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Reload this Page Little Box Of Squirrels - An attempt at poetry!

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Old November 27th, 2012 (07:52 PM).
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Squirrel Squirrel is offline
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I've always loved reading poetry but I've never given it a go myself, so I thought it was about time to try! I didn't write any biggies yet since it's 3am and I don't time at the moment, but if I get round to it then I'll make sure to post them :D These are just some basic smaller poems, mainly only tried out the styles that looked particularly interesting... Lots of feedback would be wonderful (no matter how negative - it's great for improving!) and hope you enjoy them to some degree! I think one or two of them are certainly pretty bad but I'll let you decide that for yourself haha. Also sorry about the titles, I really had no idea for most of them .-.

The Alternative - (Diamonte)

War
Murder, betratyal
Conspiring, unrelenting, devastating
Savaging, destroying -- Pacifying, harmonising
Invigorating, loving, caring
Wholesome, halcyon
Peace

Survival - (Haiku)

Corroding the shell
Time wasting away in sand
Never ending race

Running - (Acrostic)

Running
Under the pressure of time
Never going to stop
Never looking back
Inspiring more than ever
Never saying never
Going on till the very end

Fire & Water - (Mirror Cinquains; Crapsey)

Fire
Warming, glowing
Burning, sparking, growing
Ever setting our hearts alight
Friendship

Alone
When all has changed in an instant
Cooling, calming, waiting
Tepid, silent
Water

Playtime - (Limerick)

On the island of Saint Regalo
The children played screaming, "ee!" and "oh!"
But the teacher was cross
And the laughter was lost
When the children all bit her down low!
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Old November 28th, 2012 (04:27 AM).
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bobandbill bobandbill is offline
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Where is the poetry about boxes of squirrels!? =p
Quote originally posted by AlexOzzyCake:
The Alternative - (Diamonte)

War
Murder, betratyal
Conspiring, unrelenting, devastating
Savaging, destroying -- Pacifying, harmonising
Invigorating, loving, caring
Wholesome, halcyon
Peace
Neat way to structure the poem, I thought. Might have been even neater if more words had mirrored their 'matching' word better (ie war/peace is good, others didn't quite compare too well besides being good/bad).
Quote:
Survival - (Haiku)

Corroding the shell
Time wasting away in sand
Never ending race
I'm not quite sure what the poem is about exactly - I think crabs or somsuch which uses shell, but I am not too confident of that. Any answers? Anyways nice enough for a haiku I suppose, although I am not much of an expert on them.
Quote:
Running - (Acrostic)

Running
Under the pressure of time
Never going to stop
Never looking back
Inspiring more than ever
Never saying never
Going on till the very end
A bit repetitive for my liking, namely with the 'never going to stop/going on till the very end' lines which basically say the same thing. I'd suggest trying to say more in it if possible so there's more to the poem than just that.
Quote:
Fire & Water - (Mirror Cinquains; Crapsey)

Fire
Warming, glowing
Burning, sparking, growing
Ever setting our hearts alight
Friendship

Alone
When all has changed in an instant
Cooling, calming, waiting
Tepid, silent
Water
Crapsey?

Also neat reverse structure theme going on here. I like this sort of thing here.
Quote:
Playtime - (Limerick)

On the island of Saint Regalo
The children played screaming, "ee!" and "oh!"
But the teacher was cross
And the laughter was lost
When the children all bit her down low!
The second line sounds a bit off to me in the wording ('played screaming, "ee!"' part in particular), so I'd suggest some rewording there. o_o at the event at the end, haha. Fits a limerick though! =p

Overall not a bad start with poems here. =) Post more!
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