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  #51    
Old September 11th, 2013, 01:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Sydian View Post
Ew, mushy lovey advice.

Anyway, ugh I hate that I'm actually using this thread for something like this, but I'm really at a loss here and I'd like more a general answer than the ones I've gotten from specific people that I know really well.

1. Is it considered weird to talk to someone for the first time over Facebook, or should I keep pushing for face to face conversation? Like, actually carry a conversation. The "Hi, I'm so-and-so" I've had with them doesn't count as talking. I have social anxiety so talking to people isn't my forte, especially when I'm the one that is gonna have to take the first step here.

2. This is mainly aimed at guys, but girls can answer too really. Do you think it's weird when girls take initiative in talking to someone and making the moves? Does it come off as creepy or trying too hard or something? I've just generally noticed that guys tend to think that when girls try to get close to a guy, they're crazy or weird or psycho, but if a guy does it, it seems to be totally fine and cute. idk. I'm at a loss here. lol

I really can't believe I'm using this thread for this omg. v_v Good thing no one I know irl goes here.


1. You can do whichever makes you the most comfortable. Me and my girlfriend actually started talking via Facebook because of a post her cousin posted (I'm friends with him on Facebook). She then added me and then we talked for a couple of months and then we finally got to see each other in real life and now It'll be 4 years, this December that I've been with her.
So if talking by Facebook makes you feel better, do it by Facebook first and then when both of you are really comfortable with each other you can start seeing each other face to face more often. Because when you see someone face to face right away, either he's rushing things too fast or he's just a creeper. Just take things slow and see how things turn out.

2. Actually no, sometimes the guy is too shy or too afraid of the answers he might get from speaking to a girl first. My girlfriend is actually the first one to talk to me, so yea.
When you start talking to a guy, don't think of it as being creepy or trying too hard, just think of it as just trying to know him better since he sparks an interest in you.
As for saying that guys thinking that girls are psycho, weird or crazy for talking first, that's not really true. Guys likes it when girls talk first, they'll find it really nice and if the guy as a crush on you, he'll know that you trying to talk first really means you're interested in him or something like that.


