: Clay. Nuff said.
Age: 22
Gender: Male

Appearance(Picture can be provided in its place): Clay is about 6'4, a relatively average height for someone his age. His figure is very unaverage, however. If you look at him from a distance, he looks like a gorilla. His arms hand down to his knees and his legs are a little short. Even his torso is larger than normal, for it makes up most of his height. Before the infection, people called him Gorilla....Although he despised it. After a while, he began to work out and his long arms began to be extremely strong. These newly strengthened appendages give him an uncanny ability to climb, further proving his nickname. Clay has a mop of dark, greasy hair that stops right above his eyebrows. His eyes are as red as the mineral he was named after. His face in general, is actually quite handsome. His usual clothing includes specialized, dusty blue jeans, that fit him perfectly, and a brown trenchcoat that he keeps random items in for certain emergencies. He wears a backpack to carry all of his stuff in.

Personality:

History:

Pokemon: Grimer-Sewage

Moves(6 Max): Sludge Bomb, Sludge, Toxic, Pound

Opening Post(8-10 lines minimum):

[Pppgggr]

'kay, Hero. With your next post, just edit the SU and state that you've finished. No need to post multiple copies of your Sign-up sheet.

[heretostay123]

Alright. I'll finish it sooner or later...most likely sooner.

[Pppgggr]

'kay then. Once you finish your SU and Ness fixes his, I'll probably submit the IC thread and others can join us as it continues.

[Khawill]

Names: James and Helen
Ages: 24 and 23
Occupations: James was a college student, double majoring in physical education and Pokemon studies. Helen was in nursing school.

James Appearence: James is built for athletics, at a glance one could see that he practices and works out every day. Additionally he is pretty tall, standing at 6"4. He wears running sneakers at all times, always ready to be on the move. The outbreak caught him during a gym class so he is stuck wearing his gym clothes (not that he cares much, his motto is that if it is too cold, start running). He has brown hair, usually shaved, and a faded beard. James always carries a bag of food and most of the heavy stuff, he also has a bat stolen from the college

Helen's Appearence: Helen is regarded as gorgeous by everyone at the college her and James attend. She always wears her hair down, hair that is dyed pink in honor of Nurse Joy. She is much smaller than James at around 5"3 and often complains about it. She is always bright, admirers say her smile is like the sun and the moon, though James states that those people are just kissing ass.
Helen wears normal clothes, jeans and a t-shirt that is, and wears tennis shoes. She always carries a bag of medical supplies with her just in case.
Helen uses a crowbar as her weapon of choice.

Personalities: James and Helen are inseparable, ever since high school they have been together. James gave up the idea of being a trainer because Helen wanted to be a nurse, and Helen gave up her number one school to be with James.

Many of their friends picture them as the perfect couple, if you asked James a question about Helen he could answer it, if you asked Helen a question about James she could answer it and give the reason why.

This is likely because of their personalities though. James is very active and outgoing. He was captain of his sports teams for three years straight, and gave great speeches. Many see him as a kind, loud, and caring friend to all. This is not to say he wasn't the violent type though, if he saw someone doing something he deemed as "wrong" it wouldn't take much taunting for him to straight up kick the crap out of you, in fact he was known as the best fighter in high school, (third in college). He had a pokemon that had died from the virus, causing him great despair, but even that didn't make his spirits and charisma go down.

Helen is a much more timid personality, she never owned Pokemon, but the one James had owned was the closest thing to one she had. She is seen as the angel that follows a guardian (James) because whenever someone is bullying another, her and James are there (James is there to beat the bully to a pulp, Helen is there to comfort the victim). There are not many who didn't have a crush on her, either because of looks or personality. Other than medical aid and a soothing voice, Helen isn't that smart, often forgetful and careless about things she can often be seen getting tutoring or staying after school for teacher help. (James isn't as smart either, but he is strong so who cares)

After the outbreak, nothing much about their personality changed, they kept their freinds in contact, and found that a few of them were still alive (the others have no word sent back). They set themselves a goal: To help any and all survivors, no matter what. They are willing to risk their own life to save another's and to be honest, James is having a lot of fun.

History: (A lot of it is in the personality) They have been a couple since freshman year of high school, where James had just moved in. After high school they went to the same college, and managed to get the same dorm room, (they are not intimate).

During the outbreak James was in gym class, playing baseball, some of the students had began puking and suddenly attacking the rest of the class. James was at first confused, and reluctant to kill the zombies, but after one had literally mutilated his friend, James had no issues. He saved the other students, (well the ones who needed saving, some of his team mates also had bats and were able to help.) and escorted them into a secure room. He asked them to wait there.

