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  #226    
Old July 31st, 2013 (05:45 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
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Posted! Nideous or Heretostay, either of you can kill him if you want.
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  #227    
Old July 31st, 2013 (10:00 PM).
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jov0006 jov0006 is offline
Beygimon! Gotta let it rip!
 
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Hey I'm back, and hopefully I can get a post in by the end of the week, hahah. Sorry for any inconvenience I may of caused, school started again
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  #228    
Old August 1st, 2013 (12:56 AM).
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Dansparce Dansparce is offline
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Huh... My reply's up.

@Jov006: Don't worry, I'm sure Garde won't kill you or anything. Its nice to have you back, after all!
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  #229    
Old August 1st, 2013 (04:30 AM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
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It's good to have you back Jov.
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  #230    
Old August 1st, 2013 (03:44 PM).
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darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
Posts: 770
This RP's turning out pretty good
I've got a feeling that it'll go for a long time.
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My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!
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  #231    
Old August 3rd, 2013 (06:37 PM).
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Dansparce Dansparce is offline
True Heir To The Monado
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dark Cave
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Sorry for not posting yesterday. I'll try to get a post up today/tomorrow.
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  #232    
Old August 4th, 2013 (12:47 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Sorry for not having posted in a while guys, I've had a really busy weekend. Hopefully I'll have something up by the end of the day.
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  #233    
Old August 9th, 2013 (12:45 PM).
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darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
Posts: 770
Sorry if I'm seeming inactive, i'm just waiting for Dansparce to reply. Regardless, it's been too long so I'll go ahead and post and hopefully get Cloff properly aquainted with teh Shepherds.
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My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!
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  #234    
Old August 9th, 2013 (12:58 PM).
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Dansparce Dansparce is offline
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Sorry for not posting DarkPokeball. The ironic thing was that I had just finished my reply, but you ninja'd me XD.

I'll re-write it now.
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  #235    
Old August 11th, 2013 (07:23 PM).
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darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
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Quote originally posted by Dansparce:
Sorry for not posting DarkPokeball. The ironic thing was that I had just finished my reply, but you ninja'd me XD.

I'll re-write it now.
lulz, i guess I had bad timing in writing that post xD
Let's see where this RP goes...
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My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!
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  #236    
Old August 15th, 2013 (04:19 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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I've posted. Sorry for taking so long, school started up so I was very busy.
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  #237    
Old August 16th, 2013 (03:57 PM).
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Nideous Nideous is offline
The world refused to change...
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow
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I'm sorry, I'm having a huge family ordeal... I don't think i will be able to post anytime in the foreseeable future.
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  #238    
Old August 16th, 2013 (05:28 PM). Edited August 17th, 2013 by YellowGardevoir.
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Gender: Male
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Posts: 304
@ Nideous- I understand, hope everything turns out ok!

EDIT: Alright, chuckles? You might not be finished with your SU yet, but I can already see some issues with your SU. First of all is grammar and spelling errors, mostly forgetting commas and periods. Secondly, if you are finished, I would like you to flesh out his personality section. Everyone has some quirks, likes or dislikes that make them who they are.
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  #239    
Old August 21st, 2013 (10:22 AM).
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darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
Posts: 770
I hope to post sometime later today. Let's not let this RP go inactive.
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My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!
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  #240    
Old August 21st, 2013 (01:22 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 304
Yah darkpokeball! We totally got this. Once we wrap up the end of Chapter One we can move on to the next chapter.
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  #241    
Old August 21st, 2013 (04:00 PM).
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Dansparce Dansparce is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Dark Cave
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Posts: 415
Sorry for being the absolute laziest person in the world, but i've finally managed to get another post done!

I originally intended for Tarin to ninja-kick Nokam in the back of the head for calling her Cloff's girlfriend, but I thought of a much more devious plan instead.
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We understand each other." - Shulk

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  #242    
Old August 21st, 2013 (04:28 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Posts: 304
Poor Nokam... Oh, and of course, poor Cloff as well.
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  #243    
Old August 23rd, 2013 (11:22 AM). Edited August 23rd, 2013 by darkpokeball.
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darkpokeball darkpokeball is offline
Beware the Chainsaw Meowth 0.o
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In your nightmares
Posts: 770
Sorry for not posting earlier! My computer is extremely STUPID, and keeps crashing. Literally about to write a post right now. (For the record, Cloff has no idea that Mason is on the roof with Tarin. He hasn't glanced back yet xD)
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My Chainsaw Meowth is currently missing! If you have a lead or think you know something, PLEASE PM ME! I am desperately searching, and I dread the possibility that I may never find him...
On a side note, if anybody can answer the following question right, then they get a mystery prize! *Must have a Gen V game to claim prize*
Question: What the heck did Jinora do in the finale?! I don't get it! I know 90% of you won't know what I'm talking about, but I need an answer!
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  #244    
Old August 23rd, 2013 (12:56 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 304
Hey, no problem dark. Can't be helped.