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Edit: Wow, I didn't realize Syd's post was from two weeks ago... oh well. Hopefully she reads this and she get some advice from it.
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  #52    
Old September 23rd, 2013, 05:03 PM
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Alright I'm having some family problems. My mom is very religious, and so is everyone else in my family. Except for me. I don't believe in god. I'm too scared to tell her cuz knowing her she will probably break my iPad and ground me for a really really long time. I'm only 13, she makes me go to church (and has every right to make me) but she also makes we waste some time out of my life going to some church retreats and has grounded me for defying the church or something like that) and I want the guts to tell her, just not getting my stuff confiscated/broken and punished... I don't know why she can't just understand... So anyone know a good way to just tell her. I don't mind not getting any Christmas presents because tbh I wouldn't deserve them. Should I just keep it in or tell her? And if I do tell her should it be before or after Christmas to kinda not ruin it for her?
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  #53    
Old September 23rd, 2013, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel View Post
Alright I'm having some family problems. My mom is very religious, and so is everyone else in my family. Except for me. I don't believe in god. I'm too scared to tell her cuz knowing her she will probably break my iPad and ground me for a really really long time. I'm only 13, she makes me go to church (and has every right to make me) but she also makes we waste some time out of my life going to some church retreats and has grounded me for defying the church or something like that) and I want the guts to tell her, just not getting my stuff confiscated/broken and punished... I don't know why she can't just understand... So anyone know a good way to just tell her. I don't mind not getting any Christmas presents because tbh I wouldn't deserve them. Should I just keep it in or tell her? And if I do tell her should it be before or after Christmas to kinda not ruin it for her?
I was in the same situation when I was younger. Catholic schools, all that crap. **** sucks man, there's not a easy way out of it. Honestly the best way to tell her is to just tell her, be polite and all but be stern enough to show that your serious. She won't take it well and I don't see anyway of getting around your stuff being confiscated. She'll try to reason with you about why you should be religious but don't give into it. You have a decision, either tell her, which is the best way to go but will lead to some unfair consequences, or wait till your 18 when she doesn't have a say in the matter anymore, then just live life how you want to. Either way it's a lose-lose situation unfortunately, but the second choice is the way you want to go if you don't want your stuff taken away. When you decide, stick with your opinion, don't let her tell you otherwise. Over time, she will forgive it, but it's definitely going to take time. Just don't handle it the way that I did. I just acted like a complete smart ass to our teachers, sleeping in class, cussing out everyone I saw, practically living in the Deacon's office. All that leads to is endless boring lectures and free crucifixes, making the situation worse.
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  #54    
Old September 23rd, 2013, 05:34 PM
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Yeah I agree with Kyrul, though personally I didn't really have an issue with christianity until not too long ago, I just got fed up with going to church because it was just so boring. Eventually my mom gave up trying to force me to go to that god damned place (irony is strong with this one).
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  #55    
Old September 23rd, 2013, 05:37 PM
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I was in the same situation when I was younger. Catholic schools, all that crap. **** sucks man, there's not a easy way out of it. Honestly the best way to tell her is to just tell her, be polite and all but be stern enough to show that your serious. She won't take it well and I don't see anyway of getting around your stuff being confiscated. She'll try to reason with you about why you should be religious but don't give into it. You have a decision, either tell her, which is the best way to go but will lead to some unfair consequences, or wait till your 18 when she doesn't have a say in the matter anymore, then just live life how you want to. Either way it's a lose-lose situation unfortunately, but the second choice is the way you want to go if you don't want your stuff taken away. When you decide, stick with your opinion, don't let her tell you otherwise. Over time, she will forgive it, but it's definitely going to take time. Just don't handle it the way that I did. I just acted like a complete smart ass to our teachers, sleeping in class, cussing out everyone I saw, practically living in the Deacon's office. All that leads to is endless boring lectures and free crucifixes, making the situation worse.
Good thing I'm not in a Catholic School. I'm thinking about telling her soon, though. Like you said, no easy way around it so might as well get it over with.
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  #56    
Old September 24th, 2013, 07:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel View Post
Good thing I'm not in a Catholic School. I'm thinking about telling her soon, though. Like you said, no easy way around it so might as well get it over with.
Be very careful about this. I'd think about a few things first. I've written a list of questions for you to consider. You don't need to answer them, since it's your decision to make. No one else can do it for you. However, if you do answer the questions , it might be easier to offer more specific advice.

1a) How do you fear your mother will react?
1b) Is there any sort of precedent that she has set that leads to you feeling this way?
1c) Realistically, how likely is she to react in the way you fear?

2a) For how long does she usually ground you?
2b) For what reasons? Be specific with yourself. For example, when you stated she grounded you for "defying the church," you must ask the natural follow-up question to that, which is, "In what way?"

3) Are you prepared to explain why you reached your decision? If your answer is no, do not bother approaching your mother about this.

4) Is your mom tolerant of other beliefs? It can somewhat be inferred "no" due to the grounding for "defying the church," but since you weren't exactly specific...
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  #57    
Old September 24th, 2013, 08:32 PM
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My sister was in a similar situation. When she was 14, she identified with the Deist (did I spell that right?) religion rather than Christianity, though I advised her not to tell my mom till she was older. She didn't wait too much longer, lol. She ended up telling my mom when she was 15. My mom didn't react too strongly to it, but she was still kind of thinking "oh it's some teenage phase, whatever." And she'd ask my sister where she thought our relatives that have passed ended up going.

I don't know your mom, though. She sounds like she has pretty strong reactions though, and while it sounds like you're willing to take them, I still feel that you should wait a while before you decide to tell her that. I wouldn't go as far as to wait until 18 to do so, but maybe do what my sister did and wait til around 15. I know you're ready to take whatever punishment may come your way, and that's bold. I commend you for it. But I'm just afraid it will mess things up with your relationship with your mom if you do it now. idk. Then again, maybe better to go ahead and get it over with.