He sprinted to the side of the college where Helen was, saving other students along the way. He found her and her class barricaded in a bio lab. After convincing her to leave (the rest of the class thought it was safer to stay in the lab) and making his way back to his gym class, they devised a plan. To save the entire school. Armed with minimal weapons, they took anything from bats to crowbars, to fire hatchets to fight back. They liberated fifty out of six hundred students at the college, and many of the other five hundred and fifty were zombies, so Helen and James ran away, along with their classmates and teachers.

The students and teachers scattered all over the region, looking for refuge. James and Helen do not seek refuge though, they don't want to look for safety, they want to create it.

[Megaman765]

Hoho, this is sounding like a pretty legit zombie pokemon survival RP. I'd like to reserve a spot. Hurricane is gonna be hitting here soon so I dunno if I'll have my electricity by the time my SU finishes

[Pppgggr]

Khawill accepted, Megaman, there's no need to reserve anything. Unlimited slots and well accept after the IC is posted.

[Icy Burn]

Name: Rick

Age: 17

Gender: M

Appearance(Picture can be provided in its place):


Personality: He lived in the orphanage until his 17th birthday, he always used to sit in the corner, alone. The other kids used to make fun of his hair, his clothes, and they were just mean and selfish towards him. That has shaped his personality now, as Rick thinks that anyone will just be mean and selfish, just like the children at the orphanage. He doesn't speak much, but when someone tries to annoy him, he just goes crazy.

History(How did you avoid the infection, what was life like leading up to it? 6 lines minimum): His Mum and Dad had died in a car crash when Rick was young, his social workers had tried and tried to get him adopted, but he just wouldn't have it. He tried to run away several times when he was younger, but when he became a teenager, he didn't think there was a point in doing it. When the infection came, Pokerus had poisoned all of the other Pokemon in the Orphanage, and the other children loved it. They were trying it out on all of there Pokemon, but Rick thought something wasn't right. He and his companion, Pikachu, escaped to Pallet Town, were he had came from. They had then hid for several weeks, and that brings us to now.

Pokemon(2 maximum, types immune to the disease include rock-types and ghost-types. You are not required to have one of these two types, but keep the infection in mind if you don't.): Pikachu

Moves(6 Max):
Thunderbolt
Thunder Wave
Volt Tackle
Tackle

Opening Post(8-10 lines minimum):

"The poison will be here soon, Pikachu," Rick whispered quietly to his companion.

Rick had narrowly managed to escape the Orphanage with his companion, Pikachu. He had then ran back to his hometown, Pallet Town, were he hid for several weeks. Both him and Pikachu knew that they couldn't stay there for much longer. Rick knew that Pikachu will soon be infected by the disease.

"We won't be able to say here for much longer, Pikachu."

Pikachu had already nearly caught the disease, in Saffron City. The remaining few knew that Saffron City was the worst city, but they had to get around it some how. Pikachu was nearly infected when Rick thought a boy from the city was trying to help them, but he was actually trying to inject the bacteria into Pikachu's body.

Rick suddenly heard a faint humming noise, and it was slowly becoming louder and louder. He poked his head out from the tree him and Pikachu had been hiding in, and it was then when he saw it. He could see the bacteria in a huge group, all clumped together.

"Pikachu, duck!" ...

[Sweet_Dreams]

Ooh, this looks like fun!

I'll have an SU in later today, or possibly tomorrow.

[Sir Bastian]

Well sheet, if Megaman is signing up to an RP based on Pokémon -and- The Walking Dead, then I don't really have a choice, do I? xD I should have an SU up in a couple hours, with any luck!

Any idea when abouts the IC thread will be up?

EDIT:
And thus, an SU was born! Hope this is good enough, and if not, do let me know what to change

Name: Jackson Wells

Age: 21

Gender: Male

Appearance(Picture can be provided in its place): Jack isn’t exactly the most physically fit person in the world, but before all of the crazy stuff happened, he did use to do a little workout here and there, and spent quite some time travelling back and forth between cities for his parents.
He’s thin, but not athletically built. He has black hair, short in the front and long in the back, reaching down to his neck. He’s a very average-looking type guy, but he doesn’t exactly look like a guy with the capabilities of a leader, sometimes looking somewhat doubtful of himself, even if he, in his mind, isn’t.

Personality: Jackson probably isn’t the kind of person someone would have expected to be one of the survivors of the apocalypse. Nor would anyone have said that he’d die as one of the first. Jackson is a somewhat unremarkable person in that regard, more or less simply slipping under the radar of most people.

Jackson has always preferred to be in very small groups of people, but has never said no when it came to the choice of helping someone else, or himself. At least, that’s how it was –before- all of this happened.
After the recent events, he’s been more wary of people (and Pokémon) in general, but will always hear out someone who gives him a reason to believe they wouldn’t attack him on sight.

