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  #1    
Old October 11th, 2012 (04:00 PM).
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Hypothetically, you are about to have a child and have decided that things just aren't working out for you and aren't stable enough to raise a child. You have decided to put him or her up for adoption. Would you like to be part of your child's life, in any way, shape, or form? Whether it be directly involved, getting updates by the mail from his or her foster parents, and so on and so forth.
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Old October 11th, 2012 (05:02 PM).
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I'd definitely want updates from the foster family. I'd want to know how my kid was progressing. I would also want to see them from time to time, and possibly take custody if circumstances forced me to later in life.

I don't foresee myself having kids though, so I don't know why I am replying to this
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Old October 11th, 2012 (08:48 PM).
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I'd be very interested in my child's life, but to what extent that'd I'd be involved would be up to the foster parents. If they feel that it's awkward that I'm around then I will definitely give them the space they want. I wouldn't want to be completely shut out though.
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Old October 11th, 2012 (10:25 PM).
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I'd definitely want to be involved somehow... I don't know if I could stand having a baby and never knowing what happened to it.
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Old October 12th, 2012 (12:51 AM).
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I think it would be hard to completely ignore the child's existence, so I would like to be involved in some way.
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Old October 12th, 2012 (03:55 AM).
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I'm eleven years old, and I already have a dream family. I want to have a boy kid, with long blonde hair. I'll name him Thor. I'll adopt another kid, with long black hair, and I'll name him Loki. So yeah, I'm thinking of going into a foster home twenty years from now.
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Old October 15th, 2012 (04:48 AM).
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Nah, I'm good. Cut and run, let the kid have a good life with the adoptive parents and I'll carry on with mine.
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Old October 15th, 2012 (09:34 AM).
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I dunno. That idea kinda annoys me. Like, you've got someone who is thinking they can't handle being a parent and then still wants to be part of their kid's life? I say you can't have your cake and eat it, too. But I know I'm not ever going to be in the position of wanting a kid (crazy!) and then at the last minute deciding I'm not cut out to handle that.
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Old October 15th, 2012 (10:04 AM).
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I'm not sure but I think I would like that, and to be able to contact the child when I'm ready. It would be a shame but if the kid would be better off in someone else's care for whatever reason, then I guess that route would be the one to take.
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Old October 16th, 2012 (01:37 PM).
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If I were in that situation, I would like to be involved in some way. I mean, even if its through email, I would like to know what kind of life my child is having, which would hopefully be better than how mine was if I had to give him or her away.
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Old October 16th, 2012 (04:35 PM).
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I'm not sure. Knowing me, I'd probably be too ashamed to be present myself to them because I failed to be a proper parent in the first place but if they wanted some form of contact, I hope I wouldn't be adverse to it.
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Old October 16th, 2012 (10:08 PM).
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Quote originally posted by Scarf:
I dunno. That idea kinda annoys me. Like, you've got someone who is thinking they can't handle being a parent and then still wants to be part of their kid's life? I say you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
I agree with this. Once you've given your child up for adoption, I think that should be it for your contact with the child in question. No takebacks, as the kids say.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (03:55 AM).
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If I'm genuinely not able to take care of a kid that I've spawned for whatever reason, then I don't think I should be a part of that kid's life until I'm ready to accept responsibility and explain why I gave him/her up in the first place. So there probably wouldn't be any contact for at least a couple of years after the kid was born. After that... it would honestly depend on how my state of mind was, coupled with if the kid knows that they're adopted and all sorts of other factors.

In summary, like the Nancy Myers film: it's complicated.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (05:18 AM).
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Quote originally posted by Lightning:
I'm not sure. Knowing me, I'd probably be too ashamed to be present myself to them because I failed to be a proper parent in the first place but if they wanted some form of contact, I hope I wouldn't be adverse to it.
Obviously it's hard to know until the situation a actually happens, but I agree with what Erica said. If I'd had the child and then gave it up for whatever reason, I'd feel terrible about it and I'd hate to show my face to that child. I'd rather it had a new father that it learnt to love as a real dad rather than having to deal with me having cast it away. If they did ever want to get in contact once they're mature enough to handle it then I probably would agree since of course I'd want to know how the child is doing and I'd probably ask for updates from the parents, but I don't think the underlying feeling of shame would be easy to lift.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (05:42 AM).
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I wouldn't ask for anything from the family other than if the child wants to make contact with me that they have a way to do so.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (09:15 AM).
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If I put my kid up to adoption, I'd try to make time to see him/her whenever I can just so he/she doesn't miss me.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (09:57 AM).
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I think the best thing to do is kind of what Cat Dog said, let some time pass before you try and rear your head back into their life, if you even can. I think you should still be able to reach them if need be, hopefully to reconcile in the future.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (02:29 PM).
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I'd leave it up to the adoptive parents. If they don't want me, that's fine. If they do, that's fine too. They're the ones taking care of the child; they can do whatever they wish when it comes to me. It'd probably be awkward to give up the child for adoption and see them again though. ._.;
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Old October 24th, 2012 (02:40 PM).
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I wouldn't give the child up unless it was absolutely mandatory, and there was no way I could support a child.

There are way too many kids in foster care right now; I'm not saying foster parents are bad parents, but more often than not kids in foster care go through a lot of different families.

If it was the case, I would want bi-monthly updates.
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Old October 24th, 2012 (05:05 PM).
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If I'm not making enough money to support just myself and my significant other, then I'm not going to make my child go through that. Perhaps I could visit him or her in the future, but they would not have a permanent home under my care.
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Old October 25th, 2012 (07:35 PM).
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well,it's pretty weird talking about a child who's mine lol but i'll give my opinion anyway

HELL NO! i'll never leave my child to began with..i'd work harder i'll do my best i won't care what others think but i'll make sure to keep him\her save and WITH ME!!..i mean how would i leave a part of me with some other people i won't know how they actually deal with him\her,how his\her life goes? what he\she eats and what he\she loves and hates..No no No way....if i get a child i know that i'll be responsible for him\her no doubt and no other choices
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Old October 25th, 2012 (07:51 PM).
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Well, to be honest, I probably wouldn't even be having sex lol. And if I was having sex, I'd probably be married. And if I was married, I would be financially stable. And if I was married, financially stable, and having sex, I'd use protection. And I don't want to give birth. See, I'd rather be the person adopting the child in this situation. When I saw this thread labeled as "adoption" I was hoping it'd be about whether or not you'd choose to adopt instead of put up your child for adoption...anyway, I wouldn't put up my child for adoption. That was MYYYY BAAAAD so you know, I'm not just gonna go give it away. I don't think I could. 9 months in me and all that pushing and screaming, hell no, you're staying right here, kid. lol But since you're making me go against my will and put the thing up for adoption, I'll just wait till he/she can hire a private investigator and come find me. I'd like pictures from the adoptive parents though, but I'm afraid Syd Jr. would get taken up by some crazy family so...ehhh.

I like adoption more from the other way around, as in me adopting. Just saying. v_v lol
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Old October 28th, 2012 (01:10 AM).
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Having been adopted myself, I can say with confidence that unless the kid expresses some interest in learning about his/her natural parents, I'd stay out of their life. I personally haven't made any attempt to find my birth mother, nor have I ever had the desire to do so, so I figure I wouldn't get involved with the kid's life unless they want me to be.

Of course, I don't ever see myself doing anything where I might end up with this scenario...
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