If you are truly prepared to take what may happen to you, then I think you should go ahead and tell her. If you're not ready for it and you don't want a possible restrained relationship with your mom (remember, you're still gonna be living with her for quite some time! unless you can make other arrangements, lol) then I'd wait. It really depends on what you're ready to deal with.
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  #58    
Old September 25th, 2013, 06:20 PM
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I already did it. It actually went much better than I thought, even though now I'm grounded and still have to go to church. She started crying after I told her but she gets it. I also told her it was kinda stupid and that she was wasting money sending me to church retreats (that cost around $200) because they weren't going to affect me at all. She also said I needed a "liberation" or something like that in the church. I think it was worth it though, and if I could go back in time I would still do it.
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  #59    
Old September 26th, 2013, 04:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Dark Sneasel View Post
I already did it. It actually went much better than I thought, even though now I'm grounded and still have to go to church. She started crying after I told her but she gets it. I also told her it was kinda stupid and that she was wasting money sending me to church retreats (that cost around $200) because they weren't going to affect me at all. She also said I needed a "liberation" or something like that in the church. I think it was worth it though, and if I could go back in time I would still do it.
I wouldn't say retreats don't affect you.. you learn some valuable skills, meet some great people, and can accomplish things by going to them, including learning more about yourself and more self reflection.
Glad it went great but I wouldnt be so quick to write everything off- you can still benefit from even the church as it can provide a community that will be there and I think church bake-sales (to raise money for the needy) are a fantastic way to learn new things and be involved in helping others. The church doesn't always have to be solely about God. ;3
Good luck!
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  #60    
Old September 26th, 2013, 07:30 AM
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I'm glad you're happy with your decision! Gonna kinda echo Kura here and remind you that church doesn't have to be all bad. I still believe in God, but I was never a fan of church myself. I only went to hang out with my best friend, who like me, believed in God, but hated going to church. So you may end up with other people in situations like you, or may not. But if you have friends in your youth group (I assume you're old enough to be in that group) then it'll be much more tolerable. :)
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  #61    
Old September 27th, 2013, 04:15 PM
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I'm not sure if this kind of question is allowed, but I'll try anyways...

So for the past couple of days I've been urinating more than normal, and my immediate thought went to "Oh God, I'm pregnant". I don't have any other early symptoms of pregnancy, but frequent urination is one of them. I was sexually active up until about 10 days ago; I was on birth control and condoms were used the last time I had sex. Ever since I started being sexually active I'd been extremely worried about being pregnant, and having my period was such a relief each month. It's been 24 days since my last period and I'm on pins and needles waiting for it to occur or not occur. I'm not sure what I'm asking...I guess I'm just wondering what I should do? If I don't get my period after a week into October, what should I do?

I was as mature and careful about sex as I possibly could be, but...it may not have been enough. I realize the risks of having sex and know if I'm pregnant I am responsible for it. However, I'm not sure what to do right now. Again, sorry if this is a question that isn't supposed to be asked here.
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  #62    
Old September 27th, 2013, 07:41 PM
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I'm not sure if this kind of question is allowed, but I'll try anyways...

So for the past couple of days I've been urinating more than normal, and my immediate thought went to "Oh God, I'm pregnant". I don't have any other early symptoms of pregnancy, but frequent urination is one of them. I was sexually active up until about 10 days ago; I was on birth control and condoms were used the last time I had sex. Ever since I started being sexually active I'd been extremely worried about being pregnant, and having my period was such a relief each month. It's been 24 days since my last period and I'm on pins and needles waiting for it to occur or not occur. I'm not sure what I'm asking...I guess I'm just wondering what I should do? If I don't get my period after a week into October, what should I do?

I was as mature and careful about sex as I possibly could be, but...it may not have been enough. I realize the risks of having sex and know if I'm pregnant I am responsible for it. However, I'm not sure what to do right now. Again, sorry if this is a question that isn't supposed to be asked here.
First off, I want you to keep in mind that I'm a guy, & thus will never experience it myself.

Still, what I can tell you is, if your period hasn't come within a week's worth of time, you could either get one of those home pregnancy tests, or see an Obstetrician, if possible. That's considering that you've got regular periods, ma'am.

Quite frankly, since you've been taking birth control, I've heard that they might mess around with your periods from time to time, so that's also something to keep in mind as well.

If it turns out that you're not pregnant, & your still experiencing this frequent urinating, it's likely something to do with your bladder. That, or your drinking too much fluids.
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  #63    
Old September 27th, 2013, 07:48 PM
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I'm a girl, here I am to bless you. Anyway, birth control is supposed to regulate your period, but there are still times where it may slip up, especially if you don't take it at regular times (say you take it at 9 AM one day, 5 PM the next, 6 AM the next, etc). I'm on it for that, but I tend to forget to take it or I don't have the time and end up taking it at the end of the day, so that gets me off track.