Once you get to know him, you’ll find him to be a tinge realistic, but with a good amount of positivity, which is rare for a world that’s gone, well, to ****, like this. He cares the most for his Pokémon, more so than he does himself, and will do everything he can to ensure the survival of him, and them. But if it came to a choice between them and another person in need… chances are, he’ll have a hard time deciding.

History(How did you avoid the infection, what was life like leading up to it? 6 lines minimum): Jackson lived his entire life in Lavender Town, alongside his mother and father, his mother who worked at the Pokémon Center. He had, with the help of his father, managed to catch a Gastly at a very early age, and he’s been living with said Gastly for quite a long time. Not long ago, he also caught an Abra, who he’s recently bonded with, during one of his deliveries for his mother.

About four days before the outbreak, Jackson was asked by his mother to deliver a parcel to Pewter City, containing some medicine, ordered by them. The Pokérus fad was dying down, and Jackson was honestly happy about it, for one reason or another.

It took him a couple of days to arrive in Pewter City, being in the other side of the region and whatnot, but he eventually did arrive. However, as he went to deliver the parcel in the Pokémon Center, all hell broke loose outside. Pokémon were attacking humans, shouting, screaming, crying and generally chaos.

Jackson was horried with what he saw through the windows of the Pokémon Center, and some brave souls ran out, trying to help the people outside. However, the police officer thankfully present quickly shut down the Center and prevented anyone else from going out… or coming in. Jackson and a few others said that they had to help others who might need shelter, but the officer quickly took charge of the situation and made it clear that if they didn’t follow his rules, they were welcome to leave.

Several days went by where the occupants of the Pokémon Center simply waited, trying to get some news from the outside world in, via the TV or the Radio within, but with no such luck. On the fourth day of being locked up in the Center, a scream emitted from the back room, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened. An infected Rattata had snuck its way in through a ventilation shaft and assaulted the nurse.

The Center evolved into chaos, and before long, only four people managed to get out of the building alive. Jackson, the police officer, and two others. Outside, they met with several infected Pokémon –and- humans. The sight of these, made Jackson freeze in place and turn tail, running deeper into the city, abandoning the others. Eventually, he managed to find a house that looked fairly intact, and with the help of his two Pokémon, quickly cleared it out of infected, using his Kadabra’s Psycho Cut, once he had discovered the only way to killing an infected, was the head.

He holed himself up within the house, making sure it was more or less air tight, and stayed put, hoping desperately that someone would stop by… someone who could help him return to Lavender and check up on his parents.

Pokemon:

Haunter (Male);

Nickname: Fog

Moves: Confuse Ray, Shadow Punch, Hypnosis, Dream Eater and Night Shade.

Kadabra (Male);

Nickname: Ace
Moves: Psychic, Psybeam, Psycho Cut, Teleport and Recover.


Opening Post(8-10 lines minimum):
“I… think it’s gone…” Jackson mumbled out as he peeked through a tiny hole in the curtains of the living room, glancing back at Ace, the Kadabra, sitting with its legs crossed on the floor, and the Haunter, slowly floating around the lamp hanging from the ceiling, which wasn’t lit. He had turned on a small lamp and put it in the middle of the room, thanking Arceus for the electricity at least still being here.

“Dabra.” Ace said, his hands resting on his knees while looking up at Jackson. He sighed softly and pulled the curtain firmly shut again, moving over to sit down in front of Ace, Fog slowly descending down next to Ace, glancing between the two.

“I don’t know what to do, guys…” He ran his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “If we can even make it out of the city, we’ll still have to either go through the cave to Vermillion, or to Cerulean… and we have no idea the state of the other cities. I think Celadon would be a safe bet to go to… it’s a big city, and they probably made some defenses pretty quickly.”

The Pokémon stayed quiet as Jackson mumbled out his ideas, eventually closing his eyes with a frown. “… It’ll be alright. We just need to wait for someone to come through. Hopefully they’ll see my sign and try to get in here. We’re starting to run low on food too…” He added, looking up at the others, Fog now looking a little worried. “Haunter..?”

The sign he was referring to was a fairly big piece of wood resting up against the house he was hiding in, with large letters writing out “HELP – Living inside”. He had cleared out the middle of the rooms throughout the house and used the two sofas to block up the front door, just in case.
Hopefully help would indeed come soon.

[Pppgggr]

I'll look over the new SUs soon. I'm in a bit of a predicament at the moment, so it may not be until late tonight or tomorrow after school.

[IceFyr1928]

Well, you seem confident. Haven't played Dead Island, have you? /That's/ a zombie game. Much more realistic than, say, Resident Evil.