Also, this is going to be interesting...
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  #245    
Old August 23rd, 2013 (05:51 PM).
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Shadowhawkfrost Shadowhawkfrost is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14
Question...Can you still submit characters?
Cause I thought of a Myrmidon character that could submit.
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  #246    
Old August 23rd, 2013 (06:14 PM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
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Posts: 304
@ Shadowhakfrost- Of course! Just get an SU up!
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  #247    
Old August 23rd, 2013 (06:25 PM). Edited August 24th, 2013 by Shadowhawkfrost.
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Shadowhawkfrost Shadowhawkfrost is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 14
Thanks! I'll have some thing up soon!
Edit: I've fixed it If anything else let me know!

Character Name: Shadow Zanbolti
Gender: Male
Age: 21
Class: Myrmidon
Appearance: A man with black dark hair and wears a red coat or leather. He is height is 5'9 and weighs about 148 LBS. He works out on his own time and his eye color is jet black. His weapon on his back is a killing edge.
Personality: He doesn't spar or talk to other people. He has worked with bandits only to defeat them in the end. But despite, this he is very humble and does not take items like money because people need it more than him. On full moons he likes to walk outside and makes his own food. He is claustrophobic and fear of people in large crowds.

History: Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent. He is a cold and dark mercenary. From childhood, he never knew anyone but himself as he grew on the streets. At early age he trained with metal so he could train his sword arm. His biggest idol is Lon'qu though he will not admit it. He travels to Yileese to Valm looking for jobs. His greatest triumphs are defeating bandit hordes,and defeating arenas by himself.

Though Shadow seeks the shepherds so he could see if they were as good as he heard. On his travels he had heard about them numerous times in taverns,whispers among the common folk and even when he did jobs requests. Every Time he heard about them his interests grew larger. He wanted to meet the man that leaded the small militia.
Code: “Checkmate!”
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  #248    
Old August 24th, 2013 (06:07 AM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Gender: Male
Nature: Quiet
Posts: 304
@ Shadowhawkfrost- Well, good start. But there are some things I have to point out regarding your SU:

*Appearance: Please give more description to your appearance. You say nothing of height, weight, eye color, fitness level, ect. It needs some fleshing out.

*Personality: I'm kind of a stickler when it comes to personalities. This one needs some work. I've given this advice before and I'll do it again: Everyone has little quirks and likes and dislikes that make them interesting.

*History: First of all, there is no Jugdral continent. Not all Fire Emblem games takes place in the same world, and this is not the same world of Thracia and Genealogy games. This takes place in the world of Fire Emblem Awakening, and of the original Fire Emblem games that featured Marth. This will be a little bit of work, but please rearrange your history so that it fits with this game.

If you'd still like to be a descendant of a legendary swordsman, I have some names for you that fit in the world of Awakening.
Spoiler:

Lon'qu- A myrmidon originally from Chon'sin, a small country in Valm, from which a number of Myrmidons and Swordmasters hail from.

Say'ri- A myrmidon/swordmaster also from Chon'sin, she was the dynast (Or ruler) of Chon'sin after the Dark Dragon War.


Moving on, I cannot allow you to have either the Wo Dao or the Balmunng blades from the get-go. I realize your explanation for both, but we are still in the beginning stages of the game, and those are end of the game weapons. However, I have no qualms with eventually obtaining either one. I am actually aiming for everyone to have a unique weapon by the end of the game, so I'm sure we can work something out.

Also, please pay attention to proper grammar. There are several poor spots as far as sentence structure and grammar go, so please be careful of that.

Alright, I'm done. Don't get the worng idea though, I do want you in this RP. I just need a better quality character. Thanks!
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  #249    
Old August 24th, 2013 (06:12 AM). Edited August 24th, 2013 by Shadowhawkfrost.
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Shadowhawkfrost Shadowhawkfrost is offline
 
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Alright. I will change it. thanks for the tips though. I greatly appreciate it!
Edit: I did think about changing the Wo Dao and the balmung down to one weapon, killing edge.
Also yes I will change the history and personallity.I might take while. I loved the feedback though.
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  #250    
Old August 24th, 2013 (08:02 AM).
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YellowGardevoir YellowGardevoir is offline
"Intend to? I already have."
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Gender: Male
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Okay, most of the logistics of your background are solid. However, grammar is still a big issue. I hate to be an English teacher, but I'll give you examples:

Quote:
Though Shadow seeks the shepherds so he could see what power they had.
This is a dependent/subordinate clause. It cannot stand on its own. If you removed the "though" then it would be a viable sentence.

Quote:
Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent, he is a cold and dark mercenary.
You linked two simple sentences with just a comma, which isn't strong enough to keep them together. You either need a semicolon, or a comma and conjunction. "Shadow hails from Chon'sin in the Valm Continent, and is a cold, dark mercenary." See how much better that sounds?

Also, there are just some generally awkward sentences throughout. Again, this isn't to make you feel bad or insult you, I'm just trying to help you write a quality SU.
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