If you used a condom last time you had sex and you're on your birth control though, I would think you'd be okay, unless that condom broke. Any recollection if that might have been what happened? I don't have any experience in this department though, so I'm not sure if a condom breaking is something you can really feel or notice afterwards or anything like that.

Also, do you have contact with the last person you had sex with? Just in case...you know. Father deserves to know, if that's what it comes to.
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  #64    
Old September 28th, 2013, 05:13 AM
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First off, I want you to keep in mind that I'm a guy, & thus will never experience it myself.

Still, what I can tell you is, if your period hasn't come within a week's worth of time, you could either get one of those home pregnancy tests, or see an Obstetrician, if possible. That's considering that you've got regular periods, ma'am.

Quite frankly, since you've been taking birth control, I've heard that they might mess around with your periods from time to time, so that's also something to keep in mind as well.

If it turns out that you're not pregnant, & your still experiencing this frequent urinating, it's likely something to do with your bladder. That, or your drinking too much fluids.
The last time I took birth control was a day before having sex with a condom. I had run out of pills and I needed my doctor to authorize the refill because it had been an entire year since I first got on the prescription. Since then, I've been having massive amounts of trouble trying to get the prescription refilled, but I haven't had sex since the last time. Birth control made my periods much lighter but it was always regular. Since it's been 2 weeks since I haven't taken it, I'm guessing it might be messed up because of the different hormones. I can't be sure though. I was planning on getting a pregnancy test the first week in October if nothing has happened.

Quote:
I'm a girl, here I am to bless you. Anyway, birth control is supposed to regulate your period, but there are still times where it may slip up, especially if you don't take it at regular times (say you take it at 9 AM one day, 5 PM the next, 6 AM the next, etc). I'm on it for that, but I tend to forget to take it or I don't have the time and end up taking it at the end of the day, so that gets me off track.

If you used a condom last time you had sex and you're on your birth control though, I would think you'd be okay, unless that condom broke. Any recollection if that might have been what happened? I don't have any experience in this department though, so I'm not sure if a condom breaking is something you can really feel or notice afterwards or anything like that.

Also, do you have contact with the last person you had sex with? Just in case...you know. Father deserves to know, if that's what it comes to.
The condom didn't break, I know that. As I said above, I hadn't taken birth control that day because I had run out of pills and couldn't refill it yet. They were the green/white pills that come after the three weeks of hormonal blue pills, so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it.

The potential father would be my ex-boyfriend of a year. I haven't told him I'm worried about it because I have no real way of knowing if I am pregnant or not yet. He's the only person I've ever slept with, so at least if I'm pregnant I'll have no worries about knowing who the father is.
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  #65    
Old September 28th, 2013, 06:01 AM
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Dunno if I can ask this but have you thought of what you'd do if you were pregnant?
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Old September 28th, 2013, 07:36 AM
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The condom didn't break, I know that. As I said above, I hadn't taken birth control that day because I had run out of pills and couldn't refill it yet. They were the green/white pills that come after the three weeks of hormonal blue pills, so I'm not sure if that had anything to do with it.
Medically speaking, I have no clue what the odd colored last pills do, I just remember them as the "lol you could manipulate your schedule if you take these every other day" pills cause those are what usually initiate your period starting. That being said though, I have had times where I've taken those last four and moved onto the next pack and still not started. That's not often, but it happens, so maybe that's what you're going through.
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Old September 28th, 2013, 04:59 PM
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Well, my desire to urinate is gone, so I'm wondering if it was just the coffee I had early that day or dehydration. I should start my period by October 4th, so I guess we'll see.
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Old September 28th, 2013, 07:23 PM
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All these grown up questions XD

Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.

Worst case scenario: Homecoming becomes a stepping stone and she wants to get in a relationship or whatever, and I do not want that.

Best case scenario: I go, eat a lot, we're friends.

Pros: Uh...there'll be food? Also I won't break her heart or whatever happens in this situation. And she's a nice person.
Cons: I don't want to dance. I don't want to take the chance of this escalating into anything more than a friendship. I don't really want to pay money to do something I don't think I want to do.

Keep in mind I'm very ignorant in this subject and haven't actually been to homecoming or anything like it before.
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Old September 29th, 2013, 08:48 AM
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All these grown up questions XD

Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.

Worst case scenario: Homecoming becomes a stepping stone and she wants to get in a relationship or whatever, and I do not want that.

Best case scenario: I go, eat a lot, we're friends.

Pros: Uh...there'll be food? Also I won't break her heart or whatever happens in this situation. And she's a nice person.
Cons: I don't want to dance. I don't want to take the chance of this escalating into anything more than a friendship. I don't really want to pay money to do something I don't think I want to do.

Keep in mind I'm very ignorant in this subject and haven't actually been to homecoming or anything like it before.
Have you talked with her about your concerns? Like "Hey, I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now, but we'd be cool as friends and I'd like to go with you, but I'm worried about the cost of it all since I'm not into dancing." Just, speaking your mind to her, being honest. You could find out she only wants to go because she likes you and doesn't care about homecoming at all otherwise. Or not. Point is, you don't know.

And if, for whatever reason, talking about it makes things worse, well, that's what happens sometimes, but talking usually leaves you feeling better about things because even in a worse case scenario you won't be left with those "What ifs" and wondering what might have happened.

But don't just take my advice. Get a second opinion.
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Old September 29th, 2013, 08:52 AM
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Ok, homecomings around the corner, and I couldn't care less. Which poses a problem. There is a girl I know who has made it so blatantly obvious that she wants to go to homecoming with me, and I don't know what to do.
Perhaps, if you have any dateless friends, you could all go as a group? That way you have extra people to fall back on and less pressure - it also makes the situation less 'date'y and more of a friendly environment.

And if you think she is getting the wrong idea another friend can bail you out.
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Old September 29th, 2013, 09:05 AM
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As a person who doesn't get involved in these things, I usually need a person to drag me in. If it's something that you're not interested in, why not go for her sake? It's not like "escalation" is somehow inevitable, you can just go and see what's up, have a good time and all.
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  #72    
Old September 29th, 2013, 02:25 PM
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I think if you just explain you don't want to go as a couple-y kind of date, you'll be okay.

As someone that always avoided going to these things though, I really think you should go anyway. You may end up regretting it, as weird as that may sound! I just now started going to parties and stuff this year, and I've actually really enjoyed myself. I strongly recommend just trying to get a little out there and have fun. If it really makes you uncomfortable though, then don't bother. But it can't hurt to try. Homecoming things in high school usually aren't too big a deal anyway. But yeah.

Also, lol another ~teensy~ thingie here from me...how do I tell someone they're cute without sounding like a weirdo? :3c I'm just afraid this person is already aware I think they're the cat's pajamas and has preconceived notions about me, but I mean, I could be wrong. I just worry and assume a lot of the time and that's what makes this way harder than it should be. Plus, this person has plenty of heads turned, so I'm worried that kind of compliment wouldn't mean anything, cause I think he gets it a lot. ;( 21 and still having problems that 11 year olds have yay!
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Old September 29th, 2013, 03:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Sydian View Post
Also, lol another ~teensy~ thingie here from me...how do I tell someone they're cute without sounding like a weirdo? :3c I'm just afraid this person is already aware I think they're the cat's pajamas and has preconceived notions about me, but I mean, I could be wrong. I just worry and assume a lot of the time and that's what makes this way harder than it should be. Plus, this person has plenty of heads turned, so I'm worried that kind of compliment wouldn't mean anything, cause I think he gets it a lot. ;( 21 and still having problems that 11 year olds have yay!
If I understand well, you want to know how to tell a guy he's kinda cute without seeming obviously in love with him?
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Old September 29th, 2013, 03:43 PM
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If I understand well, you want to know how to tell a guy he's kinda cute without seeming obviously in love with him?
Pretty much. Not in love with him, though lol. That's way too strong a phrase to use. I just really like him and would like to get to know him better, but I kind of suck at that. :D
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Old September 29th, 2013, 04:03 PM
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Well in my opinion(that can be wrong), you don't really have to, especially if you're just looking to know him better. I mean he could think it's just what every girl do. If you don't know him really well, it could seem weird and random to him. But if you guys are good friends, no problem.
Anyway, avoid the use of "hot" and "sexy" with a man as that could lead to unwanted ideas if you see what I mean.
I don't have a lot of advices sadly since those things just come naturally and I suck at those kind of things. Very shy myself. I hope I've been helpful in any way.
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